I am not sorry

We are officially banning a phrase from our posts “I am sorry”

 sorry-cover.jpg

Do you realize how often you apologize for your feelings? Why do you feel the need to apologize for yourself and your inner thoughts?

I believe by being conscience of not apologizing, you will start to understand you have a right to express bad, hateful, self-pity feelings. This is a healthy and a path to figuring out what your core issues are.

Most of you likely learned through your life experiences that you were either not to express conflicting feelings, and if you did you were punished for it. Is this accurate?

I am not sorry for the inner thoughts I express…kind of obvious based on this blog and youtube huh? This attitude is so freeing!

Not to get to spiritual on you, but I once read a quote from the Dalai Lama that has stuck with me. It went something like this, “If you express yourself to others with love and compassion in your heart, than you don’t need to be concerned with your expressions.”

Starting NOW, no more:

 I’m sorry I am needy.

I’m sorry I am so stupid.

I am sorry I am taking your time.

You are worthy of attention. You are worthy of other’s listening ear. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.

Got it? Good.

Love you,

mamaV

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25 Responses to I am not sorry

  1. Nats says:

    Fair play mamaV! I hope others take notice of this, I agree that noone should be sorry x

  2. Alyss says:

    Wow, thank-you so much for saying this to us! I have never been told that, I never even thought about myself doing that until I read this post.
    I’m always apologizing for the way I feel or react, it’s true… it is ridiculus! I am going to try to be stronger… It’s hard, especially when I’ve been fought about to for the way I feel all my life… it was always “wrong”.
    I really admire your strength and desire to help us girls become stronger! I hope your girls take from you and grow up to be just as strong as you! Keep it up – you seem to be helping many (and though a blog no-less)!

  3. Christy says:

    Hi mamaV,

    I think you are so right about this. Several people have asked me why I apologize so much, and the first time someone brought it to my attention I hadn’t even realized how often I do it. I am not sure why I feel the need to say s***y for expessing my feelings. Probably because showing negative, or unhappy emotions is kind of frowned upon in my family. I do feel like I am imposing upon others when I talk about myself and how I feel, and I think part of it too is that I am sometimes ashamed of how I feel and am afraid of being exposed and judged.

    But, you are right. We should not apologize for expressing ourselves, because we deserve the relief of letting our thoughts out. Thank you for providing a place where we can do that :)

  4. Joey says:

    Good call mamaV!!!

    I don’t know about others here, but i feel so bad about myself that i feel i don’t deserve people to listen to me whining, and especially not to care; i don’t expect them to either. I know that when i go around I don’t talk much at all, and i hunch down nervously, like i don’t want to take up valuable space..
    I don’t think anyone has ever said that i shouldn’t express myself, apart from school bullies and w/e, but it’s often implied – my family don’t talk about feelings.

  5. hagar says:

    MAMAV
    PLEASE IF YOU ARE THERE MESSAGE ME BACK
    I HAVE A SITUATION WITH NATS
    AND SHE REALLY REALLY NEEDS YOU
    SHE IS IN A BAD STATE
    SHE IS GETTING OUT OF THE CLINIC TONIGHT
    SHE IS FREAKING OUT
    SHE MIGHT RELAPSE
    PLEASE MAMAV REPLY QUICKLY SHE IS HAVING A HARD TIME
    LOVE
    HAGAR
    p.s. sorry if i’m being a nuisance

  6. hagar says:

    oops mamav
    i didn’t read the page because i was stressed out and in a hurry
    ok
    i will not say sorry again
    last and final time:
    sorry for saying sorry
    haha
    ok but seriously
    i respect your rules
    it is an excellent and genious rule
    mamav do you know what happened?
    i was diagnosed with ocd a few days ago
    you know what?
    ever since i’ve been 8 years old
    i’ve had this compulsion
    of saying i’m sorry
    you have no idea how hard this will be for me
    xoxoxo

  7. Jane says:

    Although I see the logic for banning the S word, I’m not sure how well I’m gunna deal with this one! I’ve always appologised for my feelings, even when I was a little girl I was taught that it is wrong to express my emotions. So I feel guilty when I do. It’s been ingrained in my head for as long as I can remember, plus it was a protection for myself when I went through the abuse stage of my life (which I am still fighting to escape).

    I think that I let something slip, which is my true desire for someone to realise that I’m not okay, but then the inner voice takes over and makes me feel so pathetic and weak about losing control, so in reality I guess I’m saying S…. to myself… Not sure if that makes sense?

    Jane x x x

    P.S Nats, be strong hun… I know you can fight this :o) x x x

  8. Kim says:

    Of course when I read this my first thought was, Im sorry because I wrote that here yesterday. I dont think I know I do that as much as I do but I think it is because I am sorry for being.

  9. wanderer says:

    This is an awesome policy.

    “Most of you likely learned through your life experiences that you were either not to express conflicting feelings, and if you did you were punished for it. Is this accurate?”

    In my case growing up, yes.

  10. mamavision says:

    Hi Hagar: I just emailed you privately about Nats.
    mamaV

  11. PrincessAmie says:

    mama
    its so hard for me not to say sorry for the things i say, i feel terrible for ‘imposing’ my thoughts and feelings onto people, and i feel sorry for taking up peoples time, energy etc. I think i have always felt like i am bugging people or being a burden. I’m going to try and not say sorry, but its hard and just being confronted with the fact we are no longer allowed to say sorry is an eye opener in itself. thanks mama for being so understanding and genuinely caring.
    xx
    amie

  12. naomi says:

    on the wall of tamara’s house drop in centre is a sign that says, “i am NOT sorry.” because of this very thing. too many of the women who use the place were apologizing for their very existence. so the sign was created and put up.

  13. hagar says:

    hi guys…
    i want to say i’m sorry but as it is banned i will have to find another way to try and express what i want to say lol…
    i didn’t mean for you to start worrying about nats, she just asked me to write to mamav as soon as possible and i thought that the way to make mamav see it was to write the whole thing in big letters…
    i didn’t mean to make you upset and i was just under pressure i guessed i just thought of the best way to make mamav see the post…
    so mamav i am ***** if you didn’t approve of the post…
    i know what i wrote was a bit dramatic but i was just very anxious
    love
    hagar
    p.s. i hope you can understand =]
    p.s.s. does anyone here have ocd?

  14. hagar says:

    mamav you upset with me?
    hehe
    i didn’t mean to be so you know… the way i wrote the message
    please forgive me?
    i can’t handle someone not liking me right now
    i am trying so hard to get better…
    please?
    argh never mind
    now i’m all ashamed and feeling bad
    this sucks
    now i want to vent
    and get angry at everybody
    but i know that that’s mean
    but mamav can’t you see that i was just trying to help her out?
    maybe i didn’t react in the best way but i did the best i could!
    and now i’m getting all protective
    seriously i feel so yucky now i’m all red and there’s this bad shame feeling…
    i didn’t want to be so pathetic
    i was just trying to be a good friend
    god
    and now i’m just writing a stupid thingy to nobody
    how lame
    and NOW i’m being all negative
    but please i need your support mamav you have no idea what i am going through
    i got diagnosed with ocd a few days ago
    and i am trying so hard
    but it won’t stop
    it won’t let go
    and now that i think about it it’s been like this for YEARS
    YEARS mamav
    since i was like 8 or 7 years old
    and i just want to shout at it and make it shut up
    and btw i didn’t get your email
    and now that i read the message i am feeling very bad
    could you please delete it?
    the message about nats?
    please?
    look at me. just yuck. i can’t stand up for anything i do.

  15. hagar says:

    i should have never have said anything to anyone and i should have never come here.
    now i’m hurt.

  16. Joey says:

    Hagar, Hagar!!!!!!!!
    Don’t feel bad!! That’s a sure-fire way to get MamaVs attention, and it worked. Don’t worry about it.
    I also sympathise about OCD. I’ve had it since i was that age too, but not really badly, it’s just annoying.
    *HUGS*

  17. hagar says:

    Awww Joey thank you =]
    I just got worked up (I even cried hah how pathetic) but now you made me feel better, and I saw mamav’s email so I know she is not angry at me. I am feeling better I think.
    Wow Joey. I can’t believe that you have ocd too I am so glad you told me that =]
    For me it’s not just annoying, it feels like hell, it controls me nearly all the time and the things it makes me do vary from things such as cleaning and checking and obsessing to big bad things like cutting or pills or purging. But in a way the small things are harder to stop, I don’t know I just hate this all.
    Thank you so much for your comment it made me smile =]

  18. Danyel says:

    Wow, good job Mamma V. Great point. I’m going to try to make that a conscious efford.

  19. mamavision says:

    Hi Hagar! I love you, no worries, not mad whatsoever…trust me you will know if I am ticked!!!

    I was just in a hurry and headed out the door with the kids, so my message was short and sweet.

    mamaV
    XOXO

  20. hagar says:

    Hi Mamav!
    Awww thank you so much…
    (I want to say I’m sorry)
    I was just in a very stressful and emotional state…
    I saw your email and I replied (a very long one)
    Thank you for re-assuring me… I have that problem I am going to work on not thinking that everyone hates me =]
    xoxoxo

  21. Gabi says:

    Boker tov Hagar,

    את יפה חזק ילדה קטנה, בבקשה אלמילת שלילה לחשוב מישהו מיוחד,

    i really i hope i got at least some of that right!!! love you lots hagar! xxxxxx

  22. kay says:

    When I read this last week I didn’t think it applied to me. However, it made me aware of when I did say “I’m sorry”, and I realised for the first time just how much I do unnecesarily apologize. I’m sure that it’s extremely obnoxious to everyone, in fact.

  23. yumi says:

    It comes from a need to please everyone. We do not need to ‘please’ everyone or apologize for anything.

  24. Ina says:

    <3

    I just found you, you are amazing

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