Other posts on this topic: Shelly Speaks, two years after THIN. Shelly from THIN documentary, 5 years later Polly Rests (story of her suicide) More from one who knows Worth
Shelly from the HBO Documentary THIN has something to say today.
I wake up every morning and ask myself….
Is it worth it?
Is it worth fighting all the negativity in my mind today? Is it worth having put trust my in others so often because I cannot trust myself at times? Is it worth eating and gaining weight? Is it worth feeling feelings I haven’t allowed myself to feel in so long? Is worth taking on responsibility when I have run from it in the past? Is it worth having to talk about things that bother me instead of internalizing them and having them subconsciously wreck my mind? Is it worth being accountable to myself and others in my life? Is it worth growing up? Is it worth taking a risk getting hurt again? Is it worth getting close to others and letting others in? Is it worth taking risks and possibly failing? Is it worth taking care of myself…showering, brushing my teeth, my hair? Is it worth getting dressed? Is it worth finding out who I am and doing what life wants me to do? Is it worth surrendering to everything I thought was right? Is it worth learning new ways to cope? Is it worth setbacks? Is it worth not knowing what the future holds? Is it worth giving up the control I thought I had? IS it worth finding out things that could hurt and overwhelm me? Is it worth being so anxious that I can’t even sit still? IS it worth giving up my identity that I have held on to for so long? Is it worth challenging TV, internet, and radio who say I have to fit some ideal?
Is it worth it to keep going down the road of recovery?
Do I want to lose my family, friends, and most importantly MYSELF? Do I want a life of pain and hurt and suffering? Do I want to die?
So I guess it is worth it to keep fighting no matter how scary and hard it gets.