Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Hi Gang! I was asked to participate in a study for the Department of Sociology at the University of Cambridge regarding Eating Disorder Memoirs. The survey is quite interesting, and it only takes a few minutes, so if you would like to be a part CLICK HERE.

If you do take the survey, please leave me a comment here, I am curious to see how many of us will take it.

As I went through the survey, the main thing that struck me was how many eating disorder memoirs there are! I would guess there are over 50 on the list. I found that I have not read very many (probably because I spend so much time on this blog and elsewhere on the web communicating with people on the subject).

I would also be curious to know how many of these books you have read….5, 10, 50?? Maybe its time to write your own!

mamaV

Hi Girls! I have to apologize for the issues that have occurred on the blog. I moved to a new blog platform and as a result several things broke, which took me forever to fix! Anyway, I welcome you back to the blog and open forum, I miss reading your discussions and comments — and I hope you miss the posts.

Also, since I launched the other blog (WeAreTheRealDeal) in July 2009, my focus shifted to get the thing off the ground, and as a result mamaV blog suffered. I am so sorry for this and you have my commitment that I am back in action! This time period made me realize how dedicated I am to eating disorders, and to helping those of you struggling.

mamaVISION has always been an active, fun, interesting, helpful resource and I am dedicated to keeping it that way. Here’s what I need from you:

1) Post ideas – what do you want to discuss?

2) Tips – send me any news tips you think are relevant, I try to post them fast

3) Friends – let friends know about this resource, many girls log on anonymously so I am not able to include them on this email message.

4) Truth – tell me what you like and don’t like about the blog, I want to hear it.

5) Sign up for the RSS feed, of course this broke too so you are likely not receiving updates from me.

I hope you are all well, talk to you soon!
mamaV

Now that I am done hyperventilating over this situation, I think I am in a half way reasonable state of mind to write this post about the Diesel Be Stupid ad campaign, sent to me by the mother of a 14-year-old daughter who was subject to this ad from Nylon Magazine.

Read full story here and comment

Porn Star & Tiger Woods Mistress #6?

Why do I give a rip about Tiger Woods? The whole thing bugs the hell out of me. I’m not a golfer, or a fan of the guy, but he represents someone who appeared to be a class act. To find out he is a sleaze ball is just flat-out disappointing (today reports are out linking him to a porn star, good god.

KID’S PERSPECTIVE

As I watched the story on the news with my 9-year-old daughter, she immediately looked up at me and said;

“Mama, I thought Tiger was a good guy.”  Of which I responded “I did too. As did the rest of the world.”

From there we went on to talk about how there are role models in our culture

If a guy you like takes a picture like this of himself - run for your life.

who live vastly different lives than we do. Lives surrounded by incredible wealth, fueled by fame, ego and plain greed. I have told her a few of my Paris stories (toned down versions) in an effort to help her be what I call “street smart,” and to know within herself her integrity is EVERYTHING.

THE WIFE

We went on to talk about Tiger’s wife, Elin Nordegren. A woman who obviously stayed with a cheating husband, even while pregnant, and was reportedly renegotiating her pre-nup to up the ante a few million as long as she stays with the scumbag

(BREAKING NEWS: SHE MOVED OUT! AMEN)

Perhaps she is going to take her $5M from the prenup and run. Wouldn’t it be just awesome if Elin called a press conference and said;

“I’m leaving with my kids, my $5M, and my dignity. Tiger can stick the rest of his money where the sun doesn’t shine, and  try to get out of this mess he created for himself. He now is free to share his boatloads of money and bed with the multiple bimbo queens who are continuing to come out of the woodwork. My life has already moved on.

Damn! Why doesn’t any woman of this celebrity do this?? Has there been one that I am not thinking of?

It kills me. We need to stand up for ourselves. I for one would never, ever stand for this crap. Infidelity = ByeBye

THE BIMBOS

And here is my other take way from this horrible situation — perhaps the most relevant for this audience (and before you freak about me calling them “bimbos” read the type of stuff being released to the media. Hint: sexting , lack of condom usage, and descriptions of his “well endowed anatomy. Does it get any TACKIER than this?).

BREAKING NEWS: PORN STAR CLAIMS AFFAIR WITH TIGER

All of these women are downright gorgeous, with “perfect” bodies many would die for.  Even they get cheated on. Their perfect bodies do not bring them love. Their beauty is not a shield that protects them from experiencing hurt, shame, and flat-out crushes to their self-esteem.

Remember this the next time you glance at a woman who appears to “have it all.” It’s a facade, so stop your admiration and wishful thinking that you too will have that thin body someday, and then everything will be sunshine and rainbows.

Your missing the point of life.

While the moments slip you by, you are stuck on the size of your thighs.

It’s nothing but a crock-o-shit,

-mamaV

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I have had the craziest week, no time to post, sitting here lol at these sites I read in Wired so I figured I’d share;

Look At This F-ing Hipster (these dudes got a book deal out of this)

People of Walmart (I am headed out to my local store, honestly — the place is a freak show)

Passive Aggressive Notes

The “Blog” of unnecessary” Quotation Marks

That’s about all the hilarity I can take for the night folks,

Enjoy!

mV

Brown apologized for beating the living crap out of his girlfriend Rhianna.

Took him 5 months.

The apology self-preservation video is nothing more than a career saving move. His expression fake, while he read from a teleprompter for goodness sake.

HERE'S THE REAL DEAL GIRLS:
1) If he hits you once – he will do it again. Statistics prove it again and again.

2) Brown's fan base is teenagers, primarily young girls. Do you think parents of these young women are really going to drive their beloved daughters to see some scumbag girl beater? Not happening.

3) In know, I know – Brown came from a family of domestic violence (as did Rhianna). Then he should have seen the warning signs, and did something about it prior to the incident.

Do you really think a person goes from 0 to 60 in an instant?

No way.

This dude has been brewing for a while, probably pushing and slapping, and spouting verbal abuse – all while telling himself and his girlfriend it was "no big deal."

It is a big deal isn't it Chris? Your fresh faced-million dollar career is in the toilet and it's not coming back.

Here's the message:

ANY physical contact between a couple, friends or family members is not acceptable.

No one touches you.

No one.

You hold this level of respect for yourself and you will get it.

No exceptions.

-mV
XO

I recently was interviewed for this ParentsCanada feature story on eating disorders.

For those of you who don’t know my real name is Heather, in the article I share some of my worst struggles with an ED during the hell-ish modeling days in Paris.

I don’t miss the baby food
Or the 3 hour workouts,
Or feeling like shit about myself
Or analyzing every-single-imperfection on my entire face and body even though there were none.

Thank god that I came out the other side alive, healthy, happy, and only semi-neurotic. The anxiety freak is still in me, but tamed….I’ve grown to like her.

Do I think I will ever go back there?

No way in hell.

There is literally no way in hell.

Never ever did I visualize I would live to see that day that my every waking hour wasn’t spent crisis-ing about what I put in my mouth, what I weighed, or how I was being judged. It took six years of heavy duty  deprogramming to erase the brainwashing my psychotic modeling agents thrust upon me as a mere child, the ones who rigged the scale, told me to not eat, prodded me to be sexier, to get a boob job, to build up my shoulders, and to continually pound my body into the sand for the love of fashion.

But I beat them, and I beat my evil ED.

And you can too, with dedication, commitment, and a positive attitude.

Pick yourself up each time you fall down, and sooner or later you will find you are standing tall with a free spirit and soul that is just waiting for what life has to offer.

.mV

We live in an insanely eating disordered society.

A society that is so totally out of control that we have 9 year old girls dieting, models dropping dead from anorexia, and fat people being treated as if they are a piece of crap. Yet, the world keeps spinning, brands keep pumping out the B.S and we keep on sucking it up as fast as they create it.

Our fear of fat drives young women to choose death over fat.

Losing their parents over fat.

Even cancer over fat.

Is that ok with you?

You’ve got to stand for something.

This is all too much for me. I am not one to sit around watching this madness unfold and act like this is ok. So – I fire off my blog posts and hope it matters. Maybe my thoughts change a few attitudes here and there, makes a few women think before they criticize another, or possibly stops you from weighing in on your worthiness today. And maybe, just maybe, a few lives lives are changed in the process.

At least I would like to believe so.

What I care about;

Children and how they are impacted by our demented media and fashion industry.

Women who are wasting their lives hating themselves and their bodies for absolutely no reason.

Mothers that are so sucked into body hate that they knowingly impact their children but do not know what to do about it.

Men and fathers who feel lost when it comes to helping
their wives and children with self esteem and positive body image.

Anyone who feels degraded in a society where we discriminate based on weight and we have allowed our fear of fat to completely control our universe.

What I write about:

I write about the what I believe are the culprit(s) -

Media, fashion, celebrity culture, plastic surgery, the diet industry, the cosmetic industry and everything else in between. If I knock some sense into a few people here and there, I’m happy.

If you think I am full of it, rant away.

Why I blog:

To influence change, a different line of thought; hopefully help you think different when you page through a fairy-tale fashion magazine.

To be a voice of reason for our brainwashed young women and girls (thank you for all the emails of support telling me this matters – keep ‘em coming, even I get down sometimes and need a boost!)

To debate. I love a good debate, differing points of view…we can all learn something, including myself. I always read your comments and stay in the conversation after I post (I’ve always hated that when a blogger posts and then you never hear from them again on the thread of comments – I like to be part of the discussion – and it gives me a chance to admit when I am wrong!)

And I have always promised myself that if the day comes where I am no longer passionate about these topics – I’ll quit, cold turkey.

Why it matters:

One of the coolest things about blogging is it brings together individuals from various backgrounds and experiences, to discuss topics sometimes civilly and other times not so nice. Without the community of people that come together to read, this blog is nothing, its just a big pile of me babbling, so I thank you for reading and responding (stop lurking already and post your comments already)

Your life is now.

-mV

I've noticed that the eating disordered types tend to not get pissed off. At least not in front of anyone of value in their lives.

Perfection is the reoccurring theme.

Gotta please everyone or the world will come to an end.

Unworthiness tends to be the reason stated for such a lack of confidence….but what happens to anger?

This post is about how to get angry.

And then use that anger to your advantage. Use it to get motivated. Use it to get off your butt and stand up for yourself.

These thoughts are brought to you by Green Day, my all time favorite band, the one that makes me act like a groupie, screaming my heart out.  Their sound is hard, rough, punk-ish – and really, really pissed off.

The guys that reamed out Walmart for banning their latest CD because it was a bit to REAL for them. The ones that are coming to Chicago in July and my husband got sixteenth row tickets because I told him to spare no expense so he went to a broker and got them for a small fortune but worth every penny.

I can't get enough of it, and the odd thing is the music relaxes me.

I blare their loud as hell tunes in my car or on my iPod while I work, and my brain goes into some sort of trance as I visualize all the wrong doing in my life both real and imaginary. I mean, when a song starts with the line "I'm not f-ing around," you know these punks are speaking our language!

They make me float way to la-la land so I can lambaste all the boneheads in my life that are full of crap yet they have the power. All the suits from the past that were so totally out of line and ignorant, yet I had to play their game, while I devised a scheme to stick it to em. Sort of.

So what is your deal?

Who are you pissed off at?

When do you let yourself blow?

And most of all – do you allow yourself to think, even for a moment, that perhaps you are not the one that is wrong? Maybe you have a good head on your shoulders and the role models in your life suck?

Think about it.
Then find your way to let off steam.
You'll be one hell of a lot better for it.

And maybe, just maybe, you will start to realize you have one hell of a lot to offer, and you will stop wasting your life trying to please all the losers in this world.

-mV

XO

PS Catch Green Day TONIGHT on the Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien 10:30CST/11:30EST – UPDATE HERES THE VIDEO…kinda super mellow version of them, guess they had to tone it down for the mass audience.

I am finally ready to post about male eating disorders; thanks to my husband finding the book Skinny Boy by Gary Grahl at the library a few weeks back.

Gary Grahl is from Wisconsin…kind of freaky since the last book I
read Purge, was also written by a Wisconsinite. Plus he attended UW
Milwaukee – just as I did. That combined with the many references to
the Milwaukee Brewers, and Grahl's one time idol Jim Gantner, made me
feel like he was my neighbor going through this tragic hell.

Man, does Grahl have a story to tell.

You'd think I have read it all, heard it all, seen it all – but this one threw me for a loop.

It seems guys are burdened with the ole' perfection gene that us girls are, but in this case the body image focus was on sports, extreme (and I mean extreme) exercise,  literally working the human body so far beyond its capabilities…that Grahl is damn lucky to be alive.

I thought I was exercise obsessed back in the day, but I've got nothing on this guy;

- Grahl describes the pure panic he felt during inpatient when unable to exercise…but he still found a way to burn calories by flexing calf muscles and abs continually while seated.

-The bathroom was a regular exercise retreat, where he managed to burn the maximum number of calories within 3 minutes by frantically jumping, pushing, and lifting at a pace that defies all logic.

-Near the end Grahl is literally fighting this disease so hard, that he lost complete and total control of all bodily functions, and describes in grotesque detail what that experience was like. This section of the book took my breath away. I debated even reading it, and when I did, I wish I hadn't, but its probably good I did.

Because that is how ugly this disease is.

Throughout the book Grahl has an inner dialog with this "IT", a style I liked because it made me drop down inside this guys head and really get what he was feeling. IT was basically his perfectionist stalker…demeaning him at every turn, and convincing him that he was worthless (sound familiar anyone?)

Thank god he came out the other side, alive and well….only to go on to get married, have children, and help others suffering as he did. Grahl was so courageous to publish his personal story, and I am convinced his words are helping many others.

Another great read,

mV

NY Times reported today the findings of a 15-year study of young girls in Denmark, which immediately sent me into a tizzy.

The average age of
breast development has fallen by a full year compared to girls studied
in the early 1990s, as reported in the this months Pediatric Journal.

The culprit? Chemicals.

Chemicals that "mimic estrogen"
Chemicals that are known to cause cancer.
Chemicals that screw up the endocrine system of human beings.

Kinda like the chemicals that were used to make that plastic water bottle you are sucking out of right now. And the lunch you nuked in the microwave today. The one that is it is found in the lining of nearly every soft drink and canned
food product. Oh, and that makeup slathered on your face, don't even get me started.

Hmmm…could this be why breast cancer has gone through the roof? And the reason why girls are 9 feet tall these days?

"The concern is that early puberty is linked with higher breast cancer risk in adulthood," the study revealed.

Well, la-dee-fricken-da….what an amazing finding! Are we insane? Who the hell approves this stuff?

Shouldn't the warning bells go off when you are packing Coca-Cola into bottles made with "estrogen-like-cancer-causing" materials?

Nope.
Use 'em.
Get 'em out
Pump out production
Keep this wheel-a-turning.

Chemical paranoia has been one of my hobbies for a while now, having kids does that to you. We manage to afford non-nuclear milk, eggs, and sometimes meat. Strawberries are organic only, and our lawn is a dandelion field.

Hopefully this got you thinking about how you can preserve your well being in this oh-so- lovely-world we live in.
-mV

I read this book in two days.

It arrived in my mailbox on Friday, I started reading it Saturday, and last night I stayed up way the heck too late to finish it.

Generally, it takes me a few months to finish a book, partly because I usually have two or three going at the same time, and I am a slow reader. But this one would not leave me be.

PURGE, rehab diaries by Nicole Johns is not for the weary.

This is a raw, brutally-honest, grotesquely detailed novel. The pages resonate pent up anger, unsettled circumstance, and disgustingly-gross-but-real purging episodes described in painful detail.

Damn, it's good – because it is so real.

John's takes the reader through her experience as a size 9, EDNOS patient,  living for a summer in an Eating Disorder Center in Milwaukee (my home town, which made this reading more intriguing, because literally drive past the places she refers to throughout the book on a daily basis).

One of the coolest parts is the book design, adorned with a great cover art and interesting fonts throughout. Inside, copies of Nicole's actual treatment papers are scattered about; names and addresses blacked out in bold black lines, handwritten journal entries detail each and every evil calorie, and even an official definition of "Normal Eating," which drove home the pathetic level we sink to with an eating disorder.

But the most important thing about PURGE, is it addresses, head on, the problem EDNOS patients face. EDNOS stands for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Huh? Ed who?

For the record;

EDNOS sufferers are not underweight, in fact, they are more often overweight.

EDNOS sufferers look normal, all the while lurking below the surface is a young vital heart struggling to keep ticking.

EDNOS sufferers are blown off the vast majority of the population, until of course they faint, whack their head, suffer a concussion, and need to be hospitalized.

EDNOS sufferers can have blood pressure readings near zero, completely out of whack electrolyte levels, and most commonly live with a raw, burning, sometimes-ruptured esophagus.

Needless to say, John's represents the "typical" EDNOS sufferer weighing 137 pounds, all the while popping diet pill cocktails, starving, purging, and binging until she is hospitalized for fainting which leads to the real diagnosis: a concussion, electrolyte imbalances, and three different kids of heart-rhythm irregularities.

She writes PURGE to "inform the public, counteract myths surrounding eating disorders and treatment, and provide eating disordered individuals with hope."

I think you'll agree, she accomplishes all three,

-mV

————

Why not post your own story? Tell us what you experienced in an eating disorder treatment center, and help others along the way.

Ya think???!!!

This woman is 5'11 weighing in at 108pounds. C'mon-

A) How did she make it this far without being flagged an anorexic?

B) This is not an attractive figure by any means, so don't fool yourself.

C) This is a sick, sick world my friends. Keep your head on straight by avoiding this crap at all costs

Do NOT buy into the media/fashion worlds ideals, unless you want to end up very ill, unhappy, and dead.

Be Strong,

-mV

Is Vegetarianism a teen eating disorder?

Time Magazine recently studied this topic, which brought back many memories of my early-teen-disordered-eating habits.

I was about 15 or so, when I decided to cut the meat out of my diet. I remember it clearly because I love meat, but no one would know it. 

No hamburger, no tacos, no chili, c'mon! And don't even get me going on steak, and pork tenderloin.

My entire decision revolved around one thing and one thing only;

MEAT = FAT

I know now, of course, this is not true.

But it sure is easy to convince yourself of it when Hollywood is all-vegan-all-the-time, and you've got PETA exploiting it with skinny mini actresses showing off their bods to send the clear message "Veggies-R-Us"

The Time study showed;
-20% of the vegetarians turned out to be binge eaters,
compared with only 5% of those who had always eaten meat.

-25% of current vegetarians and 20% of former
vegetarians in the same age group said they had engaged in extreme
weight-control measures such as taking diet pills or laxatives and
forcing themselves to vomit.

Only 1 in 10 teens who had never been
vegetarian reported similar behavior. View complete report.

My experience showed:

-It's easy as hell to hide your eating disorder behind vegetarianism. In fact, people applaud you for it.

-Cutting out meat was a first step to the slippery slope of disordered eating, which then lead to convincing myself chicken and fish should go too.

-When you don't eat any meat…there's not much too eat at family affairs. You've created the perfect excuse at Aunt Betty's house, when she serves an all-meat-buffet, with a side of bacon laced potatoes. Suddenly, sitting there eating 4 lettuce leaves doesn't seem so odd so you fly under the radar.

I do hope this study raises awareness with parents that vegetarian-ism can be yet another warning sign of an eating disorder creeping its way into your child's brain.

-mV

Lay it on me…what’s playing on your I-Pod today?

For me it is an old-ey- but goody:

Band: Public Enemy

Song: He Got Game

Favorite lyrics:

Now if you take heed to the words of wisdom
that are written on the walls of life
then universally, we will stand and divided we will fall
because love conquers all, you understand what I’m sayin?

This is a call to all you sleepin souls
Wake up and take control of your own cipher
And be on the lookout for the spirit snipers
tryin to steal your light, y’knowhutI’msayin?

Look within-side yourself, for peace
Give thanks, live life and release
You dig me? You got me?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y_VFGrGnCE&hl=en&fs=1]

Are you pregnant and struggling with your eating disorder?

Discovery Health is producing a documentary focused about expectant women whose pregnancies are exacerbated by a difficult circumstance in their lives. They are seeking an ED sufferer who is currently between 5-8 months pregnant to share their personal story. Payment for participation is $1500.

I can't help but be protective when I receive these types of solicitations….so please think before you respond. Think about how your involvement may impact you, and be sure this will be a positive move for your condition, and your growing baby.

If you are interested in more information, email me at mamavision@gmail.com

-mV

So many posts, so little time! Here is a bunch of interesting info that has come my way that I need to share in Cliff's Notes fashion!

Pro Anorexia Documentary
Watch for "The Truth about Online Anorexia"
airing in the UK April 9th 21:00 on ITV. After it airs, it can be
viewed online here by those of us residing in other countries. I am sure
this will spark much conversation.

Cerulean Butterfly
Pro Ana support site or high school drama queen landing place? More to
come on this…if you have info to share bring it on. The stories of
admin abuse going on here is completely unacceptable.

Side note: This picture from the homepage of their site really, really creepy and it should probably be a warning to wannabe members that some evil-ness lurks inside.

Looking Glass Foundation
Canadian Eating Disorder center produced these awesome ED commericals with DDB. They will leave you breathless:

What are you listening to?

If  music is not an essential part of your day- make it one. It lifts you, guides you, and builds your confidence that YES your life can be different.

My Monday Music Therapy

Band: Green Day

Song: American Idiot

Why: Because it is so true. Sometimes I am just totally appalled by the people of this country. The priorities. The vanity. The lack of compassion. And mostly the complete and total ignorance to what matters.

This song just gets me pumped, especially when I am ticked off, its like flipping the bird to society.

So what is your Monday Music Therapy?
-mV

——————-

Submitted by others!:

Lottie is listening to Alright by Red Carpet

Lia is listening to Tchaikovsky's violin concerto

Kay is listening to Snow by Amie Miriello