Eating Disorder ProAna Blogger Focused on Body Image and Self Esteem

Beautiful.

You gotta read the copy. All of it. Go here to view full screen.

Thanks LM for sending

Could it be that the patient didn't have time to change out of freaky tights and pumps before her medical procedure?

How about the cell-at-the-side? Is it on speaker for a conference call? Is she worried she will miss some action on twitter? WTF big time.

Moving on. Let's check out an actual face lift.

It's called a "face lift" what did we think it would look like?

Pretty, pretty.
-mV

See more of Lauren Greenfield's images here.
Click on "search image database" for more grizly pics.

Take a wild guess how much money we, that's women, spend per year on beauty products?

160 BILLION dollars annually

That would be billion with a capital 'B.' 

Think about that for a sec…$160,000,000,000 to cover, correct, paste, stretch, and mold our horribly defective frames into acceptable shape.

Lauren Greenfield, the producer of THIN documented the habits of 6 New York women to find some spending $1700 per month to maintain their imaginary beautified selves. Some admitted to sending more than rent (crap, that is more than my mortgage).

You know what struck me when I saw these images?

They all look tense. 

Tense and self conscience. 

Self conscience and unhappy.

Let's check out some of the beauty junkies the documentary followed (see full slide show here);

26 year-old, Ginger spends $650 a month on her physical appearance. At Manhattan’s store Sephora, Ginger shops alone for cosmetics because her friends know she will spend hours.

mV: I've always thought Sephora is a bit psycho. Not sure how you would spend hours there, but that is besides the point. Next time you are there pop in and look at the all the teeny, tiny potions in the back that will set you back about $100 each.

New York City actress Cameron (25) spends $620 a month on her personal grooming. Cameron reveals that her hair is the key to her personality, ‘I spend so much time with my hair-stylists, they’re like my family’.

mV: Really? They are like family? Will they be at your funeral?Do you call them when you are down in dumps or do they just listen when they are taking the money out of your wallet?

New York City hedge-fund exec Suzanne (36) spends $1720 a month on personal grooming.  At ‘Skin & Spa’ cosmetic surgery center, Suzanne receives Botox from Dr. Howard Sobel, a treatment that she receives 3 times a year.

mV: Beyond my comprehension. And sad as hell.

Confession time…I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours! Here goes;

Hair

Every 8 weeks, highlight and cut. Kills me every time I write out the check for $115. That is insane, but I do it because i like the texture and life it gives my hair.

Facial Stuff

Wash, toner, lotion….all generic Neutrogena from Wally's (that's what the kids call Walmart). $25 bucks max, lasts a about 3 months.

Nails

Hands and feet I do myself. At least until my mom sees my feet in sandals and gets me a gift certificate for the salon.

Makeup

Maybe $100 or less per year. I love Rimmel brand, affordable and great quality.

That's a whopping $1,000 a YEAR. That's what, about $90 or so a month (even that sounds like alot actually).

Am I total tight wad or are these women above completely out of their minds?

-mV

Now you don't have to stop your obsessive scale checking when you leave the house…just hop on the giant, public scale at the bus stop!

Brought to you by the geniuses at  Fitness First, dedicated to fitness by humiliation.

-mV

I am finally ready to post about male eating disorders; thanks to my husband finding the book Skinny Boy by Gary Grahl at the library a few weeks back.

Gary Grahl is from Wisconsin…kind of freaky since the last book I
read Purge, was also written by a Wisconsinite. Plus he attended UW
Milwaukee – just as I did. That combined with the many references to
the Milwaukee Brewers, and Grahl's one time idol Jim Gantner, made me
feel like he was my neighbor going through this tragic hell.

Man, does Grahl have a story to tell.

You'd think I have read it all, heard it all, seen it all – but this one threw me for a loop.

It seems guys are burdened with the ole' perfection gene that us girls are, but in this case the body image focus was on sports, extreme (and I mean extreme) exercise,  literally working the human body so far beyond its capabilities…that Grahl is damn lucky to be alive.

I thought I was exercise obsessed back in the day, but I've got nothing on this guy;

- Grahl describes the pure panic he felt during inpatient when unable to exercise…but he still found a way to burn calories by flexing calf muscles and abs continually while seated.

-The bathroom was a regular exercise retreat, where he managed to burn the maximum number of calories within 3 minutes by frantically jumping, pushing, and lifting at a pace that defies all logic.

-Near the end Grahl is literally fighting this disease so hard, that he lost complete and total control of all bodily functions, and describes in grotesque detail what that experience was like. This section of the book took my breath away. I debated even reading it, and when I did, I wish I hadn't, but its probably good I did.

Because that is how ugly this disease is.

Throughout the book Grahl has an inner dialog with this "IT", a style I liked because it made me drop down inside this guys head and really get what he was feeling. IT was basically his perfectionist stalker…demeaning him at every turn, and convincing him that he was worthless (sound familiar anyone?)

Thank god he came out the other side, alive and well….only to go on to get married, have children, and help others suffering as he did. Grahl was so courageous to publish his personal story, and I am convinced his words are helping many others.

Another great read,

mV

Maybe it's because we can't even walk through Target without being bombarded with ridiculous fat fear and skinny love as seen on this hilarious garden plaque….

What kind of person places this in her garden for all to see?
What kind of friend purchases this for her ole' pals so they can yuck it up together?
Why do we perpetuate this total and complete nonsense?
Why do we cover up pain with humor?
Why in the hell is this acceptable??

Plus, it's not like some Granny is widdling these things out for the local craft fair…this is Target for god's sake, the manufacturer of this product had to be damn sure they would sell a couple million of these in order to afford mass production. Think about that- our society has become this accustomed to making fun of FAT. This accustomed to female competition on body size, that it has become a complete and  total joke.

And finally, how exactly am I to explain this statement to my 9 year old daughter without telling the damn truth?

"What does this mean mama?"

"Well honey, you must accept that our society is totally obsessed with being thin, so much so, that we pray about being a different person."

"What does that mean for me?"

"You are a loser if you are not thin, understood?"

"Can we buy a scale mama?"

Pathetic,
mV

NY Times reported today the findings of a 15-year study of young girls in Denmark, which immediately sent me into a tizzy.

The average age of
breast development has fallen by a full year compared to girls studied
in the early 1990s, as reported in the this months Pediatric Journal.

The culprit? Chemicals.

Chemicals that "mimic estrogen"
Chemicals that are known to cause cancer.
Chemicals that screw up the endocrine system of human beings.

Kinda like the chemicals that were used to make that plastic water bottle you are sucking out of right now. And the lunch you nuked in the microwave today. The one that is it is found in the lining of nearly every soft drink and canned
food product. Oh, and that makeup slathered on your face, don't even get me started.

Hmmm…could this be why breast cancer has gone through the roof? And the reason why girls are 9 feet tall these days?

"The concern is that early puberty is linked with higher breast cancer risk in adulthood," the study revealed.

Well, la-dee-fricken-da….what an amazing finding! Are we insane? Who the hell approves this stuff?

Shouldn't the warning bells go off when you are packing Coca-Cola into bottles made with "estrogen-like-cancer-causing" materials?

Nope.
Use 'em.
Get 'em out
Pump out production
Keep this wheel-a-turning.

Chemical paranoia has been one of my hobbies for a while now, having kids does that to you. We manage to afford non-nuclear milk, eggs, and sometimes meat. Strawberries are organic only, and our lawn is a dandelion field.

Hopefully this got you thinking about how you can preserve your well being in this oh-so- lovely-world we live in.
-mV

I have struggled, struggled, struggled with the "trigger" topic. Over and over I have been asked and at times point blank told:

-Stop posting triggering photos!

-Post a warning on triggering topics!

-You must be more sensitive to those with EDs…

-You have to understand everyone is not strong.

Here's my question to you girls – where exactly does personal responsibility come in?

Here's my deal; I know that I am not being real if I post trigger warnings, or avoid pro-ana topics with thinspiration images…to instead write nice-little-fairy-tales sprinkled with gumdrops and rainbows, to create a safe haven for you.

If you can not handle the posts or images, it is your responsibility not to read this blog.  

Recovery is not easy.
It gets easier, yes.
but it is not easy.

Hopefully one day you will personally choose you are ready to recover. The day will come you will have to take that first step out into the big, bad world – and run smack into the most triggering-earth-shattering-thinspiration billboard on the planet.

**

Then what? Curl up in the corner? Or walk past it, head held high because you finally know who you are?

This is reality.
I'm a realist.
You must go elsewhere to be coddled.

Because girls, if you take this away from me, well… this blog is no longer a blog. It's just another pat on the back, that eventually pushes you into the water to see if you can swim.

You can swim.
I know you can swim.
So, I keep pushing.

My hope is that one of those pushes will be the spark you need to get on with your life.
-mV

XO

——-

**Dove Videos in full can be seen here:

Onslaught

Under Pressure

You don't know Kate Harding? Wake up!

She is THE queen of fat acceptance. And in case you don't know what "fat acceptance means," here is my basic definition;

-To be healthy at any size
-To be comfortable in your own skin whether size 6 or 16
-To be blind to an individuals body shape and instead focus on their face and expression (wow! what a world that would be!!)

Harding lays it out way better than I on her blog "Shapely Prose", and that's why she has been officially deemed the Queen of the Fat-O-Sphere (maybe she can work on Oprah's attitude).

Harding is living it, and she sure as hell is not quiet about it; in today's Chicago Tribune she rants on wild as ever;

"MY GOD! COULD IT BE???" responding to a BBC article suggested that obesity is largely genetic. "Hang on – I need to call my fat sisters, fat brothers, fat aunts and fat cousins and ask if they have ever heard of such a thing!

Harding questions some of the science behind the "obesity is unhealthy" argument, and states "even if you buy the health arguments, what are fat people supposed to do?

So, as a skinny chick with fat friends, I hope you will browse around on Hardings site….I think many of you struggling with anorexia will find similar struggles on the other side. And the rest of us will learn a thing or two about compassion and understanding.

Two other things to check out;

The B.S in BMI – check out this slideshow, you will likely see yourself in it.

 New Harding book with a title that says it all;
Lessons From The Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare A Truce With Your Body

mV

Jade has been fighting her eating disorder, anorexia, since age 8.

Jade is now 21. She has been in and out of treatment, and just six months ago she was hospitalized for her condition.

Let's put her on TV and completely exploit this ill young woman!

Jade has been "chosen" to be a modeling contestant ratings booster for Britain's Next Top Model.

Jade certainly does fit right in with fashion models of today, interesting how her modeling picture here looks as if it could appear in a magazine! She's a real pro!

Jade apparently does not have parents, since I don't see them jumping up and down to stop this circus.

Poor Jade is being set up. More pain, and heart ship will undoubtedly come her way….but damn it's gonna be great entertainment.

-mV

I read this book in two days.

It arrived in my mailbox on Friday, I started reading it Saturday, and last night I stayed up way the heck too late to finish it.

Generally, it takes me a few months to finish a book, partly because I usually have two or three going at the same time, and I am a slow reader. But this one would not leave me be.

PURGE, rehab diaries by Nicole Johns is not for the weary.

This is a raw, brutally-honest, grotesquely detailed novel. The pages resonate pent up anger, unsettled circumstance, and disgustingly-gross-but-real purging episodes described in painful detail.

Damn, it's good – because it is so real.

John's takes the reader through her experience as a size 9, EDNOS patient,  living for a summer in an Eating Disorder Center in Milwaukee (my home town, which made this reading more intriguing, because literally drive past the places she refers to throughout the book on a daily basis).

One of the coolest parts is the book design, adorned with a great cover art and interesting fonts throughout. Inside, copies of Nicole's actual treatment papers are scattered about; names and addresses blacked out in bold black lines, handwritten journal entries detail each and every evil calorie, and even an official definition of "Normal Eating," which drove home the pathetic level we sink to with an eating disorder.

But the most important thing about PURGE, is it addresses, head on, the problem EDNOS patients face. EDNOS stands for Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Huh? Ed who?

For the record;

EDNOS sufferers are not underweight, in fact, they are more often overweight.

EDNOS sufferers look normal, all the while lurking below the surface is a young vital heart struggling to keep ticking.

EDNOS sufferers are blown off the vast majority of the population, until of course they faint, whack their head, suffer a concussion, and need to be hospitalized.

EDNOS sufferers can have blood pressure readings near zero, completely out of whack electrolyte levels, and most commonly live with a raw, burning, sometimes-ruptured esophagus.

Needless to say, John's represents the "typical" EDNOS sufferer weighing 137 pounds, all the while popping diet pill cocktails, starving, purging, and binging until she is hospitalized for fainting which leads to the real diagnosis: a concussion, electrolyte imbalances, and three different kids of heart-rhythm irregularities.

She writes PURGE to "inform the public, counteract myths surrounding eating disorders and treatment, and provide eating disordered individuals with hope."

I think you'll agree, she accomplishes all three,

-mV

————

Why not post your own story? Tell us what you experienced in an eating disorder treatment center, and help others along the way.

Ya think???!!!

This woman is 5'11 weighing in at 108pounds. C'mon-

A) How did she make it this far without being flagged an anorexic?

B) This is not an attractive figure by any means, so don't fool yourself.

C) This is a sick, sick world my friends. Keep your head on straight by avoiding this crap at all costs

Do NOT buy into the media/fashion worlds ideals, unless you want to end up very ill, unhappy, and dead.

Be Strong,

-mV

This story ticked me off the moment I saw it this morning on the Today Show. Here is the gist;

Cheerleading Coach poses nude for Playboy.
Cheerleading Coach gets fired.
Cheerleading Coach wonders why she got fired.

Media spins the story to one of revenge from a student who did not make the cheerleading squad.

Are you kidding me people? Where have our morals gone?

#1 Should she lose her job? UNDOUBTEDLY YES

#2 Is she a total bimbo queen? DITTO

 #3 Can she be a role model and a bimbo queen? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

#4 Is posing nude for Playboy a desperate act? YEP.

#5 If this woman worked at my daughters school, how would I react?
HONESTLY, I HAVE NO IDEA. THIS GETS ME SO FIRED UP, I DON"T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

So, what does Carlie Beck have to say for herself?  Hear her video response on the Playboy site, its located right above this HUGE BANNER promoting her FULL NUDE pictorial, it looks like a porn site for gods sake.

Oh, and don't miss her "bio" and view her cheesy T&A pics on this classy ATV web site. She's listed as 105pds "dry weight." How lovely, her mama must be proud.

Tell me why women want to do this?

For the life of me, I really, really do not understand the motivation.
-mV

Your wedding day. The day that you are full of excitement, bounding with energy, and beaming with confidence!

Hmmm…does this model look like she is ready to party?

Or is she ready to start balling? Or maybe ready to keel over?

The designer of these gowns is Amsale, brought to us straight from Ethiopia. Yes, Ethiopia, the country that suffered the 1985 famine that wiped out over 1 million people due to starvation. Wouldn't you think this woman would know better?

Here's her mission statement from her site;

Are you blind? This is not confidence in the eyes of your models. It's death warmed over. It's the quite obvious look of suffering and forced starvation. I would think this misery should be quite familiar to you if you bothered to care.
       
Are these bridesmaids or zombies? Both appear gaunt and tired, and the waif on the right is leaning to the side like she could drop any minute.

"In Ethiopia there were no fashion designers. I never knew that
designing beautiful clothes was a profession to which one could aspire," says Amsale.

Could it be that the people of Ethiopia have more important things to worry about than materialism? Perhaps they are most concerned with feeding their children than wrapping themselves in some overpriced garb created by a pompous designer who has forgotten her roots.

Amsale, you should be ashamed of yourself for parading these sickly girls out on stage to satisfy your ego trip.

Wake up and get real,
mV

I'm reading "You would be so pretty if…" by Dana Chadwick in preparation for a BlogHer session I may be leading.

The title made me think back to when I have heard these words from someone, so it made me curious as to what hurtful comments all of you have buried over the years.

"You'd be so pretty if you just wore a little more makeup."

This one was basically saying I was a "plain Jane" and I should jazz it up a bit. I basically let it roll off, but it did kind of bug me anyway because it was just such an necessary thing to say.

"You'd be so pretty with a little more color."

Ok, I know I am a major whitey – but that is by choice. This is perhaps the one good thing I learned from the modeling days – stay out of the sun. This was to of course protect my skin from wrinkles but also because any sort of tan line was a no-no.

So, it's your turn. Tell me when you heard someone utter these words and how you felt.

-mV

Lay it on me…what’s playing on your I-Pod today?

For me it is an old-ey- but goody:

Band: Public Enemy

Song: He Got Game

Favorite lyrics:

Now if you take heed to the words of wisdom
that are written on the walls of life
then universally, we will stand and divided we will fall
because love conquers all, you understand what I’m sayin?

This is a call to all you sleepin souls
Wake up and take control of your own cipher
And be on the lookout for the spirit snipers
tryin to steal your light, y’knowhutI’msayin?

Look within-side yourself, for peace
Give thanks, live life and release
You dig me? You got me?

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y_VFGrGnCE&hl=en&fs=1]

Is Vegetarianism a teen eating disorder?

Time Magazine recently studied this topic, which brought back many memories of my early-teen-disordered-eating habits.

I was about 15 or so, when I decided to cut the meat out of my diet. I remember it clearly because I love meat, but no one would know it. 

No hamburger, no tacos, no chili, c'mon! And don't even get me going on steak, and pork tenderloin.

My entire decision revolved around one thing and one thing only;

MEAT = FAT

I know now, of course, this is not true.

But it sure is easy to convince yourself of it when Hollywood is all-vegan-all-the-time, and you've got PETA exploiting it with skinny mini actresses showing off their bods to send the clear message "Veggies-R-Us"

The Time study showed;
-20% of the vegetarians turned out to be binge eaters,
compared with only 5% of those who had always eaten meat.

-25% of current vegetarians and 20% of former
vegetarians in the same age group said they had engaged in extreme
weight-control measures such as taking diet pills or laxatives and
forcing themselves to vomit.

Only 1 in 10 teens who had never been
vegetarian reported similar behavior. View complete report.

My experience showed:

-It's easy as hell to hide your eating disorder behind vegetarianism. In fact, people applaud you for it.

-Cutting out meat was a first step to the slippery slope of disordered eating, which then lead to convincing myself chicken and fish should go too.

-When you don't eat any meat…there's not much too eat at family affairs. You've created the perfect excuse at Aunt Betty's house, when she serves an all-meat-buffet, with a side of bacon laced potatoes. Suddenly, sitting there eating 4 lettuce leaves doesn't seem so odd so you fly under the radar.

I do hope this study raises awareness with parents that vegetarian-ism can be yet another warning sign of an eating disorder creeping its way into your child's brain.

-mV

Are you pregnant and struggling with your eating disorder?

Discovery Health is producing a documentary focused about expectant women whose pregnancies are exacerbated by a difficult circumstance in their lives. They are seeking an ED sufferer who is currently between 5-8 months pregnant to share their personal story. Payment for participation is $1500.

I can't help but be protective when I receive these types of solicitations….so please think before you respond. Think about how your involvement may impact you, and be sure this will be a positive move for your condition, and your growing baby.

If you are interested in more information, email me at mamavision@gmail.com

-mV

Levi's used to be the bomb, but in recent years their brand has tanked due to competition from other small, boutique brands. I personally still love their jeans and their fit…but after seeing their recent ads I will hesitate to purchase in the future.

On Facebook this morning, I was served this disturbing ad of a young woman modeling Levi's that would fit about 1% of the entire population (no girls, this is NOT attractive).

What kind of marketing strategy is this?

This only further alienates their consumers, such as myself, who look to Levi's as a real American brand. Further, a look at their web site homepage shows some dude in skin tight, spandex like, Yellow jeans.

Ahh…I don't think so.
-mV

So many posts, so little time! Here is a bunch of interesting info that has come my way that I need to share in Cliff's Notes fashion!

Pro Anorexia Documentary
Watch for "The Truth about Online Anorexia"
airing in the UK April 9th 21:00 on ITV. After it airs, it can be
viewed online here by those of us residing in other countries. I am sure
this will spark much conversation.

Cerulean Butterfly
Pro Ana support site or high school drama queen landing place? More to
come on this…if you have info to share bring it on. The stories of
admin abuse going on here is completely unacceptable.

Side note: This picture from the homepage of their site really, really creepy and it should probably be a warning to wannabe members that some evil-ness lurks inside.

Looking Glass Foundation
Canadian Eating Disorder center produced these awesome ED commericals with DDB. They will leave you breathless: