Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Every morning my family crunches in our bed and wakes up to the Today show. When its not about murder and mayhem, its generally some disturbing story about teens bullying the crap out of each other,  boys jumping on the eating disorder bandwagon, and now — girls asking “Am I pretty?” — on YouTube no less.

During many of these stories, I rant about how I am going to blog about the topic (which I rarely do since my day gets away from me and I forget about my outrage).  But this one stuck. It’s not going anywhere but here.

I cringed as I watched a few of these videos (turns out there are loads of them).  Take a look at this one from WickedLemons1 and then we’ll talk about all the ways that this is not the way to go about gaining approval from your peers;

Is it over? Was that painful, or was that painful? 

Did you see yourself in there?

Did you have the stomach to look at the comments WickedLemons1 is getting since this morning? Don’t bother. I’ll tell you what they say, without even looking, since when you launch a question like this (let alone any video out to the universe) you are asking for it, big time;

Honey, you are gorgeous. God made you perfect. Love yourself! XOXO

Bebe, you are HOT — what’s your numba?

Well, you are PRETTY UGLY actually.

What the !@#$%^*& is your problem. Get a life. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m sick of white bitches whining………..”

Am I right? Of course I am.

So let’s get to the real question — why would anyone, regardless of age, color, class or creed think this is a good idea? What gets into the mind of a teen that decides to get all dolled up and ask if they are pretty or not? What are they expecting?

In this case, I believe WickedLemons knows she is pretty and she just wants to be validated. Not a crime.

I guess its the need for attention and validation that just kills me. One thing my teenage life gave me was a crystal clear perspective on the reality of the world. When you are tall, blond, skinny and a model  – the girls hate you, the guys love you. You’d think that would be fun, but it actually sucks because its fleeting, and fake, not to mention degrading. Yet all I see is young women (or I should say most women) flaunting themselves for the wrong kind of attention.

We just got cable (seriously, last family on earth to cave for it) and I suffered through an eposide of The Housewives of Orange County. What an embarrassment to the female population. I mean seriously, a gang of stretched faced bleached blondes cock-tailing way the hell too much, married for money, and obsessed with one thing and only one thing – themselves.

This life is pathetic so let’s just make one reality show after another featuring these freaks so we all become brainwashed to the point of no return that life priorities are in this order:

1) me

2) me

3 and me.

Don’t be one of those girls. Don’t walk with WickedLemon1 either (sorry kid – truth hurts, delete the damn video NOW before it haunts you forever). Look in the mirror, focus on what you have been GIVEN (like health for example may be a nice start since it is the biggest blessing you have and trust me you will miss it when it is gone). Figure out your passion. Focus on your SKILLS. Be a person not a damn manniquen that gets used, abused, and tossed in the trash.

You are here for a reason. Figure out what the reason is and throw your heart and soul into it. I guarantee you will be happier with this lifestyle, than sitting in your cold, dark, lonely bedroom asking perfect strangers to rate you on beauty scale.

Found this list on Facebook written by Sarah and wanted to share. This just struck me as a really cool idea…add thoughts as they come about and read through them to reinforce positive reality. See list in process here

-Move forward eagerly, while embracing the now.

-I am free to choose to live as I wish and to give priority to my desires.

-Remember that your body only is not you. The sum of who you are is more important than your body.

-I’ll definitely remember who Stephen Hawking is – but not who won Miss Universe’s last contest.

-I am thankful for all the parts of my body that function correctly

-I appreciate all the movements that my body let me perform

-I am thankful for being able to touch, see, smell, hear and taste

-“I don’t ask for more: the sky above me and the path under my feet.”Robert Louis Stevenson

-Our physical body is a key part of our existence.

-I listen to my intuition.

—–

Thanks to Amanda and Elizabeth for this thought provoking image from their FB page. If you were to build a collage such as this for yourself, what would you put in it?

As I looked at this, I noticed the medical diagnosis in the background, which had my mind expanding into that arena, as well as all the social labels we put on ourselves. Here is what I would include in a collage about me;

Pictures of models since I’ll never shake that label. This is one that I had to let go of a long time ago because if I tried to “live up” to societies expectations of what I am supposed to look like, I would die trying.

(more…)

I often wonder just how many people think I’m a bitch. A bitch because I know what I want, I know how I feel, and I don’t let people treat me like crap.

How about you?

My guess is you let people walk all over you. You spend your day worried about what everyone else thinks about you fretting around asking yourself “do they like me? Am I good enough? Am I thin enough? Am I pretty enough?”

To hell with it already. I mean seriously girls, is it working?

(more…)

Love this video. Enjoy your weekend.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEZtiW8oUh8]

"She said she wasn't going to eat her dessert because she was going to the doctor in the afternoon and she would be weighed."

These are words uttered by my 8 year old daughter yesterday. The comment was made by a classmate of hers at GRADE SCHOOL.

My heart sank. This is it, this is where it all starts. No turning back.

But at 8 years old?? If you can't recall back, 8 years old is 3rd grade. Yes. All the stats show this is when body image issues start, and dieting comes into play, and girls self esteem across the land slide directly down the tubes with the rest of us…but somehow I wasn't expecting it. My girl was just born – wasn't she?

What do we expect when every New Year everybody and their brother is pitching the latest diet, Oprah herself is beating herself bloody over weight gain, TV is plastered with YOU ARE A FAT ASS ads, and Amazon carries over 14,000 diet books. Lord help me.

But then…

"We are too young for this. It's ridiculous."

Words uttered again – not by me – by my daughter.

I asked "Why?" as a smile spread across my face.

"We just are. We are kids. We aren't supposed to be thinking about that stuff. Because we are kids."

"That's right babe. That's right." I said knowing its best to hold back my over the top emotions on this subject.

As I looked at my angel face girl, I was so proud, and so scared, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. But then, this unexpected confidence came over me. We will be ok, we will work through these ugly years together, just like my mom and I did,

At least, that's my hope.

-mamaV

I checked the results of the latest poll on Self Esteem, and I feel discouraged….but not surprised. Check this out;

Question: How is our Self Esteem these days?

See full poll results at the right side of the blog. Sorry – only US map available!

Nearly 60% hate ourselves. Hate. That is the strongest word we can use against ourselves, and I chose it deliberately for the poll.

I want to hear from you…

Why did you vote how you did? 

If you didn't vote – do so now and explain your choice.

I could sit here and tell you all the benefits about the power of positive thinking, and try to convince you to put on a happy face, but unless you feel it and believe it, and want it…you'll never get there.

I love myself. I truly do, and I am not afraid to say it.

I'll be 40 this year and I am excited about life! Sure, aging is kinda scary, the wrinkles are starting to show, the body not the same as 20 years ago, but I say who cares! Who cares because I am here to live my life and I am not going to miss one single moment of it on vanity.

I was born with one gift, and that gift is to have a very distinct, constant, awareness of death.

Life can not and should not ever be taken for granted because it can be over in a snap. If I was gone tomorrow, I would go knowing that I lived my best life, I spent everyday trying to be the best person I could be, I tried to give and love to the fullest, and most of all – no regrets.

No regrets…now that's an amazing thing to be able to claim.

How about you?

Love,
mamaV

We have about 150 votes on the poll posted on the right side of the blog. If you click on the "comments" link at the bottom of the poll you can view this map which I found quite interesting. Kind of odd how the central part of the U.S does not have many voters, I wonder why?

I thought was pretty cool be be able to visualize where readers are coming from in the U.S., Canada and Mexico. We also have many friends in the 74 countries including the UK, Australia, Europe and even Kazakhstan as shown below on this Google Analytics map;

Isn't technology mind-boggling? For those of you who don't know I am a tech-geek. I live for this stuff. The thought that I can communicate with others all across the world just fascinates me. It keeps me up at night, thinking about the possibilities.

A blog is such a unique form of expression too. I would have absolutely NO interest in this if it was a one way conversation. Posting my viewpoint out there with no feedback is boring- I want to hear YOU. I am always excited to read comments, differing points of view, and get into great debates.

Thank you for being a part of my life girls! 

-mamaV

PS Please post your ideas for a new poll, what are you curious to ask this community?

Half full or half empty. How do you see the world?

You may have figured out by now I am a half full kind of gal, to a fault at times. Sometimes my optimism gets me so jazzed I am told to scale it back a notch, but hey, I’ll take it. Better than the alternative, right?

I see the good in people.

I see the bright side of situations.

I let things roll off my back.

I usually can’t hold a grudge even if I try.

I believe this is because I express my feelings, bluntly, yet sincerely, and move on. This doesn’t always have me winning popularity contests, but I don’t know any other way to be.

I believe optimism is a learned behavior. Are you willing to learn it or would you prefer to stay stuck in the muck of negativity?

If you are a half full, let’s hear your tips on how to cultivate optimism.

If you are a half empty, let’s hear your plan to work towards a more positive lifestyle.

Let’s not wallow in the wrongs that have been done, instead try to push through them, see how those wrongs will make you grow into a better person, a stronger person.

-mamaV

Quote of the day

"My dad set a great, bad example."

- my father.

(Photo credit: cypearl http://flickr.com/photos/cypearl/475006675/)

Just got back from Madtown, our capital city, a college town that had me absorbed in its free spirit and sense of identity. I came back with a bag full of clothes from Goodwill, a budda necklace, and tons of cool stickers and buttons.

Time to share;

Think big girls.

Kind of over the top, but got to love ‘em! More here from Ann Taintor, and OliveSandwiches

That’s US!

Be you.

Hope one of these brought a smile to your face! 

Love,

mamaV

enjoy your weekend,

Love,

mamaV

XOXO

This video response was posted to me from YouTube regarding the Internet Suicide post. I feel this individual articulates a point of view that is worth sharing because she speaks as an outsider coming into a pro ana community, and being caught off guard on what she finds.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=GFyjHGUE3bU]

Thoughts?

mamaV 

**Excerpt from The Hip Bone Handbook, how to be anorexic.

I started blogging back in 2006. What started as a total whim, has grown to be a part of me. The girls of my blog community created the nickname “mamaV” and quickly took hold of my heart. The vast majority of these young women find my blog while they secretly search for pro-anorexia online.

Pro-Anorexia?

The thought of Anorexia, as a lifestyle, is so totally preposterous, I have a hard time saying it myself. Most adults are dumbfounded by the topic, as I was when I first caught wind of it.

This is not some random, underground culture. A simple search for the term on Google returns over a million pages of starvation driven content. We are talking deliberate, active, starvation here.

Pro-anorexia, a.k.a. ”pro-ana or wannarexia,”  preys on the weak, the young, the insecure. The more the pro-ana lifestyle takes hold of a young mind, followers actually start to refer to “Ana,” their fictionary god who serves to justify their actions.

This topic is ugly and disturbing.

Do not turn away and leave this one for someone else to deal with, it ain’t going away.

These are OUR girls.

You can address this issue head on, in your everyday life, through the interactions of every young person you are in contact with. You need to be aware of what is going on in the minds of young people today, in order to recognize the deadly habits of a pro-anorexic individual, perhaps even save a precious life before it is sucked into the pro-ana culture.

THIN equals beauty in this society.

We are raising a generation of of young women who would rather die, than be one of the ugly ones.

Life goals are not to be smart, or happy, or strong.

Thin is it. And it’s pathetic.

I can’t sit here, silent, when we have healthy, young, capable lives being pissed away while they are busy collaborating online on how to starve themselves to death.

Can you?

-mamaV

I love Hannah Montana. Not afraid to admit it.

My daugther and I saw the Hannah Montana Concert Movie in 3D  on Thursday (with the funky glasses and all), and it was a blast. Not only is this girl a great performer, her message is clear – believe in yourself.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=XJk5hxVb8ks]

 ”Who Said” is my favorite, and even as a 38 year old career woman I listen to it after I’ve had a bad day in the shark invested business world, to remind me who I am and why I am here.

If you are not using music as therapy, I highly recommend you try it. The right lyrics and melodies can transcent you from your low down funk to a place high above the static and help you refocus on your goals.

Best place to start? The library, gather up a bunch of artists to try, for free, load them on your ipod and drift away.

MamaV’s Greatest Hits

American Idiot, Green Day

Be Here Now, Mason Jennings

Idiot Wind, Dylan

One, Mary J. Blige & U2

Sari, Nellie McKay

Whatever People Say I Am That’s What I Am Not, Arctic Monkeys (for you Vanessa)

Suddenly I see, KD Tunstall

Walking Contradiction, Green Day

First Day Of My Life, Bright Eyes

I Had Lost My Mind, Daniel Johnston

What songs motivate you to be the best you can be?

Your life is now. Don’t miss a moment.

-mamaV

Sisters Erin and Jean, publishers of REAL magazine call themselves “Inspired Realists.”

That sure has a nice ring to it.

Download REAL magazine here!

The first issue of REAL magazine is wrapped in a fantastic design featuring an funky, elegant, witch, beauty queen. Inside, the creativity explodes with unique articles such as “Harajuku Girls” (brought to fame by Gwen Stefani), and “Happy or Hungry?” a must read for all mamaV fans.

They even resurrect the tired old phrase “Beauty is skin deep,” with their insightful piece that challenges the reader to understand their own beauty perceptions with a self poll that is sure to make you stop. Think. And rethink.

The only slight disappointment I had in REAL magazine is the editors were sucked into the same photo-shopped pro ana pictures I have fallen for in the past, with their showcase article “Hot, Blonde, Famous and Rich.”

I’m not sure how these two Aussie’ s, just 18 and 20, managed to gather so much wisdom so quickly, but they amaze me. I’m not the only one they have impressed.  The funds for this debut issue was provided by Rushworth Community House. Visit their myspace page to donate to the next issue. 

Hmmm…they even managed to coax me out of my funk. 

I’M BACK BABY!

-mamaV

Download REAL magazine here!

I’ve been working on a little publication for the last 6 months or so. It got nixed.

 Various reasons, but bottom line is its not going to happen. This knocked the wind out of my sails more than I expected. I’ll get my groove back, but for now, I am laying low. I’m a blogger not a writer.

Everything happens for a reason.

Not a doubt in my mind.

-mamaV

I stumbled upon a book last weekend, Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuczynski. The stories told by this New York Times Style reporter are literally stunning.

Alex worked the beauty beat for years, in one of America’s most plastic obsessed cities, riddled with wannabes from all ages, and lifestyles. She tells of male lawyers obsessed with botox injections, because they need to have that perfect “poker face” in court.

Botox injections are recommended no more than every 6 months, but these dudes rotate dealers, I mean doctors, every 8-9 weeks for their necessary fix.

Liposuction for the feet, botox in the wrinkles of the palms. I wish I was kidding.  

And I know all about Body Dismorphic Disorder, but I suspect that in the majority of cases Alex details in her book, BDD is not the culprit. Our good old friend Self Esteem is lacking in these individuals, and lacking badly.

Take Mrs. X, the wife of a powerful Hollywood Executive (she refrained from revealing her real name). She manages her daily schedule around  primping and pumping needs. “It is her profession, hobby, passion, and primary relationship,” Alex explains. 

Hairdresser: 2 times per week for color, style, stripping, you name it.

Exercise: Daily tennis for toning

Skin: Self Tanner (separate one for face, body and hands), once a week a facialist steams her pores and gently squeezes them, Marina Chicet Brain Lipid Serum slathered on the face daily to allow the cow brain extract to conceal her wrinkles.

Water: Only Penta, due to the high-energy sound waves that are used to make this water more hydrating than any other.

Vitamins: Murad Wet Suit to build collagen, and a cup of probiotic blue-green algae each morning for who the hell knows what.

Nails: Twice per week, buffed not polished, for a younger look.

State of Mind: Rolfing treatments in a series, not sure how many sessions that includes.

Makeup: She does not leave the house, without a professional appling her makeup. Oh, and her makeup artist has an assistant.

Teeth: Cleaned every 8 weeks, natural ones are whitened, veneers replaced annually

Eyebrows: Tweezed and tinted every other week.

Eyes: Lasik perfect.

Doctor visits: monthly, utilizing various techniques including Gore-Tex, Botox, collagen, Retylane, Artecoll.

Plastic surgeon visits: consultations 3 times per year, about 1 surgery annually.

Procedures done: liposuction, tummy tuck, two variations of a brow lift and face lift, upper eyes, lower eyes, implants twice (first batch were not large enough).

And finally – Labiaplasty. Yep, trimming and tucking of the vagina, you know, to make them “neat and tidy” as Mrs. X explains. Labiaplasty happens to be the fastest growing area of plastic surgery. You can even have lipo on the pad of fat on the top of your vagina, making wearing tight dresses much easier! (Quote from a plastic surgeon not me!)

I am exhausted just thinking about this woman’s schedule. Exhausted, and so very sad for her. This quote encompasses her lack of self worth in a nutshell.

Alex asks her ” Is it difficult to be the wife of a powerful guy in Hollywood?

“How do you mean,” Mrs. X inquires.

“Do you ever wish you had a career?” Alex states.

There is a briefest of pauses.

“No, because I was never really going to be that good at anything,” she says. “Or at least I was never going to be so good at anything that I would have made a difference.”

 Damn, I am glad to be me.

-mamaV

As 2007 comes to a close, I thought we would like to revisit this year in dreaded pictures. These are great, bad examples girls. Hold them up as what you are determined not to be.

Supermodel weighing in at under 100 pounds, standing 5’9, hailed a frickin hero.

Former model dead in dear friends arms. A 60 pound grown woman and no one blinks.

No words.

Top Model Barbie. And we thought regular old barbie was too skinny.

Mother, friend, doctor…taken from rising star son by a fat sucking surgeon. If only she would have known how truly beautiful she was.

Spine of anorexic mannequin whispers to you “size zero.”

Teeny Vogue promotes toothpick legs driving home thinspiration message to teenage girls worldwide.

Size 0 pills are all the rage.

Jennifer Hewlett’s ass is evaluated by the world.

Diabetics discover no shots = no fat.

Anorexic child paraded on American TV for our viewing pleasure.

RETRACTION AUGUST 16, 2008

I received a heartfelt message from the mother of the child above, she said the following:

We did not take pleasure having to go on our local news to try to raise money for our daughters treatment when insurance turned us down.  We did the only thing we could think of ,which was to bring to light the fact that our state insurance would not pay for a 10 year old to go into treatment because it was out of state. We told our story , and because we came forward ,the treatment center  was willing to help us. I would not have talked openly about our story otherwise. If I had to do it again I would , because it not only helped us but through my journey I have met other families in our situation.   I am all for the fact that you want to bring ED to light and show how bad they are , but we really don’t like the
 fact that it sounds like we took pleasure in going public, because we didn’t. We have had to battle this illness for 2 years now and it is the hardest thing our family has ever had to go through.  I just wish that you would think about what the families might think when they see what you put about their child on your site.

RESPONSE FROM MAMAV:

Thank you for reaching out to me and explaining your story. I will post a follow up on your daughter and revise the caption as you have requested. How is your daughter doing? Have you been able get all the help you need?
 
My blog is sharp and cutting. I feel it needs to be to express the point of desparation we are in with this disease and culture. I do not intend to hurt individuals such and yourself, and for that I sincerely apologize for hurting you and your family. You have been through enough already. I hope you will accept my sincere apology.

Size 8 is the new full size according to ANTM. Tyra also manages to make old horrifying (notice reflection in mirror).

Guys join in the anorexic fun.

Pro Ana Halloween costume makes its debut. Add some fake jugs and we are in for some fun.

Supermodel Gemma Ward put to shame for her chubby appearance.

Anorexic poses for billboard in Italy, causing nothing more than a blip on the fashionista radar.

Ugly Betty beautified and skinnyfied on Glamour.

Mum kisses her little girl goodbye as she sends the 12 year old to the wolves.

Young woman holds coins and rings in her collarbones and shouts to mamaV “it was a joke!” (still don’t get it).

Spooky models remind girls far and wide runway modeling is not for the faint of heart.

Tunsdall kicks ass when she is told she is “too old to be a rockstar” at 26 years of age.

Faith Hill’s imperfections gleefully brushed away for her adoring fans.

“Skinny bitches” continue to shoot odd pictures of themselves, in various awkward poses and launch them to cyberspace with total disregard of conseqence.

Gil falls silent. But rumor has it she is still with us.

Hollywood knob Perez Hilton makes fun of mental illness and is applauded for his efforts.

Beauty lives on through murder and mayhem, thanks to Tyra Banks deeming this image “fierce!”

The notion of aging gracefully disapears from society.

New Beauty magazine offers every possible way to nip, tuck, and butcher your god given body.

MamaV blows the dust off her 1987 Vogue to remind us where we have been.

We are all still here. We are trying and we are hopeful.

-mamaV