Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Thanks to SS for keeping me abreast of this story over the past week. I contemplated writing about this dude, but didn’t because I figured it was a waste of breath, and less publicity would make him go away faster. But todays turn of events just made this story worth my time.

Kenneth Tong, wearing what appears to be a Rosary around his neck (either that or a pearl necklace which may be a fashion statement) spent the last week firing up the Twitter-sphere with a “hoax” pro-anorexia site or as he likes to call it ‘managed anorexia.”

Tong claims the site was simply a bet. A bet with a friend to try and become a “trending topic” on Twitter in less than a week (because he loves a challenge!) Tong figured the topic “pro-anorexia” would do the trick, so he started tweeting deranged commentary that unfortunately most of us are quite used to such as;

“”To be thinner, skip dinner. Anorexia is not evil, it is an often mismanaged blessing. Yadda, yadda, yadda”

Sorry gang, but in my world, what is the big deal? Proanorexia sites are EVERYWHERE. I have been screaming this from the rooftops for, let’s see, 5 years now and for some reason this dude awoke the masses to this topic. I guess I need to make it a joke for anyone to pay attention. In a sense, I guess I am glad this is happening because maybe some parents will start googling proana and thinspo to get a seriously painful reality check.

Ok, now I am fired up.

(more…)

I am saddened and amazed that no matter what I write about, my web statistics on this blog and my collective body image blog WeAreTheRealDeal.com show that the Number #1 search term is…..

PRO ANA

And variations of Pro Ana as you can see below. WTF? (Of course the beloved Nicole still pops up).

So, since this tells me many proana girls are here, let’s have a chat. It’s been awhile. For those of you that are new, like those I connected with on Twitter recently, here’s the brief history about this blog 2006-present:

-Started this blog to talk about how shitty the modeling industry is, and try to knock some sense into the girls chasing the proana dream.

-Got really, really pissed off over ANTM show, and blew my stack on my first youtube video (most asked question about my vlogs? Why am I in my car? Here’s the answer for the curious).

-Proceeded to stalk  emerse myself in the proana online culture to really, really get a true sense of what was happening “out there.” News articles either skimmed the surface or exploited the whole trend, so I wanted to dig in.

-My plan was to educate parents, but the blog itself dictated its path (those of you who are bloggers will understand this, blogs are best when you let them go the way the wind blows).  But I found the site community was mostly girls and young women. Hmm…. I thought. I’ve tapped into something here.

-With that revelation, I instead focused on trying to be a voice of reason for pro ana girls (and women, moms,  TV anchors, teachers …….yes I have been contacted by ALL of the above either for advice, or for requests to pull their picture off my site before they lose their job.

-Plus, I figure; why go after the parents to educate when you are all old enough and smart enough to figure out if you want to live a real life, or go down in proana flames of hell. Right?

-I got fired up, continually wrote posts based on my observation, and to date these two posts get the most traffic (again, not in my plan but reality bites);

Pro Ana Privacy part 1 / Pro Ana Privacy part 2

This  post is read obsessvely, obviously because I posted a bunch of public pictures from ProAna websites and everyone freaked (no I never, ever trolled or faked to be a member to grab images — these were on the public web, unmoderated, and free for the taking).

The lesson? This is the  world wide web kids — you take a picture of yourself in your undies in your bathroom, slap it online for your proana friends to stroke your self-confidence, and BAM–next thing you know some whack job mom blogger has it splashed all over the place).

Internet Suicide

Before Twitter, and still today I guess, Pro Ana Live Journal was the place to be if you wanted to talk about your crisis over eating half an Oreo and three extra celery sticks. PALJ have had all sorts of mods over the years, some completely out of their minds, others teaching the CR lifestyle, and a few with actual good intentions of being a source of “help” for those with anorexia.

But at the end of the day, this shit kills.

Image Credit: http://thekristiproject.webs.com/

Enter Kristi Lanford. A moderator who decided to document the end of her life online. Scary part was and is, many of us watched it happen — live. I never, ever want to experience something like this again. I hope you will read the last moments of her life here, perhaps Kristi will now save a few lives by taking her own. As you will read, Kristi was depressed, drinking, pill popping, and watching Skinny Celebrities as she went off to hopefully a new better place. An online memorial for Kristi was created by her friend “K” and can be viewed here. In K’s words, here is how Kristi’s passing impacted her;

On January 27th, 2007, Kristi took her own life, choosing to document the final moments of her life. There was shock, followed by sadness, followed by anger, followed by guilt, followed by emotions that I never wanted to feel; emotions that I didn’t know existed. There were moments where I beat myself up for not signing online sooner, not calling her just to check up on her, not doing something that could have saved her life. I, like so many others, regret not reaching out to help her more. It takes time to let those feelings go, it takes time to let the death of someone that you love so much go. 

So there you have it – Pro Ana, the lifestyle!*

Somehow, somewhere, I became the resident expert on proanorexia as it pertains to the internet usage, history, sites, language, etc. I’ll take that title. At least I know that while I post triggering thinspo — I also have got you where I want you, and that is listening to one voice — at least one voice that may in fact instead “trigger” your common sense.

My hope is that it saves your life.
-mamaV

*Kristi’s friends have been adamant that she was not “pro ana.” I have a different opinion on where Kristi was in her head, mostly based upon the way she died, so I wanted to point out this important detail out of respect for K and her other friends. 

Sorry, but the Ana-Rexia Costume you wanted is out of stock!

READ MORE HERE….

 

Former Ralph Lauren model Flippa Hamilton dumped for being too fat. Fake Flippa left, Real Flippa right

UPDATE: 10/15  Another incriminating photo exposes Laurens idiocy –more here 

Not such a Happy 70th Birthday for you today,  huh Ralph-ie?

Earlier this week, Lauren’s freaky-science-fiction like ad campaign featuring an oddly altered image of model Flippa Hamilton surfaced. BoingBoing said it best stating Hamilton’s “head is bigger than her pelvis (dude).”

Now the model herself has come forward to say she was fired for being “too fat.”

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I have struggled, struggled, struggled with the "trigger" topic. Over and over I have been asked and at times point blank told:

-Stop posting triggering photos!

-Post a warning on triggering topics!

-You must be more sensitive to those with EDs…

-You have to understand everyone is not strong.

Here's my question to you girls – where exactly does personal responsibility come in?

Here's my deal; I know that I am not being real if I post trigger warnings, or avoid pro-ana topics with thinspiration images…to instead write nice-little-fairy-tales sprinkled with gumdrops and rainbows, to create a safe haven for you.

If you can not handle the posts or images, it is your responsibility not to read this blog.  

Recovery is not easy.
It gets easier, yes.
but it is not easy.

Hopefully one day you will personally choose you are ready to recover. The day will come you will have to take that first step out into the big, bad world – and run smack into the most triggering-earth-shattering-thinspiration billboard on the planet.

**

Then what? Curl up in the corner? Or walk past it, head held high because you finally know who you are?

This is reality.
I'm a realist.
You must go elsewhere to be coddled.

Because girls, if you take this away from me, well… this blog is no longer a blog. It's just another pat on the back, that eventually pushes you into the water to see if you can swim.

You can swim.
I know you can swim.
So, I keep pushing.

My hope is that one of those pushes will be the spark you need to get on with your life.
-mV

XO

——-

**Dove Videos in full can be seen here:

Onslaught

Under Pressure

German Artist Ivonne Thein was so horrified by pro-anorexia web sites that she created "Thirty-Two Kilos" (70 pounds) exhibit….digitally enhanced images glorifying it? or mocking it? or perpetuating it?

If Thein got it, she would realize these images are the best youtube thinspiration yet….

Warning: The following post contains images that may be triggering.

Pro Anorexia web sites have increased 470% from 2006 to 2007, according to Optenet.

470% – that's insane.

Yet, when I ask the average parent if they have heard of  "pro ana," their eyes immediately glaze over. Why is this?

Let's see what our Ana friends have been up to, I haven't been on their case in a while, so time to surf the web….

Enter these Google search terms to find endless pages, sites, gory images, videos, and how to information – all in the name of  – "Pro Anorexia- The Lifestyle":

"Pro Ana": 8,840,000

"Pro Anorexia": 215,000

"Thinspiration": 57,900 

"Ana Mia": 513,000

"How To Be Anorexic": 1,240,000

"How To Be Bulimic": 431,000

"I am afraid of fat": 4,810,000

If those stats have not scared the crap out of you yet, let's move on to what's happening on YouTube. These represent full length videos folks, each average a few minutes in length:

Average new video per week: 100+

First Video Upload: May 13, 2006

"Ana Mia": 12,400

"Thinspo": 6,640

"Thinspiration": 3,890

"Pro Anorexia": 1,680

This insane increase may be attributed to;

• "Look Who's FAT" headlines pelting us at every single turn in the grocery check out aisle, partnered with anorexic images of Mary Kate Olsen crossing the streets of NYC dressed like a granny, gripping a Starbucks weighing in at 90 pounds tops.

Two examples of the thousands posted on the web of "real girl" thinspiration -the bathroom generally being the most popular location of the photo shoot (note to mom and dad: she is doing more than getting rid of their dinner in there).

• Tech-savvy teens laughing at efforts to shut down the pro ana sites quickly generating more content to royally piss off their parents.

• Well intentioned mothers scheduling their perfectly healthy daughters breast implants and liposuction for their sweet 16 birthday. If they die under the knife…oh well, life happens.

• Teen magazine articles preaching "eat healthy" while a turn of the page shows a bony girl smiling at the reader as if to say "You will never be me you fat ass loser."
• Every single fashion rag in this country filling its pages with photoshopped images of already super duper skinny models in order to make us regular people feel like a pile of crap….but they wouldn't make them if WE DIDN"T BUY THEM.

• Average size fashion model shrinking to a size 00 over the past decade (fun fact: according to the documentary America The Beautiful, this trend is "because designers need to save money on fabric.")

Rant over,
mamaV

With all of Oprah's drama over her weight gain, and the resulting encouragement for us all to "get back on the wagon" as to not embarrass ourselves -one would think her diet plan is free in order to build a true sense of community.

Not a chance.

Oprah's savior of the moment, Bobby Greene, charges $9.95 per month for his wisdom – after a 30 day trial.

Quite interesting, especially since this price has been reduced already, which last week was $19.95 per month with no trial- I guess sales are a bit slow?

The article
about her talking about her weight gain wasn't even free until recently – instead it was printed in a two page excerpt as a teaser – with a call to action to "buy the magazine for the full story."

Irritating.

Both Oprah and Bob are rolling in dough, and this feels like they are preying upon the vulnerable with the latest bogus diet scam. With all due respect Oprah, your diet history speaks for itself;

Your 20+ million viewers have watched you tout the "Liquid Diet" in the late 80's, then on to the Rosie Daley Best Chef on the Planet meal plan, to a Vegan cleanse as recent as June 2008 – and now on to Bobby's Best Life Secret -  your newest hero with THE answer.

Sorry Oprah, I love ya, but you are going to be crying in your soup again before we know it. I think you have a serious responsibility to not drag all of us along for ride….much less benefit financially from it.

Oh, before I forget – I tried a little test just for the heck of it. I entered my weight 148 and my goal weight 108 into Bob Greene's Best Life Diet sign up form.

Not a problem! You want to be pro anorexic, Bob will be there for you (and not hesitate take your cash)

Sloppy. The whole thing is just sloppy.

Disappointed,
-mamaV

————————–

Fun Facts: Oprah's Reach:

Every day, she reaches more than 26 million Americans – and countless
viewers in 100 other countries – from the comfortable sofa of her own
chat show. Fans have rejoiced that she's just signed a deal to host 140
episodes per year, up until 2010. Her website, www.oprah.com, averages
two million visitors a month and receives an astonishing 10,000 emails
each week.

Alba is the latest photoshop victim, airbrushed into some sort of cartoonish SuperHero version of herself.

A little nip and tuck at the waist, and slim down those chunky thighs please. Those collarbones need to really pop, we want to see bones. Vulptuious breasts must literally be pouring out of the top of the halter dress. Add some slutty red lipstick and a few sexy wisps to the hair – and now one of the world's most gorgeous women is good enough for Campari.

Freaky-ist part? Check out her eyeballs. They moved her damn pupils so she is staring at the camera!

For cripes sake, if this doesn't make you ill, not sure what will.

-mamaV

I am thinking I don't thank you all enough. The emails, the thoughtful comments, the everything…its really quite overwhelming at times.

This blog has been an incredible journey, one that has caused me to dig deep inside at times, take time to ponder where my head is at, but most of all it has given me you. This community means the world to me. Do you know that?

I know, I know…we argue, disagree, bat each other around from time to time – but when all is said and done we have a purpose here. We are all serving a purpose here. This would be nothing but a bunch of words without your breath of life.

I literally have no interest in listening to myself talk. It's the interaction with all of you that keeps me writing.

Plus, I know we are making a difference. I know this has become a daily meeting place for many, a safe place, and a place of hope amidst the darkness.

I hope you all were able to pause, and appreciate your families today. Thanksgiving is generally hell day  for ED sufferers…a nightmare of tradition revolving around food and stuffing ourselves silly. Crap, I remember dreading this day. I would plan how I would duck and dodge to get out of eating, flush my food down the toilet, or sneak it to the dog under the table.

Usually it was too nuts for anyone to notice, so I usually made it through, but I was miserable inside. So I wanted you all to know my heart was and is with you today.

To a better tomorrow my friends.

Love,

mamaV

XOXO

Call it disordered eating. Call it a diet. Call it balanced lifestyle. It’s all whacked.

This was a topic of conversation over the weekend at a blogger meeting in Chicago. I had the pleasure to meet up with a group of women bloggers including my longtime friend Stephanie from BISJ, and new friends Melissa from Talesofadisorderedeater, PastaQueen the author of "Half-Assed", Linda from FatDontWrinkle (gotta love that name).

I realized I come from a unique perspective because I have never "dieted" (yeah, yeah, I know "skinny bitch," you can say it). I went from normal Midwestern girl, to psycho-workout-starvation-freak, right back to normal Midwestern woman. Trust me, I don’t take it for granted. 

I sat and listened what it takes to maintain a goal weight on a Weight Watchers program. The measuring, the calorie journals, food calculations before every bite. It’s your basic time-consuming, mind-numbing, obsessive behaviors necessary for lifetime diet success. Hmmm….sounds quite familiar doesn’t it?

Here’s the difference, at least from the "Weight Watcher" girl perspective-

1) They aren’t deadly thin.

2) They don’t purge.

Don’t worry, I piped in with my big mouth to say "being thin is not a prerequisite to an ED, nor is purging."

I can’t tell you how many times I have been emailed by frustrated EDNOS sufferers with this very same thought. How many girls have posted here saying they were sent home from the hospital, after finally confiding their eating disorder "mind", only to be sent home because they were not "anorexically thin?"

At the end of the day, the whole thing just made me sad. It’s sad that the most fun I had with a group of women in a long time was around a table relating on eating behaviors.

The worst part, I am afraid, is that all of this, every single, sick part of it – is simply part of being a girl.

-mamaV

Video commentary on the Faces of Pro Ana saga that occured over the weekend. Videos are a bit choppy, but I am busy as heck and I wanted to get these posted.

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKodYgNRCWk]

Part 2 (camera died on me!)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3u0Mi6NTMU]

 Looking forward to your response,

-mamaV

I thought I’d help Josie drive some traffic to her cute, little post on My Pro Ana Hero!

This is my ~ThInSpIrAtIoN~

That’s me by the way, 21, skinny and miserable, sent to Miami by my NY agent to shoot with some pervert photographer. I ate nothing for 3 days until my self discipline broke and I mowed down a box of Total cereal, then hit the pool for a marathon swim. Good times.

Hey, I feel that spark coming back!

Look out Josie!

-mamaV

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJyHFl1ox8U]

Tipster Izzy directed to me to Faces of Pro Ana  (fixed the link it works now). I guess I am not the only one swiping images of Pro Ana girls on public web sites and displaying them to make a point.

I personally think this one holding the skull is particularly creative.

Sunday 3/30 1:30pm picture removed per request of individual shown. 

Can this get anymore psycho? Or is today’s youth so bored that they cling on to some grim reality for the shock factor?

Honestly, this is getting so tired. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but after nearly two years of blogging on this topic I have no idea why I am doing this. 

-mamaV

This video response was posted to me from YouTube regarding the Internet Suicide post. I feel this individual articulates a point of view that is worth sharing because she speaks as an outsider coming into a pro ana community, and being caught off guard on what she finds.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=GFyjHGUE3bU]

Thoughts?

mamaV 

What is the most ridiculous thing you have every tried to lose weight?

Jezebel recently posted on a Glamour Rag article dedicated to this topic, “Scary Diet Tricks No Woman Should Try!”

Before you all freak and tell me that I am providing tips and tricks for pro anas or individuals with ED’s please just stop. The web is crawling with this crap so don’t delude yourself into believing I am revealing some mystery here. Plus not one item on the Glamour list was new to me, so my guess you all won’t be surprised either.

My lamest attempt at weight loss?

Baby food. Who the hell knows how I even came up with this idea, but we all know the mind does strange things when deliberately starved. Didn’t taste bad really, but the vision of a teenage girl walking down the street chomping down strained peas from a mini glass Gerber jar is rather psycho.

Your turn,

-mamaV 

**Excerpt from The Hip Bone Handbook, how to be anorexic.

I started blogging back in 2006. What started as a total whim, has grown to be a part of me. The girls of my blog community created the nickname “mamaV” and quickly took hold of my heart. The vast majority of these young women find my blog while they secretly search for pro-anorexia online.

Pro-Anorexia?

The thought of Anorexia, as a lifestyle, is so totally preposterous, I have a hard time saying it myself. Most adults are dumbfounded by the topic, as I was when I first caught wind of it.

This is not some random, underground culture. A simple search for the term on Google returns over a million pages of starvation driven content. We are talking deliberate, active, starvation here.

Pro-anorexia, a.k.a. ”pro-ana or wannarexia,”  preys on the weak, the young, the insecure. The more the pro-ana lifestyle takes hold of a young mind, followers actually start to refer to “Ana,” their fictionary god who serves to justify their actions.

This topic is ugly and disturbing.

Do not turn away and leave this one for someone else to deal with, it ain’t going away.

These are OUR girls.

You can address this issue head on, in your everyday life, through the interactions of every young person you are in contact with. You need to be aware of what is going on in the minds of young people today, in order to recognize the deadly habits of a pro-anorexic individual, perhaps even save a precious life before it is sucked into the pro-ana culture.

THIN equals beauty in this society.

We are raising a generation of of young women who would rather die, than be one of the ugly ones.

Life goals are not to be smart, or happy, or strong.

Thin is it. And it’s pathetic.

I can’t sit here, silent, when we have healthy, young, capable lives being pissed away while they are busy collaborating online on how to starve themselves to death.

Can you?

-mamaV

Sisters Erin and Jean, publishers of REAL magazine call themselves “Inspired Realists.”

That sure has a nice ring to it.

Download REAL magazine here!

The first issue of REAL magazine is wrapped in a fantastic design featuring an funky, elegant, witch, beauty queen. Inside, the creativity explodes with unique articles such as “Harajuku Girls” (brought to fame by Gwen Stefani), and “Happy or Hungry?” a must read for all mamaV fans.

They even resurrect the tired old phrase “Beauty is skin deep,” with their insightful piece that challenges the reader to understand their own beauty perceptions with a self poll that is sure to make you stop. Think. And rethink.

The only slight disappointment I had in REAL magazine is the editors were sucked into the same photo-shopped pro ana pictures I have fallen for in the past, with their showcase article “Hot, Blonde, Famous and Rich.”

I’m not sure how these two Aussie’ s, just 18 and 20, managed to gather so much wisdom so quickly, but they amaze me. I’m not the only one they have impressed.  The funds for this debut issue was provided by Rushworth Community House. Visit their myspace page to donate to the next issue. 

Hmmm…they even managed to coax me out of my funk. 

I’M BACK BABY!

-mamaV

Download REAL magazine here!

Here’s a “Dear Abbey” of sorts. I received this email today, name and location has been changed to protect privacy. I figured this community would give some interesting advice.

The story is all too familiar…

Hello mamaVISION,

My name is Zoe i am 17 years old and weigh a healthy 13
stone. I was walking around a fashion show which was being held in my
local area, when i was spotted by Storm models the very same people
who manage Kate Moss.

They asked me if i was interested in modeling and i immediately said
yes to them. I was asked to go downtown the very next day to
meet a photographer who would take some photos for a portfolio.

This was all fine until two months afterwards, i was told to lose 3
stone so i was 10 stone! That would make me have a BMI of 18.0 which i
do not think is healthy. I am now on a diet of 270 calories each day
and have collapsed twice in the last four days. I am not sure what to
do, because they are relying on me to do fashion week!

I feel trapped, and was handed some laxatives by a fellow model what
should i do?

Dear ZT:  

You, and only you can make this decision. If you want to be a model, you need to follow the rules. All of which are quite clear.

I have never been one to tell others what to do when it comes to modeling, its a personal choice. I do try to forewarn others what they are getting into with the fashion industry, and fortunately for you Zoe, you have discovered the facts early in the game.

Ask yourself this question: 

How will you feel if you walk away from this opportunity?

When I was asked this question at 16, I said:

I’ll wonder my whole life what I could have done.

I wanted it. I wanted to be a model. I wanted the excitement, the attention, and really it was a blessing in disguise for me. Crap, I barely got out alive, but still would not change a thing.

Zoe, I wish you health and happiness, and I would never encourage anyone to starve. But the reality is, it goes with the territory. Now you need to decide if being a model is worth the pain and suffering.

I encourage you to reach out to your parents, or any other friend or family member that you trust to help you think through this decision. I posted you question here so you can also ponder the thoughts of others.

Take care,

mamaV