Body Image Activist, Eating Disorders mamaVISION

Here is a lovely video showing a dance troupe of 7 YEAR OLD GIRLS strutting around on stage to Beyonce’s “Single Lady’s” tune.  They not only imitate Beyonce’s hip thrusts and humping actions, they’ve got the full on lip pout come and get me look.

A) Who picked the song “Single Lady’s” for these children?

B) The outfits. Someone had to MAKE those outfits since to my knowledge Victoria Secret is not (yet) selling size 8 for girls.

C) The dance. These kids are great, you can see it when they actually twirl and jump, so why the need to turn what should have been a once in a lifetime opportunity into a fiasco should haunt them their whole lives.

D) Will the parents of these darlings please step forward and tell us what in gods name do you think you are teaching your daughter besides 1) I am a sex object 2) I am a sex object 3) I am a sex object.

(more…)

I’ve been reading REAL magazine since they started publishing, and I’ve got to say these girls have something totally unique (and there artwork rules!)

The About Us Page describes REAL as;

REAL is a heart beat, a love letter, a wink, a kiss, a smile, a tear, a hug. REAL is two hands holding, a single idea, a dream, a fire, a sea, a crazy pirate, a colour, a song, a season. Being real can’t be written in words, there’s no manual on how to be real, because we are all real, if we exist we are real.

REAL is written by young women from across the world. It was created to inspire you to do amazing and outrageous things. We aim to challenge you to think outside the box and consider want being real is to you.

Join them! I promise you will start to think a bit differently about yourself, and the world around you.

Love,

mV

A beaten, bruised image of 19 year old
pop star Rihanna is everywhere; magazine covers, tabloids, and even
on Oprah.

Police reports state: Rihanna questioned her boyfriend, Chris Brown, about text messages (from a woman). He proceeded to punch her bloody, put her in a headlock, and now….they are writing a book and will sing a duo together.

How romantic.

Oprah is focused on the Rihanna abuse situation today, as am I, because this presents the opportunity to speak about this topic…one that is all too common in the history of those with eating disorders.

As it turns out, both Rihanna and Brown come from abusive homes. They are both still just kids themselves.

"When you grew up in an environment where there is abuse, it's more
acceptable to you," Winfrey said. "If you go back with a man who hits
you it's because you don't think you're worthy of being with a man who
won't."

Unworthiness. How often have I heard that word from the eating disordered, when the direct opposite is
true?

The abuser is the one who is unworthily.
The abuser is unworthy of your love and affection.
The abuser is the one with the problem.
The abuser is the one that needs to punished.

At the core of it all; lack of self esteem. No one deserves this. I state this because several teens on Oprah were expressing this point of view stating "Rihanna started it."

Let's get this perfectly straight;

1. No level of physical abuse is ok.
   None. Not a slap, a push or being held against your will.

2. No level of verbal abuse is
   acceptable. If you have some one telling you that you are not good
   
   enough by shouting obscenities in your face….step back and look at
   them. Look at what a pathetic person they are for needing to degrade
   and control another person. Especially a person they "love."

3. No woman, or man, deserves this treatment.
   Period. There is no action that causes another person to be violent,
   its a con game.

4. If it happens once, it will
   happen again. This is a fact and you are kidding yourself if you
   believe in the abuser for one more moment.

From the world I come from, the image of Rihanna is shocking, and I mean totally, and completely shocking. I have never, ever even had a man, or woman for that matter, even try to lay a hand on me. Ever. Not my parents, a boyfriend, my husband, or any friend or family member. Nor have I ever witnessed such violence.This type of violent treatment is so totally out of my
realm of reality it just stuns me.

I want it to start stunning YOU.

You need to be stunned by any and all verbal and/or physical abuse in your life.

And you need to turn away from it to get your life back.

Either that, or you stay in this cycle of abuse and watch a small part of you fade away with each and every punch, slap, and cuss word.

You are not alone- reach out for help.

-mV
XOXOXO

————————————————–

RESOURCES:

If you need help or know someone who does, call the National Teen
Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 or the National Domestic Violence
Hotline at 800-799-SAFE

Love is not abuse

Love is respect

Teen Dating Bill Of Rights

7 Warning Signs of Teen Abuse

Call for help: 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 TTY.

I'm sorry but any woman who lines up for a cattle call for a chance to marry "some dude" is nuts. I mean really girls, where has our self esteem gone?

Yahoo's Top Entertainment Story Today, why would you want to subject yourself to this?

This latest fiasco on The Bachelor is the kicker - the guy proposes to one, then changes his mind and asks the other – and she accepts? The 50's are over man, and why are we headed back?

I truly think this is pathetic. If one of my friends, or god forbid my daughter someday, wanted to go on this program I would be seriously worried about their mental health.

A. You don't line up for a husband under any circumstances.

B. You don't beg a guy to choose you. 

C. You sure as hell don't go on national TV, stand in a room of other contenders, and start balling if you don't get "a rose."

This all goes back to one simple thing – self esteem.

If these girls had any respect for themselves, they would not even dream of getting married this way (and none of you better either!)

I blame the rest on their parents, yes they are grown women, but for cripes sake can't we even raise a child with the confidence to stand on their own, know what they are worth, and not settle for less? The parents of these fine, smart women even participate in the selection process for goodness sake!

NOT normal. Rant over.

Am I off my rocker?

mV

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

About Face, by Burt and Kline, is a book I stumbled upon a few weeks ago. The forward is written by Bobbi Brown, I woman I never thought much of – until now. I'll admit; I judged Brown. I assumed she was fake, being a makeup artist and all, but her story floored me.

"When I was eighteen, my mother offered to buy me a nose job. I still remember the moment she sat on my bed and told me that she loved me and wanted the best for me. She said a nose job would make me more beautiful," Brown states.

She point blank turned down her mothers offer because she liked what she saw when she looked in the mirror, and this moment laid the foundation for her life work.

My husband is familiar with the book, he has seen me reading it over the past few weeks, so we started discussing it.

"So, what do you see when you look in the mirror?" I asked him.

"Ummm….I usually think I look tired. Black circles…you know" he revealed.

"What else?" I prodded.

"What do you mean what else?" he asked sincerely (he really didn't understand what I meant).

"Do you like what you see?" I said.

Pause.

"Yeah. Usually." he said.

"That's it?" I asked.

"Pretty much," he said "I guess a book like that written by men would be really boring."

Now understand, my husband is a thinker. I call him the girl in our relationship sometimes because he loves discussing things, issues, thoughts, ideas (he's as writer, didn't I get lucky?). The fact that he didn't really have much to say on this topic really made me think.

Guys generally don't have issues with their looks. They don't obsess. They don't crisis in front of the mirror every morning. They don't spend a fortune on makeup. And they don't change their outfit 10 times before going out. They accept the hand they are dealt and they live their lives.

So we carried on talking about this subject for a minute or two, and then he said-

"Babe, not to change the subject, but can you shave my back?"

Shave his back. I was dieing laughing.

Damn, life is easier as a guy,

- mamaV

P.S. The next post will be my thoughts on what I see when I look in the mirror and I'll be looking forward to hearing your personal story. This is a way harder exercise then I thought it would be….so start pondering how you feel and how you can put it into words.

——-

So here is what I see when I look in the mirror.

Many of you state that you do not have support, you don’t relate, your family does not understand. So I pose a challenge back to you.

Find a role model.

There is one out there for each and every one of you, but you may have to keep searching until you find that individual that gets you. The person who doesn’t judge, always listens, and gently guides you to the help you need.

Let the hunt begin!

Step #1: Your Parents
First and foremost, approach your parents. You can let your guard down, and tell them- tell them what you are going through. Although you don’t believe they will understand, the vast majority of parents will understand and they want nothing more than to help their children.

I remember when I told my mom about my ED, I was so scared, but I was so sick of it all too. It was so weird to me that she didn’t notice on her own, wasn’t it obvious I was suffering? It wasn’t. My mom is the most intuitive, loving, giving person, and even she did not see all the signs I thought I was shoving in her face.  So, you need to get over the fact that no one is paying attention to your issues, and understand they may not even be aware.

Step #2: Siblings & Relatives
If the parent route doesn’t fly, or they are simply not good role models, you need to look beyond them.

Many of you have expressed that your mother has pushed her body hate on to you. Or you have an insensitive father who calls you fat or is just plain abusive. Their issues are not your issues. Just get it out of your head that you were meant to be in this position and you will never get out of it. There is a way out — you just need to open your eyes, and trust you will be guided.

You need to look to siblings and other family members. Most of us have
someone in our lives we kind of trust, someone that has the potential to be real, so you need to reach out to them.

Step #3: Friends
No,no no – you are not stopping here. If you’ve gotten this far and everyone has disappointed you, take a few deep breaths and regroup.

You have likely been squashed to the mat. It sucks, big time. But you have got to get up again. When you get knocked down in life, do your crying, and then get up. Get up and keep moving.

Ok, so what friends to you have? Don’t say “none. Chances are you have pushed everyone away so you can immerse yourself in your ED. Call a few of those people back into your life. Take the chance that they will listen and that they will help.

Step #4: Teachers & Colleagues
If the family has failed you, your friends are not there, you then move on to search for people that it will likely be harder to approach. I am talking about teachers, colleagues, hell – try the gym instructor.

Guys, life is really rough sometimes. You may very well fall down several times before you find the right person, but you will if you persevere. No one said it was going to be easy.

So that’s the plan. Let’s do it and see where we end up.

What I see is young women stuck. Stuck in a pattern of self hate that has become the norm, it is expected, it is all in compassing.

But it doesn’t need to be- you just have to step outside your boundaries. Take chances. Make mistakes. This is all part of growing up and living life. And living life hating yourself not a life at all. You know this.

If you are ready, I challenge you to find that role model this week.

Figure out who that person is, muster up the courage to tell them who you really are, and let it all fly.

I am expecting we will have some good stories, some not so good stories. But such is life. The only way out of this big black hole is to crawl out. At least you’ll do the crawling with others who understand.

You are not alone,

mamaV

xoxo

——————————————

Post inspired by The National Report on the State of Self Esteem, Real Girls, Real Pressure, commissioned by Dove. Read it, absorb it, and tell yourself you will not be a statistic.

Just got back from Madtown, our capital city, a college town that had me absorbed in its free spirit and sense of identity. I came back with a bag full of clothes from Goodwill, a budda necklace, and tons of cool stickers and buttons.

Time to share;

Think big girls.

Kind of over the top, but got to love ‘em! More here from Ann Taintor, and OliveSandwiches

That’s US!

Be you.

Hope one of these brought a smile to your face! 

Love,

mamaV

enjoy your weekend,

Love,

mamaV

XOXO