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What the hell did Fergie do to her face?

30 Jun

Fergie American IdolSo Ferga-li-cious decided she needed to be more beautiful and she has ended up, well, looking like a typical plasticized freak. The whole controversy started with her appearance on American Idol where she came out looking — well, different. The moment she stepped on stage, my whole family looked at each other saying “Is that Fergie?”

But then her loving husband Josh put all the concerns to rest when he explained “she was wearing a different color lipstick.”

Got it.

Moving back to reality here, I had my hopes up that she was pregnant, and maybe her face was puffy, but all signs are pointing to the ole’ botox routine. Plus I caught a new Dr. Pepper commercial with her last night that sealed the deal, especially when my kids yelled out once again “is that Fergie??!”

After the jump: would mamaV ever have plastic surgery?

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WAG: Who the hell is this chick?

25 Jan

Time for a Wild-Ass-Guess on who is this sad creature on the left? Not to mention the obviously strained, uncomfortable reporter on the right.

Ok, a few hints:

1) Blondie claims to have the same talent as the King of Pop, with her debut album ready to hit the stores, ironically titled “Superficial” (you can’t make this shit up people!)

2) “Double D is not large enough,” is the message she wishes to send to all the young hopefuls out there. (Note taken bimbo queen).

3) Demented in her Christian faith, she chalks up her 10+ plastic surgeries (IN ONE DAY) as happening in “gods time” (what exactly are you smokin’ and can I have some?”

Still can’t guess huh?

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Former Miss Argentina, Solange Magnano dies from cosmetic surgery

11 Dec

solangemagnano_185x_653295aThe gorgeous woman at the right went under the knife to firm her butt — and never came back.

A former Miss Argentina and international model has died three days after booking herself in for a buttock lift at a Buenos Aires,  in a tragedy that has thrown the growing national obsession with the body beautiful into the spotlight.

Solange Magnano, a 38-year-old married mother of twins who still enjoyed a successful modeling career, died of a pulmonary embolism.

As a mother, I can’t help but  wonder if she knew the risks she was taking as she went under the knife? There is not a chance in hell I would do this or any other unecessary surgery for the call of beauty if it meant I may not see my children again (FYI — that is why I wear glasses…takin’ no chances with my eyes, can you imagine if I could not SEE my precious kids because of a vanity move????)

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What's wrong with this picture?

27 May

Could it be that the patient didn't have time to change out of freaky tights and pumps before her medical procedure?

How about the cell-at-the-side? Is it on speaker for a conference call? Is she worried she will miss some action on twitter? WTF big time.

Moving on. Let's check out an actual face lift.

It's called a "face lift" what did we think it would look like?

Pretty, pretty.
-mV

See more of Lauren Greenfield's images here.
Click on "search image database" for more grizly pics.

Risk your vision for creepy eyelashes?

6 Apr

I stumbled upon an ad for "Novalash" this weekend so I went to check this product out online.

Novalash will give you the "lashes nature should have given you," and its the only FORMALDEHYDE free lash extender (yep, that's embalming fluid).

Plus, this product is completely safe because it can only administered by professional who has completed a rigorous, mind blowing, 8 hour training session. Whew, now that's dedication.

We warned though, some minor complications can occur…such as LOSS OF VISION, or damage to your eyelids, but don't let that stop you, you must be like the the nut job Hollywood stars. Sacrifice anything for vanity girls.

I am going for the candied "Pink Lemonade" style, how about you?
-mV

Got Wrinkles? Find a pig.

12 Mar

Botox? Pleeassse….that is so yesterday.

Pig is where it's at.

Pig tendons actually, currently used with the in crowd in NY, those willing to sacrifice health in the name of personal vanity.

It's called "Evolence," how chic. 

"In the 1980s, we got ourselves shot full of bovine (cow)
collagen (which required an allergy test several 
weeks beforehand,
never desirable when one is seeking an instant pick-me-up).

In the
’90s, we began freezing our faces with a derivative of the botulism
toxin

In 2003 came Restylane, a breakthrough hyaluronic acid (or H.A.,
as it’s known in the trade) derived from
bacteria.

Nowadays many New
York doctors also offer Radiesse, a filler made of synthetic liquid
bone
, and Sculptra, which was invented to treat the hollow cheeks of
H.I.V. patients.
" - NY Observer, Meredith Bryan.

Cow Collagen. Botulism Toxin. Bacteria. Liquid Bone….on to pig tendons! Down with wrinkles! 

                                                                                                      

Just gimme a shot of whatever you got – if I get nodules in my lips that have to be surgically removed – so
be it! Who cares if my religion says I can't eat pig….they didn't say can't inject it in my face!

Shhh…best of all – this stuff can easily be hidden from the hubby since it leaves no bruising, bumps or redness! You'll be dancing the night away within the hour and he will be loving you like his twenty year old girlfriend.

How lovely,

-mV

P.S. Just in case you are still curious…take a look at these beauties. Whoa.


 

Real Women Say Their Age

17 Feb

"Mama, at school when we sing Happy Birthday to the teachers, we don't say their age," inquired my 9 year old daughter.

"Oh really? What do you mean?" knowing full well exactly what she was getting to.

"We skip the 'how old are you part of the song. Why?" she said.

How would you answer this question?

I answered it by telling her that women have a 'thing' about their age. I told her that society and media tends to make women feel like its better to be young, and then I went on to say I think its was nuts especially because I am so very proud to be turning the big 4-0 this year!

      

images from Dove ProAge Blog

My girl did not skip a beat, and responded with this,

"Well Grandma is old. I mean, she is like 70…..and Grandma is the greatest!"

"Yep babe, Grandma is the greatest." I said with a huge smile spreading across my face.

Well, that was easy,

-mamaV

——

Who would you rather hang with?

Natural beauty Streep or Frozen Face Kidman?

  

Pistol Bening or Balloon Boobs Beckham? (c'mon! how do you even haul those things around?)

 

Real-deal Curtis or 'She Was So Cute Before' Ryan?

 

Think about who you really want to be.

What type of image are you projecting now?

Think about what you want your legacy in life to be. 

Do you want to be remembered for your vainty?

Think about the type of people you like to be around?

Are they hard, fake, and frozen….or are they soft, gentle, and real?

*.

Totally whacked beauty products

6 Feb

 It appears the Japanese have one-upped Americans on the creation of the most insane beauty tools.

The Face Slimmer(aka Hanibel Lecter mask) is the latest hot seller on Amazon.

The concept is you will sweat your face off in this thing, and according to recent purchasers it is “tight as hell and it reeks”.

But hey, chubby little cheeks no more! Kinda tempting isn’t it?

Then again, it may scar the children for life, so I will pass.

Now pair this with the Slim Mouth Piecebuilt upon the concept that a wider mouth makes your face look thinner. Damn, I wish I had this thing back in Paris when my agent had me doing face exercises to get rid of my baby fat.

On to what is perhaps the most disturbing torture tool, the Nose Squeezer.

Man, this thing has got to hurt like hell! It’s basically a clothespin pinching your nose.

Gives me the shivers.

Finally, the neck. We all know our necks are waayy to short so now some genius came up with a Neck Stretcher to make all our dreams come true.

Ahhhh….when will we make piece with our face, our bodies? I fear never.

There is a sucker born every minute,

mV

Look Good Dead

3 Feb

When planning your last will and testament, its all in the details babe.

Your personal mortician needs to know you want to look young and foxy in your coffin (no closed casket for you- it's time to shine!)

According to FoxNews, undertakers say more and more people are asking to be tucked and
smoothed out for their funeral to look good for their friends and
family .

Go heavy on the botox, collagen, and whatever you can get your hands on….this is not a time to be a cheapskate!

Mickey Rourke: Dude, what happened??

23 Jan

Well, well, it’s sure nice to see a MAN butcher himself for a change.

Former “beautiful” person turned beast, actor Mickey Rourke has come out of hiding to accept a
Golden Globe Award and Oscar Nomination, only to scare the crap out of the public, and
even the most seasoned news journalists.

Above are Rourke’s plastic surgery pics. Below is Rourke today transformed into a pumped up roid freak, and looking scary as ever.

Rourke is making the rounds promoting his film The Wrestler, but the interviews are mighty painful to watch.

On the TODAY Show, Matt Lauer tiptoed around Rourke with carefully worded questions, while Rourke ribbed his puffy lips nervously, and from time to time peered through tinted glasses with a strange, shameful, vulnerable expression that one would not expect from such a tough guy.

Pretty boy Lauer obviously felt sorry for the guy, you could just tell he wanted to ask the REAL question’ “Dude – what happened to you?”


On The View, the normally perky crew circled around Rourke like mothers to a child, making comments that seemed nothing more than an effort to make the guy feel better about himself. They even brought out his little pooch, announcing her as “his date” which made the whole scene even more pathetic.

Truth be told- I too feel sorry for him, how can you not?

But remember, Rourke did this to himself (a fact he readily admits).

At the height of his career, when being compared to Brando, the guy asks some hacker to:

  1. Stretch his entire face as tight as can be.
  2. Add some puff to his lips (which is rather odd for a man don’t you think?)
  3. Plug in some huge ass cheek implants.
  4. God knows what else.
  5. Finish whole deal off with a heavy dose of steroids and you’ve got a self made monster.

Now before you say I am being mean and insensitive – here’s some insight into Rourke’s charming personality;

Just a few weeks ago he was castigated for uttering a “gay slur”
against a Los Angeles journalist, and shortly before that had to
apologize for a foul-mouthed outburst at a female movie executive. “I
didn’t realize that the c-word would be offensive to a lady,” Rourke
explained according to Telegraph.

How lovely. Moving on to the time he cut off his pinkie finger because, hey, he didn’t need it….


“I cut my little finger off because I thought I didn’t want it. I was
angry about something so I decided I didn’t need the end of the little
finger on my left hand. I didn’t cut it off completely – it was still
hanging on a tendon – and an English friend, Gary, carefully carried
the end of it as we went to hospital to try to rectify the situation.
It took the surgeon eight hours to sew it back on. I still can’t bend
it properly.”
Starpulse

With that, I’ll close my chapter on Mickey Rourke. I likely will not see the movie, too depressing, so instead I’ll wait for his next physical transformation.

Vanity bites,
mamaV


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