mamaVISION

7 Comments

• 
  kelly
  April 12, 2008 at 5:49 am

  the reason i would shy away from mani/pedi and all that crap with a young child is that it instills the idea that looks are what matter most for a female. the time, energy, and money women pour into the industy is insane and taking a young child to participate in these fucked up beauty norms is unhealthy.

• 
  Mrs. B.
  April 12, 2008 at 1:38 pm

  MamaV,
  Many of the little fun times in my daughter’s and my life have been going to get our hair done, getting manicures and pedicures, but like you…..we aren’t over the top. I routinely will be seen at the grocery store in what I slept in - sweatshirts and lounge pants. Same with her. We are both “attractive” women who are very comfortable looking “comfy” or “glam”. I’m a professional, so I have to dress up at work, but when I get home, I am immediately in comfies.

  I agree with Kelly that entirely too much money in this country is going toward beauty, couture, etc., but I think celebrating being a girl is A-OK.

  Let’s face it, though. Certainly where I live - an affluent country club neighborhood, there is a WAY over the top push for beauty that is driving me completely nuts.

• 
  kelly
  April 12, 2008 at 4:04 pm

  The problem isn’t celebrating being a woman…it’s how we define what a woman is and the rituals behind that definition is where i have the problem. women aren’t able to define what a woman is on there own terms- they see it portrayed everywhere and then when they go home and that is “fun” time wth else are they too think a woman is?

• 
  kelly
  April 12, 2008 at 4:04 pm

  their*

• 
  Mrs. B.
  April 12, 2008 at 10:33 pm

  Kelly,
  You’re totally right about that.

• 
  Xan
  April 13, 2008 at 8:22 am

  I don’t get manicures or pedicures because I just have a weird thing about strangers touching me, but my boyfriend gets a pedicure a couple of times a year and he’s started taking our 4-year-old daughter with him, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. There’s never any talk of the importance of being “pretty” or the need to doll yourself up to be accepted. It’s just good, clean father-daughter bonding time.

  We’re feminist parents and we’re very careful about raising our daughter to be comfortable with herself as she is, and instilling healthy self-esteem. We never tell her she has to look or act a certain way to win love or approval, and as a result she is a bubbly, precocious, confident child who faces the world head-on and is never apologetic for being herself.

• 
  Molly
  April 13, 2008 at 4:49 pm

  MamaV, you referred to not going over the top with it. I now will sometimes get manicures or pedicures with my friends as a treat. In high school, we did that often- it was a fun treat for a group of teenage girls to do, and safe and legal for 16-year-olds. I think the emphasis should be on treat and not necessity. I knew girls in college for whom it was a necessity to have perfectly manicured nails at all times. It was a priority over doing school work, etc. I think I’m basically paraphrasing what you said… but no, as a treat, as a way to pamper yourself (soaking your feet and then having them massaged is VERY pampering) I think they’re fine, and fun, and a great way to bond. I think it’s when you cross over into their being something you HAVE to do, into HAVING to look good all the time, that it’s a negative influence.

  I haven’t read the article you refer to, but another thing I’ve heard decried recently is the amount of money being spent on children, and that’s the other part of this that might be worrisome. When kids grow up with no sense of restraint or earning what they get, or grow up feeling entitled to get what they want just because they want it, the results are not pretty. Again, I had friends in college with unlimited credit cards and with parents paying whatever bill they got on those cards. Now, my parents are fairly well off and helped pay for my education so I didn’t graduate with loans. But I worked while I was in school, made good grades, and spent reasonable amounts of money. If I was ever in trouble, of course they’d help me out- but they by no means just paid the bill for whatever, no questions asked. I now have a job which I love and support myself. Money’s tight, but I know how to budget and make priorities. One close friend from college who was spoiled all her life has a job, but lives in an apartment her parents pay for, because she had to have it but can’t afford the rent. (And this isn’t a matter of safety- she just wanted a luxury apartment.) She still charges most things to her parent’s credit card.

  And that is part of what worries me about this type of thing. Teach your kids that pedicures are a fun treat. Don’t let them think they’re entitled to a pedicure (or clothes or toys or parties) whenever they want just because they want them.

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