I received a few requests to write about bulimia. The reason I haven't focused on bulimia up until this point, is because I do not have a personal history with the disease.
Here's where I need your help.
I think it will be beneficial and educational for everyone to hear your personal struggle with bulimia, a few questions to ponder;
1) Tell us the sequence of events that lead up to the first time you purged.
2) What recovery efforts have you made, and what advice do you have for other sufferers?
3) What would you say to someone who has just started purging and is headed down the bulimia path?
I look forward to reading your stories, and I am sorry I have not addressed bulimia more specifically up until now. As I said, I don't have a personal history with the disease – and that is because I tried purging only once in my life and I will never, ever do it again.
Here's my story;
I was about 17, back home from Paris. I was an insane workout fanatic, and master restrict-er, so it was a rare occasion that I would allow myself to overeat. I had watched my model friendsthrow up their cakes and pastries for years but I had never had the urge to do it myself.
On this day, I found myself eating some graham crackers, and before I knew it I ate the whole package (1 package of the 3 contained in a box- not a whole box). In my eating disordered mind, this was the end of the world, I was a failure. I could already see that I was fatter, and I decided I would get rid of it.
Home alone, I had privacy, so I went into the downstairs bathroom and knelt at the blue ceramic toilet. Fingers down the throat first only made me gag. Tried again. Again. Again. Finally, out it came, a brown crusty mess.
The evil food was out, mission accomplished.
I was not prepared for the face I would see in the mirror as I looked up. Bloodshot eyes stared back at me as I wiped my nose and felt an unfamiliar soreness in my throat.
Right then and there I decided; I would never, ever purge again. And I never did.
The entire process completely freaked me out, and for me, it was just a hell of a lot easier not to eat.
And thank you, ahead of time, for sharing your story.