Body Image Activist, Eating Disorders mamaVISION

The woman in this picture is causing a quite a stir. Why do you think that is? Where do you think this image appeared?

Hold on to your undies girls — her image appeared in the September issue of Glamour Magazine.

According to Editor-In-Chief Cindy Leive, the magazine was immediately bombarded with letters and emails shouting pure joy. Think about how monumental this really is — have you ever seen an image of a normal woman's body in a fashion magazine? I sure as hell haven't.

Here's the story behind the picture; Lizzi Miller is a plus sized model (size 12-14 or "normal" sized woman) chosen for an article about "feeling comfortable in your own skin," which she sure as hell does.

As for the letters, Lizzi's loving them;

"When I read them I got
teary-eyed. I've been that girl, flipping through magazines
trying to find just one person who looked a little bit like me. And
when I didn't find it I would start to think there's something wrong
with the way that I looked. When J. Lo and Beyoncé came out and were
making curves sexy, I started to accept myself more. It's funny, but
just seeing them look and feel sexy enabled me to do the same."

So now tell me, do you feel better or worse about yourself after viewing Lizzie's photo?
-mV

Hi Girls: I would like your point of view on a post on my other blog, WeAreTheRealDeal which is a collective blog by Body Image Activists.

Please view it here: Barbie's Shut Your Yapper

Feel free to comment there and here, I'd like to engage in our own conversation on mamaV since I believe this community comes from a different pov.

Looking forward to your thoughts,

-mamaV

Those of you who have been around a while, know Shelly Guillory. Shelly was featured in the HBO documentary THIN, by Lauren Greenfield, and she has been a regular contributor to this blog. I am happy to post this update on Shelley and the status of her recovery.

——-

Two years ago I started on
my journey of “real” recovery, not that fake, pretend recovery,
where I thought I was fooling everyone ( in reality everyone knew I
was faking and everyone could see through my bullshit).

No, this time was the
real deal. 

So I was off, full of giddiness and excitement because
I was going to make my life right. A day later the giddiness and excitement
faded. I had no idea what to do with myself.  Food was still on
my mind and it seemed like battling my ED thoughts was much harder than
just giving in and doing what they told me to do.  It had been
one day and I was already tired.  I had THE worst anxiety of my
life and felt out of control. I felt like a failure for trying to recover.
I wasn’t sure I deserved recovery. I had to keep reminding myself
that I had made the choice to recover and I wasn’t going too
back down. 

When I gave up my drugs and
my ED, I was very unprepared for what crept into my life.  I was
diagnosed with OCD, panic disorder, and agoraphobia.  I have wanted
to give up nearly everyday the past two years.  My OCD is existential,
so there are days when I am completely terrified of everyone and everything.
Literally. 

Things don’t look real to me.

People I know and trust
seem weird.

I have days when I can’t leave the house and panic attacks
come one right after the other.

I have many days when I wonder if having
an ED was easier than facing all this shit.

But this is real.

This is
what I was running from with my ED and unless I face it head on, it
will always be lurking around to pop in at the most inconvenient time.
I need to deal with it now or I have no chance of living the meaningful
life I so desperately seek. There are days when I crumble to the floor
and cry.  Crying for everything I have lost and everything I want
to gain. Crying because this is way harder than I could possibly have
imagined.  Crying because the thoughts are still there and I cannot
run. Crying because sometimes it gets to be too much and no one understands.
Crying because I want to go back to my ED so bad and I cannot.

When
I am done crying, I stand up and keep going.      

There really isn’t an outline
for recovery. No clear, definitive way to beat an ED.  I am the
kind of person who wants a straightforward, clearly defined plan of
action. Problem is, there isn’t one. Damn, I had to figure this out
for myself. The most important thing I had to do is eat. Ok, I am doing
that, but was I prepared for the anxiety and the fight that my ED would
put up. Um, no. So I kept going no matter how hard it got.  I kept
eating and I found ways that work to battle back against my ED. 
So my plan of action was just to talk back to my ED. To get mad at it,
to laugh at it. I distracted myself.

I reached out and asked for help.

I recited positive affirmations constantly.

I listened to relaxation
tapes.

I took deep breathes. (I still do all these things)

I surrounded
myself with people who have “normal” eating habits. I watched them
eat (but not that crazy, obsessive let me watch people while I don’t
eat a thing). I was doing research. I watched them enjoy the food and
they didn’t feel guilty.  I wanted to be like that.  

I have had lapses where I dabbled
with restricting just to see what it was like because yes, I missed
it. Nothing major.  A day or two, a week.  Every time, I was
reminded that I don’t miss it.  I don’t want to go there ever
again.  I am trying to find out who I am and what I want from life
and every time I have a major relapse I lose more and more of myself
and I am farther away from living a meaningful life. I have fought everyday
minute of everyday for the past two years. I am still fighting and will
probably have to fight for a very long time.  

The good news…My fight has
been worth it.

I am more comfortable around food and two years later,
I am enjoying food and the guilt has started to subside.  I still
don’t fully know who I am, what I want, what to do with my life and
so on, but I feel like I am becoming an entirely different person. One
that I might actually like. Many things I thought I wanted when I was
sick might not be what I want now. People I avoided when I was sick
are now an important part of my life. I am learning to trust people
more, and relationships that I thought were beyond repair are now an
important part of who I am.  My mom told me the other day how happy
she was to have me back.

Now, I laugh more than I cry.   

I am venturing out more, trying
to learn new things. I started a dance class that I love. I am writing
more. I go for walks and instead of thinking of how many calories I
have burned, I am looking around and just taking it all in.  I
have read an embarrassingly high number of self help books.  I
play outside with my dog. I chat with my husband more.  

I am scared to be on this recovery
journey. I know where anorexia would lead me, but the journey of recovery
is different.  I don’t where I am going or how I am going to
get there. Perhaps I will never now and this question will remain unanswered,
but my life is whatever I want to make it.  It is terrifying for
me to not know, but every once in awhile, I find myself getting excited.
I can do what ever I want. I have a chance to start it all over. So
I try to embrace the unknown, to sit with it and not run. To be ok with
it.

  I have found more meaning in life in two years of recovery than
I did from 11 years of being sick.

It will always be an uphill
battle. I think it gets easier.  I am so much more ok than I was
2 years ago. So in four years I have to be more ok than I am now.  

It gets overwhelming, sometimes
it seems pointless to keep moving forward, but I just have to keep going. 
Recovery is not easy (in fact I think it is easier to be sick, but living
is much more satisfying than dying), but I will not give up. 

My
hope is that you don’t either.
It’s worth it
- Shelly

Past posts about Shelly and Thin:

THIN Women

Shelly Speaks

Polly Rests

(Shelly and Polly met while filming THIN and remained dear friends until Polly took her own life).

Cankles.

A new          A new term I discovered, which means basically – fat ankles. Mine have always been on the heavier side, not really in proportion to my legs and calves.

I'm here to say cankles are hereditary. My weight is on the low side of normal, and yet the cankles persist. Here's the actual urban definition according to WillRunForCake:

                     Subject: Cankles: Urban Word of the Day

“The area in affected female legs where the calf meets the foot in
an abrupt, nontapering terminus; medical cause: adipose tissue
surrounding the soleus tendon, probably congenital, worsened by weight
gain and improved in appearance only by boots. From the English “calf”
meaning wide portion of the lower leg, and “ankle” meaning slender
joint of leg with foot."

Anklets are a love of mine, but I have to search for a style that won't cut off my circulation.

My cankles look great in high heels, but in flip flops–not so much.

When I was pregnant, my OB said I looked like I was carrying 5 pounds of water in each one. Which actually cracked me up because she was right. She is the bluntest person I ever met, which is why I love her (it was her way of saying – cut down on the salt will ya lady!)

But you know, I've learned to live with them, and love them actually.

After all they are a part of me, and without them I would feel like something is missing from "me"

So if you've got 'em – flaunt 'em baby!

-mV

Check out my new blog dedicated to body image and self esteem. This is a collective blog, there are five contributors, soon to be more. I tried to pull together various different voices from the body image blogosphere – from fitness, to fat acceptance, to weight loss, and more.

WeAreTheRealDeal.com

If you have a chance, pop back over here and tell me your thoughts….like everything else its a work in progress.

Thanks!
mamaV
P.S. If you would like to be a contributor on WeAreTheRealDeal send an email to realdealgirls@gmail.com

On my way to Chicago, presenting a session
Blogs and Body Image: What are we teaching our kids?
All that YOU have taught me over the past 3 years has prepared me for this- and I could not be more grateful.
Question for you- what is the #1 thing parents should never do or say to their children in regards to eating/weight?
Love, MV X0X0
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Brown apologized for beating the living crap out of his girlfriend Rhianna.

Took him 5 months.

The apology self-preservation video is nothing more than a career saving move. His expression fake, while he read from a teleprompter for goodness sake.

HERE'S THE REAL DEAL GIRLS:
1) If he hits you once – he will do it again. Statistics prove it again and again.

2) Brown's fan base is teenagers, primarily young girls. Do you think parents of these young women are really going to drive their beloved daughters to see some scumbag girl beater? Not happening.

3) In know, I know – Brown came from a family of domestic violence (as did Rhianna). Then he should have seen the warning signs, and did something about it prior to the incident.

Do you really think a person goes from 0 to 60 in an instant?

No way.

This dude has been brewing for a while, probably pushing and slapping, and spouting verbal abuse – all while telling himself and his girlfriend it was "no big deal."

It is a big deal isn't it Chris? Your fresh faced-million dollar career is in the toilet and it's not coming back.

Here's the message:

ANY physical contact between a couple, friends or family members is not acceptable.

No one touches you.

No one.

You hold this level of respect for yourself and you will get it.

No exceptions.

-mV
XO

What do you think about girls, some as young as 9, visiting an "image consultant?"

I think it's whacked (plus look at the lady in the image coaching the kid).

Can we not just allow our kids to just grow up semi-naturally? Do we have to plan and organize and assist with every move they make?

The Washington Post reports on this hot young market in "The Minor Makeover;"

"In the past couple of years, the market of 12-to-20-year olds has
absolutely grown," says Los Angeles stylist and image consultant Abby
Michelle Moll, who works with adult clients and their kids. "It's being
driven by the media and the Internet."

The Post goes on to report that reality shows like "How Do I Look?" and "What Not to Wear" usually
center on the remarkable before-and-after transformations of the
participants. Maybe it was only a matter of time before the trend hit
teens and preteens. The idea of perpetually camera-ready teens is what
youth market analysts call KGOY, "kids getting older younger," which
is, of course, no new phenomenon. 

Jezebel's perspective on this trend is spot on;

"It seems a little strange that some of the issues re: self-esteem
are being addressed externally as opposed to internally."

Ya think?!

Let me tell you something – kids have a style of their own. They figure out this stuff on their own. From my 6 year old son demanding to wear ONLY silky sports shorts and tank tops (with no undies or free-balling as he likes to call it), to my 9 year old daughter mixing together the oddest get ups you've ever seen – and she looks so dang cool.

Parents, let's not butt in on this process.

Hold back on shoving what is likely YOUR insecurities on your kids.

Let''s give them a chance to grow into who they are meant to be.

-mV

Image: My babies on the pier up north just a few days ago.

I am spending the week in a glorious cabin with my husband, kids and parents; boating, fishing, eating, drinking, laughing, and unplugging.

We saw Green Day earlier this week in Chicago, and I nearly peed my pants. Tenth row, thanks to my wonderful husband, an event to celebrate our 40th birthdays (we were born 11 days apart). You would not have recognized me with black eyes, lips, and nails – fake lip ring….kind of scary but I liked how I looked (hey, everyone needs an alter ego right?). Crappy image I took with my crackberry at right (better than nothin')

Today, I headed to Girl Scout Camp leading fifteen third graders on a great summer adventure. I look forward to this opportunity all year long, a tradition we have shared since they were in Kindergarten, and I can guarantee I will be balling the closing flag goes down the last day.

Tomorrow the girls will bury me in the sand by the pond, while the other moms stand by afraid to put their suits on (but that is another story), and then on to the final celebration where the girls throw pies in my face.

Love it, love it, love it.

At left, is a poster I found hanging in one of the cabins today…we have got to start working on 'em early.

Next week, I am gearing up for BlogHer, thee blog event of the year held in Chicago. I have never attended so it should be interesting. I assembled a panel of bloggers that I feel represent the body image perspective from all angles, and I am proud to say we won the vote to host a "Room of Our Own" session, sponsored by the Dove Self Esteem Fund titled;

Blogs & Body Image: What are we teaching our kids?

Be sure to swing by if you are attending BlogHer!

Check out these talkers while I am away…lots to learn from them;

MizFitOnline
Carla has become a buddy of mine, she has one heck of a following, and as you can see she is in phenomenal shape. At left is Carla's pipe featuring her trademark tagline – "Unapologetically Myself"  -which we will all be tattooing on our bodies for the session.

KateHarding
Queen of the fat acceptance blogosphere, Kate spouts her intelligent, controversial, f-bomb ridden "Shapely Prose" on her well respected blog. Her views on fat discrimination, truths about fat and health, and the B.S about BMI are must reads.

Claire Mysko
Author, expert on "girl psychology, and creator of the "Healthy Beauty Pledge, designed to be a formal commitment for those looking to breed positive body image for themselves and others. Read more about her new book coming out in October 2009, dedicated to Moms And Moms To Be.

Ronisweigh

The before and after pics of Roni are simply amazing. A mom, and an inspiration to those who desire to adapt a healthy lifestyle.

Stay tuned for the launch of a collective blog on positive body image featuring the bloggers above. More on this next week.

Unplugged for now, hope all is well gang!

mV

Never, ever have I considered implants.

Even after they were offered FREE! from my enduring Paris agent, the King Haddad.

First thought;

"No frickin' way."  (damn smart for a 16 year old kid I might say)

Next thought;

"Make me a sports model, they never have big boobs." (quick con job)

Just like the The King was convinced. He laid off of me from that day on….only to go on to pester and ultimately convince other teenage girls to go for his sickly offer.

I realize at 36B, I am not the norm, as I regularly read and see, day in and day out, women of every shape and size whining about wanting fuller-scarier-freakier-in-your-face fakes.

So, I continue to bring to the forefront stories about desperately driven women who thought these alien boobs were the answer to their dreams but ended up with a complete and total, physical and mental disaster on their hands.

I bring you Christa D'Souza…..

Wonderfully beautiful, elegant Christa D'Souza, who was once obsessed with making her glorious, tight, firm sexy breasts huge as hell, and ended up mutating her body. A body that continually rejected the man made creations;

Not one time

Not two times.

We're talking three times.

And then moved on to breast cancer.

She proceeded with this beauty massacre mission against her partners advice, against her mothers approval, and basically against all common sense

In her own words;

"It doesn't matter how many times you've done it, how safe you feel in
your fabulous surgeon's hands, and how 'normal' breast implants are in
certain social spheres, it's a very violent, brutal experience having
someone slice into your nipples, shove those strange hand-warmer-like
things inside you and then sew them up again with a needle and thread."

This wisdom gained only after she endured years of pain and suffering only to end up back at ground zero.

"The answer I have come up with is to have those wretched implants
out, make do with the little breast tissue I have, accept that I am
going to have quite considerable scarring . . . and be virtually
flat-chested.

Having gone through all the trouble and
expense of implants to make myself look younger, the irony is I'll have
the same-shaped bosom I had when I was 12. And I can't wait."

I'll end by saying what most of you are thinking after seeing D'Souza's image;

The only part of her that seems to have aged is her face. Her skin, and what we can see of her breasts look smooth as silk, yet her face is strained and hollow.

That is a face of turmoil.

A face and psyche of needless self induced turmoil.

Does she resemble the face in the mirror?

If the answer is yes, I highly recommend you take the time to read Sweet Machine's synopsis of this story. Then print it out, fold it up in your wallet, and make a commitment to reading it DAILY until YOU figure out the REAL reason those fake boobs are so damn important.

mV

XO