Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

A dear friend of mine sent me this song that you need to hear. This singer has struggled our struggles and she no doubt expresses it in this tune “Control.”

If only we could let it go, you know? It’s like we can gain glimpses of it, but then we slip back into our patterns of incessant worry over all the things that might happen, could be happening, will occur (even when 99% of it never does).

This is why I believe it is essential to surround yourself with people, music, images, and family who “get it” and who make you feel optimistic about yourself and life.

Have a listen, or two, or twenty — and keep your head screwed on straight today.

Lyrics: CONTROL
words and music by Dave and JJ Heller

The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn’t hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

(more…)

Not all — but a large population of today’s eating disorders stem from our societies focus on body image and weight.

Let’s face it — our society is nuts.

We accept the fact that “Plus-Sized” models are now size 8-16. We accept the fact that magazines airbrush the living crap out of every single image of women within their pages yet we hold ourselves up to that standard. We accept the fact that kids as young as 4 are dieting (yes that is a f-o-u-r). We accept the fact that more lives are lost because of eating disorders than any other mental illness but God forbid we fork over the $ to treat sufferers. We accept the fact that Pro-Anorexia is a lifestyle that has infiltrated every corner of the web and our solution is to “Shut down those sites!” We accept the fact that dieting moms push their issues on their daughters. We accept the fact that sports require restricting food and water for weight requirements and pure vanity. We accept the fact that fat chat is a daily event that takes place in front of our children with listening ears.

But then we sit and wonder;

What’s wrong with our children? Why are they not happy? Why are they cutting? Why is there so much bullying? Why did that child commit suicide?

It all comes as a shock when you don’t open your eyes and walk around this insane planet for one day and notice how totally destructive our society is to our self image and body image.

Do it — I double dare you. Watch prime-time TV tonight. Google the word “thinspiration.” Open a fashion magazine, pick one, anyone and see the walking dead who are hailed the closest thing to perfect that we’ve ever seen. Browse this list of dead women consumed by their disease. Look at the athletes lost who were more dedicated to their sport than their lives. Take a stroll into Victoria Secret at the mall (actually you don’t even need to step inside since the massive promotional images on the outside of the store include a woman’s ass in a lace thong which is so appropriate).

Then go about your lovely little day. Concerned about your lovely little problems. While your children stick their fingers down their throats within earshot while you pretend to not notice. A burden you say. A frickin burden.

mamaV

XOXOXOXOX

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist or counselor. I am however a woman who has recovered (fully) from her eating disorder and I have been blogging on this topic since 2006 which stands for something. Qualified to make these statements? No. Making them anyway? Yes. Ranking like a lunatic? Absolutely.

Thanks to SS for keeping me abreast of this story over the past week. I contemplated writing about this dude, but didn’t because I figured it was a waste of breath, and less publicity would make him go away faster. But todays turn of events just made this story worth my time.

Kenneth Tong, wearing what appears to be a Rosary around his neck (either that or a pearl necklace which may be a fashion statement) spent the last week firing up the Twitter-sphere with a “hoax” pro-anorexia site or as he likes to call it ‘managed anorexia.”

Tong claims the site was simply a bet. A bet with a friend to try and become a “trending topic” on Twitter in less than a week (because he loves a challenge!) Tong figured the topic “pro-anorexia” would do the trick, so he started tweeting deranged commentary that unfortunately most of us are quite used to such as;

“”To be thinner, skip dinner. Anorexia is not evil, it is an often mismanaged blessing. Yadda, yadda, yadda”

Sorry gang, but in my world, what is the big deal? Proanorexia sites are EVERYWHERE. I have been screaming this from the rooftops for, let’s see, 5 years now and for some reason this dude awoke the masses to this topic. I guess I need to make it a joke for anyone to pay attention. In a sense, I guess I am glad this is happening because maybe some parents will start googling proana and thinspo to get a seriously painful reality check.

Ok, now I am fired up.

(more…)

Portia DeRossi and Ellen DeGeneres

So what do you guys think about the latest two Hollywood stars to come out of about their eating disorders? Does this help you, hurt you, or do you not give a rip?

Portia De Rossi was on Oprah earlier this week talking about anorexia and recovery to promote her new book ‘Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain.’. De Rossi shared how she exercised to work off the calories from a pack of gum by running around in a parking lot (been there, done that, except I did the stairs at my apartment) and revealing that at one time she weighed 82 pounds standing 5’8. Osteoporoses, cirrhosis, organ failure and the auto-immune disease lupus were the diseases that were a result of her eating disorder. She is now happily married to Ellen Degeneres and credits her recovery to the love and acceptance they share for one another.

This morning I read about Demi Lovato, one of my 10 year old daughters favorites. In case you don’t know her, she was the star of Camp Rock and later landed her own Disney sitcom “Sunny with a Chance.” Lovato just announced she will take a break from touring with the Jonas Brothers to enter treatment for her eating disorder which she says stems from being bullied. The video below shows Lovato talking about her experience, which shows that even being part of the popular crowd doesn’t make you immune from bullying.

How do you feel when you read about these stories?

Do they matter? Does it make you feel less alone?

Or are these people totally irrelevant?

If I had to guess, we are going to have a mixed response on this one. There tends to be those who say their ED has nothing do with Hollywood or anything else, its purely their own control, perfectionism, personal issue. Then there are those who are VERY influenced by the media, Hollywood and fashion (hello pro anas!) who have succumbed to the pressure to try to measure up to weight and beauty standards.

(more…)

Knowledge is power.

I support the National Eating Disorder Association, and if you are looking for help NOW they have an awesome ANONYMOUS helpline your can call to chat with someone who gets it.

What do you have to lose?

Just call ‘em will ya?!

Love,

mamaV

XOXO

PS Life is MUCH better on the other side.

WARNING: I DO NOT DO TRIGGER WARNINGS.

For 4 years I have been attempting to educate the public, parents, mental health professionals and anyone else that will listen about pro-anorexia.

Pro-anorexia is the belief that “anorexia is a lifestyle.” Google the terms “proana,” “thinspo” to be sickened. On YouTube, an average of five videos per day are uploaded filled with images, music, and mantras all meant to keep these proana girls motivated on their goal to starve themselves to be like the Hollywood stars they admire.

Most people turn away and tell me “I can’t handle that, but guess what, we must. Others tell me I should be softer, and nicer to celebs who pave the way for girls. Ain’t happenin’

Check out these links to get a sense of what I am talking about here:

(more…)

I am saddened and amazed that no matter what I write about, my web statistics on this blog and my collective body image blog WeAreTheRealDeal.com show that the Number #1 search term is…..

PRO ANA

And variations of Pro Ana as you can see below. WTF? (Of course the beloved Nicole still pops up).

So, since this tells me many proana girls are here, let’s have a chat. It’s been awhile.

For those of you that are new, like those I connected with on Twitter recently, here’s the brief history about this blog 2006-present:

(more…)

I am saddened and amazed that no matter what I write about, my web statistics on this blog and my collective body image blog WeAreTheRealDeal.com show that the Number #1 search term is…..

PRO ANA

And variations of Pro Ana as you can see below. WTF? (Of course the beloved Nicole still pops up).

So, since this tells me many proana girls are here, let’s have a chat. It’s been awhile. For those of you that are new, like those I connected with on Twitter recently, here’s the brief history about this blog 2006-present:

-Started this blog to talk about how shitty the modeling industry is, and try to knock some sense into the girls chasing the proana dream.

-Got really, really pissed off over ANTM show, and blew my stack on my first youtube video (most asked question about my vlogs? Why am I in my car? Here’s the answer for the curious).

-Proceeded to stalk  emerse myself in the proana online culture to really, really get a true sense of what was happening “out there.” News articles either skimmed the surface or exploited the whole trend, so I wanted to dig in.

-My plan was to educate parents, but the blog itself dictated its path (those of you who are bloggers will understand this, blogs are best when you let them go the way the wind blows).  But I found the site community was mostly girls and young women. Hmm…. I thought. I’ve tapped into something here.

-With that revelation, I instead focused on trying to be a voice of reason for pro ana girls (and women, moms,  TV anchors, teachers …….yes I have been contacted by ALL of the above either for advice, or for requests to pull their picture off my site before they lose their job.

-Plus, I figure; why go after the parents to educate when you are all old enough and smart enough to figure out if you want to live a real life, or go down in proana flames of hell. Right?

-I got fired up, continually wrote posts based on my observation, and to date these two posts get the most traffic (again, not in my plan but reality bites);

Pro Ana Privacy part 1 / Pro Ana Privacy part 2

This  post is read obsessvely, obviously because I posted a bunch of public pictures from ProAna websites and everyone freaked (no I never, ever trolled or faked to be a member to grab images — these were on the public web, unmoderated, and free for the taking).

The lesson? This is the  world wide web kids — you take a picture of yourself in your undies in your bathroom, slap it online for your proana friends to stroke your self-confidence, and BAM–next thing you know some whack job mom blogger has it splashed all over the place).

Internet Suicide

Before Twitter, and still today I guess, Pro Ana Live Journal was the place to be if you wanted to talk about your crisis over eating half an Oreo and three extra celery sticks. PALJ have had all sorts of mods over the years, some completely out of their minds, others teaching the CR lifestyle, and a few with actual good intentions of being a source of “help” for those with anorexia.

But at the end of the day, this shit kills.

Image Credit: http://thekristiproject.webs.com/

Enter Kristi Lanford. A moderator who decided to document the end of her life online. Scary part was and is, many of us watched it happen — live. I never, ever want to experience something like this again. I hope you will read the last moments of her life here, perhaps Kristi will now save a few lives by taking her own. As you will read, Kristi was depressed, drinking, pill popping, and watching Skinny Celebrities as she went off to hopefully a new better place. An online memorial for Kristi was created by her friend “K” and can be viewed here. In K’s words, here is how Kristi’s passing impacted her;

On January 27th, 2007, Kristi took her own life, choosing to document the final moments of her life. There was shock, followed by sadness, followed by anger, followed by guilt, followed by emotions that I never wanted to feel; emotions that I didn’t know existed. There were moments where I beat myself up for not signing online sooner, not calling her just to check up on her, not doing something that could have saved her life. I, like so many others, regret not reaching out to help her more. It takes time to let those feelings go, it takes time to let the death of someone that you love so much go. 

So there you have it – Pro Ana, the lifestyle!*

Somehow, somewhere, I became the resident expert on proanorexia as it pertains to the internet usage, history, sites, language, etc. I’ll take that title. At least I know that while I post triggering thinspo — I also have got you where I want you, and that is listening to one voice — at least one voice that may in fact instead “trigger” your common sense.

My hope is that it saves your life.
-mamaV

*Kristi’s friends have been adamant that she was not “pro ana.” I have a different opinion on where Kristi was in her head, mostly based upon the way she died, so I wanted to point out this important detail out of respect for K and her other friends. 

Sorry, but the Ana-Rexia Costume you wanted is out of stock!

READ MORE HERE….

WARNING: THIS POST ABOUT TRIGGER MAY BE A TRIGGER.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0-MGTaPs58]

I have struggled, struggled, struggled with the "trigger" topic. Over and over I have been asked and at times point blank told:

-Stop posting triggering photos!

-Post a warning on triggering topics!

-You must be more sensitive to those with EDs…

-You have to understand everyone is not strong.

Here's my question to you girls – where exactly does personal responsibility come in?

Here's my deal; I know that I am not being real if I post trigger warnings, or avoid pro-ana topics with thinspiration images…to instead write nice-little-fairy-tales sprinkled with gumdrops and rainbows, to create a safe haven for you.

If you can not handle the posts or images, it is your responsibility not to read this blog.  

Recovery is not easy.
It gets easier, yes.
but it is not easy.

Hopefully one day you will personally choose you are ready to recover. The day will come you will have to take that first step out into the big, bad world – and run smack into the most triggering-earth-shattering-thinspiration billboard on the planet.

**

Then what? Curl up in the corner? Or walk past it, head held high because you finally know who you are?

This is reality.
I'm a realist.
You must go elsewhere to be coddled.

Because girls, if you take this away from me, well… this blog is no longer a blog. It's just another pat on the back, that eventually pushes you into the water to see if you can swim.

You can swim.
I know you can swim.
So, I keep pushing.

My hope is that one of those pushes will be the spark you need to get on with your life.
-mV

XO

——-

**Dove Videos in full can be seen here:

Onslaught

Under Pressure

Are you a former Pro-Anorexic who has quit the cult?

Are you willing to participate in a University study on the topic?

Please email me for more info mamaVISION@gmail.com.

Thank you!
mV

With all of Oprah's drama over her weight gain, and the resulting encouragement for us all to "get back on the wagon" as to not embarrass ourselves -one would think her diet plan is free in order to build a true sense of community.

Not a chance.

Oprah's savior of the moment, Bobby Greene, charges $9.95 per month for his wisdom – after a 30 day trial.

Quite interesting, especially since this price has been reduced already, which last week was $19.95 per month with no trial- I guess sales are a bit slow?

The article
about her talking about her weight gain wasn't even free until recently – instead it was printed in a two page excerpt as a teaser – with a call to action to "buy the magazine for the full story."

Irritating.

Both Oprah and Bob are rolling in dough, and this feels like they are preying upon the vulnerable with the latest bogus diet scam. With all due respect Oprah, your diet history speaks for itself;

Your 20+ million viewers have watched you tout the "Liquid Diet" in the late 80's, then on to the Rosie Daley Best Chef on the Planet meal plan, to a Vegan cleanse as recent as June 2008 – and now on to Bobby's Best Life Secret -  your newest hero with THE answer.

Sorry Oprah, I love ya, but you are going to be crying in your soup again before we know it. I think you have a serious responsibility to not drag all of us along for ride….much less benefit financially from it.

Oh, before I forget – I tried a little test just for the heck of it. I entered my weight 148 and my goal weight 108 into Bob Greene's Best Life Diet sign up form.

Not a problem! You want to be pro anorexic, Bob will be there for you (and not hesitate take your cash)

Sloppy. The whole thing is just sloppy.

Disappointed,
-mamaV

————————–

Fun Facts: Oprah's Reach:

Every day, she reaches more than 26 million Americans – and countless
viewers in 100 other countries – from the comfortable sofa of her own
chat show. Fans have rejoiced that she's just signed a deal to host 140
episodes per year, up until 2010. Her website, www.oprah.com, averages
two million visitors a month and receives an astonishing 10,000 emails
each week.

Alba is the latest photoshop victim, airbrushed into some sort of cartoonish SuperHero version of herself.

A little nip and tuck at the waist, and slim down those chunky thighs please. Those collarbones need to really pop, we want to see bones. Vulptuious breasts must literally be pouring out of the top of the halter dress. Add some slutty red lipstick and a few sexy wisps to the hair – and now one of the world's most gorgeous women is good enough for Campari.

Freaky-ist part? Check out her eyeballs. They moved her damn pupils so she is staring at the camera!

For cripes sake, if this doesn't make you ill, not sure what will.

-mamaV

I am thinking I don't thank you all enough. The emails, the thoughtful comments, the everything…its really quite overwhelming at times.

This blog has been an incredible journey, one that has caused me to dig deep inside at times, take time to ponder where my head is at, but most of all it has given me you. This community means the world to me. Do you know that?

I know, I know…we argue, disagree, bat each other around from time to time – but when all is said and done we have a purpose here. We are all serving a purpose here. This would be nothing but a bunch of words without your breath of life.

I literally have no interest in listening to myself talk. It's the interaction with all of you that keeps me writing.

Plus, I know we are making a difference. I know this has become a daily meeting place for many, a safe place, and a place of hope amidst the darkness.

I hope you all were able to pause, and appreciate your families today. Thanksgiving is generally hell day  for ED sufferers…a nightmare of tradition revolving around food and stuffing ourselves silly. Crap, I remember dreading this day. I would plan how I would duck and dodge to get out of eating, flush my food down the toilet, or sneak it to the dog under the table.

Usually it was too nuts for anyone to notice, so I usually made it through, but I was miserable inside. So I wanted you all to know my heart was and is with you today.

To a better tomorrow my friends.

Love,

mamaV

XOXO

We have about 150 votes on the poll posted on the right side of the blog. If you click on the "comments" link at the bottom of the poll you can view this map which I found quite interesting. Kind of odd how the central part of the U.S does not have many voters, I wonder why?

I thought was pretty cool be be able to visualize where readers are coming from in the U.S., Canada and Mexico. We also have many friends in the 74 countries including the UK, Australia, Europe and even Kazakhstan as shown below on this Google Analytics map;

Isn't technology mind-boggling? For those of you who don't know I am a tech-geek. I live for this stuff. The thought that I can communicate with others all across the world just fascinates me. It keeps me up at night, thinking about the possibilities.

A blog is such a unique form of expression too. I would have absolutely NO interest in this if it was a one way conversation. Posting my viewpoint out there with no feedback is boring- I want to hear YOU. I am always excited to read comments, differing points of view, and get into great debates.

Thank you for being a part of my life girls! 

-mamaV

PS Please post your ideas for a new poll, what are you curious to ask this community?

Video commentary on the Faces of Pro Ana saga that occured over the weekend. Videos are a bit choppy, but I am busy as heck and I wanted to get these posted.

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKodYgNRCWk]

Part 2 (camera died on me!)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3u0Mi6NTMU]

 Looking forward to your response,

-mamaV

I thought I’d help Josie drive some traffic to her cute, little post on My Pro Ana Hero!

This is my ~ThInSpIrAtIoN~

That’s me by the way, 21, skinny and miserable, sent to Miami by my NY agent to shoot with some pervert photographer. I ate nothing for 3 days until my self discipline broke and I mowed down a box of Total cereal, then hit the pool for a marathon swim. Good times.

Hey, I feel that spark coming back!

Look out Josie!

-mamaV

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJyHFl1ox8U]