1 Year Anniversary

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It’s been one year since I started blogging. A year, entered blindly, not knowing what was to come or even why I had this driving desire to write, to ponder, to dig into this eating disordered world.

It would have been easier to bury it all, just let the secrets be secrets. But passion doesn’t die. This was something different, something big, something I needed to pursue.

The community that has developed here is nothing short of amazing. We support one another, we bear our souls, we scream and holler, we agree to disagree. At the end of the day, we come back, and that is what it’s about.

YOU are the reason this blog is what it is.

YOU have given me more than you can ever imagine.

Thank YOU

A look back at mamaVISION 2007:

Top post of all time: Internet Suicide

Post with most comments: Pro Ana Privacy

Post with the most pissed off comments: Pro Ana Privacy and Make Your daugther Anorexic

Weirdest post: The Masturbation Capital of the World

Saddest post: A girl named Gil

Best modeling story post: I accidently posed nude

Best fashion industry post: Death by Diet Coke & Lettuce

Post no one cared to comment on: Hollywoods Finest

Post I wish I never wrote: no regrets

My favorite post: Take it or leave it

What’s your favorite post? What keeps you coming back? How have you evolved over this past year?

-mamaV

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58 Responses to 1 Year Anniversary

  1. Vanessa says:

    so, whatever happened to the donation button heather? take the money and run?

    hope you change your ways or disappear before another year passes. stop victimising the same communities you claim to be trying to help.

  2. Josie says:

    I wouldn’t agree that Gils was the saddest post. Kristi’s by far.
    I’m still furious that you’re keeping that post up for all to see, as is everyone else who knew Kristi. It’s deeply disrespectful to her memory, especially with the inaccuracies of how you portrayed the events.
    Why do it? Is it because the post brings you more controversy, and therefore more readers? Your blog as a whole is fuelled by controversy.

  3. AlexaaaA says:

    im agree Kristi’s its the saddest post. to Read her last words makes me cry.

  4. Emily says:

    Hiya Mama V-

    Think my favourite post is “just be” the one on youtube! this really helped me, made me realise that there is a reason to get well again and that there is a better life for me after anorexia.

    I think i have changed alot over the past year of you making this blog, when i first found this blog i was so ill and was on the verge of giving up on life and just letting anorexia kill me, but since i found the support from u and the girls i realized that i dont wana die and that i can do this, of course i stil have my bad days and have not yet recovered but i can defiently see a change in me from the past year. with out u and the girls i really think i could of been dead or very very ill. I have just come out of hospital had been in there for about 2 and a bit months, am now in a clinic part time and on my way to improving, i cant thank you enough for making this blog, u are a truly amazing woman, hope u carry on with this for a long time.

    what makes me keep coming back is that i know that whenever i come on the blog and forum no one will judge me and that every one on here is in the same sort of situation as me or has recovered.

    Thanks for everythink heather, u are great- hope to keep in touch with u.

    love u always
    Emily XxXxX

  5. Sass1948 says:

    i dont have a favourite…i havent been here for a year but i know i like you lots & thats why i come back…as i originally stated when i first contacted you “i think you are brilliant”

  6. Tina says:

    Happy Anniversary!

    I’ve never had an eating disorder but someone very close to me battled one for quite some time, and this site has helped me to feel so much compassion and support and love for this person.

    You are a huge confidence booster, you know.

    Here’s to another year to come!

  7. Kim says:

    happy anniversary. i just emailed you and happened to pull up the blog and this was there. i so needed to see you and hear your voice today. im crying again. i am glad you are going to keep doing the blog. alot of people bitch or argue (leave it to us black or white/ right or wrong thinkers) but when i found this site i felt understood and found that your videos and stories comforted me. it felt like you really were the voice of reason that i needed because somewhere along the way in my life i lost mine. thanks and please dont give up the blog.

  8. mamavision says:

    Hi Vanessa: Thank you for the warm and kind words on the communities anniversary.

    Your cheap shots are weak and uncalled for.

    -mamaV

  9. mamavision says:

    Hi Josie: As we have discussed we both experienced Kristi’s situation from different perspectives. I certainly respect your point of view, and I ask that you respect mine.

    I wonder why you are not angry with the Live Journal community that has yet to pull down her suicide journal…don’t you find this odd?

    Kristi’s journal is what it is. I believe those who read her words, and her struggle, walk away with something. An understanding of how being a part of the pro ana community (for support or otherwise) is a dead end.

    -mamaV

  10. mamavision says:

    Hi Emily: WOW! You should be so proud of yourself. You have come along way, and accomplished so much.

    I am glad you find support here, and you enjoy the community. I always enjoy reading what you have to say, and you really contribute to the positive voices here.

    I need to watch “just be,” after I record them I don’t go back and listen to the videos.

    Thanks for your kind words, be strong!
    -mamaV

  11. Vanessa says:

    mamaV: i’ll stop taking cheap shots when you do. pot calling the kettle black again. your last post absolutely outraged me and no, i’m not over it.

    check out my blog if you want well reasoned argument. but like i said, i’ll stop taking cheap shots when you do. no sooner.

  12. Heidi says:

    Internet suicide is what brought me here. I guess I stay for those blogs like Adaptation and Fat Rant. I want to change my attitude so I can change my life and want to live, regardless of my weight.
    Thanks MamaV!

  13. withlovebyli says:

    I have only been following along for the last few months but I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far.

    I keep coming back because we share similar thoughts on pro-ana, EDs and healthy bodies. You have the energy, determination and dedication to do what I want to do and you articulate it better. 😉

    How have I evolved…oh yes, I conquered my eating disorder. Evolution, baby.

    From the bottom of my heart, happy anniversary, MamaV! *throws confetti*

    Love,

    Li

  14. palmtreechick says:

    Happy Birthday-versary!!

    I accidently posed nude too. Oh wait, no I didn’t. My pants just fell down because I wasn’t wearing a belt. :)

    I have evolved over the past year; evolution is amazing. I’ve gone from an ape to a cavewoman in just one year. 😉 I wonder what I’ll evolve into next.

  15. Rachel says:

    Congratulations, MamaV!! I can say that singlehandedly, you have been my saving grace in this disordered mess. I’m here with you fighting the attitudes and things that fuel these things.

    Healthy body image, baby! Yeah!!

    Vanessa: I’m not here to pick a fight, but your constant nit-picking and jabbing at MamaV hurts, it doesn’t help. I don’t agree with everything that MamaV says, and I’m not saying that you need to, but geez, woman!! I’m all for honest, open discussion, but your attitude does not harbor honest, open discussion. It puts people on the defensive. I’m not saying that you just have to rollover with everything that people say, but there *is* some good to be seen here. So, woman, chill out!

    Peace out!

  16. panda07 says:

    I just come here to see what the mad ole bat is shouting about this week! lol
    O yeah happy Anniversary :o)

  17. Josie says:

    Livejournal.com has a policy to not remove peoples journals; it’s part of their TOS.
    I guess we can assume Kristi didn’t want to delete her LJ, as she didn’t.

    MamaV – you percieved Kristi to be an ignorant “pro-ana” who got sucked into proanorexia, became depressed as a result of proanorexia, was mod and led other girls to become “pro-ana” too.. their “ringleader”.
    You couldn’t be further from the truth there.
    Kristi was 34, not some ignorant little kid. She’d been ill for years. Suicide is one of the leading causes of death in anorexia and bulimia. Proanorexia didn’t kill her. She’d been mod for about 4 months and was trying to make changes to make it safer – banning tips and stuff.
    Your post is an insult to her memory.

    You’re only leaving it here because you’ve twisted it to match your views, and because it’s brought you so many readers.

  18. Vanessa says:

    hey rachel- i’ll try to tone it down a little. she just gets me so mad sometimes!

    (oh, and support to josie. i wasn’t here then, but maaan if i had been…)

  19. Sarah says:

    thanks for all you do mamaV,
    even though everyone can’t agree on everything, i do think we can agree this is a healthy place to talk to other girls to make ourselves feel better!

  20. Nathalie says:

    The post that brought my attention to this blog was kristi’s suicide. Favorite post? Don’t have one. Many posts here are very mis-informed and biased towards your theory. Why I keep coming back? The intelligent dialogue between Vanessa and Josie.

  21. Emily says:

    Vanessa-
    can u please stop all these fights wid mama V- i don’t understand u, why do u come on here if all u do is disagree wid her? Remeber she doesent have 2 do this blog, she has done it out of the goodness of her heart to help people wid ED’s and to support them, she has her own family but she still carrys on with the blog and support so i dont get why u are so angry with her, what has she ever done 2 u?
    i am all for free speech but ures goes way 2 far, couldent u put ur point across without being sarcky and nasty?
    mama V is only trying to help, and she has to many girls, so just tone it down please,

    Emily XxX

  22. echo says:

    Congrats!

  23. Sarah says:

    Vanessa, I agree with Emily. I understand you don’t agree with a lot of what mamaV says, and there are a few things I don’t agree with either. But nobody agrees on everything. I know, FOR ME, and probably a lot of other girls here, we come here for help and support. If it’s not your kind of place, why do you have to be insulting? When i come on this site it is most usually after a bad encounter or day when I need to talk to someone. Instead, I see you and Josie and MamaV going back and forth and I feel like that’s more of the priority. I have nothing against you and many of your posts are very intelligent and you have stated your case, but if you could tone it down a little bit, and most of all try to be more positive, I’d appreciate it.

  24. AlexaaaA says:

    I forgot to say Happy aniversary…
    lately i have not been agree with most of what you said, but i truly belive that there’s good intentions behind the mistaken things and wrong opinions you may have, im agree to disagree but just try to not lose the point here, you’re trying to help, not to hurt, and sometimes the opinions of what you may not know well, really hurts…

    And i have to say it… still hurts you calling me ugly.i know i have to let it go, but i keep thinking about it… and yes… im a drama queen…

    Hope you’re not taking it in a bad way, i tell you this from the bottom of my heart, and actually i like you, i thing you’re a good person with good intentions.

  25. Rachel says:

    I’m in agreement with Sarah and Emily.

    We’re not required to blindly agree with everything somebody says. That would not be fair to us, and that certainly isn’t fair to the person saying it (in this case, MamaV). Healthy debate is fine. Random attacks and outright bitchiness is crude and gets old and boring.

    I’m up for healthy debate. For the most part, MamaV has a good head on her shoulders, a good heart, and is here to generally help out. I personally find her comments interesting, and usually spot-on with bringing attention to the issue.

    Mama, your commentary and blog are very thought-provoking and I enjoy coming here every day and seeing the new posts that are up for me to think about and respond to.

    I like healthy debate, but what Vanessa and Josie bring are not necessarily healthy debate. Now, before i go any further, I’m going to acknowledge Vanessa’s reply to me that she said that she would try to cool things down. Thanks, Vanessa, that’s very cool of you! From an impartial, third-person perspective, I think it could potentially be wise to at the very least, be objective about what MamaV posts. No, you don’t have to agree with everything she says, and you are by no means required to. However, viewing things from a perspective outside of your own may help you to understand why she is making these posts. I generally don’t have a problem with what she says. When I do, I by all means speak up, but I don’t make it my personal mission to argue with and destroy everything she says, as you appear to. Now, you may not have that personal mission, but geez, sometimes it seems like it! Josie too! Now, you both are pretty dern cool once we get through the snarkiness… Again, I suppose, just chill and take things into perspective. I think it would do us all some good. :-) :-) :-)

  26. Nats says:

    Hey guys!!

    Well a whole year has gone by since this blog started, I was not around at this point, I came to the blog around March I think it was. And since then it has been a place I very frequently visit.
    I have made some very special friendships on here, not just with mamaV, but with the girls on here too, some I talk to all the time, some I talk to every now and then. But they and I know that if we ever needed eachother we would be there. This is why I continue to come back. I also continue to come back to argue against those who come to this blog just to bitch about what is written by mamaV by me, and some of the other girls, sure a debate is healthy, sure I dont agree with everything mamaV says, I do not pretend I do, you cannot agree with everything. I am talking about those who come on here, disagree with every post (which is ok, but whats the point on coming on here if you do not agree with the blog in the first place) and slag off the person who wrote it, not what they wrote. I am not going to name anyone because I am not thinking of one person in perticular, any person on here I have not agreed with I have told them. I have said what I feel and thats that. Leave it. Done, Finished.

    Things in all our lives are hard enough without having to go to the one place you feel safe and comfortable to talk honestly about your feelings without having to read about something that started days ago and that person will not let drop. I come on here to talk to the girls, get advice, give advice and basically feel understood.

    I now however stay away from the blog alot because half the girls will not say anything about how they are trully feeling for one reason or another. Those who talk to me often, know that I am honest (sometimes too much), but I am here, and if they feel that they cannot say something on here then they will text me or phone me. simple. BUT why has the blog changed so much?? Is it the people?? Is it the posts??? Or is it me?? Dont know.

    Fact is I will still come here for those who want me to be here, I am not just here because of mamaV despite what many of you think of me, I may stick up for Heather, but I will also say that I do disagree with some of the things on here. I disagree with some of the things mamaV says, but then I also disagree more with what some of the girls on here say.
    I am not going to argue about any of them, whats the point?? None, we are all trying to get our lives back but yet we are constantly being told by others that what we say is bollocks, just because certain people do not agree with it. These are feelings we talk about, through every post, every comment made, it stems from feelings, peoples feelings get hurt by those who basically say what that feeling is, is not right. We cannot help how we feel, we cannot stop it, no point trying.

    I am not going to stop feeling the way I do just because there are people who do not agree with it. Neither should mamaV and neither should the rest of you. Just please do not attack those whose feelings are different to your own.

    I love you all, and I love this blog, and I will continue to be here for those who need me.

    Nats
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  27. Josie says:

    Rachel – at what point does “healthy debate” become snarkiness?
    I don’t argue with everything mamaV says, and neither does Vanessa. But recently mamaVs posts have been insensitive, and people shouldn’t keep quiet if it’s upsetting.
    If we take my problem with this post – her top link to “internet suicide” – mamaV has taken advantage of a womans SUICIDE for her own arguments! The woman was someone who i cared about, and many of her friends have seen the post in question and been deeply upset and angered by it. I actually was the person to contact the womans family when she committed suicide and was passed the responsibility of looking after her eating disorders community, and mamaV had the cheek to say i didn’t care!

    If someone made a blog post about someone you cared about who committed suicide, twisting the situation for their own arguments, not taking the post down or editing it to be more accurate, wouldn’t you be absolutely furious?

  28. drstaceyny says:

    Happy one year! I’ve enjoyed reading your work and am impressed by your ever-growing audience. Keep it up! : )

  29. Vanessa says:

    to rachel, sarah, emily, and anyone else who feels the same:

    i tried to be polite in my first response to rachel. this clearly has been taken the wrong way. i strongly disagree with many things mamaV has said and done, and i will almost certainly continue to feel the same way in the future. i am not going to stop coming or stop posting my feelings in the hopes that either mamaV herself will change or that at least i can give other people reading an alternate perspective to her many biased and unfair statements.

    this is not a safe haven, or even a community. this is a blog, with a section for comments. perhaps in the past most of the comments consisted of “wow mamaV great post i totally agree!” but that does not mean there should be some written or unwritten rule that only agreement is allowed. if you want a safe haven, make a moderated forum and only allow people who agree with you. mamaV has spoken up several times in defense of free speech and i am excersizing that speech in the way i choose. i’m not going to stop, and i have very clear reasons for my opinions. you are not going to talk me out of them or talk me into making wishy-washy positive comments for the sake of making everyone happy.

    i have always tried to refrain from personal attacks towards anyone apart from mamaV, although a couple times i might have strayed after being called names by people. if people specifically do not want me to respond to them personally, just ask and i will be careful not to respond to any comment by you. my argument is with mamaV. she is not you. anything i say against her is meant against her, not you. i am going to continue being sarcastic and insulting towards her as long as she is sarcastic and insulting towards groups that i consider myself a member of, like people with eating disorders.

    anyone who wants to know more about who i am or what my problems with mamaV are please feel free to visit my blog. but if you have a problem with me or my opinions then why don’t you just ignore them?

  30. christy says:

    Congratulations on the first year anniversary of your blog. I have enjoyed very much coming here the past several months and reading your posts along with everyone’s responses.

  31. Sarah says:

    well then vanessa, i hope you’ll feel responsible for the girls who quit coming here do to your remarks, even when this was the only, little help, we recieve. good for you!

  32. Sass1948 says:

    i ignore vanessa all the time! it’s dead easy, try it!…as mamav implied, vanessa-types will always be here!

  33. Vanessa says:

    exactly! i totally agree with sass. although for the record, mamaV has also said she likes my being here and looks forward to my comments.

    i don’t hold myself responsible for other people’s choices, to answer your question sarah. however i wonder if you hold mamaV responsible for all the people she might have helped that were turned off by the way she insults and makes fun of people with eating disorders. more than a few people have initially thought this site was great and then stopped coming because they were horribly insulted or offended by one of her more ignorant or unkind posts.

    or, here’s a thought, why don’t people just read her posts and not bother with the comments if they’re so terrified of seeing someone voice an opinion that disagrees with mamaVISION?

  34. Anon says:

    *appluds vanessa*

    sass you leaving a comment about vanessa… is that you ignoring vanessa? cos forgive moi if i am wrong here but making snippy comments about ignoring somone…is hardly ignoring them. You are technically giving them your time and attention not ignoring them. ….and let me guess…your reaction will be “as always lol at anon”. (insert huge yawn right here) But all new sarcastic comments are welcome 😀

    congratulations mamaV on making it a year. Your blog inspires some, it offends some, and its a mixture for some, but hey its your blog as you say, and you welcome all comments which i think is very commendable of you. I for one havent always agreed (especially of late) with your posts, but i have agreed with others and well for the most part, you are helping some people out there so i applud you on that. Congrats on one year.

  35. Sarah says:

    when anon says “appluds” i am able to hold no respect for her.

  36. Anon says:

    gee sarah someones touchy. I appluded vanessas post above cos i feel she makes a valid point there. People seem to get touchy if one person disagrees with mamaV. But thats the way of the world chick. People will not always agree, I dont always agree with vanessa. I feel that the first comment she wrote didnt quite need to be written, or if it did cos she needed to say it i dont think this post was the one to post it on but I applud for the above comment though because i agree with her. At times mamaV has insulted people and from i can even tell severly offended and twiseted things round and when people confront her cos she has offend or insulted them others dont like it. e.g the kristie thing. Mama has been asked to take that down. she has offended and deeply upset someone with it and they have even said that she has twisted it. (and being that they were deeply involved in that blog i think they know a shit load more about what was said, than mama) and yet she still doesnt take it down. seems like she doesnt give a crap.

    oh and incase you thought you were special cos i thought i had your respect please dont feel that way hun. I dont want to disillusion you but i didnt come here looking for your respect. Good luck with whatever your trying to do.

  37. Josie says:

    Anon – i think Sarah is referring to your incorrect spelling of “applauds”.
    But judging a person on their spelling and grammar is ridiculus, as it isn’t reflective of intelligence, and this is the internet where English may not be ones first language!

  38. Anon says:

    oh hahahaha whoops. but i also think she is getting at that i agree with vanessa…sarah care to comment? English is my first language, however it was not my strongest subject at school and i was always getting spellings wrong. But yes giving me no respect because i simply cannot spell cprrrectly is sad and pathetic….and clearly shows that that person has no character. G-d help anyone who spells something incorrectly if this is the case..!!!

  39. -Jen- says:

    Happy 1 year, MamaV!

  40. Michelle says:

    Why did I keep coming back?
    Well, to have something to read to give me a little insight on what it is like to be on an extreme.
    Why do I hate coming here?
    I hate drama. I hate the stupidity of people making a big show of themselves.
    State your opinion in a mannerly fashion allow for a few comments of rebuttal, move on.

    This used to be a place where I could spill anything.. now I’m afraid to say anything for fear Vanessa might say that I’m stupid or insensitive.
    Maybe I am being insensitive right now, but like you said Josie, if we are upset, we shouldn’t keep quiet.

    Grow up people.

  41. Sarah says:

    thanks, michelle. mamaV, i wish this place could be the safe haven it used to be, not people on power trips.

  42. Rachel says:

    Vanessa:

    You’re pretty cool, and I applaud you for standing up for what you believe in. I did acknowledge that I appreciate that you said you’d cool things down a bit. I will acknowledge it again, and say thank you, again. :-) I did not mean to come off as an attack in my rebuttal, I was just intending for some suggestions to make things easier to interact with everybody here. ‘Cause we can all stand to get along, right? :-)

    I’ll try to touch on the rest of the commentary here:

    I am up for healthy debate. Nobody is holding a gun to anybody’s head saying that they *have* to agree or disagree with a point. Sometimes, from an outside perspective, there are certain posts that just come off as downright bitchy, and I will say so. I’m not attacking the poster, I’m making an observation and mentioning it. Everybody is entitled to their opinion, and everybody is entitled to disagree. That’s fine. If I think that things are a bit snarky, bitchy, whatever, I will say so. It’s my way of saying “Hey, that might not have been the most appropriate way to phrase things.”

    Spelling: Big whoop! Everybody makes typos! Let’s move on! A person can be intelligent and keep intelligent debate without being a master typist as well as not having this language as their first. When the “txtsp33k” comes in is when I have trouble taking people seriously. Just type the dern word out, please!

    Kristi’s Suicide: It was very, very sad for me to read. I cried when I read it, and I don’t see how it was twisted out of context. It’s a serious matter, and dealing with EDs is no joke. Dealing with the depressive bullshit from EDs is no joking matter, either. It’s a very, very sad thing. I’m glad it was on this blog for me to read. I’m sorry that things were that painful that she could not go on.

    EDs in general: Parents need to be made aware of where their children are visiting online. Not all pro-ana is bad, but there is a lot out there that isn’t necessarily good. I respect pro-ana-nation.com, as does MamaV. However, there is a lot of bullshit out there that is easy for perceptive young teenagers (and perceptive people in general) to find that will twist the eating disordered life out of context to make it seem justifiable and okay.

    Nats: I look forward to your posts, plain and simple. I’ve missed you over here!!

    I hope that’s everybody and all issues. I look forward to MamaV’s next post!

    Keep on posting, Heather! I love reading what you have to say!

  43. Hagar says:

    Hello Mamav…
    It’s Hagar… I haven’t been on here for a long time, but lately I’ve been coming on here every now and then to check up…
    Things have not progressed nicely…
    Mamav how can I say this without being too harsh?
    You don’t have the qualification that is needed to write things so decisively. You have to respect other people. You can’t just rant on about pro ana mothers and pro ana people in general as you like. If it were on a personal blog where only a few viewers come in then be my guest… But your blog is visited and viewed in HUGE amounts and you KNOW that people that get into your blog do so from searching “ana”, “pro-ana”, “bulimia”, “ed” and so on. You told us yourself a while back. So why on earth would you go and try to humiliate all these pro ana people straight to their faces?! I am not pro ana at all, I used to be about two years ago. Of course that turned into hell, trying to get out of it all, but then being forced into bulimia. I also have ocd. MAJOR ocd. For the last seven years in my life (I’m fifteen in about two months) I have been dealing with ocd. Do you know how much your post hurt me and offended me? An eating disorder is an actual serious mental ILLNESS. You can’t just switch off the disease out of your brain! Ocd is a very serious mental disease as well. You are basically saying that if I have to be a mother i would be selfish of me to continue having ocd. Do you know how wrong your argument is in so many ways? A person can’t just shake off a disease. It’s basically like saying that a mother with CANCER is selfish, self obsessed and mean. Think about that…
    I am still not finished because I think you do great work on this site except the way you write and argue and offend people…
    I don’t know, it’s just wrong to use your status for something like this… You are just as bad as the pro ana people…
    They lead sites saying that fat is disgusting etc etc etc…
    You lead a site saying tha bones and being too thin is ugly, pro ana are mean, selfish and evil… WHy can’t you just accept peopel the way they are? It’s like you’re on some rampage against thin…
    What if someone thin is reading your site? That’s the same as someone fat reading a pro ana site. Shame on you.

  44. Hagar says:

    By the way Mamav,
    I didn’t mean to offend you with my post…
    I just tried to make you see that sometimes your opinions and posts offend others…
    I might have gotten a bit too fired up and angry but it’s just so painful to see that you think that about mothers with mental illnesses…
    I still think you are great and genuinely a good person and CARING =]
    I just wish I can come on here not afraid that I’m going to get bashed by you because of your opinions…
    But you know what maybe we can agree to disagree?
    I’d like that if you want to =]]]
    Bye bye
    Hagar <3

  45. Pingback: Thick Skin « mamaVISION

  46. Josie says:

    Hmmm.
    Had another thought – sorry.

    It’s this phrasing which gets to me:
    “mamaVISION fun facts 2007; Top post of all time: Internet Suicide”

    The phrases “fun facts” and “top post of all time” are so lighthearted and in the jolly mood of an aniversary celebration, but then it being THAT post makes it a stab in the back. That’s how it feels, like it’s lighthearted, which it isn’t, both in the events and the portrayal them.
    For many people the words “Internet Suicide” is just going to flood people with painful emotion. Putting it at the top of the list in such a lighthearted way is what i object to the most.

  47. mamavision says:

    Hi Josie: I agree with you that it was not appropriate to have ‘fun facts’ as a title followed by Kristi’s story, so I have removed the word ‘fun.’

    I wanted to cut and paste a message I received from a woman right after I read your orginal post here where you said you were still furious with me over the Internet Suicide post. I am showing you this just to give you insight to my viewpoint, there are people that make change based on Kristi’s story:

    Received on youtube account for mamaV:
    YOUR VIDEOS
    HEY. I JUST WANNA SEND YOU A MESSAGE TO SAY THANKS ALOTT!!!
    AND NO, IM NOT BEING SARCASTIC.. MY COUSIN BREANA WAS ANOREXIC BUT HER MUM DIDNT KNOW. ME AND TWO OTHER COUSINS KNEW AB HEY. I JUST WANNA SEND YOU A MESSAGE TO SAY THANKS ALOTT!!!
    AND NO, IM NOT BEING SARCASTIC.. MY COUSIN BREANA WAS ANOREXIC BUT HER MUM DIDNT KNOW. ME AND TWO OTHER COUSINS KNEW ABOUT HER AND SHE WOULD NOT GIVE UP HOW “FAT” SHE WAS EVEN THOUGH SHES TOTALLY SKINNY. I SHOWED HER YOUR INTERNET SUICIDE VIDEO AND NOTICED ONE DAY SHE WAS WATCHING IT AGAIN ON HER LAPTOP. SHE NOW SEEING A DOCTOR AND IS STARTING TO EAT RIGHT AGAIN. SO, THANKS! X

    LOVE RACHAEL XXXXX (more) (less) (Reply) (Delete) (Block User) (Mark as Spam)

    I believe that in death, each of us cast out ripples to others that we touch. Kristi’s suicide reaches many who read her story, and isn’t one good thing that can come out of the sad ending to her life the fact that her story brings hope to others?
    -mamaV

  48. Josie says:

    MamaV-
    it’s not that i object to you having written about Kristi so much, it’s the way that you portrayed it, and other associated issues. Yes, deaths, though horrific, do have their ‘good’ sides, but you don’t need to fill the post with things that aren’t correct. Lots of people, through death, have made improvements in others lives. Lots of girls entered recovery when Kristi died. My mums death brought my relatives together.

    What i have issues with are these:
    – saying Kristi was a “young girl” when she was 3 years younger than you – are you a young girl??
    – calling her the “ringleader of the Proanorexia Livejournal site”. That implies she was “pro-ana”, supported/started the community in how it is (potentially destructive), and was therefore somehow an evil person leading others in the “pro-ana lifestyle”, which is an insult to her memory. She’d only been mod for about 3-4 months, and was working hard to make the community more supportive and less “pro-ana”.
    – saying “proving yet again the adapting pro-ana lifestyle is messing with fire”. She had anorexia, aka severe mental illness, she wasn’t living the “pro-ana lifestyle”. Being involved in the community i doubt had much to do with her suicide. 1 in 5 anorexics die, 2nd most common cause is suicide, and proanorexia sites have not been implicated in an increase in suicide. Social isolation however has, and pro-ana sites gives a person emotional support, as well as all the crap. Kristi had some amazing friends from the community who loved her dearly.
    – saying “your new leader immediately took over from Kristi, reiterated the pro-ana mission, and dedicated to convincing us all you are an eating disorder “support site”. This is a personal one because who did livejournal make moderator when they found out? Me. Did i do any of these things? NO I DIDN’T.
    – “your sick community, and have realized you are leading them down a path towards destruction.” This implies that i (and anyone else who are in any way influencial at the site) are leading vulnerable young girls to take on the pro-ana lifestyle.
    – “This is their status symbol. A feeding tube, afterall, proves you are a hard core anorexic”…what??!
    – “This is what they stress about, a day over 200 calories is a total crisis”. That is the horrible reality of life with ANOREXIA NERVOSA. It’s not a sad fad diet, it’s a mental illness. I remember that horrible life. I didn’t choose it. I didn’t enjoy it. But it was my illness.
    – “These are their proud snapshots, showing off their accomplishments for all to see” and “The pro-anorexic girls I “featured” here would be proud to have their skeletons highlighted for the world to see. Their starvation success achieved, the attention they crave fulfilled”. No, not proud. Disgusted, confused, alone. Imagine being you, going around, and everyone is telling you “you look disgusting” and telling you that you need to eat more, but when you look in the mirror you see an obese elephant-like freak. How are you to deal with that every day? It’s so hard, knowing what’s real. But the people you CAN trust to tell the truth, who understand, are other anorexics. I remember posting photos of myself, simply so that i could try and figure out who/what was lying – my perception, or others perception. And how do you know these girls are pro-anorexic, or even have EDs? You don’t. At least one of those pictures is of a model actually, just taken off a site. Those photos come from all over the place.

    If you corrected your statements when you’re wrong, then i wouldn’t have much of a problem. But that post is hideously offensive to Kristis memory, and i don’t care if it helps others, Kristis memory can help others without untruths.

  49. Josie says:

    one last thing…. “her story brings hope to others?”. How?
    A lady who was battling cancer asked my sister how my mum was. My sister told her our mum had died. How is that meant to provide hope to that woman?

  50. Josie says:

    I don’t believe i’m doing this on the night of my 20th birthday.
    I’m angry.

  51. Man, I’m late to the party. Okay, maybe fashionably late 😉 Happy 1st anniversary! I’m so proud of what you have done, and I am deeply honored that I could help be the catalyst to help move you into something you are so passionate about and are so good at doing. See! Everything turned out a-okay. In fact, it’s turned into something that no one could have imagined. You are doing a great service to your community. You go mamaV!

  52. Kim says:

    Josie, can you read what you wrote again and really take it in. Kristi is young, at least young to die in my opinion. She was on a pro ana site so yes she led that lifestyle or wanted others to think she did. She chose to be there and journal for the world to read. So calm down, we are each able to interpret her writings in our own way; we dont have to each see the same in her writings. Mama v is stating her opinions on her blog she doesnt say you have to take them just like Kristi wrote what she wanted in her journals. While you are angry at what you read, I was sadden by the loss of Kristi – I didnt read into every little thing written. Take care of you. Breathe… peace

  53. Kim says:

    ps. maybe Kristi’s story doesnt bring “hope” to others as much as clarity. Maybe it will make people see what ed life can lead to. ed life sucks and anyone with an ed knows that. I just feel bad for Kristi that she chose to journal the last minutes of her life rather then reach out to all of those “friends” and ask for help – maybe she was afraid they would only be there if she wanted what they wanted. I guess we will never know because we are not her and she chose to end her life rather than live it

  54. Josie says:

    Kim – i cared deeply for Kristi. You have no idea how many times i’ve asked mamaV to just change a few simple details to just make it less offensive, but she hasn’t. Every time someone who cared about Kristi reads that post they’re filled with fury and pain. It’s not fair.

    She wasn’t living the pro-ana lifestyle, at all. She came there because she was a really lonely person.
    She wrote that journal not expecting thousands of people to read her words. When you’re suicidal (as i guess you know) you feel so insignificant, and that no-one gives a toss.

    Of course mamaV can have her opinions, but stating them as facts and talking in a way that commands authority and leadership is wrong.

    I doubt Kristi reached out to friends at the time because she planned out her suicide for weeks in advance. Weeks and weeks of planning and research.

  55. Kim says:

    josie, i am sorry you lost a friend and if you feel angry and hurt. i read what mama v wrote as her opinions, not as facts. i do think if kristi did not want for people to read her journal, she would have wrote a private one not one for all to read. and you are right when you feel suicidal (or i do anyway) you do believe and feel you are insignificant. i think you are also right that kristi didnt reach out about her plans of suicide because she didnt want to be stopped. i dont think kristi would want for you to feel so hurt and angry about all this though, she left the world because she felt so bad, i dont believe she would want anyone else to feel bad. just my thoughts

  56. Jen says:

    I agree with Kim when she says mamaV writes as her opinions, not facts. I think she uses facts sometimes in her different topics of blogs, but we have to remember that this is just her opinion, and why should we judge her? We all are giving our own opinions, should we be judged as well? We’re all bound to disagree, but there’s no point in talking bad about mamaV as a person. She’s just voicing her opinions, and we should all speak to eachother and to her with respect.

  57. Camilla says:

    MamaV im really glad that you’ve reached a 1 year anniversary, it’s so great to be able to communicate and debate these kinds of issues with like people from all over the world, you are helping so many people, keep up the good work! :) xxx

  58. Karen says:

    “Hagar
    October 31, 2007 at 2:27 am
    Hello Mamav…
    It’s Hagar… I haven’t been on here for a long time, but lately I’ve been coming on here every now and then to check up…
    Things have not progressed nicely…
    Mamav how can I say this without being too harsh?
    You don’t have the qualification that is needed to write things so decisively.”

    What qualifications does she need to post her own opinion on her own website?

    “You have to respect other people. You can’t just rant on about pro ana mothers and pro ana people in general as you like.”

    Sure she can. It’s her website. She can do as she pleases here. You came to her, not vice versa.

    “If it were on a personal blog where only a few viewers come in then be my guest… But your blog is visited and viewed in HUGE amounts and you KNOW that people that get into your blog do so from searching “ana”, “pro-ana”, “bulimia”, “ed” and so on. You told us yourself a while back. So why on earth would you go and try to humiliate all these pro ana people straight to their faces?! ”

    I am GLAD that a huge number of people visit here. MamaV is helping to get the word out that sites that promote eating disorders are often harmful. And again, she pays for the webtime – she can do what she likes. The internet is not a democracy. Suck it up, buttercup.

    “I am not pro ana at all, I used to be about two years ago. Of course that turned into hell, trying to get out of it all, but then being forced into bulimia.”

    How were you forced into bulimia? Please elaborate.”

    I also have ocd. MAJOR ocd. For the last seven years in my life (I’m fifteen in about two months) I have been dealing with ocd. Do you know how much your post hurt me and offended me? An eating disorder is an actual serious mental ILLNESS. You can’t just switch off the disease out of your brain! Ocd is a very serious mental disease as well. You are basically saying that if I have to be a mother i would be selfish of me to continue having ocd. Do you know how wrong your argument is in so many ways? A person can’t just shake off a disease.”

    No one has suggested that you just shake off a mental illness. But you do have to take responsibility at some point. I have been there. I know all too well. Do you really want to try to raise a child while you have this problem? Additionally, do you have a clue how offended some of US are when we see posts like “Umm, lykke, I am sooo stoned. I just swallowed an entire bottle of ipecac, and I havent eaten in, lyke, 4 days. Anyone wanna be my fastin buddy?” And then you get the same lame redundant replies like “OMG, I am SOOOO jealous hun!!!!! I wish I could do that but my stupid ‘rents force be to eat. GAH. They hate me!!111!!.”

    “It’s basically like saying that a mother with CANCER is selfish, self obsessed and mean. Think about that…”

    Only if that mother is posting online about how she smoked an extra pack today and encouraging other cancer patients to join her. That I would object to. It’s a common sense thing.

    ‘I am still not finished because I think you do great work on this site except the way you write and argue and offend people…”

    Duly noted, I am sure.

    “I don’t know, it’s just wrong to use your status for something like this… You are just as bad as the pro ana people…”

    How so? Why is is so terrible that she doesn’t want to ever read about another of you dying?

    “They lead sites saying that fat is disgusting etc etc etc…”

    Which is an obvious lie.

    “You lead a site saying tha bones and being too thin is ugly, pro ana are mean, selfish and evil… ”

    It IS mean, selfish and evil to promote something so very dangerous.

    “WHy can’t you just accept peopel the way they are? It’s like you’re on some rampage against thin…”

    Why can’t you accept that MamaV, and people like her do not want you to DIE? It isn’t all about you or what you want, you know. I will gladly rampage with her against something that has the power to take YOUR life. Please learn to love yourself. That is the only thing that is going to save you. No one else is going to do it for you.

    “What if someone thin is reading your site? That’s the same as someone fat reading a pro ana site. Shame on you.”

    Hardly. And just so you have some prespective – I had an eating disorder. I spent 10 years of my life in a deep depression over a bad marriage that I didnt know how to get out of. I didnt eat for days at a time. I could barely function. Hell, I stopped functioning. I have 2 sons. How they suffered then… I will forever be ashamed of that. I was strung out on Dr. prescribed anti-depressants and xanax. I drank a LOT then, to kill the pain. My life was so ugly and I hurt everyone around me. My house was nasty and I barely knew my kids, because all I was capable of doing was sleeping. I wanted to die but was too gutless/exhausted to finish the job.

    I knew that I was going to die if I continued that path. I didn’t really want that. Sooo…I kicked the pills and alcohol. That wasn’t pretty at all. Several small seizures landed me in the ER. Evidently you cant self medicate for 10 years and expect to quit cold. Who knew? I filed for divorce and found a better job. It wasnt EASY, but nothing worth having is.

    I have a son about to graduate college, and another one graduating high school this year. I almost missed that. I am so proud of them, and I am proud of me for surviving.

    I object to what I see on proana sites because I do not want you to experience what I have experienced. If you need support, call a friend. Do not depend on people who will challenge you to continue to starve yourself.

    Please survive. Please.

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