Live Today
1 Nov
As I aways say, your life is now. Are you living today?
Tag Archives: life perspective
Spit It Out
2 Apr
There are very few things that I feel strongly about when it comes to my blog.
For the most part I post about what I think, let the wind blow me in whatever direction, and I have a great deal of fun listening to all of the thoughtful, intelligent responses. You are one impressive bunch.
But on the topic of no moderation, and total free speech, I am solid. I feel so strongly that this is important, not sure why really, I just do.
I guess its because the world is censored, so fake, so digitized, and so totally predictable. Everything is polished and marketed just right in order to suit us. Billions of marketing dollars are spent to please us, to seduce us, to give us what we have come to want and expect, and we suck it up like they know we will.
When we have an open forum such as this and we get a few total nut jobs going off on tangents just for the plain fun of it, its shocking and scary and upsetting all in one.
Don’t freak. Just take it for what it is.
Don’t turn away because you are uncomfortable. Just be in it, in the realness of it all, and I promise you will learn something about yourself.
You will learn that it doesn’t matter.
It simply does not matter what other people think about you. It’s completely and totally irrelevant, and the sooner you accept this fact and start living, you will experience freedom beyond anything you can imagine.
Just stop. Just stop worrying what others think and say about you. It simply does not matter.
The other good news?
Evil minded ones are few and far between. I believe, and I believe this wholeheartedly, that the vast majority of people are good, kind, gentle and compassionate. Don’t close your heart when you are scared off by someone who is absorbed in themselves, simply turn away and seek a friend elsewhere.
You will find it, but you need to keep your eyes open.
Repeat after me:
You are worth it.
You deserve it.
And you can find it within yourself.
I did.
And I do.
And life a whole new meaning.
Your Life is Now,
mamaV
Worth
1 Apr
Shelly from THIN has something to say today.
I wake up every morning and ask myself….
Is it worth it?
Is it worth fighting all the negativity in my mind today? Is it worth having put trust my in others so often because I cannot trust myself at times? Is it worth eating and gaining weight? Is it worth feeling feelings I haven’t allowed myself to feel in so long? Is worth taking on responsibility when I have run from it in the past? Is it worth having to talk about things that bother me instead of internalizing them and having them subconsciously wreck my mind? Is it worth being accountable to myself and others in my life? Is it worth growing up? Is it worth taking a risk getting hurt again? Is it worth getting close to others and letting others in? Is it worth taking risks and possibly failing? Is it worth taking care of myself…showering, brushing my teeth, my hair? Is it worth getting dressed? Is it worth finding out who I am and doing what life wants me to do? Is it worth surrendering to everything I thought was right? Is it worth learning new ways to cope? Is it worth setbacks? Is it worth not knowing what the future holds? Is it worth giving up the control I thought I had? IS it worth finding out things that could hurt and overwhelm me? Is it worth being so anxious that I can’t even sit still? IS it worth giving up my identity that I have held on to for so long? Is it worth challenging TV, internet, and radio who say I have to fit some ideal?
Is it worth it to keep going down the road of recovery?
Do I want to lose my family, friends, and most importantly MYSELF? Do I want a life of pain and hurt and suffering? Do I want to die?
NO
So I guess it is worth it to keep fighting no matter how scary and hard it gets.
-Shelly
Life is what you make it.
27 Dec
Misery. We wallow in it, we promote it, we continue behaviors to fuel it, all while telling others we are trying. Are we trying? Or have you given up at the moment?
If you are at the depths of your ED, you are probably ready to smack me right now, but that’s good. At least you are alive and thinking. The hard thing about eating disorders is they are all encompassing. You are either in, or out, there’s is not a lot of in between.
Plus nothing phases you when you are in deep. The mind reels incessantly, like a hamster on a wheel, squeaking as it spins, day in and day out, until you don’t know what normal is anymore. Can you imagine if someone was tape recording your daily thoughts? Nuts. Absolutely insane.
How many times would you say negative feelings about yourself?
How much would you be questioning your actions? What you said? How you said it? What ‘they’ think of you?
It’s a damn living nightmare, but I am here to say you can come back. Come back stronger, and harder, and more confident. You can beat this devil of a disease, but it takes persistence, resilience, and one hell of a lot of energy.
Let me tell you what’s waiting for you on the other side. Visualize being capable of;
Reading a book and not losing your place because you can’t concentrate on anything but hunger pains.
Sitting at the dinner table with friends, focused on their faces, expressions, and their words, rather than the food that will not stop calling your name.
The mirror becomes just a mirror, not the arch enemy, judge and jury.
Forgetting, honestly, forgetting to eat because you were so engaged in an activity.
Tell me the last thing you did where you felt like you were in the moment?
Just living life for life’s sake.
Let’s talk new year. Fresh start. Breaking old habits. Building upon healthy ones.
I want you to: Believe, conceive, achieve.
-mamaV
PS my new year’s resolution is to stop underestimating. When it comes to time, energy, effort, you name it- I will underestimate what it will take to accomplish it. I like to call it “optimism….to a fault.”
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