Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Wrinkles are coming to get me…..

Smile of the day.

Compliments of Feministing

-mV

Alba is the latest photoshop victim, airbrushed into some sort of cartoonish SuperHero version of herself.

A little nip and tuck at the waist, and slim down those chunky thighs please. Those collarbones need to really pop, we want to see bones. Vulptuious breasts must literally be pouring out of the top of the halter dress. Add some slutty red lipstick and a few sexy wisps to the hair – and now one of the world's most gorgeous women is good enough for Campari.

Freaky-ist part? Check out her eyeballs. They moved her damn pupils so she is staring at the camera!

For cripes sake, if this doesn't make you ill, not sure what will.

-mamaV

Kate Winslet rules. She is one of the fearless star moms willing to say it like it is, and practice what she preaches by posingnude without a body double in order to show off her real-ness.

She is garnering a lot of attention for it too, F-Word Blog and People Mag, just to name a few.

"Nobody is perfect. I just don't believe in perfection. But I do believe in saying, 'This is who I am and look at me not being perfect.' I'm proud of that."

Read that a few times my friends.

-mamaV

As women, we fantasize about being someone else.

If only we could be perfect chick, with the ideal bod. The one that makes it all look effortless. You love her and hate her at the same time….and would like nothing more than to be her.

It’s called Perfection Projection. And its total B.S. It will destroy you, if it has not already.

"The habit of comparing ourselves mercilessly to others first forms at this age, and it proves central to the development and continuation of eating disorders and eating-disordered behavior," suggests Courtney Martin in Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters.

Are you like Gina? The willing subject of Martin’s "girl talk" research, who finds herself stating "Sure, she has a nice body. She doesn’t have to worry. It makes me feel self conscience standing next to her."

Well, I got news for you- I was that perfect girl. And it sucked, bigtime.

I was the one everyone hated standing next to. As I entered a room, I was looked up and down by every jealous female, feeling the mean spirited eyes of judgment through their fake smiles, all the while hearing their whispers; "She’s the model. She thinks she’s hot shit. She isn’t that pretty,"

All of it sucked. But more importantly, I never felt perfect. I never had less self esteem than when I was a model. Those six years of my life were the most trying on my self esteem and confidence, which got so low I never thought I would get my groove back.

I dressed down in baseball hats and no makeup for years. I hid my true self for the sake of others insecurities. Perhaps the saddest part is I know why I did it, and I am not sure I would change a thing. I wanted others to be comfortable with me. I didn’t want to stand out in a crowd, in fact after my modeling hell ride, I wanted to fade into oblivion.

We need compassion. True compassion for others. True understanding that there is no perfect, and a commitment to stop striving for it.

If you are longing to be another, you need to look yourself in the mirror today and ask why? Why are you so unhappy with what god gave you that you waste your time absorbed in self comparison.

Your issue is much deeper than your thinner, prettier friend that you wish you could push away from standing by your side.

Love,

mamaV

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I had to post a few images from the inside of the new book My Beautiful Mommy, since a peek inside makes this even more of a joke.

Check this out;

Pea-head Dr. Michael has been pumping some serious iron, and I doubt this dude has 8 legit certifications to hang on his wall.

Here Mommy dreams of being a beauty queen as she assures her little girl she needs to be prettier. Are you fricken kidding me?

Here Mommy explains in her half shirt and flat stomach how she is going to have a bandaged tummy and nose. Um…where exactly is this fat that is going to be removed from her midsection?

The author has stated this book was written partially for women who undergo surgery after pregnancy… but doesn’t explain what a nose job has to do with post pregnancy. What a total farce.

Sometimes I think I am in the twilight zone. Am I alone here?

-mamaV

New book on the market, just in time for Mother’s Day!

My Beautiful Mommy  is saving children from the psychological damage that occurs when their mom goes under the knife and comes back home unrecognizable. 

New nose, new boobs, a few tucks here and there…it ain’t mommy no more is it?

Totally warped cover of My Beautiful Mommy

According to Newsweek, The target market for this genius creation kids ages four to seven and features a plastic surgeon named Dr. Michael (a musclebound superhero type) and a girl whose mother gets a tummy tuck, a nose job and breast implants. Before her surgery the mom explains that she is getting a smaller tummy: “You see, as I got older, my body stretched and I couldn’t fit into my clothes anymore. Dr. Michael is going to help fix that and make me feel better.” Mom comes home looking like a slightly bruised Barbie doll with demure bandages on her nose and around her waist.

The text doesn’t mention the breast augmentation, but the illustrations intentionally show Mom’s breasts to be fuller and higher. “I tried to skirt that issue in the text itself,” says Salzhauer. “The tummy lends itself to an easy explanation to the children: extra skin and can’t fit into your clothes. The breasts might be a stretch for a six-year-old.”

The book doesn’t explain exactly why the mother is redoing her nose post-pregnancy. Nonetheless, Mom reassures her little girl that the new nose won’t just look “different, my dear—prettier!”

I am all for parents spending the time to explain to their children why they are compelled to beautify themselves, since why should the child suffer the consequences.  But the cover….c’mon.

I know from experience, children are very sensitive to how a parent looks, and they seriously react if a parent’s look changes. For me, my son used to freak when I took off my glasses, its like he did not even recognize me. He would look up at me, kind of scared, and I was surprised by that. Even today, if I pop in contacts for a night out, both kids say “mom, you look weird, we like you with your glasses.”

A few other random thoughts to ponder:

What do you think about the word “Beautiful” in the title? There’s all sorts of twisted things I start thinking about here, especially for daughters who are likely to start thinking beautiful equals fix, cut and change.

Remember the show The Swan? I read a story about one of the contestants that could not adapt to her new beautiful face, and regretted her decision since she ended up feeling like she lost her family heritage and connections because she looked so drastically different than her mothers and siblings. I never really thought of this as a consequence of plastic surgery, did you?

I am rambling here, but I felt like bringing up various topics for discussion. Plus it’s Friday and I am wiped out, looking forward to the weekend.

Love you all,

mamaV

Miss Bimbo is an online beauty contest designed around our society. I am amazed at the total freak out over this game, especially since we created this world, we feed it so now marketers are cashing in on it.

Pure capitalism at it’s finest.

Launched in February 2008, Bimbo is so popular, their servers crashed and the creators can’t even keep up with the demand, so here is the basic concept per Wikepedia;

“The aim of the Miss Bimbo beauty contest game, which was launched in the United Kingdom in February 2008, is to make your virtual “bimbo” attractive and famous. Players create a virtual persona and compete against other players to earn “bimbo” dollars. These dollars are used to take one’s character partying or to purchase new clothes. The players are given assignments, such as gaining plastic surgery at the game’s clinic to give their character bigger breasts. They used to have to keep their character at its target weight using diet pills, however, due to the massive negative media attention it has received, that option has been eliminated.”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnctjTF4cuo]

Nicolas Lacquart, the creator of Bimbo defends his game stating the mission is to teach children about the real world. Not sure I want this dude teaching my kids anything, but I have to hand it to him because it is absolutely right.

We reap what we sow.

-mamaV

————–

Fun Facts About Our Beauty Deranged Society:

$1.3 billion is spent on Botox annually

Breast implants have become gifts from parents to their teenage daughters.

Dreaming Girl’s Fantasy plastic surgery hospital in China serves patients seeking a extensive head to toe cosmetic reworking.

The Miss Plastic Surgery competition in Beijing awarded the grand prize to a plastic beauty boasting 10 surgical procedures.

MTV’s I Want A Famous Face and The Swan are only two of the many reality shows dedicated to plasticising.

Hollywood pops “clen,” a deadly steroid for horses to treat asthma.

Dr. Vail Reese, an LA dermatologist hosts the “Skinnies Awards” designed to rip on celebrities with less than perfect complexions.

More more read Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuszynski

Video commentary on the Faces of Pro Ana saga that occured over the weekend. Videos are a bit choppy, but I am busy as heck and I wanted to get these posted.

 [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKodYgNRCWk]

Part 2 (camera died on me!)

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3u0Mi6NTMU]

 Looking forward to your response,

-mamaV

I thought I’d help Josie drive some traffic to her cute, little post on My Pro Ana Hero!

This is my ~ThInSpIrAtIoN~

That’s me by the way, 21, skinny and miserable, sent to Miami by my NY agent to shoot with some pervert photographer. I ate nothing for 3 days until my self discipline broke and I mowed down a box of Total cereal, then hit the pool for a marathon swim. Good times.

Hey, I feel that spark coming back!

Look out Josie!

-mamaV

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=uJyHFl1ox8U]

Tipster Izzy directed to me to Faces of Pro Ana  (fixed the link it works now). I guess I am not the only one swiping images of Pro Ana girls on public web sites and displaying them to make a point.

I personally think this one holding the skull is particularly creative.

Sunday 3/30 1:30pm picture removed per request of individual shown. 

Can this get anymore psycho? Or is today’s youth so bored that they cling on to some grim reality for the shock factor?

Honestly, this is getting so tired. I didn’t think I would ever say this, but after nearly two years of blogging on this topic I have no idea why I am doing this. 

-mamaV

This video response was posted to me from YouTube regarding the Internet Suicide post. I feel this individual articulates a point of view that is worth sharing because she speaks as an outsider coming into a pro ana community, and being caught off guard on what she finds.

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=GFyjHGUE3bU]

Thoughts?

mamaV 

Sisters Erin and Jean, publishers of REAL magazine call themselves “Inspired Realists.”

That sure has a nice ring to it.

Download REAL magazine here!

The first issue of REAL magazine is wrapped in a fantastic design featuring an funky, elegant, witch, beauty queen. Inside, the creativity explodes with unique articles such as “Harajuku Girls” (brought to fame by Gwen Stefani), and “Happy or Hungry?” a must read for all mamaV fans.

They even resurrect the tired old phrase “Beauty is skin deep,” with their insightful piece that challenges the reader to understand their own beauty perceptions with a self poll that is sure to make you stop. Think. And rethink.

The only slight disappointment I had in REAL magazine is the editors were sucked into the same photo-shopped pro ana pictures I have fallen for in the past, with their showcase article “Hot, Blonde, Famous and Rich.”

I’m not sure how these two Aussie’ s, just 18 and 20, managed to gather so much wisdom so quickly, but they amaze me. I’m not the only one they have impressed.  The funds for this debut issue was provided by Rushworth Community House. Visit their myspace page to donate to the next issue. 

Hmmm…they even managed to coax me out of my funk. 

I’M BACK BABY!

-mamaV

Download REAL magazine here!

Girls live and breathe fashion. It’s part of our chemistry. We love to decorate ourselves, pose in the mirror, chat endlessly about the latest style of clothes, handbags, shoes, accessories, you name it. We couldn’t look away from fashion if we tried. We are a captive audience for fashion designers.

Fashion designers demand models resemble “human clothes hangers.” This stick thin look is deemed the only one worthy of showcasing their art.  To achieve this ultimate draping effect for their designs, designers have deliberately shaved the size of clothing down, inch by inch, to a size that never existed before. Size zero. Then double zero.

Size 0 is the average waist size of an 8 year old girl. 

An average fashion model stands 5’9 and weighs in around 100 lbs. 

Four fashion models have dropped dead in the past year and a half.  

Dead not from anorexia, but emaciation. A condition the World Health Organization (WHO) classifies as two levels beyond anorexia. A malnourished body state that is incomprehensible, one generally reserved for impoverished, desperate human beings suffering in Third World Countries. This unfortunate population is sadly susceptible to the horror of starvation, so why are young, wealthy, once vibrant women of the fashion industry succumbing to such a fate?

Luisel Ramos

Struck by a heart attack as she stepped off runway, Luisel Ramos was the first to die in the hands of the fashion industry. Lettuce and Diet Coke were the only foods Luisel was willing to consume for three months prior to her death, since she was told she needed to trim her slim frame in order to stay in the runway game. [1]

Dead: August 2, 2006
Age: 22
Height: 5’9
Weight: 98lbs.

Anna Carolina Reston
Discovered at 14, dead at 21. When this grown woman reached 88 pounds her body gave up. Friends and family recall Ana’s two year slide into the eating disordered world clearly started after being called “fat” when auditioning for a modeling job in China. According to Journalist Laura Ancona, Reston’s health condition was common knowledge. “Everyone knew she was ill,” she says. “the other girls, the agencies, everyone. Don’t believe it when they say they didn’t.”[2] After 21 days fighting for her life in ICU with her dear family at hear side, Ana died from multiple organ failure, hair in patches, a tube down her throat, and tears in her eyes since she was unable to even speak.

Dead: November 15, 2006
Age: 21
Height:5’8”
Weight: 88lbs 

Eliana Ramos
Eliana starved herself to death, just as her sister Luisel did six months earlier. She too suffered a heart attack, at age 18. She was buried with minimal fanfare from the fashion industry, or anyone else for that matter.

Dead: February 13, 2007

Age: 18

Height: 5’9”

Weight: not reported

Hila Elmalich

Perhaps most disturbing, is the drawn out death of Hila Elmalich. Long time friend, fashion photographer Adi Barkan, video recorded Emma’s disturbing life and eventual death. The still images of Emma collapsed in Ade Barkan’s arms are a bit to real to bear. After years of struggling to beat her anorexia, Hila passed away on her 34^th birthday.

Dead: November 14, 2007

Age: 34

Height: 5’6

Weight: 60lbs.

You are cordially invited to call, email, and generally piss off the royal Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) as we count down the days to New York Fashion Week starting February 1st, 2008

Logo and Image from the new CFDA website, nice skeleton.

These are the morons that launched the lamest “health initiative” to date. This was your basic cover their ass strategy devised after four, count em’ 4, models died in the past year and a half.

Not from anorexia, but emaciation (that’s two levels PAST anorexia) according to the World Health Organization.

Deceased models from left: Hila, Luisel & Eliana Ramos (yes they are sisters), and Ana.

I’ve had a great time calling over the past year, paying them an undercover visit back in May, and most recently actually getting a hold of a live person on the phone which knocked me off my chair (although she was quite snippy).

Director of Public Relations, Karen Petersen, took the time to speak to me only to quickly rush me off the phone. She was unwilling to provide any update on their year old iniative (my guess is because there is none), and then briskly assured me I would hear back from her PR Manager Danielle Billingkoff.

No word yet and not holding my breath. Not good PR ladies.

I don’t want you to have to google their number, since they conveniently left it off their web site, so here it is:

Phone number 212-302-1821

Oh, and in order to contact the CFDA you have to hunt their web site, it’s buried in the damn site map, nice:

Email form here

Feel free to ask them to call me back, they have my number. Or, simply ask them questions of your own, like “what the hell have you done in the year since you launched your CYA strategy?”

Here’s me doing some stalking of my own.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsDBlhqMUHM]

2008 is starting out with a bang. Here’s a highlight of some leaders in the effort to bring some real, healthy, interesting perspective on beauty:

Real Magazine

Fed up with “Impossible Princesses,” Erin Young, 20 set out to create Real Magazine debuting this month in Australia. Her 18 year old sister Jean, joined in the effort, and together  they set up the magazine with funds from the State Government and distributed more than 5000 copies. The girls, from Stanhope, in north-central Victoria, are seeking sponsors for the second issue.

“I just wanted to be thinner. Even though I was so skinny I still thought I was fat. Every one of my friends in high school had some level of eating disorder and was worried about the way they looked,” Ms Young said as she explained her motivation behind her magazine.

Indigo

Indigo founder Leanne Koster with cover girl Gemma Patista, 14, at home in Barwon Heads.
Photo: Drew Ryan

Mother of two Leanne Koster founded Indigo, a glossy magazine for girls aged 10 to 14, with the catchline “Giving Girls a Voice”.  More than 250 schools have taken out subscriptions, and many of the stories — tackling topics such as cyber-bullying, self-esteem and fashion — are written by girls whose mothers are thrilled with a positive media role model.

Reality Diaries

It appears Dove is in it for the long haul, defining real beauty, creating the term “pro-age”, and now Reality Diaries. Their goal is to reach 5 million women by 2010.

The diaries follow the lives of several young women and highlight their struggles with self esteem, body image, and beauty. I’d like to see the production of this a bit less polished, but overall I think the message is great.

Are you media smart? Do the quiz, it’s kind of interesting (you should know that Dove is owned by Unilever, a company that owns several other beauty brands for both men and women. Some have issues with this, I do not, but I like to point it out since this topic tends to come up with I post about Dove).

Girl Scouts

The good ole’ Girl Scouts are still plugging along, strong as ever after 95 years. That’s really incredible if you think about it.

If you are not a Scout, join.

If you are, get more involved.

If you are a mom, be a leader.

The highlight of my year is when I lead my daughters troop for a week at camp. The sharing and experiences that happen out in the wilderness are something to be experienced. There still is something about getting away from it all that puts things in perspective.

So who do you think is doing a good job fighting for the “real beauty” cause?

-mamaV

Who ventures out without makeup? If not, why not?

[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=2qmi_jdb4qc]

One of my friends recently told me her mothers perspective of makeup was that it only covers up your natural beauty,  that is why you look so “weird” to yourself without it. This was kind of a religious perspective against makeup, which I don’t buy, but I thought it was interesting none the less.

When I head out of the house, I generally don’t think all that much about what my face looks like, especially if I am going to the grocery store, Target, who cares really?  What have I got to hide?

When I do wear it, I generally find myself digging through my purse at stoplights. It’s just kind of a hassle, and I hate taking time to put it on. Sure, I like how I look with some makeup on, I just need it to be quick and easy.

In modeling, we weren’t allowed to wear makeup. This is why I crack up at ANTM, the girls are all jazzed up and made to believe they will need this skill in the modeling world. Magazines and photographers want to see you “clean faced,” nothing to hide behind, so the whole facade Tyra creates is bogus.

I always find it sad when I hear of a woman that won’t leave the house without makeup, or someone is so totally overdone while out shopping, that I wonder how long they spent in front of the mirror analyzing their imaginary imperfections. We put alot of pressure on ourselves don’t we?

Where do you  fit into this picture?

mamaV

I stumbled upon a book last weekend, Beauty Junkies by Alex Kuczynski. The stories told by this New York Times Style reporter are literally stunning.

Alex worked the beauty beat for years, in one of America’s most plastic obsessed cities, riddled with wannabes from all ages, and lifestyles. She tells of male lawyers obsessed with botox injections, because they need to have that perfect “poker face” in court.

Botox injections are recommended no more than every 6 months, but these dudes rotate dealers, I mean doctors, every 8-9 weeks for their necessary fix.

Liposuction for the feet, botox in the wrinkles of the palms. I wish I was kidding.  

And I know all about Body Dismorphic Disorder, but I suspect that in the majority of cases Alex details in her book, BDD is not the culprit. Our good old friend Self Esteem is lacking in these individuals, and lacking badly.

Take Mrs. X, the wife of a powerful Hollywood Executive (she refrained from revealing her real name). She manages her daily schedule around  primping and pumping needs. “It is her profession, hobby, passion, and primary relationship,” Alex explains. 

Hairdresser: 2 times per week for color, style, stripping, you name it.

Exercise: Daily tennis for toning

Skin: Self Tanner (separate one for face, body and hands), once a week a facialist steams her pores and gently squeezes them, Marina Chicet Brain Lipid Serum slathered on the face daily to allow the cow brain extract to conceal her wrinkles.

Water: Only Penta, due to the high-energy sound waves that are used to make this water more hydrating than any other.

Vitamins: Murad Wet Suit to build collagen, and a cup of probiotic blue-green algae each morning for who the hell knows what.

Nails: Twice per week, buffed not polished, for a younger look.

State of Mind: Rolfing treatments in a series, not sure how many sessions that includes.

Makeup: She does not leave the house, without a professional appling her makeup. Oh, and her makeup artist has an assistant.

Teeth: Cleaned every 8 weeks, natural ones are whitened, veneers replaced annually

Eyebrows: Tweezed and tinted every other week.

Eyes: Lasik perfect.

Doctor visits: monthly, utilizing various techniques including Gore-Tex, Botox, collagen, Retylane, Artecoll.

Plastic surgeon visits: consultations 3 times per year, about 1 surgery annually.

Procedures done: liposuction, tummy tuck, two variations of a brow lift and face lift, upper eyes, lower eyes, implants twice (first batch were not large enough).

And finally – Labiaplasty. Yep, trimming and tucking of the vagina, you know, to make them “neat and tidy” as Mrs. X explains. Labiaplasty happens to be the fastest growing area of plastic surgery. You can even have lipo on the pad of fat on the top of your vagina, making wearing tight dresses much easier! (Quote from a plastic surgeon not me!)

I am exhausted just thinking about this woman’s schedule. Exhausted, and so very sad for her. This quote encompasses her lack of self worth in a nutshell.

Alex asks her ” Is it difficult to be the wife of a powerful guy in Hollywood?

“How do you mean,” Mrs. X inquires.

“Do you ever wish you had a career?” Alex states.

There is a briefest of pauses.

“No, because I was never really going to be that good at anything,” she says. “Or at least I was never going to be so good at anything that I would have made a difference.”

 Damn, I am glad to be me.

-mamaV

Vanity. No limit to the insanity.

I have been pondering this topic for quite a while, so when I read about a pair of $18,000 blue jeans in 944 Magazine, I blew a gasket.

“The diamonds set in white 14K gold on the back pockets depict snow on 7th Avenue, as it would be during the holidays,” according to Chasi Prasad, Wynn’s Bishop of Seventh co-founder. (What is ole’ Chasi smokin? And can I have some? I wanna see the winter wonderland.)

Bottomline: We just have too damn much money on our hands.

I am in Sin City, Las Vegas, at the Hard Rock of all places. Sex, beauty, money, and glamour rules here. Yeah, it’s fun to watch, but at the end of the day, it makes me very sad because I don’t get it.

Ladies, do we really need a $20, 000  designer handbag?

Martha strutting into court with her now famous Hermes bag. (Rent here)

Is it crucial to have a diamond encrusted ass?

Do we need to have liposuction on our feet to fit into Jimmy Choos? 

Jimmy Choo addicts can’t live without several pairs of these babies.

Are we really this pathetic? I use the word pathetic, in a nice way, if that’s possible. Pathetic because this screams “I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM.”

Why? Because its just so totally over the top, and selfish, I can’t take it.

How in the hell do you march up and down the street in such silly clothing and accessories without noticing the homeless guy sleeping against his shopping cart?

Sure, we all deserve nice things. We work hard for our money, it’s ok to spend it, but what happened to spending wisely?

This is way the hell out of hand.

-mamaV