Size 0 is now available in pill form! Just pop one, I mean four, of these little beauties a day and you too can look like a zombie runway model.
This simply fabulous breakthrough secret is contained in a dainty little black box, with the answer to happiness plastered front and center just in case you forgot that anything above a size zero is, well, eeewwww.
Brought to you by your friendly mall vitamin store GNC, the leaders in converting lard asses nationwide, into “Hot, Radiant, Alluring, Elegant & Beautiful” creatures.
Just a few silly warnings, pay no mind:
Not intended for use by individuals under the age of 18 (but what about my 10 year old daughter who is dieting with me?)
Consult with a physician prior to, during and after use (I’ll get right on that)
If you are taking any prescription medication or have any medical condition (wait, that eliminates 99% of the population)
If you have been treated for or diagnosed with, or have a family history of, any medical condition including, but not limited to:high blood pressure, heart disease, liver disease, kidney disease, peptic and gastric ulcers, cardiac arrhythmia, renal disease, hyperthyroidism, spasms, glaucoma, psychiatric disease, psychological conditions, anxiety, depression, nervousness, seizure disorder, stroke, angina, diabetes, asthma, suffer from migraines, are allergic to tyramine or chocolate or sensitive to the effects of caffeine (that eliminates the other 1% of us)
Do not take in conjunction with any supplement or over-the-counter drug containing ephedrine alkaloids, caffeine, pseudoephedrine, phenylpropanolamine or any stimulants. One serving of this product contains approximately as much caffeine as two cups of coffee (catch a buzz off the stuff simultaneously, I like it).
Do not use if you have a history of drug use. Do not use with alcohol (I’m out)
Do not use during high intensity activities in high temperature conditions (exercise not allowed.)
Discontinue use and consult a physician immediately if you experience any of the following: nervousness, sleeplessness, dizziness, cardiac irregularities or rapid heart beat, shortness of breath, tremors, nausea, chest pain, tingling sensations, behavioral changes, loss of consciousness, or other similar symptoms (any one still alive?)
NOTE: The product name Size 0 does not depict the amount of weight loss or clothing size goals that will be achieved with use of this product. Individual results will vary depending of body type and fitness goals.
Manufactured Exclusively for Size 0 Labs
3133 Fortune Way Suite #4 (nice address)
Well, since this one won’t do the trick for me, I’ll pop some “clen.”
Never heard of it? Get with the program man, they’ve been vaccinating horses with it for years.
We are one desperate bunch ladies, and I don’t see any light at the end of this tunnel.