The Look of Love

So what is the look of love?

I am still pondering my last post about the reality show “Age of Love,” which uses the theme song called “Look of Love.”I’ll tell you what the real look of love is, I have been fortunate enough to have experienced it for the past 10 years of my life:

Waking up with rats nest hair and breath like a horse, to your husband’s dimpled smile as he delivers hot coffee and a strawberry smoothie to your bedside table. 

Having your husband hold your hair back, as you throw up in a big white plastic bowl, while sitting on the toilet, eight months pregnant with the dreaded flu. 

Your husband steamcleaning your daughter’s vomit off the hallway carpet at 3am , as you work to get her calmed down and cleaned up. He then instinctively comes in to help you peel off your wet, puke stained clothing, so he can get everything in the washing machine.

Him understanding, no questions asked, that you have to sleep in your baby son’s room on an army cot, because you are totally paranoid the baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night.

Agreeing you can live with less, so you can be with your children more.

No matter how tired he is, he checks to make sure you are ok before asking to take a break himself.

Him agreeing that when your parents age, they are welcome to come live in our home.

Naps. He lets you take lots of naps.

Now that is beauty,


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20 Responses to The Look of Love

  1. geekcritic says:

    I’m not a mother, and neither am I a husband but I can relate to your post.
    I can say that you are very lucky to experience these things you wrote. Many mothers live each day without the husband, or worse, that their husband hits them and treats them as property.
    Thank you, and be great.

  2. kay says:

    Mama V,

    That is awesome that you were able to find someone who loves you sincerely, and who cares about you so much.

    It’s funny to read that, because i am so anti-love. I have resigned myself to the fact that i will never be married, have kids or any of that stuff. I am 21, and have not even had a boyfriend let alone a first kiss.

    I mean guys try to talk to me, but i immediately put the brakes on and send them packing. I have always said that i am not capable of giving/receiving that type of love. In reality, i am scared to be loved..weird i know, but i have had some scary things happen when it came to me and men.

    How did you know that it was safe to let go of any trepidation you had and just dive in? Did you just automatically know?

    hope i am not prying too much,


  3. Joey says:

    that most certainly is beauty and love.

  4. Alexa says:

    That’s not only love.. that’s its true and deep love!!

  5. Hannah says:

    that made me smile!! :) perfect definition of true love.

  6. mamavision says:

    Hi Kay: You are not prying, thanks for asking!

    This is the honest truth…I knew the night I met my husband I would marry him. No lie, after about 2 hours of talking, I went into the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and instinctively just said to myself “This is it.”

    I dated ALOT, had one serious (druggy, loser) boyfriend all through high school (can’t imagine what life would have been with him). As you know I traveled all over, was streetwise, and not at all looking for “the one.”

    My husband was not only just purely attractive to me, he was gentle, and just had this demenour that killed me. He’s like this really foxy guy that is so humble.

    I always joke that it takes are really confident woman to be married to him because everywhere we go friends, relatives, old ladies are like “Wow! Your husband is so handsome and charming!”

    I always joke back, “Hey! What about me! I’m cute, I’m fun!”

    Do you know what I believe? That the right person comes along when you are ready. Even if you think you have your guard up… that person will walk right through it so I wouldn’t worry that you will miss a chance because you are not open to love.

    When you meet the right person, they are able to help you on the traits you need to work on and pump up your self confidence on the things that are great about you.

    So you are probably wondering if my husband knew I was the one he would marry? NO! He says he was too scared of me! Ha! What he means is that I was so confident and attractive to him , he didn’t I would love him.

    Thanks for letting me share,

  7. Christy says:

    Wow! You and your husband are so fortunate to have found each other and to share such a loving bond. You are an example to those of us who do not feel like this is possible that it certainly is. I hope to find someone who loves me as much as your husband loves you and to share my life with someone who accepts me wholeheartedly, despite my many flaws. It made me happy to read this post.

  8. Sarah says:

    you`re so lucky :)

  9. kay says:


    WOW !! i think the dichotomy between how men and women see each other is so evident in your story…by the way thanks for sharing. I love how he was sort of “afraid” of you at first.

    My mother always tells me that i tend to “scare” guys away. Why is that sometimes men can be scared of women who are confident in what they do? Case and point:

    While at a model united nations conference ( i’m a dork yes ) i was in chicago, and our hotel was downtown. Everyone went out and walked around. I met a guy and he must have been good, because he got past hello with me. (generally that is as far as i go)

    He asked what i was doing, and i told him i was here debating foreign policy, and basically pretending to be a diplomat at the model un. He asked what did i want to do, and i told him i really do in “real ” life want to be an ambassador. He replied and this is no joke: ” oh that’s really deep.” i asked what were his plans and he said ” umm just hanging out ”

    I hope that the right person does come along, but i wouldn’t hold my breath. I just have so much to achieve first. If i am going to be an ambassador turned secretary of state, i mean i can’t dilly dally around with joe, frank, and bob ( i give all guys either one of those names)

    Plus, i worry about the impact my eating disorder would have on a relationship. I know right now, i am definitely not in a place where i can love someone, because i am working on loving myself enough to take care of myself

    Oh and by the way i know it is a long way off, but when i become an ambassador you are totally coming to my confirmation ceremony.

  10. hagar says:

    hi mamav
    i am really sorry i’m always bugging you
    but yeah
    i sent you some messages you didn’t answer that’s ok i understand
    but i wanted to tell you something
    i’ve been really inspired by your blog
    i really love it (ur blog) and i admire you for your courage and knowledge
    so i thought writing is good for recovery
    i should open a blog too
    of course my blog is on a different level (lower than yours) but i thought maybe you would be interested to see it? i’ve just opened it so there’s not a lot… but i am going to try and write daily
    this is it:

    i hope you enjoy reading it
    u can leave a comment if you want to

  11. Charlotte says:

    I showed this to my fiance and he said that is exactly what love is. I feel so lucky to finally have found someone like my fiance. He does everything for me. He just gave up a very high paying job to move back to Wisconsin because I was so unhappy living in Colorado. He moved out there after graduation from college and I moved to be with him a few months later. I know when I have someone special because I can’t find anything that I rather not live with about him. I’ve dated so many guys and every one of them had something I couldn’t live with. This is the first guy that my dad loves. My dad has never thought any guy I went out deserved to be with me until now.

    I just recently talk to an old friend. He is in a horrible marriage. He is also a very stubborn person. He keeps telling me that getting married is the biggest mistake anyone could make because every marriage goes bad. People change when they get married. He told me that he felt the same way I do right now before he got married. My parents have been together all their lives and they are happy together. Why do people try and ruin something so special just because they don’t have it. I told him he can change his life and become happy. He told me that I don’t know the situation so I shouldn’t talk. But yet he can tell me that my marriage is going to fall apart because his is.

    When I read this post I actually started to cry because it so wonderful to hear how happy you are. I agree with you on why would anyone want to make a fool out of themselves by throwing themselves at someone on National TV.

    I’ve only posted a couple of comments but I’ve never thanked you for your support to everyone who comes here.

  12. PrincessAmie says:

    hey mama
    how are you? I just got back from a weekend away with this boy… hmm it was nice. we stayed in a four and a half star hotel and went out clubbing on friday night… i ate dinner on friday night, i had a late breakfast on saturday and i also ate dinner, and today i ate dinner… so im eating more than i have eated in a long time! I didnt throw up or take laxatives all weekend because i didnt want Jye to find out..
    anyways it was a great weekend… just wanted to tell you… oh im seeing that psyc tomorrow…
    ill let you know how that goes

  13. PrincessAmie says:

    Hey MamaV

    I wished i lived in america when you can access your counsellor 24 hours a day… i threw up 2 times tonight, i threw up blood, i think i’m just being a little to rough on my throat, i dont think its anything serious. I dont know me anymore… i have made up this story in my head, and i have been telling myself things, making myself believe that i am in control and that i am happy, making myself believe that i am fine, i have been acting fine, i have been telling everyone and showing everyone that i am fine, balanced and happy. I am happy mama, well i think i am, but if i were fine, happy and balanced i wouldnt be sticking my fingers down my throat making myself be sick. i dont know what i feel… i do feel happy… nah i dont, im even lieing to you… i cant be real with anyone, i cant be real with you, i like it when people think im happy, people change and treat me differently when they think im happy… even my counsellor… you can hear it in her voice, she is different when she thinks im happy. i dont know, i dont know what to say, its like i have been telling myself, be happy, smile, think positive… i feel like im living a lie! I am happy… i think im happy, but than i feel sad, but i dont know if i am sad or just making myself feel sad… im not to sure… i feel like i am going insane! I have so much anxiety, i am seeing a psychiritrist tomorrow at 9am… anyways i dont know what to do

  14. hagar says:

    hi amie =]
    it’s ok…
    sometimes i feel so hyper and feel like i can’t stop moving and smiling that i think, look, i am a happy person, i am just making myself miserable, i have to stop this and just be happy. but then i am sad again, and depressed and in despair and then hapiness seems so far away….
    idk i just wanted to let you know that more people feel like that, i know it can make you feel as if you’re crazy!
    btw i’d like it if you checked out my blog

    byee xoxo

  15. Carol says:

    How about my husband, who changed my tampons for three months in a row after a bad car accident when my right wrist, my left leg, shoulder, and pelvis were broken? This from a man who doesn’t even like to be in line at the grocery store with me when I’m buying tampons. THAT is love!

  16. mamavision says:

    Hi Hagar: Just posted to your blog. Talk to you soon.

  17. mamavision says:

    Ok Carol, that beats my stories! It’s like the total reality of life when you talk about these things, isn’t it?

    That’s why its so hard to see girls so miserable, that they can’t see that there are friends and perhaps even a partner out there for them. Yes it matters how you look, but it matters less and less as you age and real marriage weathers all these changes.

    Thanks for posting your story!
    Take care!

  18. mamavision says:

    Hi Charlotte: So nice to hear from someone who knows! Also, I am a Milwaukee girl…with all the traveling I have done in my lifetime, this is home. Nothing and nowhere even comes close to how I feel when I am here. Glad you made it back!

    Take care!

  19. HAGAR says:

    hi mamav
    em btw i know i sound really dramatic, it’s stupid i know, i just think that’s ok if it’s in a blog, no one i know has to see it. i showed it to my friend, now i don’t want her to see it anymore, so i changed the adress to:

    i just realised that your real name is heather. i wanted to say that is so right for you, heather sounds like something protective and soft. lol.

    em I also left this comment at my blog, just leaving it in both places, not sure where you’ll check.

    yes i would really really like to chat with you, privately…
    my email is:
    just so you know =D

    thank you mamav =]
    i do remember that you are not a proffesional, but to be honest you help me more than a proffesional.
    i will answer your questions when we talk =]
    thank you for commenting
    i’m sorry i’m such a nagger hehe

  20. sIM'One. says:

    when my hubby greets me at the door with a delicious bowl of his wonderful vegetable soup and then sits down to his keyboard and improvises a song about me :)
    love love love
    all you need is love, love is all you need :)

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