Misery. We wallow in it, we promote it, we continue behaviors to fuel it, all while telling others we are trying. Are we trying? Or have you given up at the moment?
If you are at the depths of your ED, you are probably ready to smack me right now, but that’s good. At least you are alive and thinking. The hard thing about eating disorders is they are all encompassing. You are either in, or out, there’s is not a lot of in between.
Plus nothing phases you when you are in deep. The mind reels incessantly, like a hamster on a wheel, squeaking as it spins, day in and day out, until you don’t know what normal is anymore. Can you imagine if someone was tape recording your daily thoughts? Nuts. Absolutely insane.
How many times would you say negative feelings about yourself?
How much would you be questioning your actions? What you said? How you said it? What ‘they’ think of you?
It’s a damn living nightmare, but I am here to say you can come back. Come back stronger, and harder, and more confident. You can beat this devil of a disease, but it takes persistence, resilience, and one hell of a lot of energy.
Let me tell you what’s waiting for you on the other side. Visualize being capable of;
Reading a book and not losing your place because you can’t concentrate on anything but hunger pains.
Sitting at the dinner table with friends, focused on their faces, expressions, and their words, rather than the food that will not stop calling your name.
The mirror becomes just a mirror, not the arch enemy, judge and jury.
Forgetting, honestly, forgetting to eat because you were so engaged in an activity.
Tell me the last thing you did where you felt like you were in the moment?
Just living life for life’s sake.
Let’s talk new year. Fresh start. Breaking old habits. Building upon healthy ones.
I want you to: Believe, conceive, achieve.
PS my new year’s resolution is to stop underestimating. When it comes to time, energy, effort, you name it- I will underestimate what it will take to accomplish it. I like to call it “optimism….to a fault.”