whatcha lookin 4?
Must Read Posts
- Shelly from THIN documentary five years later Those of you who have been around a while, know… (119,345)
- Polly Rests Other posts on this topic:Shelly Speaks, two years after THIN. Shelly… (48,160)
- Amy Winehouse: Add bulimia to her long, sad list of vices. Its late. But I couldn't go to bed without writing… (35,470)
- Miley Cyrus the latest victim of Fat Ass Attack Hannah Montana has grown up to be a wonderful young… (27,154)
- A grisly year in pictures As 2007 comes to a close, I thought we would… (23,586)
buzzana and mia anorexia anorexia lifestyle beauty beauty myth believe in yourself body image bulimia confidence Diane Von Furstenberg diet eating disorder Eating Disorder recovery eating disorders ednos fashion fat fat acceptance feminism HBO documentary THIN health hollywood inspiration Lauren Greenfield life life perspective mamaV mamavision media influence mental illness mia model models plastic surgery pro ana proana pro anorexia Pro Anorexia Recovery self confidence self esteem skinny thin Thinspiration thinspo
Blabbin’ since 2006
Its just plain ignorant for a person to say “Well, those people just want to get HIGH, that’s why they say they need “medical marijuana.”
Listen, I’ve got news for you;
Your teenager can score some weed faster than a can of Bud Light. That means I can purchase natures medicine from a neighbor easier than a borrowing pure cane sugar– so why in God’s name would I stick my neck out to get a legit medical marijuana card?
Because I need to be legit.
Its just the right thing to do. Life would be so much easier if I was flexible, bendable, and various shades of grey when it comes to morals, laws, character and conscience. The jobs, friends, and family I’ve lost because of this lofty righteousness (wouldn’t change a damn thing).
So here I sit…nursing a $300 bottle of CBD oil , the only legal option in my state. Symptom relief? Big ole’ nothing. This hemp based dietary supplement that has done wonders for kids with epilepsy….guess I just got my hopes up.
Onward and upward,
Mara Gordon, Aunt Zeldas, How to treat cancer with cannabis
Dr Deborah Malka Cannabis Plus, The effects of each cannabis ingestion method
Martin Lee, Project CBD, CBD: A medical marijuana game changer
Allison Ettel, Cannabis Pets
She utilized cannabis while coming out of a coma from meningitis.
Nurse Heather, Cannabis as a tool for spiritual growth and healing
Heather Jackson, Realm of Caring
Max Simon, Founder Green Flower Media
Host of the two day Summit and all around great guy.
Dr Sunil Aggarwal
Cannabis gave him peace he couldn’t reach through meditation, he could never relax (sound familiar?!). Dr Aggarwal says cannabis aids him in spiritual development and he urges us to “unlearn” all the political BS we’ve been feed for decades (ok, I enhanced that last part, but essentially that’s what Dr A was saying 😉
Can only get it in CA (but not for long)
Donald Land, Chief Scientist, Steep Hill Labs
Discussed terpines and other cannabinoid techie stuff that brought in a ton o questions from virtual listeners. We want more!
Dr Dustin Sulak, Integr8 Heatlh, Healer.com
Dr Sulak’s focus is proper dosing. Puffs/Inhalations = vaporizer hit or 1 -1.5 MG is the MG to start with and work up from there. Or perhaps down, did you know everyone is unique in terms of their cannabis tolerance don’t worry if you need ALOT or if you only need a tiny bit… this doesn’t say anything good or bad about your brain!
Jason Silva, Brain Games Host (Video)
Very cool video of which I will find the URL and place it HERE.
SPONSOR: VAPE EXHALE
Gave live demo of product which made everyone want to buy one (I’m thinking mine is in the mail since I took the time to make this list for the greater good).
Bryan Krumm, CNP, PTSD Expert/Sufferer
Bryan wrote the law in New Mexico and he went into detail about our endocannabinoid system and when it comes to PTSD — he’s the man (lived it, treats it). If you live in an illegal state, think about asking your Dr you want an RX for Dronabinal (Marinol) the legal-in-all-50-states-synthetic-cannabis (because Lord knows it make much more sense to feed us pharmaceuticals then to let us have the real thing). And think about taking Omega 3 and Vitamin E along with your mmj regimen.
Dale Sky Jones, Chancellor of Oaksterdam
Be Brave. Tell Your Story. Its ok to be afraid but always remember this – “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead. Guess what DSJ; YOU are the reason I created this list (on my personal blog formerly reserved for that other person that is no longer me).
Uwe Blesching, Cannabis Health Index
Focused on the mind-body connection, told an incredible story that demonstrated its power, and had us all do a mini meditation session which we needed because this crowd was so amped up we needed to chillax.
Dr Jordan Tishler, Inhale, MD
Cannabis. Sex. That covers it.
Mary Lynn Mathre, RN, MSN
SuperNurse of the USA shares her perspective relative to how the illegal status of cannabis hinders patients healing.
stay tuned for day 2!
The mamaV who wrote about eating disorders for over a decade is going silent to turn to a new target. If you feel dazed and confused by this news, so sorry, but I’ve gotta follow my passions as they evolve which I am sure you can understand. This blog helped young women and men across the WORLD, and most of all YOU helped ME process and accept my demented modeling past. An achievement I couldn’t have even dreamed of. THANK YOU.
Medicinal marijuana (MMJ). MMJ is now legal, in one form or another, in 23 of the 50 states of the USA. I am guessing this surprises some of you, perhaps provoking fear and the desire to quickly click away from this site, but I ask you to breathe and think about opening your mind to the possibility that cannabis may provide medicinal value for you, your family or your children.
I am well aware that the decision to publish this post will lead to lost friends, perhaps lost family members, however my belief in this effort supersedes those concerns. The research has simply become too solid to deny (much more to come on this).
I am hoping rest of you are hootin’ and hollering saying its about damn time MMJ is legalized! Regardless of your perspective I respect your choice to either engage yourself in this conversation, or walk away from it briskly if you think marijuana as a medicine its a total crock o’ shit.
Over the past 6 years, I’ve dealt with a multitude of physical problems which threw my life into directions I could have never predicted or imagined. My eternal optimism is continually challenged as I figure out how to live a quality life in sync with chronic pain and suffering. As I did my due diligence evaluating each and every treatment options for my conditions, my options dwindled down to heavy duty pharmaceuticals including every narcotic under the sun, family fave Ritalin, psychiatric horse pills, Parkinson meds although I don’t have Parkinson’s, and the all-new-improved “smart” drugs such as Nuvigil. Tried them all, felt like a pile o crap on all, failed on all.
This reality led me to research on MMJ which started over a year ago due to pure and total desperation to care for myself and my family. My goals are relatively simple;
1) to stay alive
2) to care for my children and family
3) to manage chronic pain and stay awake
4) to educate others on what I have learned about MMJ research, resources, and rigs (ie options for obtaining your MMJ card in legal states, options for taking your medicine, and how to become an advocate if you care to do so).
5) to get back to work
These goals are a far cry from my life as nationally renowned speaker and business owner, celebrated digital marketing entrepreneur, corporate marketing/IT executive, and fitness fanatic.
Truth is; none of these accomplishments mean jack squat when your physical and mental health is on the line. Our brains simply can not function on constant relentless chronic pain, lack of proper sleep, and a multitude of pills swirling around confusing the situation.
Perhaps there are many out there stronger than I, and I still have all the respect in the world for Western medicine and the amazing doctors who have stuck by my side throughout this ordeal, but this phase of life led me to an all time low. Rock bottom x 20. Next stop… not going there, so let’s talk MMJ.
I believe this lovely nightmare is somehow my journey and purpose. My nature is to make the very best of my life. The insight I learned writing as mamaV for a decade taught me that blogging leads to healing both for the readers and the writer! Blogging as a platform for sharing leads to deep and true friendship and community, something I hold near and dear to my hear.
My advice to other chronic pain suffers is to never ask “why me?” because frankly its a rather selfish statement, yet completely natural to ponder. Asking such a question is basically like saying that someone else deserves my suffering, and no one, absolutely no one on the planet earth deserves to live with chronic pain. The suffering is constant, it takes over your thoughts, just like the ole’ eating disorder did, and it messes with your sanity in a way that can not be described in words.
In a nutshell
If you’d like to learn about medicinal cannabis, stay tuned, posts will be coming fast and furious. You’ll find I use the terms cannabis and marijuana interchangeably based upon my mood. The plant no doubt comes with stigma so the advocacy community and marketers believe that calling it “cannabis” elevates it in the court of public opinion and helps people accept it is in fact medicine. Seems kinda fake to me so I’ll bobble around with terminology until I figure out where I stand on this.
However, lets me be clear – marijuana is indeed a problematic recreational drug, that I do not fully endorse. Reason being the pot of today, is not the pot of my youth. The psychoactive THC can be upwards of 20% in todays strains, where back in my day strains only held 3-5% THC. Further, consumption has expanded to new forms of intake including shatter and dabbing that allow the user to become higher than anything I care to imagine. On the flip side, I believe alcohol and pharmaceuticals are just as dangerous when used recreationally so we really can’t win in this arena so I’m going to steer clear of the topic altogether since these types of discussions only serve to distract from my goal to learn and educate others on the latest MMJ research.
Society has always had a twisted perspective on the mental illness. These people are either artsy, creative geniuses that we swoon over— or they are demented violent humans that should be locked up in a padded room for the rest of their lives.
Taylor Swift’s video for Blank Space brought this topic front and center for me because its so blatantly glamorizes mental illness. Now before you say chill the hell out — its a video…just hear me out for a sec;
Throughout the video Taylor calls herself “insane” while slashing around with a butcher’s knife, ax and various other weapons. Black mascara drips down her cheeks in a nutjob kind of fashion, while she sings about deceiving her lovers (who she apparently meets at Starbucks although she’s a billionaire living in a castle).
How is this funny? Particularly in a society where this shit actually happens. For cripes sake, I’m sitting here writing this while watching a show called “My Deadly Little Secret.” It’s just episode after episode of on the edge humans deceiving one another in order to kill in horrific ways.
Truth is — it is funny. It is entertaining. And I can’t say I understand it. I guess I chalk it up to gallows humor. And I think if we are to rid ourselves of the stigma of mental illness, we need to go about it in this odd sort of fashion in order for so called “normal” American’s to give a rip about the topic.
2) Psycho Eyes
Taylor attempts the classic wide-eyed psycho chick look, which she can’t really pull off and she just ends up looking kinda lame. Mental illness lurks invisibly, many of us totally indistinguishable from the sane population, certainly not consciously widening our eyes for dramatic effect. Kinda scary hey?
3) Smashing crap
Taylor demolishes various objects, while dressed like a princess no less, in an effort to express her insanity. In real life, it would actually help if the mentally ill just smashed the hell out of something to get attention and subsequent treatment. No dice on that one, our mental health system required most to suffer in silence before ever coming out to deal with the stigma such an admission would bring.
Taylor, you can do better than this, it just doesn’t suit you. But I’m not gonna lie…its an awesome song.
I felt incredibly embarrassed for Miley Cyrus’ at last nights MTV VMAs. So much so that I don’t even want to go back and look at it again. Her foam fingered antics are forever slapped all over the web, never to be erased, even as she really grows up, has a family, children, and maybe someday attempts to take herself seriously as a woman.
My problem with a performance like that is it has nothing to do with talent. So why, when a woman actually has talent, does she turn to her sexuality by default? Is it some sort of “right of passage” that I completely missed?
I get it… her song “we can’t stop” is all about partying, doing what you want with your own body, yada, yada yada (the song is actually a catchy one too but the video isn’t much better). My question is:
WHY do you want to do THAT with your own body?
At 16, a model in Paris, I was a complete and total prude. A proud one at that. My agent constantly sent me to castings for topless jobs, even though I told the entire agency point blank I wouldn’t do it. C’mon, its France for goodness sake, take it off girl, they said. C’mon, its my body and I’ll do what I want to, I said, ready to punch them in the face every single time I was barraged with pressure to just loosen up already.
I had the same response when they wanted me to get a boob job.
Same response when all the old pervs wanted to date me.
Same response when my Swedish roommates happily whipped off their tops, at parties no less, leaving me appalled at their lack of respect for themselves.
Looking back, I was a dang smart teenager. All I can say is I had this value system instilled in me that came naturally. It’s not like my parents pounded it into my head to behave while in Europe, I mean, when you let your kid fly at that age, you’ve got to have some sort of confidence they have a good head on their shoulders. The sad reality is I was the only one is my group of model friends that didn’t take their clothes off in search of success. Some were tricked into it, but still, they did it, and now they live with the consequences of it. And make no mistake, there are consequences. I think about how I would feel if I was ashamed of my behavior during those modeling years, how would it impact my life today as a mom, business owner, wife. I’ll never know, since I am filled with pride about my decisions during those years.
If what Miley Cyrus did at the VMA’s is now considered “talent,” I guess I am still a prude. I consider her performance a pure shame, just wasted talent and ability to truly be someone.
All she is now is a Maxim hottie, with a super long tongue. Her embarrassed friends and family are probably trying to tell her to scale it waayyy back, and she remains completely clueless as to the disaster she is at this moment.
So, if you watched last nights how, and just felt awesome about it, tell me why. If you now have more respect for Miley than you did before, let it fly.
Because, man, I just don’t get it.
At left we have the “regular” sized mannequin, at left is the supposed “plus sized” version. My take is the plus sized version is going to make many of you reading this post feel FAT because your body is (yikes) bigger that that one!
No worries, you are in the same category at the famed, admired and lusted after Kim K, J. Lo., Christina Aguilera, Pink — so here is some pics for inspiration to keep being YOU.
As I thumbed through the glossy ads, I was able to actually see art. I saw past the ugly modeling world that has haunted me since my twenties, and actually took pleasure in the incredible images for clothing primped on odd looking girls painted like ghosts with blank stares into nowhere.
It was Gwen Stefani peeking at me from the cover that told me to pick the thing up and sure enough her layout inside rocked it like she always does. She tells of the first time she put on red lipstick and said to herself, “Yeah, that’s the shit right there.” My mind said “that’s cool.” Quite a victory for a person who once shunned all makeup in favor of a baseball hat, pony tail and pasty white complexion to send the eyeballs elsewhere.
My girl Gracie is the other part of this equation — I always tell her she “brought the girl back in me.” She’s a total clothes horse raiding my closet with more frequency. Our jewelry has morped into a mutual stash, and I’m always hunting for the polish remover, or body spray, or my fave brush. I’m having fun telling her modeling tricks of the trade when it comes to making outfits work, putting on makeup, or caring for our skin (proactive is the greatest product on earth, take it from this 43 year old former zit face, its magic).
So there you have it, the feel good post of the year. Wow, have I evolved to a place that I never imagined would be possible so many years ago when I was drowning in the ED pits.
If you’ve never suffered an eating disorder, you’ll think this woman is nuts.
If you know someone who has an eating disorder, you’ll have a renewed disgust for them.
If you, yourself, have an eating disorder, this is your mirror.
May you see yourself with the strength of this woman to let it all fly in the middle of the street because she knows she needs to do this to keep the monster away. Just like me.
But I can see the truth in her eyes. She is still fat to the world and to herself. And I am not sure I believe there is a cure. We can hope, we can try, we can beg, but this is the world we live in so we can’t run from ourselves no matter how much passion we put behind it.
Our only hope is to surround ourselves with those who see through it, to the real us. I speak of those who need the exact same in return.
But we still have to return home to our own reflections. Our own thoughts. Our own body standards. And the thoughts don’t really ever stop although we claim they do.
Looking to loose weight before the big day? A feeding tube – of course!
Just tell ole’ doc you want the K-E diet trick, and in the tube goes, and off come the pounds.
I’ve said since day one that our society is creating eating disorders, I am not sure there is another such blatant example of proof. The fact that a woman would even dream this up is totally pathetic, and so ignorant it pains me. The lack of empathy and understanding for what a “real” ED is unreal. Further, the press is so coy in their reporting of such tragedies tangling up the headlines stating woman are “resorting” to this treatment — when in actuality if there weren’t such nutcase doctors collaborating on the ideas there would be no story to report on. And yes, by my writing about it, more women are going to do it.
In this case, its some dude named Dr. Di Pietro is proud to placing his name on the procedure. Here’s what the genius has to say according to the New York Times (who dubbed this story “The Hunger Games”);
“At first I decided not to do it for people who just want to lose a few pounds,” Dr. Di Pietro said. “But then I thought, why should I say 5 or 10 pounds are not enough? People want to be perfect.”
What exactly IS perfect Dr. P? Do you determine this or does your patient? Have you ever met a woman who actually reached her imaginary perfection? How about a woman who dropped over on you because you gave her such an unnecessary, vain, treatment? It’s only a matter of time as far as I am concerned.
Here’s Dr. P’s very strict requirements to be eligible for tube feeding pre-wedding:
1) Cough up $1,500 cash for the 10 day treatment. For this he does includes a screening and the equipment (I wonder what the screening is? Fog a mirror and have a detectable heartbeat?)
2) Feel confident enough to wear the tube in public.
“People think I’m sick, I’m dying,” said Ms. Schnaider, a watch wholesaler in Miami. She refrained from going into her daughters’ school. “The children, they would be scared,” she said.
How intuitive of you Ms Schnaider. I am sure your daughter will have no ill effects seeing her mother prance around with a feeding tube while jumping on the scale each morning in delight as another pound falls off your already trim frame (this poor, innocent, child is basically scarred for life, can you even imagine a child seeing their parent in this “chosen” condition).
See Ms. Schnaider in this video and you’ll see the size and shape of her body that just had to be 10 pounds lighter for her wedding day.
The fact that we make a complete and total joke out of eating disorders is unacceptable, and in this case, what about individuals that have true health conditions that require them to be feed by tube? What are we saying to them — “Wow, that looks fun! Great way to loose weight huh!” Haven’t these people suffered enough?
We are a sick, sick country. And personally, I am so damn sick of it.
*The term “anorexic” is one utilized by the general public therefore I have used it in the headline for it to be understood. The correct terminology is “anorectic”
Gaga launched her foundation at Harvard today, you need to watch this video, its so inspiring — this means CHANGE!
Every morning my family crunches in our bed and wakes up to the Today show. When its not about murder and mayhem, its generally some disturbing story about teens bullying the crap out of each other, boys jumping on the eating disorder bandwagon, and now — girls asking “Am I pretty?” — on YouTube no less.
During many of these stories, I rant about how I am going to blog about the topic (which I rarely do since my day gets away from me and I forget about my outrage). But this one stuck. It’s not going anywhere but here.
I cringed as I watched a few of these videos (turns out there are loads of them). Take a look at this one from WickedLemons1 and then we’ll talk about all the ways that this is not the way to go about gaining approval from your peers;
Is it over? Was that painful, or was that painful?
Did you see yourself in there?
Did you have the stomach to look at the comments WickedLemons1 is getting since this morning? Don’t bother. I’ll tell you what they say, without even looking, since when you launch a question like this (let alone any video out to the universe) you are asking for it, big time;
Honey, you are gorgeous. God made you perfect. Love yourself! XOXO
Bebe, you are HOT — what’s your numba?
Well, you are PRETTY UGLY actually.
What the !@#$%^*& is your problem. Get a life. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m sick of white bitches whining………..”
Am I right? Of course I am.
So let’s get to the real question — why would anyone, regardless of age, color, class or creed think this is a good idea? What gets into the mind of a teen that decides to get all dolled up and ask if they are pretty or not? What are they expecting?
In this case, I believe WickedLemons knows she is pretty and she just wants to be validated. Not a crime.
I guess its the need for attention and validation that just kills me. One thing my teenage life gave me was a crystal clear perspective on the reality of the world. When you are tall, blond, skinny and a model — the girls hate you, the guys love you. You’d think that would be fun, but it actually sucks because its fleeting, and fake, not to mention degrading. Yet all I see is young women (or I should say most women) flaunting themselves for the wrong kind of attention.
We just got cable (seriously, last family on earth to cave for it) and I suffered through an eposide of The Housewives of Orange County. What an embarrassment to the female population. I mean seriously, a gang of stretched faced bleached blondes cock-tailing way the hell too much, married for money, and obsessed with one thing and only one thing – themselves.
This life is pathetic so let’s just make one reality show after another featuring these freaks so we all become brainwashed to the point of no return that life priorities are in this order:
3 and me.
Don’t be one of those girls. Don’t walk with WickedLemon1 either (sorry kid – truth hurts, delete the damn video NOW before it haunts you forever). Look in the mirror, focus on what you have been GIVEN (like health for example may be a nice start since it is the biggest blessing you have and trust me you will miss it when it is gone). Figure out your passion. Focus on your SKILLS. Be a person not a damn manniquen that gets used, abused, and tossed in the trash.
You are here for a reason. Figure out what the reason is and throw your heart and soul into it. I guarantee you will be happier with this lifestyle, than sitting in your cold, dark, lonely bedroom asking perfect strangers to rate you on beauty scale.
Ok so Demi collapses. Big surprise seeing that she is a skeleton (not attractive). I can’t help but feel so sad for her. She just looks so damn sad. Thin as a rail, rumors of prescription drugs on top of it, and just —a lost soul. A lost soul with the whole world stalking her.
There’s no reason in the world for Demi to be lost. She’s got “it all.” Is it only me who finds it ironic that she had to drop out of a film in which she would be Gloria Steinem? 49 and beside herself. If she is beside herself, what hope is there for us?
So SJP swoops in to save the day. Is she any better? I hope so. I really hope so, she’s a mom for godsake (but so is Demi and that’s not stopping her self pity).
I’m 42 and I see the games aging plays. I’m not going to pretend its easy. But it’s just a facade. Why can’t we see beyond this life?
Trust me I pray, and I pray that I will beat it. I won’t be one of those pathetic stretched faced broads carrying on like a frozen alien face is normal. I’ll just deal with the natural path of things. I’ll use night cream from ALDI. I’ll say wise things. I’ll be happy, and smart, and content. I won’t think about how people are saying “she’s aging well.” I’ll blow off all that crap and live life, fingers crossed.
One thing is for sure. I don’t want to look like Demi — she is the picture of fear to me. Fear of life, fear of time, fear of just everything. And she is stuck, she’s got no choice but to live it, so pop some pills and forget about it all….
But you know, you gotta wake up in the morning. You’ve got to put one foot in front of the other just like the rest of us, and God’s got a plan for you. There’s a purpose. And that purpose is not sitting around worrying that the big 30, or 40, or 50, 0r 60, or 70 is around the corner.
That’s enough depressing talk for the evening.
Good night and good luck –
—-This one is for Leah. We remember kid. You still inspire me.
I have recently come across this website and was going to post in the forum but im not sure in ready for the public yet! However I really needed to tell someone how im feeling right now even if they dont respond and something inside tells me that you ‘will get it’.
I have struggled with bulimia since I was 18 and I guess you could say I am still in ‘recovery’. I have just turned 25 and am really trying to understand the way I feel right now and working out if it is normal.
Ok.. so Im at the stage where I am in the normal weight range and I no longer binge or purge on a daily basis. I do on occasion but only if I really feel it is needed. I eat and maintain my weight because I know its the right thing to do but inside I feel more miserable than ever! Its strange because people seem to think that if you are a certain weight then you must be fine but I can’t seem to stop the way my brain thinks.
Hannah Montana has grown up to be a wonderful young woman, with beautiful curves and a flowing mane — but what do we see?
Yep, just another fat ass, just like Demi Lovato who ended up getting (successful) treatment thank God.
I hope and pray both of these brave women will stand up and fight, and keep fighting, not breaking down to the pressure to be something that does not exist. The challenge has got to be completely overwehlming since at the end of the day its just…
And we all know the mirror lies as we are criticized. A day can start out all bright and sunny, only to
turn ugly, fat and gross due to a sly comment from some irrelevant bastard. Your body has not changed, your mind has, but somehow you convince yourself the bastard was right. Your thighs are disgusting. Your arms? Kinda big, no? And your stomach, from the side, is a lot pudgier than 7 hours earlier, really sticking out, you look kinda pregnant actually. Out comes the evil scale that proves your thoughts, the number WAY higher than it “should” be.
And there the downward cycle goes, eventually into the toilet where you upchuck after breaking your fast out of pure desperation, leaving you feeling like the big – fat- loser that you are.
Let’s watch (and pray) Miley proves them all wrong. Pray she withstands all the naysayers trying to bring her down, giving her strength to strap on her boxing gloves to keep posting pictures of Marilyn so she becomes the new “norm.”
What a world that would be.