I have an eating disorder, and my parents tell me I am a burden.

You are no burden. Ever, ever, ever. Parents who say this are not doing their JOB. A parents job is to protect you, support you, LISTEN to you, and give all their love and concern to you so you can recover. Have a listen to this video about this topic, I literally can’t believe I am hearing this and it makes me so saddened as a parent to hear these stories.

About mamaV

Former Paris model providing advice for eating disorder sufferers who aspire to be thin, follow the proana lifestyle, and lack self esteem.
This entry was posted in Recovery and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to I have an eating disorder, and my parents tell me I am a burden.

  1. Shelly says:

    Well, I am just a serial poster today (I am avoiding doing work)

    In no way do I think that people with ED’s are a burden, but I do think that a person who has an ED and refuses to get help or even fight does become a burden eventally. I was that person for a few years.

    The problem with today is that most parents dont have time to deal with a kid with an eating disorder. I have so many people tell me that their parents ignore it and dont make a big deal about their ed. This scares me and saddens me. What parent’s dont nderstand is that this can kill their kid and it isnt just a “phase.” In my opinion this is the reason so many teens dont feel like they deserve treatment…..Or anyone who feels they arent sick enough to get help.

    I agree with you….find support elsewhere and not in a pro ana forum. :)

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Shelly: So what else can I/We be doing? If this is so commonplace, there has got to be a place (that people can easily find), for support.

      This blog is a place, but I need to seek out every way to spread more awareness about it, and get the forum active again.

      A few things I am doing now:
      Please subscribe to my YouTube Channel and recommend it to friends. I am working on posting vids at least 3 days a week:

      • Shelly says:

        I think the biggest thing we can do is to just keep telling our stories and reaching out to tell them they arent alone and to take their ED’ seriously even if no one else will.

  2. Charlin says:

    I knew that there were parents out there but didnt realize how common it was.. I felt like I was so alone in this regard. My mother was so burdened by me that she finally kicked me out.. I just thought it was because she couldnt understand. She was nearly 40 when she had me so I thought it was a gererational gap sorda thing. I felt so responsible for her actions. I am glad to hear that some people understand how hard it is.. Thank you mamavision.. Your site has helped me understand my twisted mind like nothing else ever has..

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Charlin: Great to meet you, we both have twisted minds so let’s be proud of them :)

      In the past when I write things like this, I get bombarded by ED groups saying “Stop blaming parents, you are talking to teenagers who lie.”

      I mean come on. Even if a few posters stretch the truth, they are crying out for help right? I in no way blame parents who are loving, caring and would give their lives for their children — I am talking to the other side who could give two shits, leave their kids feeling to blame, or worse, don’t believe them.

      This is life or death here, why is that so hard to understand?

      YOU are in no way responsible for your moms actions, nor are you responsible for educating HER on your disease. I don’t care if she is 80, you are her daughter, and her JOB is to find help for you, support and love you.

      SO, if she is not capable, you have to go elsewhere as you are. Now you have to keep your self surrounded by positive people, find a reason to beat this devil of a disease and START LIVING!


  3. Amanda says:

    You rock my world and it saddens me to hear that many parents literally give up on their kids, what has frightened me even more than the above is…when one’s own health care givers give up on you!!!
    this has happened to me personally and was vocalised when i was in a severe malnourished state and extremely psychologically vulnerable…the unfortunate situation that followed was a suicide attempt, and thank god i survived to tell the tale, what you wil be pleased to know is that my psychiatric nurse was suspended and subsequently lost her job…TOO BLOODY RIGHT i say !!!
    thanks for your amazing support
    amanda xxx

    • anonymous says:

      It’s really sad that in 2010, with all the 411 out there, more parents aren’t aware

    • mamaV says:

      Hi Amanda! Thanks for the support! You survived for a reason, and one of those is to tell your story here.

      Believe in yourself always, and never ever give up.

  4. lostgirl says:

    Thank you so, so much for saying this. My mother knew I had an e/d. On a visit to her father she told me I had best eat and not embarass her. I ate, a little, and then proceeded to take a bottle of ipecac to get rid of it. She was furious with me. Not because she cared, but because I made her look bad. She said harshly, “I KNOW what you’re doing!” And that was the only time she ever spoke about it. The end result was that I never got treatment, and today I am in my mid 30s and still suffering from anorexia. Little was known then about e/d. There was no internet. There was no one to talk to. My family doctor once told me when I was there for bronchitis that I needed to stop giving my mother a hard time. I felt I had no where to go. We had no instate relatives and I had no trusted adults in my life. But still, I wish I had sought to find someone. My whole life could have been different if I had been treated early. Once one becomes a “chronic” case, recovery becomes all that much more difficult. I know many adults who were never treated as teens/young adults that just can’t seem to break out of this disorder.

    I hope these young people hear you, believe you, and listen to you. Life can be so different, but you need to ask for help as it’s so hard to get better on your own. I didn’t even understand what anorexia really was. I just thought I was an extreme dieter. I didn’t know that there was help out there, and even if I did, I wouldn’t have known where to find it.

    Your work here changes lives. I wish I’d had this when I was young. Maybe it would have changed my life.

    Keep talking. The work you do here is so important. I so deeply admire you for what you do.

    • Sarah says:

      This post’s timing is perfect!!!
      I’ve had a bit of a relapse, and when I tried to tell my dad that I’ve been restricting again and i had PASSED OUT from it, he told me “Well I noticed that you eat too fast, and then you’ll go back for seconds.” WTF?!?!?! I can’t tell my parents anything!!! And when I try I get shit like that from them. It really makes recovery so much more difficult when parents aren’t supportive, and when (at least my dad is) they’re part of the cause! (I can pinpoint the beginning of my relapse to when he yelled at me for some crap)
      Mama, I’m glad to feel like at least I have your support. Keep up the good work.


    • FreeEternally says:

      My mother ignored my ed issues from sixth/seventh grade on. Apparently I was doing all of the refusing to eat and passing out for attention and paying attention or acknowledging it would have been encouraging the behavior. Now that I have been at this for ten years I am wondering if it will ever go away or is this just how I will eventually find my end.

    • mamaV says:

      lostgirl: Oh babe, I am so sorry for you. What you describe is pure child abuse, its that plain and simple. Do you realize that?

      Thank you so much for telling me that what I do matters, I drifted away from here for a while, but I am back, and I realize how much this means to me- just being able to talk to people like you, meet others that share the same struggles, and make girls feel like they are not alone.



    • Shelly says:

      Hi lostgirl.

      Even though you have had your ED for a long time, you can still break the cycle and journey into recovery. It is hard work, but do-able. I struggled with an ED at 15 years old, but didnt get help until much later. just wanted to let you know recovery is possible.

      Hang in there.

  5. Charlin says:

    I dont think I knew how much I needed these words until, while reading, I was on the verge of tears..
    .. THANK YOU.

    • mamaV says:

      You deserve all the love in the world Charlin. Just don’t give up and don’t let the poor adult role models ruin your perspective of this wonderful, amazing world.

      Keep on truckin’!

  6. amber says:

    yeah i already commented on this video on the youtube, but in no way am i saying it’d not a burden-it is, i know i am inconvenience my family…but i feel like in a sick way i got what i wanted, pardon my French…but fuck them. maybe if they were parents in the first place this wouldn’t have happened, i am such a damaged person because i grew up with them that anorexia is only a piece of the puzzle. i love my therapist now, and im glad shes helping me while wasting their money. can you tell i don’t really like them anymore? you can’t win with some people. i’d also like to say my eating disorder was not a CHOICE, it developed from what i like to assume was the genetics of it all, my grandmother claims to have “done the same thing”, but i know in my heart if it wasn’t for the abuse i would be so much better.

  7. Lauren says:

    Thank you so much for this post.

    I’ve struggled with an eating disorder since I was sixteen, and it took my parents almost three years to notice there was an issue. And they only noticed then because I started experiencing refeeding syndrome and had an anaphlylactic reaction every time I would eat something. My mother was embarrassed to have me at school (college, at the time) after that point and took me out of school, and made me come home. Where my eating disorder got worse.

    Eventually, they came to their senses and finally got me some help.

    Now that I’m almost twenty-three, they take it upon themselves to remind me how much that help was and is costing them. And how I am such a burden financially. I still live at home because they’ve locked me in such a situation that it would be financially impossible to move out. They continue to make fun of my eating disordered habits, and tell me I should be over it by now. Now, I feel stuck and my life feels like it’s completely out of my control. I’m relapsing, and I know that. But I don’t feel like I can turn anywhere, because my parents want me to be over it and would refuse to continue to support me if they were inclined to believe I was relapsing. My only instate relatives tell me to stop giving my parents such a hard time.


    So, this was just something I needed to be hear right now.

    Thank you,

  8. "Julia" says:

    I have a long history of my mother thinking that everything I do is for attention or to be different. She’s also something of a compulsive eater. (She grazes on the wrong things when she’s upset and she isn’t getting adequate nutrition. Sometimes she drags her feet when we try to get her to eat something healthy. This has been going on since she was a kid and she once told me that she felt like “it was the one thing I could control.”)
    I had a brief stint where I stopped screwing with my food and switched to cutting. During that time she threatened to have me committed (she has no memory) and my dad told me he was “sick of dealing with” my depression.
    As soon as I stopped cutting I went right back. I don’t feel hunger and all I want is to be thin, so when left to my own devices I’m an instinctive anorexic, but when someone confronts me about it or I have to live in an environment where people can see me, I become a bulimic of convenience. As a result, my weight is normal.
    I have managed to keep this secret from my family for at least seven years (I can date it to my first journals) but I am afraid that my parents will never forgive me for it if I have to go into residential, which I’m considering because I just can’t get the cycle under control, and real or imagined, I seem to be gaining weight and I’m about to go back to college, which means no supervision. As badly as the ED interferes with my life, I am a TOTAL basket case when I try to go without it.
    What am I supposed to do?

  9. anna says:

    thank you. so much…

  10. LacyLou says:

    My mother has never told me that i am a burden, she has put up with me getting kicked out of school, cut from the gymnastics team. i “feel” like a burden because i have seen how much my ED and SI wear on her..
    My dad on the other hand has told me that he prefers me to have an eating disorder because when im in “recovery i get “fat”…he also tells me it’s my problem i can deal with it without therapy because he doesnt want anybody to find out that im “nuts” talking about my self injury…
    i have kept my relapse from my mother, because i dont want to “burden” her and make her feel like a failure… so parents don’t even have to tell you or act like you’re a burden to make you feel like one.
    xo lacy

  11. FreeEternally says:

    MamaV…I do not know if I ever told you how this post helped me. I was dismissed from IOP a couple weeks before this post because of my insurance not wanting to pay anymore and my parents were not willing to fight the insurance for me or help find a way to pay (because that would result in someone finding out). This video helped me continue to fight and find other places for support. I looked to girls in my support group that were a couple years ahead of me in the recovery game.
    Anyway…this video has helped me. Thanks.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *