What Guys Want

BookClub Post: Chapter 7 of Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters, by Courtney Martin….What Guys Want.


Perfect Girls, Starving Daughters by Courtney Martin

This video excerpts one of the main takeaways from this chapter-guys want real. Sure they may want to look at the bod, the flash, the knockout…but that is short lived. Martin interviews a whole host of men that talk honestly about "what they want," and discovers at the end of the day they all want the same thing, have a listen…

Paulo Nutini, I couldn't find a video of the song I refer to in the video. So have a listen to this one, the guys kills me.


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10 Responses to What Guys Want

  1. kelly says:

    honestly i don’t see how that passage would really change anything for anyone with an ed or who was pro ed. lots of guys want lots of different things and because my ed isn’t about that anyways it wouldn’t really matter. maybe one day i can get to that point but i don’t think the majority of people go raging ED to Ok (yes i know you said you did)

  2. Tony says:

    As a guy who regularly reads this blog I completely agree with the point that mamaV has taken from this book. I’m also glad mamaV has differentiated “gawking” from actually being attracted to someone.
    However, I would expand “guys” and “women” a little bit. No one wants to deal with someone who is completely preoccupied with his or her appearance or with what he or she eats. People want someone who’s real, and not someone striving to look like someone they are not.
    The sad reality is that dieting and obsessive preoccupation with appearance have the potential to take over your life and leave no room for friends or loved ones. My sincere hope is that those reading this blog realize that it’s simply not worth it, before it’s too late (and it is a very slippery slope…). Being perfect is not worth losing your friends and loved ones. Being perfect is not worth losing your health. Being perfect is not worth dying for.

  3. mamaV says:

    Hi Kelly: I understand your point-in the depths of an ED this is irrelevant.
    However, I am talking to a wide audience here, some women particularly pro ana, has everything to do with what you look like for others.
    Even women who are dieting, those who put their lives on hold because they believe they will somehow be worthy of finding a mate when thinner…this post is for those women.

  4. Melissa says:

    I think there are some women for whom EDs are a vanity thing (wannarexics) and some for whom it is a serious disease — not at all related to men or their physical looks. I think there are two sides of that coin.
    I loved Martin’s book (I finished it this weekend) and I see where MamaV took this passage from; it IS about those for whom it’s a vanity thing — much more than a neurological or psychological disorder/disease/condition …
    I think it’s important to remember the root causes of EDs are not always the same.

  5. Melissa says:

    Oops I missed MamaV’s comment somehow! (while I was typing mine!)

  6. aileb says:

    I don’t starve myself or make myself throw up or do all the other horrible things like c&sp, over-exercise, and take the pills because I want some guy to like me.
    Eating disorders have nothing, nothing to do with a magazine, weight, or trying to get attention from a guy.
    Maybe on the surface, that’s what we’d like you to believe. You see if your time is spent blamming the those things then it just distracts from trying to help us.
    The truth is that the eating disordered thoughts are internal. There has to be a predisposition to be this truly messed up.
    why aren’t you all over the newsweek and facebook article? everyone is afraid.

  7. anon says:

    While I agree that the onset of ed’s varies–that they begin for different people for different reasons, I still cannot reconcile the message of this post.
    Ultimately, what I am reading is that women should conform to what “men want.” And, since men don’t like eating disordered women, that’s reason enough to forego the disease–as if it is that easy (inferring there’s a choice ???), or as if that’s a reason at all. I think the grave injustice of this post, and the chapter in Martin’s book (which I haven’t read, and judging from the post, I’m glad for it), is that they both reinforce the antiquated, yet sadly ever present notion that women’s existence and validation lie heavily in the control of men’s perception. Can we please, please discuss women’s health without including what men think about women’s bodies? Who cares what they want or don’t want. Isn’t the point that women should tend to their health, their perceptions of their body, their happiness, their mental stability, without having to worry about what the men are thinking?
    Enough already.

  8. Anonymous says:

    it IS about those for whom it’s a vanity thing — much more than a neurological or psychological disorder/disease/condition …

  9. anon says:

    I meant to include one more remark on mamaV’s comment (posted directly above):
    I just don’t see how you can collapse all the “route causes” into seemingly two categories–vanity and neurological/psychological. Are you implying it’s one or the other, a combination of the two? I’m not understanding the binary you’ve established. Does not the possibility exist for multiple factors–psychological, neurological, environmental, social, etc…–factoring in, or, taking place simultaneously?

  10. aileb says:

    I had time to watch your video where you’re talking about what guys want and then you say “get real.”
    It’s not that simple, you can’t just say “get real” to person with and ED expect them to be cured. Why not just toss out “get over it” while your at it?
    The whole reason that many people refuse to give up their Ed’s is because they don’t know who they are without there Ed.
    The real me would love more than to be empty all day and exercise till dawn.
    The real me loves the waif look ( I know it’s sicking) but this is my reality right now.
    The unreal me, the part of me that tries to fit in with the guys or with the people around me is the one that pretends to eat; pretends that I am not dying on the inside because I am being forced to eat.

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