I’m not FAT.

If you’ve never suffered an eating disorder, you’ll think this woman is nuts.

If you know someone who has an eating disorder, you’ll have a renewed disgust for them.

If you, yourself, have an eating disorder, this is your mirror.

May you see yourself with the strength of this woman to let it all fly in the middle of the street because she knows she needs to do this to keep the monster away.  Just like me.

Caroline Rothstein performing FAT

But I can see the truth in her eyes. She is still fat to the world and to herself. And I am not sure I believe there is a cure. We can hope, we can try, we can beg, but this is the world we live in so we can’t run from ourselves no matter how much passion we put behind it.

Our only hope is to surround ourselves with those who see through it, to the real us. I speak of those who need the exact same in return.

But we still have to return home to our own reflections. Our own thoughts. Our own body standards. And the thoughts don’t really ever stop although we claim they do.

Not even Lady Gaga can escape…but I am willing to watch her try.


About mamaV

Former Paris model providing advice for eating disorder sufferers who aspire to be thin, follow the proana lifestyle, and lack self esteem.
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3 Responses to I’m not FAT.

  1. - says:

    Are you okay?

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  3. phi says:

    I think your words on this video were really sad. She is not “fat”, and she is happy with who she is. It is great that she can use her talent to make such an important statement. She has moved past worrying about what eating disordered people worry about. I admire her freedom and philosophy and hope that all sufferers of EDs can develop their own talents and ideas in recovery. Perhaps it was just your fear of being fat that made you say she was fat and saw herself that way.

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