Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Ok, who saw the amazing debut of Steven Tyler’s new video on American Idol last night?

There we were, my husband and I, watching our fave show with our 11 and 8 year old children, when on comes this crazy whirlwind of clips of Tyler, first with chimps, then singing to a teenage girl who ends up slowly stripping throughout the video, intermingled with scenes of Grandpa Steve slapping around with  Nicole Scherzinger.

What exactly is a parent supposed to say to their kids in this situation?

Isn’t there something wrong with promoting a 60 year old dude lusting after a teenager? (ok she is probably in her twenties, but c’mon!!)

It’s demented. It’s not normal, or reality, or cool. It’s just lame (and Anon just save your “you are just jealous” b.s. for another day because this is pathetic). And if you don’t think its pathetic, you are not a parent in your right mind.

Do you know what my kids said?

“Mama, this is really inappropriate.”

God bless America, how low can we go?

Remaining rants and questions;

1. What’s up with the beginning shot of the makeup artist chick sticking her finger up his nose?
2. What animal is Tyler’s little friend in the beginning — a seal?
3. Love how he dresses on Idol actually, but the white women’s pantsuit with floppy hat is not cutting it.
4. I mean seriously, did they cut this entire video together in a day or less?
5. I think I am really pissed because I had really grown to like Steven as a judge on Idol, and I started digging his Aerosmith songs — but now I am left feeling embarrassed for the poor guy.
6. I could not find ONE blog ripping the hell out of this video like I am, so I figure I am totally out numbered here but whateva, this is my space to let it rip.

-mamaV

XO

As I aways say, your life is now. Are you living today?

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—–

Shelly from the HBO Documentary THIN has something to say today.

I wake up every morning and ask myself….

Is it worth it? 

Is it worth fighting all the negativity in my mind today?  Is it worth having put trust my in others so often because I cannot trust myself at times?  Is it worth eating and gaining weight?  Is it worth feeling feelings I haven’t allowed myself to feel in so long?  Is worth taking on responsibility when I have run from it in the past?  Is it worth having to talk about things that bother me instead of internalizing them and having them subconsciously wreck my mind?  Is it worth being accountable to myself and others in my life?  Is it worth growing up?  Is it worth taking a risk getting hurt again?  Is it worth getting close to others and letting others in? Is it worth taking risks and possibly failing?  Is it worth taking care of myself…showering, brushing my teeth, my hair?  Is it worth getting dressed? Is it worth finding out who I am and doing what life wants me to do?  Is it worth surrendering to everything I thought was right?  Is it worth learning new ways to cope?  Is it worth setbacks?  Is it worth not knowing what the future holds?  Is it worth giving up the control I thought I had? IS it worth finding out things that could hurt and overwhelm me? Is it worth being so anxious that I can’t even sit still? IS it worth giving up my identity that I have held on to for so long?  Is it worth challenging TV, internet, and radio who say I have to fit some ideal? 

Is it worth it to keep going down the road of recovery?

Do I want to lose my family, friends, and most importantly MYSELF?  Do I want a life of pain and hurt and suffering?  Do I want to die?

NO

So I guess it is worth it to keep fighting no matter how scary and hard it gets.

-Shelly

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Misery. We wallow in it, we promote it, we continue behaviors to fuel it, all while telling others we are trying. Are we trying? Or have you given up at the moment?

If you are at the depths of your ED, you are probably ready to smack me right now, but that’s good. At least you are alive and thinking. The hard thing about eating disorders is they are all encompassing. You are either in, or out, there’s is not a lot of in between.

Plus nothing phases you when you are in deep. The mind reels incessantly, like a hamster on a wheel, squeaking as it spins, day in and day out, until you don’t know what normal is anymore. Can you imagine if someone was tape recording your daily thoughts? Nuts. Absolutely insane.

How many times would you say negative feelings about yourself?

How much would you be questioning your actions? What you said? How you said it? What ‘they’ think of you?

It’s a damn living nightmare, but I am here to say you can come back. Come back stronger, and harder, and more confident. You can beat this devil of a disease, but it takes persistence, resilience, and one hell of a lot of energy.

Let me tell you what’s waiting for you on the other side. Visualize being capable of;

Reading a book and not losing your place because you can’t concentrate on anything but hunger pains.

Sitting at the dinner table with friends, focused on their faces, expressions, and their words, rather than the food that will not stop calling your name.

The mirror becomes just a mirror, not the arch enemy, judge and jury.

Forgetting, honestly, forgetting to eat because you were so engaged in an activity.

Tell me the last thing you did where you felt like you were in the moment?

Just living life for life’s sake.

Let’s talk new year.  Fresh start. Breaking old habits. Building upon healthy ones.

I want you to: Believe, conceive, achieve.

-mamaV

PS my new year’s resolution is to stop underestimating. When it comes to time, energy, effort, you name it- I will underestimate what it will take to accomplish it. I like to call it “optimism….to a fault.”