Knob of a father needs a kick in the pants.

Ok, this disturbing tale has been brewing for a while, here's the deal…..

I found out recently that a father I know regularly berates his daughter by calling her "fat, stupid, and ugly."

This guy outright says his daughter, and all women for that matter, should be a size 2. As his daughter walks across the room, he asks her "doesn't that noise bug you when your legs rub together?"

If you are like me, you are hyperventilating at this point, so here are the questions;

  • Is talking to his daughter crossing the line?
  • Should I ring this dude's neck, kick him in the nuts or both?

mV

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36 Responses to Knob of a father needs a kick in the pants.

  1. michele Pardon says:

    ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!

  2. Alex says:

    This guy sounds like a real douche, not to use harsh words but I think you should sit down with this guy and ask how he would feel if his mom went around all the time calling him fat and ugly.
    I say this mostly because of anger, but the most important person here is the daughter and she is the one you want to be concentrating on.
    So in my opinion, cross the line a tinsy bit and talk to this girl.
    and if you can get a word with this father in between and give him a real piece of your mind, than that’s just great. Although, one has to be careful. This guy might get pretty aggressive if he feels attacked.
    That’s my opinion
    Love from
    Alex

  3. Lia says:

    Have backup waiting in the wings and do all of the above- or maybe talk to the daughter first.
    I know that nothing really takes away the sting of one of the people who should love you unconditionally calling you imperfect and ugly and fat, but maybe a sympathetic, competent voice coming in early in the game might help her more than even the harshest kicks to her father’s privates.
    If she opens up she might be just the backup you needed- armed with a camera, a recording device or an activated webcam. I’ve learned one thing about bullies and that’s that they’re real cowards. Put pressure on them and they bluster and threaten and might blow (so be prepared and know your self-defense), but more often than not they turn tail and run.
    Is there a mother in the equation that’s not a quiet mouse of a wife? Get her in on the talk with the daughter. If at least one of the parents stands behind her, she might not flip and may just believe she’s not worthless.
    (sorry if this sounds so frustrated.)

  4. Em says:

    Sadly, I’ve heard stories from many people in eating disorder treatments with parents/boyfriends like that. You should talk to the girl.

  5. Cuileann says:

    “…maybe a sympathetic, competent voice coming in early in the game might help her more than even the harshest kicks to her father’s privates.”
    Agree with Lia. I’m glad you can’t just sit there and do nothing.

  6. simone says:

    that is an abusive father who needs to be stopped. definitely say something!
    i think you should talk to the girl first. then definitely let the father know how you feel. i’d write him a letter, if i had his address!..just based on the information you’re telling me. parents need to understand how important their jobs are. what this man is doing is very damaging.

  7. Steph says:

    Been there…
    I would vote talk to the girl- I would’ve given the world for someone to talk to me and give me blog information and help me to know that he wasn’t telling the truth…
    I also vote- leave the dad out of it. Don’t actively do anything to him- it could make the situation a whole lot worse for the girl.
    Those are my thoughts…

  8. Lizzie says:

    I cant believe someone could be that rude to their own daughter, i feel like screaming at him now although that probably wouldnt solve anything

  9. Sarah says:

    talk to the daughter then kill the bastard and leave him to rot! I’ve seen this happen before and it does not generally ever turn out well for the daughter. Makes me wish we wouldn’t allow just anyone to reproduce. That man should NOT be a father!! And what does his wife think of all this?!?!
    I bet the man’s no brad pitt himself. Bastard.

  10. anon says:

    I say, talk to her. However, if I were in your position, I’d be careful in what I say to her about the father. Only she and he (presumably) understand the complexities that undergird their relationship. His comments are certainly disturbing, and, in my opinion, undoubtedly damaging. So again, I think it is completely appropriate to reach out to this girl before her father’s criticisms of her weight and, more importantly, her inner self (like calling her stupid), become too much for her to bare.
    My own issues were prompted, to a significant degree, by criticisms I received from family members. I empathize with the young woman you talk about and hope the best for her.
    anon

  11. anon says:

    one more thing, mV:
    What about speaking to her mother. From what i gathered, this is a friend of a friend and not someone you know particularly well. Yet, I wonder what her take is on her husband’s verbal abuse toward their daughter? Does it begin and end there (with the young woman), or is it symptomatic of a pervasive issue that affects all family members directly (in terms of such abuse focused on various family members), females particularly? Perhaps speaking to the mother (or perhaps not) may serve as a productive start. I cannot help but wonder how the mother of this girl reacts to her husband’s demeaning remarks to their daughter, if at all.

  12. I think if you talk to the girl, understand she may not be able to physically leave the situation, but provide her with some options for talking about what’s going on.
    Hearing from someone as amazing as you that she isn’t what her dad tells her she is, and that she needs to figure out how to block what he is telling her, I think it will help. Just be prepared with some resources as you can, because as you’ve said, this has been happening to her for a while now and damage has already been done.
    I admire your bravery. I don’t think I could just stand by and watch, either.

  13. Araea says:

    I have been told these things since the age of 9 and when I finally spoke up and told a teacher, she confronted my Mom, which then made our home life hell for me. So speaking from experience, I think you should leave the father out of the equation and just talk to the girl. I think talking to the father very well could make the situation worse at home, at least I know it did for me.
    Is it crossing the line, maybe, but with that said sometimes lines have to be crossed in order to make change occur. Cross the line, be a role model for her and in the end you could give her a future of loving herself, instead of believing she is worthless.

  14. mamaV says:

    Hi Everyone: I am glad to hear you are as fired up as I am!!!
    Bottomline: When I see here, there is no way I am going to be able to keep my mouth shut. Just can’t do it. Can’t watch a young woman be DESTROYED in front of my eyes (by the way, the commentary here is hearsay, but true verified by several well informed trusted people…so I have not heard him myself say these words to his daughter- thank god)
    The Mom: She is a bit odd herself. I once saw her whack her son on the side of the head in a buffet line because he wasn’t moving fast enough. Her husband calls her fat too, which led her to losing a lot of weight.
    Abuse?: I am wondering if I could call authorities stating verbal abuse. If hypothetically, I heard him myself, would this be enough to claim abuse?
    mV

  15. Jen says:

    I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere talking to the father. He is clearly disturbed, and he would probably just get really defensive and amp up the abuse. The best think you can do in this situation is befriend the daughter. Give her a strong, healthy, intelligent female role model (i.e., YOU!), and keep reaching out to her, as often as possible, to help her get a different perspective from the one her f-ed up dad is drilling into her head. Talk to her about eating disorders and how dangerous and wasteful they are.
    BTW, is the girl’s mother in the picture? If so, does she say anything to defend her daughter?

  16. Melissa says:

    Yeah I can see why it would be really hard to keep it to yourself but you have to be very careful about how you approach it. I mean in your video you said to get away from people who are treating you like that but if you gave that advice to a minor, you could get in trouble if she does anything drastic like running away. Just try to help her by being there for her and giving her someone to talk to. I would aslo try to leave the parents out of it because it could potentially cause him to react more harshly behind closed doors and may eliminate any opportunity you have to help her. So yes, help, but be careful!

  17. Kitty says:

    You NEED to do it. Think of it this way, you are saving her life. She may be one step away from suicide or developing an eating disorder. If her father was about to stab her would you step in? Essentially this is the same situation. You need to saver her life.

  18. Steph says:

    Hey MamaV-
    I still stand by the “talk to the girl, give her some support, help her out” opinion, and I also support the thought of leaving the father out of it- because it can make it so much worse for the girl.
    Hypothetically, to claim abuse, you would have to hear probably more than one incident of it- because if it’s just one incident, not only could he claim “joking”, but it would be his word (as a father) against your word (as an outside observer). Also, the girl (out of self-preservation) will probably deny it and say it was a joke as well, which removes you from the picture entirely- because the father will never let you talk to her or mentor her. Also- if you develop some rapport and a relationship with the girl, she’ll probably be more open with you and then if she trusts you, you might be provided with the evidence you need.
    I know there will probably be people who want to jump down my throat for being “passive”, but realistically you can’t just run in and detonate a situation- patience is an amazing tool. Did I mention I’ve been there??
    MamaV- I’m glad you’re fired up about this, and I hope you get a chance to talk to the girl… build a relationship- be the person she can rely on, and then she will rely on you…
    -Steph

  19. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    haven’t posted in a while but heres my 2 cens.
    1. I WISH youd have talked to her, I WISH someone would have talked to me when my grandmother did that! (btw im a size 0 and i STILL get her shit, isnt that frigging insane?)
    2. YES hit him! or no, talk to him maybe pull him aside but personally, i would make a sceen. id publicly hummiate him. id lt him know wemon arn’t to be treated like that beforeit gets worse. who knows, maybe you could snap him out of it.
    good luck heather

  20. aileb says:

    If she is in public school, then talking to her teachers or school counselor might help.
    They are also able to file a abuse report and probably have more information to add.
    They also have mentor programs at the school I work with.
    The school counselor would be your best bet!

  21. gabby says:

    I wouldt talk to the father. Even if that is crossing the line, i do not care. What he is doing is waaay more than crossing the line, he is destroying his own daughter’s life here. He has no idea what he is doing to her and if he does then he is a complete *******.
    If talking to the father results in vain i would talk to the girl.
    Ugh, I can’t imagine how bad he must make her feel.

  22. anon says:

    My dad said stuff like that to me as a teenager and I’ve been bulimic for 15 years. I agree with some of the comments above that talking to the dad may make it worse for the daughter. Also, he may not even think what he is doing is that bad. I WOULD talk to the daughter if I were you. Hearing from another adult that what her dad says is BS would help her a lot.

  23. Ann says:

    Talk to her. I had loving, overweight parents and I still had issues. I can’t imagine what this girl is going through.
    To be honest, I think you should pull her aside just like you said but also stick up for her when he makes those comments in front of people. Say things like “actually not everyone CAN be a size 2 it isn’t healthy. She looks great.” or flat out “how can you say that to someone like that?” If the father is ashamed or angry that you call him out on it, maybe he will realize what he is doing is wrong. Also, I am sure when he makes those comments you are not alone in feeling sorry for the girl. Probably everyone in the room wants to wring this guys neck.

  24. Kat says:

    I agree with you this is totally wrong. I knew a few friends in high school that said their parents called them ‘fat’ and this always horrified me. My parents regularly tried to do family activities to get us all to be more active which I think helped me loads more than being called fat by their parents ever helped them. Whats worse is they honestly believed that this was helping them lose weight because “their parents didn’t want them to forget…” Definitely say something to the girl first, and then the dad, and then take it further if it doesn’t stop. Verbal abuse can hurt just as bad as physical, the scars just aren’t as obvious.

  25. Kristi says:

    Talk to the girl. But when you do be careful with how you word things. Even though what her father is saying to her is clearly wrong, shes still going to defend him. I was in a situation where I was called fat for a while, and even though you know its wrong, it starts to sink in, and you still love the abuser. Let her know that shes more then a number, give her some resources and books to read, and I wouldn’t confront the dad, I would confront the mom. The dad is obviously going to be belligerent, he already is. I would talk to the mom, and tell her what you told her daughter first of all but also question what she thinks about it, and why she isn’t doing something about it. Their could be alot more going on behind closed doors then we could imagine.

  26. Heidi says:

    Kill the SOB!! He is ruining the best thing in the world….the baby girl he is suppose to love and care about! God, this makes me mad!! Tears….Heidi

  27. Christine says:

    Legally I don’t think you should hit him. I wish you COULD. You could try talking to him but he sounds like the kind of ignorant jerk that talking to would not work with. He sounds like a coward and a creep. Being supportive to the daughter is probably the only legal recourse you have.

  28. Ishmael says:

    Kick his crotch (or should have done that twenty years ago).
    Doing what he did proved that is do not deserve to be a father of any child. If his daughter is obese to the extent of endengaring her health, then it will never help the girl by berating that she is fat, ugly, or stupid.
    A good parent is a caring parent. And shouting to your daughter like not is not a good emanation of good parenting.

  29. Tom says:

    as a neighbor, let me know his email. I’ll act like I’m a concerned co-worker or some shit.
    Or I’ll go over to his house and regulate. Either way.

  30. kay says:

    i will jump in line with everyone else mamasita v, and say talk to the girl, have you heard the adage an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure??? in this case your words could be the very thing that sustains her until she is of age to change her living arrangement and to know that she has someone cheering her on to be the healthiest happiest her she can be!!
    we have a saying in spanish for people like that father
    “mucho ruido y pocas nueces”
    ~essentially all talk and no action~..but literal translation…alot of noise, and little nuts!

  31. Meryt Bast says:

    Befriend her and support her any way you can (I think giving her the blog link is a great idea). Maybe this martinet will shoot his mouth off in front of a better father of daughters and get his clock cleaned by said father. Here’s hoping.
    I’m finding it hard to be rational about this. My father died nine years ago. I’m 33 years old and still dealing with my daddy issues. I was his little girl — why was he so mean to me?

  32. mamaV says:

    Hi Meryt Bast: That’s the question isn’t it? How, in gods name, can a parent be so cruel?
    I am sorry to hear you are struggling with this issue as well, time doesn’t seem to heal this one does it?
    Just know that you are not alone!
    mV
    XO

  33. Meryt Bast says:

    Thanks, mV. In a way, I wish I *were* alone, because that would mean this particular wound wasn’t so horribly common. xoxo

  34. Oh No... says:

    Clearly his daughter is a victim of mental abuse, and should have social services called on him.
    Seriously.
    Mental abuse can hurt deeper and logner than any hit to the face.
    I know.
    Do it now, do not let this man destroy his daughter with words.

  35. joanne says:

    i wholeheartedly agree with the above post. verbal and mental abuse is just as damaging as any other kind and should be reported to child protective sevices.

  36. Kate says:

    That’s terrible. :(
    I know how much these words can hurt. My own dad would make comments similar to this, but I think in his case he just really didn’t realize the impact of his words when he said things such as, “Maybe if you start exercizing more you’ll be less flabby,” and other such comments. I find a lot of negative comments came from my friends who would comment on how I was fatter than them. My ex knew I hate my size, so when I wouldn’t send him some certain pics of myself (he asked both before and after we were going out) then he called me fat and a pig and all sorts of things.

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