Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

What do you think about girls, some as young as 9, visiting an "image consultant?"

I think it's whacked (plus look at the lady in the image coaching the kid).

Can we not just allow our kids to just grow up semi-naturally? Do we have to plan and organize and assist with every move they make?

The Washington Post reports on this hot young market in "The Minor Makeover;"

"In the past couple of years, the market of 12-to-20-year olds has
absolutely grown," says Los Angeles stylist and image consultant Abby
Michelle Moll, who works with adult clients and their kids. "It's being
driven by the media and the Internet."

The Post goes on to report that reality shows like "How Do I Look?" and "What Not to Wear" usually
center on the remarkable before-and-after transformations of the
participants. Maybe it was only a matter of time before the trend hit
teens and preteens. The idea of perpetually camera-ready teens is what
youth market analysts call KGOY, "kids getting older younger," which
is, of course, no new phenomenon. 

Jezebel's perspective on this trend is spot on;

"It seems a little strange that some of the issues re: self-esteem
are being addressed externally as opposed to internally."

Ya think?!

Let me tell you something – kids have a style of their own. They figure out this stuff on their own. From my 6 year old son demanding to wear ONLY silky sports shorts and tank tops (with no undies or free-balling as he likes to call it), to my 9 year old daughter mixing together the oddest get ups you've ever seen – and she looks so dang cool.

Parents, let's not butt in on this process.

Hold back on shoving what is likely YOUR insecurities on your kids.

Let''s give them a chance to grow into who they are meant to be.

-mV

Image: My babies on the pier up north just a few days ago.

While listening to The Sean Hannity radio show while driving home last night, I heard an interesting discussion on Sarah Palin's resignation.

A male caller from Brooklyn weighed in with his wisdom;

"She's too good looking for politics, she will never be taken seriously."

Hannity responded;

"Do you really believe that?"

Brooklyn boy;

"Yeah, to make it as Senator, or to the Presidential level, you have to look like Hillary Clinton or Madeline Albright."

Here Jezebel puts in their two cents on the good, bad, ugly on Palin.

I'd like to hear your take on this…your honest take. Here's mine;

I'm with Brooklyn boy. Hate to say it, but this is the way the world works. An attractive woman needs to work twice as hard to prove she is intelligent. Once she proves it, she is always proving it, she is never off the hook.

I've worked in a male dominated business my entire career. I hid my modeling past for this very reason- who the hell is going to take me seriously in high tech with that background?

The Rules:
1) Always downplay your looks. Wear pantsuits, stand tall and intimidate them with self confidence.

2) No girlie stuff – nix the heavy makeup, long nails and pumps. Pull your hair back, and hold the perfume.

3) Flirting is a bad move, there's no place for it. None.

4) Be tough, direct and non apologetic.

5) And most importantly – cry and you're dead.

I cried once in my entire career. I tried like hell to hold it in, but the issue being discussed impacted my children (I missed part of their Halloween due to business travel) only to come back to my a-hole boss ranking on me about why I didn't stay on site.

Good news is those four tears were followed by the first and only time I dropped an f-bomb in business. The tears dried up, I freaked on the guy, and had him literally begging me to settle down and asking me what I needed (he was scared as hell I was going to quit because I was his top sales person).

In the end I got him….but I still regret crying.

Bottomline: good looks can play to your advantage in business situations, but when you get to the Executive Level, you find yourself standing in a hole that you never stop digging out of.

I have a feeling I may get hammered on this one, so pound away,
mV

Never, ever have I considered implants.

Even after they were offered FREE! from my enduring Paris agent, the King Haddad.

First thought;

"No frickin' way."  (damn smart for a 16 year old kid I might say)

Next thought;

"Make me a sports model, they never have big boobs." (quick con job)

Just like the The King was convinced. He laid off of me from that day on….only to go on to pester and ultimately convince other teenage girls to go for his sickly offer.

I realize at 36B, I am not the norm, as I regularly read and see, day in and day out, women of every shape and size whining about wanting fuller-scarier-freakier-in-your-face fakes.

So, I continue to bring to the forefront stories about desperately driven women who thought these alien boobs were the answer to their dreams but ended up with a complete and total, physical and mental disaster on their hands.

I bring you Christa D'Souza…..

Wonderfully beautiful, elegant Christa D'Souza, who was once obsessed with making her glorious, tight, firm sexy breasts huge as hell, and ended up mutating her body. A body that continually rejected the man made creations;

Not one time

Not two times.

We're talking three times.

And then moved on to breast cancer.

She proceeded with this beauty massacre mission against her partners advice, against her mothers approval, and basically against all common sense

In her own words;

"It doesn't matter how many times you've done it, how safe you feel in
your fabulous surgeon's hands, and how 'normal' breast implants are in
certain social spheres, it's a very violent, brutal experience having
someone slice into your nipples, shove those strange hand-warmer-like
things inside you and then sew them up again with a needle and thread."

This wisdom gained only after she endured years of pain and suffering only to end up back at ground zero.

"The answer I have come up with is to have those wretched implants
out, make do with the little breast tissue I have, accept that I am
going to have quite considerable scarring . . . and be virtually
flat-chested.

Having gone through all the trouble and
expense of implants to make myself look younger, the irony is I'll have
the same-shaped bosom I had when I was 12. And I can't wait."

I'll end by saying what most of you are thinking after seeing D'Souza's image;

The only part of her that seems to have aged is her face. Her skin, and what we can see of her breasts look smooth as silk, yet her face is strained and hollow.

That is a face of turmoil.

A face and psyche of needless self induced turmoil.

Does she resemble the face in the mirror?

If the answer is yes, I highly recommend you take the time to read Sweet Machine's synopsis of this story. Then print it out, fold it up in your wallet, and make a commitment to reading it DAILY until YOU figure out the REAL reason those fake boobs are so damn important.

mV

XO

I don't know where I have been, but nearly every single bit of news since Michael Jackson's death is shocking me…drug addict, bankrupt, anorexic?

The thought of any one individual going through such turmoil is so sad and disturbing isn't it?

He was probably the saddest case of body dimorphic disorder (BDD) since Jocelyn Wildenstein and he has always been super thin….but I guess it never even dawned on me he could have an eating disorder.

Weird.

If Jackson did indeed have anorexia, it makes this story all the more horrible. Thinking of him alone suffering with such a disease, on top of all the other things the guy had working against him.

My children have been asking all sorts of questions about Jackson;

"I thought Michael Jackson was black?"

"Why is he so skinny?'

"Why was he doing drugs?"

"Why do his kids have towels on their face?"

"That's the same person?" while looking at Jackson as a boy and now.

And possibly the hardest one to respond to "She's pretty."

What is a parent to say?

The truth.

Just like every other question your children come up with – I believe you just have to be real;

"Michael was a major, major child star, performing when he was a very young boy – younger than you guys are now. His dad wasn't kind, and I've heard he made Michael take medicine that only girls should have, that made his voice stay high pitched. Michael couldn't go anywhere without being followed, questioned, photographed, and judged. He took pain killers after an accident, and got addicted to them because they made him forget about his problems and lack of self esteem. Thats why he kept changing what he looked like - first he thought his nose wasn't thin enough, then his skin wasn't white enough, so be basically spent his entire life trying to be someone else."

I obviously left out two major points;

The child molestation accusations and possible anorexia…both inappropriate topics for their age 6 and 9.

The whole situation has just left me thinking about what an odd culture we are; we idolize people to the point that we kill them. Michael Jackson never had a chance, but he did have a choice didn't he?

And so do we.

I don't know about you, but I am keeping the Jackson coverage to a minimum in my home. If this freaks us out, can you imagine how bizarre all of this seems to a child?

-mV

Want to look hotter? Find a fat, ugly friend to stand next to, and bring on the Bacardi Breezers!

Jezebel found this doozie of a campaign created by some lumps from McCann Digital in Israel.

The site suggests that like Bacardi Breezers, ugly friends come in
several different varieties, and women should go ahead and use them to appear more
attractive in social situations.

The copy reads as follows;

"Lucy's rubbing thighs, magically combined with a sticking out jaw and drooping breasts will turn any trip to the mall into an unforgettable experience. Shop like never before with your own freckled pile of cellulite."

On to Sally who gives you the attractive edge because shes "97 kilograms of femininity, strength and double chins. No tire can disguise the lumpy rolls decorating that body. Look your best without every visiting the gym!"

Since when does a marketing campaign targeted to women use fat hatred and our body image wars to sell products? Seems an odd strategy to me, I mean, what kind of woman would think this crap is funny?

-mV

Reality TV’s Battle of the Bods doesn’t need an introduction. The logo looks like it took all of 10 minutes for the designer to slap together, and the show itself is one of the most degrading I have seen.

But hey – women sign up for this crap.

Here is a classy clip where the female contestants shake their money maker, while the guys watch, rate, and salivate.

(Trust me, its worth sitting through the annoying video ad that can’t be skipped before the show comes on)

I’m telling you one thing – as a parent, there is no way I’d have this type of programming pumped into my household. If you think these shows don’t impact the self esteem and body image of your daughters, let alone your son’s attitudes towards the women in his life, you are fooling yourself.

MAJOR, MAJOR news on the thinspiration front ladies!

Nivea has come out with this breakthrough firming cream that will get you back in your skinny jeans!

"Discover your favorite jeans, and how they still get his attention," is the tagline with the print ad featuring a woman admiring herself in the mirror while her boyfriend eyes her up in the mirror.

Translation: This firming cream will make your skinny jeans fit.

Really? So firming our skin, will make our legs thinner.

 Wow- so you are guaranteed to win back the attention of your boyfriend who called you a lard ass last week and completely blew you off – what more could you ask for!

PLUS – this product is backed by Denise Richards! She is one classy lady… she doesn't have time to promote a bogus product (not to brag or anything but after using this product I actually look EXACTLY her in my skinny jeans).

TIP: Although the product doesn't recommend it, I went ahead and  slathered this stuff everywhere. Face, arms, stomach, neck – I am talking a full body rub down (note: hives, itching, irritation, agitation, frustration, and constipation are normal side effects, rare but serious side effects include inability to swallow, breathing problems, temporary blindness, night sweats, and panic attacks, but generally subside within 6-9 months).

Don't let the silly side effects scare you, because at this very moment, I am wearing my Sasson jeans from 6th grade. YeeeHaa! Nothing can stop me now!

The miracle we have hoped and prayed for has arrived ladies,and I can only thank the good lord above for Nivea, Denise Richards, and Tyra Banks who will be featuring the Nivia Challenge Winner on her show (you didn't hear this from me, but you just might know the person!!!)

I can finally, finally live again because now, finally now –

I am good enough.
I am pretty enough,
and dog-gone it, people like me!

-mV

Marianne at The Rotund clued me into the latest totally irritating commercial promoting the "thin is in" message.

Purex is running a new ad called "The Thinner Load", starting with the tagline "As things get better, they get thinner."

Since when? How does this relate to laundry detergent, washing clothes, or anything remotely relevant to this product?

Check this out; I grabbed a few screenshots to demonstrate the concept here, see the entire commercial here.

First, we see an old-fashioned wide assed gown..

Evolving to more reasonable female garb…

On to 90s career wear….

And finally, the perfect little skinny skirt reflective of today.

Well, aren't we lucky. Lucky to live in a day and age that we have ad agency guru's sitting around dreaming up this irrelevant crap, being paid a shit-load to do it, and as a result impacting the psyche of the entire female population.

Thinner is not better.
It never has been.
It never will be.

Being YOU is better.
It always has been.
It always will be.

We know this. We hear this. We believe this….but we are so damn gullible, its hard for advertisers to resist pressing our buttons.

So, can we really blame them?

-mV

A. Kate Harding's Arch-Enemy
B. Nut-job with nice hair
C. Anti-Obesity Advocate
D. All of the above

If you answered D, you are correct!

Roth is the President of National Action Against Obesity  (NAAO), a group dedicated to;

-Reversing the obesity crisis by eliminating disease and
obesity-accelerators from the food supply.

-Barring junk food from
child care centers, preschools, and schools.

-Eradicating
Secondhand Obesity™ (obesity handed down from one generation to the
next, as well as from citizen to citizen).

-Encouraging exercise
across all ages.

NAAO believes success relies upon wholly re-imagining what the U.S.
population considers “normal” food consumption and “normal” exercise.
They believe that when the majority is overweight, America cannot be normal.

So far, so good in my opinion….but from here she goes off the deep end.

-She is a woman who admits to "not eating until she has exercised."(so be it if she doesn't get to the gym until 4 o'clock in the afternoon).

-She is a mother of two girls who is surely screwing with their precious little heads, which will undoubtedly result in a life time of deprogramming.

-She describes obesity as "abuse of our children and ourselves." This seems to be over the top language to attract attention to her cause. Can't blame her…America loves this crap…say something outrageous and you are sure to be booked on O'Reilly the next day.

-She is a total poser which only serves to reduce her credibility.

Here's my take on the topic after much research and a mother of two happy, healthy children;

-Obesity is part hereditary, some of us are born with the tendency to weigh on the heavy side – I don't believe this is a choice nor is it a sin. Roth comes from an obese family, as does her husband – but based on her lifestyle is she really "living life" with the obsessive exercise and calorie restriction it takes her to remain thin?

-Obesity can be an eating disorder, psychological in nature, and not a deliberate act on the part of the overweight individual. To call it "abuse" is just plain ignorant and cruel.

  -Obesity is  a result of capitalism and marketing. The almighty dollar rules, so we are fed products pumped with every chemical known to man in an effort to make us salivate for more. More education is the key here.

BUT – at the end of the day, we all make choices. There is no one shoving junk food down our throats. As adults and parents we have a responsibility to:

-Educate ourselves on which foods are healthy, natural and good for our physical and mental well being.

-Teach our children about the basic food pyramid, make regular home cooked meals in order to practice what we preach, while also allowing treats to be a normal, regular part of our daily diet.

-Live a balanced life, joining our children in activities and sports,  encouraging mental and physical well being.

Bottom line,  MeMe is all about MeMe. Her message is irresponsible and self serving. She needs to come to the solid midwestern community I live in, to see a whole different world of responsible parents, nutrition based school programs, and active healthy kids that don't need to be protected from the big, bad food industry as Ms. Roth would lead us to believe.

Where do you stand on the issue?

-mV

UPDATE 6/5/09
More on MeMe thanks to Rachael

This eye opening post thanks to Sweet Machine "It's Hard To Be MeMe"

Beautiful.

You gotta read the copy. All of it. Go here to view full screen.

Thanks LM for sending

Now you don't have to stop your obsessive scale checking when you leave the house…just hop on the giant, public scale at the bus stop!

Brought to you by the geniuses at  Fitness First, dedicated to fitness by humiliation.

-mV

Maybe it's because we can't even walk through Target without being bombarded with ridiculous fat fear and skinny love as seen on this hilarious garden plaque….

What kind of person places this in her garden for all to see?
What kind of friend purchases this for her ole' pals so they can yuck it up together?
Why do we perpetuate this total and complete nonsense?
Why do we cover up pain with humor?
Why in the hell is this acceptable??

Plus, it's not like some Granny is widdling these things out for the local craft fair…this is Target for god's sake, the manufacturer of this product had to be damn sure they would sell a couple million of these in order to afford mass production. Think about that- our society has become this accustomed to making fun of FAT. This accustomed to female competition on body size, that it has become a complete and  total joke.

And finally, how exactly am I to explain this statement to my 9 year old daughter without telling the damn truth?

"What does this mean mama?"

"Well honey, you must accept that our society is totally obsessed with being thin, so much so, that we pray about being a different person."

"What does that mean for me?"

"You are a loser if you are not thin, understood?"

"Can we buy a scale mama?"

Pathetic,
mV

I have struggled, struggled, struggled with the "trigger" topic. Over and over I have been asked and at times point blank told:

-Stop posting triggering photos!

-Post a warning on triggering topics!

-You must be more sensitive to those with EDs…

-You have to understand everyone is not strong.

Here's my question to you girls – where exactly does personal responsibility come in?

Here's my deal; I know that I am not being real if I post trigger warnings, or avoid pro-ana topics with thinspiration images…to instead write nice-little-fairy-tales sprinkled with gumdrops and rainbows, to create a safe haven for you.

If you can not handle the posts or images, it is your responsibility not to read this blog.  

Recovery is not easy.
It gets easier, yes.
but it is not easy.

Hopefully one day you will personally choose you are ready to recover. The day will come you will have to take that first step out into the big, bad world – and run smack into the most triggering-earth-shattering-thinspiration billboard on the planet.

**

Then what? Curl up in the corner? Or walk past it, head held high because you finally know who you are?

This is reality.
I'm a realist.
You must go elsewhere to be coddled.

Because girls, if you take this away from me, well… this blog is no longer a blog. It's just another pat on the back, that eventually pushes you into the water to see if you can swim.

You can swim.
I know you can swim.
So, I keep pushing.

My hope is that one of those pushes will be the spark you need to get on with your life.
-mV

XO

——-

**Dove Videos in full can be seen here:

Onslaught

Under Pressure

You don't know Kate Harding? Wake up!

She is THE queen of fat acceptance. And in case you don't know what "fat acceptance means," here is my basic definition;

-To be healthy at any size
-To be comfortable in your own skin whether size 6 or 16
-To be blind to an individuals body shape and instead focus on their face and expression (wow! what a world that would be!!)

Harding lays it out way better than I on her blog "Shapely Prose", and that's why she has been officially deemed the Queen of the Fat-O-Sphere (maybe she can work on Oprah's attitude).

Harding is living it, and she sure as hell is not quiet about it; in today's Chicago Tribune she rants on wild as ever;

"MY GOD! COULD IT BE???" responding to a BBC article suggested that obesity is largely genetic. "Hang on – I need to call my fat sisters, fat brothers, fat aunts and fat cousins and ask if they have ever heard of such a thing!

Harding questions some of the science behind the "obesity is unhealthy" argument, and states "even if you buy the health arguments, what are fat people supposed to do?

So, as a skinny chick with fat friends, I hope you will browse around on Hardings site….I think many of you struggling with anorexia will find similar struggles on the other side. And the rest of us will learn a thing or two about compassion and understanding.

Two other things to check out;

The B.S in BMI – check out this slideshow, you will likely see yourself in it.

 New Harding book with a title that says it all;
Lessons From The Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare A Truce With Your Body

mV

This story ticked me off the moment I saw it this morning on the Today Show. Here is the gist;

Cheerleading Coach poses nude for Playboy.
Cheerleading Coach gets fired.
Cheerleading Coach wonders why she got fired.

Media spins the story to one of revenge from a student who did not make the cheerleading squad.

Are you kidding me people? Where have our morals gone?

#1 Should she lose her job? UNDOUBTEDLY YES

#2 Is she a total bimbo queen? DITTO

 #3 Can she be a role model and a bimbo queen? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

#4 Is posing nude for Playboy a desperate act? YEP.

#5 If this woman worked at my daughters school, how would I react?
HONESTLY, I HAVE NO IDEA. THIS GETS ME SO FIRED UP, I DON"T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

So, what does Carlie Beck have to say for herself?  Hear her video response on the Playboy site, its located right above this HUGE BANNER promoting her FULL NUDE pictorial, it looks like a porn site for gods sake.

Oh, and don't miss her "bio" and view her cheesy T&A pics on this classy ATV web site. She's listed as 105pds "dry weight." How lovely, her mama must be proud.

Tell me why women want to do this?

For the life of me, I really, really do not understand the motivation.
-mV

Levi's used to be the bomb, but in recent years their brand has tanked due to competition from other small, boutique brands. I personally still love their jeans and their fit…but after seeing their recent ads I will hesitate to purchase in the future.

On Facebook this morning, I was served this disturbing ad of a young woman modeling Levi's that would fit about 1% of the entire population (no girls, this is NOT attractive).

What kind of marketing strategy is this?

This only further alienates their consumers, such as myself, who look to Levi's as a real American brand. Further, a look at their web site homepage shows some dude in skin tight, spandex like, Yellow jeans.

Ahh…I don't think so.
-mV

Ok, this disturbing tale has been brewing for a while, here's the deal…..

I found out recently that a father I know regularly berates his daughter by calling her "fat, stupid, and ugly."

This guy outright says his daughter, and all women for that matter, should be a size 2. As his daughter walks across the room, he asks her "doesn't that noise bug you when your legs rub together?"

If you are like me, you are hyperventilating at this point, so here are the questions;

• Is talking to his daughter crossing the line?

• Should I ring this dude's neck, kick him in the nuts or both?

mV

Why does this bug me?
- Maybe because shes a mom…hello? your kids will grow up and see this.

- Maybe its because I thought she was a class
act and she sure as hell doesn't have to pose for this semi-porn stuff.

-Maybe its because its just embarrassing to me. Isn't true sexy-ness being modest and coy?

-Maybe its because Jen Aniston just did a similar stunt, so this seems to be becoming a trend for the 40 somethings.

-Maybe because it appears desperate.

Cindy, you still got it, you are in top shape and extraordinarily beautiful. No need to prove it since this is very apparent with your clothes ON.

-mV

Thanks for the tip on this from Stephanie at BISJ.

Photos to appear in Allure, run out and get your copy now!!

The BlogHer Conference is in Chicago this summer, and I need your support to win a speaking engagement on a topic that I know matters to all of us!

The topic:
Blogs & Body Image: What are we teaching our kids?

Vote here:
http://www.blogher.com/blogs-body-image-what-are-we-teaching-our-kids

Panelists:
Roni from Roni's Weigh, Stephanie from Back In Skinny Jeans, and Melissa from Tales of a disordered eater.

Please vote that you would attend this session (we need to be chosen to speak, and she with the most votes wins!)

The event is sold out, however if more tickets are released I will post about it, so please let me know if you are interested in attending.

Thank you!!
-mV