Holiday Guilt Trippin’

This is the top post today on AllTop. Talk about a guilt-trip?

Then we have the entire society totally focused on obesity, calorie counting, and restricting. How the hell are we supposed to be “normal” (it normal even exists anymore) with all of this shoved in our face 24/7?

In the eating disordered days, holidays were hell-a-days. I mean c’mon, entire days with the entire family talking, cheering, complaining, and focused on one thing, and only one thing F-O-O-D.

Total recipe for disaster.

I can remember those who knew of my condition eyeballing me during the festivities, watching every thing I put in my mouth. Then the busy body aunts who didn’t have a clue what I was going through raving about how “disciplined” I was for not having dessert while they shove in eighteen desserts fat chatting incessantly oblivious of the young ones watching and rubbing their tummy rolls under the table, thinking how maybe they should be more “disciplined.”

So, how did you all do yesterday? How are you feeling today?

Time to let it go! Tell us how you feel, felt, and are coping. There is something about hearing from others experiencing what you are that makes this season just a bit more tolerable.

Some off the cuff advice:

1) Limit your TV watching. Diet commercials are endless, followed by promos for Mickey D’s and Applebees. You can’t win.

2) Ditch the magazines. Ask your husband or partner to chuck them in the garbage when they arrive in the mailbox. The same damn articles are recycled year after year, you could probably recite the content from memory so what is the point of reading them again?

3) Scale watchers –make a commitment to yourself to limit the number of times you will step on the evil machine. We all know its in our nature to weigh in every five minutes, so if you a scale addict ask a loved one to hide it and give it to you maybe once a week if you can swing it. I mean seriously, there is no (none, zippo, zero) need  for any human being to weigh in more than that. You know this. You do.

4) Go to the gym, or stick with your regular exercise routine. On days you just don’t have the time or energy, so something different like throw the football around with your son or friends, take a walk with your daughter, mom, grandma, aunt or cousin— or just yourself for a great timeout!

5) Be kind to yourself. Serious, cut yourself some slack already. You are awesome just the way you are, and with a little luck, you will figure that out on your own. :)



P.S Here is one of my most cherished YouTube videos that I made a few years back. It’s my daughter, husband and I making an apple pie, something that I would have NEVER imagined myself doing, or allowing myself to do when I was deep in the ED hell zone….which proves there is life after an eating disorder.

About mamaV

Former Paris model providing advice for eating disorder sufferers who aspire to be thin, follow the proana lifestyle, and lack self esteem.
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14 Responses to Holiday Guilt Trippin’

  1. Ziska says:

    I purged, for the first time in over six months. My boyfriend has been stressing me, my grandma cant remember not to comment on my recovery weight (she’s in the beginning stages of alzheimer’s, so she doesn’t really remember not to comment, and doesn’t really remember that I’ve been at this weight for over a year), and finances are a problem. MamaV, recovery is just too hard. Maybe I’m just not cut out for it. :-( Especially during the holidays.

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Ziska!
      DO NOT GIVE UP!!!

      Your situation is tough — particularly the Grandma factor. Ahhhh, how the heck do you deal with that one. What is she saying that you look bigger?

      My worst memory that literally has not faded is my Grandpa telling me I looked fat on Christmas Eve. I was sitting by the fireplace, having a good ole time, and then the old grump comes out with that (no alzheimer’s btw). Crap, I am 41 years old and I remember it PERFECTLY. I was probably about 18 at the time. He had no idea how much that impacted me….but it is kind of like DUH!

      You are cut out for recovery, don’t even start talking like that. Holidays are not the best time to start making huge strides perhaps, but you can certainly not backslide.

      A purge is a purge. It’s done. Move on, it doesn’t mean you are now destined to go down that road again.


  2. mabel says:

    I’ve managed to eat at least without lots of calories.Still,I find it stressful when it comes lunch break.Today was my friend’s birthday.She wanted me to go to wendy’s with her and another co-worker.I felt reallt sad and grose after eating the hamburger and I purged:/I was afraid my friend would find me but she stood talking to someone at the workplace’s parking lot once we got back to work.I felt such a relief after doing it,yet I know it’s not good:'(it’s so exhausting the whole thing…

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Mabel: It’s ok. Just like I said to Ziska above, don’t think now you have to backslide into oblivion.

      Get yourself back on the damn horse and own it. You can do this!

      And know, the office thing is really irritating. During the holidays people really over do it, and they pressure others to eat what they are eating. Make a plan on how you will get out of future situations like this, you just aren’t ready for it.

      Take care,

  3. gabi says:

    I can understand holidays are hard…. try being a Jew, where all but one holiday (yom kippur… which is a 25hour fast no food or water) involves food beyond ones imagination. And every friday night, and saturday day with sabbath, where all we do is eat. Seriously and i kid you not, there is this concept that we get an extra soul or something on the sabbath cos of the amount of food consumed on the sabbath. On the sabbath we consume more food than we would in an entire week. Its true i promise you!

    I get the weirdest looks cos for me to eat “normally” i have to say no thank you to the first, second and third courses we serve up usually saying yes to the 4th. But now I dnt eat meat, I ony eat the soup which is around the second or third (depending whos cooked and where you are) and some fruit for dessert as people dont understand me, and what would literally happen to me if i ate that amount of food.

    Happy holidays to you all! Im glad im not american cos adding that onto being a jew all i can say is god help me! ALthough being british aint so great1

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Gabi: Yes our religions and traditions all feed into this society centered around food. First starve, then gorge, for what?

      I understand the meaning behind it all is faith, but times have changed and I would think that parents would hopefully be talking to their kids about what the meaning of the eating behaviors are and they they are not “normal” or meant for everyday living.

      It sounds like you handled yourself well in the situation. Take care of YOU first – that is the most important thing. And the god that you believe in will understand that.

  4. Araea says:

    For months I dreaded Thanksgiving and dealing with all the food. Now, that we’ve made it passed that holiday, I cringe thinking about Christmas. Christmas is the one holiday my family does big and no one has ever been able to miss a Christmas. I find the easiest way of getting through Thanksgiving is offering to volunteer at a shelter, that way I don’t have to eat and I’m not around my relatives for most of the day and I’m helping others… a win win!

    It wasn’t even the day after Thanksgiving and my mother was all you should really go to the gym tomorrow and work off all these Thanksgiving calories. Wake up call mother, I didn’t eat on Thanksgiving! However, I woke up bright and early the next day, like a good daughter and went to the gym and worked out for 2 hours and then went to Yoga and ballet at night. I just want the holidays to pass by already…

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Araea: I am so sorry that it seems like your mom is totally out of touch. Does she have any idea what you are facing? I would hope that if she does she would be much more sensitive?

      You’ll get through Christmas, focus on being healthy, and don’t worry what everyone else is thinking about you.

  5. Lamdas says:

    Had everything but turkey. Felt ok. No pressure because they know I do not eat meat.

    Haven’t b and p’ed in a almost a week. feeling ok.

  6. sarah says:

    Well, I got completely wasted on Thanksgiving and forced myself to eat in front of all my relatives. I have been starving myself ever since, I guess in preparation for Christmas?

    I finally made a counseling appointment Thursday. I’m horrified. I want to let her help, but I don’t want her to take this away from me.

  7. Elena says:

    Oh, my God! I don’t know how it is….but it sounds awful.

  8. Boner Killer says:

    Mamavision! I used to follow you on youtube, I was on there for a while under “antiquelens”

    Anyway, i just found this blog when i was researching EDs after i watched the documentary “Thin” last night, i was brought here and said “WAIT! I remember this awesome woman!”

    So hey! I shall add you to my blog list!

    Glad you’re well



  9. Anonymous says:

    The holidays are just THE WORST for anyone with an ED. I feel for all of you. Even though I am doing fine now and did fine over Thanksgiving, since I relpased three years ago and then pulled myself out of it, everyone still watches evey freaking forkful I eat. It is so annoying. No, I don’t want to have desert. I have to set boundraries, still. I had nachos at cocktail hour and a hearty Thanksgiving dinner including tukey and all sides. Can we just be happy with that? Three years ago, you couldn’t have paid me to eat that.

    I banned fahion magazines a log time ago. They are the freaking worst. I especially love how my nutritionist’s boss is mega famous, over-saw an ed program with refeeding at Long Island Jewish Hospital, but never shuts the hell up on her tv appearances on the Today Show about Weight Loss. It’s so annoying. I pay her firm to help me keep eating, not to stop. Aiye! Hang in there all of you over the Holidays!

  10. Kiki says:

    Hi MamaVISION,
    I’m new to your site. It was given to me by my nutritionist. After 8 years of having my eating disorder, i’ve finally decided to reach out for help. I have DEVOURED your blog. It is so candid and real. You tell it like it is, and don’t pull any punches. I realise that i’ve started the hardest fight of my life right now, and I hope that your blog can continue to be a place of positive influence for me!
    Thank you,

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