Role Model

Many of you state that you do not have support, you don’t relate, your family does not understand. So I pose a challenge back to you.

Find a role model.

There is one out there for each and every one of you, but you may have to keep searching until you find that individual that gets you. The person who doesn’t judge, always listens, and gently guides you to the help you need.

Let the hunt begin!

Step #1: Your Parents
First and foremost, approach your parents. You can let your guard down, and tell them- tell them what you are going through. Although you don’t believe they will understand, the vast majority of parents will understand and they want nothing more than to help their children.

I remember when I told my mom about my ED, I was so scared, but I was so sick of it all too. It was so weird to me that she didn’t notice on her own, wasn’t it obvious I was suffering? It wasn’t. My mom is the most intuitive, loving, giving person, and even she did not see all the signs I thought I was shoving in her face.  So, you need to get over the fact that no one is paying attention to your issues, and understand they may not even be aware.

Step #2: Siblings & Relatives

If the parent route doesn’t fly, or they are simply not good role models, you need to look beyond them.

Many of you have expressed that your mother has pushed her body hate on to you. Or you have an insensitive father who calls you fat or is just plain abusive. Their issues are not your issues. Just get it out of your head that you were meant to be in this position and you will never get out of it. There is a way out — you just need to open your eyes, and trust you will be guided.

You need to look to siblings and other family members. Most of us have
someone in our lives we kind of trust, someone that has the potential to be real, so you need to reach out to them.

Step #3: Friends
No,no no – you are not stopping here. If you’ve gotten this far and everyone has disappointed you, take a few deep breaths and regroup.

You have likely been squashed to the mat. It sucks, big time. But you have got to get up again. When you get knocked down in life, do your crying, and then get up. Get up and keep moving.

Ok, so what friends to you have? Don’t say “none. Chances are you have pushed everyone away so you can immerse yourself in your ED. Call a few of those people back into your life. Take the chance that they will listen and that they will help.

Step #4: Teachers & Colleagues
If the family has failed you, your friends are not there, you then move on to search for people that it will likely be harder to approach. I am talking about teachers, colleagues, hell – try the gym instructor.

Guys, life is really rough sometimes. You may very well fall down several times before you find the right person, but you will if you persevere. No one said it was going to be easy.

So that’s the plan. Let’s do it and see where we end up.

What I see is young women stuck. Stuck in a pattern of self hate that has become the norm, it is expected, it is all in compassing.

But it doesn’t need to be- you just have to step outside your boundaries. Take chances. Make mistakes. This is all part of growing up and living life. And living life hating yourself not a life at all. You know this.

If you are ready, I challenge you to find that role model this week.

Figure out who that person is, muster up the courage to tell them who you really are, and let it all fly.

I am expecting we will have some good stories, some not so good stories. But such is life. The only way out of this big black hole is to crawl out. At least you’ll do the crawling with others who understand.

You are not alone,

mamaV

xoxo

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Post inspired by The National Report on the State of Self Esteem, Real Girls, Real Pressure, commissioned by Dove. Read it, absorb it, and tell yourself you will not be a statistic.

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15 Responses to Role Model

  1. FreeEternally says:

    I know this may sound rather obtuse but what is the purpose of a role model? How do you interact with them?

  2. Rochelle says:

    http://blameful.blogspot.com/
    He is my role model, lol. Someone who actually devouts a whole part of his blog to how obnoxious you are.

  3. Nats says:

    that would be a she Rochelle but yes she does devout a part of her blog to do that but you will notice that that address is her old blog. Not her new one. Anyway at least you have someone to have as a role model!
    I will try this, although I have opened up in the past and had nothing but “BS” back in return or have opened up and then the people leave my life for whatever reason. I will try.
    I used to have this one teacher at school, bearing in mind I left 7 years ago now and she left the school before I did. Well I have tracked her down and we are back in contact again, if all goes well I would like to think that this is the one person who will “get me” understand me, but more importantly, just love me for me
    Nats

  4. Lottie says:

    Nats, you deserve to be loved for everything! You have been thru more than anyone deserves to be put through. I am glad you tracked her down, i hope you find what you are looking for xXx

  5. mamavision says:

    Thanks for the lovely comment Rochelle, you have a knack for turning something positive into a negative.
    Nats already clarified, but that person is a woman, and guess what? We have actually come to be friends.
    I welcome the criticism, in your honor I will create a new “Rants” section so you can go on and on about how irritating I am.
    Take it easy,
    mamaV

  6. mamavision says:

    Hi Free Eternally: I am defining a role model as someone you not only admire for their morals, lifestyle and beliefs…but also as the person that you relate to, trust in, and confide in to help you navigate life.
    In business, I would call this a mentor. I always liked that term because it sums up the idea of learning from another the ways of the world.
    My life role models would be my parents. I admire and relate to the way they lives their life, and they are there for me unconditionally to help me through rocky times by using their wisdom of the world.
    My business role model was/is a dear friend and colleague who I meet about 6 years ago. He is from the South with the best accent, in his 70s, and just a pistol. He always says we are “twins born 30 years apart.” Our experiences together in business have been so meaningful to me, and I certainly would have never thought I would have developed such a strong business connection with someone from such an older generation…yet he taught me way more than the many executive ding-dongs I’ve encountered (all put together!
    With that said, have you found yours?
    mV

  7. Tiger says:

    Hey, mamaV,
    good post, good reminder.
    Me, I’m terrified to approach the parents–mother, really. The father has his own share of interesting food issues—counts calories, skips meals, etc, as of late. (he’s as bad as me! …..i know, bad joke)
    No siblings, and relatives are in equally difficult places, due to grandmother’s dementia, and care for her.
    Friends.
    This is where it is at for me, right now.
    My friends keep me grounded, reinforce the “must go to meals” theory—the dining hall freaks me out, so knowing who I’ll eat with helps a lot.

  8. .C. says:

    I will never tell my mother about my ED because she will worry too much. I don’t want her looking at every bite I take. It’s bad enough that my friend .J. (one of the only people I’ve told) does this. Some days I think I should have just starved myself until the wind could blow my wasted frame free of the misery that is this life.
    .C.

  9. mamavision says:

    Hi C: Can I tell you something from a mom’s perspective?
    Worrying is what we do. It just comes with the territory.
    But do you know what is behind all that worry? Love. Love on a level that you can not fully understand until you have your own children.
    I totally relate to what you are saying. My mom loves me so much she worries all the time. In fact, here I am 20 years after my ED issues and just last week she asked me if I was eating ok (I lost a few pounds from a medicine I am on). I understand that she will always, always worry that I am going to slip back there.
    Honestly, I BEG you to find it within yourself to tell your mom. Give her a chance. Just give her a chance. You will not regret it.
    I know this for sure- if god forbid anything ever happens to you, and she finds out you were suffering in silence….it will break her heart.
    Thoughts?
    mamaV
    XOXO

  10. kay says:

    mama v,
    I love this post i absolutely do. My role model in all of this is not only my mother, but my aunt as well. Two amazingly strong women who show me that i can do anything i set my mind to. My mother is not particularly emotional and we don’t do the whole hug, i love you thing, it is more of “she knows i love her”
    My aunt is nurturing, and caring, and i bounce things off of her before i tell my parents..it helps alot.
    i also have role models for my career interests..foreign relations and politics. I look up to all 15 females who are either presidents or prime ministers right now!! i have met three, and i actually keep in touch with one!!
    i honestly have to say i also look up to you. You came through this and you are utterly amazing, the work you do, having a life of fulfillment. It shows me that there is life after this, and i am in a good place right now (thanks in large part to being busted on the site which started the dialogue) and I thank God for placing wonderful people in my life to help navigate me out of torment and into a purpose minded existence..look for me in the future…ambassador of sec. of state..i am being for real!

  11. Araea says:

    One of my favorite post to date. Crazy thing is I can’t understand why because most of my role models don’t really want to be one…odd!
    My Mom is a no go, considering she encourages my anorexia. Always wanting me to be thinner, telling me lose more weight.
    My siblings are drastically younger so that would be inappropriate and given their age they wouldn’t understand. Relatives do not want to help me given their relationship with my mother. My Aunt is too worried about ruining her bond with her sister!
    Friends are of similar mind or just go with the old why don’t you just eat this burger!
    Teachers though are the winners. I sought out one and she pretty much told me it was not her place to help. She could only help academically. However, I still admire her strength and I think it is because she told me “I see a lot of myself in you.”
    So although I love this post, I really don’t have any role models, but I think in theory it’s a great idea.

  12. over40fun says:

    good post, good reminder.
    i would share it with my friends at ______MeetBoomer.com______

  13. smudgeruk says:

    I think my late grandmother would be my role model. I hope you’ll indulge me a little whilst I tell you a few things about her.
    She went through so much hardship in her life, and yet carried right on. You’d rarely hear her grumble about the frankly shitty hand she was dealt in life. She lost her first husband in WWII, her second husband to a heart attack at the age of 46. She was left to raise four children on a very, very tight budget – and did so beautifully. She was living proof that even when you think you’ve taken everything life has to throw at you, there is always some strength left in you to carry on and make a good thing from all the bad.

  14. FreeEternally says:

    I have never really had a role model. I have always kept everything in my life well contained and underwraps. I sorta started developing that sort of relationship with an older woman…but she has had alround ten strokes in the last year so she doesn’t remember a lot and we don’t really interact anymore.
    I haven’t found a role model and I don’t know if I ever will…mostly because relationships like that are scary and I don’t really get close to people very often. I have friends but none of them are very close and the only ones that are also have EDs or they self harm or party and such. They know a lot about me but I don’t forsee those relationships developing into positive mentoring typ things.

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