MAMA's ARMY!

WHO IS MAMA’s ARMY?

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Nats, a regular here, called the community Mama’s Army. That cracked me up so, here we go.

I am often asked- who is your community? how old are they? why do they read your blog? My answer has been a big… I don’t know!

So I posted a survey called Who Are You? a while back and I have finally compiled the results from the 88 girls who participated. Thank you all for your candid, honest responses.

Note: Calculations are approximate. Not all add up to 100% due to not responses and other factors.

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Here’s a snapshot of who we are:

AGE:

16-19 = 45%

20-29 = 40%

30-45 = 15%

WHY ARE YOU HERE?

1) ProAna 2) looking for recovery 3)  inspiration and support 4) non-competitive environment 5) various other responses noted.

WHAT IS THE CORE OF YOUR EATING DISORDER?

Mental Disease = 42%

Desire to be Thin = 35%

Both = 23%

*This is key because I am stuck on this factor when it comes to the cause of eating disorders. I believe we may be genetically pre-disposed to develop an eating disorder, but environmental factors play a key, large role.

IF MENTAL DISEASE IS YOUR CORE, WHY?

Control =  30%

Guilt/Shame = 20%

Perfection = 10%

Fear = 5%

All = 35%

IF THE DESIRE TO BE THIN IS YOUR CORE ISSUE, WHY?

I am overweight = 5%

Peer pressure = 5%

Mom & Dad = 20%

Models & Hollywood = 20%

Other = 50%

MODELS ARE 5’9, SIZE 0, DOES THIS MATTER TO YOU?

This means nothing to me = 20%

This means everything to me, I would do anything to have a models body =35%

Bothers me, but its not going to change = 20%

Bothers me, and I would support an effort to pressure the fashion industry = 25%

———

Ready for more? Let’s dig deeper:

1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

   If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?

   If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?

   If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?

2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

   If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

   If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.

3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?

  If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

8 If you are sick of answering questions, why? :)

Love you all,

mamaV 

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I had to end with this image, I love it. Strength, self confidence, belief in yourself, that’s what its all about.

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32 Responses to MAMA's ARMY!

  1. amie says:

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?
    I think that it maybe a mental disease, I was diagnosed with complex post trumatic stress disorder, and an eating disorder is like linked with that under the critera for CPTSD.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?
    I read a lot of magazines, I see models such as Gemma Ward or actresses like Anjelina Jolie, they are all thin. Every movie where there is a female playing a main role they are thin.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?
    Growing up, a child only knows what they are taught and they are a product from there environment. My mother had an eating disorder, I can never remember her eating with us. For breakfast she would have a price of cold dry toast and a cup of tea, that all I ever see her eat. I lost 15 kg in under a month when I was twelve, my mother gave me so much praise and showed me to much love, these were feelings and actions I hadnt seen from her in a long time, me becoming thin was a positve for our relationship, it bought us together, than I was taken away from Child Safety and placed in Foster Care…

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.
    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.
    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.
    I think my eating disorder is a combination of control, guilt, shame and perfection. I was sexually abused as a child, I was than sexually assulted and raped throughout my teens, I was in foster care and moved houses over 43 times, I was a self harmer and I just think I needed something that would stay with me and never leave, I sort of ‘made up’ a friend that would always be with me no matter where I moved to… I know I am afriad of men, and now that I am 18 and I am an adult, I will be attracted to men and not boys and that is scary for me. I don’t want to look like a female but I don’t want to be butch either, I just don’t want boobs, hips, thigh’s, or my period. I am afraid that by having these things I am opening myself up to being hurt, I don’t want to be targeted because I have boobs. I look at girls in magazines and on you tube etc and I sit there and feel so disgusted. These girls are flawless, they don’t have flabby skin or stretchmarks etc… I just want to look perfect… I want confidence and I want the opportunity to be a model even though I don’t want to be a model, I just want someone to ask me, I want to be scouted and I want to be able to say ‘no’

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?
    I have spoken to my mother about it, there was really no response but I don’t live with my mother. I live with my grandparents and I havent spoken to them about it because I am afraid I will hurt them, if they know it means they will watch me and I don’t want to lie to them. They don’t ask me if I have eaten etc, if they know I have an ed they may ask if I have eaten and I will have to lie and say yes. I am afraid that if I tell them, they will look down on me.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?
    Umm I’m not to sure, maybe just some guidelines about posting and maybe being more positive

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)
    Umm… I’m not to sure…

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?
    I think you need other option besides credit cards…

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?
    I actually call a service here in Australia called Kids Help Line which are similar to NEDA, I have been talking to the same counsellor for close to 2 yrs now… those phone lines are really helpful, I don’t feel threatened or anything because they don’t get to see me… that makes it so much better :)

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?
    ARHHH I am over questions…LOL im just sick of typing :)

  2. Michelle says:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?

    There is so much in the media about thin=beauty. It’s hard to not want to be thin. When something as serious as a mental disorder comes into play, you get lost in your own thoughts and forget what the real world really is. When you are so consumed with wanting something, it may seem selfish, but you need to have it. When we are grown up in a world that believes the only way you will survive is if you are thin, it’s hard to go astray from this fact and believe that “healthy weight” isn’t fat. If that makes any sense.

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.

    Perfection.

    Perfection is a ballet dancer on the tip of her toes. Perfection is that one girl getting the A’s in school. Perfection is being able to be yourself, yet poise enough to still be presentable in public. Perfection is being thin. Perfection is having “convertible hair” where you can ride in a convertible and it won’t be a mess and in tangles when you get out.

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?

    No… I don’t talk to my mom about anything. I don’t want to tell my dad because he might look down on me. He might start worrying, and I shouldn’t be worried about. I have it under control.

    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

    Maybe more of an instant message type thing.. the forum is really nice, but it seems to take forever to get a reply.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

    I don’t know

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

    I don’t know

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

    I don’t really call those hotlines, but maybe it would be nice to have a specific person kind of like a personal counselor like Amie said she has that could be available all the time. I’m sure if you call enough, you can get to know one person and always ask for that one person. But I don’t know.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?

    Haha no, I like filling out surveys like this.

  3. Michelle says:

    can I add to my perfection statement?

    I guess I didn’t really talk about the perfect body. Cause that really is what perfection is.. right?

    Perfect body is..
    being able to wear cords without the ‘rip’ sound.
    being able to touch your toes without it hurting.
    being about to see your collar bones, but not too much.
    not having ‘cottage cheese’ thighs.
    not having ‘thunder’ thighs.
    having boobs that are big, but not big enough to be spilling out.
    having perfect skin, with no pores.
    not having one blemish… maybe a beauty mark here or there.
    calves that you can see the muscles when you flex them.
    arms that you can’t shake the extra fat around.
    a belly that when you sit down, it doesn’t stick out.
    when you lie down and you can see your ribs and hip bones.
    when you sit with shorts on and your legs don’t feel tight around the shorts.
    when you wear pants that are big enough for you, but yet you still have a little ‘muffin top’ sticking out.

    God I could keep going..

  4. hagar says:

    Aw… I want to post but I can’t, I don’t have an eating disorder really…

  5. Nats says:

    Ahhhhh ~YEAH MAMAVISION ARMY!!! I lvoe it!! I dont know how that came to me but im glad it made you laugh!! Ill post the answers later xx

  6. kay says:

    1) If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?

    The original source is guilt and shame, but I continued because of the positive reaction I recieved after weight loss and so I guess it evolved into social anorexia.

    2) If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

    When I eat I feel overindulgent and self-loathing.

    3)If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    It was never openly discussed, but they undoubtably knew back when I lived at home. I remember one time when I was binging on peanut butter my mom told me, “Even if that’s all you eat all day it will still give you cellulite.” There were other incidents like that, where it was alluded to or condoned.

    4)What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

    Maybe some more of other peoples’ experiences. I liked Gil’s posts. Is she doing okay, by the way?

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

    I’m afraid there’s only so much you can do from cyberspace, mamaV. I think you do enough :)

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

    Is there a way to start a program for small girls that would teach them where to ground their self-esteem? That would take a lot of volunteer work and planning moreso than funding, but I think that targeting young adolescent girls would be the best way to cut the source of the problem

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

    I don’t think I could ever get myself to call a hotline!

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?

    I wish there were more questions… It’s 4:30 in the morning and I can’t sleep :/

  7. hagar says:

    hey kay?
    do you want to talk? i hate not being able to sleep too…
    do you have msn\yahoo?

  8. Josie (Joey) says:

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?
    I have depression and an anxiety disorder and they’re tied up with my ED. I know that my eating is directly linked with my emotions and thoughts, not whether i’m hungry or like a taste. A lot of the thoughts i have are basically “crazy” too, and i don’t feel like i’ve had much control over how i’ve felt, behaved and thought with regards to food.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?
    I don’t think mine does, but it does feel VERY unpleasant to be of a highish weight.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    Control is when you have a big influence over yourself, your body, the people around you, and your environment. Being more specific to ED-control, it’s about having a sense of control over SOMETHING – you’ve got a goal you’re working towards, you’re changing your body in one of the most drastic ways possible, your food choices make a huge difference to your mood and your body.

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?

    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?
    I told my mum first. She thought i was pregnant because i told her first that i wasn’t grtting periods (i didn’t initially link this to my eating habits) and i guess she noticed how obsessive about my body i was, or something. She basically said “what are you going to do about it?” and vaguely considered taking me to see the nutritionist at the local organic shop to “see what you need to eat to cure you” – she had orthorexia at the time (as a result of the trauma of cancer), and had the belief that she could control almost anything concerning the body by nutrition alone.
    I told my dad over a year later when i was really struggling with my ED. He asked about my symptoms, but as i hadn’t lost my period, wasn’t purgeing, and wasn’t thinner than my sister (who is naturally very thin) he wasn’t concerned.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?
    Ideally a forum where discussions could be easier – it’s hard to follow threads in the openforum, though of course that’s hard to do.
    More posts about the media influence on body image, etc., like you used to do quite a lot of.
    Maybe helplines for the different countries, like the UK, Australia, and wherever else your readers are from.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)
    unsure – apart from the above.

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?
    Help pay for girls who need treatment but have limited access (insurance restrictions in the USA, the “postcode lottery” in the UK, etc)

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?
    I wouldn’t call – i never use phones.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?
    i’m sick of typing!!!!

  9. Kim says:

    I just watched you mama’s army video 1 and maybe i dont fit here, I never starved to look like a model or be like someone else I did it to disappear. sexual abuse made me hate every part of me and made me feel so bad and unloveable that the only way to feel better would be to be really nothing. god, i didnt know it but after seeing that i think i still feel that very same way. i dont want to hurt anyone else but i dont want to hurt anymore either. i dont know if that makes sense but that is my truth

  10. Kim says:

    need to feel that there is hope. and that life wont always hurt so much.

  11. Frosty says:

    Hi MamaV, I hope it is alright if fill this out even if I did not complete the first survey.

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why? I think you have to be open mentally to have an eating disorder take over your life. So I think as a mental disorder, yes I do struggle with the mental aspect. But I also allowed myself to be sucked into I need to be thin to be accepted, loved, and not be so alone. So I definatly think for me it was a combination.

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection. Perfection strikes fear deep inside of me. Because I know I can never be perfect. So why am I striving to be so? Perfection is OCD. Perfection is what makes my world go around. Without the order of perfection I cannot function. Being perfect gives me a chance to compete, to get married, to have nice things, to have a good job, to look good and hell I might even win!

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why? I am adopted and I don’t want to disappoint them. They waited 7yrs for a blonde haired, blue eyed girl and they didn’t ask for someone like me. So it is better to let them think of me as undamamaged.

    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION? Right now, I hjave just found MamaV and I think what you are doing is great. So far so good!

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?) Seems to me you are doing alot, greatly appreciated!

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com? I know it costs alot but maybe allow girls who have no insurance, give the money to them so they can get treatment…?

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call? yes, that would be nice.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why? Not sick of em yet!

  12. mamavision says:

    Hi Kim: There is a place for you here, there is a room for everyone. Many girls developed their ED’s from sexual abuse, I am so sorry for your suffering.

    On the bottom right there is a search box, I’d like you to search for Gil. She is an amazing girl who suffered as you have. She personally asked me to post her story here for others to read. After you watch her video and read her story, if you want to talk privately, let me know.

    We are glad you are here,
    Love!!
    mamaV
    xoxo

  13. Josie (Joey) says:

    Hi Kim: reflecting what mamaV said – you belong here, don’t worry. MamaV tends to focus on societal pressures because that’s affecting all women, and many with EDs. I’d hesitantly say that the majority of readers here have EDs that didn’t stem from dieting to look like the media ideal.

  14. leigh says:

    1) i believe that although my disorder appears to stem from a lot of things including both a mental disease and a desire to be thin it is hard to distinguish between the contributing factors. After so long it’s difficult for me to work out where my mothers influence and the desire to be thin ends and the mental disease begins. I know my mother features both in the genetics and the nurturing of my disorder but which factors are which i am unsure.

    2) my guilt and shame would probably be defined as a denial of need. my siblings all needed a lot of my parents time and i wanted nothing from them, not time, nor money, nor food or nurturance. I felt guilty for existing and later guilty for demanding so much of them and causing so much pain. A psychiatrist convinced me that a lot of my brothers behaviours that were destroying our family at the time were my fault and i felt much guilt for that. In terms of perfection. i would define that as anything but myself. i was brought up being told how perfect i was; how i had golden hair and was beautiful and being called princess. i was meant to be perfect in every single way. I will never live up to those standards. there is no such thing as perfect and so i will always fail regardless of my negative self perception.

    3) I have rarely spoken to my parents about my eating disorder because at the time i was mostly already in hospital. i find it difficult to talk to my step-dad because he doesnt understand and i feel guilt for trying to explain to my mother because she seems to follow in my path. Usually as soon as a discussion about food or weight comes up i am criticised for not eating enough or being too thin. every time i lose a couple of pounds i am “the perfect weight and shouldnt lose more” but then i am given a running commentary on the size and shape of my body. It is generally negative for me because not only am i being criticised by my own mind, but those who are my only support network too. the people who are meant to unconditionally love and accept me for who i am.

    4) What i would like to see on mamaVISION is further education about eating disorders for the viewers. A lot of people who watch are highly influential and young and to a certain extent completely uneducated about what happens as an effect of eating disorders. I wish people to know that organs can fail very easily, that the body is not invincible. That at 20 years old my teeth are falling apart, i have had near multiple organ failure, including renal and liver failure, that comas and fitting can happen, that one day you might be feeling ok and 2 weeks later you could be bloated looking 9 months pregnant with a faecal impaction that wont clear no matter how many enemas are used or no matter how much strong medication is ingested. one day you can feel no effect from your eating disorder; the next you could be 20 years old and wheelchair bound or carrying a colostomy bag. I want people to know the realism of eating disorders rather than the glamorised version. MamaVISIONs voice can carry that message further.

  15. Nats says:

    1) My eating disorder stems from a mental disease, I didnt want to look like a model, I didnt want to be a size zero, something happened to me which I will explain in a minute and it affected me in ways I never could have imagined, until that day I had never wanted to look like a model or in fact be one.

    2) I also think that my ed stemed from guilt and shame, I was raped and amde pregnant, I stopped eating as I was in a mess, I didnt even realise I had stopped eating. But then I lost the baby, the wanker who gave me the baby took it away from me, and if I couldnt forgive him for the rape, I certainly cant forgive him for the loss of the baby. I felt guilty that I had let him take her away from me, I feel ashamed for being so weak, so further into my ed I fell because of feeling ashamed and guilty.

    3) My parents are aware of my ED, they dont care, they dont want to know, so who am I to bother them and wake them from their ideal world where everything is perfect?? I know my mother doesnt care as she blames me for everything that happened and she has not been there for me since.

    4) What would I like to see on mamaVISION? Other than what you already stated I would love to see more people come on here that the youtube site to watch proana or going to LJ, is there any way we can all pull together and reach out to those who are on there and try to help them?? I guess it has to ome from them wantingit?! But then again, does everyone know about mamaVISION?? I had never heard of it until I looked up proana! Maybe we could send out your message in other ways? I dunno.

    THe donations from the site I think should be put towards maybe another clinic?? I know that would mean alot of money and I know that would also make alot more stress but there is nowhere for girls to go who have nothing, unless you have a family who are willing to give you the help you need an pay for your treatment there is nothing available. In the UK you play the postcode lottery, if your not in the right one, your out in the cold! There must be somewhere to go for girls and boys alike where they dont have to rely on if their parents understand or not. Maybe we could get your message out to larger companies?? Get donations that way too?? Couldnt we at least try??

    I would never phone a hotline, I find it hard enough to phone my counselor! And I trust her. I find it very hard to trust people and I know for a fact I wouldnt trust that person on the end of the phone unless it was mamaV or my counselor.

    I am not sick of answering questions, noone has really asked me any in my life except again my counsleor, mamaV and the girls on here, so ask away I will answer the best I can

    Hope this is ok

    Nats
    XOXOXO

  16. Danielle says:

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:
    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?
    I don’t believe that my eating disorder STEMS FROM a mental disease. I believe my eating disorder IS a mental disease. I believe that an eating disorder is a result of a genetic predisposition for the disease. I believe eating disorders are hereditary. My grandmother had an eating disorder and now I have an eating disorder. (I guess it skips a generation…or something.) I believe that events in a person’s life trigger an eating disorder, but only a person that is predisposed to have an eating disorder will develop one when said trigger occurs.

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.
    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.
    To have control is to posess the power to dominate and regulate something. Control over food is to be able to eat only what you want in the exact portion that you choose. Control is not binging on a piece of cake. Control is having exactly two baby carrots, two slices of bell pepper, and two pieces of celery for dinner. Perfection is being superior to everyone and everything around you. It is flawlessness, almost a sort of omnipotence. Perfection is something that is desired by many, but can be obtained only by those who have control. Perfection and control go hand in hand. I also find the both are a demonstration of extreme strength. In my mind, strength is measured by how much a person can do without.

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?
    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?
    I did not talk to my parents about my eating disorder for years because I thought that my parents were stupid and that they wouldn’t understand. I also thought that they would try to force feed me or something or take away my privacy. I also didn’t think they would care all that much so they would send me away so I could be someone else’s problem. I was eventually forced to talk briefly with my parents about my eating disorder when the school nurse called my house. Pretty much what I thought would happen did happen. My parents started monitoring everything I did, they tried to make me eat stuff I didn’t want to eat, and then they pushed me off onto my teacher who had been talking to me about my problems for quite a while. It was my teacher who convinced me that I had a serious problem, my teacher who set me up with the school psychologist, my teacher who guided me on what to do once my parents found out, and my teacher who drove me to the emergency room to get help. My parents essentially did nothing except pay for shit.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?
    How about a real forum? I mean, the forum we have now is good and everything, but an actual forum where you could creat threads and reply to specific topics in a more organized fashion would be nice. Like proboards or something.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)
    What you do right now is more than anyone could ask for. You’re an amazing person.

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?
    Aside from pay for the site? Maybe we could send them as donations to eating disorder groups and medical research groups.

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?
    I would never call the NEDA hotline unless I was dying…and then I’d just call 911 to send an ambulance. I don’t know whoever I would be talking to and they don’t know me so I just think it’d be a waste of my time. Also, if the person on the hotline was anything like any of the therapists I’ve seen, I’d probably just think he/she was a toolbag and just get aggravated and annoyed.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?
    No. I love when people are genuinely interested in what I have to say.

  17. Katie says:

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:
    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?
    -I’ve always been very tall, but I was also very thin so it wasn’t until I was about
    twelve that I started weighing more than my shorter friends. I’ve always had OCD-
    ish behaviors, so it was kind of like being thin was a way to channel those
    behaviors into something “good.” Because thin is good, right? I never payed
    much attention to the media — I was more interested in reading encyclopedias
    than reading fashion magazines — but you can’t help get the message that you
    must be thin. And at twelve, it really sunk in. Also, my parents both often dieted
    but never stuck to their diets. (and still do) It really bothered me since my dad
    was overweight and needed to lose weight and my mom didn’t need to lose weight.
    So I guess it bothered me that my dad didn’t stick to his diet and my mom dieted
    at all. It was kind of like “Look, I’m only twelve, but I can stick to a diet.”
    That was how it started, but it’s not that anymore. It’s just something I have to do.
    I no longer have the control I once prized

    2 If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.
    -Perfection is being smart, being thin, being pretty, being good. Never causing
    anyone any trouble. Living up to everyone’s ideals.

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?
    -I feel really bad that I’m doing this and I don’t want them to worry. Plus, the last
    time I tried to tell them something like that they just got mad and told me to stop
    doing it, like it was that simple. They also just act like it’s spiritual, like my
    behaviors are the result of a demon controlling me or something. They aren’t
    usually that weird, but I guess they don’t like the idea that I might have mental
    problems.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?
    -Oh, I don’t know.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)
    -Ditto

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?
    -I like the idea of using it for girls who can’t afford treatment, but I know that takes
    a lot of money.

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?
    -I don’t know. I’m not sure if I would ever call a hotline. How would I begin? Do I
    just call them up and tell them everything. I think I’d just feel weird doing it.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?
    -I like questions. :)

  18. Katie says:

    Oh, the words look weird. Result of copy and pasting, I guess.

  19. Kim says:

    mama i am not finding search link to find Gil. sorry not very computer savy

  20. Kim says:

    mama, i found it. very powerful, thank you for sharing it with me. wow.

  21. lea says:

    i am too adhd for this! can we have a spark notes version? I caught the first and the last questions, but there are SOOO many words, we need some serious highlighting or bullet action for the attention impaired please : )

    or maybe adhd causes anorexia?

  22. Emily says:

    1) if you think your eating disorder stems from a mental disease why?

    I believe that my ED is a mental disease, its all started a few years back when i had just turned 14, i got bullied about my weight nearly every single day and was beaten up alot to. so i started starving myself to get noticed and to control my anger so i took it out on my body and git very thin not sure if it was anorexia at that point but i knew it was bad. At that point i never got help at all people noticed but i reasurred them i was fine and they believed me ( People with ED’s are good at lying) then when i was 15 i left school and it all started to get better until a few weeks before i was 16 i got raped and that put me back to square one i started starving, overexersisng and purging, that was the time when things got out of my control. i dident get help until i got very ill. i am now in a clinic and am still battling with anorexia. Hopefully one day i will get better.

    2) If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    I stated that control and perfection is the core of my ED—

    Control is- having control of what goes in your body and how thin you want to be, also i used control to control my anger by taking it all out on myself and body by not eating. having the food that you want– for example have the exact amount of food everyday.

    Perfection is— being thin- being confident- having strenght- being different to everyone else.

    3)If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?

    i never talked to my parents for years because they would of thought i was stupid, and i thought they wouldent understand. i was very scared that if i told them i would lose all of my control that i thought i had ( the Ed had control of me though) i thought they would forse feed me and take away of all of my privacy and treat me like a kid.

    4) What i would like to see on mamaVISION
    is more of the dangers of ED’s. and more education on EDs and the diiferent types.

    5) How can I help you more—

    Be on here more reply to our comments
    give us advice not just on a one to one basis
    (but you are a pretty amazing person already and your site has helped me loads.

    6) what should we do with the donations collected on mamavison.com?

    Well i like also like the idea of maybe putting some of the money towards maybe paying some of it so a person with a ED for the treatemnet if the person cannot afford it. but i do understand that it would cost alot of money so maybe not such a good idea. but maybe put it towards doing more stuff on the webiste or donate some of the money to a ED clinic/charity.

    7) what do you think of a specific person to call at the neda hotline instead of cold calling?

    Well i think it is a good idea but not sure if i would be able to call the hotline.

    8) are you sick of answering question? why?

    No i like answering these questions.

    Take care everyone
    Emily x x

  23. Kim says:

    mama v my ed is kind of back consuming my life and i know i need to do something now or it will just get worse. you said you may have ideas to get me back on track, i am willing to listen and need them. thanks

  24. Angie says:

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?

    I guess it could be part of a mental disease- I have Asperger’s Syndrome, which is a highly-functioning form of autism, so I internalize people’s comments easily. I wanted to be thin because I was tired of being made fun of, especially by my family. I also purge when I get upset or angry, which is basically whenever I spend extended periods of time with my family.

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

    Now as I think about it, it might be more control as well as shame. I’d been purging on and off and dieting on and off since I hit puberty at 11, but it became worse after a classmate molested me in 8th grade. I began actively starving myself when I was 15 when the boy I was dating started beating me, forcing me to do sexual acts to him, and eventually forcibly raping me. I couldn’t control these things, so I looked at something I could control: my weight.

    With the shame aspect, my family constantly praises my cousin for being skinny and blonde with perfect skin and teeth- especially my grandmother. She told me that I wasn’t allowed to accept my body, that I always had to be trying to get thinner. She talks about how much shame she has for being 10 pounds lighter than me. She and my aunts and uncles call me fat and piggy all the time. They call me a stupid pig, or a fat moron. So, I purge because it brings relief from the shame.

    3 If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    My mom said that, since she helped my aunt through eating disorders her whole life (my aunt is mid-forties, anorexic, and proud) she can’t deal with me having them. She is proud of me that I’m not constantly purging anymore, although she tells me I need to lose about 20 pounds so I’m really skinny when my boyfriend and I marry, but I have 2 years to do that.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

    Someone said something about an IM feature. That would be cool.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

    Actually, just this helps. Knowing I’m not alone, knowing that this isn’t a healthy way of life.

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

    Maybe donate them to an organization that’s working to help eating disorder victims?

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

    I don’t think I’d be likely to call anyway. When I’m nervous I ramble and stutter.

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why? :)

    Nope. This is helping, I think.

  25. powera says:

    1) I believe that my eating disorder stems frm a combination of both but in away not being “thin” but childlike, because of the sexual abuse i’ve had throughout my life at various different stages and degrees but not in my childhood, and also depression- though the atter was probably in many ways caused by the former. I started dieting o control it and because if elt very trapped in my body as something that aparantly in present days culture reflects me, but has had so many acions taken upon it that i just want to control what goes in it. i hate how men look at me, and have also been in many violentl abusive relationships aswell as sexually abusive and this is me trying to escape that, i know why i have this problem but i want help for the causes not the eating dissorder as a thing in itself, when i started dieting it got worse because i didn;t lose it in he places i want, i.e i ended up still have big breasts and hips and everything else seemed to get smaller, i know i have a problem.

    2) I’ll go with guilt/shame and control.If i explain this I know i’ll sound crazy and i’ve been thoruh this with my last counsellor and it isn;t my fault blah-blah….but that’s just how i feel, i feel i should feel guilty because i should’ve controlled what happened to me the choices i made ending up to the exual and physical abuse the fact that to be honest no one ever said sorry so of course i never atributed any blame to the men who did this, And control, as a part of why i feel guilty, i feel i asked for it, which i KNOW is meant to be stupid and i’m really very angry but i can’t do jack shit to the people who did this to me i just want to do something and there to be something i can control and ths can control small part of what others do to me and how they behave, or just to dstract yself i don’t know there are a hell of alot of reasons. To be honest i know i’m not fat, i’m 5 7″ and a size 10 ( US 8-i think) i’m slightlybelow average wieght i’m bisexal so from an objective view i know i’m not ugly as such but i would rather be or atleast not be as developed.

    3) i haven’t.

    4) More information for people who have dissorders who aren’t anorexic, otherwie the ones like me and others who aren’ yet far underwieght don’t treat it like some exclusive club and then feel guilty for seeking help when they seem to need it more.

    The IM feature would be good as i feel very alone despite having lots of friends around me anyways, which sor of suggests it would not help but it’s worth a try as i’m up for being there for someone else

    As before more information for why people get eating dissorders the basic make up of reasons like control/perection/guilt and what leads us to desire or feel these things because when i went through counselling the one time it remotely helped (at the time this was for depression and self harm etc.) me to not feel so lost in my own head so to speack was to more thoroughly understand that i’m not a complete stupid bitch for feeling the way i do.

    5) i think you help as much if not more than someone else who probably has many other responsibilities does so i’m not worried, keep on going is all really. :-)

    6) No idea.

    7) I still wouldn’t call.

    8) Nope it’s nice to feel like your opinon might not only be needed but might help someone in a small way- it relieves the guilt of having one.

  26. Kim says:

    the nicest thing about mamas army is that it is nice to feel like you feel you fit one place in this world and i dont feel i fit anywhere else

  27. Kim says:

    you say we can do this, how do you know? i dont feel like i can do this again, i am out of chances

  28. Sass1948 says:

    control, control my feelings & emotions by using what i do with food as a way to push feelings away/emotions down/ignore them not deal with them.

    the 2 adults who know bout this (therapist/guardian) – well therapist is dealing with what i think she thinks r bigger issues…grief & “the father” – then like, even i’m ashamed & embarrassed to talk about my total weirdo behaviour with food. u know i am not happy about any of this.

    my guardian knows a bit but only what i tell her, not much. she just tries to feed me, but she does try to understand too. aww i luv her, but oh my god she’s not my mum

  29. Julia says:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both a mental disease and a desire to be thin, why?

    I started my anorexic behaviors at the beginning of high school last year. I had just moved to a new town and a new school. At my new school we have a cafeteria and I kind of just realized “Hey, I can eat (or not eat) whatever I want here.” I’ve always been an extremely shy person who is quiet and just sort of invisible to everyone else- – I began restricting I think because while I did not necessarily want to change my personality in those ways, I wanted to be noticed in some way around school cause I figured them maybe people would become my friends….stupid, I know. The other part of it, the desire to be thin I guess is that even enough when I was at a healthy weight for my body and eating normally, I have always been a very thin person with an underweight BMI…and I don’t know, I guess I never really perceived myself that way? Also, the summer before I had been scouting by a photographer to model and currently have interest from agencies. In March I’m going to go to New York with my mother agency to get signed to a bigger one. I really didn’t have to lose a ton of weight in the scheme of things to become extrememly emaciated….I’m now 5 foot 9 and before I had never weighed over 112 pounds (that was when I was 5’7…I grew when I was restricting a lot) and at my lowest I was at 98…..my friends haven’t noticed if I have lost or gained weight,but I still worry that I look like a totally different person.

    I’ve never really thought of myself as a perfectionist, but I guess I am one. I have always been at the top of my class and I get angry at myself for silly mistakes and stuff like that, so I guess perfectionism has a lot to do with my disorder.

    2 .If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.

    Perfection to me is confidence and superiority…being well-liked and admired.

    3 If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    I have never been the one to start the conversations that I have with my parents about my disorder. My father generally doesn’t say much in the conversations….sometimes randomly if he thinks I’m wearing something that makes me look too thin, he’ll tell me, but otherwise, I don’t think he says anything because he has trouble understanding it. My mother, who is a doctor, often tells me how if I don’t get my peroid I will get osteoperosis and a bunch of other bad stuff will happen to me…she’s very technical….she tries to understand and will listen to me talkbut I dont think she totally gets it.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

    I don’t know

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

    I’ve never called

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why?

  30. Lex says:

    Mental/Genetic:
    I believe it’s mental/possibly genetic because my mother and grandmother had eating disorders, and also because this started when I was nine. NINE. I was thin when I was nine, but I’d arrive home from school on the bus before my mom got home, creatively dispose of some food, and then tell her I’d had dinner before she arrived home. I skipped breakfast, constantly “forgot” lunch.

    Thinness:
    On the other hand, it is somewhat about being thin. Less so, but that’s still a convenient thing to think about. Thinness is the aesthetic that goes along with the mental issues. I enjoy looking at thin people, but I have at least reached a point where I don’t think the anorexic look is sexy. I no longer hate myself, and when I stop eating, I pull myself out of it very quickly and force myself back into normalcy.

    Guilt/Shame:
    This was a large part of it. My guilt and shame was based on the abuse perpetrated by my mother, who I finally escaped this January. The change in me has been dramatic; I love myself, and I couldn’t have honestly said that before.

    Talking to parents:
    I tried to discuss it with my mom, but as she was the source of a lot of my guilt/shame/self-hatred, that didn’t go down well or help. She just got mad at me and then ignored it.

    How you could help more:
    I don’t know; you are already somebody I admire very much.

    Sick of answering questions:
    Yes, because I want to move on from the bad parts in my life. But I understand that my answers can help others.

  31. Alysha Faye says:

    Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why? uhmm… i dont know.. its hard.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why? I never wished to be thinner, or more attractive i was a straight a student until i was 13 . then i was raped. and hid that from life for 10 months.. i gave up.. and now for 5 years.. i have been diagnosed with bulimia,, i guess i just want to be invisible.

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why? i dont know..

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control. control,, to me is taking back my virginity, my sincerity, my life.. my everything from my rapist.

    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame. i was and still am ashamed of being raped. i’m ashamed of hiding and sleeping in the bathroom everywhere i go.. its a life i hate. and now that i am engaged.. i wish it would be just as invisible as i use to want to be.

    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection. perfection. the ultimiate desire to a man.

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why? i hate talking to my parents about my eatiing dissorder because my brain is not quite all there anymore.. i’m about 15-20 percent under my body weight.. and i just wish .. everything was ok.. im new to this site.

    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result? the result ended with me in emergency rooms after emergency rooms. i was flown to mental health hospitals in louissinina and idaho. im from washington.. so im just trying to cope with this myself.

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION? ,,, i guess realizitation to the thought i cant have children with my soon to be husband if i keep this shit up.

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?) just talking. more videos. emails.

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com? make a brand of LIFE WITHOUT EATING DISSORDERS. ED. like braceletes, shirts, books, . normal human things for all sorts of women and men

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?
    i dont call. its embarresing’

    8 If you are sick of answering questions, why? :)
    because this is a hard subject. it temps me to go use. my ed.

  32. Ina says:

    is it too late for this??
    anyways I’m posting

    1 Here are some new questions that have been spurred from the first round:

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a mental disease, why?

    Yes, because we weren’t mentally ill we wouldn’t care about the “be thin” pressure, we’d be ourselves and we’d love our bodies

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from a desire to be thin, why?

    maybe, because it’s what they sell

    thin = beauty
    beauty = love

    If you believe your eating disorder stems from both, why?

    you need the mental disease to fall for the desire to be thin.

    2 If you stated control is the core of your eating disorder, define control.

    not mine

    If you stated guilt/shame is the core of your eating disorder, define guilt/shame.

    I starve when I feel like I’ve done something wrong, I feel like I need to hurt myself, even if the person forgives me, I can’t forgive myself so I starve

    If you stated perfection is the core of your eating disorder, define perfection.

    not mine

    3 If you have not talked to your parents about your eating disorder why?

    My dad won’t listen/care

    My mom would have a heart attac and blame my dad or my friends

    If you have talked to your parents about your eating disorder, what was the result?

    I was sent to therapy once, but because I used to cut, the psychiatrist told them I had an eating disorder, but we never talked about it, my mom stopped buying magazines, but thats all

    4 What would you like to see added to mamaVISION?

    more surveys ;D

    5 How can I help you more? (I know being more available would help, how else?)

    maybe showing more that thin is not the only beautiful

    6 What should we do with the donations collected from mamaVISION.com?

    mmm no idea, sorry

    7 What do you think about having a specific person you could call at the NEDA hotline, rather than cold calling? Would you be more likely to call?

    i guess, I wouldn’t call

    P.S sorry for my english, but i did my best

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