BlogHer Here I come!

On my way to Chicago, presenting a session
Blogs and Body Image: What are we teaching our kids?
All that YOU have taught me over the past 3 years has prepared me for this- and I could not be more grateful.
Question for you- what is the #1 thing parents should never do or say to their children in regards to eating/weight?
Love, MV X0X0
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

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16 Responses to BlogHer Here I come!

  1. twistedSISTER says:

    For me they should never say “you need to lose a few pounds” or “maybe you shouldnt eat that, a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips”

  2. twistedSISTER says:

    oh and good luck with the blogher session! Try not to talk about us too much! we will all get big heads!lol

  3. MCP says:

    I think in general- not criticizing your child if they are a few extra pounds and teaching that there are no bad foods in moderation- let the kid have ice cream or a twix bar or a twinkie, but also encourage healthy things like fruits and vegetables. In other words- no Me Me Roth shit about needing to sign a permission slip to eat a effing cup cake. I saw her on O’Rielly last night and was so incensed I changed the channel

  4. SmudgerUK says:

    MCP, I’m with you on the “no forbidden / bad foods” thing, definitely. It introduces guilt and negativity around food choices…
    Instead of criticism, pointing out weight gain etc., how about trying to offer support in a practical way?
    Instead of, “You’re getting a bit chubby” or “Do you really need to eat that?”, why not introduce exercise-based activities into family time? (playing tennis or walking, cycling…)
    Exercise benefits us all in so many ways, and is infinitely healthier (in moderation) than pushing your child onto a diet.
    Also, kids are much more aware of your own body hang-ups than you’d think. If you’re constantly on a diet, or handing out big bowls of pasta to the kids whilst eating rice cakes yourself, you’re sending out some strong signals.
    Finally, one thing that has struck me when watching younger kids in my family is how often food and mealtimes are a battleground.
    (“You’re not leaving the table until you’ve cleared your plate.”
    “I don’t like that. I’m not eating that. You can’t make me.”)
    Food shouldn’t ever be used as a weapon or a stick to beat someone with.

  5. twistedSISTER says:

    Here here!!

  6. Rachel says:

    my most hated phrase from my mother: “Too much makes too much ” But generally, I think any parental criticism, no matter how well meant, is potentially harmful. I also can’t stand hearing ANY parent call their child fat- no matter how lovingly they might mean it- its just wrong.

  7. smudgeruk says:

    Of course, the opposite must also be true.
    If it’s unhelpful to tell your little girl or boy they’re getting fat, it’s equally damaging to comment and nag about them being too thin, not having curves or whatever.

  8. twistedSISTER says:

    I agree hun, too much of being told something can cause people to believe wht they are being told, wether it be too fat, too thin, not smart enough etc. If you constantly tell someone something they will believe it in the end.

  9. Jenny says:

    Have a great time! I hope you speak so much LIGHT into those that need it :)
    I have to say that a parent should never tell their kids what foods are “good or bad” or comment they are eating too much or never EVER comment on weight gained.

  10. Laura Brandon says:

    One thing a parent shouldn’t do is tell the other parent that THEY need to lose weight. It just makes the child realize that the parent notices things like that and then wonder what they think of THEM. I know from experience. My parents have also flat out told me to lose weight before. Once I lost 50 pounds, and my dad straight up said, “You look great! Now don’t EVER let that happen again!” and what happened? I gained it all back. So in the back of my head now whenever I see him, I hear those words and wonder what he thinks of me now.

  11. mamaV says:

    Hi Everyone! Thanks for your comments….I can honestly say we covered ALL these things – crap, these issues are so prevalent!
    More tomorrow, time for bed!

  12. Alex says:

    In my opinion…
    Never say in any context with weight or food.
    “You’re not good enough”
    In fact, never say that in any context to your kids.
    I feel that all the examples above are all going back to this one thing and that is that
    “You are not good enough, you’re too big, you eat too much, You shouldn’t do that, No you do that wrong.”
    I know what it feels like to be told everyday in an indirect way that I am not worthy, never good enough. Most hurtful by my parents…
    Love Alex <3

  13. Tiffany says:

    I think you should also focus on what a parent should say. In my personal experience nothing was ever said about my weight, so I had no idea how to feel about myself physically or as a person. I only had peer feedback to judge myself. I was never taught that my body was acceptable the way it was, so I was always trying to change my body type to fit an ideal. In my school a curvier figure was better… I am not saying that it is more attractive to be slim or full figured, but whatever you are, embrace it, own it, it is you and it is special. You should tell parents to talk to their kids and tell them they love them and why they are important. I had good grades I was an athlete, so they never thought it necessary to reinforced my good qualities, and that (among other things) led to an ED. When I finally told one of my parents about it she said the most hurtful thing, it was like she did not even care, or that it wasn’t a big deal. I felt like my life did not matter in her eyes. I am still coping with that.

  14. Mad Bird says:

    I admire you so much for taking part in that convention!

  15. Tanya says:

    If you are ALWAYS on a diet, ALWAYS unhappy with your size, ALWAYS staying at pretty much the same weight (give or take a few pounds), your daughter might grow up believing that she was actually fat even if she couldn’t see it (because your fat was invisible), restricting her food intake in an irrational way (because you did that all the time) and feeling like it’s perfectly normal to never accept the way she looks (because you haven’t been able to).
    She may learn by example. If your daughter is lucky enough to meet someone who never tires of telling her how beautiful she is, she might never truly understand the meaning of those words.
    At 28, she might still know the calorific content of every food in the universe. She might have accepted that what she sees in the mirror isn’t actually real and have frequent panic attacks triggered by getting dressed or thinking about getting dressed.
    She will love you forever but she will wish you’d been a little better at self-acceptance and could’ve spent your life NOT hating yourself. I mean people-you, not you-you.

  16. Heidi says:

    “You don’t need to eat all that.” or “You’re going to eat ALL that?!” or even “Honey, you don’t need to eat that. It is too fattening.” Any of these damages a way a child eats!

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