Self Esteem Injection

My dad said to me recently “Why can’t there just be a ‘self esteem’ injection.”

He said this comment during a discussion we were having about how self esteem makes or breaks you. It literally does. Lack of it has broken the majority of you.

Where is your self esteem?

Did you ever have it?

If no, why not?

If yes, when did you lose it?

The concept of not believing in myself is totally foreign to me. The only time I ever remember not being self confident is when I was modeling. They shriveled me up like a prune. They shrunk me down to a tiny ant that could be killed with a quick flick of their finger.

mamavisionmodelpic.jpg prune2.jpg

(Above: me, photo shoot in Paris at 16. These images always remind me of how low I felt about myself during this time in my life. The eyes always tell the truth don’t they?)

As I read through posts, particularly on the new open forum, I am disheartened. I wish I could inject self esteem into each and every one of you.

In my dream, you would all slowly stand up, look to me with eyes wide, as the view of the true, beautiful, compassionate, wonderful world folds open before you.

Love you all,


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22 Responses to Self Esteem Injection

  1. kay says:

    I lost a full ride academic scholarship (primarily thanks to the fact that I couldn’t focus my eyes on the textbooks due to malnourishment) and haven’t been able to look myself in the mirror since. I feel like my family and friends tolerate me, and that my life is completely stagnate.

  2. PrincessAmie says:

    I had confidence as a kid, i was involved in all the performing arts, drama etc at school, i was in the marching band, played sports, sung in choirs, i did it all. I remember the year i lost my confidence it was when i was in grade 10, i just no longer could stand up and excel in drama. I was an A student one day, the next day i refused to be seen or heard, i loved being confident. nothing could hurt me, i was happy with who i was, no one ever paid me out or made fun at me because people only do that when they can see your weekness, being confident was great, i had stuff going on, like i was living on the street, but it didnt seem such a big deal because i was ok with who i was. gosh i wish i had confidence.

  3. Joey says:

    Your daughter, and you, are beautiful. That photo of your daughter is lovely.

    I guess i must have had self-esteem when i was really little, like 5 or 6 years old, but that’s so long ago. I remember it shrivelled away when i was 7-8-9 years old, because when i was 9 i remember moving house and thinking “i’m going to have a fresh start” because i didn’t want to be the failure of a person i perceived myself to be.
    When i was 7 years old i was abused by my teacher. For some reason she took an instant dislike to me. She would shout at me, hit me and slap me, make me do things i was terrified of (i had/have social anxiety disorder), and would write awful things on my school reports. Once she pushed me in the deep end of the swimming pool when she knew i couldn’t swim. If that wasn’t a self-esteem killer, then i don’t know what was!

    I always felt there was something fundamentally “wrong” about me, even when i was little. Much as i hate to say it, but i used to resent my mum for giving me her genes, because i may come out like her. She had psychological problems too, and i guess i saw myself turning out like her.
    Now i’m older, and i can see things more clearly, i’m not at all ashamed to be like my mum, though i am so deeply ashamed of how i felt back then.

    I’ve had a little self-esteem in the past year or two. Like, a little bit. I don’t know where it’s come from. I guess it’s being away from the pressure and bullying and cliques of school and college, and having surrounded myself with only the very closest people, who i know all like me just as i am.

  4. Nora says:

    I’m slowly building up my self esteem again, or I was at least untill May this year. Now I’m just trying not to loose everything I built up.
    I think I’ve had sef esteem when I was a child, but I lost it when I was 5 or 6 years old (My dad raped me…)

  5. Alexa says:

    Until very recently, I hadve a certain amount of insecurity regarding my figure, which is unusually ‘bottom-heavy’ compared to other Asian girls. Especially since my butt and hips were widely criticized and dissed, back to my modeling days. It was an obvious blow to my body image, and to my self-esteem as well. I used to feel deeply troubled to wear skinny jeans and even went green with envy whenever I saw girls with small butts and thin hips fitting snugly into their tiniest skinny jeans.

    It wasn’t until my fiancee shoved an ad about ‘butt and hip-pads’ to my face, that I started moaning about my ‘Latina-sized butts’. Thin-hipped and small-butted women bought expensive butt pads to look more bodacious, what the heck was I doing, groaning all the way about my sexy butt? ^___^

  6. marilyn says:

    firstly, your daughter is beautiful, and she is so lucky to have a mother who will never put her down or hurt her like so many mother’s will. You care for us all so much, and I can only imagine how lucky your daughter must be to have a mother who is so caring!!

    When I was younger I had a lot of self esteem, but from the age of 11 onwards it slowly deteriorated at focal points in my life. I suffered a lot of physical and sexual abuse by a number of people, I had a traumativ time “coming out” to the people around me as they weren’t particularly supportive. All of these things slowly destroyed my faith in myself to the point where if I felt I couldnt do something, if there was a SLIGHT chance I would fail, I wouldn’t even try. For 7 years my eating disorder had progressed until I decided it was time to stop it. Its sad that the two options were suicide or recovery, and the latter seemed so impossible that I tried the former.. I survived and I’m so glad I did. Its worth it now. I’m glad I fought har din that darkest time because now, though its very difficult sometimes, I’m finding the time to fight for my self-esteem. I can look in the mirror and SEE the things I love about my body. I can feel confident with people in what I wear and how I act. Its just the little things, and people notice, and will help you along any way they can.

    Life is so worth it when you can see what worth life has.

    Marilyn xxx

  7. Gabi says:

    i used to be overweight but totally happy with myself. i had friends, was able to get guys….then one day my mum called me fat. everything from there went down hill. we once got into such an argument she held a knife up to me and threatened to stab me (not that she remembers). i used to come home from school and she would say “oh i have a left a present for you on your bed” so i would go upstairs and it would be an overeaters annoynmous leaflet. when i started loosing weight he friends would say how i have lost and infront of them i would get “oh has she? she looks the same”. and i was enever good enough for her academically either.

  8. wanderer says:

    I began to loose self-esteem starting around age 9 because of parents who criticized me and didn’t back up the legitimacy of my feelings in other situations. When something went wrong or another person misbehaved, it was because of something I did or an “attitude” I had. And there were many losses in life that only compounded the situation. Like Kay, I had some academic problems which made me feel worse because education and being intellectual was important to my family.

    It’s a wretched way to live.

  9. Christy says:

    I remember feeling insecure and self-conscious at a pretty young age. I figure it must have been around seven or eight when I started becoming very critical of myself. I am not sure why this happened. I do not recall a particular event or moment that lent the deterioration of my self-esteem. i’ve alwasy been introverted, for as long as I can remember, and I wonder if perhaps too much time spent alone in my thoughts has anything to do with it.

    MamaV, your daughter is beautiful, and I agree with marilyn that she is lucky to have you as a mother.

  10. Original Alexa says:

    First of all,……..WHO STOLE MY NAME???!!!!! haha…

    Well i never had self confidence, i remeber in kinder garden and elementary school my mom asking other girls to be my friends because i was shy, i just couldnt talk to nodoby there, i was just sitted in my chair whotout sayin a word….if the teacher said “Ale plese stay here” i was there until the teacher came back for me…i was really antisocial….i dont know what i would do whithout my mom, maybe i could never have any friend if it wasnt for her… she gave some some of the confidence i have now (obviously is not much, but she did what she could).

    in fact i never lose my self confidence, because i never had it. i have some now (not enough)

  11. Alyss says:

    I remember as a young girl, I tried everying, piano, gymnastics, dramatic arts… drawing… making friends. Just not caring what others thought… and doing well in what I wanted to. I miss those days, where I was myself…

    As I got older my step fathers’ over-bearing mental head games got to me, I couldn’t do anything right, nor could I develop my own sense of style because “everyone would think lesser of me for dressing in black”, or opinion – no matter what I thought of anything, it would be argued into the ground – he HAD to be right…

    After awhile I started to noticed I never looked perfect according to the television or magazines and everyone at school said I was weird and a loser… just for being myself.
    It’s like all those messages of “be myself” and “love who you are” were all lies as you grew older… just another childhood fantasy… just another dream.

    It’s just like the world says: If you aren’t how we tell you, you aren’t anyone.

  12. Sarah says:

    I have never had any self confidence. EVER!
    I feel like I don`t deserve to feel good about myself or feel self confident anyways though. I have the self esteem I deserve to have (very low)

  13. sIM'One. says:

    i think that self esteem is useless because it has little to you with your actual abilities. i don’t want to feel bad or good about myself, it keeps me from being objective. self esteem is a product of ego. these days people with big egos get all the attention. it’s really all nonsense. i think that people would be happier if they persue things that they enjoy doing rather than spending so much time on image. true character is developed as you experience life. it’s not a fixed collection of other people’s perceptions of who you are.

    “all you touch and all you see…is all your life will ever be”
    -pink floyd

  14. Kim says:

    Seeing the picture of your daughter made me cry. She really looks carefree and happy and I dont know if I have ever really felt that. Your daughter is lucky to have you. As far as self esteem, I think for me since abuse started so early in my life I never felt I could trust anyone and didnt tell because being adopted I thought (because my abuser told me so over and over again) that my parents would give me away if they ever found out because they would know that I was inherently bad especially since my “real” mom didnt even want me. I think my parents did well at showing me love and I feel I can love others unconditionally but I still feel there is a large part of me that believes I was born inherently bad and if I let people even my parents in too far they could hurt me or worse yet leave me. Thanks for sharing your pictures with us. Please let your daughter know she can trust you with anything and keep her safe. thanks

  15. Gina says:

    I honestly wish there was an injection that we could take that would give us self esteem.

    I’ve honestly never had it my whole life.
    When I was four years old I was standing in front of the mirror pulling on my stomach-arms-& legs.

    I’ve always wanted to be thin-which why I got my eating disorder so young.

  16. Alexa says:

    To Original Alexa:
    Alexandra is my baptist name, thx.

  17. E says:

    self esteem?? What does that feel like???

  18. Original Alexa says:

    Hey Alexa, this is so funny…

    Im Alexandra too…haha. i love you’re name by the way…
    Sorry if that previous post soud hangry or something, im not hangry at all, in fact i like to know other people with my name, i think its fun and strange to call other person with you’re own name.


  19. Jane says:

    I wish I could have a self-esteem injection… can I buy one on ebay lol!

    I don’t think I ever had a lot of self-esteem, not with my dad around anyway… I was never a particularly outgoing kid, always cared what others thought about me, and I never just let myself be “me” (whoever that is). I think my situation has possibly given some reason for my lack of self-esteem; I’ve always been in a situation where it’s been safer for me just to let people do what they want and just hide in the corner.

  20. Danyel says:

    I think I had self-esteem when I was a child. . . I was loud and obnoxious and all about limelight… then, um- about 13 years old for some reason it all ran down the drain. . . I wasn’t comfortable with my body or my weight. I remember in Therapy once in HS she asked me “Name 5 things you like about yourself” and I stared at her… and she said, “Nothing? Oh my gosh.. you have no self-esteem, we have to work on that”

  21. betty says:

    check out Jesus had a sister production – dana Wyse art – there are actualy pills like that. :-)) like “feel perfect” “be blonde” “have a happy childrenhoon memories” atc. that could be some kind of mascot for us :-) I have “Look good in your jeans” injection at home. :-)) (PS its just art, it doesnt realy work :-) )

  22. Angela says:

    I’ve never felt good about myself. I was always taught that I had to earn affection, and earn confidence, and earn love.

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