Nivea Firming Cream: The miracle in a bottle

MAJOR, MAJOR news on the thinspiration front ladies!

Nivea has come out with this breakthrough firming cream that will get you back in your skinny jeans!

"Discover your favorite jeans, and how they still get his attention," is the tagline with the print ad featuring a woman admiring herself in the mirror while her boyfriend eyes her up in the mirror.

Translation: This firming cream will make your skinny jeans fit.

Really? So firming our skin, will make our legs thinner.

 Wow- so you are guaranteed to win back the attention of your boyfriend who called you a lard ass last week and completely blew you off – what more could you ask for!

PLUS – this product is backed by Denise Richards! She is one classy lady… she doesn't have time to promote a bogus product (not to brag or anything but after using this product I actually look EXACTLY her in my skinny jeans).

TIP: Although the product doesn't recommend it, I went ahead and  slathered this stuff everywhere. Face, arms, stomach, neck – I am talking a full body rub down (note: hives, itching, irritation, agitation, frustration, and constipation are normal side effects, rare but serious side effects include inability to swallow, breathing problems, temporary blindness, night sweats, and panic attacks, but generally subside within 6-9 months).

Don't let the silly side effects scare you, because at this very moment, I am wearing my Sasson jeans from 6th grade. YeeeHaa! Nothing can stop me now!

The miracle we have hoped and prayed for has arrived ladies,and I can only thank the good lord above for Nivea, Denise Richards, and Tyra Banks who will be featuring the Nivia Challenge Winner on her show (you didn't hear this from me, but you just might know the person!!!)

I can finally, finally live again because now, finally now –

I am good enough.
I am pretty enough,
and dog-gone it, people like me!


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11 Responses to Nivea Firming Cream: The miracle in a bottle

  1. .C. says:

    I don’t understand what this product is… can we get a little more explanation? Is it like a wrinkle cream? This seems ridiculous and with much potential for hilarity.

  2. MCP says:

    I used to be a big fan of this website, but, now, not so much.
    I understand thin creams and thin laundry detergents are annoying. But you could not pay me to come out here and say that I have an eating disorder because some commercial, some magazine ad, etc made me want to starve myself.
    This is where I think you take things way too far and over the edge. MAGAZINE ADS DO NOT CAUSE EATING DISORDERS. There is no such thing as a “Media eating disorder” While I agree the media iamges of thin is in does not help people with eating disorders, you have made it your mission with abesolutely no qualifications whatsoever to say that is the cause for eating disorders.
    As a person who has been through several hospitlizations, if you really care about helping people with eating disorders, then you should further study what is often the most underlying cause- RAPE, INCEST, SEXUAL ABUSE, CHILD ABUSE- a pattern of chemical addiction in families. Anorexia and Bulimia just won the house bill in the state of IL to determine them as serious life threatening BIOLOGICALLY BASED mental illnesses. While it is a free country and you can say what you want, you have no professional credentials to be giving advice to anyone, and I think you should really do some research on the reasons why people have eating disorders before you blame it all on Vogue.
    I’ve seen some of the most reknonwed eating disorder experts in the United states- they would have a field day with your theroies.

  3. mV says:

    Hi MCP: Yep, I am a rookie. I believe this is why NEDA contacted me to speak at their national conference.
    Your message does remind me of something I have been meaning to do for a while- update my mission statement. This blog has evolved beyond eating disorders and pro-ana, and I know I owe it to the readers to make this clear since you are not the first to express this conflict.
    Since this is evolving, the truth is that you may not relate nor enjoy these topics, so I do hope you stumble on another blog that will be more fulfilling.
    At this point, I have been focusing heavily on media influence because we are disordered eating society (both on the Ana/Mia side and the obesity side). This is more the direction I am headed.

  4. mV says:

    Hey C: Please re-read now, lol, I wrote this post after drinking a few Budweisers Sat night and I kind of went spinning off into never-never land (Man, what happened to me, I used to be able to polish off a bottle of red wine with a side of Cuervo and not even blink!!)

  5. MCP says:

    All I am saying is that, while I definitely think media doesn’t help, It can not alone cause an eating disorder. I think it’s great NEDA wants you to speak- you are missing my point. And I resent your implication that I am pro Ana/MIA. I am neither and in therapy.
    I just don’t think you address enough all the underlying causes for eating disorders. I think blaming it all on the media is the easy way out. As I said before and will say again, the media does not help… however… if the media were responsible, then every person on the planet would have an eating disorder. Am I making my point here?
    I don’t read fashion magazines… I don’t get bothered by commercials, nor do I watch Ms. America or Ms. USA Pagents. I STILL while in recovery have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 13 and am now 35. I do not hold laundry detergent and Nivea responsible.

  6. Christine says:

    I just saw this ad yesterday while I was working out on my treadmill and I desperately wished it could be true even though I know it wasn’t.
    But did you notice all the normal looking average people in the commercial for microsoft’s search engine Bing? I was annoyed when it tried to hijack my browser but I was impressed by the commercial.

  7. erinrose says:

    I completely understand where you are coming from MCP and I enjoyed reading your comments based on what MV posts.
    I am currently creating in the process od developing a 8 week workshop for primary school girls to promote positive body image & high levels of self esteem.
    After a fair bit of research and working with young women we have noticed kids especially need to hear positive messages…that encourage individualty, uniquness, diversity and confidence.
    I realise that is important to recognise the problems and i do not endorse the nivea advertisement at all…but sometimes i think it is more beneficial to focus on the the skills and qualities that will enable us to challenge the ideals, messages and stereotypes that are constantly driven down our throats…rather than the problem itself.

  8. MCP says:

    Thank you.
    I definitely agree, the media is a problem- I’ve never denied that the messages they promote do not help. But, I know enough to stay away from them- just like an alcoholic knows not to drink a shot at a party even if they want to. Even while completely staying away from the media, I still struggle with my anorexia even while I am at a healthy weight. Pictures of skinny bitches, Nivea, and laundry detergent do not determine a good day or a bad day for me. I understand that they can for some, which is why I think the attention Mama V draws to it can seriously backfire on people who seek her advice and help. Yes, it is a problem- the media. But is her giving so much attention to it helping people like me, or hurting? Just walk away. No one can make you do anything- you don’t have to endordse or subscribe to that kind of pressure, and in a way, I feel the air time she gives the media only further encourages the thin is in society. Whether she likes it or not- Advertising is a business. They care about making money and what sells… not whether or not some skin cream will make a girl have anorexia. It’s sad, I don’t approve of it, but again, I do not think these products alone can cause it.
    I think my point was, that that while I understand that this blog has evolved beyond such topics as anorexia and bulimia, Mama V still speaks about them enough and never commets or sheds light on the other psychological factors that can cause them.
    Maybe she doesn’t because as she admits, is not a therapist and probably not qualified to, and I can’t fault her for that. But, I am not a therapist either and even I know that you can not blame an illness as psychologically complicated as Anorexia or Bulimia on the media alone. To do so is very ignorant. I just wish since she is so passionate about the subject and considers herslef a leader and a positive influnece on these diseases, she would educate herself a little more about the very deep rooted things that can cause an eating disorder and stop blaming everything on the media.
    Anorexia has been around for centuries- before tv, before vogue, and before thin laundry detergent. So has Bulimia. If we did not have any of these things that albeit, definitely feed the the fire, I am confident that people would still have anorexia and bulimia. Sad- but it’s the reality.

  9. Sharon says:

    I saw this ad in one of the front pages of a Good Housekeeping magazine my mom receives for free. (I am also surprised at the amount of attention the magazine puts on writing about weight loss tactics and the like in almost every issue.)
    I read the conversation between MCP and mamaV and I definitely agree with both sides. I understand the new direction mamaV is heading to with her blog, but MamaV has already proven that we are a society of disordered eating society, this is already an accepted fact. I think it will be boring to devote all your blog entries to pointing out each and every ad that links a thin body or good looks to imediate happiness in life. There are so many of such examples, and many of us already are aware and understand the idea.
    However, we cannot completely ignore the media’s influence and only focus on things such as “rape, incest, sexual abuse child abuse, and a pattern of chemical addiction in families”. Both categories are important to know about, but the former category, namely the media’s influence, is something that is more preventable and defeatable and which generally applies to more people.
    MamaV does not promote “completely staying away from the media”, because this is not always possible. We could just not read fashion magazines, and watch TV, as many do (myself included), but ultimately one will encounter ads or billboards somewhere, see products, or hear friends talk about things. We need to look closesly at our culture, notice the trends, and that way realize how some ridiculous ideas have been rooted in our minds, and in that way, we can fiz our conception of the reality.

  10. MCP says:

    Sharon, thanks for reading and commenting. I do get her point, I do realize that it’s never completely avoidable, but I think she takes it to an extreme sometimes and reads too much into it. I can see her getting pissed off at the Nivea thing- but the laundry detergent was a tad overboard.

  11. Ami Doyal says:

    With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My website has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my authorization. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being ripped off? I’d really appreciate it.

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