Totally whacked beauty products

 It appears the Japanese have one-upped Americans on the creation of the most insane beauty tools.

The Face Slimmer(aka Hanibel Lecter mask) is the latest hot seller on Amazon.

The concept is you will sweat your face off in this thing, and according to recent purchasers it is “tight as hell and it reeks”.

But hey, chubby little cheeks no more! Kinda tempting isn’t it?

Then again, it may scar the children for life, so I will pass.

Now pair this with the Slim Mouth Piecebuilt upon the concept that a wider mouth makes your face look thinner. Damn, I wish I had this thing back in Paris when my agent had me doing face exercises to get rid of my baby fat.

On to what is perhaps the most disturbing torture tool, the Nose Squeezer.

Man, this thing has got to hurt like hell! It’s basically a clothespin pinching your nose.

Gives me the shivers.

Finally, the neck. We all know our necks are waayy to short so now some genius came up with a Neck Stretcher to make all our dreams come true.

Ahhhh….when will we make piece with our face, our bodies? I fear never.

There is a sucker born every minute,


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4 Responses to Totally whacked beauty products

  1. jalynn says:

    those are totally wacko wow.. yet so crazy that I’m sure peope are buying them.
    I read your blog all the time and have for quite some time.. Its become a voice of some reason for me in this world of um crazyness. Thanks for you being you-normal, alive, living, breathing, true to self, passionate, oh yeah and real . I have to say I think you are beautiful- inside and out as a voice of true, and compassionate , yet of fire and reason on those topics that strike you. So i have to ask what you say or think of the shows “True Beauty” and um “supersize vs superskinny” I’d just be intrested to know/hear your take.
    I teach preschool… like little tiny kids … i’m seeing this in them.. in their play.. and in how they eat :( good girls=skinny-yikes-sick and breaks my heart. thanks mamaV keep on keeping on!

  2. viv says:

    just found your blog and this entry is funny….perhaps someone out there is dying to get their hands on a nose squeezer lol!

  3. smudgeruk says:

    That nose squeezer – I’m assuming, because it’s aimed at a Japanese consumer – that it’s to achieve the classical, “Eurasian” nose: that is, high-bridged, narrow, etc. I find that terribly sad.
    It seems like worldwide, the “beauty standard” has become, or remained, the blonde, white, skinny girl. I’ve even read articles about Beyonce – who is so beautiful – using a highlighting cream down the centre of her nose to make it appear thinner, and that bloody insane maple syrup diet she went on. The prettiest girls aren’t immune to getting sucked into this crap.
    I know I’m going off on a bit of a tangent, but it really makes you think about what is perceived as “beauty”. Despite having a very diverse, multicultural society, go to London Fashion Week and the vast majority of models you see there will be white.

  4. JD says:

    I have been a long time reader of your blog and I absolutely love it.
    In response to your post, I find the things people will do to be more “beautiful” to be somewhat horrifying. From plastic surgery and breast augmentations rampant here in the US to contraptions such as this overseas, it makes me sad and makes me wonder if women in general will ever be content with themselves, or will we keep butchering ourselves to fit an imaginary standard of beauty?
    When will women stop buying into these things, when will we stop being so gullible, when will we realize the beauty industry is feeding off our insecurity?
    Sad, truly sad…

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