Body Image Activist, Eating Disorders mamaVISION

I’ve been reading REAL magazine since they started publishing, and I’ve got to say these girls have something totally unique (and there artwork rules!)

The About Us Page describes REAL as;

REAL is a heart beat, a love letter, a wink, a kiss, a smile, a tear, a hug. REAL is two hands holding, a single idea, a dream, a fire, a sea, a crazy pirate, a colour, a song, a season. Being real can’t be written in words, there’s no manual on how to be real, because we are all real, if we exist we are real.

REAL is written by young women from across the world. It was created to inspire you to do amazing and outrageous things. We aim to challenge you to think outside the box and consider want being real is to you.

Join them! I promise you will start to think a bit differently about yourself, and the world around you.

Love,

mV

A beaten, bruised image of 19 year old
pop star Rihanna is everywhere; magazine covers, tabloids, and even
on Oprah.

Police reports state: Rihanna questioned her boyfriend, Chris Brown, about text messages (from a woman). He proceeded to punch her bloody, put her in a headlock, and now….they are writing a book and will sing a duo together.

How romantic.

Oprah is focused on the Rihanna abuse situation today, as am I, because this presents the opportunity to speak about this topic…one that is all too common in the history of those with eating disorders.

As it turns out, both Rihanna and Brown come from abusive homes. They are both still just kids themselves.

"When you grew up in an environment where there is abuse, it's more
acceptable to you," Winfrey said. "If you go back with a man who hits
you it's because you don't think you're worthy of being with a man who
won't."

Unworthiness. How often have I heard that word from the eating disordered, when the direct opposite is
true?

The abuser is the one who is unworthily.
The abuser is unworthy of your love and affection.
The abuser is the one with the problem.
The abuser is the one that needs to punished.

At the core of it all; lack of self esteem. No one deserves this. I state this because several teens on Oprah were expressing this point of view stating "Rihanna started it."

Let's get this perfectly straight;

1. No level of physical abuse is ok.
   None. Not a slap, a push or being held against your will.

2. No level of verbal abuse is
   acceptable. If you have some one telling you that you are not good
   
   enough by shouting obscenities in your face….step back and look at
   them. Look at what a pathetic person they are for needing to degrade
   and control another person. Especially a person they "love."

3. No woman, or man, deserves this treatment.
   Period. There is no action that causes another person to be violent,
   its a con game.

4. If it happens once, it will
   happen again. This is a fact and you are kidding yourself if you
   believe in the abuser for one more moment.

From the world I come from, the image of Rihanna is shocking, and I mean totally, and completely shocking. I have never, ever even had a man, or woman for that matter, even try to lay a hand on me. Ever. Not my parents, a boyfriend, my husband, or any friend or family member. Nor have I ever witnessed such violence.This type of violent treatment is so totally out of my
realm of reality it just stuns me.

I want it to start stunning YOU.

You need to be stunned by any and all verbal and/or physical abuse in your life.

And you need to turn away from it to get your life back.

Either that, or you stay in this cycle of abuse and watch a small part of you fade away with each and every punch, slap, and cuss word.

You are not alone- reach out for help.

-mV
XOXOXO

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RESOURCES:

If you need help or know someone who does, call the National Teen
Dating Abuse Helpline at 866-331-9474 or the National Domestic Violence
Hotline at 800-799-SAFE

Love is not abuse

Love is respect

Teen Dating Bill Of Rights

7 Warning Signs of Teen Abuse

Call for help: 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 TTY.

I'm sorry but any woman who lines up for a cattle call for a chance to marry "some dude" is nuts. I mean really girls, where has our self esteem gone?

Yahoo's Top Entertainment Story Today, why would you want to subject yourself to this?

This latest fiasco on The Bachelor is the kicker - the guy proposes to one, then changes his mind and asks the other – and she accepts? The 50's are over man, and why are we headed back?

I truly think this is pathetic. If one of my friends, or god forbid my daughter someday, wanted to go on this program I would be seriously worried about their mental health.

A. You don't line up for a husband under any circumstances.

B. You don't beg a guy to choose you. 

C. You sure as hell don't go on national TV, stand in a room of other contenders, and start balling if you don't get "a rose."

This all goes back to one simple thing – self esteem.

If these girls had any respect for themselves, they would not even dream of getting married this way (and none of you better either!)

I blame the rest on their parents, yes they are grown women, but for cripes sake can't we even raise a child with the confidence to stand on their own, know what they are worth, and not settle for less? The parents of these fine, smart women even participate in the selection process for goodness sake!

NOT normal. Rant over.

Am I off my rocker?

mV

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

About Face, by Burt and Kline, is a book I stumbled upon a few weeks ago. The forward is written by Bobbi Brown, I woman I never thought much of – until now. I'll admit; I judged Brown. I assumed she was fake, being a makeup artist and all, but her story floored me.

"When I was eighteen, my mother offered to buy me a nose job. I still remember the moment she sat on my bed and told me that she loved me and wanted the best for me. She said a nose job would make me more beautiful," Brown states.

She point blank turned down her mothers offer because she liked what she saw when she looked in the mirror, and this moment laid the foundation for her life work.

My husband is familiar with the book, he has seen me reading it over the past few weeks, so we started discussing it.

"So, what do you see when you look in the mirror?" I asked him.

"Ummm….I usually think I look tired. Black circles…you know" he revealed.

"What else?" I prodded.

"What do you mean what else?" he asked sincerely (he really didn't understand what I meant).

"Do you like what you see?" I said.

Pause.

"Yeah. Usually." he said.

"That's it?" I asked.

"Pretty much," he said "I guess a book like that written by men would be really boring."

Now understand, my husband is a thinker. I call him the girl in our relationship sometimes because he loves discussing things, issues, thoughts, ideas (he's as writer, didn't I get lucky?). The fact that he didn't really have much to say on this topic really made me think.

Guys generally don't have issues with their looks. They don't obsess. They don't crisis in front of the mirror every morning. They don't spend a fortune on makeup. And they don't change their outfit 10 times before going out. They accept the hand they are dealt and they live their lives.

So we carried on talking about this subject for a minute or two, and then he said-

"Babe, not to change the subject, but can you shave my back?"

Shave his back. I was dieing laughing.

Damn, life is easier as a guy,

- mamaV

P.S. The next post will be my thoughts on what I see when I look in the mirror and I'll be looking forward to hearing your personal story. This is a way harder exercise then I thought it would be….so start pondering how you feel and how you can put it into words.

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So here is what I see when I look in the mirror.