Quote for thought

quote_choices.jpg

What do you think about this quote?

I found this on BackinSkinnyJeans and it caught my attention because generally I agree with statements that say things in our lives happen for a reason. This one however is saying we draw things to ourselves, it reminds me of The Secret.

I need to ponder this for a while because what does this say for those with mental illness such as eating disorders?

-mamaV

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45 Responses to Quote for thought

  1. Jamie says:

    I personally disagree!!!! Especially about the part that says “all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there”. I did NOT want my mom to die. If this is true then its basically saying I had the power to stop my mom from dying or going through what she did. I didn’t draw that crap to myself or my mom. And as for my wicked step mom I really didn’t ask for her either! So if this is true then I can some how use the same power to get rid of her…doesn’t work that way.
    On the other part, I think its somewhat true. I mean after that all happened I had a choice to either starve myself or still keep eating. But then again I wasn’t starving myself at first for control or anything like that. I was just really depressed and when I get depressed then I don’t eat.

  2. kelly says:

    Bullshit! It’s never that simple!

    and once again mamaV you can’t say “people make choices” AND point the finger at the media and fashion industry…CHOOSE ONE

  3. Amanda says:

    Kelly- where exactly did mamaV say “people make choices”? It is in the quote, but that quote did not come from mamav. It was from Richard Bach. My understanding is that mamaV has to think about what she thinks of this quote.

    I do not think that everything in your life is because you have drawn it to you. That’s like saying a woman was raped because she drew the rape to herself. She did not want to be raped, but the rapist chose to rape her. Saying people draw things to themselves is like say they want bad things to happen to them.

    I do think that the choices we make, and the choices of those around us affect our lives. What we decide to do with those choices is up to us.

  4. Mrs. B. says:

    Not being a big fan of The Secret, because it is pretty occultish, I’m not too big on the whole law of attraction.

    I personally subscribe more to the biblical law helps us maneuver natural law theory, which I think (and this is kind of in my daughter’s words) is designed to reflect God’s love for us. Like God wants us to make good choices in companionship, and treat our bodies as the temples he has designed them to be, and not drink to excess, blah, blah, because he loves us and wants our lives to be peaceful.

    Unfortunately, there is also sin in the world, and so there is sadness and misfortune and death. Because I’m a person of faith, I believe that we were originally designed to live in the garden and live forever, and it was our original sin that changed the plan….and our continued sin that creates all the bedlam around us.

    So in the sense that we “attract” bad through sinfulness, yes, I guess I buy that part, but in the sense that all badness comes at us through our drawing it to us, like Jamie losing her mother, well, no, I think that kind of stuff comes at us because of original sin which disrupted harmony.

    Jamie, I am so sorry about your mother. I don’t think there is a closer relationship in the world (until you marry and have childrn) than that relationship. And then oddly, you pull away from the parent and transfer to your children. So I will pray that you will replace the loss of that mother with the love you will feel for your own family someday.

    I’m rambling.

    I have had a great evening with my daughter. She’s struggling, but she is really working hard to put right relationships around her. She seems full of hope.

  5. x says:

    Dammit all to hell, Mrs. B’s religious babble is probably what made her daughter neurotic enough to have an eating disorder in the first place.
    YOU PEOPLE I SWEAR. Why do I even come to this site, it makes my blood fucking boil.

  6. Aisling says:

    I have been scrolling through mamaV’s blogs for sometime now not commenting but just observing.

    But i feel i kinda have to comment on this quote.

    I did not have the happiest of childhoods in fact I didnt have a childhood and then you hear all these people promoting quotes like this and books like the secret which to me is absolute nonsense.

    Yes in a way if you think positively then good things happen but if your thinking positevly and you get attacked did you draw that to yourself?

    And to the comment above me (x) was there any real need to comment on the people here i thought it was meant to be on the quote?

    Sometimes its better to hold your tongue then to be rude.

  7. twistsis says:

    X

    Seriously!! Take a step back and see what the hell is going on in front of you!!

    If you dont like the site then get lost and dont come here! Noone is making you! and to be honest if your gonna make comments like that I really wont even miss you!!

    Mrs B dont take any notice, nothing that is happening with your daughter is your fault!!

    Nats

  8. Josie says:

    I disagree for the same reason as Jamie – my mum died too. And when i was really little i was abused – a lot of the readers here were actually. Little girls don’t choose to be abused.
    Sometimes i wonder if things are bad for me because i’m a bad person. Especially my mum dying. There’s stuff about me which i’m not at all proud of. But, i don’t know. I’m not all bad, and i don’t think bad enough to deserve all this.

    On the other hand, denying that we have any choice in our lives is bad, and disempowering. Bad things can happen, but there’s an element of choice as to how we react to them.

    And X – keep your mouth shut. What is it with the internet – being anonymous behind glass screens people are 100x more rude than they would be to peoples faces!

  9. vive42 says:

    i think this is one of those things that if you take it with a grain of salt it can be a helpful idea- and i feel basically the same way about “the secret” (which is a silly book i’d never read, btw).

    the idea that through thinking as positively as possible and living in an honest open way and getting in touch with spirituality you can draw good things into your life, and the converse that by closing yourself off, thinking negatively, and not following a moral code you can attract bad things is something i consider true. the problem comes when you take it too far or too literally. then you end up blaming yourself for getting cancer and similar nonsense.

    what really happens when you are optimistic and in touch with your spiritual self is that you attract more good things into your life and when bad ones come up you are more able to deal with them and grow from them.

    i do think, mamaV, that you have trouble with the very idea of mental illness. part of you wants to tell people to buck up, stop being so negative, try harder, change your life! and part of you wonders whether thats a fair thing to say to people who are mentally ill. myself, i think it’s still fair to say, but it’s a lot easier for us to hear it from others who are or have been mentally ill themselves, people who understand it’s much harder for us to put “positive thinking” into practice and even when we try our hardest it might not work the same for us as it does for other people.

    Vanessa

  10. Alex says:

    I rather agree with Vive42 comment.
    But I think this quote was mainly used to inspire one to take responsobility for one self. I mean
    “What you choose to do with them is up to you.”

    That tells me what I do in life is my choice and I shoudln’t blame others for what has happened to me. Off course life is unfair. Thousends of people get sick with cancer every year with out deserving it. But that is just the way it goes sometimes…
    It’s sad but true, and we just have to do the best we can.
    However when it comes to the quote it self, I like to see it out there, it’s far from true, but it makes people think you know?
    Makes people think about their lives, and in the state of things in the modern day world, that’s good enough for me…

    No disrespect
    Hugs Alex

  11. Aisling says:

    Alex i agree with your comment that the choices we make are our own and shouldnt blame others when we make the wrong ones.

    But sometimes our choices are taken away from us and desicions are made by someone else for us and not always in a positive way.

    These are the times when people have not drawn events to themselves they have merely been dealt a bad hand but we do have a choice as to how to react to that hand.

    As children we are more vunerable and generally most of us on here have not had the most happiest of childhoods was it our fault? Did we draw these events to ourselves as the quote says?

  12. Mrs. B. says:

    X,
    I’m sorry if I upset you. I try to be more philosophical on this board than religious. But I am a religious person, so it impacts my philosophy. My undergrad degree was in philosophy, though, so it is interesting to me.

  13. Amanda says:

    I think that some people are so unhappy, they strike out at anyone they can to try to hurt others. I do not think we should indulge this type of behavior by responding to it. If someone wants help or advice great, but if someone just wants to lash out at others, I say ignore it.

  14. Amanda says:

    Mrs. B- I think your great. Your religion is a big part of who you are. It’s not like you constantly spout bible quotes like some others have.

    I lost my mom almost six years ago to cancer. I have two chidren of my own, and though I would give my life for my children, I still miss my mom every day. I do not believe you can replace that loss by having children of your own. It may help the ache in your heart, but that ache will always be there.

  15. a_mother says:

    I think that to a degree this statement is true. In our lives we do have choices, but not all of them are ours. People who have problems in their life now, were sent there by people who made those choices for them. The choice now is up to us, what we do with the bad choices that were made for us….do we move on or do we sit still and continue to take what they have dealt us to live with?….I chose to move on and get help for the things that were not my choice in life that were devestating to me. It isn’t easy, no, but it is neccessary to make life a better one. I already went through rough crap in life if I can get through all that I can get through anything.

  16. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    okay yall, i kinda agree with x. Sorry but my gram and nans religious pressure drove me to want to kill myself and anorexia was to me then, my suicidal choice. i kept changing my reasons for anorexia but my first i belive was i wanted to die because they kept pushing christianity on me sooo much i couldn’t be my own person and wanted to disipere and die in my sleep. Now i just “act out” more often, anorexia still stays with me tis a mental disorder but its funny how so many diffrent things can trigger ya.

  17. Aisling says:

    Christianity was forced on me growing up and i have since swayed from religion and have yet to find my path but i do not agree with x damning everyone to hell.

    Or that mrs B was the cause of her daughters anorexia she might have been a factor but who are we to say she was the cause?

    i also dont think that it is religious waffle Mrs b is merely trying to get her point across by using religion as an example to her point not as a force

  18. mamavision says:

    Mrs B: The regular community here knows you so you don’t have to explain yourself. I think X popped over here, and probably has seen a lot of bible thumping lately, and took it out on you.

    You are not to blame for your daughters eating disorder. You know this, but I am sure you have had your days of questioning. You sure as hell don’t need random people blaming you so I just wanted to lend some reassurance on this point just in case it struck a cord.

    I am glad to here you say she is showing such positive signs of recovery. You have both had a long road.
    -mamaV

  19. mamavision says:

    Hi Vanessa: I guess you never read about my little secret? I’m a wacko too. Anxiety meds for 5 years. Saved my damn life.

    What do you think now?

    -mamaV

  20. mamavision says:

    Ok, here’s my two cents on this quote.

    B.S.

    Plain and simple.

    How you view and handle your circumstance is what you can control. How you got there? Not always in your control.

    Rape, mental illness, incest, abuse….no way that individuals draw themselves to these circumstance and it makes me sad to think these “inspirational” quotes are out there because they only serve to drive guilt, shame, and secrets.

    Love,
    mamaV

  21. Kate says:

    These quotes are lame. Some people believe everything happens for a reason and I understand how people could think that. But to say that we CHOSE to bring on everything in out lives is a pile of crap. I did’nt chose the kind of family I was born into or the people who forced themselves into my life. What are the points of these quotes? To make us wallow in every mistake we have ever made asking ourselves “Was this the cause?” “What did I do wrong?” Also I see the Secret as a load of B.S treat others as you wanted to be treated,was goes around comes around etc. This has been in Elementary School classrooms since the dawn of time.
    Back to the quote…
    This quote seems to perefectly sum up the guilt that surrounds you when you have an eating disorder or a parent with a child who has an eating disorder. I constantly ask myself “What did I do wrong? My family was “perfect” how on earth could I of screwed that up?”
    Either the person who wrote that quote has never had anything bad happen to them and thinks it is because they are such an amazing person or their in dreamland. Who knows?

  22. Sass1948 says:

    yeah…it’s crap.

  23. vanity900 says:

    Okay i really wana talk about the qoute on video…my cams broken too, lol mamav i just watched bed slam..so random hehehe

    Also i was saying that mrs.b caused anything im just saying pushing religion on me trigged me alot, lots of things do many diffrent things sorry if i came across as blaming you for anything!

  24. Tracee Sioux says:

    “Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.”

    This is a really, really hard concept. The idea is that while the above poster may not have control over whether her mother dies and of course that causes pain – she does control her reaction to it.

    She can choose to let it ruin the rest of her life – which would be “the suffering.” Or she can choose to let it be a place of growth and learn to be happy in spite of the pain.

    I don’t suggest this is an easy thing to learn. Only with practice does it become easier.

    You might have limited control over your parents’ bad behavior or abuse as a child, but you can control whether their bad behavior controls the rest of your life by “giving you” an eating disorder.

    There is huge freedom in taking responsibility for our lives – where they have been and where they are going. Without it you really have no power at all.

  25. Rose says:

    I think it’s a “life hands you Lemons, you can make Lemonade or be a sourpuss” qoute in disguise. But this has a twist, saying we somehow draw either lemons or sugarwater to us. If that were true, a lot more of us would be filthy rich..lord knows I’m always wishing I wasnt so poor lol
    But in all seriousness,I didn’t draw my alcoholic abusive father to me, I didnt draw my emotionally abusive grandmother to me, and so forth. Though I may have handled how I related to them better…such as I should’ve fought back and not internalized the abuse. But It’s sort of hard to reach the “sugar” in life’s cabinet when you’re not even old enough to tie your own shoes.
    So, I suppose all I can say is that the only part of this Insprational Quote that I can , as an adult, accept and put to use is the last part because I’m the only one who can take responsibilty for my own choices. Accepting that is the easy part, putting it to use (in the case of my deeply ingrained eating disorder) well…that’s fucking hard as hell…

  26. may says:

    okay this is the second time ive posted this:

    mamav i sent you a message a while back on youtube and still have not heard back from you although you have been online since i sent it.

    if that is not a good way to get ahold of you, what is? i have a question that i asked you and would really appreciate an answer, if you have the time. thanks.

  27. Aileb says:

    MamaV,

    I’m so very happy! You have eating disorders tagged along with mental disorders :)

    Almost all of his quotes are the same-It’s our fault :(

    Here’s two more examples:

    **************************
    Richard Bach

    If it’s never our fault, we can’t
    take responsibility for it.
    If we can’t take responsibility
    for it, we’ll always be its victim.
    – from “Running From Safety”

    and

    “We generate our own environment. We get exactly what we deserve. How can we resent the life we’ve created for ourselves? Who’s to blame, who’s to credit, but us? Who can change it, any time we wish, but us?”

    — Richard Bach, One

    *****************************

    But this quote is beautiful:

    “For most gulls it is not flying

    that matters, but eating. For

    this gull, though, it was not

    eating that mattered, but flight.”

    ******************************

    Yeah, leave it to a me to think that his quotes are thinspiration!

  28. Aisling says:

    “No matter how qualified or deserving we are, we will never reach a better life until we can imagine it for ourselves and allow ourselves to have it.”

    I found this Richard bach quote and i think it applies a lot to eating disorders.

    People can force us into recovery or to get bet etc but we will truly not be recovered until we make that step ourselves and truly want it. maybe

  29. Josie says:

    Aisling – i think that’s right. You can’t recover from an ED unless you want to (though wanting to sometimes comes partway through forced recovery because of the effect starvation has on the brain), because it takes so much determination – and being EDed is what’s natural to us- it’s easier and familiar.
    This is coming from someone who is “recovered”.

  30. Aisling says:

    I was forced into recovery twice now and both times i have gone straight back to anorexia. I think it depends solely on the individual to make that desicion. Although i guess everyone is different

  31. mamavision says:

    Hi May: I apologize – too many messages, too little time. You can reach me at mamavision@gmail.com

    I’ll keep an eye out for your message
    -mamaV

  32. Rachel says:

    I disagree with the first statement, but agree with the latter. You cannot always control those events and experiences that happen to you. What you can control however, is how you respond and react to them.

  33. Aisling says:

    I dont neccessarily think you can control how you react to events and experiences unless you are in full mental health.

  34. Josie says:

    Aisling – i agree. It also depends upon the event. Like a person who suffers horrific abuse or trauma – i don’t think they have much of a choice as to whether or not they develop PTSD for example.
    However, it is good to feel we have control in our lives, because generally we do have more control over our lives than we tend to believe.

  35. Mrs. B. says:

    Rachel,
    I love your hair and glasses, btw.
    :)

  36. x says:

    I saw this and immediately thought of this blog.

    MAMA, here is a girl who left LJ for treatment, and what she had to say about pro-ana communities:

    http://ashleydr.livejournal.com/

    “Best of luck to everyone suffering, and especially to those young adults, children, women, men, whoever that has found this website, or myspace, or any other journaling site to “aid” them in their eating disorder. I looked to these websites for management and instead I found myself sucked into the pro ana community and now I’m dying. The foundation for the ED was already there, but this has built it up strong and now it’s toppling onto me and everyone around me.”

  37. sim'One says:

    people need to feel in control in order to change their lives for the better.
    beliefs like these make people feel like they are in complete control of their lives rather than being victims of circumstance.
    it’s pragmatic in way but it becomes problematic when those same people who want to change their lives for the better by thinking positively, point their fingers at others and say that it’s their own fault if they are suffering.

  38. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    INSPRATION!!!

    I think I got it. We were born with EDs whatever they may be…but we have to choose how to deal with them. So we choose to take kind of a pro ana aproach and just live with it or push for recovery.

  39. shelly says:

    I dont agree with the part that see we draw these things to us….maybe some things. We do however have choices on how we deal with the things that come our way.

    I chose…yes, chose…to stay stuck in my disorder for years. I knew what I had to do to get out of it but it looked harder to deal with shit than to have an eating disorder. Until seven months ago i chose not to deal. But now I am choosing recovery and i choose to look back on my experiences as learning opportunities.
    But I did draw a lot of crap in my past towards me and I definately do not agree with that.

    shelly

  40. Leire Balder says:

    interesting.

    Indeed, we can’t control the events of our lives, but we can control our reactions to those events. BUT, it’s not quite that simple; you are the person you are because of your past choices, your habits, etc. How could the person you were during event “X” have made any decision other then the decision you made? You can play “what if” all day, but in the end it won’t get you anywhere; it won’t change the past. I can look back on past choices and say “Wow, what a terrible decision” but the effects of that choice in my life are on-going (purging is a good example; it took unusual circumstances the first time, and with each time it gets easier and easier to do).

    I guess . . . it’s important to look at yourself as an on-going, ever changing person, and to allow yourself to be imperfect; not in the past where you have already made mistakes, or in the future where you will probably make more mistakes; as Shelly says, you have to look at your mistakes, learn from them, and then pick things up and keep going. I’m not really sure who I’m saying this to; maybe mostly myself, trying to remind me that I have to let go of this ideal of perfection . . .

  41. Grace says:

    My name is Grace, i’m 17, and am dealing with/have dealt with physical, verbal, sexual, and emotional abuse; anorexia; cutting; depression; and being suicidal for years now. I’ve been coming to this site for a couple months now, but have never got the nerve up to leave a comment till now…

    First of all – MamaV, i think what you are doing with this site is awesome. You are giving up your time and energy to make a difference to others – there’s nothing better than that!

    As for the quote, i don’t like it. I agree with the general idea that most of you are saying, often our life circumstances are not up to us, but how we deal with them and how we let them affect us IS up to us… So what we choose to do is up to us, but we do NOT draw bad circumstances to ourselves.

    Grace

    P.S. I am not going to start “pushing religion” on anybody, but i can not leave without saying that if it wasn’t for God, i wouldn’t be alive today. I would have completely given up a long time ago. And for the record, to me being a Christian isn’t “religion” (b/c let me assure you that i have been at a point of being totally burned out by traditional churches where everyone acts so FAKE and tries to force religion on you!!), but it is simply my personal relationship with God. I think X’s comment to Mrs. B was very rude!

  42. Mrs. B. says:

    Grace,
    How can someone so YOUNG, sound so ridiculously SMART. That’s one of the most frustrating aspects of this disease to me. Why does it always take our smartest and most sensitive women?

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