Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Every morning my family crunches in our bed and wakes up to the Today show. When its not about murder and mayhem, its generally some disturbing story about teens bullying the crap out of each other,  boys jumping on the eating disorder bandwagon, and now — girls asking “Am I pretty?” — on YouTube no less.

During many of these stories, I rant about how I am going to blog about the topic (which I rarely do since my day gets away from me and I forget about my outrage).  But this one stuck. It’s not going anywhere but here.

I cringed as I watched a few of these videos (turns out there are loads of them).  Take a look at this one from WickedLemons1 and then we’ll talk about all the ways that this is not the way to go about gaining approval from your peers;

Is it over? Was that painful, or was that painful? 

Did you see yourself in there?

Did you have the stomach to look at the comments WickedLemons1 is getting since this morning? Don’t bother. I’ll tell you what they say, without even looking, since when you launch a question like this (let alone any video out to the universe) you are asking for it, big time;

Honey, you are gorgeous. God made you perfect. Love yourself! XOXO

Bebe, you are HOT — what’s your numba?

Well, you are PRETTY UGLY actually.

What the !@#$%^*& is your problem. Get a life. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m sick of white bitches whining………..”

Am I right? Of course I am.

So let’s get to the real question — why would anyone, regardless of age, color, class or creed think this is a good idea? What gets into the mind of a teen that decides to get all dolled up and ask if they are pretty or not? What are they expecting?

In this case, I believe WickedLemons knows she is pretty and she just wants to be validated. Not a crime.

I guess its the need for attention and validation that just kills me. One thing my teenage life gave me was a crystal clear perspective on the reality of the world. When you are tall, blond, skinny and a model  – the girls hate you, the guys love you. You’d think that would be fun, but it actually sucks because its fleeting, and fake, not to mention degrading. Yet all I see is young women (or I should say most women) flaunting themselves for the wrong kind of attention.

We just got cable (seriously, last family on earth to cave for it) and I suffered through an eposide of The Housewives of Orange County. What an embarrassment to the female population. I mean seriously, a gang of stretched faced bleached blondes cock-tailing way the hell too much, married for money, and obsessed with one thing and only one thing – themselves.

This life is pathetic so let’s just make one reality show after another featuring these freaks so we all become brainwashed to the point of no return that life priorities are in this order:

1) me

2) me

3 and me.

Don’t be one of those girls. Don’t walk with WickedLemon1 either (sorry kid – truth hurts, delete the damn video NOW before it haunts you forever). Look in the mirror, focus on what you have been GIVEN (like health for example may be a nice start since it is the biggest blessing you have and trust me you will miss it when it is gone). Figure out your passion. Focus on your SKILLS. Be a person not a damn manniquen that gets used, abused, and tossed in the trash.

You are here for a reason. Figure out what the reason is and throw your heart and soul into it. I guarantee you will be happier with this lifestyle, than sitting in your cold, dark, lonely bedroom asking perfect strangers to rate you on beauty scale.

Gotta say I get sick of writing about this crap. But its never ending.

Ok so Demi collapses. Big surprise seeing that she is a skeleton (not attractive). I can’t help but feel so sad for her. She just looks so damn sad. Thin as a rail, rumors of prescription drugs on top of it, and just —a lost soul. A lost soul with the whole world stalking her.

There’s no reason in the world for Demi to be lost. She’s got “it all.” Is it only me who finds it ironic that she had to drop out of a film in which she would be Gloria Steinem? 49 and beside herself. If she is beside herself, what hope is there for us?

So SJP swoops in to save the day. Is she any better? I hope so. I really hope so, she’s a mom for godsake (but so is Demi and that’s not stopping her self pity).

I’m 42 and I see the games aging plays. I’m not going to pretend its easy. But it’s just a facade. Why can’t we see beyond this life?

Trust me I pray, and I pray that I will beat it. I won’t be one of those pathetic stretched faced broads carrying on like a frozen alien face is normal. I’ll just deal with the natural path of things. I’ll use night cream from ALDI. I’ll say wise things. I’ll be happy, and smart, and content. I won’t think about how people are saying “she’s aging well.” I’ll blow off all that crap and live life, fingers crossed.

One thing is for sure. I don’t want to look like Demi — she is the picture of fear to me. Fear of life, fear of time, fear of just everything. And she is stuck, she’s got no choice but to live it, so pop some pills and forget about it all….

But you know, you gotta wake up in the morning. You’ve got to put one foot in front of the other just like the rest of us, and God’s got a plan for you. There’s a purpose. And that purpose is not sitting around worrying that the big 30, or 40, or 50, 0r 60, or 70 is around the corner.

That’s enough depressing talk for the evening.

Good night and good luck -

mv XOXO

—-

Not all — but a large population of today’s eating disorders stem from our societies focus on body image and weight.

Let’s face it — our society is nuts.

We accept the fact that “Plus-Sized” models are now size 8-16. We accept the fact that magazines airbrush the living crap out of every single image of women within their pages yet we hold ourselves up to that standard. We accept the fact that kids as young as 4 are dieting (yes that is a f-o-u-r). We accept the fact that more lives are lost because of eating disorders than any other mental illness but God forbid we fork over the $ to treat sufferers. We accept the fact that Pro-Anorexia is a lifestyle that has infiltrated every corner of the web and our solution is to “Shut down those sites!” We accept the fact that dieting moms push their issues on their daughters. We accept the fact that sports require restricting food and water for weight requirements and pure vanity. We accept the fact that fat chat is a daily event that takes place in front of our children with listening ears.

But then we sit and wonder;

What’s wrong with our children? Why are they not happy? Why are they cutting? Why is there so much bullying? Why did that child commit suicide?

It all comes as a shock when you don’t open your eyes and walk around this insane planet for one day and notice how totally destructive our society is to our self image and body image.

Do it — I double dare you. Watch prime-time TV tonight. Google the word “thinspiration.” Open a fashion magazine, pick one, anyone and see the walking dead who are hailed the closest thing to perfect that we’ve ever seen. Browse this list of dead women consumed by their disease. Look at the athletes lost who were more dedicated to their sport than their lives. Take a stroll into Victoria Secret at the mall (actually you don’t even need to step inside since the massive promotional images on the outside of the store include a woman’s ass in a lace thong which is so appropriate).

Then go about your lovely little day. Concerned about your lovely little problems. While your children stick their fingers down their throats within earshot while you pretend to not notice. A burden you say. A frickin burden.

mamaV

XOXOXOXOX

**Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, psychiatrist, therapist or counselor. I am however a woman who has recovered (fully) from her eating disorder and I have been blogging on this topic since 2006 which stands for something. Qualified to make these statements? No. Making them anyway? Yes. Ranking like a lunatic? Absolutely.

Ok, who saw the amazing debut of Steven Tyler’s new video on American Idol last night?

There we were, my husband and I, watching our fave show with our 11 and 8 year old children, when on comes this crazy whirlwind of clips of Tyler, first with chimps, then singing to a teenage girl who ends up slowly stripping throughout the video, intermingled with scenes of Grandpa Steve slapping around with  Nicole Scherzinger.

What exactly is a parent supposed to say to their kids in this situation?

Isn’t there something wrong with promoting a 60 year old dude lusting after a teenager? (ok she is probably in her twenties, but c’mon!!)

It’s demented. It’s not normal, or reality, or cool. It’s just lame (and Anon just save your “you are just jealous” b.s. for another day because this is pathetic). And if you don’t think its pathetic, you are not a parent in your right mind.

Do you know what my kids said?

“Mama, this is really inappropriate.”

God bless America, how low can we go?

Remaining rants and questions;

1. What’s up with the beginning shot of the makeup artist chick sticking her finger up his nose?
2. What animal is Tyler’s little friend in the beginning — a seal?
3. Love how he dresses on Idol actually, but the white women’s pantsuit with floppy hat is not cutting it.
4. I mean seriously, did they cut this entire video together in a day or less?
5. I think I am really pissed because I had really grown to like Steven as a judge on Idol, and I started digging his Aerosmith songs — but now I am left feeling embarrassed for the poor guy.
6. I could not find ONE blog ripping the hell out of this video like I am, so I figure I am totally out numbered here but whateva, this is my space to let it rip.

-mamaV

XO

Portia DeRossi and Ellen DeGeneres

So what do you guys think about the latest two Hollywood stars to come out of about their eating disorders? Does this help you, hurt you, or do you not give a rip?

Portia De Rossi was on Oprah earlier this week talking about anorexia and recovery to promote her new book ‘Unbearable Lightness: A Story of Loss and Gain.’. De Rossi shared how she exercised to work off the calories from a pack of gum by running around in a parking lot (been there, done that, except I did the stairs at my apartment) and revealing that at one time she weighed 82 pounds standing 5’8. Osteoporoses, cirrhosis, organ failure and the auto-immune disease lupus were the diseases that were a result of her eating disorder. She is now happily married to Ellen Degeneres and credits her recovery to the love and acceptance they share for one another.

This morning I read about Demi Lovato, one of my 10 year old daughters favorites. In case you don’t know her, she was the star of Camp Rock and later landed her own Disney sitcom “Sunny with a Chance.” Lovato just announced she will take a break from touring with the Jonas Brothers to enter treatment for her eating disorder which she says stems from being bullied. The video below shows Lovato talking about her experience, which shows that even being part of the popular crowd doesn’t make you immune from bullying.

How do you feel when you read about these stories?

Do they matter? Does it make you feel less alone?

Or are these people totally irrelevant?

If I had to guess, we are going to have a mixed response on this one. There tends to be those who say their ED has nothing do with Hollywood or anything else, its purely their own control, perfectionism, personal issue. Then there are those who are VERY influenced by the media, Hollywood and fashion (hello pro anas!) who have succumbed to the pressure to try to measure up to weight and beauty standards.

(more…)

The blogosphere is on fire over Bacardi's "Get An Ugly Girlfriend" Campaign. Barcardi pulled down the web site promoting the campaign and here is the company response:

"Thank you for taking the time to post your story on Bacardi Breezer.

The campaign you are referring to ran in 2008 for two months in
Israel. Even though Bacardi Breezer is not sold or distributed in the
United States, we immediately notified the appropriate Bacardi
affiliate and had this website shut down.

Bacardi proudly celebrates diversity and we do not endorse the views
of this site. We sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by this
site and thank you for bringing it to our attention."

- Sean-Patrick Hillman of bacardi.com, June 21, 2009 via Sweet Machine.

Ok Mr. Sean nice blanket response, a few questions for you;

1) You are the Bacardi publicist. Where is the Corporate Big Dog that should be responding to this?

2) Your twitter response to this "crisis" was unnecessary….as a publicist we would think you would know to shut your yapper.

3) McCann Digital Israel obviously didn't get any slap on the hand about the Ugly Girlfriend campaign seeing that they submitted it to The Cannes Lions Festival (THE annual event for top advertising creative), even twittering about it on Saturday June 12 to gloat about the catalog. 

4) AXE is also a client of McCann Digital Israel, in fact they just won a Bronze in the Platinum category at Cannes for their work, didn't that give Bacardi a clue they were a real class act?

5) I see Bacardi's female CMO Stella David just got canned after 15 years with the company…I wonder what she thought of this campaign?

Start digging man, this could get uglier.

mV

UPDATE 6/22 4pmCST: Sean Hillmann pulled down the tweet shown above. I wonder why? Maybe because Rachel at FWordblog and I stalked him

I've asked McCann Israel for more info on their award submission for The Ugly Girlfriend Campaign, let's see what they come back with.

After reading the Anti-Cancer diet, I took a walk down the deodorant aisle at Walmart to find one that does not contain aluminum. How many did I find?

None.

Actually, the store brands don't just contain aluminum, it is the one and only ingredient listed on the package. To be exact, they read either aluminum chlorohydrate or aluminum zirconium.

Aluminum is a toxic metal.

A toxic metal we roll, rub and spray on our freshly shaved armpits every single day.

Our female shaving routine literally primes our armpits for absorption of this toxin, the area of our bodies that just so happen to house the lymph nodes for our breasts.

Breast cancer is only one of the risks, add on to that proven risks for Alzheimer and brain disorders.

• In 1993, the World Health Organization said, "There is a
  suspected link between Alzheimer's disease and the toxicity of
  aluminum."
• The Agency for Toxic Substances and &
  Disease Registry reports that "Exposure to high levels of aluminum may
  result in respiratory and neurological problems."

Why is this product on the shelf? Because it's America, and no one gives a damn. Collect the dollars, and keep your mouth shut.

If you are like me, you are going to RUN out to buy an alternative, but you will have to hunt for it. Here is what appears to be our options;

• Deodorant stones: never heard of these until I sat down to write this post. Has anyone used  these?
• Natural deodorants: I found Burt's Bee's has an herbal based option and this crystal version appears popular. Again, does anyone have advice to lend on here?

For those who want more info on this topic, check out this post. I've read enough. Enough to know I'm not trusting anyone with my health anymore.

Knowledge is power.
-mV

Next up: Let's Count The Carcinogens In Our Makeup!

Take a wild guess how much money we, that's women, spend per year on beauty products?

160 BILLION dollars annually

That would be billion with a capital 'B.' 

Think about that for a sec…$160,000,000,000 to cover, correct, paste, stretch, and mold our horribly defective frames into acceptable shape.

Lauren Greenfield, the producer of THIN documented the habits of 6 New York women to find some spending $1700 per month to maintain their imaginary beautified selves. Some admitted to sending more than rent (crap, that is more than my mortgage).

You know what struck me when I saw these images?

They all look tense. 

Tense and self conscience. 

Self conscience and unhappy.

Let's check out some of the beauty junkies the documentary followed (see full slide show here);

26 year-old, Ginger spends $650 a month on her physical appearance. At Manhattan’s store Sephora, Ginger shops alone for cosmetics because her friends know she will spend hours.

mV: I've always thought Sephora is a bit psycho. Not sure how you would spend hours there, but that is besides the point. Next time you are there pop in and look at the all the teeny, tiny potions in the back that will set you back about $100 each.

New York City actress Cameron (25) spends $620 a month on her personal grooming. Cameron reveals that her hair is the key to her personality, ‘I spend so much time with my hair-stylists, they’re like my family’.

mV: Really? They are like family? Will they be at your funeral?Do you call them when you are down in dumps or do they just listen when they are taking the money out of your wallet?

New York City hedge-fund exec Suzanne (36) spends $1720 a month on personal grooming.  At ‘Skin & Spa’ cosmetic surgery center, Suzanne receives Botox from Dr. Howard Sobel, a treatment that she receives 3 times a year.

mV: Beyond my comprehension. And sad as hell.

Confession time…I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours! Here goes;

Hair

Every 8 weeks, highlight and cut. Kills me every time I write out the check for $115. That is insane, but I do it because i like the texture and life it gives my hair.

Facial Stuff

Wash, toner, lotion….all generic Neutrogena from Wally's (that's what the kids call Walmart). $25 bucks max, lasts a about 3 months.

Nails

Hands and feet I do myself. At least until my mom sees my feet in sandals and gets me a gift certificate for the salon.

Makeup

Maybe $100 or less per year. I love Rimmel brand, affordable and great quality.

That's a whopping $1,000 a YEAR. That's what, about $90 or so a month (even that sounds like alot actually).

Am I total tight wad or are these women above completely out of their minds?

-mV

I'm reading "You would be so pretty if…" by Dana Chadwick in preparation for a BlogHer session I may be leading.

The title made me think back to when I have heard these words from someone, so it made me curious as to what hurtful comments all of you have buried over the years.

"You'd be so pretty if you just wore a little more makeup."

This one was basically saying I was a "plain Jane" and I should jazz it up a bit. I basically let it roll off, but it did kind of bug me anyway because it was just such an necessary thing to say.

"You'd be so pretty with a little more color."

Ok, I know I am a major whitey – but that is by choice. This is perhaps the one good thing I learned from the modeling days – stay out of the sun. This was to of course protect my skin from wrinkles but also because any sort of tan line was a no-no.

So, it's your turn. Tell me when you heard someone utter these words and how you felt.

-mV

New album cover for Kelly Clarkson.

Photoshopped to hell.

Artist likes it.

Why?

“We decided the cover of the album and
just in case you haven’t seen it I’ll post it! It’s very colorful and
they have definitely Photoshopped the crap out of me – but I don’t
care, haha!

“Whoever she is, she looks great, ha! I’ve had so much fun with this album; I really hope y’all dig it woohooooooooooo!!!!” - Clarkson's blog

How can you not care?

I wonder what Dove thinks? See Walmart/Dove soundcheck sponsorship

Here's where I am going with this;

Imagine you are going to be featured on the cover of a local magazine. The cover comes out and its not you, its some perfectly-smooth-no-bumps-no-lumps-version of you. Wouldn't you feel weird cruising around town having people see you in real life and think ing"Wow, she doesn't look like that cover? She sure as hell is not as pretty."

Allowing this fake-ery (if that is even a word) is just asking for it. Asking for criticism. Inviting public analysis,. And generally just, well, an unwise move.

I lived this crap and it sucks. As a model, you have these amazing pictures produced  of  yourself. It made me feel like an impostor. The model version becomes your evil twin.  The one everyone thinks you are…but are then disappointed when they see the real you. So; the evil twin had to go.

 

My Evil Twin. Dead as a door nail.

I killed her years ago.

I killed her by going everywhere and anywhere with no makeup. 

I finished her off by letting my body go back to its normal, healthy size.

I wiped her off the face of the earth by letting every single ugly flaw show to the world; zits , cellulite and all.

I said goodbye to the fake me, and I said hello to the real me. The one with perfect imperfections that are mine for life and I wouldn't give them up for anything.

Beauty will always go downhill, so you gotta just enjoy the ride.

-mV

While reading the Chicago Tribune obits yesterday, I saw this bizarre picture and had to share.

Artist and critic, Coosje Van Bruggen, has died, leaving her legacy in the form of a huge concrete lipstick.

This got me wondering – what was in this fine lady's head when she and her husband decided this would be a fitting creation to adorn the front entrance of the National Gallery of Art in Washington? 

More over, why did the gallery accept it? I can just see the Board of Directors reviewing the plans, shaking their heads in amazement shouting, "Yes! This is fantastic. Pure genius."

The couple was known for creating sculptures of "mundane" objects. I can dig it. I get the whole modern art thing, and I appreciate its merits.

But this one, its just an odd, yet interesting one.

It struck me as more of a statement of some sort. Statement of what? I don't have the slightest idea.

What do you think?

-mamaV

PS I know I need to seriously get a life if I am sitting around blogging about lipstick statues, but hey, its like -40 below here and cabin fever is setting in so cut me some slack.

Alba is the latest photoshop victim, airbrushed into some sort of cartoonish SuperHero version of herself.

A little nip and tuck at the waist, and slim down those chunky thighs please. Those collarbones need to really pop, we want to see bones. Vulptuious breasts must literally be pouring out of the top of the halter dress. Add some slutty red lipstick and a few sexy wisps to the hair – and now one of the world's most gorgeous women is good enough for Campari.

Freaky-ist part? Check out her eyeballs. They moved her damn pupils so she is staring at the camera!

For cripes sake, if this doesn't make you ill, not sure what will.

-mamaV

Do you recognize yourself in this video?

See original video here on the Dove web site.

Our girls can grow up with different beauty perceptions than we did. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

I can not say enough about Dove. Their campaign for real beauty continues to amaze me.

Get your REAL BEAUTY T-Shirts here.

Are you a mom? Check out The True You Workbook you can do with your daughters. You are are the most influential person in her life when it comes to beauty and self esteem.

Is your daughter in Girl Scouts? Tell their leader about the Uniquely Me program, or consider leading this program yourself! I will be leading my daughters troop through this program starting this summer, so we can walk through this together.