Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Hi mamaV,

I have recently come across this website and was going to post in the forum but im not sure in ready for the public yet! However I really needed to tell someone how im feeling right now even if they dont respond and something inside tells me that you ‘will get it’.

I have struggled with bulimia since I was 18 and I guess you could say I am still in ‘recovery’. I have just turned 25 and am really trying to understand the way I feel right now and working out if it is normal.

Ok.. so Im at the stage where I am in the normal weight range and I no longer binge or purge on a daily basis. I do on occasion but only if I really feel it is needed. I eat and maintain my weight because I know its the right thing to do but inside I feel more miserable than ever! Its strange because people seem to think that if you are a certain weight then you must be fine but I can’t seem to stop the way my brain thinks.

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Its late. But I couldn’t go to bed without writing about Amy Winehouse. I always found her to be so interesting to watch, she just had that kind of face. Her features so bold, eyes exaggerated with jet black liner, pale skin painted with vibrant tattoos, and that crazy teased hair. I thought she was quite beautiful, even at her worst.

Never new she was bulimic, on top of everything else, but this was reported in the news dating back to 2007. Can you even imagine? What a sad, miserable existence Amy had here on earth.

Let’s say a prayer tonight she is at peace.

Let’s also turn off the tabloid news that is incessantly ripping her to shreds, harping on what a loser she was because she was an addict. Where is the compassion? Can’t people see the pain in an addicts eyes? Why can’t we grasp the fact that no one would choose this life? The poor girl just wasn’t strong enough to beat the damn thing. And then there is her heart broken father, seeing him crying kills me. Daily News is reporting he wrote her eulogy back in 2007, fully expecting her to pass away young.

In order to have compassion in a situation like this, I think it helps to know an addict, on a personal level, because once you do, you will always compare other addicts to your loved one, and feel somewhere inside so very sorry for their suffering. On the ED side of things, well, once you’ve been there you get it. There are no words except its hell, and to picture this lovely talented woman on drugs, drinking herself to death, and vomiting up her meals is almost too much to bear.

Digging around on other blogs I found info that said she was bulimic since her teenage years, and as she was getting healthy she was called fat at size 10. You can’t frickin’ win in this world.

In the picture at the left, she is unrecognizable with her gorgeous, voluptuous body! And no, I know what you are thinking — she does not look GOOD on the right. She looks dead. She looks miserable, and you know very well she is suffering so deeply, so don’t even start thinking you wish you were that skinny.

So back to the prayers. Prayers for peace for this talented young woman and her greiving family, and the loss of a great talent.

mamaV

XO

I heard the news of this commercial Yoplait commercial that was pulled after receiving pressure from the National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) from several people and finally had a chance to see it this morning.

My reaction;

1) No shit this is triggering.

2) The second woman who grabs the yogurt, the one who inspires the first to make her decision on what to eat, looks gaunt, pale, and way thin…nice casting.

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A dear friend of mine sent me this song that you need to hear. This singer has struggled our struggles and she no doubt expresses it in this tune “Control.”

If only we could let it go, you know? It’s like we can gain glimpses of it, but then we slip back into our patterns of incessant worry over all the things that might happen, could be happening, will occur (even when 99% of it never does).

This is why I believe it is essential to surround yourself with people, music, images, and family who “get it” and who make you feel optimistic about yourself and life.

Have a listen, or two, or twenty — and keep your head screwed on straight today.

Lyrics: CONTROL
words and music by Dave and JJ Heller

The cut is deep, but never deep enough for me
It doesn’t hurt enough to make me forget
One moment of relief is never long enough
To keep the voices in my head
From stealing my peace

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Here is a video I recorded for a national effort to spread awareness for eating disorders, you NEED to get involved — if you are comfortable with exposing your self on video of course. Below is more detail on how to submit your video.

In this vid, I am responding to the question; “What do you wish people knew about eating disorders?” (I held it done to 4 min, but could have gone on for an hour, I am sure you relate).

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Not all — but a large population of today’s eating disorders stem from our societies focus on body image and weight.

Let’s face it — our society is nuts.

We accept the fact that “Plus-Sized” models are now size 8-16. We accept the fact that magazines airbrush the living crap out of every single image of women within their pages yet we hold ourselves up to that standard. We accept the fact that kids as young as 4 are dieting (yes that is a f-o-u-r). We accept the fact that more lives are lost because of eating disorders than any other mental illness but God forbid we fork over the $ to treat sufferers. We accept the fact that Pro-Anorexia is a lifestyle that has infiltrated every corner of the web and our solution is to “Shut down those sites!” We accept the fact that dieting moms push their issues on their daughters. We accept the fact that sports require restricting food and water for weight requirements and pure vanity. We accept the fact that fat chat is a daily event that takes place in front of our children with listening ears.

But then we sit and wonder;

What’s wrong with our children? Why are they not happy? Why are they cutting? Why is there so much bullying? Why did that child commit suicide?

It all comes as a shock when you don’t open your eyes and walk around this insane planet for one day and notice how totally destructive our society is to our self image and body image.

Do it — I double dare you. Watch prime-time TV tonight. Google the word “thinspiration.” Open a fashion magazine, pick one, anyone and see the walking dead who are hailed the closest thing to perfect that we’ve ever seen. Browse this list of dead women consumed by their disease. Look at the athletes lost who were more dedicated to their sport than their lives. Take a stroll into Victoria Secret at the mall (actually you don’t even need to step inside since the massive promotional images on the outside of the store include a woman’s ass in a lace thong which is so appropriate).

Then go about your lovely little day. Concerned about your lovely little problems. While your children stick their fingers down their throats within earshot while you pretend to not notice. A burden you say. A frickin burden.

mamaV

XOXOXOXOX

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist or counselor. I am however a woman who has recovered (fully) from her eating disorder and I have been blogging on this topic since 2006 which stands for something. Qualified to make these statements? No. Making them anyway? Yes. Ranking like a lunatic? Absolutely.

The mother of Isabelle Caro, the anorexic French model who died last year, has committed suicide according to Daily Mail. Read the full story about Isabelle here.

‘[Marie] felt guilty for having put my daughter in the Bichat Hospital. My daughter did not want to go to that hospital,’ Isabelle’s step-father Christian told Swiss newspaper 20 Minutes.

In 2008 Isabelle released an autobiography called The Little Girl Who Didn’t Want to Get Fat in which she wrote that her mother appeared to resent her growing up.

What a horribly sad story. There really is not much else to say is there?

mV

XOXO

Knowledge is power.

I support the National Eating Disorder Association, and if you are looking for help NOW they have an awesome ANONYMOUS helpline your can call to chat with someone who gets it.

What do you have to lose?

Just call ‘em will ya?!

Love,

mamaV

XOXO

PS Life is MUCH better on the other side.

Ok, the promos for this new E! show are so totally sensationalized its pathetic…but the show itself, I have mixed feelings about.

First, check out the promo.

The music, the images, the narrator voice — totally over the top. But then I went the E! site to see videos of the actual show and I thought it may have some value. What do you think?

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Meet Sophie Watson.

Quite a lovely, 14 year old girl isn’t she?

(She would be lovelier without those freckles though, don’t ya think? But at least her tattooed eyeliner, eyebrows and lip liner makes her otherwise shallow features stand out).

“I am happy. I just look a lot better, Sophie says.

“I like it now that it is always there and I don’t need to bother with it every morning.”

Her mother, a demented beauty therapist (that’s a new one), said she gave permission for the make-up treatment, according to BBC News.

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Everything is wrong about this story -EVERYTHING (and don’t you dare rip into me about calling this girl anorexic, I don’t even want to hear it, let’s just call a spade a spade already and stop with this PC non-sense).

Ahhh, on to my points;

Healthy Magazine (oh, the irony) has digitally altered a model to appear to weigh more than she actually does. Or as the rest of the articles on this topic are quoting “Skinny Model Airbrushed To Look Fatter”

Irritating. Ridiculous. Just plain wrong.

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See the FaceBook Group here! We are up to 1,200 members!

Tipsters informed us of the location of Oprah’s Inside Rehab program, Shades of Hope Treatment Center in Buffalo Gap, Texas. This treatment facility is where the program “Ruby” was filmed, shown at left with Oprah herself. Read more about it here.

Shades of Hope will be featured on Dr. Oz this Friday during the segment on food addiction. And they are twittering away about it today, so I am thinking they aren’t planning on keeping their involvement a secret.

Here’s what I am wondering, why would a treatment center want to participate in a Reality TV show? If you are so inclined, feel free to contact Shades of Hope and share your feelings. However, I ask that you do NOT go ballistic on these people.

Tell them your feelings in a mature, professional manner so we are viewed as the serious eating disorder community that we are, a group that truly cares and wants to make sure patients are not exploited in any way, shape or form. I understand this is a highly emotional topic, but we really do need to be respectful in order to be heard.

Ok, breathe…..here’s the contact info:

Phone Number: 1-800-588-4673
Mailing Address: P.O. Box 639, Buffalo Gap, TX 79508
Physical Address: 402-A Mulberry Street, Buffalo Gap, TX 79508

Email: Contact Us Form

Here is a video of the owner talking about why she got into this field of work;

Have you been interviewed for the show? If you would like to share your experience email mamavision@gmail.com

Join our FB group working hard to gain the attention of Oprah’s publicity team to let them know our concerns.

WARNING: I DO NOT DO TRIGGER WARNINGS.

For 4 years I have been attempting to educate the public, parents, mental health professionals and anyone else that will listen about pro-anorexia.

Pro-anorexia is the belief that “anorexia is a lifestyle.” Google the terms “proana,” “thinspo” to be sickened. On YouTube, an average of five videos per day are uploaded filled with images, music, and mantras all meant to keep these proana girls motivated on their goal to starve themselves to be like the Hollywood stars they admire.

Most people turn away and tell me “I can’t handle that, but guess what, we must. Others tell me I should be softer, and nicer to celebs who pave the way for girls. Ain’t happenin’

Check out these links to get a sense of what I am talking about here:

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WARNING: THIS POST ABOUT TRIGGER MAY BE A TRIGGER.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0-MGTaPs58]