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20 Responses to Thoughts

  1. Mrs. B. says:


    I watched your latest video. I noted your comments about meds. I felt like you might have taken my comment about Xanax the other day with some offense – perhaps thinking that I had some generalized feelings about anti-anxiety meds or other psychotropic drugs. I don’t really. I agree with you that I do not think that people should feel ashamed by a need for some help for mental conditions. I agree that drugs can be helpful.

    I feel the same way about drugs for other conditions. If someone recommends ANY drug to you, I believe that you should take a few minutes and read what you can find about those meds. Your doctor does not know you better than you do. You know what you have particular sensitivity to. All drugs have side effects. I there is a known side-effect to a particular drug, and you know that it is a particular weakness of yours, you need to decide if the benefits outweigh the risk. That’s all I’m saying.

    With regard to Xanax in particular, that drug is highly addictive. Someone prone to addiction needs to consider that before they head down that path.

  2. Mary Jane says:

    Hey MamaV.
    I really hope you can get back your spark very soon.
    Because you have inspired me.
    I’ve been suffering from anorexia for about 3 1/2 years and I want to get better. My problem is just that I can’t find the courage to tell anyone about it.
    Please keep on blogging and making these videos.
    It makes me feel less alone.

  3. Amanda says:

    MamaV and Mrs. B-

    I made comments about meds on another post that I hope no one was offended by either. I was just trying to make the point that people with addictive personalities really need to be careful with their meds. My dad was given a highly addictive anti-anxiety med to help him get off the pain med he was addicted to. My dad is not any better than he was before, and I believe this is because of the ignorance of the “pain specialist” he is going to.

    After the birth of my first son, I suffered PPD. That is the first time I started seeing a therapist and taking anti-depressants. I felt embarrassed, weak, and ashamed that I could not get better on my own. I begged my mom not to tell my family that I was on anti-depressants. Eventually I was able to admit to everyone what I was going through, and I do believe the meds saved my life. I am not on any anti-depressants now, though I know I should be. I’m seeing a different doctor than I was back then, and I do not like the meds he prescribes me. I am currently trying to find a new doctor, but no one under my insurance is accepting new patients. So, I suffer alone and in silence.

  4. Lily says:

    You seem so nice in this video, someone who cares and is genuine. But you’ve never helped me, even though I reached out. It isn’t easy asking for help and thanks for making it harder. And you say you blog about eating disorders but all you talk about is anorexia- its a much bigger picture. I don’t think you have posted even once about bulimia but there are millions of us out there. Know its stupid but it just adds to how shit I feel about who I am,


  5. josie says:

    Momma V-
    I am 25, married, and have been suffering from anorexia and bulimia to varying degrees for twelve years. When I met my husband in college, I had just entered treatment for the first time. I “graduated” from that thrice-weekly treatment center four years ago, and have continued to suffer relapses since. Five months ago, I suffered a major anorexia relapse, losing thirty pounds (over 25% of my body weight) in less than two months. My insurance, an HMO, refused to pay for more than weekly meetings with a general therapist who has no experince with EDs. After two months, I was finally allowed to see a psychiatrist, but was only put on 20mg of Prozac (despite a history of 80mg, plus anxiety meds). Realizing that the HMO was not going to help me, I made some severe changes in my life (dropped out of grad school, started working no more than 10 hours a week, ect.). The reason I am writing to you is because I wandered onto your site when I was in the deepest state of anorexia I have ever been in, and I found it very comforting. Now, somewhat recovered (for the moment, at least-I have learned to expect relapses as a fact of life), I continue to view it as a source of support and a place where I can be grounded in truth. After watching your last video, I was moved to write and pass along some topic ideas that I would be interested to hear your thoughts about:
    -Resources for EDs when insurance will not pay/concrete ways to help yourself.
    -How to make the most out of your time in therapy (how to open up to a therapist)
    -How to find support for an ED when you are an adult- how to make adult ED treatment and management effective.
    -ED patients having friends who also have ED’s- helpful or harmful?
    -How to talk to one’s parents when you need help for an ED and they do not understand.

    Just suggestions to spark your interest- I would hate to think of a whole summer without new blogs from you. Thanks for all your work- you touch more people’s lives than you know.

  6. KJosie says:

    As a quick note – the Josie above is not me (the 20-year-old argumentative commenter)!!!
    I’ll call myself KJosie from now on to save confusion.

    Lily has a good point – it’s always anorexia mentioned, when anorexia isn’t as common as the other eating disorders. Bulimia is estimated to effect 4% of young women, as opposed to the 1% anorexia effects, and BED & COED symptoms are experienced by 10%. These illnesses have as much media involvement as anorexia if you look into it, and want to continue with that route.
    It’s wrong to focus on just anorexia, because anorexia already gets an unfair amount of research and media coverage, just because it’s visually shocking. Those with other EDs suffer as much, but don’t receive the same attention, because their illness is not as cool and glamorous as anorexias portrayal.

  7. Aileb says:

    I kinda of know how you feel. I
    have a blog too. I haven’t posted
    in months and have people emailing me all the time to post. . .
    It’s suppose to be a pro-recovery blog but since I am uninspired to recover and I don’t want to get banned-I stay

    You want to know why I wish you get inspired to write again?

    In most recovery boards we are not allowed to talk about numbers or anything
    triggering. The advice is always the same-
    stale. The words are carefully chosen because the
    mods are reading. We hold back and don’t say what we really want to say or feel because “we’ll get triggered”

    My thoughts wander from wanting recovery to
    needing this and it’s comforting to know that this place is here because I feel like an outcast.

    I tried to be like the fishies but I don’t speak their jargon because my scales don’t match theirs.

    I tried to go back to the anthill because the words form so easily but I grew a consious.

  8. Sass1948 says:

    aww cool, needed a reminder why luv ya :-)

    totally, totally agree with the talk therapy thing. it is wonderful & more ppl should have it.

    u take a hiatus. & you know we’ll all look forward to your return xx

  9. Nats says:


    Ok time to be direct, blunt honest! Just the way you are! haha

    Ok, so you now are coming to the point where you are not sure if you should continue doing this or not. Alright, so what has changed between last year and this year? Have we?? Is it us thats changed?

    Or is it you? Or how you look at this??

    I think that if you walked away from the blog now, you would regret it, for the simple fact, you know so many come here, so many people are watching, maybe not commenting but watching what is going on and it IS being noticed. I know that you care about everyone on this blog and you wouldnt want anything to happen to anyone for the bad. So why now is that changing your feelings? Sorry if that doesnt make sense ill explain

    I guess that when you started the blog, what you saw out of the girls etc on the site, gave you a kind of drive to continue, the posts that were written, the changes you saw in each and everyone, that showed you that what you were doing was making a difference, does that not happen anymore? Im just trying to understand why you are now feeling this way..

    Its such a shame and I really do hope that you will get your spark back, but as much as I hope that, I would rather you walk away if this is not what you want rather than stay because of how it would affect us.

    As much as we need you and love you, you have to do what is right for you!

    If you need topis we will give you them! Over in the UK its obvisouly different to where you are! There is loads of stuff going on here and you might not even know about.

    If you want us to help inspire you, tell us, ask us whatever, but dont go into this half-hearted, you will only hurt yourself more.

    I LOVE YOU!!


    P.S It may seem harsh but just trying to be honest

  10. Will Power says:


    I have felt that your most powerful posts were your posts that either attack mainstream culture or promote a positive, powerful message.

    There is a big difference between focusing on teenagers or those who are very ill and focusing on the cultural messages that lead to teenagers wanting to dabble in pro-ana or contribute to the illness of those who are stricken with eating disorders. No matter what you say about pro-ana, those teenagers will always exist. Those people suffering from eating disorders will always exist. There may be less of them with continued attention to the cultural messages we send.

    That is where I think your blog can do some good. I don’t see much good in you posting pictures of women suffering or teenagers. As others have said, we aren’t even sure that they are actually pictures that people have put up themselves. (In the days of scanners and camera phones, who knows? People have been known to use other peoples’ pictures as themselves online.) But beyond that, people have the “It won’t happen to me attitude.” That’s the reason people feel comfortable putting up pictures. That’s the reason people dabble in pro-ana; the dangers won’t happen to me … or, the illness is strong enough that it doesn’t matter if the dangers happen to me. You may prevent a few pro-ana people from using their pictures. But that won’t dissuade the “thinspiration” and competitive aspects. They will just post pictures of celebs instead, and they will engage in competitions and posting triggering statistics.

    I was most moved by your original post from Shelly–posting a message of hope and strength from someone who had struggled SO MUCH to even want to recover. It gave me some courage to believe that my dear friend can reach that point too. It shows others that dismissing your eating disorder is not a sign of weakness but of strength. Portraying strong women and men who have moved past their eating disorder, especially when the eating disorder was so powerful to them, is inspiring. THAT gives people a second thought much more than an attack.

    In behavioral modification, punishment is the least effective way to change a behavior. (Using a negative consequence to get a behavior to decrease.) Using positive reinforcement is the most effective–giving a positive consequence to increase the frequency of a behavior. It’s something to think about with this–can you do more going on the offensive against people who are either immature or too entrenched in their disorder to be rational in arguments, or can you allow your messages to be heard in spite of the delusional thinking by stating them in a way that people will consider rather than immediately challenge?

    Like I said earlier, I think your posts about fighting the culture that allow eating disorders to flourish is very valuable. I think movements like About Face are necessary, and they need to be more prominent. But it seems so much more helpful to go after the adults who freely choose to exploit vulnerable women, and the culture who denies devaluing women but creates advertisement after advertisement portraying them as housemaid mommies who gleefully clean up after their spoiled children or women who gleefully allow someone to debase them or behave demeaningly to them. A culture who denies glorifying thinness but so many of our celebrities have a BMI that is medically unadvised.

    It seems so much more worth it to confront the adults, to confront the culture, than to confront the victims of it. You are one voice against their normal world. Challenging the culture they live in without challenging THEM may allow them to put some critical thinking glasses on. Challenging a teenager or someone enmeshed in an eating disorder is like handing them a pair of opaque glasses–the chance of you getting through is so slim.

    Also, for someone suffering from an eating disorder, the triggers and distorted thinking are so prominent, it can be extremely difficult to know what could be helpful and what could be harmful. Even those who suffer don’t always know–I have a good friend and sometimes I don’t know what to say to express my concern because I am afraid she will be pushed away, be triggered, celebrate it … that’s why PROFESSIONAL help is so damn important.

  11. mamavision says:

    Hi Mrs. B: No offense taken, but thank you for your comments.

    You know, going on meds is a huge decision. It should not be taken lightly, nor should it be his major scary step either, and I fear that sometimes it is.

    At least it was for me because I had exausted every single other option over a 12 year period. I tried new natural approaches, pain clinics, meditation, yoga, herbs, trigger point injections, physical therapy, you name it. Meds were my absolute last resort, and I only went down this path with a very trusted therapist that knew me since age 17.

    Sitting here at 38 years of age, 5 years in, I wish like hell I would have tried them sooner.

    I missed out on so much of life, and it makes me sad, but you can’t go back, you know?

    One other important point, I had recovered from my ED without meds. I think the recovery would have been easier and shorter with meds though. Underlying it all I believe was anxiety, so meds would have just gotten me there sooner. Again, my personal view on my personal situation, every single situation is different.

    Finally, it just makes me really sad that there is such a stigma surrounding meds. To this day, I feel the Pharmacist is judging me when I pick them up. Again, I throw that into the ole’ who cares bucket – but it so wrong, but its there and must be dealt with.

    Anyway, thanks for caring. You are a great voice here for the girls and its great to have you as a regular contributor. I enjoy following the progress of your daughter, she is very, very lucky to have such a caring and compassionate mom.


  12. mamavision says:

    Hi Amanda: Thank you also for your comments, again no offense taken. This blog is all about discussion and opinion, that’s what makes it fun and interesting!

    Many, many people have rough side effects with meds, there is no doubt in this. I was lucky that I did not.

    Also, your dr. is key. There’s a lot of hacks out there. You need to do you homework, then find someone that you trust their professional judgement.

    Finally, in my personal opinion, I believe medication needs to be paired with talk therapy. Just taking the meds and being alone doesn’t seem to be a recipe for healing.

    Take care, and keep working to find your way. You will get there through perserverance.


  13. mamavision says:

    Hi Lily: I’m sorry for how you feel. I recall communicating with you and I know you asked that I post more specifically about bulimia.

    I think often I state “ED” which is meant to be a collective whole that could be bulimia, anorexia, ednos, you name it. Please keep this in mind.

    In terms of reaching out and me not helping you, well here’s the deal.
    You need to help yourself kiddo.
    You need to help yourself.

    I am no expert, I try my best to listen, but I have learned one thing….I can’t take on the world. Nor can I spread myself so thin that I don’t help anyone. I’ve stopped direct communication with one on one because I’ve got to focus, focus on my life, and the comments of this community.

    You’ll find your way Lily, you are just looking in the wrong places.


  14. Amy says:

    “I was moved to write and pass along some topic ideas that I would be interested to hear your thoughts about:
    -Resources for EDs when insurance will not pay/concrete ways to help yourself.
    -How to make the most out of your time in therapy (how to open up to a therapist)
    -How to find support for an ED when you are an adult- how to make adult ED treatment and management effective.
    -ED patients having friends who also have ED’s- helpful or harmful?
    -How to talk to one’s parents when you need help for an ED and they do not understand.”

    Yes, Mama Vision, why not attempt to actually provide information about EDs and bust the surrounding stigma rather than “outing” the mentally ill?

  15. KJosie says:

    Amy – i think most of us wish MV would write about useful uplifting topics. Unfortunately MV has no interest in them, especially since they don’t bring hundreds of readers.

  16. Lily says:

    Don’t call me kiddo. How patronising. I’m 24 and I’m pissed off that you seem to think I don’t help myself.
    You are so ignorant of eating disorders. It really is beyond me. Try reading one entry in my blog and maybe you’ll wake up to what it is really like to live with an ed. I hate the way you pretend you know.

  17. Amy says:

    KJosie – That is what is so upsetting about this blog. Rather than providing useful information about eating disorders, promoting recovery, discussing mental health parity, and attempting to bust the stigma surrounding eating disorders, Mama Vision is more dedicated to outing the mentally ill, bragging about how little she used to eat when she was anorexic, and posting triggering information that does more to harm than help.

    I’m not saying that a blog like this cannot exist. I strongly believe in freedom of speech. However, I wish that Mama V would be honest with herself and her readers about the function of her blog and her motives in posting harmful, rather than helpful, information.


  18. Lynn says:

    I really enjoyed your film….I wished I had you here in Texas to talk to…. =)
    You’re awesome!!

  19. Elisha says:


    mamavision, you remind me of anna torv from Fringe the series

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