Hey, FAT ass!*

I am often asked my views on the obesity epidemic in this country, and up until now my response has been “different problem, different solution.”

But then, I started thinking how obesity is not a totally different problem – it’s just another form of disordered eating.

We are country full of disordered eaters. Marketers are pumping out new diets to masses, and we gladly fork over $$$ in a pathetic, desperate search for happiness. We accept any and all side effects in order to lose weight, such as the risk of shitting in your pants with a beauty of a drug called Alli.

Why are we at war with our bodies? 

What is an eating disorder anyway?

How much of our desire to be thin is driven by what others think of us?

Holidays are food fests, and Sunday football games are just another reason to fill our faces. When I think of an obese person and a person with an eating disorder sitting through a family event, I visualize the similar thoughts spinning in their heads; 

Should I eat? I will not eat that. Screw it! I’m fat and a loser. Who cares? I’ll eat it, but then fast tomorrow. Or run an extra mile. Or purge. Or….

(All the while the little girl’s ears are keenly tuned into their oblivious Aunts, Grandmas, and even their own Mother gab on and on about their fat asses….the little ones finger rolls of skin underneath their t-shirts and stare at their pie as their new arch enemy).

Sad state of affairs. But do you know what is even more depressing? We don’t support each other. We mock each other, look each other up and down and judge, judge, judge.

C’mon ladies. Women are caddy as hell. We make this situation worse. We revel in a friend or celebrity gaining weight (ie. the slaughter of Britney Spears) and we are green eyed monsters when a friend is looking good.

Why? Is gossip fun? Well, it’s not. Its cruel, and frankly it’s evil. Strong word but necessary.

I’ve had enough of fat jokes. They are not funny. Even the word “fat” is offensive. I prefer overweight, and I have taught my children the same. I have compassion for obese individuals, just as I do for those with eating disorders.

And you should too. Listen to this quite popular blogger talk about fat people and look at the pure satisfaction in her eyes. Why does she get such pleasure from other people’s pain? What have obese individuals done to her?

She states the “skinny” are oppressed. Her argument is a stretch, but ok, she has a right to her opinion. The main reason I point to this young woman is because she reflects the passion behind the divide between the underweight and overweight in this country

And finally, I feel that unless a person’s health is being affected by their weight, so be it. Let ’em be already. I like those with some meat on their bones (lord knows all I do is look at twigs all day for this blog, it gets quite sickening). I say, as long you are happy with yourself inside, awesome, be you. Let’s live LIFE….and everyone get off the FAT attacks.

To quote a phrase from good ole’ Rodney King “can’t we all just get along?”


*Delibrate Title. Mean spirited stories draw in readers. God forbid someone calls you a fat ass, but when someone else suffers this insult it’s like bring it on!

This entry was posted in Body Image and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Hey, FAT ass!*

  1. Danyel says:

    Great post. Interesting.. and I’ve talked to Courtney, the girl’s youtube video you posted. She’s in the process of recovery, though. Last time I checked.
    She’s funny, isn’t she? Very very outspoken.

    But, good post.

  2. Anon says:

    it sad she has taken pleasure in their pain. I work in the medical field and i meet many many obese people, guess what? they are all suffering from either depression. depressive disorder or depression disorder nos..dont ask me what the difference is….and they clearly reach for food just like we all do. Thats why overeaters anoynmous isnt not just for overeaters. its for all people addicted to some kind of food disorder. my mum and da have both been with OA for over15 years..they have had their ups and down with weight, but watchin people strugglig with thier weight no pleasure should b taken. thats mean!

  3. Kim says:

    i watched your video and read your thoughts but after you said the other video was mean in nature i chose not to view it. when i was in treatment i was there with people with anorexia, bulimia and overeaters. While we may have looked different to staff, our thoughts and mindset were very similar. And how could i ever say anything negative about anyone there, i felt as though i was the heaviest one there even though i was assured i was not and my goal was weight gain. the only thing i think was wrong that no one ever stopped while i was there was that one lady always referred to me as the “skinny/twig” girl and it was tolerated. i never referred to anyone else by anything other than there name. i dont feel we are any different – maybe different by behaviors but not thoughts.

  4. Anon says:

    well said kim!!!! also how comes you needed paracetamol? do you have neurofen in the us? neuron contain paracetamol so is stronger and is a better pain killer…paracetamol is pants…spesh for something like period pains! xxx

  5. Kim says:

    i asked because jane and amie discussed it on forum as a good way to die.

  6. Anon says:

    omg please tell me your not thinking of using it!!! trust me it is not a good way to die. i have asked dr’s (because i was at that state) and basically it can take says before it will even have an affect on you…so basically you could be the walking dead. and if it doesnt work, then you will royally fuck up your liver and the likly hood of youbening given a transplant is low…please tell me your ok and not thinking it! xxxxx

  7. Sass1948 says:

    Dawn that vid is brilliant!

    Kim, paracetamol, not a good way to kill urself…so am told, once in your blood stream it starts to dissolve your veins…this takes a while and is complete agony. *sigh* if only there was a less violent way to do it!

  8. mamavision says:

    Hi Dawn: Thanks for the link, I just posted about it. Dove is really pushing the right buttons aren’t they.

    There is a tiny part of me that thinks…wait, this is DOVE creating this campaign for real beauty. Is this a con job or what? To be honest their efforts to make me buy their products.

    BUT overall, I admire what they are doing and I support them, particularly their efforts to partner with Girl Scouts on the Uniquely Me program. Awesome.

    Take care and thanks again!

  9. mamavision says:

    Hi Kim: I know you are struggling, please check out this link:

    For national suicide hotlines dial 1-800-SUICIDE.


  10. Anon says:

    i support dove all the way! i look at pictures in magz that they have done of th beautiful curvacious women and i always wish i could be as confident as them. only i cant buy their porducts as i am allergic to them :(

    kim please let us all know your ok, and havnt ordered or taken anything xxxx

  11. Emily says:

    Nope you’ve got Courtney all wrong. Did you happen to listen to any of her other videos? She’s just bringing light to a subject that is so serious…we have to laugh at ourselves sometimes. Definitely not my fav. post of yours mamaV…

  12. kellie says:

    I have been to your site a few times now, and I think your desire to turn the culture around is amazing. However, I am not yet sure how I feel about you’re posting of girls who are ill with anorexia and other eating disorders. It smacks just a bit of using weaknesses, and the disease of others, to provide motivation by disgust.

    I do know that these images are more fuel for the disordered mind. Yes, they give credit and attention to a place where they are seeking. Yes, the pro-ana’s out there are going to find them anyway, but eventually these images will become common place, and they will cease to motivate, if they haven’t already.

    On the flip side, since your post today was on the discrimination of the obese. I am not seeing you post pictures of obese people on your site….and they are readily available for both “thinspiration” and the butt of jokes.

    I believe in using Courtney’s video you have missed the point: people who are in the midst of anorexia are sick. Showing quotes (or videos) from her is like cigarette companies promoting “healthy” lifestyles. Her rant on Fat People cannot be taken seriously because she is not thinking clearly.

    I can see her sickness as if looking in a mirror, because I have been there. Her video is not unlike a belligerent drunk defending his/her right to drink; defending a position in life she knows is wrong by trying to make the other (which can be equally sick) look worse than what she’s doing. As a side note, the YouTube anorexia people (and to me anyone who is promoting anorexia as anything other than a serious disease that ruins lives and kills people) make me sad, because one really devastating part of ED’s is that they isolate and keep us from relationships. We start to believe that we don’t need anyone except maybe those who are also sick (read: hopefully not sicker/thinner than me). I worry that these gals are replacing face to face relationships and accountability with people who are, no doubt, a community of the blind leading the blind. I personally never made videos, nor do I talk about my struggle (yet) on my blog, but I have walked in her shoes. I’m getting off topic here…

    Back to Skinny vs. Obese…

    I have been 20 pounds heavier than I am today… I gained a bit of weight in high school. In college I had a major crisis in my life and lost a significant amount of weight. I found that control of calories and (my ever shrinking) flesh made me feel a false sense of control in my life. Nobody knew of my problem because at that time I never “looked” sick. I had no idea that this wouldn’t be my lowest point in the fight with disordered eating…

    I have also been 20 pounds lighter than I am today. Seven years ago after weaning my now 8 year old daughter, I attempted to lose “the last five pounds”…secretly. I told no one, after all it was only 5 pounds. Before I knew what was happening I had lost control again, only this time weighing less than I ever had, I remember crying after getting off the scale at that low weight. Crying on the floor of my closet because the numbers said I had gone where I would feel awesome! and popular! and pretty! But on the inside I felt completely the same.

    I realized that my issues with body weight weren’t about being thin or being fat. It’s all about significance: Who am I? And who has control over my life? At my all time high, and my all time low I felt the exact same thing: trapped and out of control!

    The world (our culture) tells us that when we are thin we will feel beautiful, smart, loved, likeable, and GOOD! When we are obese, we are told we are lazy, ugly, have no self-control and are worthless. Both are LIES! For me it was about breaking free from the chains that were holding me captive, at both ends of the scale.

    Freedom, for me, is not a size 6, nor is it a size 14. Freedom is being able to think, being able to love; being able to know that we all struggle. Hopefully we learn.

    There is freedom from eating disorders; but we can’t have simple answers to gigantic problems. It’s not about tolerance and speaking kindly about one another. It’s about the truth and being free from the things that we feed our minds upon. I don’t believe that the YouTube girls are helping anyone, including themselves. And as I write this (very long response to you) I think your using them to motivate others to “be aware” isn’t real help at all. Why lead the sick with images of the sick?

    I am healthy now. But I do still sometimes allow “culture” to infiltrate my mind; more times than I would like to admit. However, I have people around me who I have shared my struggles with, who really know me, not just my mug on a camera while sitting in a dorm room….I have a beautiful daughter (and quite frankly a handsome son, boys are not immune) with whom we talk about body image, and modesty, and caring about our bodies and treating them kindly with good foods, exercise, and yes TREATS!! What’s life without ice cream??

    However, MamaV, I could not give them what I did not have. I had to find out that the taste of freedom from disordered eating tasted better than the sickness. Not just for me, but my sweet husband and kids too.

    I believe that in Courtney’s video she is in captivity, not unlike I was not too long ago; A slave to the voice of our culture and anorexia…I have watched some of her other videos, I have never met her or spoken to her but I believe that she knows it too.

    I will continue to read your blog. I think you have something going that is powerful, but I hope that the motivation people gather here comes more from the depth of what you observe, and write, and vlog about, which is incredibly more powerful than the words and images of someone unhealthy.

    No longer captive,

  13. Vanessa says:

    wow kellie, you put the argument against posting low weight pics really well. thank you!

    mamaV- i know you’ve responded before and insisted you don’t care and won’t stop, but how about responding again for those of us that are relative newcomers. just because it isn’t illegal. just because the pictures are on the internet so they’re available to anyone. just because girls are silly not to always realise their pictures can be stolen and used in ways they don’t like… explain why any of this makes it right to poke fun at sick and dying people. would you post pictures of fat women to combat compulsive overeating? is it fair to act as though these girls are in their right minds and responsible for their actions when i’m sure you must know that underweight + undereating = brain no work right? well?

  14. Kate says:

    What struck me here was how Courtney (and I am so encouraged and relieved to hear that she is recovering, Danyel) first attacks her peers for not caring about her and only gossiping about her behind her back… and then goes on to attack her friend who DID confront her and express concern and care! Courtney was more right than she knew when she repeated that it was all “psychological.” The sense of being a victim, the paranoia that everyone is against you, the narcissism… these are all probably symptoms of the same psychological imbalance that caused her disordered eating. I hope she is finding ways to be peaceful, balanced and joyful with herself and the world.

  15. beth says:

    I frequently watch Courtney’s video’s, and this one is a YEAR old for goodness sake. She was probably at her near sickest then, and has since taken amazing steps toward recovery. It’s like you’re reading one page of a book to us. Not the entire story. You want us to attack her point of view, but we’re not all going to agree with you!

  16. mamavision says:

    Hi Emily: I have not watched her other videos, I was lead to this particular one by the young woman who hosts this site (http://www.xanga.com/MyTinyWrist

    This girl in the blue shirt who thought it was funny to put pennies and rings in her collarbones, but she tells me she is not proana. I have talked with her, offered to remove the picture from my site, but I never heard back from her so it is still live.


  17. mamavision says:

    Hi Beth: The fact that this video is a year old doesn’t really make it null and void does it? If yes than I better start deleting my videos from last year!

    I do understand your point though, the fact that she is in recovery, means perhaps her viewpoint has changed?

    To clarify my point, Courtney’s views in this video was meant to be an example on how some people feel about the obese…quite common feelings actually and I thought she expressed it well. I am not attacking her view, she has the right to it, and there are many on here side. I also don’t think she is a “bad” person for thinking how see did or does….its her perogative.


  18. mamavision says:

    Hi Kellie: Nice to meet you and all I have to say is WOW! You certainly have articulated your points very well, and I think the girls here can learn a lot from you. I also am thrilled to see another mother here, you and I are likely the same in age and at the same point in life, so I relate to much of what you say.

    To your points,
    Courtney in captivity, interesting perspective. The problem is she is also an influencer. She has over 5000 YouTube subscribers. People listening and cheering her on, Ill or not, she is influencing a generation, a new generation where THIS is their platform for communication.

    This is essentially why I do YouTube videos, because you can get your word out there to a global audience. I like hearing all viewpoints, I love a strong debate and through it all we learn.

    The point here is to learn, not to attack. Please read my comment to Beth above, to clarify my reason for posting Courtney – it was not to attack it was to show what I believe to be a very prevelant point of view in society. Does that make sense?

    Thanks again!

  19. mamavision says:

    Vanessa asked me to reiterate why I post images of pro ana girls. The key phrase is pro ana (I know cloudy territory, just stay with me here). Although many state “I am not PRO ANA!”, if you view their personal sites or youtube videos I see conflict- I see thinspiration, vanity, arrogance, shirts that say SKINNY BITCH – and again the power to influence. I am making the judgement call that these girls do no have anorexia that is a mental disease, in fact they chant “Anorexia is a lifestyle, not a disease.” Now, if I am wrong….

    I have a few rules on posting images I find on the web:
    1) All images are found on public sites, not private forums. They are images that are available to the entire world to see. Scary especially when many appear underage, maybe seeing their image pop up here will scare them into NOT taking a picture of themselves, in their undies for gods sake, and post it for the world.

    2) If a girl sees their image on my blog, and they want it removed, email me to explain they are suffering from anorexia, they are not promoting pro ana, and it will be removed immediately.

    3) Awareness. 9 parents out of 10 that I ask “Have you heard of Pro Ana?” respond “Huh?” – they need to know there are 17 million pages of pro ana content online and 1300+ thinspiration videos on youtube. One way to spread awareness is to show it to them online and soon in my book.

    I am confortable with my decisions, no regrets. In the long run, I seek to help not hurt. I know this in my heart and that’s all that matters to me.


  20. Vanessa says:

    ok, don’t want to take up too much of your time but PLEASE answer- why the sarcastic mocking comments? do you think being proana prevents someone from having “real” anorexia? (because your answer sounded like you do) and the pictures you post are of the very thinnest girls- emaciated girls. are you really claiming that these girls aren’t suffering from real anorexia? does their misguided participation in proana negate the seriousness of their illness?

  21. Kelsey M says:

    I can relate to your last paragraph. I didn’t know I was fat until everyone in my family and people at work told me I was. “Wow, you’ve gained weight” “Hey chunky” “Wow what happened to you, you use to be so thin” Well, I turned 25, got married, and work 2 jobs. I gained some weight, but by the way they talk you’d think I should never leave the house.

  22. Kim says:

    im sorry. jane and amie i apologize, michelle i apologize. i fucked up, i am a fuck up, im sorry. anon and sass, thanks.

  23. Rachel says:

    Kim, a word on suicide: DON’T! Call the suicide hotline if you are feeling that poorly about yourself! We all care about you here!

    I don’t understand why it’s okay for somebody to bitch about “fat” people and how they’re “lazy” and “worthless.” Period. I’ve seen the jokes. I’ve even laughed at a few well-worded jokes. Thank you, MamaV for addressing this issue. I have been 40 pounds heavier than I am now. I am still striving to lose that last 10, but it won’t go anywhere. I do not fit in the criteria of being obese, nor do I fit the anorexic criteria. The ONLY criteria where I fit might be “overweight.” Yet, I am lambasted by not only myself, but people such as this young lady who has made her YouTube video. Personally, I like meat on other’s bones to look at. I’d prefer to have a bit less on mine, but it will only come off through healthy means. I have tried everything, and the only thing that is working is eating healthy and getting enough sleep. When I starve, the weight doesn’t go anywhere. When I purge (through alternative compensory means aside from self-induced vomiting of course!), the weight does not go anywhere. Literally the ONLY option is for me to pay close attention to what I eat, and how frequently I eat it.

    I disagree completely with what this girl is saying in her video, and I think that either end of the spectrum whether your are overweight or underweight is oppressive. I actually found her video to be kind of offensive, but that’s all I’ll mention on that one.

  24. kellie says:

    You are making complete sense. I am hearing you!

    Thank you for posting your criteria on posting pictures. I am still thinking about your comment on these girls truly suffering from anorexia. Only because I do believe (and i think that you do to, please correct me if I am wrong!) these images can lead to a thought process and behavior that can mimmick ED’s which can lead to full blown cases. Which is why I have a concern over you posting them on a site that is so clearly fighting the pro-ana movement! I hear you saying that you want to get the word out to mom’s who are unaware, but I also hear (from your post on Fat Ass!*) that pictures (and key words) probably attract more readers to this site. So I am weighing all that out and I am trying to see your point. I do enjoy being able to read your thought process on this subject and I do believe you are trying to help and not hurt.

    I am in TOTAL agreement with you about Courtney being an influencer. You are right on the money there. And I appreciate your words:

    “…a new generation where THIS is their platform for communication…”

    Good, good thoughts….I’m thinking!

    Thanks for the kind welcome~


  25. Karrie says:

    Hey MamaV – about the word ‘fat’. The thing about that word is that its just that – a word. It means the opposite of thin and its only society that makes it negative. Its like how some people associate “Asian” with “Kung foo”.

    I do reccomend a book, ‘The Fat Girl’s Guide To Life’ by Wendy Shanker. I remember a section of her book where she says she uses the word ‘fat’ (not in the negative way) on herself because the more she uses it, the less potential it has to hurt her.

    Her website is here: http://www.wendyshanker.com

  26. Elle says:

    I have been holding back to comment on this post. Overall, I think mamaV’s videoBlog is very good. My only response to Courtany and all who think very similarly about over-weight people is this link: http://kateharding.net/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

  27. echo says:

    Wow… that girl… That’s ridiculous. I’ve never felt oppressed since I ‘got skinny.’ And my doctors, they are so encouraging, so nice. My mother… she is a binge eater and I suspect compulsive overeater, and she’s scared to death to go to the doctor because he’s constantly harrassing her about her weight. Even back in late elementary school, I was called chunky. Made fun of because I wasn’t a toothpick (seeing pictures these days, I don’t understand what the problem was. I’d kill to be equivalent to that weight again) Anyway, I came home every day crying. People constantly made comments about me eating. Now, I still get comments about my eating but it’s more along the lines of encouragement. It’s concern. Maybe she feels oppressed because she’s, I’ll say, outspoken against fat people? My mom’s way healthier than I am, even though she’s obese. I think that says a lot right there.

  28. Yumiko says:

    ‘fat’ should not be considered the ‘worst’ thing you can be. It has become ‘offensive’ because we have given it meaning and power.

    If we take that power away, the word becomes just a discriptor, a word. It isn’t the word itself, it’s the meaning behind it. It’s the implications, the generalizations, the sterotypical notions associated with it.

    I would not be teaching my children that ‘fat’ is an insult, because it is still instilling in them that ‘fat’ is bad, and if you are called ‘fat’, you are bad.

    Take the power away from the word, and it becomes just a discriptor, just a powerless word.

    As for the hateful blogger on youtube, she has self-hatred issues. And you do not need to be overweight yourself to have hatred for yourself. Self-hated is a deep internalized subconcious hatred of parts of yourself you may see in others.

  29. Laura says:

    I like certain parts the girl’s argument, why is it that anorexic or bulimic people can be criticized for their health issues when obese people aren’t? It seems as though everyone should have equal treatment and respect.

  30. Emily says:

    obese people aren’t criticized for their health issues……hahahahahahahaha…. that’s funny.

  31. JustAWoman says:

    Props for this post — you express yourself well and make some excellent points.

    I came by your site a few days ago via “Every Woman Has An Eating Disorder” and I have really enjoyed reading your journal. I have not spent a great deal of time on “pro-ana” sites (, although I used to browse them occasionally when I was in a bad place, but your message and analysis is fascinating. I have had some pretty bad problems with disordered eating (restriction, binging, overexercise) from which I mostly recovered a few years ago (though I occasionally have a bad patch) with help from counseling and supportive friends.

    I am one of those people who is naturally a little stockier than most, probably “fat” in the eyes of some, and it’s taken me a while to realize that I can’t be skinny without hurting myself, and that’s okay. I maintain a BMI of about 24-25 and wear a size 8 jeans. I also run marathons, lift weights every other day, play sports for fun on a regular basis, and eat healthy food in moderate amounts (though I only occasionally obsess over it these days). My body is strong and healthy, and I feel good, because I try to focus on what my body can DO. At mile 25 of a marathon, I’m not thinking about whether my thighs look fat in my running shorts; I’m thinking about whether or not I can push through the pain and break my personal record.

    At a BMI of 21-22, I was constantly hungry, weak, and cold. It’s not where my body wants to be. This is a totally normal size for many people, but it’s not for me. When I was at my lowest point, people told me they “admired my restraint” for refusing food when I was suffering inside and my whole world revolved around avoiding food. We are all different. This is okay. It’s natural human variation. Thank you for realizing this; not many do.

    While I’m quite sure the girl in the second video would think I was one of those “overweight” people, she would be wrong in thinking that I am doing something to my body that is unhealthy. This society is sick. There IS a happy medium between overeating and starving.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *