Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

I am a bit behind the news these days due to job constraints, but I figured you would all like a chance to comment on the latest celebrity reaction to the dreaded, EVIL CELLULITE SAGA.

Former beauty, turned lard ass Jennifer Love Hewitt defends herself against the legal stalkers who snapped her images during a vacation to Hawaii, stating for the record her ”size 2 is not fat!”

Not sure what her size has to do with the argument, by hey, she tried. She also posted a nice message on her blog to all of us fellow porkers to “stay strong.”

My bet is Jennifer Love turns up about 30 pounds lighter a few months from now. Would you blame her? Who the hell could take this kind of heat? Not I.

Let’s discuss cellulite for a moment. Why do we fight it? Why is it deemed so bad, ugly and horrid? Who decided this? There is no cream, lipo, or other bullshit treatment that is going to get rid of it – so let it go and live your damn life already ladies.

Just $30 of your hard earned money will get you this con job in a jar by Sephora, the beauty marketing geniuses dedicated to stealing you blind.

Even when I was a bone, I still had it. Trust me, it was there. Now that I am a normal weight, still there, don’t care.

Be friend your damn cellulite already and move on for gods sake. I have spent the last two summers at Girl Scout Camp, pleading with the other mom’s to hop in the pond with me and the troop. They always claim one excuse or another, as they sweat to death in the sun, all while their eyes tell me their real story.

They are scared. Scared of their cellulite. Scared of what others will think. Scared to be called the F-word.

This saddens me deeply, because I know all they are missing. Worse yet, I know the message being sent to the girls – hide your body, its ugly and fat.

I hope for you, your day of freedom comes soon. The day that you catch a glimpse of your rear in the mirror, and smile, is a glorious awakening.

It’s all for naught,

mamaV

Size 0 is now available in pill form! Just pop one, I mean four, of these little beauties a day and you too can look like a zombie runway model.

This simply fabulous breakthrough secret is contained in a dainty little black box, with the answer to happiness  plastered front and center just in case you forgot that anything above a size zero is, well, eeewwww.

Brought to you by your friendly mall vitamin store GNC, the leaders in converting lard asses nationwide, into “Hot, Radiant, Alluring, Elegant & Beautiful” creatures.

Just a few silly warnings, pay no mind:

Not intended for use by individuals under the age of 18 (but what about my 10 year old daughter who is dieting with me?)

Consult with a physician prior to, during and after use (I’ll get right on that)

If you are taking any prescription medication or have any medical condition (wait, that eliminates 99% of the population) 

If you have been treated for or diagnosed with, or have a family history of, any medical condition including, but not limited to:high blood pressure, heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, peptic and gastric ulcers, cardiac arrhythmia, renal disease, hyperthyroidism, spasms, glaucoma, psychiatric disease, psychological conditions, anxiety, depression, nervousness, seizure disorder, stroke, angina, diabetes, asthma, suffer from migraines, are allergic to tyramine or chocolate or sensitive to the effects of caffeine (that eliminates the other 1% of us)

Do not take in conjunction with any supplement or over-the-counter drug containing ephedrine alkaloids, caffeine, pseudoephedrine, phenylpropanolamine or any stimulants. One serving of this product contains approximately as much caffeine as two cups of coffee (catch a buzz off the stuff simultaneously, I like it).

Do not use if you have a history of drug use. Do not use with alcohol (I’m out)

Do not use during high intensity activities in high temperature conditions (exercise not allowed.)

Discontinue use and consult a physician immediately if you experience any of the following: nervousness, sleeplessness, dizziness, cardiac irregularities or rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, tremors, nausea, chest pain, tingling sensations, behavioral changes, loss of consciousness, or other similar symptoms (any one still alive?)

NOTE: The product name Size 0 does not depict the amount of weight loss or clothing size goals that will be achieved with use of this product. Individual results will vary depending of body type and fitness goals.

Manufactured Exclusively for Size 0 Labs
3133 Fortune Way Suite #4 (nice address)

Well, since this one won’t do the trick for me, I’ll pop some “clen.”

Never heard of it? Get with the program man, they’ve been vaccinating horses with it for years.

We are one desperate bunch ladies, and I don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.

mamaV

Pro anorexia sites are running rampant. We must shut them down quickly and swiftly to save society!

Microsoft steps in and shuts down pro anorexia sites, without a court order. YouTube and Facebook are under the microscope too.

What genius is still beating on this dead drum? 

Don’t tell anyone…but it takes about 5 minutes to set up a new site…hehe…the pro ana’s have their sites back up and running before you can blink. 

Even more scary is there is no logic to this madness.  I overuse this phrase, but I like it; nothing like sticking your head in the sand. And since everyone got really fired up the last time I posted this picture, let’s post it again just for shits and giggles. 

A few stats, which are growing as I type this: 

Google “pro ana” to view over 5 million results

YouTube “thinspiration” hauls in well over 5000 full length videos, a total of 8 uploaded TODAY.

ProAnaThinspo is just an unbelieveable mashup of thin bodies, body parts, stars and real girls that will blow your mind.

How about we face reality think about what the hell we have created here.

On second thought, that sounds like a lot of time and energy. Let’s stick with ‘out of sight, out of mind,’ it’s a lot more convenient, plus I have a lot of shit to buy before Christmas.

-mamaV

Since Pro Ana Privacy is the most visited post these days, I figured it was time for another go around. Especially since I can really feel the love in the comments.

For what it’s worth; I heard a story on the radio that I wanted to share.

A talented young woman recently applied for a job just after she graduated from college. A dream job really, everything she ever wanted. Mom and Dad were so proud.

Little did she know that some pictures that she uploaded to the web many years prior would come back to haunt her.

One in a bikini.
Several in her underwear.

One doing a frickin’ back-bend in her undies.

Not good. No job. Worst of all? No way to remove them – ever.

This thing is permanent girls. It’s called the world wide web and once you CHOOSE to serve yourself up for the taking, you are gone, your privacy is gone, and your future opportunities are at stake.

Think about it next time you want to ask one of your dear ana friends “Do I look fat?”

-mamaV

Thanksgiving is a living hell.

Food. Everywhere, all day long. Endless talk of food, thoughts of food, an eating disordered nightmare.

Thanksgiving is about family and togetherness…but the food takes center stage. When I was in the height of my eating disorder wanted to crawl under the table, pop in some earplugs and hide.

I recall thinking everyone was watching what I was eating. In reality they could have cared less, they were too busy enjoying themselves.

I recall watching others enjoy their food, eyes lit up with excitement when the huge, glistening brown turkey finally landed on the table. As their mouths watered, mine dried up as I calculated the fat grams in my head.

That was then, and this is now.

I spent Thanksgiving first with my parents, for brunch at the house I grew up in. Grandma whipped up the usually 14 course meal.  We grazed as we talked, eating accompanying our lively discussion.

We headed back home in the late afternoon to spend our first Thanksgiving “as a family,”  just the four of us; my husband, and two children. We had beef roast, and pasta, and garlic bread…and homemade apple pie. Our “traditional” favorites since we had no one else to please.

It’s the little things.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-a2mf4ymuY]

Simplicity.

I hope and I pray that one day you to will join me here on the other side.

Where life is about living.

And eating is an afterthought.

Love,

mamaV

 We’ve created quite a little research pool here. The way this community picks apart topics, and analyzes issues is truly commendable. I don’t know about you, but I am still smiling about it, and I am passionate about heading into Year 2 as mamaV.  

I look forward to seeing who is saying what, who is pissed at me today, and what you all believe to be life’s truths. Why? Because it challenges our minds, our thoughts, and opinions. Between you and I, I am one of the most wishy washy people you’d ever meet (stop laughing panda07).

Give me a great debate on a topic and I am most easily swayed. In my personal and business life, I give people WAY too many chances, and I am optimistic to a fault. This personality trait has gotten me burned time and time again, but I keep doing it. I am just wired this way.

BUT, there are a few topics in life I am stone cold set on. It is this side of mamaV you see here and these topics drive the passion behind this blog. 

In the past year, one topic that continually gets debated with great passion is;

WHAT THE HELL IS PRO ANA ANYWAY?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lJmuOPzqcs]

To tell you the truth, sometimes the discussions get my head spinning so much, I really couldn’t tell you. But at the end of the day I always come back to this;

If you are looking for support, don’t lean on others with your same problem.

Trust me, this path is bad news.

I just don’t buy it, and no amount of tongue lashing has torn me away from this opinion. Why girls, for the love of God, would you think that when you have an eating disorder, the direction to head for support is to a bunch of eating disordered women?

You’ll sink deeper.

Faster.

Guaranteed.

Kristi4 is an example of this and her journal serves a very important purpose. Her life message is plain and simple – don’t turn to pro ana forums for support, instead run, as fast as you can, in the other direction. I have refused to edit what I have written about her, much to Josie’s dismay, because I know in my heart I have written this out of kindness, not hatred.

I’ve read Kristi’s journal too many times to count, and I am always left with the same impression. Here was a young woman (she was young, only in her 30′s) trying to lead a pro ana “support” community. Although she was surrounded by others in her same situation, she felt alone, depressed and ultimately suicidal. I can’t help but think if she would have turned outside for help that she may still be here today.

This topic gets to the core of why I do this blog, to create forum for discussion, inspiration, and thoughts beyond your eating disorders. There is a whole life out there waiting for you and I am fighting like hell to help you find it.

So if you find yourself part of the pro ana “support” community, I’d like to know this…..as Dr. Phil would say “How’s it workin’ for ya?”

-mamaV

This woman really needs no introduction. I think we can all listen and learn.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA]

-mamaV

Let’s continue our discussion on Sarah Hartshorne, the size 8 “plus sized” model on America’s Next Top Model, since the first post brought out such great thinking and debate!

Sarah Hartshorne, the too fat for the big time “real model”

Many of you pointed me back to Kerry Elizabeth’s post and suggested I should get my facts straight on this situation before posting about it. True, I did not see the show, my comments came from seeing Sarah speaking on Entertainment Tonight (for the life of me I can’t find it! It’s on youtube somewhere).

Here is what Kerry Elizabeth had to say;

“In the first episode of this cycle she (Tyra) made several comments about how “she (Sarah) wasn’t “plus enough” to be a plus model” that she was “on the thin” side,
but instead of saying “lose weight” to be a high fashion model…or instead of saying “gain weight” to be a true plus size, they are keeping her at her normal weight.

Then they said “if it’s not plus what is she?” and Ms. Jay said “real size modeling” and Tyra said-”i like that, i’m a real size model too!” …..so i guess i dont really see her as saying size 8 is plus.

and on top of that in the first epidsode….Last night’s episode during the deliberation- when they looked at Sarah’s picture, they said they loved her, but it makes them Upset that she’s LOST weight. because its straying away from the idea that she was going to be herself-this “real sized” model. “

so…while i practically am always in favor of your posts and the beliefs behind them…
this is one i dont completely agree with, especially after i’ve watched all of the episodes so far. and i really do believe that Tyra is on our side of this battle..

 Here is my rebuttal:

What is Sarah the “real model” going to be doing after the show?

She is too big to land any “real” modeling jobs, too small to work the plus model circuit so she will need to find a….real job.

For those of you that cringed when I said Sarah is “too big,” why did you? Sarah is the exact size as I am. I know I am not “big,” but I know I am ”too big” to be a model according to today’s standards. Are you able to make this differentiation, or somewhere deep down does this make you feel like you don’t measure up? 

REALITY CHECK: SARAH IS THIN.

Tyra planned this….poorly.

This is a planned ploy. Do you think Sarah was just a random pick for the show? The producers deliberately picked her so they could make this point, and they did a sucky job at it.  No doubt Tyra speaks out about her objection to today’s modeling standards, after all she no longer fits the bill, and she has been berated by the press for it (totally unfair in my view).

Here’s my issue with Tyra- she could be doing so much more, but she is falling back on her modeling roots, and that bothers me. She is placing herself out front and center as a role model, choosing the next top model, yet trying to make this weak side commentary about how things “should be.”

Seems like a totally lame attempt for change, no? 

REALITY CHECK: TYRA IS NOT PUSHING FOR YOU, TYRA IS PUSHING FOR TYRA.

Why are you all watching America’s Top Model?

It would seem to me that this program would not be the best for your psyche when you are dealing with and ED, but hey, that’s just me.

What does attract you to this show? Pure and simple entertainment, or a desire to watch the pretty people and make yourself feel like crap? Just curious.

Bottom line, Tyra needs a new business manager. This girl could work wonders with the right cause, right time, right place.

But hey, who am I to judge. Tyra’s raking in the millions thanks to all of you who tune in each week.

As always, to each her own.

-mamaV

I am often asked my views on the obesity epidemic in this country, and up until now my response has been “different problem, different solution.”

But then, I started thinking how obesity is not a totally different problem – it’s just another form of disordered eating.

We are country full of disordered eaters. Marketers are pumping out new diets to masses, and we gladly fork over $$$ in a pathetic, desperate search for happiness. We accept any and all side effects in order to lose weight, such as the risk of shitting in your pants with a beauty of a drug called Alli.

Why are we at war with our bodies? 

What is an eating disorder anyway?

How much of our desire to be thin is driven by what others think of us?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9JXxOoxH-o]

Holidays are food fests, and Sunday football games are just another reason to fill our faces. When I think of an obese person and a person with an eating disorder sitting through a family event, I visualize the similar thoughts spinning in their heads; 

Should I eat? I will not eat that. Screw it! I’m fat and a loser. Who cares? I’ll eat it, but then fast tomorrow. Or run an extra mile. Or purge. Or….

(All the while the little girl’s ears are keenly tuned into their oblivious Aunts, Grandmas, and even their own Mother gab on and on about their fat asses….the little ones finger rolls of skin underneath their t-shirts and stare at their pie as their new arch enemy).

Sad state of affairs. But do you know what is even more depressing? We don’t support each other. We mock each other, look each other up and down and judge, judge, judge.

C’mon ladies. Women are caddy as hell. We make this situation worse. We revel in a friend or celebrity gaining weight (ie. the slaughter of Britney Spears) and we are green eyed monsters when a friend is looking good.

Why? Is gossip fun? Well, it’s not. Its cruel, and frankly it’s evil. Strong word but necessary.

I’ve had enough of fat jokes. They are not funny. Even the word “fat” is offensive. I prefer overweight, and I have taught my children the same. I have compassion for obese individuals, just as I do for those with eating disorders.

And you should too. Listen to this quite popular blogger talk about fat people and look at the pure satisfaction in her eyes. Why does she get such pleasure from other people’s pain? What have obese individuals done to her?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NllpNPoHTI0]

She states the “skinny” are oppressed. Her argument is a stretch, but ok, she has a right to her opinion. The main reason I point to this young woman is because she reflects the passion behind the divide between the underweight and overweight in this country

And finally, I feel that unless a person’s health is being affected by their weight, so be it. Let ’em be already. I like those with some meat on their bones (lord knows all I do is look at twigs all day for this blog, it gets quite sickening). I say, as long you are happy with yourself inside, awesome, be you. Let’s live LIFE….and everyone get off the FAT attacks.

To quote a phrase from good ole’ Rodney King “can’t we all just get along?”

-mamaV 

*Delibrate Title. Mean spirited stories draw in readers. God forbid someone calls you a fat ass, but when someone else suffers this insult it’s like bring it on!

An Iowa researcher is studying a little-known eating disorder that some doctors may miss: purging disorder.

Though similar to women with bulimia, patients who fit this description don’t binge-eat. Yet they feel compelled to purge, usually by vomiting, even after eating only a small or normal amount of food, said Pamela Keel, the University of Iowa researcher who led a study on the subject.

Visit any pro ana board to see the purging disorder in action, such as this young woman freaking out, asking her cohorts if its ok she ate broccoli……it’s broccoli for goodness sake.

I think we have now just become so completely disordered in our eating habits we don’t even know what is “normal” anymore. No need to really binge to feel guilty, eat just a handful of grapes and its time to let it fly since pro ana’s have made eating a sin.

Keel clearly recognizes this is not a new phenomenon, stating “purging disorder is new in the sense that it has not been officially recognized as a unique condition in the classification of eating disorders. But it’s not a new problem, women were struggling with purging disorder long before we began studying it.”

On the plus side, this is a big step in terms of insurance coverage, since a new classification for purging disorders will bring with it treatment options previously not available. 

Final note, the most interesting part of the study was the comparison made on cholecystokinin, the chemical in our bodies that make us feel full when eating. Women with bulimia has less of this chemical, women with purging disorder had more of this chemical, triggering a feeling of fullness.

This adds validity to the study, and shows the existence of a chemical reason some women actually feel “too full” after eating, but I can’t help but wonder how much of this is psychological.

-mamaV

We have had some healthy debates since the loss of Kristi and the Internet Suicide post. I wanted to thank you all for your heartfelt, pissed off, sometimes angry, sometimes sad comments – I can not thank you enough.

Here is what I have learned about the Pro-Anorexia community, thanks to you.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZNSc0BAxZk]

With that said, I think we need to separate eating disorder sufferers into groups – they are vast and different. We all tend to relate back to our own experiences and this can really limit our perspective. I see the differentiation as follows:

1 Anorexia/Bulimia is a brain disease.

Food and control go hand in hand. The control gained by restricting food intake is done in an attempt to compensate for feelings and emotions that may otherwise seem over-whelming. For some, dieting, bingeing, and purging may begin as a way to cope with painful emotions and to feel in control of one’s life, but ultimately, these behaviors will damage a person’s physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and sense of competence and control.

(Images from documentary THIN by Lauren Greenfield)

Studies show that in some individuals with eating disorders, certain brain chemicals that control hunger, appetite, and digestion are imbalanced. The exact meaning and implications of these imbalances remains under investigation.

Eating disorders often run in families. Current research is indicates that there are significant genetic contributions to eating disorders.

2 Anorexia/Bulimia is a media disease.

Women of today look to models and hollywood for their standard of beauty, thinspiration images fill their heads, and send these individuals on a quest to “be anorexic.”

One does not need to try to be anorexic if they fall into category #1 above. When your eating disorder stems from brain chemicals or genetics, your goal is to try NOT to be anorexic.

In the case of the anorexic wanna-be’s it seems the desire to be thin starts innocently enough but overtime evolves into something more complicated-something I equate to brainwashing.

You know what really scares me? This group seems to dominate the Pro-Anorexia sites and YouTube. Their influence can not be underestimated. Day after day I receive messages from women stating they are drawn to their Thinspiration videos and images even though they know how detrimental they are to their recovery.

3 Anorexia/Bulimia is a family disease.

Not don’t freak out here, I am not pulling the ole’ Giselle theory on you.

By saying “family” I mean to say that many girls can point back to a specific incident or one comment made by a family member and/or friend that seemed to immediately trigger their dieting, which evolved to restricting, purging, exercising and ultimately anorexia.

A grandpa that called you fat.

A sister that compared her thighs to yours.

A mom that dieted incessantly.

A father that spoke of women being fat.

Sound familiar? All too familiar, I hear these stories daily.

It is these types of comments that take us from here:

True Colors by Dove

To here:

THIN documentary

4 Anorexia/Bulimia is a combination of all of the above.

To confuse things more, many of us likely see parts of our disorder in 1, 2, and 3. So how to make sense of it all? I am not sure we need to. Instead focus on indentifying where your disorder stems from, and seek help. Professional help, perhaps supplemented by online forms of support. I do understand the insurance related issues many of you face, but please reach out to NEDA to see if there are free or discounted forms of treatment available.

—

Which brings me to my final thought for the day.

Pro-Anorexia groups are receiving a bad rap…time for a name change. You need to re-invent yourselves into something that is not an immediate RED FLAG to every parent out there, not to mention the media who loves to jump all over you.

Those of you who a receiving support from the Pro-Anorexia sites, namely the Live Journal friends who have posted here, what to you think of differentiating yourself from the pack? I really think this is essential. There is a site called WeBiteBack which may interest you. They call their group post-pro-anorexia.

Check it out and let me know your thoughts,

mamaVISION

(a.k.a. mamaV as I have come to be known by some. So hip.).

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