Internet Suicide

Anorexia has killed yet another, but this time the death of a young girl is documented, minute by minute, for the world to see.

Kristi, the ring leader of the Live Journal Pro-Anorexia site documents her last moments of life on the post below, proving yet again the adapting pro-ana lifestyle is messing with fire.


No fear pro-anas, your journals will not miss a beat. Your new leader immediately took over for Kristi, reiterated the PRO-ANA MISSION, and dedicated to convincing us all you are an eating disorder “support” site.


Hold your comments Pro-Anas: I have no intention of interfering with your beloved sites, since I am a believer in free speech and removing the pro-ana sites from the web serves no purpose. I refuse to put my head in the sand.

My purpose is to educate. Educate parents, friends, and family on the rampant nature of the Pro-Anorexia community online.

My message is getting through, I receive comments from girls from all over the world that admit they visit your sick community, and have realized you are leading them down a path towards destruction.


These are the bracelets they where, proud of their starvation lifestyle. The bracelets readily available online:


This is their status symbol. A feeding tube, afterall, proves you are a hard core anorexic:


This is what they stress about, a day over 200 calories is a total crisis:


These are their proud snapshots, showing off their accomplishments for all to see:bonystomach.jpglegs2.jpgshorts.jpg

Why do I care? This was me, a model at 16, 5’9, 125 pounds and miserable as hell. My self confidence stripped from me by my Modeling agent and the Fashion Industry.


No one is going to tell me that the Media does not play a role in anorexia- not in every case, but in many.

The worst part of this story? The pro-anorexic girls I “featured” here would be proud to have their skeletons highlighted for the world to see. Their starvation success achieved, the attention they crave fulfilled.

If you want to join my cause, please leave your comments on the Official Public Petition to the Council of American Fashion Designers.

Together we can end this absolute madness.


_uacct = “UA-2813837-1″;

<script src=”” type=”text/javascript”>
<script type=”text/javascript”>
_uacct = “UA-4559513-1”;

This entry was posted in Lost Lives, Pro Anorexia and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

164 Responses to Internet Suicide

  1. Niika says:

    That’s funny… because I JUST posted there… and now I wonder if you saw it!!! Lol.

    I keep forgetting that a lot of people who aren’t actually members of the proanorexia community go and read it, and use it as a source in a lot of online postings…

  2. Rika says:

    In response to the “These are their proud snapshots, showing off their accomplishments”:

    Please take down the picture of the girl in the middle. I know her. She and I are pen pals and she is very ill. Not only is she anorexic, but she is schizophrenic and is forced to live in hospitals and assisted living facilities b/c she is not well enough to live at home with her family. Her eating disorder started when she was 17 and the schiz made itself apparent; her drive to not eat and be thin is driven by a voice she hears in her head that tells her what to do.

    While I do use some LJ communities that are eating disorder based, I don’t use proanorexia. Just, please, take her picture down. I’m asking you this as her friend, someone who wants to protect her. Please.

  3. someone says:

    It would be nice if you could learn to spell.


  4. mamavision says:

    Hi Rika: I have removed the image as requested, thank you for letting me know her situation.
    Take Care,

  5. Katie says:

    I understand what you are saying and although I post on proanorexia, I can see how it could encourage people into an eating disorder because they might feel like they ‘belong’ somewhere on there, so to speak? I dunno.

    But maybe Kristi’s death could have been dealt with a little more sensitively?

  6. Katie says:

    i think you are very right about freedom of speech…you deserve it as much as we do (proana members) so i say more power to you.,…and i can see your point of view on a lot of things and i just wnat to say please dont judge us…i am NOT saying you are i’m just saying like OCD anorexia is a disorder so remember we DID NOT choose to be this way
    Happy writing

  7. Rika says:

    thank you

  8. mamavision says:

    Hi Katie: I do understand your comments, and I understand the disease. Anorexia was declared a brian disorder in 2006, and therefore, as you say sufferers are like any other sufferers of mental illness. To these ProAna members, my heart goes out to completely.

    On the other hand, the boards are filled with individuals that are CHOOSING anorexia, Do you agree? They are working so darn hard to be anorexic. Compare this to OCD….you don’t have to work at it, it just is. I hope this clarifies my position.

    In terms of Kristi’s death being treated more sensitively, I frankly was totally shocked to see how the ProAna community handled it. They left up her posts that literally lead up to the moment of her death. They posted a totally basic statement informing members she died and may she rest in peace. It was like, no one even stopped to take a breath, they are all on to their own issues. Sorry if this is harsh, I am just really fired up about this.

    I read Kristi’s post last night, and thought about it today. I decided to show Kristi as as great, sad, bad example. Kristi is an example of what proana can do to you. Perhaps it will be Kristi who makes a difference in a young girls life, who then decides to get off the proana circuit and find her way, find some help, so she too doesn’t die just a sad, lonely death.

    Take care, and thank you for posting. I really appreciate it.

  9. Someone Says II says:

    Dear Someone Says,

    You read the posting, and that’s what you take from it? A typo? Perhaps you should start an “anti-typo based blog”. That would show those mispellers. Yeah…

  10. Abby says:

    All the controversy over her death (especially the actions of 4chan, which were thankfully deleted) was just horrible. I didn’t know Kristi well at all, but she was still a lovely person and it was very sad to see her go.
    The reason the proanorexia community had an odd reaction to her death announcement is that no one was sure if it was true or not. There was even an in-depth investigation in the fakeljdeaths community (people there always hope to uncover a fake, though unfortunately this time it wasn’t). There was also trouble when the death was reported to livejournal and they appointed a new mod (who is a friend of mine, though is no longer moderator) and yeah, drama to livejournal is as a moth to a flame.
    I hear Kristi was attempting to revamp the community to a more support and not “proana” type place, but it looks like with her gone, it’ll just stay the same ol’ same ol’ (I’m not a member, but they are pretty notorious, heh).
    Oh, and this is a little random, but I think that last “snapshot” picture is a model, though I’m not entirely sure,

  11. mamavision says:

    Hi Abby: What did 4chan do?

    I am wondering why Live Journal didn’t pull down Kristi’s post?

    Now that I have written the post, I see I have struck a cord. Kristi’s life and story will live on here, and maybe, her very sad story will help someone. That is my goal anyway. Do you know how to reach out to Kristi’s family….not neccessarily directly but I wondered if they would appreciate donations to NEDA or something similiar.

    When I went back and read my post, I see it is rather direct and stern which may be a turn off for some. However, I wanted to get my point across on the brutal reality of this support community. As I see it, support or not, it is negative support. As they say, you surround yourself with people like you, so being an untreated, anorexic in the depth of your disease, the last place you are likely to find the professional help you most despartly need is on proana…..just my opinion.

    Take care Abby,

  12. Jen says:

    Things like this drive me absolutely insane… I just can’t wrap my mind around it all. There are girls like Leah who had so much hope and are trying their very best to recover, and then there are girls like Kristi who are so tired and drained that they give up. When does it end?

  13. Niika says:


    Having been around for basically the whole affair of Kristi’s death, I can tell you that what happened is not exactly as you’ve pictured it.

    They left up her posts that literally lead up to the moment of her death.

    No, the people on proanorexia did not leave her posts up… SHE did. LJ Abuse decided not to remove them, for whatever reason, although they did remove many terrible comments left to her final entries, at the requests of people who were close to her. Frankly, I have no idea why nobody decided to take down Kristi’s final posts. Maybe they wanted people to understand that it is possible to die from an eating disorder, and not necessarily from the direct medical consequences, either.

    They posted a totally basic statement informing members she died and may she rest in peace.

    But before that happened, there were literally pages upon pages of posts from members freaking out, fighting with each other, and generally creating chaos and mayhem as they tried to figure out how to DEAL. Conspiracy theories, and other suspicions and doubts, went through the community (and I have to admit that I was one of the skeptical ones). A few believed it from the start and expressed extreme dismay that people would not believe. Several of them were able, through many phone calls and Internet conversations, ascertain the exact circumstances of Kristi’s death and find proof that she had, in fact, died. Only after ALL THIS happened, AND we had had at least a week to calm down and regroup, was ANYthing changed at all. I am pretty sure it took much longer than that before the userinfo itself was changed (the part that you saw telling of Kristi’s death).

  14. Abby says:

    4chan is a (NOT WORK SAFE) site that is, at times, awesome and hillarious, but also not afraid of making personal attacks on people since it is mostly anonymous. Quite a few 4chan members left horrible pictures of corpses and porn and whatnot, along with cruel messages, in replies to Kristi’s last entry. The lj staff deleted the posts, so they unfortunately live on in our memories, lol.
    Kristi’s brother made a statement in a reply on her livejournal, and I think he’d prefer that the family wasn’t contacted (although you can always ask him, This is his post:
    Oddly enough I mentioned her death a few days ago. Although depression and anorexia did eventually take her life, it is encouraging that she was able to battle for over ten years. She fought for a long time – it’s just sad that she became to tired to fight anymore.

  15. Pingback: Internet Suicide « Tons of Fresh News

  16. Jenny says:

    That is some sick shit. PRO!?!?! wow…this is why i dont get along with girls…the crap they pull to “look good” is amazing (and not in a good way)

  17. Kate says:

    That is just so fucking sad. There’s not enough support for people with anorexia, so they’re driven to these sites that encourage the disorder rather than doctors and nurses who can help these people overcome it. Theres no justice in this fucking world.

  18. mamavision says:

    Hi Jen: I was thinking about Leah as I wrote this post.

    For those of you new to this blog, please read Leah’s light. Leah was one of us, she struggled with anorexia for years, was fighting with all her heart to win the battle. In the end, her heart failed her, damaged beyond repair from years of starvation.

    It is Leah and Kristi who are now hopefully guiding us here down a different path in life.


  19. tha Ca$peR says:

    Nice post 😀

  20. pohlse says:

    You say that nothing is being done. I believe that the reason that nothing is being done is because most people perceive anorexia as function of narcissistic vanity as opposed to a mental illness.

    Before something can be done this perception must be changed.

  21. yoyo says:

    makes me sad. another lost life.. my gf is anorectic too but thank god she’s on the right track to becoming healthy again. these girls should get help.. they are wasting their lives. i know most doctors are still treating this illness in the wrong way and hurt them more than they help…

  22. hroswith says:

    That was an interesting and deep post. Thanks for sharing. Recently I read many news about young girls who passed away because of anorexia (the two models in South America, just to name a couple).

    I agree with pohlse’s comment above. Society has a distorted perception of anorexia. There must be something more about it than young girls simply thriving to become models.

    One the one hand, I shiver at those boney frames – I don’t find them remotely attractive, and don’t understand why a person would do so much harm to herself… I couldn’t be a parent to them and not do anything. On the other, I reckon I may have a problem too – I am never too thin for my taste… and secretly wish I could lose so much weight that no curves would be left. Simply I refuse a body strangers look at and desire.

    Don’t worry, my BMI is normal. I can’t afford to starve myself – I need my brains for my work… I can’t even afford to be moody. My job is too important, that’s what keeps me from starving. But I am aware there must be something very wrong with annihilating oneself. Depression? Traumas? I would like to find out what drives those other girls. Peer pressure? None of thess options alone seems enough to me. It’s something more (else?) than narcissism…

  23. anonymous says:

    please take down the comment. i know that person. and it is quite rude to show this for the world to see. so if you would…at least blur out the name and pic, thank you.

  24. mjau says:

    mamaVISION, you’re doing great work! Eating disorders affect so many people today, and it’s important we discuss these things. I recently wrote this in my blog:
    partly inspired by reading your blog.
    I’ve known many girls with different stages of eating disorders, from anorectics to people like hroswith who play with the idea, and I can certainly relate to the feeling myself. I’m positive that people who actually fall ill with an eating disorder have other problems that go back to both their childhood and to the ideals that society (and the beauty industry) impose on us (for financial gain!!).
    All this time we (women and girls and more and more men also) spend on our bodies could be spent on making the world a better place, like you do mamaVISION!

  25. Bane says:

    wow, I never knew. It’s a terrible tragedy that the site seems to promote this disorder like some sort of sick trophy.

  26. mamavision says:

    Hi anonymous: Which image and comment are you requesting I remove?

  27. mamavision says:

    So true Pohlse, I hope to change this perception. We must separate individuals who have anorexia (which is a brain disease) and individuals who strive to be anorexic through vanity and pressures from society.

    Either way, people can be quite harsh and they lack compassion towards girls who are giving into the beauty myth pressures. Some of the comments I see on other blogs and here are very infuriating, but they are ignorant, so I try to focus on people who are willing to learn about the disease….and there are many.


  28. Niika says:


    You say in your comment that we must separate individuals with the brain disease anorexia from those who strive to be anorexic because of vanity and societal pressures. However, after a certain point of starvation has been reached, the difference between “true” and “learned” anorexia becomes completely moot. Once the person has become a starving organism, it simply doesn’t matter whether it’s psychological or societal: the end results… the starvation personality and obsessions and distortions and all the rest of it… become the same in both cases.

  29. Corey Clayton says:

    Tragic, if it’s all true…

  30. geekcritic says:

    It is really sad that many people have been influenced by the media today to follow the footsteps of models who have chosen (take not: chosen) to be anorexic.
    It is really tragic that those born with that disorder are trying to live normal lives, while those without anorexia try to live abnormal lives.

  31. Pingback: Suicídio na Internet « Miguel Lopes

  32. mamavision says:

    Hi Niika: Thank you for your background information on the aftermath of Kristi’s suicide. I think it is important that others understand this because it tells of the compassion of some of the proana community members.

    I emailed her brother Dave because I wanted to let him know I wrote this post. The email bounced back to me, so I wanted to ask that if you have a way to reach out to her brother please do. Below is the message I sent to him:

    Hi Dave: I was led to your post regarding the loss of your sister through Live Journal. My blog focuses on educating parents, family, and friends on the pro-anorexia movement.

    I am so very sorry for the loss if your sister Kristi. I wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I would like to make a donation to a charitable organization in her memory and honor, so I wanted to inquire on the cause most close to your heart.

    Also, I wanted to make you aware that I wrote a posting about Kristi, showing her final words as seen on Live Journal. This posting is receiving a lot of attention, and I thought you may want to view it for yourself. While I will admit, the post is not written in the most compassionate tone of voice, this was intentional, in an effort to draw attention to how anorexia can drive a young, vital life to suicide. Please let me know if you are bothered in anyway by the words I have written, and I will put this information off my blog. I do not intend to offend you or your family in anyway whatsoever. You can see the post here:

    Take care, and know that Kristi’s passing is now serving the help young girls who are struggling as she did. I receive emails from all over the world, both privately and through my blog and youtube postings. These girls are crying out for help, and the best part is I am able to help some of them. This is what keeps me writing and contributing to this cause day in and day out.

    Take care, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Kristi,

  33. mamavision says:

    Corey: This story has been verified and is true. Kristi has passed away, and is being remembered by family and friends.

  34. mamavision says:

    Niika: You hit the nail on the head- this is something I struggle with understanding as well. I am going to reach out to NEDA for clarification on this.

    As I see it, how does a “brain disease” start as a desire to be thin, where the person has the idea to cut their intake, start to see results, and then heads down the path of no return. In this case labled a brain disease or no? I will do my best to research this.


  35. devildog6771 says:

    I hope I don’t make anyone mad here. I don’t think the site is intended to encourage anoxeria. I think it is intended to offer support among anorexics since that support is hard to find elsewhere. I have known many anorexics. Their life is very hard once the disease develops for whatever reason.

    I notice on the site that some people were turned away because they were not meeting membership requirements. If I clearly understood what I read, they don’t want people to join who don’t have proper medical treatment too.

    When an anorexic succeeds in suicides, just like other illnesses where suicide occurs, several thing can and often do happen. One, others will try to follow suit, two, some will feel their control start to slip and will seek mediacl support, three, many will get extremely anxious and start backslide. This is where trainedmedical help is needed to guide everybody through the crisis.

    For the site to work, they need a mod who will first edit comments in a manner that will prevent one-through three from happening on the site. They need hotline numbers where trained people can reached to provide intervention when necessary. This would require a worldwide network and co-operation with mental health facilities and local authorities.

    I would require proof of medical care as a prerequisite to membership. I would then verify that info. But, that is me, and my comments are based on ideal situations and not life.

    You can thank insurance companies for this. Most support groups and services for various mental illnesses died out in the mid to late nineties. It was like here today, gone tomorrow. That left in people with no support, and, limited or no ability to get proper treatment.

    The result is sites like this one, well intentioned, and maybe for many all that is keeping them going while for others the opposite may be true.

  36. Pingback: Internet Suicide, hoax? « mamaVISION

  37. cowsbythefence says:

    Healthy = Sexy

    What those girls are doing to themselves….it makes me damned mad.

    The media and mass society keeps on pushing for people to be skinny and “sexy”.
    Where till it end?

  38. Amanda says:

    That is so sad, I can’t believe livejournal left it up there either.

    Going to the pro ana sites you spoke of did nothing, but piss me off. I hate them.
    All I see them as in a “haven” for anorexic wannabes and it just makes me sick. They go on starving themselves and living this “lifestyle” when people like Leah are out there fighting for their life and, unfortunately losing their battle. Anorexia is a fucking disease not something to be mocked and wanted. I just don’t understand. I’m only 16 and the past several years have been nothing but miserable in and outs of recovery with my anorexia. My childhood demolished, and my future crushed just because of some ugly disease I didn’t CHOOSE to have. How can these girls think they can CHOOSE to become a disease?

    Sorry for the novel, I saw you on my “aunt” pollys blog and thought I’d check it out.. I love all your posts.

  39. mamavision says:

    Hi DevilDog: I am confused, what site are you looking at that requires the users to be receiving medical treatment for their condition? How is it verified?

    The proana sites I am refering to do nothing of the sort, at least not that I am aware of so I am curious as to where you are looking.

    Heres a few links for you to take a look at and you will see the forums that guide girls down a path of distruction:

    After you surf around these sites I would like to hear your comments if you don’t mind coming back to post.

  40. mamavision says:

    Hi Amanda: Thanks for your passionate, honest post. You should be pissed off when you can see you have wasted a good chunk of your life with this dreaded disease.

    I too get very upset in the whole vanity of the proana movement, but then I step back and think about how our society is creating it, day in and day out, getting more ridiculous by the minute. I don’t relate to materialism, beauty goals, and desires to be famous and admired…in fact that is the last thing I want. I love privacy (thus my inconito name mamaVISION).

    Just stay focused on your life goals. Remember this- the worst things in life end up making you who you are. I am living proof. I hid my whole modeling life for over 15 years before starting my blog and now it is literally a part of me.

    On top of that, my job requires me to present in front of high level execs, high pressure, and I love it. Nothing intimidates me, and I attribute my self confidence to all the hell I went through at your age!!

    I wish you all the best in your work to recover, stay on track and know that there is so much life out there for you to discover….from the tone of your post I have a good feeling that you are going to kick this.


  41. Joey says:

    I have some serious issues with this – so much is so inaccurate.
    Kristi was not a young girl, she was an adult, and was in no way “pro-anorexic”. she was trying to make positive changes to the community, to make it LESS proanorexic.
    I was the person who reported Kristi’s death to the community and was also made the new moderater the next day. i am the least proanorexic person you will EVER meet, and my mission for being in the community is to guide the girls in a healthier direction, not encourage eating disorders or make up some bollocks like say they’re a “lifestyle”!!!
    the vast majority of the community do not believe their ED is a lifestyle, and they are not in recovery out of a lack of medical resources or true fear. I desperately want to recover – but i just can’t afford it.

    as for your youtube video – noone in the community does things like tell eachother how to purge – that’s been against the rules for months now.

    if you’re going to criticise something – get your facts straight first.
    and if you want to make a difference – try and get medical services improved so that girls can go get better, not wait around in a state of fear on a support site trying to get through each day.

  42. amanda says:

    the girl above me “joey” is a friend of mine
    she and a few of my friends i met on pro anorexia have litterally saved my life.
    these girls i met in proanorexia all belong to a different community on live journal where we completely supposrt eachother in a GOOD way. as a matter of fact a few of us are trying to eat “healthy” and we completely support eachother. my mother has an eating disorder and has had one since she was 17… she is now 47 and still has an eating disorder. i fully belive real eating disorders do not go away. i am going to be living with this for the rest of my life. ive been to recovery and i see a psychologist once a week (and now that i am away at college we still have phone sessions). i AM getting help. but talking to these girls is amazing because they get me. i even have some of their phone numbers so that in emergency situations.. when im sitting there with razors or pills, i send them a txt message asking them to help me out and they do it. they help me and convince me everything will be okay.

    many people on proanorexia are not really anorexic, a lot of the girls are just looking for attention, and i dont go to proanorexia anymore because seeing some people taking it so lightly really upset me because to me this is a disease. i have depression, i have anxiety, i have ocd, and i have an eating disorder. i have taken medicine for it, i have seen doctors to try to help me. this is my life and i am just learning to live with it in a better way every day.

    also you did not know kristi. i have actually talked to her. this wasnt just some internet suicide. she was suicidal and just happened to post it in her journal.

    and like “joey” already said… if people ever ask for tips on proanorexia if i ever see them i tell them that it is NOT worth it and that i would never give them tips. trust me i know its not worth it because i do it all the time and every time i know how horrible it is for me. i do not enjoy blowing blood out of my nose after purging, or the embarassment i get now that i live in a dorm and people can actually hear me doing it, or the throat infections i get and so on.

    i know this life is not fun. but it is my life. i can not change it. the reason you think we can change it is because you obviously did not have the actual disease of an eating disorder. unfortunatly i do. but like i said… i am going to try to use what i know to make it a postive thing and try to obsesses about eating healthy. i will always obsessed about food but i pray to God each night i can get better than i am. i will never be “better” but i know i can be better than i am right now.

    yes in some ways these community are very bad for girls, i do give you that
    but in some ways they are good, like in my situation.

  43. Lawrence says:

    Allright, here’s a brief introduction to myself.

    I’m the boyfriend of the girl that took over ProAnorexia after Kristi died, the one YOU criticised Mama.

    And i’m pretty shocked that you’d dare to say such critical things about the people that helped fucking maintain that website, and keep the users of it ALIVE.

    My girlfriend has helped countless people, as have many of the other caring people on that website, and i just can’t bring myself to understand why you’d be so fucking stupid, as to criticise those people, so uncaring and ignorant.

    You people may THINK that the website promotes anorexia, and gaining ED’s, however, it doesnt, i dont go on there often, but my girlfriend speaks of it often, and so i listen and learn, and realise what the community is like there.

    Sure, there are SOME stupid people that think it’s the “hip” thing to do to go anorexic, but they’re the same imbeciles that buy celebrity-news magazines and then ring all their friends asking them if they’ve read that same magazine. The same imbeciles that play on games and hack at them, to ruin the experience for everyone else. The same imbeciles that make day-to-day living so miserable. But no-matter where you go, there’s ALWAYS going to be imbeciles like that, we’re learning to deal with it, slowly but surely, and so is Pro-Ana.

    And one last thing, if you delete this comment, i’ll know that i’ve touched a truthful nerve on you Mama, and said something that’s proved you wrong.

  44. Amanda says:

    Well, I know this is probably confusing cuz I see another Amanda posting on here…

    I was so happy this morning when I saw that you replied – even though it’s on such a difficult topic it made my day. =]

    When you say the worst things that happen in life are what make you who you are it’s really difficult for me to think that… or imagine that all the things that have happened or Ive gone through are molding me into who I will become. I know you believe and I do too to an extent that everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it’s really hard to see the truth in it. How could such awful things happen for any reason than causing more hurt?

    I like how you are so positive and encouraging, but right now I’m struggling really bad with the ED. I’m so torn between recovery and giving in. It’s so hard.

    Anyways, thanks again for the response!

  45. Danyel says:

    That’s amazing, I was just there a few weeks ago and was mortified at the thought of her committing suicide. I just couldn’t believe it. It made me so bad. Though I don’t frequent those websites often because it’s extremely triggering- I do post no and then…

    Wow. It’s just amazing to think what this disease will bring someone to. What’s sad, is I almost understand why she’d do that.

  46. Claire says:

    I am also a member of the pro-anorexia website. While I believe your message is a good one and well intentioned, Kristi was a person. She was a living, breathing person to those who knew her, and she was a source of help and comfort to those who did not. While I appreciate what you are trying to do, I don’t think it’s ok for you to make her your poster child until you have the permission of her family. I respect that you tried to get in touch with her brother after the fact, but how would you feel if this was your sister being used for a cause without your knowledge or permission, especially regarding a community which she was trying to help and make safer for everyone involved?

    And with respect to devildog’s comment, ‘Joey’ is currently putting together a list of hotlines for every nation represented by our membership for all manner of emergency help.

  47. Shoe Lady says:

    I have to agree that you do not have all of your facts straight and you have also made some sweeping comments / judgements about people who are members of proanorexia on LJ. You haven’t really read much on the site, have you? If you had, you would realise that:

    membership is in fact moderated (albeit not with proof of medical diagnosis required);
    ‘ana’ bracelets are not worn by all / many proanorexia members;
    the term ‘ana’ itself is discouraged;
    proanorexia members do not seek to show off skeletal frames to the world (posting of photographs of members is to get feedback on their bodies – if you read more, you will realise that a lot of members have very distorted perceptions of their own bodies – comments can and do help members to regain a little perspective);
    many proanorexia members are not ‘proud’ of their lifestyle – they are in turmoil because of their disease;
    I don’t recall any proanorexia member mentioning that they would have a feeding tube as their ‘status symbol’ as this proves they are ‘hard-core ana’ (your interpretation of your perception of this confirmed to me the unbalance in your post);
    and the list could go on…

    You have mentioned that your tone in your post is not particularly compassionate. I feel that is an understatement. I can appreciate your objective of informing parents about what is on the web, but really you should try and seek a more balanced and truthful view before finalising your post, as I feel you are striking unnecessary and exaggerated fear amongst the parents and people that read your blog.

    As regards Kristi’s death, I can only agree with some of the previous posts in that you have depicted it inaccurately – she did not stay on line ‘minute by minute’ until her death and, as has been pointed out, members posted pages and pages of comments on how to help her / what to do.

    I have made this post as a member and reader of proanorexia for a number of months and also as a mother to one daughter myself. I am not anorexic, but I do suffer from ED-NOS (Eating Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified). You would have realised, had you read more of the site, that all realms of eating disordered are welcome at proanorexia. Additionally, had you taken the time to do further research, you would have realised that the original site was indeed set up with the intention of truly being PRO-anorectic, but has since evolved to its current state (through two changes of moderation, Kristi having brought about many of the changes). It has not changed it’s name as it is felt that the site name is recognised as a place to go for support.

    Please realise that there are many intelligent people that read proanorexia and, consequently, have had your post brought to their attention. I could say more, but I feel that this comment will be enough for you to initially digest.

  48. mamavision says:

    Hi Joey: I appreciate your comments. I wanted to let you know that the source of the purging related information was from Kristi’s personal saved file. It was from Purge_Chick’s purgatorium. It was live yesterday, and was pulled down today. I don’t understand why Kristi saved this information if her goal was to make the site LESS proanorexic. Do you?

    The medical coverage is a huge issue, the documentary THIN did a great job in exposing this. I would like to help in this area, and I think I can. But I need more information in order to do so.

    If you are willing, please send me a synopsis of where the breakdown in the system is, specific examples of girls that need treatment and have no where to go besides the proana community (girls/women such as yourself). I will take this on, if you are willing to help me out.

    Have you tried to find an ED specialist that charges based on what you are able to pay? If you can pay nothing, some will even take you. These type of services are available in my area, perhaps they are in yours.

    Have you called the NEDA hotline, its totally anonomous, and they don’t track your caller id. If you have called them, where they of no help? Why?

    Give me more info so I can work on this.


  49. Joey says:

    I feel there is a difference between someone not being in treatment and being proanorexic. Ie, Kristi would never encourage anyone else in their behaviour and would always encourage recovery if possible, though she didn’t neccessarily take her own advice (I think a lot of people are guilty of that!!).

    I live in the UK where the healthcare system is very different – though it seems poor eating disorders treatment is common across the world. Here in the UK all healthcare is paid for by a government-funded healthcare system, except for the wealthy who may have additional insurance and may buy private care. For NHS (government-funded treatment) i’d have to be either clinically anorexic or be in danger of death for even the most basic eating disorders treatment, and i fit neither category anymore as i have worked for so long to recover alone.
    I also suffer from social anxiety disorder, major depression, panic disorder, mild OCD and mild agoraphobia which makes treatment even harder to find, as all these need dealing with too and the different disorders compound eachother.

    It seems the main problem i have heard about US treatment of eating disorders is both the lack of funding by insurance companies, and doctors believing people do not have eating disorders unless the person is significantly underweight (a very common myth). This site shows examples of the misunderstanding of eating disorders by doctors, and though reading that may be surprising to you, it is not disimilar to the experiences i and my online friends have had.

    You must also understand that seeking help for an eating disorder is extremely brave. There is so much stigma, there’s the fear of a loss of control, the feeling you are nothing without your ED, the fear of rejection, and the general denial (sometimes we often believe there is nothing wrong with us, and that we’re making a fuss about nothing).

    Thankyou for being understanding and taking such an interest. I really admire what you’re aiming to do.


  50. mamavision says:

    Hi Amanda: You are obviously a good example of someone who is utilizing the support of the proana sites in a good way. You stated you have your group of friends and you all reach out to each other when in need. I have no issue whatsoever with this, how could I?

    The problem is the sites are clogged with girls who do not suffer the anxiety related issues you do, they are striving to be anorexic because they want to look like an actress or model. You and both know that when you have certain tendencies, anorexia comes knocking at your door, even when you push it away as hard as you can.

    I want to encourage you in one way though- this does not have to be life long. Your mother has suffered a great deal, and I can imagine that you seeing her suffer so much makes you feel as if you must be in for a life of this hell. I am an example that you can beat it, 100%. Your anxiety issues are similar to mine, I was triggered by the modeling industry and suffered for over 10 years. At 37, I know you will find this hard to be believe, but I am so absorbed in life – I forget to eat. Literally, I am working on say a presentation or playing with my kids, and I start to get a headache or something and realize, crap its 2pm I forgot to eat lunch.

    Can you imagine a day not obsessing about food? Its like a miracle. I was you, I thought my god, if I have to live in this life ruminating about food day in and day out, I am not going to make it. Well, I got the right treatment, the right support through friends and family. My point is there is hope. Trust me.

    Take care, and thanks for telling me your perspective, I really do appreciate it and respect you.

  51. This is getting really confusing since there are more than one Amanda (always… my mom couldnt have come up with a more original name.. not) so, from now on when I reply Im gonna use my blogname (HottHottSugarKane) as my name instead of Amanda so, you’ll know which one you’re talking to.

    Oh, and just in case you got confused I’m the Amanda that said above

    “That is so sad, I can’t believe livejournal left it up there either.

    Going to the pro ana sites you spoke of did nothing, but piss me off. I hate them.
    ……[etc etc blah blah]”


    “Well, I know this is probably confusing cuz I see another Amanda posting on here…

    I was so happy this morning when I saw that you replied – even though it’s on such a difficult topic it made my day. =]
    ……[ramble ramble, on and on]”

    But, yeah Ill just use the blog name from now on, cuz I will most definitely be reading your blog from now on and don’t want any confusion. :]

    Hope you’ve had a wonderful day.

  52. mamavision says:

    Hi Lawrence: I don’t delete comments, that’s my personal policy. The point of a blog is to hear all points of view, therefore deleting just makes this whole effort useless. However, I ask that you clean up your language if you post to me again.

    Your comments make a lot of sense, and you are obviously very passionate about this topic. My understanding is that after Kristi died, there was a lot of conversation that took place because the community was confused, concerned and upset, asking if she had really taken her own life. All of this dialouge was deleted by the time I stumbled upon the site to see your girlfriend had taken over due to Kristi’s death.

    What I saw was a one sentence statement that appeared very matter of fact and cold. Go here to see the page I am referring to:

    Can you see where I am coming from? Then I clicked to view Kristi’s page (the link was just removed yesterday ) and I was shocked that her posts leading up to her death were still there. I was like, why the heck didn’t they pull this down? This poor girl committed suicide online. I was as upset as you are. This was at least a week after her death.

    Now that I wrote about Kristi, and posted a video on the topic, the proana community is all fired up and aiming at me. Thats fine, everyone is grieving, and they are all sufferers of some sort of ED so I blame no one. Nor will they stop me, this is too important.

    You see what your girlfriend goes through, is it total hell or what? If she is now the leader, I hope you can help her. I honestly and sincerely hope she feels geniune and positive support from the members, and I would never seek to take that away from her. I also commend her for taking over, I am sure she is literally saving lives.

    Now, you hit the nail on the head when you refer to Hipsters that think this is the cool thing to do. From where I stand they dominate the site. What do you think? You need to get involved, look yourself and you will be sickened by it. I really think it will tick you off because you have your girlfriend who is really suffering with this disease and playing this active role, and then you see girls who are almost making a joke out of it. Take a look and tell me what your thoughts are.

    I know what ED is, I lived it. I’m not just some women shooting my mouth off, so please give me a little credit. I am a great example of how you can get through this and beat it, and live an awesome life…..and I intend to keep sending my message because I am saving lives too.

    Take care, I look forward to hearing back from you,

  53. mamavision says:

    To all: When I wrote the post about Kristi, I deliberately titled it Internet Suicide because I knew it would intrique people to read the story.

    Kristi’s life was tragic. I read every post she had online, until they were pulled down this week. She was spiraling down fast, and when she hit the bottom no one could help her.

    I have said this many times and I will say it again. I believe that everyone has a purpose in life. When someone dies young, and tragically, we can’t make sense of it. We want to stuff it in the closet and push it away because it is too painful. I refuse to stuff Kristi away to be forgotten.

    I wrote the stories about Kristi out of respect for her. I posted the pictures of her as a little girl, her with her cat to show she was a real person. She has been added to my memorial so she will always be remembered. I would like to see the proana site do the same for her, and all your lost members.

    You know what the best part is? Kristi is going to save some lives. The more people who hear her story the better. I believe she had a purpose here, and she has a purpose now that she is gone.


  54. mamavision says:

    Hi Shoelady: You are going to have to help me out here. Please point me in the direction of the posts that you view as supportive and positive. I just don’t see it.

    I see ED suffers feeding each others illness.

    I see thinspiration pictures making a mockery out of ED suffers.

    I see sneaky attempts to help others lie to the people their life to hide your disease.

    You stated I need to do my research. I have spent more time then I would ever care to on the LJ proana site, and everytime my viewpoint gets stronger because the talk is distorted and the comments only serve to further distort reality.

    With all due respect ShoeLady, you are suffering yourself. This tells me your perspective is likely not clear, and your self esteem low. I am telling you this in an effort to help you- do you think you receive the type of support you truly need from a proana web site, or do you think professional treatment would be a better path?

    You need to be an example to your daughter. I have one of my own and honestly one of my biggest fears was I would pass on my ed issues to her. Thank god I was recovered well before I had children. I am concerned that you have a daughter and you look to these sites for support. You have a responsibility to get some professional help which I hope you are doing….if not for yourself, for her.


  55. mamavision says:

    Got it HottHottSugarKane, but now you have to tell me how you got thi name?!! :)

  56. mamavision says:

    Thanks for the info Joey. I am quite familiar with the something fishy site, and I am also quite familiar with the struggle one faces when seeking treatment for ED….since I went through it myself. I am regularly shocked by statements I hear where doctors will tell ED suffers to “just eat a bagel” or something just completely proposterous.

    But the medical community is making strides. In Oct 2006, anorexia was classified as a brain disease, you can read about it on the NEDA site. I believe this step was taken in an effort to extend and provide treatment where treatment was not available in the past.

    I speak from experience, I am not ignorant on this topic, in fact I believe the community upset because I have stepped into their comfort zone. Its easy to just go along, logging into your favorite site and chat about how miserable you are.

    The hard part is raising your hand and saying I need help. Again, I’ve been there, I was in deep, so I would appreciate it everyone would “do their research” before slamming my credibility from here on out.

    Sorry Joey, I digressed on you :)

    Bottomline, yes you must be strong to stand up and say I have a problem and I need help. But what is harder, the life you have now – or sticking your head out there and trying a different, more productive path?

    I mentioned in an earlier post there are pay as you can therapy clinics in my area, and I am sure there are in others. The top of my blog has a tab called mamasHELP where users can find hotline information to get you started……then again you could log on to LJ and talk yet again about how miserable you are, and spend yet another weekend with hunger pains. Start a new journey today, you can do it. I am living proof.


  57. haha….. Have you seen the movie Some Like it Hot with Marilyn Monroe?? Well the name she goes by in it is Sugar Cane so.. yeah I love Marilyn and the movie and needed a username for this.


    Tada, HottHottSugarKane.


  58. Joey says:

    Hi Mama,

    I am glad you are aware of the issues people with eating disorders face – it’s not often that those against pro-anorexic sites do!
    To answer your question – what is harder, the life you have now – or sticking your head out there and trying a different, more productive path? – i’d have to say getting help, it’s not hard to just give in to an eating disorder and just let it crawl over you…though of course that’s not what i want to do, just give in! Getting help is huge – the panic attack stemming from using a phone, the effort to find money to pay, having to go out, having to change habits…it’s a huge number of extreme fears all in one go. Sometime I will do it, whether it’s in weeks or months, but I don’t know which path to choose.

    Anyway, enough of my recovery attempt…I’d like to talk about Proanorexia, especially referring to some of the things you’ve said in other comments.
    About Kristi – one thing that bothered people in particular was not your criticisms of the website (though that bothered us too as your view appears biased for your cause), but the way you described Kristi and her position in the community. You give the impression that she was a young girl (vulnerable and unable to make decisions for herself) when in fact she was in her 30s. The term “ring leader” implies she was leading others in the proanorexic route, when in fact she merely dealt with applications, rule-breaking and disputes (she did not want to be moderator – she was assigned the job randomly by livejournal, similarly to me). Lastly and most importantly you implied the proanorexic lifestyle (the world of thinspo, tips, “lifestyle choices” etc) killed her, when in fact bulimarexia killed her.
    The statement on the proanorexia profile was not how people found out about Kristi’s death, I informed people within the community in a less harsh manner when her friend emailed me to say we were too late to save her (I and another online friend tracked Kristi on the internet finally finding her myspace account where we could contact people in her real life). It was a statement for people applying to proanorexia basically informing them that the application system was down while things were sorted out and the community was in a state of flux. However, it does need to be changed (i would do it, but i removed my accounts moderating abilities due to hackers and hatemail – i’m too anti-pro-anorexic for some peoples tastes, and was also accused of lying about Kristi’s death to “steal” the community…long story) so as my attention has been drawn to it I’ll pass the message on.
    Now to the supportiveness of the community – there are positives and negatives of the community. Positives for example – knowing you’re not alone, having someone to talk to 24/7 (bingeing and suicidal thoughts are common in the early hours of the morning), learning healthier ways of dealing with an ED (there is advice available as to how to give up laxatives/purgeing, there’s the 1000 Challenge which gets girls to eat healthy quantities of calories, there’s nutritional information – this whole aspect of living with an eating disorder has been brought around by me and another member not_this_planet), the “No Tips” rule, and it’s better than most proanorexic websites (the lack of the former, unhealthy tips, the perception that anorexia is a good thing, calling the eating disorder a lifestyle choice). The community saves lives – on a daily basis someone is talked out of suicide, another is persuaded to enter recovery, someone learns to stop purgeing, etc. Though of course it’s negative aspects (which you’re all too aware of) can have the opposite effect – there’s no denying that.
    Lastly you and Lawrence both mention those who do not really have eating disorders and are just in all this because they think it’s cool (unsurprisingly considering the medias portrayal of anorexia – models, tragedy, beauty, attention, Mary-Kate Olsen, etc) – Kristi, I and the current moderators of proanorexia are working hard to remove those who are like that, and I think the job is almost done – 99% of members are genuine eating disorders sufferers from what i can perceive from what they’re saying (what amused me slightly is someone i suspect to be a wannabe-anorexic has his proanorexia post quoted in this blog entry above – very ironic).

    Anyway, I’m sorry this is such a long reply, and thankyou for taking the time to see my point of view.


  59. mamavision says:

    Hi Joey: Thanks for taking the time to really explain some things, especially pertaining to Kristi.

    I wanted to comment on the items you stated irriated and offended your members. I did not know how old Kristi was, the fact that she was 30 means I should I have referred to her as a woman.

    I called her a “ring leader” intentionally. In my view, if you are so deeply involved in the ProAna community as a moderator you are “leading” it. Adding the word “ring” to the description was purposeful because your online group is a community or a ring. The realize the term “ring leader” carries with it a negative connotation, which I knew would make readers take notice of the depth of the story. I do aplogize of this term offended you and your members. I can completely see how from your point of view, this makes Kristi to be bad or evil in her intentions, and that does not appear to be the case for the LJ site (other proana communities are questionable though).

    You stated the most important clarification was that Kristi died from bulimiarexia. Agreed. But don’t you think the influence and prevelence of proana and thinspo sunk her deeper into her disease? Studies have shown that pro ana members stay sicker longer, in Kristi’s case I wonder if she sunk deeper faster. If day in and day out you are driven online to share your horrible day with others who had a horrible day and can relate to all the hell you are going through, don’t you at some point lose hope? I know I would.

    This leads to the point of support you all obviously feel from the site. I don’t think I totally grasp this, but I certainly understand it better thanks to all your members taking the time to express themselves here. Here is some food for thought, and I am not stating this in a mean or condecending way- is the support you receive from the proana site kind of like the “blind leading the blind?” I made the analogy of AA on some comments above- if you are an alcoholic trying to be sober, do you surround yourself with other alcoholics who are still drinking? Or do you join a group of recovered alcoholics who are presently sober to serve as role models?

    I understand that many of the girls on the site are attempting recovery, but with all the set backs that occur I have to believe it effects your own personal recovery when all your closest support friends are struggling themselves and you spend time counciling them on their issues. I wonder why you don’t reach out to NEDA, the hotline is run by girls and women who have beat the disease, and are shining examples of role models. This is a big sticking point for me. I just don’t see the path to recovery evolving from your site….but perhaps I am wrong.

    Finally on the point of lack of insurance coverage for ED it is tragic. No one should be turned away nor shut out before they are recovered. Until a solution is found, you all to need to do you research to see what free or affordable care is available. ProAna is free so that’s a good thing, and based on the intelligence of the posters here I do have the sense you are all doing the best you can to assist each other in a loving, caring, attentive manner. But please, do some googling and find out what else is available. Many counselors will let you pay as you go, or pay a reduced rate, some you don’t pay at all if you can’t – you need to seek out help, it is waiting for you, you just have to go for it and you will see your life start to evolve in a different direction.

    Thank you Joey, and I wish you all the best in your recovery. My heart is truly with you.

  60. Joey says:


    thankyou so much for taking the time to listen to us on these issues, and for the advice you’ve given (i’ll be passing on the NEDA hotline to US girls attempting recovery).

    It is definitely true that proanorexia sites can inhibit recovery, not so much from the influence of thinspiration and so on, but more because we see the constant sadness of the others and give up hope (fortunately to help counteract this we have old members who have recovered who return to share their story, along with spreading recovery stories and youtube videos – i’m sure you’re familiar with Cat’s series for example. This is a new thing I’m implementing into the community as part of a Suicide Prevention Scheme – many suicide attempts occur because the person gives up hope that they will ever be well).
    The effect of the site in terms of how useful it is for those recovering varies a lot – for me for example it is a positive influence – i can look at some of the posts and be proud that i am no longer like that (eating 200cals a day and complaining of a sore throat from purgeing for example), and also as i have a lack of support in my ‘real life’ the community is especially good (if i’m struggling with a meal it is the girls and women on there who will tell me “go on, eat it Jo – you can do it!”). Others however find that leaving the community is best for them, often because they’ll be entering inpatient care or have some kindof other support and more of a life outside their eating disorder to focus upon.

    Some words about thinspiration (i notice you’ve mentioned this a few times, and i haven’t attempted explaining it) – i don’t feel any need to motivate myself to starve (just a look in the mirror and pure fear can do that!!), and a recent poll on the site showed that the pictures don’t influence peoples eating – that’s part of the wannabe-anorexic thing. However anorexics do tend to like the aesthetics of the pictures, and sometimes will use them to dream that maybe their efforts on losing weight are worth something as they may turn out as “beautiful” as those in the pictures, as a kindof escape from reality. (I hope that makes some kindof sense…i know i sound crazy!)

    Good luck with what you are attempting to do. I am in full agreement that some proanorexia sites are completely barbaric, and are DEFINITELY a negative influence upon girls with or without eating disorders, i just feel that my community is in many ways the exception.


  61. ana r. says:

    you’re a little obessed with proana sites. maybe you’re not fully ‘recovered’ from your supposed bout with the disease.

  62. mamavision says:

    Hi ana r. : My obsession with the proana sites stems from the fact that this new form of media, internet, allows for an entirely new way for women to communicate in an underground forum such as pro ana.

    I believe is it very important to educate parents, and the fact that I am receiving alot of heated posts from the proana community is also a good sign. It means we are all at least listening, and attempting to communicate.

    In terms of my issues, thank god I was free of ED years ago. I am 37 now and my biggest fear was having children and I would pass my habits on to them. My husband really helped me through the last leg of my ED, which was about 8 years ago.

    I think since my ED was tied in with my life as a model, it was easier for me to fully recover (and trust me if you would have asked me back when I was deep in it if I could recover I would have said no, I felt so totally hopeless to escape it).

    Anyway, I am good, whether or not you believe that is not my issue.

    Take care, and I wish you the best.

  63. Errin says:


    I stumbled here, and would just like to say thank you for trying to understand what’s going on, and for doing your part in helping girls get well. As a member of pro-anorexia, and a couple other sites, I do see where you’re coming from, as they can be extremely frustrating. My concern though is this: Does it not seem that you stumbled upon someone you never spoke to in life, who happens to serve your purpose, and so she has become a perfect example for you? I can see that Joey has made most things clear for you, so you know that many of us are still grieving for Kristi, but please take this into consideration: Your using someone. Someone who has died of a horrible disease, to further your cause. Regardless of how valiant that cause is, it’s callous. Please let Kristi rest in peace, and the people that she left behind heal. I think it’s safe to say, that most people know Anorexia is a dangerous disorder. Is it necessary to use Kristi as an example? I understand your passion on this topic, I do. But try not to let Passion get in the way of Compassion.

  64. becci says:

    i think what ur doing is amazing, i have not been formally diagnosed with an ed but ive been battling with my issues with food for 2 years now and have recently given up and begun self starvation, i can’t help it even now in these early stages i wish i could sit down and eat a proper meal and enjoy it but i can no more eat a meal than i could eat a shoe. I think that kristis post should be left up she chose to share her suicide with the world and i think the only person who can ask it to be taken down is kristi herself. I personally hate the ed forums they are not supporting you they are making u all worse can’t you see that next time someone tells you they have eaten something y not give them a round of applause rather than giving them tips on how to purge it. just a thought. u can do what u want with ur own body but dont offer encouragment to other people, do u really want to be responsible when they die because if u supported their anorexia then u are.

  65. tara says:

    Thankyou so much for bringing out the truth. Anorexia is not about weight, it is about control, abuse, depression, and all kinds of underlying issues. I have relapsed after 12 years of being ED free, and it is really hard to recover, but having and ED is not easy either. We need to support eachother in healthy ways more.

  66. an unquiet mind says:

    Thank you so much for doing this.
    My daughter is anorexic. I’m scared for her.
    The promotion of skeleton looking modles and celebrities is HURTING our girls.

  67. nicole says:

    hmm so i heard about that suicide and went to youtube to look for it and i found your video talking about how ull keep going till you hit rock bottom and how there is so much life out there but you wont reach out and grasp it till ur ready. and i just have to stand by you and back up that statement.

  68. Honora says:

    I have an anorectic child (now grown) and very much appreciate the work you have done in bringing awareness to the insidious and dangerous nature of Pro-Ana sites.

    However, in this particular case, this 34 year old woman had been taking a lot of criticism for not being Pro Ana enough. She was attempting to reform the site, as you have heard, and, while it is an important story, I think you have presented it as sensational journalism. Even if we only post blogs, we have a responsibility to get our facts straight and not malign people unfairly.

    She was not a “ringleader” and calling her such does her a great disservice. As she slowly lost hope for her own survival, she continued to reach out to others in hope. She simply had no strength or hope left for herself. It’s tragic and proves only that, in a society where loneliness is rampant, anorectics may be the loneliest among us.

    Please consider rewriting your opening. Fill it with the compassion you must feel for this woman and strike the blame. She did the best she could and that story, including her efforts to make a Pro Ana site more conducive to recovery, is the real story. She was a compassionate woman who fought long and hard but, eventually, lost a battle with a terrible adversary.

    Please consider honouring her efforts to do what you do. Perhaps she started out Pro Ana but at the tragic ending she was on your side. I think you would have been on her’s. Please be on her’s now.

    In Peace,

  69. thisisgood2be says:

    hi.. could you blur out my ID name if you are going to use my post?

  70. reallyill says:

    hey, i found ur video cos someone posted it on the pro ana lj, i then found this site and i just wanna say that that site is really helping me just now, i’ve been battling with bulimia for 12 years and i am currently on a 6month waiting list to get medical help. i do not have 6 months with my health right now, i am sick almost everyday even tho i try desperately not to. i restrict my calories and exercise daily but i am still being sick. the people on this site have helped me by giving me tips on how to get essential vitamins in low cal food. i have a lot of trouble with eating at all now because i am afraid that i either won’t stop or the guilt is so bad i am sick. these people have helped me when in reality i am afraid to talk to/upset my family or friends by talking about my low cal intake and how best to protect my teeth etc.. i think that especially in the uk just now these sites have a bad reputation but for people like me they r the 1 place i can really get things off my chest and get help that doctors cannot provide instantly

  71. ambre says:

    hi yall is this about anorexia or internet suicide i am not sure

  72. youaretransparenttome says:

    as a model, at 16, i think you had a rather catalog model look about you. sad, because that was obviously your peak. maybe if you had gained some level of haute couture success, you’d be singing a different tune. maybe, just maybe, you wouldn’t be sitting in your car – tired, wrinkly, chubby and haggard – getting TIPS from the proana sites on how not to tip over into morbid obesity while at the same time condeming them. you are pathetic. and rather disrespectful of other people’s privacy.

  73. Maddie says:

    I find this all so sad. Kristi was a very close friend of mine. She was certainly not a “young girl”. She was a very mature and sensible woman, and i miss her so much. I was the one who tried to shut proanorexia down after she died. I got damn close too, but trusted somebody i shouldn’t have. There is no doubt in my mind that proanorexia contributed to her death. If i could turn back time i would. In the meantime that site needs to be brought down. The current mods are seriously “pro-anorexic” (Kristi wasn’t) and it’s killing so many people.

  74. Niika says:

    Maddie: I’m sorry, but you won’t cure all the girls on Proanorexia just by shutting the site down. It doesn’t work like that. Besides, those who want or need it enough will just go find another forum to post on.

  75. mamavision says:

    Dear youaretransparenttome: Did you feel good when you hit that send button after writing your message to me? Hope it gave you some satisfaction. Your anger only shows ignorance, I’d rather hear from the real you.

    To tell you the truth, I was the “catalog” type model as you say. In Paris and Milan, the percentage that make it to the top are the cream of the crop and I certainly was not that, nor ever claimed to be. There was plenty of work to go around for us bottom feeders.

    Even as a cataloger, I am embarrassed by my modeling past. A life based on what you look like is not much of a life, at least it was not for me. So I quit. I couldn’t hack it nor did I want to anymore.

    I got my education, built a real life, and I am happy as hell. Even all tired, wrinkly, chubby and haggard in my old 97 Camry….I have a great life. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

    How about you?

    PS When it comes to saving lives, I am not worried about your privacy or anyone elses. You don’t want it posted here? Then don’t post it on ProAna and then you don’t have to worry about having yourself exposed.

  76. -C- says:


    I really appreciate you and your thoughts on anorexic girls, but what about the guys? I understand that the majority of anorexics are girls, but that’s all the more reason to recognize the fact that men can have it too. My boyfriend is anorexic and it’s a stuggle everyday for not only him, but for his family and I. It’s like on top of all of what his disease puts him and I through, he feels even more like a freak because what he has is widely accepted as a “girl’s problem”. I see it in him, he thinks he’s lost his masculinity.
    Maybe if more awareness is raised about male anorexia, he and other guys like him would open up to the help they need. Again, I thank you for your dedication to all of these people, they really need it.

  77. skinnyboy1989 says:

    Just one question please. You were not anorexic at 5’9 and 125 pounds. That is on the edge of normal weight. It may be at the far bottom of it, but still none the less normal weight. You were pressured to lose weight from someone else. To satisfy them. We on the other hand are doing it for ourselves. I think the whole pro-ana thing is quite silly. But I do understand the people going through this hell called an eating disorder. I am 5’6 at 103 pounds. No I am not bragging. When you are anorexic, which technically I am you don’t glorify the illness. It’s a painful scary roller coaster. But I wish you would stop downing people on pro-ana. Most of the people on their really do suffer from anorexia or another eating disorder. They go on there as do I for support. It really helps us through our struggle. I’m not pro-ana. That’s an illness. If I’m pro anything. It would be pro-thin. Just one question though ma’am. How can you relate your boss telling you not to eat for a few days to a real anorexic who forces themselves to not eat for days. It’s not the same. Not even close. Sometimes the only thing we are trying to impress is ourselves. I hope I could shed some light on this discussion without mindless banter and rude remarks like some others have down on here. Thank you for reading. See you on pro-ana.

  78. Maddie says:

    Niika: I was never under the illusion that closing down proanorexia would “cure” genuine anorexics. But 99% of the members on there are in pursuit of anorexia. Without access to that site, i would bet a lot of them would move on. Not all, but some. Isn’t doing something better than doing nothing??

  79. mamavision says:

    Hi skinnyboy1989: I certainly was no where near anorexic at any point in my life. However, the same feelings towards food, and endless thoughts about restricting occurred inside of me. I was lucky that I got out of the modeling industry before this mindset completely took over, because I would have likely gone downhill. As it was it took me years of therapy to get out of the ED mindset.

    With that said, I do not claim to know what it is to be anorexic, or bulimic. I do however understand the pressure to be thin, and what it is like inside the modeling life. That is the base of my knowledge. When I see proana sites glorifying stars and models, hailing them as their ultimate thinspiration, I can’t help but speak out about it.

    I fully understand the distinction between the pro-ana “wannabes” and people with ED’s. This often causes controversy here because individuals such as yourself, who are truly suffering are offended when you are placed in the same category as the wannabes. I am certainly not trying to do that, and I apologize if you are offended.

    When I post about pro-ana, I am directing my comments to the wannabes. You don’t have to try to be anorexic, you just are. If you could stop, you would. Both of us know what hell it is to think about food every second of your life.

    In regards to your comment about being “pro-thin” I think that is a fine line, don’t you? We live in a society that makes it natural to want to be thin, however I see this has gone completely over the line.

    Let’s go back to your orginal comment- back in my modeling days 5’9 125 pounds was skinny as hell. Now its on he lower end of normal as you say. I did not get my period at that weight and fit a size 8. That was standard, now what is the standard size? Size 0 to 4….size 0 did not even exist back then (early 90s).

    Enough said. Take care of yourself and thank you for sharing your viewpoint.

  80. skinnyboy1989 says:

    In a reply about thin…
    Well I think we may need to psycho-analyze our idea of thin.
    My idea of thin is your idea of emaciated in some cases. Not all but some.
    I’m thinking that if in truth anorexia nervosa is a perception disorder as well as a perfection disorder as I like to call it so….then america itself is promoting anorexia only in a more of a implicit content. You understand where I’m coming from?
    But then again…who are we as human beings to judge someone else’s perception on thin?
    What fat to us may be thin in other countries….it’s all about perception of beauty. So in conclusion, no matter how bold this may seem, I stand by it, I think America is in itself creating anorexia as a fad and no longer a disorder…it’s like when someone says…those people are weird…or….those people are nuts….some people are just drawn to the idea of living in such a way as to be labeled as such. Why else would they put emaciated young women in magazines such as Vogue….and later on say Mary Kate is anorexic. If you ask me….America is anorexic.
    Please think about this. I think I have made my point quite conclusively,

  81. skinnyboy1989 says:

    I must confess also…
    I was the one who posted on proanorexia about the peanut butter binge.
    2 tbsp*
    but that’s not why I was upset.
    That was just the straw that broke the camel’s back so to speak.
    I really wish you’d remove that.

  82. mark says:

    i just want to say that i am behind you 100% i hate the way the media portrays women and gets into peoples heads, it is time for a change

  83. Bella Rose says:

    hi! I like your site a ton, I have an eating disorder and earlier on in the disorder I have to admit that those sites attracted me. However as anorexia has tightened her grip around me, I’ve become more and more offended by those sites. They are killing people and are positively ridiculous!

  84. Aiden says:

    Hey there
    I watched your you tube post internet suicide, and i wanted to say that its very rare that you hear people who arent “pro-ana” understand “pro-ana” like you do.
    You are so caring, and you make so much sense without being pretentious or arrogant.
    I’ve been suffering with eating disorders for almost 11 years, and i’m sickened by the pro-anorexia movement, but im also drawn to it.

    My take on it is that the ana sites make it so that the eating disorder behavior, which in real life is embarassing and needs to be constantly hidden, is considered OK.
    You can go to these sites or message boards and you can write all about your purging and binging and no ones going to force you into recovery, everyone there is going to understand, and you are being told that it is alright to keep doing these behaviors.

    You can see how this can be good for the anorexic psyche, but how damaging it can be to family/friend relationships, and how it drives anorexics to veiw recovery and help as the ultimate evil.
    So yeah, thats all i wanted to say.

    Thank you for posting this, and thank you for making your videos.
    If you ever want to get in contact:

  85. Aiden says:

    btw, skimming the comments above i read the one the 16 year old wrote about your modeling, and i wanted to say that you were and are beautiful and damn right that kind of life is not worth it.

    Keep being happy, youre a great person 😀

  86. Jaimie says:

    hey umm whats your advice on bulimia??

  87. Mariah says:

    Hi…my name is Mariah Danielle…I am NOT anorexic but I am obese. I feel for all these wonderful people. They have their flaws but they are STILL beautiful I hope that you all realize that…and stop criticizing yourself so much. I am losing weight now because I realized that I was just too hard on myself with being overweight and I’m becoming more healthy. I wish every single one of you girls luck on fixing your bad habits. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL…don’t think different.

  88. Wepzz says:

    I would like to say, I was a strong member of the lj pro-anorexia community when Kristi died… She tried to help so many young sad girls, she had people coming in, compairing her to Hitler… There was a lot of things going on when she killed herself…
    To see her mind set, you would have had to have been with the community for the last week or so… There was so much spam and harsh words to her from trolls that it was crazy…

    Also, on the Pro-ana note… I’m not anorexic, I’m one of those wanna-be’s… I went from 227 in December, to about 185 in March… It didn’t take long to lose a mass amount of weight, and that’s what I love about the Pro-Anorexic community… That’s why I’m still here, using the tips, learning how to lose the weight the only way I know how… I’m 16 years old, I’m fully aware of what I’m doing to myself, I’m starving for the idea of perfection…
    227 pounds, on a 15 year old at 5’1 isn’t healthy… I was sick, just in the other way… I was just as unhealthy as I am when I use the Pro-Ana sites…
    Yeah, I thought one day “Wtf am I doing??? Why aren’t I enjoying life with my friends instead of counting my calories, bites, liquid’s, and everything…” That’s when I quit the whole “Self starvation” thing…

    But… I still go weeks at a time without eating… Without trying… Days skip on me, and all I remember is the gum I was chewing, and my thoughts about the bag of candy next to me that I’m not going to eat… I went a week not to long ago, where I had a glass of mountian dew, 2 pieces of winterfresh, and I chewed and spit a chip…

    Pro-Anorexia messes with your mind after a while… You fall into it… You become it when you stop trying so hard… That’s the point of this message, I didn’t try, I just used what the sites said… Yes, they work in a fast amount of time, but even the biggest most overweight girls still get mixed up in this lifestyle… and it never really goes away…

  89. ms_wyldchyld says:

    This is a great thing you’re doing…i truly admire your resiliency. There are all sorts of issues in life and you have chosen to keep your head out of the sand with something that is affecting a wide demographic of women and men…young and old. I admire you and commend you as well. The small steps that you’ve taken here can and will help someone. I’m not aware of the circumstances surrounding this particular blog entry fully…only by reading the comments here have I somewhat grasped what happened. Very tragic.

    I had to learn that anorexia is a disease from watching an ex-girlfriend battle with it…so I’m all for help…even if you have a million naysayers…please never forget that what you’re doing is important…and necessary.

    Thank you

    ~ms. wyldchyld~

  90. Pingback: Young jeezy blog » Blog Archive » Young girl masturbate ♥

  91. jess says:

    Wow, thanks so much for the thinspo pics you post all over your site; they’re really inspiring. They give me the extra needed push to fast for a few more days.

    You’re a genius.

  92. mamavision says:

    Hi Jess: I fully understand that posting these images here provides proana individuals with a whole slew of images to pick and choose from. These images are everywhere, therefore I have to weigh the pros and cons of posting them here. The purpose is to educate parents and the public about the proana trends so they can be availabile for girls like you and be ready to help you when you are ready for it.

    Take care,

  93. Pingback: Jack

  94. Randell says:

    We take no glory in failing, but Riseing up everytime we fail.

  95. Randell says:

    …. How do I quit smoking?

  96. Lisa says:

    Hey, MamaVision, I ran across one of your youtube videos and your blog doing a research project for my “media and community building” class. I’m writing about the inpact of pro-ana sites, inlcuding the one on Livejournal (which is actually what inspired this topic). Thanks for your insight (i’m sure I’ll quote you because you’ve spoken a great deal on the impact of pro-ana communities).

    The Internet Suicide post literally had me in tears because that is so sad . . . and what’s worse is that some other girl might have read that and decided to do the same thing.

    From your blog and youtube videos I think you dole out some tough love, but I hope that it’s helping. It’s way too easy to get to a pro-ana site, even if you’re just looking for support I hope some of these girls will find this one and decide to ask for help instead of coninuing to suffer.

  97. Deb says:

    I want to lose weight and no matter what I WHAT i DO I cant and so remain fat 110 kg I want to be thin not fat like this. I have tried exercise, pills not eating and nothing works please someone help me lose this FAT that i am carrying around. I could end u dead because of being obese so please help give me the information to lose the weight

  98. sara says:

    ok so i havent told anyone yet but im anorexic. I have no clue what to do and my mom caught me and she didnt even care. I dont think im fat i just dont want to end up fat. Dont knw what to do about this but its getting worse and nothing seems to help. Its like im stuck and no one seems to care. Plz help me im so scared that ill end up wasting away my whole life.

  99. mamavision says:

    Hi Sara: I am glad you are reaching out. As I always say, I am not a professional, just a listening ear who has been there.

    What do you mean by your mom caught you and she didn’t care?

    A good, safe first step is to call the hotline. Its anonomous, they don’t have caller id and you can give a fake name. Click on MamasHelp on the top of the blog, you will see the NEDA hotline info there.

    Please write back to let me know what you decide to do.
    You’ll find support here honey, so I am glad you found us.

  100. mamavision says:

    Hi Deb: I am no weight loss expert. This blog focuses on eating disorders primarily anorexia and bulimia.

    Weight Watchers seems to be the most balanced, realistic weight loss plan. Its slow, but you will lose weight and keep it off (or so I have heard).

    Seriously I wish I could be of more help, but this area is not really my strength.

    Hang in there, I hope you find your way.

  101. Aoife says:

    Wow, that’s seriously messed up…I’m looking at the community right now, and people are asking what’s the best excuse to not eat, and people are saying “say you have a tummy ache”, etc…how is that helping them???

  102. Catherine says:

    I’m 30, I developed ED thinking very young, I began indulging in the behavior at 12. I had been a ballet dancer since I was 5 years old. I could put on muscle or fat with the same effort. For years I thought my purging was “responsible overeating”. And overeating was almost everything. I’d diet and exercised like my life depended on it. It so casually waltz into my life, I hardly thought my behavior was odd. Apon discovering I had an ED, I read every book in the library to learn how to hide it.
    Granted, I was sexually abused from the age of 4 till I was 9 years old. I believe the eating disorder was merely another way to abuse myself and it started me on the path of destroying myself. I was a cutter (self-mutilator) in my teens and early 20s. I attempted suicide several times. I abused alcoholic and illegal drugs in my early 20s. Through it all, my ED behavior, especially the purging was the most gratifying.

    Now, after years of therapy, medication, and spiritual understanding, I don’t indulge in any of the destroying behaviors I’ve mentioned (except rarely, purging); the fact is the damage to my body has been done. I’ve damaged my digestive tract, my heart, my joints & muscles, my kidneys, my skin, as well as my perspectives, my relationships, my mind. I have a number of chronic illnesses that shouldn’t kill me if I continue my medication regiment, physical therapy, mental therapy, and spiritual healing.

    MamaV, I’m grateful you are sending this warning, people need to understand anorexia and bulimia will lead to sadness, sorrow, and regret. None of them will ever be thin enough, always fall short of their imagined ideal. In helping unknown others destroy themselves through these Pro-ED sites, they will fall deeper into the muck of despair and maybe succeed in destroy themselves completely.

    I hope your message is heard by all who need it.
    I wanted you to know you’ve helped me,
    even tho I am a survivor of this particular battle.

    May blessings befall you and your efforts.

    In gratitude, Catherine

  103. Bianca says:,
    could you please remove her picture? She’s trying her best to recover, and she has gained about 10lbs. She’s doing better, so much better, happier, getting her life back. She’s taking baby steps, but I’m proud of her :)

  104. beenthere says:

    Hello all,

    I was glad that the fact that anorexia can also be a male problem was recognized. I came to this forum because I saw a video on youtube. It is well recognized that female anorexia is from trying to be more fashionable and accepted, but it seems less likely that male anorexia would be for the same kind of fashion statement. Weightlifters sometimes have an eating disorder called BIGOREXIA.

    I visit some health forums on another website and realize that there are many people who simply want to be the healthiest person on the planet but have no real health problems, they simply treat the ingestion of healthy foods like it’s a contest. It seems that many people simply take the wise, vigilant approach to healthy living to the extreme because they learned an attitude of perfection. The perfectionist attitude doesn’t necessarily include an attitude of low self-esteem, but fear of being inadequately healthy and “insufficient”.

    For this reason, I am an advocate of a healthy degree of ARROGANCE (without UNJUSTLY disrespecting other people). Other people sometimes are unjust and request TOO MUCH respect (don’t let them get away with it). Stand up and take pride in yourself.

    I have seen so many other people feel subordinate and repressed by the prudish ideas and attitudes of “society”, when society itself cannot measure up to anything more than those “fantasy” ideals (because those ideals do not include any ABSOLUTES,…in other words, those “fantasy attitudes” are phony).

    I have seen too many people suffer at the cost of other people’s ego. I grew up in a dysfunctional family and suffered 51 years of suicidal depression, I know how narcissistic people can tare apart the lives of everybody around them. Be strong in yourself, know yourself and BE yourself (as you think you are, so will you be, “I think, therefore I am”).

    “I am who I am” (God) wants you to be strong in “SELF” (Exodus 3:14).

    Thank you for this site, Mammavision.

  105. Rose says:

    Hello mama,

    I have been a member of a pro ana forum for just under a year now. Your video really touched me, and I couldn’t agree more with everything that you said: on that note, I found your blog a little insensitive and inaccurate: focusing on the extreme, but nevertheless you seem well intentioned.

    I can’t speak for any other site or forum but I know that the people on the forum that I am a member of are extremely supportive, they respond to my journal and very often make sure that I am being healthier than what I would be if I was alone, I purge quite a lot and if I ever get myself into a situation where I bleed more than I should or anything else worrying, I have friends there who I can talk to, who have experienced similar things in the past. For me, seeing a doctor is not an option, I am far too afraid, not so much of recovering, which is something that I do want for myself, but of the doctor’s response: I am in no way underweight, and I’m afraid of being laughed at or pushed away – something that has happened to me in the past when a member of staff heard me purging, I guess what I’m trying to say is that people like me really don’t have anywhere else to go to for support and support that can be negative at times feels more comforting than no support at all.


  106. Jess3417 says:

    Just fell into your website mama, and I did not like your comparison of OCD to anorexia, maybe I misunderstood your point. OCD is controllable (with or with out medication) and can be over come, just as anorexia can be controlled and reversed with or with out medical attention. But I have been in therapy for years over my OCD and anorexia showed in college when my OCD was at it’s worst. Therapy helped me to deal with the anorexia and the OCD. BUT, I am OCD, and my main focus, obviously, is control, and a lot of anorexics have issues with control in their lives no matter what it is they can’t control or want to control. SO, saying that the two are nothing alike, is not accurrate because in my case, the anorexia will always “be”. Even if you start eating again, you always remember what it was like to be skinny and how good it looked and felt, and it did feel good. People say you can overcome anorexia, but it never goes away. Anorexia is a large part of my life again as well as the worsened OCD. I need to control what is going on my life and surroundings as well as what is going into my body. I enjoy it. I enjoy knowing that I have total control over every aspect of my life, it’s comforting. Also, I don’t care how the media has portrayed women or how skinny anyone else is, I just want to be what I want to be, and when I look in the mirror and I see the fatty looking back at me, I know that anorexia is how I should cope with the “fatty” because that is the only way it went away before and the only way to keep it away.

  107. (does this matter??) says:

    Is this a source of income for you or others?? Are you truly reaping profits from the death of a daughter, sister, friend? That’s where the term blood money originated and using the term “hypothetically” does not whitewash your responsiblity or reduce ownership.

    Your continued sensationalism thinly veils your motives & it is horrific that you refuse to remove clearly flawed information that isn’t only misleading but destructive. Couldn’t you respect the families if not the victims? These are peoples lives you’re parading about and headlining–if you’ve really understood what these disorders were like, you would not gleefully post these stories.

    I’m more than certain this note will be overlooked & possibly decried as too dramatic but I’ll be able to look in the mirror and know I’ve not taken cents from breaths & dollars from heart beats.

  108. Lex says:

    Thanks so much both for bringing this up and for mentioning the red bracelet. I wish more parents knew about such things. It hurts so much that this exists in the world.

  109. GodLOVESYou says:

    Are world is so missed up now after we kicked God out of school and are lifes. We have things now they never had 50 years ago….Like mass School schootings,mothers killing their whole families,people flying planes into buildings, anorexic Ect.

    It’s so sad and most just dont see it and things just keep getting worst.


  110. katie says:


  111. that’s why it will never wor. Serafino Raimondo.

  112. when you say it’s ove. Frederik Kyleigh.

  113. googleme says:

    This site is a big goof. Anyone who decides to destroy their own bodies deserves to die. Other people shouldn’t support this bad HABIT in any way. Deal with what God gave you and make the best of it. Don’t try to change yourself is some freakish manner. I can only laugh at these sick people. I have no bad feelings for them.

  114. Questioner says:

    Ok so im a little confused about this website it seems like there is only one person trying to stop the madness of these girls from killing themselves and from the looks of it no one is listening. I dont know what the hell this website is trying to acccomplish because all i see are girls dying because they want so much to be skinny and if their parents or their friends cant see that then they have some serious issues and obviously dont know how to pay attention to their children and they are just as stupid as the girls doing this to themselves. You girls are so beautiful but its not because your skinny thats what makes you ugly do whats right gain some weight i promise more people will notice you that way not this way people just look at you in disgust and questioning.
    just wondering,

  115. Pingback: 1 Year Anniversary « mamaVISION

  116. Josie says:

    As there have been a whole load of new readers channelled back to this post again, i want to reiterate the problems with this post:

    – saying Kristi was a “young girl” when she was 3 years younger than you – are you a young girl??
    – calling her the “ringleader of the Proanorexia Livejournal site”. That implies she was “pro-ana”, supported/started the community in how it is (potentially destructive), and was therefore somehow an evil person leading others in the “pro-ana lifestyle”, which is an insult to her memory. She’d only been mod for about 3-4 months, and was working hard to make the community more supportive and less “pro-ana”.
    – saying “proving yet again the adapting pro-ana lifestyle is messing with fire”. She had anorexia, aka severe mental illness, she wasn’t living the “pro-ana lifestyle”. Being involved in the community i doubt had much to do with her suicide. 1 in 5 anorexics die, 2nd most common cause is suicide, and proanorexia sites have not been implicated in an increase in suicide. Social isolation however has, and pro-ana sites gives a person emotional support, as well as all the crap. Kristi had some amazing friends from the community who loved her dearly.
    – saying “your new leader immediately took over from Kristi, reiterated the pro-ana mission, and dedicated to convincing us all you are an eating disorder “support site”. This is a personal one because who did livejournal make moderator when they found out? Me. Did i do any of these things? No.
    – “your sick community, and have realized you are leading them down a path towards destruction.” This implies that i (and anyone else who are in any way influencial at the site) are leading vulnerable young girls to take on the pro-ana lifestyle.
    – “This is their status symbol. A feeding tube, afterall, proves you are a hard core anorexic”…what??!
    – “This is what they stress about, a day over 200 calories is a total crisis”. That is the horrible reality of life with ANOREXIA NERVOSA. It’s not a sad fad diet, it’s a mental illness. I remember that horrible life. I didn’t choose it. I didn’t enjoy it. But it was my illness.
    – “These are their proud snapshots, showing off their accomplishments for all to see” and “The pro-anorexic girls I “featured” here would be proud to have their skeletons highlighted for the world to see. Their starvation success achieved, the attention they crave fulfilled”. No, not proud. Disgusted, confused, alone. Imagine being you, going around, and everyone is telling you “you look disgusting” and telling you that you need to eat more, but when you look in the mirror you see an obese elephant-like freak. How are you to deal with that every day? It’s so hard, knowing what’s real. But the people you CAN trust to tell the truth, who understand, are other anorexics. I remember posting photos of myself, simply so that i could try and figure out who/what was lying – my perception, or others perception. And how do you know these girls are pro-anorexic, or even have EDs? You don’t. At least one of those pictures is of a model actually, just taken off a site. Those photos come from all over the place.

    If you corrected your statements when you’re wrong, then i wouldn’t have much of a problem.
    However, this post is full of untruths, offensive to Kristis memory, and spreads (even more) misunderstanding about eating disorders.

  117. melinda says:

    Hi momma,
    I just wanted to say what you are doing is more wonderful then my words can say. I am such a big fan of what you do because im 17 and i see a world that says if your not thin the your not pretty. when i was 14 i was desprate to lose weight and unfortunatly i became anorexic but then i met a wonderful person….. i just had an epiphany. my whole train of thought was turned around and slowly with the help of others i was able to get to a healthy 130 when i was 14 this would have killed me since i got down to 105. when you starve your self it hurts you in so many ways and im glad that now if i ever feel bad or start to have my old feeling i can look to someone like you for support .

    thank your for reading

  118. Sophia says:

    i totally agree with everything your trying to say.

    im 16 and ive had an eating disorder in the past. Ive been a healthy weight for months, but its not until reacently that ive realised everything that i was thinking was wrong.

    i think that for anyone who is in that position should step back and look at themselfs from another persons point of view. what would someone close to you think of what your doing to yourselfs?

    Its not until i thought this that i started to think positive.

    so this girls blog? was none of her pro-ana friends comments persuading her to stop?

  119. Josie says:

    Sophia – you can’t persuade a person to “stop”, but you can support them the best way you can, which is what Kristis friends did, right up til the end. Kristi was 34, not a girl, and she’d been ill since her teens.

  120. paige says:

    hi every1 i am tryin 2
    loose weight all of ma
    friends call me fat and some
    call me anorexic i have
    2 see lotz of ppl about bein thin but thy dnt understand that im fattt!!!

  121. CHock says:

    The truth is that these girls are utterly disgusting looking and maybe a campaign to tell them this would help. I think the ones that choose to look like this are so mis-informed that they believe they look better the thinner they get. WOW……crazy thought. They are very scary looking. Hock

  122. Brandi says:

    i wish you knew what you were talking about! eating disorders and all… i have bulimia, and have been sent to a pshyc hospitol twice, and medical hospitol countless amounts of times, let alone i am always on constant watch by my family and friends! i cant help myself… i am so confused and lost, throwing my food up is the only thing in my life that i have absolute complete control over… i have been struggling with this for over three years now and nothing i or anyone around me can help… you dont understand, when everything in your life is shattering around you, you have to find a coping mechanism, and mine just so happens to be an eating disorder… i thrive on losing weight and looking my best… everyone always tells me comments about how “bad”, “gross”, “sick”, or anything else i have been told, and i cant help but wonder why they say these things. i am not happy with the way i look, nor do i think that i will ever be… you need to get everything straight before you say the things that you do… yes, it is your personal opinion, and you are entitled to it, but at least when you post these things online, dont criticize, or look down on, but take the time to listen to all points of view, not only your own… please email me at the address that i gave in posting this comment, maybe you can help me, no one else seems to be able to… -Brandi

  123. Leah says:

    I think it is great that you are trying to help the girls that suffer with anorexia, when I was younger I used to be over weight and my abusive dad would make me feel horrible about myself constantly, so I resorted to anorexia along with cutting, if it weren’t for the support I got from my very good friend, I might have let that be the end of me, lease keep it up, these girls need to know that they are beautiful the way they are!

  124. byhajgyzo says:

    After it occurred to that made a justin timberlake sexy proposalwhile pulling a time in the.

  125. brandie says:

    Current mood: scared

    this is to all those girls and guys out there with this disorder you are worth it and please believe YOU ARE NOT FAT AND YOU ARE NOT UGLY if you need someone to talk to feel free i know a few girls who deal with this everyday of there life and i come to relize that its not your fault for the disease it is your fault if you dont at least try to understand there are so many that suffer with this every waking hour and some who have actually died so if i can be of any help dont hesitate to contact me.There are lots of people out there that care and want to see you succeed i am one of them

  126. Danielle says:

    The truth is that relatively some people are fat and some are ugly. If you can learn to live life as an experience of yourself that does not matter. If you want to live through or reflecting others, the anxiety will not cease. You are who you are, and y’all know that already. I am not saying anything that y’all don’t already know…that knowledge is intuitive as is your true beauty.

  127. Gottaliv says:

    Dear Kristi
    Even though you aren’t around physically to read this, I’m sure you are checking up now and then to see how it’s going. I wish I had known you. I don’t know why … I just do. I have been reading this site which I accidentally came across, for a couple of hours now, and I think to myself ‘what a waste of a wonderful personality’. One such as you should have lived to ‘old age’ to guide and teach others. You could have been a great writer, as the talent you display in your writings shows such deep expression, wisdom and understanding seldom found in someone of your age. I am neither anorexic nor am I young but being a Capricorn too, can relate to oh so much of what you have written. I am really sorry your history started you on nearly a life time of self harm, but I understand.
    May-be what you have written will help somebody else to seek the right sort of help in time enough to stop the progression of this illness, before it’s too late. I don’t have any answers, and don’t even pretend to know what it’s all about, so may-be I don’t have any right to even be writing this, but I DO know the world is less because you aren’t a part of it anymore. However, I do suspect your memory will live on for a long time to come. I sincerely hope your brother has sorted himself out by now, and I hope you are enjoying your freedom with your sister for company. WE may even meet some day. So until then, take care, keep happy, and goodnight. Much love and peace…Carol.

  128. sanajoy says:

    hey mamaVISION

    I just wanted to say I’m a part of the proanorexia community. I remember first joining and seeing on the application that the original leader committed suicide and being completely horrified and thinking, “what the hell are these girls doing?” but I joined anyway. I agree with you that seeking help from a fellow anorexic isn’t any help at all and not really support. But I guess I was so alone like a lot of the other girls that I was desperate to join. I’m still not ready to tell anyone although I desperately want to[and no one had figured my ED out yet]. I never found sites like this that I could come to, that probably would have helped me a lot and my pursuit in recovery. But now I have and hopefully I’ll get there.

    oh and I stumbled upon this and twistedsister from a link and I also have my own blog.

  129. Alice_Maria says:

    There is NOTHING wrong with pro ana mia websites, at all. It’s a choice to be ana or mia, and the websites just help them. It’s a choice. There is nothing wrong with them.

  130. Annabelle says:

    Im not quite sure how I came across this site, but truly i believe tat these women aren’t just trying to be thin they want to be “sexy”, “popular” Im guessing they just want to fit in.
    (not saying its right)
    Allot of these people are teens in high school according to the links and one was even in seventh grade, it is just scary.

  131. therin says:

    i don’t have anything intelligent to say, so if you’re going to continue reading this, don’t expect anything fancy.

    i hate anorexic people. i completely understand you, it’s not JUST to look thin, it’s like a trap you can’t get out of cause you don’t really understand how far deep you’re in, and you really can’t decipher reflections from reality. i got down to 90lbs, i’m 5″6, and i thought i was fat. FAT. honestly, that’s insane. i don’t even remember what i looked like cause i never saw what other people saw. then i see the pictures, and they’re absolutely ghastly.
    look in the mirror right now, and you wont see beauty. not in your face. you may be proud of your body, although few of you are, but everyone can see it in your face that you’re unhappy, unhealthy, and it’s unattractive to be frank.
    that’s the worst thing you can say to an anorexic.
    but it’s true, and i don’t empathize for a second.
    not that you’re looking for empathy, sympathy, or any sort of negative attention..or positive attention. maybe you’re like me and just want to be forgotten, left alone to live your life under your own circumstances, or better yet die.
    so..i hate when people feel this way. and if you do, there’s nothing i can say. you have to toughen up, no quick fixes, no mirages, if you want to survive in the world. it’s your mentality that will save you from heartache, as well as cause plenty of pain. but i’d rather be hurting inside from my own self-harm than letting people on the outside get to me.
    that’s what most of you are doing too.
    damn, i still relate to you.

    i just hate hearing girls talk about calories, and fat, and how much they weigh..but that’s only because it brings back memories. anyway, i’m done with this. i hope this made you uncomfortable and irritated. ciao

  132. Anon. says:

    This makes me sad. While I hate what that community stands for, Kristi was actually a very smart and lovely soul. She was also very sad. I knew she was depressed, but suicide was a shock. It hurt enough seeing her posts after the fact and knowing I was too late to save her.

  133. trevor says:

    i found mamaVISION’s video on youtube (although i didn’t watch it in full). however, i did follow the links, i read all of kristi’s posts (at least the ones that were linked), i read through all the information on this site, and then i read the comments.

    i would like to say first off, that i am not anorexic or bulimic; i don’t know anyone who is; and i have no leanings towards either affliction.

    having said that, i would like to comment on all i have read here. it is sad any time someone chooses to take their own life. my heart goes out to kristi (may she be at peace), her family, her kitties, her friends, and especially anyone who suffers from the same disease and was touched by either her or her situation. the main thing i have noticed, however, is that there seems to be very little intelligent discourse taking place here, and much more sniping and attacking. i understand that some feel mamaVISION has either misinterpreted the facts (or been unaware of them), but the bottom line is that she is trying to do good. i highly doubt that kristi would have wanted her life and her struggle to be a source of constant bickering…i would like to think that she would have wanted (even in her last moments) to help those that can’t or won’t help themselves.

    if mamaVISION’s blog helps to forward that thinking, then she is honoring kristi’s memory in a positive way.

    having said that, i understand that emotions are heightened (and rightfully so), but calling someone out for something that was not an intentional slight seems like the wrong way to do it. the misunderstandings could have been taken care of in a private manner (IM’s, emails, etc.) so that the good work that is being attempted could continue, unabated.

    i understand, also, that the internet is not always the most rational place for a serious discussion. unfortunately, this is a serious matter for a number of people; and as such, should be treated with the proper degree of decorum.

    these have been opinions only, and as the saying goes, “opinions are like a$$holes, everyone has one and they all stink”. so, take what you will from it.

    i commend both mamaVISION and any whom are trying to help those in serious need of help. this blog should not be the place for attacks and nitpicking – i don’t think mamaVISION was doing so with any kind of maliciousness. my request is this: please, let cooler heads prevail so a solution can be found. until such a time, please continue doing the good work you are doing. kudos to all the positive people searching to find a way to fix this disease, or at least to shed some light on it.

  134. Pingback: Eating Disorders « Kimkins Scam

  135. Artica says:

    I see you have a photo of ME up there as the “proud snapshot”.

  136. Artica says:

    And you better take the pic of the girl to the right DOWN. I don’t want to pop up on the first site on google images when someone search for “ballet thinspo”! I have never posted that photo on LJ or anything! And I’m not that skinny anymore either.

  137. Alexaaa says:

    Lets give you another great post about this theme.

  138. taylor b says:

    look me up
    and i think your a cock sucking bitch and i think you really need to stop making videos because noone really cares what your lame ass has to say and your page sucks balls sooooo you no keep being a retarded bitch and by the way you really really UGLY <333
    Bye <3

  139. Kk says:

    hahahaha i love her comment ^^^^^^^
    taylor your so funny
    but anyway
    STOP making fun of people who kill themselves
    the only reason they did that is cause
    you ruined their livges by posting videos
    about them
    i hope my comment helps you realize
    that no one like’s you & you should probly
    go kill your self and do every one a favor
    love you

  140. Hannah says:

    My friend had to do a report in school on a controversial topic and she chose proanorexia. These sites allow girls to post images of their skeletal bodies and turn it into some sort of competition. I am in complete agreement with you that these sites are not giving these girls any support but as they’re so deeply into their illness they cant see that. I think the best thing that could be done is to take the websites off the web that are actually doing more harm than good. I am not saying “Hey lets go delete every anorexia site out there that’ll solve the problem!” all im saying is that the ones who are just out there doing no good if not harm should be removed and these sites should be regualarly monitered to make sure they are getting the help and support needed.

  141. Pingback: ProAna Perspective « mamaVISION

  142. xxxthin_and_bonesxxx says:

    I am a member of pro anorexia and I love it there the girls and guys are so supportive
    leave us alone and stop bashing our site
    anorexia kills and we are ill how dare you make out like we just wanna have eating disorders your site sucks go away

  143. hon says:

    Thank you for that video… it really got through to me. Everyday I struggle between trying to be healthy, or starving myself… and sometimes I think I forget which way ‘up’ is, if that makes sense, but your voice really reminds me to try to beat this.
    You are really making a difference, at least to me.

  144. jessie says:

    i cant believe this. i am so shocked that there is a pro-ana site. like come on. these people need serious medical help maybe there should be like a meeting place for all of you to get get together and there should be like doctors and families of people who have diet from anorexia or bulemia or survivers of it. just so that poeple see that there is help and they dont have to go through this alone or with people with the same problem. they need to talk about it to someone who can help them get better not worse.

  145. Rebecca says:

    Hey mamavision, for the past few months i’ve been i reolized my friend was becoming anorexic, it made me rlly sad i didn’t know how to help him. I started to get all bummed out because i couldn’t help him. I was so into trying to figure out how to help him that I ended up losing my appetite to eat and started only eating once a day. My friend started to get mad at me cuz I was yelling at him to stop doing something I was doing. In a way im happy that I got him to stop doing it, but then I relolized that was getting worse. I haddent stopped. And im scared. I droped 40 pounds in 2- 3 months. My friend keps trying to help me get back on track. I reolized that it was nothing about wanting to be thin, but it was cuz of depression. It was to many things happening all at once. I think 5 times a day about suicide and shit it just gets to me at a point. but wat ever theres no point, as long as hes all good. hes got a better future planned out than i do.

  146. Marija says:

    To be honest – when I see girl who have ana I want to puke. It is discusting to me. I don’t blame them or judge or anything, but I can’t say that I understand them, either. All I know is – ana is a HUGE problem, and very very HARD battle, but ask yourself: life or death? health or illnes? happy and joy or sadness and misery? do you want to love yourself and other to love you or you want them to blame and hate you, so as you do to yourself? do you want to be really proud of yourself or you want to strugle with this horrible illnes which is killing slowlly you and your mother, father, sister, brother, friends… Go to the hospital and take medicine help, throw out your lying mirrors and chose LIFE! I wish you to get well, kill ana inside you (before she kills you), and have long and happy lives! Good look, my heart is with you! So as my soul…

  147. Laura says:

    I agree fully with Kate. Instead of getting support from the doctors and nurses and people that promised only to help, they get more restriction only in a different way! “Oh you can’t exercise because you didn’t eat your cake!” Yeah that will encourage them to pursue recovery *sarcasm*

    Then they turn to pro-ana sites because they feel even MORE restricted by the people that try to help. Ironic? yes. Funny? not really!

  148. Heather says:

    It is so sad she died
    After reading your views on proanorexia sites, mama, i really dont know what to think
    i have to admit i’ve found myself on them for someone to understand me
    but i know they are wrong
    its so confusing to stabilise my view

  149. anon says:

    some of you look so fat

  150. Name Shhhh says:

    I read some of the comments and watched the video. I really dont know what to say. I have had a mixed experience on various sites. One of the ironic things I found was that you would get booted for suicide but it was fine to promote starvation diets, clubs, competitions. That in my mind was slow motion suicide. Another universal trait I noticed was that if you were doing fine and being healthy little socialization or community was around you to support forward movement. Only in turbulant times or starvation periods were people there. I also doubt a lot of peoples actions on these sites. I have dealt with this personally and I know when people are lying about what the body can take. It really pisses me off because if someone tried to mirror the actions they could really end up hurt or dead right quick. Another strange thing is people will lurk on these sites and harvest ones they see fit to be in secret boards. Which is really strange as people go there not to be judged. But they are being judged. Every single one of them. I am myself at a place where I dont know what to do. Pro-Ana seems so false and trendy and fake. Diet boards have posters that do nothing but attack anyone thats not 300 pounds.
    There is not a safe place anywhere in this world for anyone truely in a suffering state. Most people on both sides of the fence dont really care. They just want to hear themselves talk so they can feel good about who they are. Not so someone else can move forward, heal or be safe. Glad to see that you dont seem to be like them.

  151. Mysti Mayhem says:

    Hi! I saw a video you made on youtube regarding a girl named Kristin… you ARE making a difference. You speak well and from the heart. You are proof that love makes a difference and I pray you keep infection peoples’ lives with hope. Love and Light to you.

  152. MAROY MARIO says:

    I LIKE TO USE CAPS A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  153. Jess says:

    i dont wonna end up that way but i think i am going to end up that way i am scared.

  154. Lisa says:

    i came across your you tube video while doing a search for “internet suicide” since i have been contemplating/researching it since 2005. i dont know how old you are but you mentioned you had kids and i do too. plus i have been dealing with disordered eating and obsession with weight on and off for the past 17 years. i guess because we have those things in common (and my curiosity about the documented suicide) is why i came over to your site.

    anyhow, i put it in my favorites although i doubt i’ll be a regular but i’ll try to check to check it out occasionally before i ctb.

    take care

  155. ThaGreatBakka says:


    I came across a video on youtube that ended up sending me here because I HAD to click on it out of curiousity. I don’t have any plans on suicide or anything….nor do I really care about it. I just thought I should post a comment about it since I ended up here.

    I don’t really understand how someone could even consider the thought of suicide. There are always answers to questions and solutions to problems other than suicide. I’m extremely happy-go-lucky….so I doubt I’d be first in line to get any “fans” or positive remarks about this comment. But at least I don’t have anything real negative ta say about the topic ^_^ Other than the fact that there are people that can help anyone out if they have a problem…they’re out there…you just have ta find’em 😉 And if you can’t find them…then I think you’re pathetic as a human and you need to learn that anything is possible.

    That’s my name on youtube. ThaGreatBakka. ^_^ Feel free to leave a comment. I’m a 23 year old dude….and I’m an extreme smartass. But I also take things seriously from time to time ^_^ oh…and I got things to say about everything. So a comment whenever/wherever I can leave one just seemed fitting if ya know what I mean 😛

    ps. Do NOT kill yourself. <3 ^_~

    Oh…and sometimes I wonder if people think suicide is an option because they fear change. Like….suicide over losing a lover…..they fear coping with that missing part of them…..and then they think suicide will fix everything. Sheer stupidity if you ask me. But kinda understandable seeing how alot of people are unaware that they have extreme weaknesses that can overpower logic and other understanding capabilities.

    I like to believe that if I don’t know someone, they’re just a flea on mother earth’s ass that I don’t need to think or worry about. But I also like to speak my mind and sometimes, others end up catchin a slice of whatever it is my mind makes me express ^_^ Such as now. But before I self centeredly jump topic (lol), I should keep in mind that this should be about suicide.


    yea, don’t kill yourself and prove to me that the world is filled with what I call “morons, idiots and humans”…..which would all be the same….I blame differences for that though.) ^_^

    remember, don’t kill youself……

    lol, kill an insect instead (preferably one with a buncha legs….and wings…..and teeth….. T_T)

  156. Jim says:

    As a husband and father of daughters (and a feminist by some definitions) I
    reject and resent the unhealthy objectification of girls and women.
    Why do fashion designers want models that resemble adolescent boys, anyway?

    When I learned that Japan is now experiencing the effects of this ghastly
    disease, I became convinced that the problem exists because those who could and
    SHOULD get involved don’t (ignorance) or won’t. (indifference)

    I’ll never understand how split brained men can put their mothers, sisters,
    wives and daughters on pedestals while viewing other women as objects who exist
    for the singular purpose of feeding the arrested development fantasies of boys
    trapped in men’s bodies.

    America is sick, and now the disease vector shows some indication of pandemic
    potential as our influence grows.

    I personally admire intelligent, witty, gutsy women, and I’m not at all
    threatened by women who are more intellectually gifted than most men. And,
    women’s brains and character will serve them well and attract worthy friends and
    loves long after their physical charms are no longer a priority for those who
    would exploit them.

    I’ll never stop grieving for Karen Carpenter. As a former pro musician her death
    devastated me and millions of other fans. To those who don’t know how much you
    could hurt those who love you, try to appreciate that my tolerance to the pain
    grows weaker with each passing year, and who among you regardless of your
    anguish has the right to inflict that on those who love you? I’m quite sure that
    I didn’t fail Karen and I would do anything to help other women recognize the
    dangers, and yet I feel so helpless….


    The real YOU is not a reflection, which is more illusion than substance. YOU
    are a spirit that must be felt by those who wish to truly know and appreciate
    and love you. Sadly, too many of you young women don’t understand this and
    you’re incapable of recognizing the expectation (or absence of it) in others.
    And this deadly disease may prevent you from ever understanding that before it’s
    too late.

    And it hurts.

    I don’t deserve that.

    And neither do you.

  157. anon says:

    yall need to justr eat a kabab or sumin coz its just rong what ya doing y would u wanna b that skinny its not even the slightest bit attractive eat something be happy get a boyfriend who loves you for who you are not what you look like

  158. Pingback: Anorexia, the lifestyle. Yes, I am dead serious | Body Image Activist, Eating Disorders mamaVISION

  159. I and also my pals came reading the best key points on your website then then got a horrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to you for those strategies. My boys came as a consequence very interested to study them and have in effect in reality been having fun with those things. Appreciate your simply being indeed kind as well as for making a choice on this kind of tremendous areas millions of individuals are really needing to understand about. Our sincere apologies for not saying thanks to you earlier.

  160. Pingback: It's not a crime to desire to be thin. | Eating Disorder Resource Anorexia Bulimia Help

  161. Pingback: The Making of mamaVISION | Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

  162. Pingback: Pro Anorexia: History and Statistics | mamaVISION

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *