By: MCP

MCP — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:33:48 +0000

Hi C,
Thanks for your message. I am actually doing well now, although it was a very rough rough relapse.
I have to say that though I opted for out patient therapy- when you have anorexia- it’s extremely difficult. This is not to say that no one in therapy with any kind of eating disorder does not find therapy tough or that one person strggles with one kind of eating disorder over the other- so please no one say that’s what I am implying.
I am just saying, with anorexia, it’s hard because anorexics as we know hate gaining weight. When I was kid, my parents put me in every known facility in the tri state area for my ED. It’s a lot easiar to have people laying down rules that you have to follow, making you gain weight and basically force feed if you don’t eat which is what they did with me.
If you are over 18 and don’t want to go to the hospital- no one can make you go. No one is watching how many laps you run, whether or not you eat that meal, and how much water you could be drinking to fudge your weight on the scales and lying to everyone. When I had my relapse at 33, (I will be 35 next week) one of the doctor’s at columbia’s out patient eating disorders clinic who evaluated me told me flat out-I don’t think you can do this on your own. I’ve seen this movie, and I think you need to go in the hospital. Looking back, sometimes I wish I had but at the time, I was so entrenced in my anorexia that I was like hell no- you aren’t making do anything I don’t want to. Being a rape survivor, I pretty much have that attiutude whenever I feel like I’m being pressured to do anything against my will.
You have to be extremely motivated, but it’s possible. You have to really want it. I don’t know your area but I know that there are a lot of different options for out patient treatment. There’s regualr talk therapy, nutrition therapy- maybe you could google nutritionists who specialize in eating disorders. Also there are some treatment centers- at least there are in my area that have partial day treatment- some are a few nights a week for like 3 hours, and then they also provide options for more intense and longer day treatment
I don’t really know much about EDNOS except that I think it’s a category that they diagnos people in who have disorded eating but don’t fight the medical criteria for anorexia or bulimia. I believe binge eating disorder falls in that category. I read the post on that book purge on here, and I don’t really quite get it. I remember reading some thing she said in an interview, and she admitted to both restricting and purging. To me- that says you have both… which many many people with eating disorders do. I mean- if your scarfing and barfing and at a normal weight- to me that is bulimia. Bulimics binge and throw up and also have patterns where they restrict too so I don’t really understand why they didn’t put her in the regular ed category, but I haven’t read the book so I don’t know. I seem to remember reading some ridiculous thing somewhere that EDNOS also applies to how much binging/purging you do which to me is ludicrous. Ok- soo you binge and purge 3 nights a week instead of 7 times a week several days a week… it’s still called binging and vomitting which in my book = bulimia. Other ENOS’s I have heard about are ruminating- throwing up your food so you can tate it in your mouth but not all the way and re-swallowing it and chewing food but spitting it out.
So that’s about what I know. If anyone could explain the thing I said about EDNOS when it comes to people who have binging/purging/restricting issues and why it does not fall under bulimia, I’d love to know. I understand that if you aren’t underweight enough about not meeting the medical criteria for anorexia but the situation I just don’t get.
C, recovery is not easy, but it is possible. Take it from me. For many of us, it’s a lifelong struggle. It has been for me. I am sorry you are having a rough time. I’d definitely reccomend seeking help, but like I said, you have to want it. A lot of people with eating disorders don’t and I understand that because I was once one of them. But it’s no way to live. It’s a horrible horrible illness that takes over you and it can be very difficult to break from from it’s grasp. I am glad I decided to.
MCP

By: .C.

.C. — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 16:30:24 +0000

MCP – AWESOME story! That is so cool, that you fought them and won. I am considering recovery, and while I am wary of seeking treatment, that gives me hope that if I DO decide I would like some professional help, maybe my health insurance would cover it. How are you doing today with your recovery? Anything you can tell me about outpatient?
Smudgeruk – yeah, it’s scary what happens to your body. I realized today that I hadn’t – erm – moved my bowels, to put it delicately, in 2 or 3 days. I get weak, so weak I feel loopy. I have trouble sleeping and I notice that sometimes my hands/arms just go numb when I have been sleeping. Still, none of that is anywhere near as bad as I feel after a binge. I sort of binged today… I say sort of because I didn’t really feel out of control the way I do when I’m seriously bingeing, even though I ate a lot. I just kind of decided to try the rest of the things I’ve been resisting trying while in France, so I did. Meringue, creme brulee, pralines, chocolate, the whole deal. Of course, I feel sick now, and am going to restrict like hell to make up for it, but that’s what life is for me right now. Sad to admit, but there it is. I did try to throw up but I am not good at it (low gag reflex) and honestly I don’t beat myself up when I’m unable to too much, because I am a singer and I know it’s bad for the voice. One thing that keeps me pretty much out of the bulimic track, which is probably a good thing… Anyway, anything else you feel you can share about your life? I am really interested in the circumstances of other people with EDNOS, since I am a sufferer. It sounds like we’re in pretty different situations but act very similarly. Thoughts?
Love to all from,
.C.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:58:46 +0000

THANK THE HEAVENS ABOVE. this is fucking amazing.

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