Spit It Out

There are very few things that I feel strongly about when it comes to my blog.
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For the most part I post about what I think, let the wind blow me in whatever direction, and I have a great deal of fun listening to all of the thoughtful, intelligent responses. You are one impressive bunch.
But on the topic of no moderation, and total free speech, I am solid. I feel so strongly that this is important, not sure why really, I just do.
I guess its because the world is censored, so fake, so digitized, and so totally predictable. Everything is polished and marketed just right in order to suit us. Billions of marketing dollars are spent to please us, to seduce us, to give us what we have come to want and expect, and we suck it up like they know we will.
When we have an open forum such as this and we get a few total nut jobs going off on tangents just for the plain fun of it, its shocking and scary and upsetting all in one.
Don’t freak. Just take it for what it is.
Don’t turn away because you are uncomfortable. Just be in it, in the realness of it all, and I promise you will learn something about yourself.
You will learn that it doesn’t matter.
It simply does not matter what other people think about you. It’s completely and totally irrelevant, and the sooner you accept this fact and start living, you will experience freedom beyond anything you can imagine.
Just stop. Just stop worrying what others think and say about you. It simply does not matter.
The other good news?
Evil minded ones are few and far between. I believe, and I believe this wholeheartedly, that the vast majority of people are good, kind, gentle and compassionate. Don’t close your heart when you are scared off by someone who is absorbed in themselves, simply turn away and seek a friend elsewhere.
You will find it, but you need to keep your eyes open.
Repeat after me:
You are worth it.
You deserve it.
And you can find it within yourself.
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I did.
And I do.
And life a whole new meaning.
Your Life is Now,
mamaV
This entry was posted in Life Perspective, Self Esteem and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

58 Responses to Spit It Out

  1. Amelia says:

    Thank you! It’s nice to hear a voice of reason once in a while.

  2. Aileb says:

    Oh, I thought this was going to be a post and spit & chew!

    “You will find it, but you need to keep your eyes open.”MV

    There is one thing i’ve lived with living with this eating disorder;
    that you don’t trust your eyes.

    The constant staring into the mirror has nothing to do with vanity. I honestly can’t fully see what they’re talking about. I catch glimpses and freak out but then it gets distorted again.

    Ok, now i’m the nut job that’s gone off the topic.

    thanks for the affirmations

  3. missA says:

    I’m tired. Tired of the issue of whether or not this blog should be moderated and tired of trying to give my opinion on it. MamaV does what MamaV wants. It’s her blog.

    Yes we all may learn from this, but at what cost to some of these girls? Some may lose jobs, some may not be able to get into the college they want, some may have to face the retribution of abusive parents if they are found out. All for a bad decision they made when they were young and naieve.

    Here is the link to blog that is trying to help. I don’t think MamaV will bring attention to it so I decided to post it here. http://facesofproanathetruth.blogspot.com/
    I do not know the truth as to whether or not this girls are pro-ana. I refuse to judge them for that. They want a chance to give their side of the story which I think is only fair.

    And calling people nut jobs? Good example to set.

  4. I’ve only commented a few times, but I like this blog. I see healing happening here and that gives me hope.

    MissA, I’m not sure I agree that it’s up to MamaV to set an example. It’s a frustrating situation, and it seems a few of the people here who are quite disruptive are in a lot of pain. Maybe she hopes for them that they’ll find a clearer way to express themselves.

    The women on the site you linked to self-identify as against pro-ana, and in recovery for eating disorders. I wasn’t following the conversation among the CB girls and women who commented here to determine if it’s their blog.

  5. missA says:

    Ephiphany Alone- MamaV took it upon herself to try to “teach” these girls a lesson about posting pictures on the web. While I agree, we need to be careful with what we put out there, I do not agree with MamaV’s way of going about teaching the lesson at hand. My not agreeing doesn’t matter anyways. MamaV will do what she wants, which is her right.

    We all need to follow rules in life. All I ever asked was that MamaV step in when girls were throwing names at each other and threatening physical harm to each other. Having no rules causing complete anarchy.

    The site that I posted was under the Faces of Pro-Ana post. It was made by someone who is trying to let the girls on the FoPA site tell their side of the story. We all need to remember, there are always two sides to every story. We only got one side of the story here.

    Sorry this is kind off topic, I just got stuck on the no moderation part of the post.

  6. Sass1948 says:

    this is a cool post :-)

  7. Louise Shaw says:

    missA – I have a feeling we might both be members of the same ED support forum 😉 I am the creator of the “faces of pro ana_the truth” blog, thank you for posting the link to it and raising awareness of it’s existence. I’ve already had several girls contact me with their stories and I am hoping more will do the same. I know there’s not much that can be done about the other site but at least this way it gives the girls a chance to tell their side of things.

  8. Aisling says:

    missA having no rules shows peoples true colours without it being fabricated instead of seeing one controlled side of someone you see the nasty side aswell.

    but you are right there needs to be two sides of the story but by the debates that go on here the two sides are usually shown equally.

    Everybody has a story, everybody has a secret and everybody has feelings and i guess when people get so heated they show a different side of them that they wouldn’t normally so when they calm down they want it removed and if that’s the case they should visit blogs that are moderated and not blogs that arent

  9. Racheleli says:

    I had a fight with one of my best friends in high school on instant messenger. I felt so vindicated by that conversation that I printed it out to remind myself later of why I was right and how what she said first justified my angry responses. Years later I read that conversation again and am still disgusted with my contribution to the argument. I said things I would never would have in person, I was cruel, I was mean, and, looking back now, I am amazed that she and I managed to maintain a friendship.

    I hope these young women are most importantly able to heal from that nasty exchange, but also willing to look back later and learn. You can’t take it back, but you can certainly learn how not to let it all out so thoughtlessly the next time you find yourself in a situation where you feel wrongly attacked, insulted, or misrepresented. There is always a higher road.

  10. missA says:

    Louise- I’m not a member of an ED-support forum. My face is not plastered on the FoPA site. I don’t even know any of the girls on that site. Before MamaV posted it, I had never heard of FoPA or CB. I stayed up past two o’clock in the morning one night talking with one of the girls who is on FoPA. I really came to understand how devastating this has been for her. I hope that more of the girls will contact you to have their side of the story told.

    Aisling- I don’t feel that the debates here are fairly representing the two sides. That is why I posted the link to Louise’s site. I think very few of the girls on FoPA are actually here debating what has happened. I think most are keeping silent. The ones that are here seem to be very young and immature and are not giving a fair representation of what is going on.

  11. missA says:

    MamaV- I found this quote quiet interesting, and I thought you might appreciate it. It was posted on a billboard outside of a local church. I think that this actually does pertain the this particular topic. It is something to remind us to be kind to others.

    “What we do in life echoes in eternity”

  12. Louise Shaw says:

    missA – oh ok, just some of what you had written in the comments section under the entry regarding the faces of Pro Ana site was very similar to something a member on an ED support forum I visit on occasion had posted regarding this issue. I thought you may have been the same person.
    And I too sincerely hope more of the girls who have been wrongly featured on that despicable site will contact me and allow me to tell their side of the story. I understand some of them may be reluctant to and might not be sure if they can trust me or what I will do with the information they give me considering what has happened with the FoPA site (which is perfectly understandable), so I’ve posted an entry on the FoPA:The Truth site just letting people know a bit more about who I am and what my intentions for the FoPA: The Truth site are. Hopefully that will make people feel a bit more at ease and let them know that I am completely sincere in my desire to try and do something to help.

  13. Innikki says:

    MamaV, kudos to you.

    By not monitoring this site and moderating everything- you have allowed people to SPEAK on what they are worried about without fearing that they will be shut down.

    I can feel your frustration- as I am feeling it as well.

    But, I know one of the girls who posts on the forum very well, and have known her since before her eating disorder ravaged her. She has found acceptance nowhere else- she has written you a letter to say thank-you, and desperately wishes she had some way to mail it to you, but doesn’t know who to ask. As for the forum- now she feels her acceptance is threatened. She got a message on your forum that upset her- and she lashed out in the only way she knew how. She later apologized- but not before someone else stuck their nose in and tried to tell her what she should and shouldn’t stay- and she has decided to leave the forum temporarily, because she is afraid.

    Free speech is needed. It’s only when someone steps in and starts a “choosing-sides” deal that things start going wrong.

    Now that I’ve written for a looong time- thank you, mamaV, for all that you do for these girls.

    Free speech and all…

  14. Louise Shaw says:

    btw I understand that registration at the Cerulean Butterfly forums is closed except for individual staff approved memberships. If there are any staff members posting here, or indeed any other members who could contact a staff member on my behalf, I would like to very respectfully request a membership to the CB forums so that I might let the members of CB know directly about the Faces of Pro Ana: The Truth site and answer any questions or concerns that anyone might have. I can be contacted at clryls@yahoo.com.au

    kindest regards and thanks in advance.

  15. Rose says:

    Thank you for this. Because I needed to hear this today, I needed to take a breath and tell myself I’m worthy of that breath….

  16. missA says:

    Louise- I hope I did not sound harsh in letting you know that I am not who you think. That was not my intention. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you are doing to get the other side of the story out. I hope that with some of the girls already coming out with their side, others will see your intentions and will soon follow.

    Just in case some are wondering, I do not believe in pro-ana. I have never belonged to a pro-ana site, though I must admit I have visited them in the past. I don’t think we should jump to the conclusion that someone is pro-ana because someone we don’t even know says they are. That is why I think it is important to get the other side of the story before making any judgements.

    Oh, and Louise, thank you.

  17. Aisling says:

    missA i wasnt disagreeing with the fact that you posted the other site i actually think it was a good thing to show people the stories behind those pictures

    but as for a fair representation i wasnt just talking about the foPa post but all posts there are always debates and always many different sides shown on the specific topic and i did only say usually not always sorry if it came across as disagreeing

  18. missA says:

    Aisling- I guess I should have been more clear about which debate I was talking about. I agree with you. Most debates on here, several sides are shown. I meant the debate going on under the FoPA post. I don’t even think you can call it a debate. The girls posting on there are just being ridiculous now. Who can even follow what is going on? I know I can’t. That is why I was trying to bring attention to Louise’s site.

    And don’t be sorry if you disagree with me. It just gets me thinking, and I like that. That is why I like coming to MamaV’s blog. I don’t always agree with what she does, but she does get me thinking.

  19. anonymous says:

    Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one’s who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason.. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy.

  20. Louise Shaw says:

    Louise- I hope I did not sound harsh in letting you know that I am not who you think. That was not my intention. I wanted to let you know I appreciate what you are doing to get the other side of the story out. I hope that with some of the girls already coming out with their side, others will see your intentions and will soon follow.

    Oh no not at all, I didn’t take it as sounding or being harsh in the least :) And thank you for your appreciation and once again thank you for helping to try and bring awareness to the FoPA The Truth blog by posting the link in here :)

  21. ck2r says:

    I think it’s awesome to see a place where there are no rules in a way. Even in group I have to follow rules here I don’t have to worry as much, I can listen to the die hard pro anas and the recovered, the recovering thr friends and family of sufferers. Reality can be hard but guess what?
    we all have to learn to live with it I can hide all I want from the obilvious (sorry awful spelling) world arround me “You’ve gained a few pounds!” instead of hello.
    So thanks MamaV it’s an uncensored world where people have a clue what they are talking about
    Now the rest of the world…. :)

  22. Louise Shaw says:

    I would sincerely hope that in the interests of fairness and decency that mamaVision would include a post regarding and linking to http://facesofproanathetruth.blogspot.com on her blog.

    And just personally on the issue of “Free Speech”, I don’t necessarily believe in censorship but I do believe that Free Speech is a privilege and not an automatic right. When it comes to such things as hate speech or verbal attacks designed to defame someone’s character or good standing in their community then as far as I’m concerned you have forfeited your right to free speech.

    I have chosen to moderate comments on the “FoPA: The Truth” site. Does that mean that I will only post those comments which are in agreeance with myself or the “FoPA: The Truth” site and the opinions posted there? absolutely not. Does it mean that I will refuse to publish any form of criticism or unpopular opinion or censor comments using four letter swear words? most assuredly no. Does it mean that I will refuse to publish or heavily censor any comments which could be considered “hate speech”, are clearly intended as nothing more than a vicious personal attack on any individual or group of individuals, contain falsely obtained information that the original author has not given their express permission to be reprinted and/or are merely aimed at disrupting the flow of ideas and debate? hell yes I will!

  23. missA says:

    “And just personally on the issue of “Free Speech”, I don’t necessarily believe in censorship but I do believe that Free Speech is a privilege and not an automatic right. When it comes to such things as hate speech or verbal attacks designed to defame someone’s character or good standing in their community then as far as I’m concerned you have forfeited your right to free speech.”

    That is exactly what I have been trying to say. I am so tired of trying to make my point on this. Thank you, obviously I could not have said it better myself. 😉

  24. Mrs. B. says:

    I happen to think that the arguments for free speech take it a little over the top. But whatever. The US and the internet are what they are, and speech is certainly now free – for better or worse. Once you become a mother of teens, you begin to have some doubts about the “benefits” of all of it. And the people who think that somehow it is up to parents to control it….well, good luck to them with that. If you try to control it, you are considered “controlling”. It is a lose lose battle for parents.

    That aside, on this site, one of the things I find interesting is that when someone gets “out of line”, others jump in and the conversation generally “normalizes” itself.

  25. Michelle says:

    You know what I want to spit out?

    The fact that I think this girl I know who has bulimia, too, is STILL prettier than me.. even though I know that she is dealing with the same SHIT that I am dealing with, I still feel COMPLETELY inadequate to her! She is still thinner, still has clearer skin, still has prettier hair, still has more friends and still can cover everything up more than I could ever.

    I HATE MYSELF. THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO SPIT OUT. I HATE MY ACTIONS I HATE THE WAY I LOOK THE WAY I TALK THE WAY I SING THE WAY I MOVE THE WAY I SIT EVERYTHING. I HATE IT.
    and the (best) part is..
    I know I won’t change how I see myself ever because I feel inside that I was meant to be alone that I was meant to never have a good life, to always be inadequate, to always be vile, to never deserve anything good.

    That.

    is what I want to spit out.
    Why?
    Because. I have been lieing to people ALL of my life telling them life is a dream for me. Well guess what. I may have all these wonderful opportunities, but damn it I will never be able to fully attend to them because of my own insecurities.

    There! I said it! I AM NOT HAPPY.

  26. Michelle says:

    I think it is wonderful that people can be happy. I know that I would want everyone in the world to be happy, every day.. the rest of their lives. I smile when I see innocent children.. but I also cringe and the thought of them maybe turning into me someday.

    I hate that I hate myself..
    but here’s to another failure in life.

    Maybe I’ll try again tomorrow…

  27. Leire says:

    Michelle, you actually can change the way you think about yourself. You keep telling yourself that you are inadequate, contemptible, worth hating. You’ve done it so long that you’ve started to believe it. It’s simply not true.

    Ask yourself a question; would you ever say some of the things that you think of yourself to a friend? Would you tell a friend that they were inadequate? Would you constantly talk about every little failure in their life? If you wouldn’t do that to a friend, why would you do it to yourself?

  28. kim says:

    mama v, i really found hope in this post. i like that you remind us that we are worth it and deserve it as it is very difficult for us to believe that most of the time. the picture of the girl going down the road made me smile. thanksxxx
    as far as free speech i like the idea of free speech yet i am saddened when people use it to hurt others. i think there is a difference between people stating opinions and facts and blaming others or belittling others or their opinions to try to make a point.

  29. Aisling says:

    MissA i wouldnt normally apoligise for disagreeing its just i wasnt so thats why i apoligised lol

    anyways i just checked the FoPa post that is on this blog and i have changed my opinion slightly. Most of the comments are mockery or attacking another person. it makes you wonder as to why girls feel the need to express themselves through bitchery?

  30. missA says:

    Aisling- It seems that we keep misunderstanding each other. Or maybe I just misunderstand you. :)
    I guess that is the problem with “speaking” to another person on a blog.

    As to the girls on the FoPA post. I believe there is one person trying to “mess” with the others. The others are young and seem to have a hard time finding productive ways to express themselves. They feel as though they are being attacked, so they attack back. I think that if they quit responding the attacker would get bored and eventually go away. Just my opinion.

  31. Aisling says:

    I have not read all the comments just merely scanned through them but comments from people like paris hilton and someone pretending to be a priest where just not right which is where i found the mockery

    but as for the bitchiness i didnt read the comments properly in fact i dont actually have time to read like 944 comments but i think i saw more then one attacker and a lot of people just stirring things for the fun of it but i could be wrong cause like i said i only scanned through them.

  32. missA says:

    I think the posts from Paris Hilton and others, such as the priest, are all from the same person trying to get a rise out of people. I don’t read all the posts anymore. It has become too time consuming and I can’t understand what half the posts are about anyway. You are right, someone has made a mockery of the whole situation.

  33. Aisling says:

    Its people like that that rules are needed but i still am kinda against rules like comments that are mockery like the priest should be deleted because it is mocking peoples religion etc and it is extremely offensive

  34. missA says:

    I agree that it is offensive. That is why I wish people would quit responding to it. MamaV will not delete posts, which is her right. This is her blog and I understand that. What I don’t understand is leaving the post open for comments. At first it was so we could give opinions. Then it was so we could learn what happens when we post pictures of ourselves on the web. Now what is the point? So some person who obviously has issues can attack and offend? I just don’t get it.

  35. holyperfection says:

    my goodness ….
    this place has gotten decidedly more hostile since the last time i visited.

  36. holyperfection says:

    i read a little of the faces comment and it made me completely sick

  37. missA says:

    Okay, I’m confused. I just tried to post a comment under Critics, and it said my post is waiting moderation. What? Are we being moderated now?

  38. Aisling says:

    I doont think we are i can post fine??

  39. missA says:

    Aisling- I can post here fine. I posted under critics two short posts fine. I tried posting about an email I received from MamaV yesterday. That post is still awaiting moderation. Maybe it was because I tried to copy and paste the email MamaV sent me? I feel it was a form letter automatically sent out to whoever emails her. I don’t think she even reads the email. It basically says she does not have time to help girls with their EDs. If you are press, however, you will get a response in 2-3 days. I was not asking for help, just asking a question about something I found on this site. I was extremely put off by this email, and so I felt the need to address it. When I go to the critics section, it still says my post is awaiting moderation. Guess we will see what happens.

  40. Aisling says:

    o well maybe if you post the comment here?? to save the whole waiting to be posted??

  41. mamavision says:

    Hi missA: I want to tell you the story that lead to me placing the autoemail on my email address mamavision@gmail.com.

    The first year of this blog, I regularly responded directly to cries for help. I became quite close to a number of girls, and I remain friends with many of them today.

    If I could dedicate more time to this blog, I most certainly would. But I am a very busy mother of two children. My job is quite demanding, and my dear husband takes care of all of us and our home. I needed to place this autoemail on the blog to set a boundary, since the needs of many girls can and do become totally consuming.

    I need to put my family first. I know this.

    I am not an expert. You need to know this.

    Anyone who reaches out to me needs to know this. I repeat this over and over again to make sure no one mistakes me for an expert.

    You know what is really sad? I am a listening ear. And the volume of girls reaching out to me is astounding. It’s global. Why aren’t they finding help? Why aren’t their own parents and loved ones and friends listening?

    I do read my email. I force myself not to respond because I know where it will lead. So I ask that you respect my efforts, instead of judging them, because I promise you I am giving it my all.

    Love,
    mamaV

    PS Your post did not go live on the blog because included in the post were several links. The blog system WordPress sees this as potential spam and holds it for moderation.

  42. missA says:

    MamaV- I do not discredit the fact that you are extremely busy. I also know that you need to put your family first. I know that you are not an expert and can not help someone recover from their eating disorder, but you can point them in the right direction.

    My problem with the automatic email is that I feel it did not pertain to my original email. I did not expect an immediate response from you. I know that my email was not that important, I was not asking for help with my ED. I knew it could take weeks or months to get a response.

    Can you not see how upsetting this can be to someone who is reaching out to you? It like you are saying “sorry, I don’t have time for you unless you are someone from the press”. Yes, you are not an expert, you can not save them, but you may be the only person they are reaching out to for help.

    As for parents, loved ones, and friends not listening, I think it is more of a matter of the sufferer not talking. Many ED sufferers get very good at hiding their ED. It is not something that is easy to talk about. You feel like people will judge you. It’s not easy admitting something is wrong. It’s not easy to ask for help.

    Thanks for explaining the need for my posts to be moderated.

  43. s says:

    i also emailed mama v and got that auto reply…and i’ll admit at first it kind of upset me a bit as i was hoping that her and i could actually have a bit of a conversation on the subject i had emailed her on…but then i started to think about how many people email her. i’m willing to bet a lot….and she’s just one person. she can’t possibly reply to every single email sent to her.
    i will admit that i do hope she will read mine and reply but if not i understand.
    s

  44. Aisling says:

    Mama V if you wish to help sufferers of an e.d but dont have time i dont think it is wise to give your email out because the first step to reaching for help is telling someone and it takes a lot of courage to do that and if a girl contacts you and the reply is an automatic eamil it might knock the person back and she may never ask for help again for a long time. I know you probably would like to help everyone that reaches out to you but obviously its not possible maybe you could set up another site that is just for suffers, recovered or confused people to talk amoung themselves?? Kinda like a bigger forum but just as a single site?? sorry if that was just a totally random post but i know how hard it is to reach out to people even if it is behind a screen

    x x x x

  45. s says:

    good point aisling.

  46. missA says:

    Has anyone checked out the FoPA site lately? They have decided to take down all the pictures. I think it is a good move on their part. Maybe now this will be put to rest. I would like to know MamaV’s thoughts on their taking down the site.

    Aisling- MamaV has an open forum on this site, though it seems few girls post there. The ones there do seem very nice and supportive. I don’t know what else to say about the email. I can understand MamaV’s point, but I also think it could be devastating to someone reaching out to her. I also think that maybe she should have a seperate email for press. I was really disturbed by the press part. Just my opinion.

  47. mamavision says:

    Hi missA: I totally agree with your points and those of s an Aisling. Trust me, just having to create the autoemail bothered me since I was so used to responding.

    Can you help me re-write it?

    The goal is to give information on where to seek help, either NEDA or the online forum here, and also to notify everyone that I can not respond.

    I used to give out my email, now I have it listed for Press Inquiries only. The goal here is to spread awareness, not get my face on TV as some would assume (in fact Good Morning America called me last year and it freaked me out. I have no desires to lose my anonimity or my life privacy). I often receives requests for phone interviews from smaller Universities, and/or online journals, I take pride in these requests and I am honored to be able to represent this community.

    So, are you open to helping me re-write the autoresponder? :)

    Love,
    mamaV

  48. s says:

    personally i don’t have issue with how your auto email is written…it pretty much gets the point across and in a nice manner…i do think that maybe you should dedicate an entry on here to why you

    cannot reply to all emails anymore and just what you mean by press inquiries…maybe have a link to that post near the link to your email.

    your reasons are actually quite applaudable…i am a mother myself and understand that you can only spread yourself so far before it starts to interfere with time with your family.

    also boundaries are good…as someone with an ED i know just how easy it can be to overstep those boundaries and cling to someone when you’re reaching out as i’m willing to bet some of the girls on here have done with you.
    and it’s not good or healthy for either person involved.

    just my thoughts though.
    S

  49. Aisling says:

    S i kinda disagree with you on the email. It seems almost unpersonnal (if thats a word) it seems like she doesnt care but really i’m sure you do you just need time for your life which is a great thing that you are stepping back so your kids can enjoy your time rather then spend it in front of a screen but i do think its a great idea like s said to dedicate an entry to it on here and explain to girls why you cannot rather then an autoemail?

    x x x

  50. missA says:

    MamaV- I don’t think I’m much of a writer, but I am willing to help if I can. I understand your need for the auto-email and I understand your need to keep your distance. I can’t imagine how draining it can be to get emotionally involved in so many peoples lives. Maybe just make the email a little more personable by explaining why you can not personally respond to requests for help. I think that it is good that you give links to places they can go for help. Maybe also have a different email for press, though if I understand your last post, you have already done this?

    I’m willing to help any way I can. Let me know what I can do.

    Some of the girls on the forum have an idea for a project. Maybe you could pop over there and check it out? I think they would really like your opinion on it. :)

  51. Aisling says:

    Miss A sorry i only read your comment now. I kinda feel like a hypocrite if i was to go to the forum as it is mainly girls who are recovering or who have recovered and this ed has consumed me i am unable to escape it but yet i feel i should stop others from following this path i guess its a contradiction

  52. missA says:

    Aisling- Please don’t feel like a hypocrite if you go to the forum. The girls there are extremely nice and supportive. They won’t judge you if you are not recovered or not yet ready to recover. Sometimes I have bad days, and am not very nice, but they are supportive and forgiving.

    We all have our ups and downs, but we understand what it is like to be consumed with ED thoughts. I am struggling with it today, but I am trying to make today into a good day. One the forum, many girls list one positive thing about their day. Can you think of one positive thing about today? If you go to the forum, you will see my positive for the day.

    See what I just did there? I’m trying to “trick” you into going to the forum.:)

  53. Nats says:

    Aisling,

    Babe you are not the only one here that is still consumed by their ED! We all are to some extent, it will always be there, its how we deal with it that defines us all.

    I am still consumed by my ED and by my mental illness but the forum is great! People there are amazing and they are waiting for you with open arms!

    Nats
    xxxx

  54. s says:

    i am not recovered at all myself…not in the slightest sense of the word…i AM toying with the IDEA of recovery. after more than 17 years of this nonsense it’s time…plus i’d like to get a handle on it before i hit my 30’s.
    but i sill feel odd visiting the forum on here because i am still so involved in it. like it might be counterproductive for the people who are recovering…you know what i mean??

  55. Aisling says:

    I guess i should pop over but i dont know whats stopping me i guess its like what s said i am afraid of causing set backs for people and i’m sure the people are so nice and friendly

    Miss A you’ve been so friendly, thank you. I guess my positive for the day was the fact that i managed to convince a confused kid (not that i am much older 😛 )that this road was definitely not the right road for her to take and she recently sent me her update so i was happy lol

  56. Mrs. B. says:

    Aisling,

    God bless you for convincing that kid not to take this path. As you well know, it is hell on earth.

    S.

    If you have lurked long, you know that nearly everyone on this board is struggling. That is why they are here. If they did not need support, they would not need eachother so badly.

    Your struggles are welcome here. But we are struggling for life. There have been several people who have gone through phases of ambivalence toward recovery, but they stay here to seek desire.

    Glad you’re here.
    Mrs. B.

  57. missA says:

    Aisling- Congratulations! That is a great positive for the day. I’m glad to see some of the regulars from the forum left you messages here. Didn’t I tell you they were nice? Even if you are uncomfortable with posting maybe you could just lurk for awhile. Feel things out and maybe one day you will be ready to post.

    s- I think that realizing you don’t want to live your life like this is a great step towards getting better. I wish to give you the same advice as I gave Aisling. Lurk around for a while. You don’t have to post if your not comfortable with it, but maybe one day you will.

  58. L says:

    MamaV – I love you! Thankyou so much for your modifications to the FoPa comments. I see this morning that there is no longer a reply facility on that thread. Can I assume that you decided to step in at that point?

    Heartfelt thanks!

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