Eating Disorder Recovery Stories

Let’s here your story of recovery, I think these stories are motivation for all of those struggling!

About mamaV

Former Paris model providing advice for eating disorder sufferers who aspire to be thin, follow the proana lifestyle, and lack self esteem.
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3 Responses to Eating Disorder Recovery Stories

  1. Michelle says:

    I was never in the hospital or anything like that, but I did run into some pretty rough times.

    It was 8th grade when a friend of mine pointed out to me that I was depressed- I had never even heard of that word before she mentioned it. I tried to fix it, but family and life was just too difficult and rough to do so. In 10th grade, I had begun feeling the pressure to be something that I just was not. I was already pretty thin, but I didn’t see myself as pretty. So, because I could control my eating and not my skin or my horrific family life, I took out my frustration on fasting and staying skinny.

    My first year of college was when I began my bulimia tendencies. I would throw up after everything I ate-almost 6 times a day sometimes. Though this ‘phase’ only lasted about 2.5 months, it felt like forever. That November, I confessed to my older brother what was going on, he asked me to tell dad so that I could get help. When I confronted my father about it, I asked that he acknowledge the hurt and pain that he put me through in my childhood. He did acknowledge it, apologized, and I think that is all I needed to know- that he at least knew that what he did was wrong. My mother, on the other hand, still has yet to acknowledge the pain she put me through, which was even more severe than what my father did.

    I only went to one counseling session through the university. After that, I knew that I didn’t want the help that they were going to give me, and that I would do a lot better if I just started counseling myself. It seems simple now when I look back on it, but developing a plan for my own recovery (my family was very distant and not too supportive at the time.. I really didn’t have any friends. I’ve always kind of been my own island with more acquaintances than friends.). I’ve always been the girl to just understand things. I am logically sound and pretty analytical. So, developing this is not something I would strictly condone or advise against. It worked for me… for some it may not.

    I began by telling myself every day in the mirror that I am an amazing girl, beautiful from the inside out; once I regain my confidence, I will be even more beautiful. I consciously chose to walk across campus with my head up and a smile on my face- no matter what. These two steps dramatically increased my own self-awareness and my mental attitude. Once I felt comfortable with these enough that I could do both sub-consciously, I began to reach out.

    I told myself that my problems matter. They matter just as much as anyone else’s. My problems are not more or less severe than theirs, for I can only compare my problems with my problems alone. For example. Getting a C on a midterm was not that bad in comparison to when I found out that my dad was getting married without telling us. But, neither of those trumped or were below when my friend failed a class or when her boyfriend broke up with her. I began openly sharing the details of my daily life (not my past) with others around me. Lo and behold, I began to network and make friends.

    The next step was rough, but very necessary. Now that I was networking outside of my normal group of ‘friends’ I had to seriously evaluate all of my friends and see who is and who is not a good influence on my want for a healthy lifestyle. I said good bye to literally 10-12 different people in my life because they were not the supportive, caring people that I needed in my life. I also had to quit certain activities that I loved to give me more time to be me. I found that my over-involvement, though helpful to the university, was the source of much of my stress. One of the people that I had to say good bye to, unfortunately, was my mother. I told her that I still love her and that I am ready to talk when she is, but I could not speak to her until she stopped blaming what she did to me on me. This may or may not have been a bad decision, but it is what it is.

    The final step that I’ve taken so far is reassurance. I had to be confident in myself that no matter what would happen, I am always giving my 100%. I found a passion in life and stuck with it; in turn, it gave me direction and focus.

    I recovered because I knew life was meant to be lived- not to die. I also saw the superficial lives that celebrities and other girls around me were living. I didn’t want that. I wanted something more. Something deeper- something with meaning. Now, I am living an active, healthy life. One that does have stumbles, trust me. But, they are no more than 24-36 hours stumbles where maybe one thing just didn’t add up, but I was able to fix it soon enough.

    Though I recovered literally completely on my own for the first year- no doctors, counselors, or really even friends or family- some may need more than that. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Know that everyone is on this earth for a reason- you just have to figure it out.

    Was my recovery easy? Hell no. Is it still a struggle? Yes, but it is more of a sub-conscious struggle. As soon as you barrel through the rough spots in your life- it gets easier.

    I am currently in my third year of college. I’d say 99% recovered- once you have a mental disorder, it always stays with you. But, you can choose to empower yourself and move beyond it- pushing it to the furthest part of your memory.

    That’s all it takes, ladies and gentlemen. Commitment, and accountability. Be committed to yourself, but have someone account for your actions. Everyone’s recovery stories will be different- some longer, some shorter, some less severe, some with more stays in hospitals, some with outside help.

    What will yours be?

    • Michelle says:

      One thing I didn’t mention. The reason I’m still not comfortable with sharing my past is the fact that many of the people I am meeting are still just basic relationships. I plan to grow these relationships into deeper, personal relationships. That is when I will begin to share with others what I have gone through.
      I think it is very necessary to be comfortable with your past, even if you want to move away from it. I am very much past what happened in my youth and I do not plan to relive anything again. But, I am comfortable with it in the sense that I acknowledge that it happened, it was essential to allow me to become who I am today, and I am no longer angry or depressed about the event or at the people who were involved.

  2. miss kay says:

    * i have suffered with Anorexia (purging type) since age 12, in and out of hospitals, but this tells of being on the mend and ready to succeed! I am 24 now and living the life i deserve! full of love, friends, family*

    wow okay where do i begin? It was last fall i stepped on the scale and was absolutely horrified. I had always thought when i got to a certain weight my life would be glamorous, and great, and different, and most importantly i would stop… None of those pre-conceived notions were true, i was isolated, constantly paranoid, and reaching my goal meant nothing i needed to be better i.e. lose more weight.

    By this time i was consuming practically nothing, and purging anything i put into my body…even if it were a small animal cracker, i had to rid my body of it at once, sometimes occurring 6-8 times a day. In 2001, my cousin died of Anorexia/Bulimia, and i thought that was my wake up call, I promised to do better, and meant it, but couldn’t. Just last winter my dear dear friend died of Anorexia leaving behind a husband and two little girls, just a week shy of her 28th birthday. I thought for sure this would change me, it didn’t.

    July 17, 2009 (i was 23) i was at home alone while my family went on a mini vacation within my state. I took the opportunity to purge all day long on meager portions of cooked spinach. I began to feel severely dizzy and weak the final time, and passed out on the bathroom floor. I came to, and walked up the stairs to the kitchen to get the phone. I felt i hadn’t fully emptied myself and had to punish myself by purging again. I put 911 on speed dial, and unlocked the front door. I think inside i knew this would be detrimental, i proceeded anyhow. The last thing i remember about that day is waking up in a hospital….with the doctor telling me how lucky i was, and that if i did not stop now, i would be dead in 3-6 months, my body could not take anymore.

    After this, i went into treatment for the third time, and i finally got it- I CANNOT AND WILL NOT DIE FROM THIS, I HAVE TOO MUCH TO DO IN THIS WORLD TO GO RIGHT NOW, MOST IMPORTANTLY I OWE IT TO MY FRIEND AND COUSIN TO LIVE AND HELP OTHERS. I promised God if he saw me through treatment, i would do whatever it took to stay well.

    Today i am still in recovery, i teach at an after school program, i run a group called chica time…for pre-teen and teen girls to discuss their self-esteem/body image issues, i am getting married next summer to the love of my life who saw me through this process, and i am moving to a new state to finish school, and accomplish my goals that i gave up during those 12 years.

    i thought recovery would never be possible, i thought that i was doomed to my solitary hellish existence, and just be this shell of a person until the anorexia claimed my life…but IT IS POSSIBLE TO RECOVER AND LIVE AND NOT MERELY EXIST. IN THE MIDST OF THAT DISORDER THERE IS STILL A PART OF YOU THAT CAN SEE YOUR GOALS, AND THE LIFE YOU WERE MEANT TO HAVE…HOLD ONTO THAT AND FIGHT LIKE HELL. i know it won’t be easy, and yes there are some days that are worse than others even now, but it is so worth it to just take that first step, no matter how small it may be.

    * to mama v, i thank you for all you do in the fight to raise awareness and eradicate these horrible disorders. If it had not been for being busted on this site, i am not sure my parents would have gotten the magnitude of the problem. Your articles and videos and posts helped educate them, to know i wasn’t doing this out of vanity nor spite so i thank you immensely.*

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