Starve. Or you're outta here!

Here’s a “Dear Abbey” of sorts. I received this email today, name and location has been changed to protect privacy. I figured this community would give some interesting advice.


The story is all too familiar…

Hello mamaVISION,

My name is Zoe i am 17 years old and weigh a healthy 13
stone. I was walking around a fashion show which was being held in my
local area, when i was spotted by Storm models the very same people
who manage Kate Moss.

They asked me if i was interested in modeling and i immediately said
yes to them. I was asked to go downtown the very next day to
meet a photographer who would take some photos for a portfolio.

This was all fine until two months afterwards, i was told to lose 3
stone so i was 10 stone! That would make me have a BMI of 18.0 which i
do not think is healthy. I am now on a diet of 270 calories each day
and have collapsed twice in the last four days. I am not sure what to
do, because they are relying on me to do fashion week!

I feel trapped, and was handed some laxatives by a fellow model what
should i do?

Dear ZT:  

You, and only you can make this decision. If you want to be a model, you need to follow the rules. All of which are quite clear.

I have never been one to tell others what to do when it comes to modeling, its a personal choice. I do try to forewarn others what they are getting into with the fashion industry, and fortunately for you Zoe, you have discovered the facts early in the game.

Ask yourself this question: 

How will you feel if you walk away from this opportunity?

When I was asked this question at 16, I said:

I’ll wonder my whole life what I could have done.

I wanted it. I wanted to be a model. I wanted the excitement, the attention, and really it was a blessing in disguise for me. Crap, I barely got out alive, but still would not change a thing.

Zoe, I wish you health and happiness, and I would never encourage anyone to starve. But the reality is, it goes with the territory. Now you need to decide if being a model is worth the pain and suffering.

I encourage you to reach out to your parents, or any other friend or family member that you trust to help you think through this decision. I posted you question here so you can also ponder the thoughts of others.

Take care,


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57 Responses to Starve. Or you're outta here!

  1. whitenoisemachine says:

    Dear Zoe,
    Congrats on being spotted. You must be a beautiful girl. If you’re interested in modeling, I suggest moving to a different agency with a reference from Storm. Go somewhere where you are accepted for your beauty, not where you are asked to loose weight or change the way you look. I know very little about the modeling world and doubt there are many agencies like this out there. But I’m sure they exist. For example, I’m a freelance photographer looking for some fresh faces. I don’t require my models to change the way they look. Yes, I definitely suggest looking into some independent shoots. The pay might not be as big, but neither is the struggle. Best of luck to you.

  2. Vanessa says:


    you obviously have your head on straight or you wouldn’t have written the letter. you knew in your heart it was wrong for them to expect you to starve and get to such a low weight from the start. so i’ll give you the advice mamaV apparently won’t- tell them to go fuck themselves. they don’t deserve you, and they certainly don’t deserve your concern over them “counting on you”. they told a teenage girl to starve herself! they’ve done it countless times before. they are complete and utter bastards! they don’t care if you live or die, as long as you get real thin and let them take a few pictures in between.

    so yeah, like gabby said you can look for other types of modelling work, i’m sure it’s possible to find. and, duh, it’s your decision. but from reading your letting i just suspect that anyone smart enough to have written it will also be smart enough to choose the right path. and apparently unlike mamaV i do think there’s a right and a wrong answer here. uhhh… passing out and risking death for a few pictures, a few bucks, maybe a couple walks down some plywood platform with people staring at you? or living long enough to have a career and a family?

    might be a hard choice to make, but i do think one of those answers is an awful lot better than the other.

  3. Karrie says:

    Firstly, thanks MamaV for putting this up.

    Zoe – I just want to keep this short and simple so, here goes.

    I don’t know the pressure that you’re under – I won’t lie. Having a fashion week placed upon your shoulders – I can only imagine the kind of responsibility you’re feeling towards it.

    I may seem extremely biased here – because I would say, don’t go for it. Why? Because Dropping 3 stone from your perfectly healthy isn’t right. They’re outrightly asking you to drop to an unhealthy weight to be featured in their show. I know its extreme, but I find it similiar to the “fat farms” they have in Mauritania, where girls are forced to eat and gain weight so they can find husbands. Isn’t this the same situation only the other side of the spectrum? Shouldn’t BOTH these instances be wrong?

    Think about it.

    Also: Take this as a stepping stone – a lesson learnt. If you realised very early on in this game what these people are doing, maybe you can be the one to change those standards. An idea from the top of my head: Find a modeling agency that uses and encourages healthy BMI. Or even set one up on your own in the future. It takes one person to change the world – Adi Bakran is a very good example here.

    Maybe what I said seem unrealistic, but I like to dream of a future where girls aren’t forced to starve or be forced fed to “attain” a standard of beauty.

  4. zombie z says:

    My jaw dropped at the response from “mama v.” But then again, I’m a silly kid who doesn’t think DEATH is worth an unlikely fifteen minutes.

  5. Vanessa says:

    thank you zombie z!!!

    for a patented vanessa-style rant on this go here:

  6. kjosie says:

    Why is weightloss always associated with starvation? Who says models have to starve to be thin?
    If someone was aiming for an exceptionally low weight (i’m talking, under BMI 17) then they’d probably have to starve, and if they wanted to lose weight quickly they’d have to (though that’s pointless because then most of the weightloss would be muscle meaning you’d be fatter in the longterm) too. So what is Zoe’s reasoning?
    It shouldn’t be a choice of health vs modelling for Zoe, if she’s not under massive time-pressures.

  7. Vanessa says:

    i’m pretty sure the losing weight quickly thing applies, josie, because she had to lose 3 stone by a certain time (that’s more than 40 pounds for us non brits. 40 pounds is a hell of a lot of weight).

  8. zombie z says:

    You don’t consider 270 calories starving?

    Everything I’ve read implies that the body begins starving around 900 calories a day (for some, it’s even higher — it all depends on your body make-up). According to Naomi Wolf (in “The Beauty Myth”), prisoners at Nazi concentration & death camps were fed 800-900 calories a day.

    270 calories is: a few apples; a handful of nuts; three eggs; almost four slices of bread.

    Not to mention the letter-writer mentioned that she’d already passed out twice on this “diet.”

    If you don’t call that starvation, you’re fucking crazy.

  9. zombie z says:

    PLUS weight loss IS starvation. Many of these articles talk about studies done about what it actually takes to lose weight — and that is STARVATION.

    The only diet that works is the one that will kill you.

    Again, is DEATH really worth being questionably “famous”?

  10. Mrs. B says:

    Well said, all.
    No offense, Mama V, but you had better get a firmer backbone before your girls grow up, or they will end up like MINE!

    Look at todays Drudgereport.

    Bulimia and anorexia are skyrocketing. That is not happening for no reason. My eyes were opened too late. Don’t let yours be.

    This industry is a big part of the reason why young girls are falling prey to this disorder in record numbers. You starve yourself long enough, or through up often enought to “look like the pictures”, you become mentally ill, whether you were to start with or not.

    Maybe if these jerks couldn’t find any unhealthy models, they would be forced to use HEALTHY ones.

  11. Kim says:

    hi zoe, welcome!! i havent been around much lately so feel out of the loop a bit. after reading what you wrote to mama v all i can say is that having anorexia and have it take over my whole existence, if there were anything i could say or do to avoid even one person to even think of going there, i would. you see zoe, when i began this, i was not planning to get anorexia or to lose control over everything in my life. i did it to gain something, control or whatever, but please see and know that you are worth so much more then you know and you could lose all of it by beginning with this one decision. i have faith in you. i know modeling sounds tempting, but it is short lived and you are young and need to live life not cut your youth short by trying to meet other peoples standards. i say if you really want to model, send out your pictures to other agencies, you must have something or they wouldnt have approached you in the first place. you interview them and if they fit you great if not you dont try to fit the unrealistic goal they set. good luck and best wishes, you will be in my thoughts and prayers xxxkim ps. i hope your parents have the courage to say hell no to these people, you are worth more than your wasteline!!

  12. Kim says:

    and zoe, not to scare you but to educate you, since Christmas night, my heart has stopped 6 times. they started it back those times, but the other sick thing an ed gives you or me anyway is that i wanted it to take my life, i still do. please dont go down this path.

  13. a_mother says:

    Remember that they came up to you, they liked what they saw in the beginning or they wouldn’t have offered the job. Ask them what changed. I know I don’t understand this type of work, but nobody should make you feel bad for being yourself. Yes getting to do this kind of work would be exciting and full of fun, but only if you are alive. You keep going down the road you are going and you will have your electrolites so messed up you will have heart problems and could have a heart attack….then where would you be? I knew a lady who had only been anorexic for about a month and her body couldn’t handle the changes and she had a heart attack and died. You have experienced more than most girls ever get to by just getting to do some of the photo shoots. Is this lifestyle worth your life? I am hoping the answer is no. If more girls set standards for themselves and don’t back down no matter what the angenies say then won’t the agencies have to start doing some changing. Think back to when you were happy with the way you looked and felt. Don’t you want to feel like that again? Only you can make the decision ahead of you…..1. a quick and deadly life that will more than likely end early, all the while hating who you have become and what you see in the mirror….or….2. a happy healthy life feeling good about the person you are inside and out, being strong and knowing you have been true to yourself. Good luck with your decision….no matter which one you choose. I wish you the best either way.

  14. whitenoisemachine says:

    ^ Word to that mother. They picked you out of a crowd looking just the way you do. I’ve just looked on craigslist and found pages of wanted ads for models. You should check that out if you’re interested in pursuing modeling without the dietary restrictions.

    I’m really surprised at everyone’s reaction to MamaV. I feel like what she said was reasonable. She understands the pressure and excitement of modeling, but “Zoe, I wish you health and happiness, and I would never encourage anyone to starve.” Vanessa- the attack on MamaV in your journal was legit, you have the right to your opinion. But… “mamaV? she’s a proana. definitely. even fits her own criteria since she never had a real eating disorder, just was looking for attention by modelling.”

    …That’s a little harsh.

  15. Mrs. B says:

    I would never attack Mama V. She’s wonderful. But I think that she needs to understand how bad things have gotten. Things are considerably worse than they were when we were young. Paris Hilton, Nichole Richie, Keira Knightley, Lindsay Lohan and on and on. These women are not only eating disordered, but they’re OK with admitting it….because heck, there’s nothing WRONG with it. Right?! Everybody does it. Right?! Now if you aren’t starving yourself, you’re hacking off stuff or adding stuff on. It’s screwed up. Completely.
    Zoe…..RUN!! Take up photography or painting or something. Anything but modeling!

  16. Rachel says:

    Zoe, my advice to you is to run the other way. Run as far as you can from this agency! If you really, really, really wish to pursue modelling, follow the advice of those who have suggested that you find other agencies that do NOT have weight restrictions. 3 stone (40 lbs) is an INSANE amount to lose just for a modeling gig that will probably end in something that will be short-lived anyway. They will drop you like a hot potato for any reason at any time. 270 calories a DAY?!?!?!! They need to go fuck themselves.

  17. tinatangos says:

    When I was 17 I wanted to be a model (petite model). An agency expressed interest, and when I interviewed with the guy, he had me turn around, measured me, weighed me, all that stuff. He told me that I needed to get smaller hips first.
    I nearly laughed in his face. My hips didn’t have fat on them. To have smaller hips I would have had to do something really stupid and drastic like surgery or something.
    I never called him back again. I realized that I couldn’t be expected to be something I was not, especially on someone else’s terms.
    I advise you to leave that agency. Perhaps even leave modeling altogether. You are young and have the whole world at your fingertips. You can travel and have excitement in your life in many other ways besides modeling. Focus on what you want to study in college, and use your education to create a fabulous, rewarding career for yourself that requires use of your mind.
    Good luck, and please take care.

  18. kjosie says:

    This scares me, because it’s close to home – my 16-year-old sister is involved with the exact same agency.

    Zoe – do you have a time-limit on your weightloss? If you’re going to pursue modelling, then it would be greatly advantageous to you if you lost weight slower, in a more healthy manner – lots of healthy food, plenty of exercise. With starving there are 3 major flaws.
    1) it will screw up your physical and mental health pretty quickly, maybe even inducing an eating disorder – the others have talked about that plenty so i won’t elaborate.
    2) when you lose weight too fast a large proportion of the weight lost is muscle. That means that you don’t lose much more body fat than if you were losing weight slower. It also slows your metabolism so you gain weight easier and losing weight is harder. It’s also dangerous because ALL muscle and tissue is burnt for fuel – including your heart muscle!
    3) the body will start panicking about you not getting enough food, and try to make you eat. The thought of food won’t get out your head, you’ll be obsessed, and you may end up binge-eating – shovelling in food really quickly and desperately. With that there’s the possibility you could gain the weight back, and if you panic and try tp purge you end up spinning into bulimia. Not good.

    As for laxatives – don’t bother. They don’t do anything to make you lose weight. All they do is grab loads of the water from around your body, put it in your intestines, and give you diarrhoea to get the food out quick. It fools you into thinking you’ve lost weight because you lose so much water.

    My advice would be to not do it. They’re compromising your health and happiness, indicating they don’t care about you, and you don’t want to work for people like that.
    If you look at mamaVs experience – modelling isn’t the way to go if you’re not naturally model-shaped and you have to constantly conform to their expectations. I’ve come across quite a few models with disordered eating and none are happy.

  19. Zach(Zoe) says:

    Hello Everyone,

    I respect what mamaVISION is saying.

    I am “Zoe” my actual name is Zach and i am male. You gave great points, and i respect every single one of them.

    I spoke to the agency, and the photographer is no longer working for Storm Models. I honestly believe sometimes that the agency does not know what is happening. The model who handed me laxatives i found out that she has Bulimia, so i did not one to tell anyone about the laxatives and get her into trouble for her own health sake meaning i did not want her to binge over being dropped, i could not be the root cause of it.

    I am still with the agency, and i just have to be 11 stone now which is healthy for my height :)

  20. a_mother says:

    I am glad that with you wanting this that you took a stand and talked to them about the issue. See they were able to compromise with you and work it out. I do believe that the agencies need to have more people tracking what the photographers are doing. No matter what the agency is responsible because it is their name that is being marred by who they have work for them. If they want good people like yourself to walk away because of the terms offered they can keep hiring people like they did, But if they want people who are willing to work and be able to work because they aren’t fainting or dieing then they need to have more checks and balances in their agencies. Best of luck to you and hope you get all that your heart desires. Just remember to be true to yourself…if you aren’t nobody else will be. Take care. Laura

  21. Kim says:

    good luck zach!! just please be careful you wrote on one of the other pages that you were just recently diagnosed ed nos, so dont let this be a reason to get worse. Im proud that you stood up for yourself and if they are asking you to be a healthy weight please work to get there in a healthy manner. congrats zach!!

  22. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    This is why i would never be a model, i would like being in front of people and wearing cloths…but thats not what its about and its not really fun as I though it was. I’ll never model. I’m too fat, I’m too short. I’m okay with that.

  23. painwhore says:

    I just have a question, isn’t 13 stone, 182 lbs? How tall is this girl that 182 is a healthy weight? I don’t mean to sound rude, but 10 stone would only be 140 pounds which is still considered to be healthy, even if someone was 5’10.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree this girl who is fine with herself should start starving just to model, I think that is rediculous, but that does not necessarily mean she is at a healthy weight.

    Maybe my calculations are wrong but I weigh 12.6 stone/177 lbs at 5’5 and I am considered plus size, being size 13/14 and know damn well noone would ask me to model unless it was for plus size, and if that were the case, they would not ask me to downsize my waist.

    I think that “Zoe” should look at a new career choice that does not involve her starving herself/developing an ED just to look how others want her to. It’s not worth your health.

  24. painwhore says:

    Ok well I just read Zachs post after I wrote, and I did not realize it was a male, otherwise my previous post may have been different knowing males are taller and supposed to weigh more.

    Zach, if modelling is what you want, be safe and lose weight the healthy way. You deserve health and happiness. Never change for anyone but yourself. Take care.

  25. Katie says:

    Zach — good luck. I’m glad you will be able to go about it in a healthier way.

    painwhore — That’s what I thought at first, too. However, at my height, 182 lbs really would in the middle of the healthy weight range. 140 is actually considered underweight for me.

    It’s always been hard for me because a weight that sounds really large is healthy or even too low for me.

    18.0 bmi is fine for a young female, but males naturally have more muscle mass and weigh more. In any case, being asked to lose over 40 lbs when you’re already healthy is ridiculous and dangerous.

  26. Vanessa says:

    i still think mamaV’s response was out of line and out of character since she seems to have no problem giving opinions and advice to so-called “proanas” (still not sure if she’d put me in that category or not) not to mention harsh judgements about the character of those eeevil “proanas”.

    that said, i think zach/zoe did the right thing, which was to speak up and refuse to harm his health. that said, zach, you still might want to reconsider modelling after you’ve met any committments you’ve made already. if you have an ed, it will be made worse by so much scrutiny of your body, don’t you think? and if you don’t have an ed, don’t think you’re safe just because you’re a guy! i’ve known 2 guys who model and both of them had really bad eds, one of them eventually got down to 100 pounds- and he was 6’2″!

    best of luck, and like i said before it does sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so hopefully you’ll stand up for yourself and stay healthy whether or not you go on with modelling.

  27. zombie z says:

    BMI is worthless.

    And just because it’s worth saying again: Diets don’t work.

    I’m curious why Zach felt the need to reveal his gender??

  28. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    well zombie, i think it changes things. We usualy think of modles as girls, and this could turn into a case of manorexia.

  29. Katie says:

    ^ I kind of dislike the term “manorexia.” Anorexia, or any eating disorder, isn’t a girl’s disease. Anyone can get it.

  30. zombie z says:

    Oh, I REALLY dislike the term, for exactly the reason you described, Katie. Implying that a man is even more of a “freak” than he already feels for his disorder just discourages him from seeking help.

  31. anon says:

    This post is fishy. MV received the e-mail today (or late last night) and all of the sudden, in less than 24 hours, Zach has everything resolved?

    I call bullshit.
    When people run out of steam, they start grasping at straws.
    MV is grasping…

  32. mamavision says:

    Hi Zach: I am glad you decide to post your comments here, and I hope you found some value in reading what others had to say about your situation.

    Take care,

    • Bob says:

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  33. mamavision says:

    Anon: I’d like you to know that I wrote this post during the 15 minutes of break I had between meetings. I read Zach’s posts, and didn’t want to delay, so I felt it was important to state my advice and also throw this out to the intelligent and compassionate community of women that reside here.

    Your comment was, well, out of line, and kind of demented. Do you really think I would take the time and energy to dream up such a thing?


  34. mamavision says:

    Anyone who has been a teen knows that the last thing you need to be told is to not do something you desire to do. This is at the core of my response to Zach.

    This is not about modeling, its about life, and allowing an individual, yes even a teenager, or child for that matter, make certain choices for themselves.

    My parents were scared as hell to let me go, but they had the courage to do so, and they trusted that I would find my way, which I did.

    I don’t believe that telling Zach – “Run away! You are worth more! Stand up for yourself!” would do any good, since he needs to experience life for himself and make his own decisions.

    Mrs B: Between you and I, I have no idea if I will have the balls to say this type of response to my own son or daughter when the time comes!!! But I can say, I sure hope so. Do you know why? My parents showed me this level of respect, and it worked. I am very much aware I would not be who I am or where I am without my psychotic modeling experience….I will venture to guess that your daughter will say the same someday about her eating disorder experience.


  35. Rachel says:

    MamaV, I love you. You rock so much. I’m so glad that you were able to find your way through the muck and disgustingness of the modelling industry. It has made you the awesome person you are today.

    As far as my previous posted advice to Zach is concerned: I still stand by it. My personal advice would be to still run. However, it sounds like you did work something out with your agent, which is a step in a postive direction.

    Go your own path, but if you already suffer, are prone to suffering, or may suffer an ED as a result, it’s not worth it.

    I definitely think that we need more models (male AND female) at your weight, though. In my own personal and humble opinion, I would be much more apt to pay attention to an ad with somebody of your healthy weight. Heck, I might even be turned on by it. A very rare occurence for me in the current modelling climate.

  36. alien says:

    Sure hardships make you stronger, but having experienced the loving, understanding and handholding mom I often wonder how much easier it would have been, if I feared and respected a scary mother instead of respecting the demands of an eating disorder. Sure children need to learn from their own experience, but as a mother I wish I’ll have the strength to “beat” my child rather than let her be beaten by mental illness. … I know life is not as simple as my words above, but I do think that some authority would have helped me in my youth.

  37. alien says:

    “I am very much aware I would not be who I am or where I am without my psychotic modeling experience … I will venture to guess that your daughter will say the same someday about her eating disorder experience.”

    … some never marry, never have children, cannot hold a job, fall to alcoholism or drugs, suffer from osteoporosis etc. – what good does it do to one day realize they wouldn’t be who they are without the eating disorder?

    That was a pro-anorexia talk. For example in ocd (obsessive-compulsive-disorder) the difference between an ocd patient and someone who has a demanding personality, is, that the one having demanding personality thinks she benefits of her unbalanced attributes, whereas ocd patient suffers from her unbalanced attributes.

  38. Vanessa says:

    mamaV- your response that teens should be allowed to make their own choices would be so much more understandable if you didn’t basically spend all your time lecturing people about how to think, act, feel, etc. particularly “proanas”.

    question: if “proanas” as you define them are making dangerous bad choices and no effort should be spared in pointing out the error of their ways, why is the dangerous bad choice to enter modelling any different? same behaviors, same reasons, even. only difference i can see between your definition of a “proana” (a definition i do not accept) and a model is that models get paid to obsess over their appearances and starve themselves. oh, and models harm the society at large, while “proanas” are a small, mostly unknown, internet group.

    i don’t think the letter was fake, although i do wonder how things were resolved so quickly- i was thinking maybe mamaV takes a looooong time to read her email. so by the time she read the question he’d already resolved it on his own.

  39. Xan says:

    MamaV, I’m so disappointed in you! I thought that you, of all people, would respond to this more passionately. When any girl asks if it’s acceptable to be forced to starve herself to fit some twisted ideal the answer should be a resounding “no!” plain and simple.

  40. kjosie says:

    Zach – well done for sorting this issue out. I really hope you get “back on track” with eating, and get back to health.

    MamaV – “psychotic modeling experience” is not the correct terminology. As someone who has experienced psychotic illness i take offence when the term is thrown around so lightly. Stick with “crazy” or “insane”, not a medical term.

  41. alchemist1977 says:

    Hmm. . .Yea I agree with most of these responses. Fleeting modeling career leading to likely early death? or the life of a non-famous person. . .Hmmm. . .I guess if you really need to be famous, get noticed, get killed, Then by all means. . .me? I’d rather have a positive effect on those I meet, my family, my friends, and be remembered as a person with integrity, make a mark with my life by trying to be a decent person to everyone, rather than a nameless face to be stared at like a circus freak.

  42. Keia says:

    I did not expect so many to judge MamaV on her reply. She is in no position to directly tell one person how to live her life. Or if she had said “No!” she would never know how that impacted the person, just as she does not know if the person would develop an ed from a ridiculous diet. I think speaking of her experience and telling a teenager to speak to his parents was the best she could do.

  43. draz says:

    I lost 42 pounds (about 3 stone) in under three months this summer. I also visibly lost muscle tone and gained cellulite. I lost most of my hair. I lost my libido. I lost my energy, and memory, and ability to stand up without feeling faint. I lost my freakin’ mind, in other words.

    Losing that much weight in a hurry is just bad news.

  44. Kristin says:

    That sounds a lot like my diet :/ I’m loosing 1 kilo in four days now, but I really don’t think I’d be persuaded out of it. I feel better every day! :/ Is it really true about the heart muscle? That it could ‘die’ on you even though you’re not 16 BMI?

  45. zombie z says:

    Um, yes, Kristin. Starving will kill you.

  46. kjosie says:

    Yes Kristin.
    Heart muscle is one of many things that gets screwed up by starving yourself. When i was ill i couldn’t hold in my wee, because the muscle had been burnt away – incontinent at age 17 – very attractive. Anorexics brains have holes burnt in them, where the body is so desperate for nourishment it uses the brain tissue for fuel. Vitamin deficiencies galore. I had anaemia and i got oozing bleeding flaking sores on my face. I’ve got grey streaks in my hair. I used to black out in the shower. I’d bleed from my ass.
    And, lol, i wasn’t “sick enough” for ED treatment – what a joke. Stop it now if it’s not too late.

  47. Rachel says:

    mamaV- your response that teens should be allowed to make their own choices would be so much more understandable if you didn’t basically spend all your time lecturing people about how to think, act, feel, etc. particularly “proanas”.

    There’s a large difference between a teen or any other person who is not suffering from an eating disorder and one who is. A person with an eating disorder is suffering from a mental and physiological disease, in which their ability to rationalize and make informed decisions is diminished. Quite frankly, your brain isn’t functioning correctly if you’re actively starving yourself, engaged in a binge/purge cycle and/or are at an unhealthy low weight.

    And Kristin, eating disorders have serious health risks at ANY weight. You need not look like a Holocaust victim for an eating disorder to be serious and even deadly. By most newspaper accounts, Terri Schiavo weighed between 145-150 pounds when she suffered a heart attack brought on by her eating disorder.

  48. Annon. says:

    Zach, I’m really pleased you stood up for yourself – more people should do that, especially when it comes to matters such as this. Good on you!

    Please be aware, though, the fashion industry can be dangerous. One of my friends was suffering from anorexia, and just after he’d been to the doctor and been given weeks to live, someone walked up to him at the train station. He thought it was going to be another random person telling him they’d pray for him because of his weight, but instead he was offered a modelling job, based on his weight. I was frankly relieved when he found out he was an inch too short for the job… :(

    I agree with Mama V, you need to decide what you want to do, one of the greatest things about life is that we are free to make our own decisions. Whatever you do, though, please keep a hold on the mindset you have now. The fashion industry is not the source for opinion about your ideal weight – if you ever come by pressure to loose more, ask someone who knows what they’re talking about and whose brain isn’t eroded by glossy magazines. The fashion industry is very exciting and glamorous but as a measure of self-worth, it sucks.

  49. Kristin says:

    Thanks kjosie, I’ll try… Glad you’re feeling better now. I guess I’m thinking nobody else cares because I’m not obviously anorexic, and so what’s the big deal. It’s hard to think of it as a problem… yet…
    True about Terri Schiavo. That’s why I don’t even dare to purge anymore!


  50. kjosie says:

    Kristin – do you think in part your ED is about trying to tell people that you’re not okay? A lot of peoples EDs have an element of that.
    Part of my ED was trying to tell people “i’m not okay over here!!!” but it never really worked out, mainly because i never got all that thin, and in the 5 years i had my ED i screwed myself up quite a bit. In that time i self-harmed a lot, and still do now. Recently people saw, and now everyone knows. And ridiculusly – people care more about a little bit of self-harm than a life-threatening ED – and people are very aware that things aren’t okay.
    It’s not like i’m suggesting “try get over the ED and take up self-harm instead!!!” but there are less drastic ways of telling people things aren’t alright.

  51. Amber/vanity900/cult66623 says:

    I should aplogise for the manorexia thing. Sorry guys, I saw it on the Tyra Show and i now i see its retarted to say that when both are the same thing.

  52. zombie z says:

    Let this be a lesson: Don’t believe everything Tyra says.

    Also, using “retarded” in that way (and misspelled, no less) is considered pretty offensive as well.

  53. Kristin says:

    josie – probably. But also the ed is like this force that gets stronger and stronger; I’m not really sure about the screwed up psychology behind what I’m doing, besides I’m too spaced out from eating very little. I’ve always wanted to be skinny but ended up a bulemic and at a total normal healthy weight. People told me I looked healthy and all that, at the same time I was really, really, really sick. I would have wanted them to see that, you know, “you destoy me!!” – but unfortunately my acting left me completely alone with my e.d. I don’t think I even realized how bad it had become. Even making myself sick was so much better than the guilt, shame, you know.
    The situation now is, I’ve actually got the controle I wanted. I feel so desperate, it’s like I know I should diet sensibly but I have to get it off NOW. I dont want to die, or become really sick – I need to live, for the first time. Feel ok about myself (which obviously I never will). Does that make sense?
    All I do is count my 300 cals all day and night, contemplating tomorrow and fearing all the food groups. :/
    I think I’m so wrapped up in it, I’ve given up on anyone noticing me. They don’t really care that much anyways. I think I’m alone.

  54. Kristin says:

    By the way, josie, I used to self harm as well. When I told my doctor I was bulemic she started talking about it being some kind of self harm as well. Like that’s supposed to help me. Hey – if my doctor doesn’t even care enough to try to get me sorted out, who am I to start caring about myself? I’m torn between the Terri Schiavo-thing where eds totally freak me out and I want to be normal – and thinking evidently no one cares, unless I get fat, and they’ll hate me even more.


  55. AnneMarie says:

    MamaV –
    I can’t believe that was your response.
    “That is what comes with the industry”
    “Do you feel it’s worth the sacrifice”

    WHAT THE HELL?? Aren’t you the one begging girls not to starve themselves to fit into other peoples beauty ideals??
    Aren’t you trying to get us to sign PETITIONS demanding the industry change itself to fit the actual people?

    And here you tell this girl, if she wants to model she has to ‘play by the rules’.
    What a fuckin hypocrite you are! That’s some straight-up BULLSHIT, and you damn well know it.

    Zoe, fuck that shit. There are hundreds of models that don’t starve, take laxatives and pass out daily and still model just, fucking, fine. The problem is with the agency, not YOU.
    Messing with restriction is something that can become a life-long horrible, horrible addiction that can consume your life and leave you with nothing but a disability check, empty wrappers and rotten teeth.

    No job is worth it. I have vomited every single damn day for the past decade – for what? So for a few days in June 1995 I could walk back and forth across a raised strip of wood?

    It’s not worth it. I swear to GOD it’s not!

  56. walter says:

    You were wonderful! :)

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