Half Full

Half full or half empty. How do you see the world?


You may have figured out by now I am a half full kind of gal, to a fault at times. Sometimes my optimism gets me so jazzed I am told to scale it back a notch, but hey, I’ll take it. Better than the alternative, right?

I see the good in people.

I see the bright side of situations.

I let things roll off my back.

I usually can’t hold a grudge even if I try.

I believe this is because I express my feelings, bluntly, yet sincerely, and move on. This doesn’t always have me winning popularity contests, but I don’t know any other way to be.

I believe optimism is a learned behavior. Are you willing to learn it or would you prefer to stay stuck in the muck of negativity?

 If you are a half full, let’s hear your tips on how to cultivate optimism.

If you are a half empty, let’s hear your plan to work towards a more positive lifestyle.

Let’s not wallow in the wrongs that have been done, instead try to push through them, see how those wrongs will make you grow into a better person, a stronger person.


Quote of the day

“My dad set a great, bad example.”

– my father.

(Photo credit: cypearl http://flickr.com/photos/cypearl/475006675/)

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39 Responses to Half Full

  1. Josie (Joey) says:

    hmmm – you’re really hating the negativity of your EDed readers aren’t you?! It’s bugging you, i can tell. I guess it’s thesame way an overly optimistic person bugs someone who is down.

    MamaV – have you ever had clinical depression? I have had it for two years, quite severely. A huge proportion of people with EDs have them due to their brains malfunctioning from malnutrition or damage. Chances are depression causes much pessimism and focus on past horrors in our girls.
    When you’re depressed, you can’t see the positive side to anything, even if you try your very hardest. The future is completely bleak and you can only imagine awful scenarios where all that happens is you fail. The present is painfully montonous. So the past is great – it’s predictable and so very familiar – much easier to think about. So if we think at all (when not sleeping, drinking, taking drugs or starving to block out the depression) it will tend to be about the past.
    For the past few months my mood has bounced a lot – from depression to unrealistic positivity, to an extent it could be called “manic”. The way i see myself, my life and my environment can be COMPLETELY different, it just depends upon the day. Yesterday i woke up delighted to be alive, able to conquer anything, full of energy, excited about starting college, loving the sunny weather, feeling radiant. The day before that I was in tears because i could not see ANY way that i would succeed in college – i was too crap at drawing, i’m too sick, too weird, there was no chance i could succeed. I had no energy, everything felt uncomfortable, i just wanted to sleep and not think.

    I hope i’ve explained what it’s like. Being pessimistic or optimistic is a choice for those with sound mental health, but for those who don’t, it’s not.
    However, i don’t want to make this sound like those with EDs are without hope of optimism. If they recover from their ED, if only to an extent, they’ll have the brain chemicals there to create optimism by the bucketload.

  2. Rose says:

    Joey said it before i had the chance! I personally find thinking about the future too scary. I can be optimistic at times but it doesn’t come naturally to me, neither does being happy. I tend to not feel comfortable when i am “happy” anyway and I’ll do whatever i can to cock it up, so that i always have an excuse to not be the happiest i can be. Happiness scares me; i guess i fear that its over rated.

    MamaV, this blog attracts people with EDs- did you really expect us to be happy secure people? As Joey said, i know that i will be free and happy and normal if i choose to get better, but letting go of this is a petrifying thought.

    This site isn’t really too different from the pro Ana forum that I’m a member of (just a side thought).

  3. wanderer says:

    Josie/Joey and Rose are spot on. EDs are often connected with depression, anxiety, and difficult life /family situations. And when they go on long enough and become entangled in the psyche, it becomes more and more difficult to flip on the optimism switch. Something in the brain gets shortcircuited into a repeating loop of negative which can be damned difficult to break without some kind of outside intervention like therapy or medication.

    Having said that though, there is a way I’ve found to help me get through the bad times–reading Louise Hay’s books. She went through a lot of hell in her life (abusive relationships, serious illness) and fought her way back. Her writings have much compassion, wisdom, and love, providing advice to uplift her readers and help them find a sense of agency. I loved reading You Can Heal Your Life. May not be everyone’s cup of tea but I resonated her central message with developing compassion for the wounded and damaged parts of our lives and nuturing ourselves back into wholeness with love. Helped me a lot.

    I think that’s the key to healing–loving yourself in a gentle, nurturing way, accepting your mistakes, forgiving yourself., seeking help. When you’ve suffered from EDs, clinical depression, or abuse (or all of the above), it can take years to heal.

  4. Jane says:

    I wish I could make the decision to be more optimistic… I just don’t know how. It isnt that I want to be unhappy or negative about everything, I just think I’d rather meet my pathetic expectations than fail or not reach my goals. Does that make sense? I’m so petrified of failing and so by sticking to my negativity I suppose I am keeping myself safe, this is the only way I know to be safe. I’ve never had a reason to believe that things would be good, so I guess I never learned to deal with positivity, MamaV, I genuinely do want to be a half-full kinda girl, but I just don’t know how, and I dont want to fail… does tha make sense?

    Josie/Joey – I know what you mean, with depression, there is no way to jsut ‘be’ optimistic. Freedom to live is taken away and instead you are attending a masquerade. You are you, but you arent…. make sense? I think what I’m trying to say is that yes, there are things that are not controlled by yourself on a real concious level… I’m not sure if I’m thinking along the same lines as MamaV, but the way I read the post made me think she wanted us to try and change some little parts of our concious thoughts and behaviour I dont think we are expected to perform miracles,,, I just think we are meant to try and get a little positivity into our lives.

    Rose – similar comment, MamaV realises that we arent secure, that we are trapped in something surreal and cruel… therefore logic follows that we arent happy in ourselves…. my comment to Joey basically says what I think.

    Wanderer – I’m glad you can accept that there are things you can do to make yourself feel better :o) I also like reading books that make me realise that I could have had a much worse time… weird, someone elses pain makes me realise how fortunate I have been :o/ I might see about obtaining a copy of this book… sounds worth reading.

  5. Rachel says:

    I’d like to say that I’m “Half Full.” That, however, would be a lie. I’ve got chemical imbalances in my brain that prevent me from thinking and being in a rational state. That seems to be a reoccurring theme in the responses to your post, Mama. While I definitely appreciate the note of optimism, it is insanely difficult when we physically can’t break out of it.

  6. Amie says:

    Hey Mama..
    I agree with the girls on this one… its hard to see the cup for half full when everything around you and inside you seems half emtpy… i do try to be ‘happy’ around people, i find that being sad and gloomy often makes other peopls feel drained plus attracts attention to me (which i hate), so yes its pretending but it dont want others to feel bad…. i have a thing that goes through my head whenever i feel the need to do anything ‘ is this going to make you a blessing or a burden’ i dont want to be a burden to anyone… the internet is different though, i feel like i can be happy, sad, angry, mad etc… but if you need me to change, let me know…

  7. Cat says:

    As someone diagnosed with a whole slew of mental disorders, I see the point in the other posters’ replies, but I think the point was to use this exercise to make a concerted effort to be positive…even if that may be far outside your normal comfort zone. With that in mind, to answer specifically: “If you are a half empty, let’s hear your plan to work towards a more positive lifestyle.”

    I really try hard to set attainable goals, in whatever I do. I am notoriously pessimistic, and this can be a truly arduous task for me at times. I try to set lots of little goals, like getting to that extra reading for school a week early or making a concerted effort to be social (this is hard for me, I have panic disorder and my eating disorder makes social activities involving food particularly difficult). When I complete a few of these little goals I try to reward myself in small ways, a new book or pair of cute underwear, that sort of thing. I actually write down things I want to accomplish during the week and check off items in my journal.

    I’m sure like many visitors here, obviously, self-esteem is a huge issue and a key component of how you see the world. It’s hard to be positive if you don’t feel positive about yourself, and that’s something I struggle with daily.

    That all being said, I’m new here =] so hi! I think you’re quite possibly the most fabulous gal I’ve come across recently, and it strikes me how important voices like yours are given the current state of affairs. It really is inspiring, whether you have an effect on 1 or 100 girls.

  8. Josie (Joey) says:

    Okay, now i’ve got the technicalities over and basically proved that i’m definitely half-empty most days, i don’t want to be a total downer on what is a well-meaning and caring post!!!

    If i’ve gone from all half-empty days to a mixture of empty and half-full, which is a definite improvement, then it’s definitely possible others can have half-full days too.

    Damn – i had so much to say, but then a car caught fire outside and there’s been lots of drama and i had to evacuate the house – and now i’ve come back and i can’t remember what the hell i was typing about!!!!!

  9. Danielle says:

    I don’t think that being optimistic or pessimistic is a personality trait and that it can’t really be changed. Sure, if someone is depressed they are going to be more pessimistic then if they weren’t suffering from depression, but I don’t think someone who is naturally a pessimistic person can just snap out of it and become uber optimistic all of the time. I think it’s possible for a pessimistic trait to be modified to be less prevalent, but I don’t think it can completely disappear. I don’t know if I would want to be more of an optimistic person though. Sometimes I think that some people who are optimistic ignore the bad things in life and just walk around with with a smile and their head in the clouds, completely oblivious to what’s going on around them. (Not to say that you are one of those people) I would never want to be like that. If that means that I’m a more negative person, then so be it.

  10. Josie (Joey) says:

    Starting to remember now…

    Brain chemistry and circumstances may work against us being positive and optimistic, however there are steps we can take to being more positive:
    – when you’re feeling good about anything, write it down and save it for when you’re low
    – challenge your negative thoughts and feelings – if you had the same situation on a ‘good day’ would you feel the same?
    – don’t do things you know is going to make you feel pessimistic (like watch ana videos)
    – do things that make you happy (many of us aren’t very good at this)
    – try your best to eat well to fix the brain chemistry
    – spend time with others, especially people who make you laugh
    – don’t force yourself to do difficult things like make decisions when you’re low
    – get fresh air and exercise

    okay – not a sure fire way to fill glasses, but definitely helps a little!!!!
    We do have some control over our mood and perspective, albeit not anywhere near as much as those who are ‘normal’.

  11. hillary says:

    I used to be a half empty kind of girl. I don’t know what happened. i was depressed, i was hurting myself. I was awful. I don’t know if it happened over time or all at once, but i’m not so half empty any more. granted i have some half empty traits. i trust almost no one. and there’s not a person i trust completely, not even my best friend. but at the same time, i have that positive outlook that things will always get better. i have faith that no matter what happens, things will end up being ok.

  12. Nats says:

    To me the world is both half empty and half full. Half empty of people who carean who are genuine, people who love eachother. Half full of morons! People who really don’t care about anyone but themselves, fine by me but don’t drag the world down with you.
    I wake up each day in a different mood. One day the glass is half empty and all I see is me watching the world go by, all I see is hurt and pain. Then two days later ill see it as the world is in trouble and I need to help in some way. Everyone has their way of being both optimistic and pesimistic, we are all aware of when we are feeling either one, but its just very hard to control them.
    Hang on! Am I talking rubbish??? I think I might be xx

  13. Rose says:

    Mama v do you have any suggestions on how to be half full?

    I think that most of the (pro) Ana community wants to feel optimistic about life, it just isn’t easy. I , like others, am willing to take baby steps towards an optimistic outlook because i know that if i was more optimistic i would i not be in a lot of the situations that i find myself in, which in turn make me more unhappy and even more pessimistic. I just don’t really know where to begin!

    Joey thank you for your “Guide to optimism” – the change does have to come from within


  14. Kristin says:

    Great, maybe I have to join an ED-forum instead of posting my thoughts here, I feel so cr.. not being able to join in positivity. I DO NOT EVER feel happy to wake up, glad to be alive, if I were not a Christian I’d have done a third attempt of killing myself, and succeed.

    Are we even living in the same world? Ok, so I’m diagnosed with chronic depression, I’m stuck in the well, but I’ll try to look up and see the pretty things in the sky.

    I love that other people are happy. My best friend just had a daughter, she’s married and just a wonderful person. I couldn’t be more happy for her! I wish a wonderful life upon all creatures of the universe, I bless the nations of the world, and women and men alike, I genuinely love to see other people enjoying their life.

    I love that other people are ABLE to open themselves up. To accept who they are, forgive and let go, and then LIVE… Don’t know how to do that for myself, but I am thrilled that you are out there, little cheeleaders of the sun.

    Most of all, I’m glad I don’t have to live forever. Because it hurts, to be the one in pain. The one who doesn’t thrive and grow in sunshine. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please forgive me, that I cannot be like you.

    Honestly, do you really let yourself think about the negative things in life as well? Are we supposed to put on a pink blind-fold, and go on our merry way?

    Please forgive me for being depressed. But sereously, if a glass is 50/50, it is both half empty and half full. Am I a better, more inspirational human being, if I convince myself it’s all good?

    Let’s just be real.

  15. mamavision says:

    Hi Josie: You got me (as usual!).

    The general half empty attitude is no doubt to be expected, but if we are to be lifted out of it, we have to fill our minds with more half full stuff…I believe this is where I thrive and can be helpful.

    I do understand and agree wholeheartedly that depression and anxiety are playing a large role in the feelings of many of us here. But I can say, I have been there, from an anxiety standpoint – and I have recovered in that area as well. Looonnnnggg ass road, but I am here and happy.

    To make my long story short, I describe my mind like a hamster on a wheel. I always thought this was normal, and in my teen years it was intense. In my twenties it lead to chronic headaches in which I tried every possible “natural” approach (meditation, yoga, massage, physical therapy, trigger point injections, and on and on and on).

    Finally, when I was pregnant with my son, I knew I was completely over the top with my anxiety. I was missing out on life. I could not be in the moment and I was exhausted with it. Medication was my last resort and I was scared but desparate.

    Medication has been life changing for me, absolutely life changing. I often say I will live 10 more years like this than 50 how I used to. I never want to go back there, my mind was my hell. Just like depression, you can’t understand it unless you have lived it right? But perhaps some of this sounds familiar to those who suffer from depression.

    I know this much, I am so grateful that I pushed through it, I didn’t give up, I had to keep going until I found a solution. One of the hardest parts of going on medication is the judgement society puts on you. Mental illness is still treated like something to be ashamed of, but I finally say screw it- I don’t care what they think, if they think I am nuts fine, at least I am a happy nut :)

    Seriously though, I remember my psychiatrist telling me “This is one of the best things you can be doing for yourself and your children, you are teaching them that you are taking care of your health.” That always stuck with me.

    So my point is, I have been down, really down, and I am here to say you can get up. But it ain’t gonna be easy…so we have to try to get you moving one tiny step at a time.

    That first tiny step is up to you though, no one can do it for you. Reach out to someone, anyone that can give you the professional help you need to start your real life. There will be a day that you will look back on this ED life as just a bad nightmare that you never have to face again.

    Love you all,

  16. mamavision says:

    Hi Rachel: I agree and understand, please read the post above and let me know your thoughts.

  17. mamavision says:

    Hi Rose! I have no expectations for you all actually, I figure we will all be at different stages of our lifes, our ED issues, and that is a good thing.

    You bring up a great point- fear. Fear is debilitating, as you have described well. Have you ever read anything by Dahlia Lama? Not to get all Buddist on you, but I have read his teachings here and there and you may want to read what he has to say about fear.

    What does out fear stem from? I would say mine stems from not wanting to do something wrong, or not wanting to hurt someone, or someone not liking me. The thing Dahlia Lama says about this is basically, evaluate the action that is making you fearful. Ask yourself- is your heart in the right place? Are your actions coming from love and kindness? If yes, you need to let go and be at peace with yourself because even if others are hurt, or others judge, or you fail in your mind- your heart was in the right place.

    I am not sure if I articulated this well, but let me know your thoughts.

    You can not waste your life frozen with fear! So much awaits you and you are missing out on what life has to offer you.

    Another great author is John Kabat Zinn, he teaches these stress medication classes (which we all could use). He has a few great books, check out “Whereever you go, there you are”

    Take care!

  18. mamavision says:

    Hi Wanderer! Thanks for the book tip, I am going to check that author out. I owe you an email, I will be reaching out to you shortly for an update on our prior discussions.

    I hope all is well!

  19. mamavision says:

    Hi Amie: This is the challenge of life- that is why the whole saying of half empty or half full came to be. Life is what you make it, no its not easy, and no one said it was going to be.

    We need to embrace difficulties, instead of dreading them. Rose made a key point- I am scared of being happy. How many of us feel this way? I sure do, its like you are going to jinks yourself if you are too happy because you know something bad is coming down the pike right?

    Buddism talks about this too, the teachings show you how to make life less of a roller coaster by stopping yourself from expecting or looking forward to excitement or bad times. Instead expect and embrace all parts of life, live more even keel. This is really simplified, but I am telling you it works, especially in the case where you feel scared to be happy,…..man I remember feeling like that all the time, it was like putting this bad omen on my self that I was going to be struck down at any moment (this was during my pre-anxiety meds days as you can probably tell).

    Anyway, as Bill Murray says in my favorite movie of all time “baby steps.”

    Love you!

    PS if you have not seen that movie, rent it. Yes it makes fun of mental illness but we’ve got to laugh at ourselves sometimes. This guy is deathly afraid of everything and it gets so ridiculous you can’t help but laugh (especially when you see yourself in the character!!) Did you ever notice the line between normal and abnormal is barely distinguishable?!

  20. leigh says:

    I think this topic is interesting in that i dont think i would call the glass half empty or half full, id guess id say that it was half a glass of water nothing more nothing less. I’d say there was 50% there. In other words it wouldnt be optimism or pessimism on my behalf.

    I guess i am more optimisitic towards other people than myself, but i wouldnt say that i was a pessimist despite my lack of self-esteem and self-belief. I guess that i would just be glad that there is half a glass of water there. That it wasnt completely empty.

    I dont really know how to explain that better than i have.

    however i dont think bad things are easily overcome. It is the difference between logic and feelings. You may WANT to be optimistic, but every time you sit down there may be something there saying “this is horrible and i cant get away”. Realistically the world isnt a nice place. I can accept things with logic, but realistically if negative feelings are there inside you theres not a lot you can do.

  21. mamavision says:

    Hi Cat! Thank you for sharing and welcome! I hope everyone reads your inspiring post….you articulated EXACTLY what I was attempting to do here.

    Those small steps add up to big victories, and before you know it you look back and go “wow, I am way better than I was a month ago.” If you can keep that momentum going, except you will have setbacks, we all do, you will see change in your life.

    Thanks again, and I hope to see you posting more often.

  22. mamavision says:

    Hi Danielle: I don’t know if I understand what you are saying. What I hear from your post is that it might be scary to expect too much out of life?

    On the other hand, in regards to having your “head in the clouds,” this can be true. In fact, I have learned that I give people way too many chances. I trust too much, even when someone has burned me, I will eventually have compassion for them, open up, and then sure enough get burned again.

    But then I think, what is the alternative? Walk around like a big grump, worried that someone is out to get me? Forget about it, its more fun being an optimist.

    In regards to learning to be more optimistic, I vote yes. My husband WAS a total half empty guy….it took me 10 years to convert him, but I can say I have brought him over to the bright side!


  23. mamavision says:

    Hi Hillary: Your last comment is really telling about you…you say that no matter what happens things will be ok. This is a great trait to have, where do you believe this comes from?

  24. mamavision says:

    Hi Nats! I agree, its like a balancing act. But imagine your life if you opted to push yourself to the half full side of the world more days than not?

    I would bet you that you would have more positive experiences that day, you would see more good in people, and you would see that all of us are more similar than different.

    Here’s a weird thing that you can test. Walk around for a whole day being cheerful, not obnoxiously or anything, just friendly and talkative and see how others react to you. Honest to god, I watch this in action with my mom, anywhere you go with her, everyone talks to her. Its like she has this face people trust and are attracted to her aura.

    No lie, I have been with her when people have actually paid for her ticket or bought her a shirt in a store, just because they met her in line and liked her. I use this to my advantage actually, anytime I want something, like a hotel upgrade or discount, I sent ole Grandma Dee in….no one can resist her and she always pulls it off! Isn’t that hilarious?


  25. mamavision says:

    Hi Kristin: It sounds as if your depression does not allow you to visualize a positive world. Are you being treated?

    As we have talked about here (especially Josie can relate and be helpful with depression issues), the chemical imbalance that goes along with depression is just totally debilitating.

    And don’t let anyone tell you this is BS, there are always going to be people (like Tom Cruise the total genius that he is) going out there telling people that medication is bad and there is no chemical imbalance.

    Another problem with treating depression is it can often take patience and a test of your will due to side effects. Is this the case for you?


  26. Nats says:

    Hey mamaV I will try it. I will walk around for the whole of today and talk to people. Gosh they will think im nuts, ill just strike up a convo with everyone lol

    I will let you know how it goes!

    Your mum sounds soooo funny! You should get her on here make us all smile he he.

    She sounds like I used to be before all this started :) Maybe one day ill be back like that soon :)


  27. hillary says:

    mamaV, I’m not entirely sure where my belief stems from. I didn’t used to be this way. I went through a really tough time with my boyfriend and my best friend last year. It’s a slightly complicated story, but basically it boils down to the fact that I almost lost both relationships, which would have been near impossible for me to handle. As it actually happened, I managed to salvage both relationships, and rebuild friendships out of both. My theory is that if all that happened ended up ok, then there’s hope for all situations to end up alright.

  28. Kristin says:

    Hi mamav, I’m sorry about the downer post earlier, I just hate myself.. :(
    Yes, I’m being ‘treated’, but nothing seems to work, I’m on x2 dosis of antidepressants + valium + another drug to make me sleep, as well as I really have to take my vitamins b/c my hair is totally falling out due to malnutrition, but I can’t keep them in my empty stomach.

    Actually I’m so low at this point, when someone gives me the grace of talking about chemical imbalance, I want to cry with relief. I hope you’re right. That it’s not me, personally. That it’s fixable…
    I’m just so sick of my own depression. But if Tom Cruise is the typical half-full kinda person, I’d rather be a depressee, you get what I mean? At least I’m trying to be sympathetic to people (hope I didn’t seem completely evil in the last post though).

    What I should have said, is that I’m TRYING to make more positive choices for myself. I’ve actually just bought my own apartment and decorated it and stuff, so I SHOULD be happy. I know. I am. I just can’t feel it.
    Anyways, theoretically I’ve stopped smoking pot and even drinking, had a slip on sunday but that just get me more determined to stay ‘clean’. I get even more self-destructive when I’m out of myself that way, what I need to do is give people a chance to try and save me, things can only go up from here so why not. Thanks for trying, I concider you one of my helpers :)

    What do you think, am I ana+mia BECAUSE of my brain imbalance (depression runs in EVERY family member on one side of the family), I read somewhere mia behaviour could be linked with low eastrogen or whatever the spelling is in english (I’m norwegian).
    Or am I this *****unhappy***** because I’ve starved and binged my whole life? Never really gave this girl a chance, did I?


  29. Josie (Joey) says:

    Kristin – i just read your last comment, and hell i understand you.
    I’m recovering from my ED, and as soon as i was eating right my mood went wwaayyy up – i’m almost “recovered” from depression as well as my ED now! If you’re not eating there’s almost no escape from depression – both chemical imbalance and other damage going on in the brain is caused by malnutrition. I really encourage you to work on your Ed, because with it depression is gonna stay.
    You CAN be free of this. Trust me.

  30. Kristin says:

    Hi! That’s really excellent, you gave me a little bit of hope there… I’m really happy for you. Deep down I know you’re right. I’m trying to eat – baby steps – trying to get the balance, which is so hard, because I even had disordered eating habits as a kid, it’s all new to me. I’m constantly telling myself: if I were a normal person, what would be a normal portion, etc. At times it’s just funny, I feel like some sort of alien!!! (wow, a spark of positivity there.)

    I think I’ll get there eventually. Just being open about it is soooooo new to me, I’ve been purging since I was like twelve, now I’m 23, and just admitted it to myself it feels… I can’t believe it’s been going on that long!!! That’s insane.
    I have told my doctor, but still it’s up to me, she’s apparently not going to force-feed me yet, and so I’m just kind of stuck in the middle like a lot of girls, where I don’t even know myself what sort of help I should be getting.
    I’m really starting to freak out about my teath as well – maybe my vanity is a good thing right now! :)

    I so want to recover like you. I hope I’m not being too personal, but could you tell me just a little about how you managed to overcome your ED? Sometimes I feel like I’m starving myself just to get hospitalised, it’s like I have to reach my goal of that insanely low BMI, only to be noticed…
    By the way this is not a personality thing, I’m not really an attention-seeker, it’s only got to do with survival. I’m no longer sure if I can do it on my own.

    If you’re not comfortable sharing, that’s ok. Thanks so much anyways. Tell me if you’d like to e-mail me someday :)

    luv Kris

  31. Nats says:

    Kristen- I hope you manage your goals hun, I know what you mean about not wanting to do it alone, even if I had a choice I am not sure I would have wanted my family involved, thats a toughie.
    I hope you get to where you need to be to be happy hun, just remember your ed is not you, its just something that is shadowing who you are at the moment, you just need to move into the light xxx

  32. Josie (Joey) says:

    Hi Kris :)

    I totally understand how you feel about wanting a really low BMI – i used to feel the exact same way. Like i wanted attention (it’s so taboo to admit that!), to be looked after, to be taken seriously, blah blah.

    I’ve written down everything i’ve learnt about recovering here http://www.freewebs.com/josiesed/healthywithyoured.htm . I’ve been a kindof “influencial” member of a big pro-ana forum, and lots of girls followed my lead in recovering, so i want to share things as i go along. I hope that can help you a bit! It takes a long time and a LOT of determination, but it’s definitely possible!!!

    My email/msn is king_josie@hotmail.com if you wanna chat :)

  33. Nats says:

    Joey, you are great you know that??? I just thought I would tell you this, xxxxxxxx

  34. Kristin says:

    Nats -thank you, that’s like the most beautiful image! I haven’t thought of it that way before… The shame diminishes when I start to concider myself as a *person* separate from the awfulness…. It’s so much easier to be nice to others (at least for me), than accepting one self, and trying to care about my own body etc. In a way I feel it’s like a baby I have to pick up from the ground and care for, it’s been screaming for so long…

    Your support means a lot to me.
    *HUGS* :)
    luv Kris


  35. Kristin says:

    Josie – I’ve been checking it out, it blows my mind! I’m totally motivated, I’m like a spunge here :) You really are great. Hope to chat with you someday, just have to figure this whole computer-thing out a little bit.
    My email is kshoeie@online.no

    This is weird :) but in a good way. I’ve never had this kind of support before.

    MamaV – if you read this, I love you forum 😀

  36. Nats says:

    Kris- you are welcome babe! It is a nice image but it is true!! Just remember it, say it to yourself when u look in the mirror, say it to yourself when you feel down. Slowly you will start to feel better. then once you feel a bit better about yourself you can start moving towards your recovery, you need to feel good about yourself babe and love yourself. (Sounds cheesy I know but its true).

    I am here to chat anytime you want


  37. Kim says:

    mama v how do u get to the half full way of thinking when it seems like nothing is going right? i believe in the idea and agree just honestly have no frickin idea how to make it happen now, dont know if i can get it back this time

  38. hillary says:

    kim, the idea of half full doesn’t necessarily stem from things actually going well. it comes from having faith that even though things aren’t so hot right now, in time they will get better. don’t shoot an idea down until it happens, i.e. dont think things are going to end up poorly until they do.

  39. Rose says:

    hello mama, You asked where my fear stems from, i think it is out of insecurity. i posted the folowing in my “pro ana” journal and i think it sums up my fear pretty well.

    “I wish i didn’t get like this. i am constantly stressed: headaches, sleeplessness; i m constantly on edge. I cry almost daily. i feel alone and scared. i am petrified that I’ll fail, that i will never be happy, that i will never have a secure job, and a secure income. I am scared that i will have to depend on someone else so much that i push myself into situation where i don’t have a choice but to depend on someone like the Aaron, my ex or my mother, and at the end of it all i ask myself, which one did i feel most secure with, fickle is the word that Aaron uses to describe me, my ex prefers another word, I just want to feel secure. I am so petrified of being independent, because i want to be independent so badly ”

    And i guess my ED stems form that, it stops me from being independant, i just dont want to fail, or mess anything up, i f i was optimistic, i wouldn’t beleive that i’d make a mess of things and *poof, ED be gone!*

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