Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Crap, I’ve had a hellava couple months so hope you are in the mood for a rant.

Diagnosed with mono (again). I mean, come on — I am 42 years old (total grandma to most of you I know, plus its not like I am making out with some dude behind the bleachers — happily married soon to be 15 years!)

Anyway, I’ve been through a battery of tests. Everything normal. Actually, perfectly normal. I am healthy as a horse, except for this mono mystery virus that keeps pulling me down every few years. Needless to say, this doesn’t feel normal to me, I can’t help thinking there is something more behind it you know?

In case you don’t know mono is caused by the Epstein Barr virus. Basically, you have to have it in order to be diagnosed officially with mono. Same deal with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or CFS.  I don’t know about you, but CFS is the last label I want slapped on me. I don’t feel like carrying that ball and chain around the rest of my life. Plus, in the US of A,  CFS, just like Fibromyalgia are in our societies crock o’ shit diseases category.

Its in our head.

Lady, seriously, see the psych already.

Have you tried caffeine?

All statements that have been said directly to my face by arrogant doctors, including a kiddish resident that called me ma’am. I called him dude. Tit for tat.

So in the cyclone of these doctor appointments I catch a glimpse of my online chart which states I have a “mood problem.”

Seriously, a mood problem.

Those of you who know me know that anxiety is one of those old friends I have tried to ditch my entire life but failed. So, I resorted to medicine, prescribed by a highly skilled psychiatrist whom I respect very much. Meds that literally changed my life, allowed me to read, concentrate, be a better mother, perform better at my job, and basically be a real person. The little cocktail of pills that I wish to God I had known about way back in my teenage years.

But to the kid, to the oh-so-wise resident doctor, this medicine is basically for total losers. Plus, my prescribed dosage is WAYY the hell to high, in fact he is shocked because he has never, ever seen a patient taking these dosages of psych drugs (which is not saying much since I think I was his first patient EVER).

But still, his words sting.  I know you know what I mean. 

Here’s the point, we’ve got to blow off all the people that regard mental illness as some sort of weakness. Its all in our head, we are all mad. Might as well bring back the sanitariums and shock treatments to get these crazed people under control already. To this day, I struggle with this, but ultimately I come out on top.

In this situation (you’ll get a kick out of this), I listened to the kid rattle on with his ball of crap philosophy, asking me questions like

“What do you have to be so anxious about? So you just hang your hat on believing anxiety is genetic?” In the next breath, he went on to tell me there is simply NO WAY I have mono. After all, I don’t look sick. He tells me how people with mono can barely walk, and me? I look perfectly healthy.

I insist on the test anyway. He acts pissed but runs it. I ditch out of the office before getting the results because I’ve had my fill of this dude.

Mono tests come back positive.

The guy is a genius! I wonder what his face looked like when he saw those test results…man I wish  would have stayed around for that.

So here I sit. Resting. Resting. Resting. And thinking about how glad I am ME and not HIM. Thinking about how proud I am that I express these things here in the hopes that one of you may relate and feel just a little bit better about yourself.

You are not nuts. They are. Save yourself a lot of heartache and trust me.

Love,

mV

XOXO

Found this lovely pic on BoingBoing, creepy headless mannequins at Gap. Saggy leggings on anorexic frames. “Always Skinny” branding makes this even more sick.

How exactly are we supposed to be normal with this influence in our face 24/7?

Saw this one coming a mile away. Particularly since Kate, The Dutchess of Cambridge, seems to be shrinking by the day (let’s hope its stress).  Turns our the Pro-anas are all over the sisters, glomming on to them as their fresh new “thinspo” material (at least that is what the media is shrieking).

How grand.

Odd thing is I searched for 15 minutes before writing this post for a video, proana site, or thinspo crap channel and I could not find ONE thing stated, noted, or expressed about Kate and Pippa.

So is this one hype or the typical situation of the media planting seeds for our dear proana community to glom on to? Either way, does it even matter at this point? Does anyone even care that there are MILLIONS of girls out there touting “Anorexia as a lifestyle.”

I found that answer many, many years ago – five to be exact, and the answer is a big fat NO. This culture is instead very interested in sensationalizing the whole thing, or of course banding together to “SHUT THE PRO ANA SITES DOWN.” Oh, yeah, that’s gonna do it. It takes what…five minutes to put up a new site or Facebook page?

We need to face this head on. We need to face the fact that every woman on the planet would like to be as thin as Kate and Pippa. Most actually spend the vast majority of their time longing to look like a waif. This is nothing new, and its no where near getting better, so what to do?

For me, I just need to rant about it a bit and get it out of my system, then I can move on with my day. How about you?

mV

A dear friend of mine sent me this song that you need to hear. This singer has struggled our struggles and she no doubt expresses it in this tune “Control.”

If only we could let it go, you know? It’s like we can gain glimpses of it, but then we slip back into our patterns of incessant worry over all the things that might happen, could be happening, will occur (even when 99% of it never does).

This is why I believe it is essential to surround yourself with people, music, images, and family who “get it” and who make you feel optimistic about yourself and life.

Have a listen, or two, or twenty — and keep your head screwed on straight today.

Lyrics: CONTROL
words and music by Dave and JJ Heller

The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn’t hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

(more…)

Not all — but a large population of today’s eating disorders stem from our societies focus on body image and weight.

Let’s face it — our society is nuts.

We accept the fact that “Plus-Sized” models are now size 8-16. We accept the fact that magazines airbrush the living crap out of every single image of women within their pages yet we hold ourselves up to that standard. We accept the fact that kids as young as 4 are dieting (yes that is a f-o-u-r). We accept the fact that more lives are lost because of eating disorders than any other mental illness but God forbid we fork over the $ to treat sufferers. We accept the fact that Pro-Anorexia is a lifestyle that has infiltrated every corner of the web and our solution is to “Shut down those sites!” We accept the fact that dieting moms push their issues on their daughters. We accept the fact that sports require restricting food and water for weight requirements and pure vanity. We accept the fact that fat chat is a daily event that takes place in front of our children with listening ears.

But then we sit and wonder;

What’s wrong with our children? Why are they not happy? Why are they cutting? Why is there so much bullying? Why did that child commit suicide?

It all comes as a shock when you don’t open your eyes and walk around this insane planet for one day and notice how totally destructive our society is to our self image and body image.

Do it — I double dare you. Watch prime-time TV tonight. Google the word “thinspiration.” Open a fashion magazine, pick one, anyone and see the walking dead who are hailed the closest thing to perfect that we’ve ever seen. Browse this list of dead women consumed by their disease. Look at the athletes lost who were more dedicated to their sport than their lives. Take a stroll into Victoria Secret at the mall (actually you don’t even need to step inside since the massive promotional images on the outside of the store include a woman’s ass in a lace thong which is so appropriate).

Then go about your lovely little day. Concerned about your lovely little problems. While your children stick their fingers down their throats within earshot while you pretend to not notice. A burden you say. A frickin burden.

mamaV

XOXOXOXOX

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist or counselor. I am however a woman who has recovered (fully) from her eating disorder and I have been blogging on this topic since 2006 which stands for something. Qualified to make these statements? No. Making them anyway? Yes. Ranking like a lunatic? Absolutely.

I received an email from the producer of Oprah’s long awaited new show “Addicted To Food.” Below is the episode in full, please watch it and post your feedback. I’ll admit, I have mixed feelings — I liked it more than I thought I would. More thoughts below the video.

PROS:

1. I liked the way the show was shot, it seemed genuine, real — and as “non-exploitive” as possible.  I am thinking some of you will feel the bulimic and/or eating scenes were not necessary, but I would disagree because the realness of it added to true sickness of the disease(s).
2. The show successfully captured the deep, dark, sadness individuals with an eating disorder suffer with — alone, day after day and often year after year.
3. The philosophy that all eating disorders are at the core the same issue, I agree with and the atmosphere of placing individuals with all different disorders is different than I am accustomed to (ie anorexic and bulimics treated together, separate from compulsive overeaters for example).

CONS:

1. Individuals featured in the show may experience regret from “going  public” with their healing process.
2. Can one really be themselves with a camera in their face? If it was me — not a chance. I think it would hinder me a great deal.

Still pondering this….

The first I heard of P!nk’s new video was from some parenting group freaking out about it (god forbid we should show reality to the children!!!!)

Ok, so here is what they have their undies in a bundle about; the video shows a young woman struggling from childhood to adulthood, engaging in various illegal activities, and then on to cutting, an eating disorder, and suicide attempt.

As a parent of a 10 year old girl, and a 7 year old boy, I fit the demographic of a mom that should be in a state of shock over this.  As you all know, this stuff is everyday life here at mamaV, so I am totally digging this.  This is how kids feel for god’s sake!

Do parents think ignoring this is going to make it not happen to their daughter or son?

The truth is if you are a parent that ignores the cuts on the arms and the bones sticking out of the collarbones (aka PLEASE HELP ME warning signs) you just missed your shot at saving your child’s life.

Let me know what you guys think, below is P!nk in her own words talking about why she did this video (didn’t know she was pregnant herself, I gotta get with the program). Click to next page to view video and Pink’s commentary

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The mother of Isabelle Caro, the anorexic French model who died last year, has committed suicide according to Daily Mail. Read the full story about Isabelle here.

‘[Marie] felt guilty for having put my daughter in the Bichat Hospital. My daughter did not want to go to that hospital,’ Isabelle’s step-father Christian told Swiss newspaper 20 Minutes.

In 2008 Isabelle released an autobiography called The Little Girl Who Didn’t Want to Get Fat in which she wrote that her mother appeared to resent her growing up.

What a horribly sad story. There really is not much else to say is there?

mV

XOXO

Thanks to SS for keeping me abreast of this story over the past week. I contemplated writing about this dude, but didn’t because I figured it was a waste of breath, and less publicity would make him go away faster. But todays turn of events just made this story worth my time.

Kenneth Tong, wearing what appears to be a Rosary around his neck (either that or a pearl necklace which may be a fashion statement) spent the last week firing up the Twitter-sphere with a “hoax” pro-anorexia site or as he likes to call it ‘managed anorexia.”

Tong claims the site was simply a bet. A bet with a friend to try and become a “trending topic” on Twitter in less than a week (because he loves a challenge!) Tong figured the topic “pro-anorexia” would do the trick, so he started tweeting deranged commentary that unfortunately most of us are quite used to such as;

“”To be thinner, skip dinner. Anorexia is not evil, it is an often mismanaged blessing. Yadda, yadda, yadda”

Sorry gang, but in my world, what is the big deal? Proanorexia sites are EVERYWHERE. I have been screaming this from the rooftops for, let’s see, 5 years now and for some reason this dude awoke the masses to this topic. I guess I need to make it a joke for anyone to pay attention. In a sense, I guess I am glad this is happening because maybe some parents will start googling proana and thinspo to get a seriously painful reality check.

Ok, now I am fired up.

(more…)

I caught this video on whim, and loved it! Katy Perry has been iffy to me in terms of appropriateness (cupcakes as boobs…..really?)

But the theme for Firework is so inspiring;

4 young adults with different issues/insecurities that are holding them back from being themselves;

An girl who feels overweight not swimming at a party.

A child with cancer, bald from chemo stuck in the hospital.

Kids in a household with fighting parents.

Gay young male wanting to come out.

Check it out and tell me what you think. Love, mv

Ok, the promos for this new E! show are so totally sensationalized its pathetic…but the show itself, I have mixed feelings about.

First, check out the promo.

The music, the images, the narrator voice — totally over the top. But then I went the E! site to see videos of the actual show and I thought it may have some value. What do you think?

(more…)

Meet Sophie Watson.

Quite a lovely, 14 year old girl isn’t she?

(She would be lovelier without those freckles though, don’t ya think? But at least her tattooed eyeliner, eyebrows and lip liner makes her otherwise shallow features stand out).

“I am happy. I just look a lot better, Sophie says.

“I like it now that it is always there and I don’t need to bother with it every morning.”

Her mother, a demented beauty therapist (that’s a new one), said she gave permission for the make-up treatment, according to BBC News.

(more…)

WARNING: I DO NOT DO TRIGGER WARNINGS.

For 4 years I have been attempting to educate the public, parents, mental health professionals and anyone else that will listen about pro-anorexia.

Pro-anorexia is the belief that “anorexia is a lifestyle.” Google the terms “proana,” “thinspo” to be sickened. On YouTube, an average of five videos per day are uploaded filled with images, music, and mantras all meant to keep these proana girls motivated on their goal to starve themselves to be like the Hollywood stars they admire.

Most people turn away and tell me “I can’t handle that, but guess what, we must. Others tell me I should be softer, and nicer to celebs who pave the way for girls. Ain’t happenin’

Check out these links to get a sense of what I am talking about here:

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Gemma Ward today -- normal is not cutting it in fashion, she is ready for "plus sized" modeling according to Bryan Boy

Top Fashion Model Gemma Ward has had it — she has called it quits after years of harrassment about her weight Perhaps the final straw was being called a ”Roll Model” by the Sunday Telegraph, read more here (first person to find the roll wins!)

It’s called PUBERTY people.

Celebrating her 22nd birthday in New York last week, Ward was photographed alongside close friend and Sports Illustrated swimwear model, Jessica Gomes. Ward, who was romantically linked to Heath Ledger, disappeared from the fashion industry after his death in January 2008, The Sunday Telegraph reports.

Last week, she was snapped wearing a leopard-print jacket, shorts and biker boots - looking the very picture of a healthy young woman (above).  But the photographs were quickly posted by international fashion blogger Bryan Boy. Reader comments varied from overwhelming support to vicious attacks on her new real shape, with the blogger boy himself saying she could now give “Crystal Renn a run for her money.”

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Howdy! A little blog reconstruction going on here so don’t freak. I’ll be working on a new look and feel so you’ll see continual changes, but in the meantime you’ll see my old header and navigation.

Fall 2006 First header image, what a youngster!

OPEN FORUM!

In the meantime, how about we bring back the open forum? For those of you who are new, the open forum was just an open post where we all chatted about whatever, whenever, and we ended up making a lot of friends. No rules, just talk — go here to check it out.

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Marianne at The Rotund clued me into the latest totally irritating commercial promoting the "thin is in" message.

Purex is running a new ad called "The Thinner Load", starting with the tagline "As things get better, they get thinner."

Since when? How does this relate to laundry detergent, washing clothes, or anything remotely relevant to this product?

Check this out; I grabbed a few screenshots to demonstrate the concept here, see the entire commercial here.

First, we see an old-fashioned wide assed gown..

Evolving to more reasonable female garb…

On to 90s career wear….

And finally, the perfect little skinny skirt reflective of today.

Well, aren't we lucky. Lucky to live in a day and age that we have ad agency guru's sitting around dreaming up this irrelevant crap, being paid a shit-load to do it, and as a result impacting the psyche of the entire female population.

Thinner is not better.
It never has been.
It never will be.

Being YOU is better.
It always has been.
It always will be.

We know this. We hear this. We believe this….but we are so damn gullible, its hard for advertisers to resist pressing our buttons.

So, can we really blame them?

-mV