Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Call it disordered eating. Call it a diet. Call it balanced lifestyle. It’s all whacked.

This was a topic of conversation over the weekend at a blogger meeting in Chicago. I had the pleasure to meet up with a group of women bloggers including my longtime friend Stephanie from BISJ, and new friends Melissa from Talesofadisorderedeater, PastaQueen the author of "Half-Assed", Linda from FatDontWrinkle (gotta love that name).

I realized I come from a unique perspective because I have never "dieted" (yeah, yeah, I know "skinny bitch," you can say it). I went from normal Midwestern girl, to psycho-workout-starvation-freak, right back to normal Midwestern woman. Trust me, I don’t take it for granted. 

I sat and listened what it takes to maintain a goal weight on a Weight Watchers program. The measuring, the calorie journals, food calculations before every bite. It’s your basic time-consuming, mind-numbing, obsessive behaviors necessary for lifetime diet success. Hmmm….sounds quite familiar doesn’t it?

Here’s the difference, at least from the "Weight Watcher" girl perspective-

1) They aren’t deadly thin.

2) They don’t purge.

Don’t worry, I piped in with my big mouth to say "being thin is not a prerequisite to an ED, nor is purging."

I can’t tell you how many times I have been emailed by frustrated EDNOS sufferers with this very same thought. How many girls have posted here saying they were sent home from the hospital, after finally confiding their eating disorder "mind", only to be sent home because they were not "anorexically thin?"

At the end of the day, the whole thing just made me sad. It’s sad that the most fun I had with a group of women in a long time was around a table relating on eating behaviors.

The worst part, I am afraid, is that all of this, every single, sick part of it – is simply part of being a girl.

-mamaV

Miss Bimbo is an online beauty contest designed around our society. I am amazed at the total freak out over this game, especially since we created this world, we feed it so now marketers are cashing in on it.

Pure capitalism at it’s finest.

Launched in February 2008, Bimbo is so popular, their servers crashed and the creators can’t even keep up with the demand, so here is the basic concept per Wikepedia;

“The aim of the Miss Bimbo beauty contest game, which was launched in the United Kingdom in February 2008, is to make your virtual “bimbo” attractive and famous. Players create a virtual persona and compete against other players to earn “bimbo” dollars. These dollars are used to take one’s character partying or to purchase new clothes. The players are given assignments, such as gaining plastic surgery at the game’s clinic to give their character bigger breasts. They used to have to keep their character at its target weight using diet pills, however, due to the massive negative media attention it has received, that option has been eliminated.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnctjTF4cuo]

Nicolas Lacquart, the creator of Bimbo defends his game stating the mission is to teach children about the real world. Not sure I want this dude teaching my kids anything, but I have to hand it to him because it is absolutely right.

We reap what we sow.

-mamaV

————–

Fun Facts About Our Beauty Deranged Society:

$1.3 billion is spent on Botox annually

Breast implants have become gifts from parents to their teenage daughters.

Dreaming Girl’s Fantasy plastic surgery hospital in China serves patients seeking a extensive head to toe cosmetic reworking.

The Miss Plastic Surgery competition in Beijing awarded the grand prize to a plastic beauty boasting 10 surgical procedures.

MTV’s I Want A Famous Face and The Swan are only two of the many reality shows dedicated to plasticising.

Hollywood pops “clen,” a deadly steroid for horses to treat asthma.

Dr. Vail Reese, an LA dermatologist hosts the “Skinnies Awards” designed to rip on celebrities with less than perfect complexions.

More more read Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuszynski

Video commentary on the Faces of Pro Ana saga that occured over the weekend. Videos are a bit choppy, but I am busy as heck and I wanted to get these posted.

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKodYgNRCWk]

Part 2 (camera died on me!)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3u0Mi6NTMU]

 Looking forward to your response,

-mamaV

I thought I’d help Josie drive some traffic to her cute, little post on My Pro Ana Hero!

This is my ~ThInSpIrAtIoN~

That’s me by the way, 21, skinny and miserable, sent to Miami by my NY agent to shoot with some pervert photographer. I ate nothing for 3 days until my self discipline broke and I mowed down a box of Total cereal, then hit the pool for a marathon swim. Good times.

Hey, I feel that spark coming back!

Look out Josie!

-mamaV

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJyHFl1ox8U]

Tipster Izzy directed to me to Faces of Pro Ana  (fixed the link it works now). I guess I am not the only one swiping images of Pro Ana girls on public web sites and displaying them to make a point.

I personally think this one holding the skull is particularly creative.

Sunday 3/30 1:30pm picture removed per request of individual shown. 

Can this get anymore psycho? Or is today’s youth so bored that they cling on to some grim reality for the shock factor?

Honestly, this is getting so tired. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but after nearly two years of blogging on this topic I have no idea why I am doing this. 

-mamaV

What is the most ridiculous thing you have every tried to lose weight?

Jezebel recently posted on a Glamour Rag article dedicated to this topic, “Scary Diet Tricks No Woman Should Try!”

Before you all freak and tell me that I am providing tips and tricks for pro anas or individuals with ED’s please just stop. The web is crawling with this crap so don’t delude yourself into believing I am revealing some mystery here. Plus not one item on the Glamour list was new to me, so my guess you all won’t be surprised either.

My lamest attempt at weight loss?

Baby food. Who the hell knows how I even came up with this idea, but we all know the mind does strange things when deliberately starved. Didn’t taste bad really, but the vision of a teenage girl walking down the street chomping down strained peas from a mini glass Gerber jar is rather psycho.

Your turn,

-mamaV 

**Excerpt from The Hip Bone Handbook, how to be anorexic.

I started blogging back in 2006. What started as a total whim, has grown to be a part of me. The girls of my blog community created the nickname “mamaV” and quickly took hold of my heart. The vast majority of these young women find my blog while they secretly search for pro-anorexia online.

Pro-Anorexia?

The thought of Anorexia, as a lifestyle, is so totally preposterous, I have a hard time saying it myself. Most adults are dumbfounded by the topic, as I was when I first caught wind of it.

This is not some random, underground culture. A simple search for the term on Google returns over a million pages of starvation driven content. We are talking deliberate, active, starvation here.

Pro-anorexia, a.k.a. ”pro-ana or wannarexia,”  preys on the weak, the young, the insecure. The more the pro-ana lifestyle takes hold of a young mind, followers actually start to refer to “Ana,” their fictionary god who serves to justify their actions.

This topic is ugly and disturbing.

Do not turn away and leave this one for someone else to deal with, it ain’t going away.

These are OUR girls.

You can address this issue head on, in your everyday life, through the interactions of every young person you are in contact with. You need to be aware of what is going on in the minds of young people today, in order to recognize the deadly habits of a pro-anorexic individual, perhaps even save a precious life before it is sucked into the pro-ana culture.

THIN equals beauty in this society.

We are raising a generation of of young women who would rather die, than be one of the ugly ones.

Life goals are not to be smart, or happy, or strong.

Thin is it. And it’s pathetic.

I can’t sit here, silent, when we have healthy, young, capable lives being pissed away while they are busy collaborating online on how to starve themselves to death.

Can you?

-mamaV

Here’s a “Dear Abbey” of sorts. I received this email today, name and location has been changed to protect privacy. I figured this community would give some interesting advice.

The story is all too familiar…

Hello mamaVISION,

My name is Zoe i am 17 years old and weigh a healthy 13
stone. I was walking around a fashion show which was being held in my
local area, when i was spotted by Storm models the very same people
who manage Kate Moss.

They asked me if i was interested in modeling and i immediately said
yes to them. I was asked to go downtown the very next day to
meet a photographer who would take some photos for a portfolio.

This was all fine until two months afterwards, i was told to lose 3
stone so i was 10 stone! That would make me have a BMI of 18.0 which i
do not think is healthy. I am now on a diet of 270 calories each day
and have collapsed twice in the last four days. I am not sure what to
do, because they are relying on me to do fashion week!

I feel trapped, and was handed some laxatives by a fellow model what
should i do?

Dear ZT:  

You, and only you can make this decision. If you want to be a model, you need to follow the rules. All of which are quite clear.

I have never been one to tell others what to do when it comes to modeling, its a personal choice. I do try to forewarn others what they are getting into with the fashion industry, and fortunately for you Zoe, you have discovered the facts early in the game.

Ask yourself this question: 

How will you feel if you walk away from this opportunity?

When I was asked this question at 16, I said:

I’ll wonder my whole life what I could have done.

I wanted it. I wanted to be a model. I wanted the excitement, the attention, and really it was a blessing in disguise for me. Crap, I barely got out alive, but still would not change a thing.

Zoe, I wish you health and happiness, and I would never encourage anyone to starve. But the reality is, it goes with the territory. Now you need to decide if being a model is worth the pain and suffering.

I encourage you to reach out to your parents, or any other friend or family member that you trust to help you think through this decision. I posted you question here so you can also ponder the thoughts of others.

Take care,

mamaV

This is an image from a Tokyo Fashion Magazine.

Fact or Fiction?

Photoshopped or Real?

Does it really even matter either way?

The fact is it is in print, and therefore it is real. The image exists, and the message is clear, isn’t it girls.

2008 is off to a great frickin’ start.

-mamaV

Taken from: Numéro Tokyo Magazine (February 2008 issue)
Photo: René Habermacher and Jannis Tsipoulanis

Commenter Anne dared me to post about this story so I couldn’t resist. Although I am not sure why this required such a dare, because this story is old news

NEWS FLASH: Stop blaming models, stars, media – blame your genes.

Here’s a brief on what The Times Online article has to say:

Anorexia may be caused by inherited differences in the way a sufferer’s brain operates, leading to obsessive behaviour, according to research. Rather than being triggered by images of super-thin models and celebrities, the eating disorder could be brought on by the in-built way in which the brain responds to pleasure and reward. It has been argued that images of unhealthily thin stars in the media have encouraged anorexic behaviour in impressionable young women. But a study published in The American Journal of Psychiatry suggests that the brains of anorexia sufferers behave differently to those of the rest of the population and that certain people are born with a susceptibility to develop the condition.

Snore….huh? I’m up here’s a brief on my perspective;

Genes can play a role in anorexia, agreed. I wholeheartedly support any and all efforts to provide these anorexia sufferers with treatment for their disease. This blog is not aimed at that audience. I write to a whole other segment of the population. The young girls and women that tune into “Nip and Tuck” and can’t wait for ANTM (if you don’t know what that stands for, good, you are on the right track).

One can not ignore the overwhelming evidence of cultural and societal influence, a few of the best reports on the other side of this story can be read here;

Dove Global Study: print this thing out and read it. It’s sad as hell. For the record, I am beautiful and not afraid to admit it or say it or be it or think it (psst…Dove is owned by Evil Unilever. My vote? Who cares).

More common than Alzheimer’s:yet insurance stinks. 5-10 Million affected by eating disorders in the US alone. Research funding totals a whopping $1.20 per sufferer (we all need another Gucci bag after all).

You’ve got to live in the US of A to get it, but we are a country obsessed. Forget Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll, we Binge, Purge & Lipo 24/7 in this country. There is no way in hell we are going to spend money to actually figure out why we are all eating disordered – it’s a lifestyle babe.

Been there, done that: Fashion Designers control the sizes. The chic sizes are currently 0, and 00. I am waiting for the negative sizes to make their debut (ie. -3, now that would be rad).

1980′s SuperModels

1990 SuperModel…better known now as ”lard ass.”

2000 SuperModel…way the hell too fat for runway now.

2006 SuperModel…rexy figure maintained by coke on the rocks.

2006-2007 SuperModels….dead.

Yep, all in the genes.

-mamaV

I dug my Vogue magazines out of the basement, dated August 1987. You’ll never guess what I found…..

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfZuDDj-pJ8] 

Size 0 is now available in pill form! Just pop one, I mean four, of these little beauties a day and you too can look like a zombie runway model.

This simply fabulous breakthrough secret is contained in a dainty little black box, with the answer to happiness  plastered front and center just in case you forgot that anything above a size zero is, well, eeewwww.

Brought to you by your friendly mall vitamin store GNC, the leaders in converting lard asses nationwide, into “Hot, Radiant, Alluring, Elegant & Beautiful” creatures.

Just a few silly warnings, pay no mind:

Not intended for use by individuals under the age of 18 (but what about my 10 year old daughter who is dieting with me?)

Consult with a physician prior to, during and after use (I’ll get right on that)

If you are taking any prescription medication or have any medical condition (wait, that eliminates 99% of the population) 

If you have been treated for or diagnosed with, or have a family history of, any medical condition including, but not limited to:high blood pressure, heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, peptic and gastric ulcers, cardiac arrhythmia, renal disease, hyperthyroidism, spasms, glaucoma, psychiatric disease, psychological conditions, anxiety, depression, nervousness, seizure disorder, stroke, angina, diabetes, asthma, suffer from migraines, are allergic to tyramine or chocolate or sensitive to the effects of caffeine (that eliminates the other 1% of us)

Do not take in conjunction with any supplement or over-the-counter drug containing ephedrine alkaloids, caffeine, pseudoephedrine, phenylpropanolamine or any stimulants. One serving of this product contains approximately as much caffeine as two cups of coffee (catch a buzz off the stuff simultaneously, I like it).

Do not use if you have a history of drug use. Do not use with alcohol (I’m out)

Do not use during high intensity activities in high temperature conditions (exercise not allowed.)

Discontinue use and consult a physician immediately if you experience any of the following: nervousness, sleeplessness, dizziness, cardiac irregularities or rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, tremors, nausea, chest pain, tingling sensations, behavioral changes, loss of consciousness, or other similar symptoms (any one still alive?)

NOTE: The product name Size 0 does not depict the amount of weight loss or clothing size goals that will be achieved with use of this product. Individual results will vary depending of body type and fitness goals.

Manufactured Exclusively for Size 0 Labs
3133 Fortune Way Suite #4 (nice address)

Well, since this one won’t do the trick for me, I’ll pop some “clen.”

Never heard of it? Get with the program man, they’ve been vaccinating horses with it for years.

We are one desperate bunch ladies, and I don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.

mamaV

Pro anorexia sites are running rampant. We must shut them down quickly and swiftly to save society!

Microsoft steps in and shuts down pro anorexia sites, without a court order. YouTube and Facebook are under the microscope too.

What genius is still beating on this dead drum? 

Don’t tell anyone…but it takes about 5 minutes to set up a new site…hehe…the pro ana’s have their sites back up and running before you can blink. 

Even more scary is there is no logic to this madness.  I overuse this phrase, but I like it; nothing like sticking your head in the sand. And since everyone got really fired up the last time I posted this picture, let’s post it again just for shits and giggles. 

A few stats, which are growing as I type this: 

Google “pro ana” to view over 5 million results

YouTube “thinspiration” hauls in well over 5000 full length videos, a total of 8 uploaded TODAY.

ProAnaThinspo is just an unbelieveable mashup of thin bodies, body parts, stars and real girls that will blow your mind.

How about we face reality think about what the hell we have created here.

On second thought, that sounds like a lot of time and energy. Let’s stick with ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ it’s a lot more convenient, plus I have a lot of shit to buy before Christmas.

-mamaV

Since Pro Ana Privacy is the most visited post these days, I figured it was time for another go around. Especially since I can really feel the love in the comments.

For what it’s worth; I heard a story on the radio that I wanted to share.

A talented young woman recently applied for a job just after she graduated from college. A dream job really, everything she ever wanted. Mom and Dad were so proud.

Little did she know that some pictures that she uploaded to the web many years prior would come back to haunt her.

One in a bikini.
Several in her underwear.

One doing a frickin’ back-bend in her undies.

Not good. No job. Worst of all? No way to remove them – ever.

This thing is permanent girls. It’s called the world wide web and once you CHOOSE to serve yourself up for the taking, you are gone, your privacy is gone, and your future opportunities are at stake.

Think about it next time you want to ask one of your dear ana friends “Do I look fat?”

-mamaV

Hila weighed 60 pounds. My 7 1/2 year old daughter weighs 50.

A fashion model stricken with an all too familiar disease of anorexia. But this time, a friend was at her side. Adi Barkan documented Hila’s struggle, and sent shock waves out to the fashion world, by showing the reality of this situation in one still photograph.

Fashion photographer Adi Barkan is shown cradling Hila Elmalich in a still from a video shot when the model fell ill. (Gil Sadan/Tamar Golan Film)

There’s not much more to say here. Either the fashion industry is going to step up to the plate and make changes, or they are going to continue on their merry way in this deadly game they are playing.

You know what I thought when I saw this photograph?

How, for the love of god, can one be a part of an industry so full of themselves? How do you sit in an audience and stare up at these young women who are clearly not well, and focus on the clothing? Why do clothes, and prestige, and beauty mean this much in our society?

Bless Mr. Barkan’s heart for leading the effort in Israel to change fashion standards for the past three years. Your friend will not die in vain, she will be with you as you carry on in her name.

-mamaV

Thanksgiving is a living hell.

Food. Everywhere, all day long. Endless talk of food, thoughts of food, an eating disordered nightmare.

Thanksgiving is about family and togetherness…but the food takes center stage. When I was in the height of my eating disorder wanted to crawl under the table, pop in some earplugs and hide.

I recall thinking everyone was watching what I was eating. In reality they could have cared less, they were too busy enjoying themselves.

I recall watching others enjoy their food, eyes lit up with excitement when the huge, glistening brown turkey finally landed on the table. As their mouths watered, mine dried up as I calculated the fat grams in my head.

That was then, and this is now.

I spent Thanksgiving first with my parents, for brunch at the house I grew up in. Grandma whipped up the usually 14 course meal.  We grazed as we talked, eating accompanying our lively discussion.

We headed back home in the late afternoon to spend our first Thanksgiving “as a family,”  just the four of us; my husband, and two children. We had beef roast, and pasta, and garlic bread…and homemade apple pie. Our “traditional” favorites since we had no one else to please.

It’s the little things.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-a2mf4ymuY]

Simplicity.

I hope and I pray that one day you to will join me here on the other side.

Where life is about living.

And eating is an afterthought.

Love,

mamaV

 We’ve created quite a little research pool here. The way this community picks apart topics, and analyzes issues is truly commendable. I don’t know about you, but I am still smiling about it, and I am passionate about heading into Year 2 as mamaV.  

I look forward to seeing who is saying what, who is pissed at me today, and what you all believe to be life’s truths. Why? Because it challenges our minds, our thoughts, and opinions. Between you and I, I am one of the most wishy washy people you’d ever meet (stop laughing panda07).

Give me a great debate on a topic and I am most easily swayed. In my personal and business life, I give people WAY too many chances, and I am optimistic to a fault. This personality trait has gotten me burned time and time again, but I keep doing it. I am just wired this way.

BUT, there are a few topics in life I am stone cold set on. It is this side of mamaV you see here and these topics drive the passion behind this blog. 

In the past year, one topic that continually gets debated with great passion is;

WHAT THE HELL IS PRO ANA ANYWAY?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lJmuOPzqcs]

To tell you the truth, sometimes the discussions get my head spinning so much, I really couldn’t tell you. But at the end of the day I always come back to this;

If you are looking for support, don’t lean on others with your same problem.

Trust me, this path is bad news.

I just don’t buy it, and no amount of tongue lashing has torn me away from this opinion. Why girls, for the love of God, would you think that when you have an eating disorder, the direction to head for support is to a bunch of eating disordered women?

You’ll sink deeper.

Faster.

Guaranteed.

Kristi4 is an example of this and her journal serves a very important purpose. Her life message is plain and simple – don’t turn to pro ana forums for support, instead run, as fast as you can, in the other direction. I have refused to edit what I have written about her, much to Josie’s dismay, because I know in my heart I have written this out of kindness, not hatred.

I’ve read Kristi’s journal too many times to count, and I am always left with the same impression. Here was a young woman (she was young, only in her 30′s) trying to lead a pro ana “support” community. Although she was surrounded by others in her same situation, she felt alone, depressed and ultimately suicidal. I can’t help but think if she would have turned outside for help that she may still be here today.

This topic gets to the core of why I do this blog, to create forum for discussion, inspiration, and thoughts beyond your eating disorders. There is a whole life out there waiting for you and I am fighting like hell to help you find it.

So if you find yourself part of the pro ana “support” community, I’d like to know this…..as Dr. Phil would say “How’s it workin’ for ya?”

-mamaV

This woman really needs no introduction. I think we can all listen and learn.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA]

-mamaV

Tyra Banks is off her rocker. After being stalked and humilated by the paparazzi for her weight, she turns around and redefines “plus size” as a skinny mini size 8.

We are all now “plus-sized” thanks to America’s Next Top Model show and the model of the moment Sarah Hartshorne!

Sarah leads the plus sized parade prancing in at:

Height: 5’10

Weight: 150 pounds

Size : 8

Hang on, that’s me, that’s my size. I’m confused.

As most of you know, when I was modeling the size requirement was size 8. I am a size 8 now, but I am 30 pounds heavier. Hmm…..

Have I been duped?

Did the sizes change?

Did the scale change?

Did I fry too many brain cells starvation dieting?

(Let’s not even go into the image in the mirror…oh the horror of aging!)

Sarah is no plus size and this is a load of crap. Why the hell did she accept the title “plus size” when she knows she doesn’t fit the bill? I guess she was not willing to miss her 15 minutes of fame.

Girls, this is bullshit. Don’t buy into it.

If you do, you’ll be sunk like the rest of the pro anorexia suckers that paste on their smile as they die inside from starvation and self hatred. They will quickly reel you into their misery filled existence because they need company, reassurance, and purpose to keep their hope alive. Their heads filled with nothing but desire to become someone else.

(Ugly, Ugly, and Ugly)

It’s a dead end. Pro ana’s don’t care about you- they care about themselves. This is simply about one thing, and one thing only only - self esteem. Starving yourself will not grow it. Let’s be real already.

Bones are not attractive.

Bones are not sexy.

Bones are not cool.

Vanity. Damn ugly.

-mamaV

————————————————————————-

Thanks to Tipster Laura for this story.

Yes Vanessa, I had to drag Pro Ana’s into this story.

*All photos complements of the World Wide PUBLIC Web!