It ain't pretty.

In the last post Be A Troll, I challenged parents to go to Pro Anorexia web sites and surf around.

In the same post, I asked those of you that visit these sites to post your reasons for doing so, along with information on how you do or do not have your parents support.

The results are pathetic.

Over 40 posts, 35+ are from girls with eating disorders. Where the hell are the parents?


The two parents that posted, basically tried to tell me how wrong I am with this blog, and how much harm I am doing by supporting the belief that parents may play a role in eating disorder. One even got so ticked, she stomped her feet and said she’s not coming back.

Ummm, all you have to do is read this damn blog to know that parents do play some sort of role here. Do you think these girls are making up this misery?

Before you get blinded by your anger, let me restate where I stand:

Anorexia, and eating disorders are mental diseases (for the most part).

Restricting food is about control not about looking good (sometimes, but doesn’t explain Thinspiration).

Parents are not the cause of eating disorders (but they can play a part).

Societies obsession with beauty and body image is creating an entirely different sort of eating disorder….this is at the heart of why I am here.


Girls, I am sorry. No wonder why some of you feel no support. No wonder why you surf these sites incessantly. No wonder why you ask me, a non-expert, for help.

What about my parents? 

One word – awesome. Both of them. Totally supportive then, now and always. Neither had anything at all to do with my disordered eating.

In fact, my 68 year old father came over today to pick my son up for swimming. He sat down and told me he spent some time trolling pro-anorexia sites and watching thinspiration videos.  He said he literally felt sick to his stomach because this is so sad.


It ain’t pretty out here parents, but the longer you stick your head in the damn sand the more I feel alone in this effort.

Crap, I think its time for the mamaV superhero outfit (inside joke for PTC!). Let’s vote on color and style.


Love you all, have a great weekend.



This entry was posted in Eating Disorders, Pro Anorexia. Bookmark the permalink.

82 Responses to It ain't pretty.

  1. Gina says:

    I just want to say first off.
    I love your blog. I love to come to a blog that is full of recovery tips and stuff. I’m sick of looking a proana web sights for answers. I can come to your blog and search for possitive answers. You’re blog up lifts me.
    My mom knows i’ve been losing weight but hasn’t seemed to cared. She just says one step at a time. So I guess instead of pushing me this time she is trying to be there for me, but right now I think I could use a good kick in the ass…

  2. hannah says:

    there is no way i would tell my mom about the pro-ana sites. she would freak out and never let me go on the computer ever again. she doesnt even like that i go online to begain with. resently she told me i better be good because she didnt want me to ruin her vacation. so iam on my best behavior and eating, but it hurt that she said that. when iam in the hospital shes always there but i dont think she gets it, and showing her things online….well it wont work, shes computerphobic and well i hide every thing i do and look at online. but i bet if i told her about your site she would be happy that i come here but then comes “i thought you got over not eating” so its kinda lose lose situation? all i know is she would be really glad theres some one out there like you helping girls like me. so thanks alot from me and from my mom even though she doent know she thanking you. iam not sure that makes much sence.

  3. Melissa says:

    That’s pathetic.

    Hannah- I’m sorry that your mom doesn’t understand. Seeing as how she can’t seem to understand your ED, try understanding her ignorance and just accept it. Some people never understand.

    I hope you and Gina both find the help you need to get better. ♥

    Gina- *kicks you in the ass* ;D Maybe SHE’s the one who needs a swift kick in the bum to wake her up? Sit her down and talk to her about it, for real. Hold nothing back. That’s all I can think of. Be blunt.

    Either one of you can email me anytime. My email’s been up and working for a while now.

    Take care of yourselves. ♥


  4. naomi says:

    parents play a significant role in eating disorders. i can’t believe that they would think ohterwise. how many mothers go on about how they need to lose a few pounds, about how so-and-so looks so wonderful since they dropped the 4 pounds or ridicule someone else for being overweight?

    the perceptions about weight, the obsession over thinness, isn’t something new to our society. that’s been around since i was a kid (i’m 46). i rmember feeling the pressure to be thin, to fit in and to diet. i was one of the lucky ones who was encouraged to eat more healthfully and get a bit of exercise rather than diet. however, one of my friends was continually told what a tub she was by her parents…she was actually underweight…and was continually on a diet.

  5. wanderer says:

    MV, have a nice weekend. Your blog has inspired me to reflect on my experience with anorexia and to raise awareness, be an advocate in my way. I’ve looked at the pro-ana sites and am distressed at how little has changed since my experience 20 years ago as a teen. I really feel for the girls who are lonely, suffering, and expressing themselves in the only way they know how.

  6. vachon says:

    Whoa. As someone with a life threatening, chronic eating disorder for 45 of my 52 years, I can assure you this is a genetic/hardwiring illness. Period. End of story.

    There are people with “situational” eating problems that are environmentally caused and are treated by removing the person from that environment. These people may be encouraged to practice their dysfunctional eating by parents, relatives, teachers, boyfriends and the media. However, their chances for recovery are good when removed from one or all of these forces.

    For the true, hard-wired addict, recovery statistics are grim. Environment plays a big roll, but treatment, on-going group therapy and medicine will play an important part in their lives for months and years to come. I know. Been there, doing that for 17 years, one day at a time. Even got the big-shot university degree in it.

    Getting help is key for all of us, but getting appropriate help is just as important.

  7. Nats says:

    Im sick of people seeing what they want to to see, parents you all need to wake up and OPEN YOUR EYES!! Seeing what you want to see will only get you so far, when all you need to do is actually see what is right in front of you!

    I am still at a clinc for getting help with my ED, I got diagnosed yesterday with Borderline Personality Disorder.

    My mother has phoned me once while I was here and I will tell you all now that she has no idea what is going on with me! She thought I was on holiday and when told exactly where I was she said ” I can tell your upset, phone me when you get home”
    These words for me were like a knife going into my heart, I thought maybe out of all people my mother would be there for me, understand maybe, even give me a hug and say “ill be there for you always” BUT NO!
    I am not blaming my parents for my eating disorder so dont think i am, its not in my family at all. BUT i am blaming her for the way she is being now, she like so many other parents are either blind and cant see what the problem is, or is in fact not willing to accept what is going on with their children.

    There is always a reason as to why people get eating disorders, always! It doesn’t just happen for no reason, and if you dont realise what is going on chances are you are going to lose your child/children in so many ways!

    Joey, Melissa, Emily, all of you, I would not be wher eI am now if it wasn’t for you guys, I love you all so so so much. You are the only family I need the rest of them can get lost, dont need them.

    Isnt it sad when girls who are younger and older then me can help me and understand me when people who claim they care and claim to be my parents are no where to be seen????

    Nats x

  8. Jane says:

    MamaV – I think your superhero outfit should be really unconventional… go for flourescent … stand out and catch peoples attention lol!

    It’s so sad that so few parents seem to be taking any responsibility for their kids. Even if they dont believe that parents can influence their children, I’d have thought that they would want to wake up to the pro-ana world… it’s a pretty big thing to ignore.

    I find it somewhat ironic that parents are willing to accept that kids who are abused or witness abuse in their family, quite often become abusers, yet wont accept this theory. Hmmm…. parents really do need to wake up.

    MamaV, your one voice has changed the lives of so many of us FOR THE BETTER, so I’m not really sure where these parents are getting their strange conceptions about you having a negative affect! You are inspiring to us all, and as previously said, this is really the one place we all have to turn to for love, support and genuine care.

    Nats, I agree with you, it is horrible to know that the people who should care, dont, yet the people here who we dont know, do. That hurts soooo much. You’re a fantastic inspiration and Im so glad you are still fighting for recovery :o)

    Love you all x x x x

    P.S. I’m going on vacation to England on Tuesday (to visit my real mum and two little brothers – one who i havent even met yet) for the first time in two years. Im terrified since not only do i have the ED to try deal with, but I have to face an uncle who abused me and raped me for eight years…. terrified. :o/

  9. Nats says:


    where abouts in england are you going? im in england too!! DONT GO NEAR THAT UNCLE!! Stay as far away from him as possible, please hun just dont go if it means you seeing him again. Does anyone know about what he did??

  10. Joey says:

    Great outfit MamaV!!!

    Nats – you’re in England?!?! Me too!!! Bet i’m damn far away though…gloucestershire.

    I guess anyone reading this is closely affected by EDs, mainly sufferers, and the parents here have kids with EDs and therefore the blame aspect is a hurtful spot for them, and as parents they’re looking in at themselves and not at all parents.
    I guess what’s needed is for parents who do not have children with EDs (to their knowledge) to know these things, but they have no reason to be here reading.

  11. I think yellow needs to be part of the outfit because that’s my favorite color! HA! 😉

  12. Gina says:

    Okay so I got a big kick in the ass my mom mom when I woke up. She made me eat breakfast. Looks like the mom I really know is back.
    I feel horrible though b/c I stressed her out. I know I shouldn’t be worrying about her right now b/c I have enough on my mind with just trying to eat, but I feel resposible about how she feels.
    I am freaking about about breakfast non stop. I haven’t been like this for so long.
    What the hell is wrong with me?

  13. wanderer says:

    Nats, I’ve had a similar experience. It does suck. My friends helped me more, too.

    Jane, stay strong and enjoy the positives of your trip.

    Gina, maybe you’re freaking out because your mind is trying hard to figure out the dynamic between yourself and your mother. EDs can be the manifestation of power and communication struggles.

  14. Jane says:

    Nats I have to go! And, I want to go… I really want to be able to prove that he cant hurt me anymore and that I am stronger and in control. Even though Im not, I want to make him feel like I am! I want to prove that I’m a better person that he is. People know, but most deny it, my mum is ace and I hope will keep an eye out for me since she is the only one who believes me :o) Thanks wanderer, Im gunna enjoy it as much as i can… im going to have fun and go to a spa… lol…. in a bikini…. it’s all gunna be tough, but I’ll keep my head up *gulps*

    I’m going to Herefordshire (Joey – I’m going to Gloucester one day with two of my cousins!) its a tiny little place that most people haven’t ever heard of though :o/

    You know what, Joey is right… everyone who is affected by an ED and its consequences are subject to bias, but at least we as sufferers accept our role in things…. parents have to do the same whether they like it or not.

  15. joely black says:

    I’m back again! It took my mother a long time to realise that the way she obsessively dieted and based her whole life on whether or not she’d lost or gained a pound inspired me to choose anorexia as a solution to my problems. There’s more to it than that, but I’ve noticed in the last year or so how paranoid parents are to acknowledge their own culpability. In the end, we have to move beyond blaming each other, because healing lies far beyond that.

  16. CuriousVisitor says:

    I have a question for you MamaV, and the rest of you ladies. I understand that much of ED has a genetic component, but how much of it do you think is caused/triggered by narssicistic/self-centered parents? Not to use those terms critically, but as a way to define behavior. That is as a bid to win attention/approval from parents who just aren’t paying attention.

    Second question, to go along with the first, how old are your visitors (roughly, not specifics, late teens, early twenties) and how old are their parents?

    Thanks for letting me ask. Fabulous website, keep up the good fight!

  17. mamavision says:

    Hi Gina: Thanks for the compliments! So you need a good kick in the ass? I’m available :)

    Let me get this straight, why does your mom say “one step at a time?”

    Why do you say you “need a kick in the ass?”

    What I am hearing is that your mom has no idea the severity of what you are going through. My mom didn’t either, I had to totally break down and tell her. My mom is THE most intiative, caring, loving mom…and even she didn’t realize the extent of how I was suffering.

    I like to tell girls this because if my mom did not “get it” I don’t know how any mom would. She was so in tune with me, but yet on the outside I was not showing how bad I was feeling about myself, and struggling with those incessant food thoughts.

    Can you tell your mom how bad it is right now? If no, why not?

  18. mamavision says:

    Naomi: THANK YOU! When I read your post and your age, I was like thank god there are some other adults coming around to fess up to this. The weight, fat, diet talk is prevelant at every family gathering across this entire screwed up country. We act like its normal, or funny, or just part of life….but I am here to say that it does not have to be.

    It takes one women at a time to stop those types of conversations around the dinner table, with their friends, etc. and more of our girls will grow up healthy. If you think of all your friends, how many have a good body image and watch what they say around their daughters?

    I would say all my friends watch there mouths with me because they know I will go through the roof!

    Take care and I hope you stick around to post more often!

  19. mamavision says:

    Hi Wanderer: Great to hear you are inspired! 20 years of suffering? God bless you. The knowledge and wisdom you hold in your head right now could help so many girls who are just starting down this lonely, horrible path.

    Question, why do you say things have not changed? I agree that anorexia, as a mental disease has not changed, but I believe that there is an entirely different disease emerging with roots in the media. I have no doubt that models, hollywood, and our obsession with beauty and thinness is just corrupting our minds (all of us, not just teens). Do you agree?


  20. mamavision says:

    PTC: I was laughing so hard when I grabbed that superhero image. First, nice bod. That is EXACTLY how I would look :)

    Second, I just pictured if I just totally lost it and started strutting around in an outfit like that. Hey, in this country, it would probably be a great marketing ploy.

    Ok you are in charge…if you flip on my you tube videos one day and I’m wearing a mask…call the cops.


  21. mamavision says:

    Hi CuriousVisitor: Good questions.

    I would say there is no average age of the visitors to this site, but I would break it out this way:
    40% 15-18
    40% 19-25
    20% 25-45

    Interesting to think about the age of the parents…I am soon to be 38 and my parents are late 60s. So, I would guess girls who are under 20, have parents who are mid 40s.

    Your question made me realize something, in my head when I am writing I am visualizing the parents older, 50 or so. If the parents are mid 40s…this is basically my generation. So why are they not in touch?

    You just gave me a great idea for a blog post, thanks! And please come back with some more wisdom!

  22. Hey Mama V! HA HA!! I think I saw you in the Hamptons today. HA HA. I said to my friend, a fellow mama v blog reader, “Hey, is that mama v?” :)

  23. mamavision says:

    Hi Jane! You have a major trip ahead of you, I don’t know how you even prepare for such a meeting.

    Are you in a position that you must see your Uncle? Perhaps you are thinking it would be good to face him…I don’t know, but I am thinking if you believe this is not healthy for you, find a way to avoid him. I just hate to think of you being forced to see him face to face if this is not what you want. YOU are in charge, don’t do anything you don’t want to, don’t let your mother or any other relative guilt trip you into it.

    I know I am making a lot of assumptions here, but I just read your post and it is upsetting. I just want to make sure you keep your chin up and remember you are in control of your life and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

    Remember he should be in jail. He is a weak, loser. You are a survivor, and you are perservering through it all, you should be so proud!

    Don’t let him or anyone else in your life tell you what to do in this situation.


  24. mamavision says:

    Hi Vachon: Agreed, and thank you for your comment. The caveat is that its a new world out there. Eating disorders as you have defined 100% hardwired. Thinspiration/ProAna eating disorders? Something else entirely.

    Will you do me a favor? Go to youtube and type in Thinspiration and Pro Ana. Watch the videos the girls are creating, the text and music they put to the videos and come back with your comments. Of course I am assuming you are not familiar with the proana movement when I ask this.

    If you are already well versed in the topic, please send your point of view.
    Thank you, and take care of yourself.

  25. Gina says:

    Well today my mom gave me a good kick in the ass except it wasn’t how I wanted it to be. She yelled at me.
    Like my mom has riteraly saved my life. She use to get it but now that I’m in the process in recovery she doesn’t seem to get that I’m gonna fall back down but get back up.
    I dont know.
    And it doesn’t help I’m not being honsest with her I guess.

  26. wanderer says:


    Thank you for your message. My 20 rough years were a mix of on and off-again EDs and depression. But I pulled through, got my happiness and health back, and am now thinking about how I can make a contribution to education about anorexia and EDs. I hope I can dig out that knowledge and wisdom : )

    And about how things have or have not changed: when I wrote that, I meant that the suffering was the same–I read these pro-ana boards, I can recall my anorexic teen self again and understand what they’re talking about. But I do agree with what you mean about a newer, more vicious influence on eating disorder emerging in the 21st century, because media is now so ubiquitous, with more and more publications, cable tv, the internet, etc. There is also more of a “celebrity culture” now than there ever was. I can’t think of many actresses or models (besides Twiggy) who were obsessively photographed and featured for being thin in previous decades like they are today.

  27. Jane says:

    Thanks MamaV – I don’t really want to see him since I am scared I’ll let something happen, but I can’t really avoid it. I have a family reunion to go to, and I can’t let one person stop me seeing the rest of my family. I haven’t really prepared myself for it, I just have to keep reminding myself of how far I’ve come since then and how much stronger I am (or am meant to be anyway). I know that this could lead to a recession in terms of my progress, but it could also be something that gives me some power back in my life. I don’t know, I’ll face it with my head as high as I can get it and my mind set on how much I have achieved since then!

    CuriousVisiter – My parents are pretty young – 35 and 36 and I’m 18 (in 19days lol) so I’d have thought that they would be aware of this sort of thing… but they aren’t – or maybe they are and have chosen to ignore it? It’s strange… would make a good post MamaV :o)

    Gina – sorry your mum was like that to you; maybe you should explain to her something about the process of recovery – it’s a long process and a lot of people seem to think that as soon as you are IN recovery, you are miraculously recovered. Hope you’re okay :o)

    Love Jane x

  28. Chelsey says:

    MamaV, is there any way we can speak privately? My e-mail address is I would appreciate it more than you could know. I am struggling so much right now.

  29. Ruth says:

    I go to what’s CALLED a pro-ana site.
    It’s actually not, it’s actually a pro-support site. It won’t preach if I don’t feel like following the meal plan, but it will congratulate me if I’ve been healthy for awhile, too.
    My parents DO actually know about it, but they only got told about it…they never actually saw it themselves…
    I’m so glad, because I wouldn’t be able to say a thing if they were there…a lot of my life issues involve them, and they have NEVER understood my eating disorder or accepted it or helped me with it…they tried to STOP me being hospitalised when I was dying, and when they’re not pretending it doesn’t exist I’m being told it’s all for attention.
    It’s really not maybe the best idea telling parents to go visit these sites…for some of us, it’s the only place we can go to be ourselves…and it doesn’t mean making everyone sicker, it’s just about…being understood. I can understand wanting parents to know what damage their kids are going, but don’t even children need privacy?
    At any rate, I hope MY parents don’t read this.

  30. -Jen- says:

    What? MamaV a superhero? YES!!!! The superhero MamaV needs to be in NYC sometime between July 13-16! PTC and I may need rescuing! LOL!

  31. Lumpy says:

    I moved out when my father tried to keep me away from… PASS.

    But it’s not really pro, it’s just called pro, so eh. Sometimes these sites can function as a life saver. I really think it’s a good idea to examine your child’s posts at any pro-board you find on their computer, and take a look at what he/she is saying, consider what they are going through, and try to find a way to help them… you know, don’t approach it like they did something wrong, he/she will feel backed into a corner and even less in control than he/she already does.

    Thinspiration though… I think it’s that it becomes a tangible thing to focus on.

  32. Lumpy says:

    P.S. I think your videos are lovely!

  33. Gertrude McFlabbadon says:

    Lumpy is lumpy!

  34. Gertrude McFlabbadon says:

    In a good way!

  35. PrincessAmie says:

    mama can i ask a question…

    are u like saying that the people who go to the pro ana sites dont really have an eating disorder… like are they just wanting one.. i dont get it.. im a little confused… i go to those websites… but i have an eating disorder… well do i? im confused, now im like questioning myself…
    mama, im finding it hard… i just want to be able to talk to someone and have them not think that im attention seeking and i dont want to freak them out… its like my ed and i live a seperate life, i just want someone else to join my life, my ed is like a person, a friend and she isnt always nice to me.. i just want someone to talk to..

  36. Yeah Mama V!! If you’re in NYC between the 13-16, Jen and I will definitely need some rescuing. :)

  37. Alyah says:

    Hey mamavision.

    i am trying to loose some weight, im not comfortable with how i look, im not going to post how big i am, even though im not that big, but yeah, its just personal.
    im not extremely overweight, but i am a little over what they call healthy.
    i never wanted to do extreme diets, or have any eating disorders at all.

    im looking to loose about 20 pounds, maybe 15. so i cant fit back into my size 8 jeans! =p.
    im not very athletic at all, but i do ride my bike often.
    i was wondering if you could email me and give me some advice on what would be a healthy diet for my type of personality?

    id really apprecait it!!! thank you so much.
    keep blogging! youre saving lifes!

  38. jade says:

    hi…i just randomly came across your site, and i have to say, your blogs made me really angry…well, not ME necessarily, but some deep part of me. not at you, but at the people who are so uneducated. you said that you were surprised that the parents didn’t respond to your push to go troll pro-ed sites…but i can’t see anyone in my family doing that. i am not pro-ed, and my mother just found out (about a week ago) that i have been diagnosed with an eating disorder and ASSUMED that i just sat around looking at “thinspiration” and visiting pro-eating disorder sites and that i was INDULGING myself in this. i think that all the people on the internet with pro-ed sites that have sparked this recent eating disorder hype are not only hurting themselves, but making it so much harder on those who have true eating disorders. i do understand that denial is the nature of the eating disorder’s power, and that many of these girls probably DO have an ED and convincing themselves that it’s their CHOICE (like every classic anorexic or bulimic) allows them to feel okay about continuing the behaviors.

    but because of these pro-ed sites, eating disorders have now taken on the appearance of being self-indugent, selfish, and vain. which is EXACTLY the image a person with a true eating disorder fears most. all i am trying to say is that i blame these sites, however rightfully or wrongfully, for making it harder for my family to understand. it’s hard enough, without enforcing the mislead belief that this was my CHOICE. choosing recovery IS my choice, hard though it may be to choose, but i DID NOT DECIDE TO HAVE AN EATING DISORDER. there. i said it.

    and i am so torn right now between wanting life and giving up. every day is just too freaking much.

    thank you (from my heart) for allowing me a safe space to say all this. keep up the amazing site and mission.


  39. PrincessAmie says:


    your e-mail said it all…


    Love Amie xoxox

  40. Alexa says:

    Hey Jane!!

    ijust saw your post about you speak spanish too, im soo glad that im not alone here… i was afraid to say that, because like i said, once i say that im mexican, nobody answer anymore…


    Didyou really tought that parents will be trolling Pro Ana sites? most of the parents are not aware about their kids having this kind of issues… and the few ones that knows, the last thing they want its see all this shoking stuff, and imagine their kids in that situation, they’re just too afraid…

  41. Nathalie says:

    I thought vachon hit the nail right on the head. It is hardwired/genetic.

    I agree there are those who take a diet and go too far. They get treatment, take pills, recover and life gets better. There are others who regardless of all the pills and treatment it never changes.

    Very well put vachon!!

  42. hannah says:

    ok so i was a little blunt when i said “hell no would i tell my mother about pro-ed sites ” i know it would be a good idea to tell my mom about all of this, yet iam a little hesitent because i have tryed talking to her about it and i cant seem to get her to understand very well. i have come to find that hospital staff are not sending the same message as you are but they are better at geting through to my mom. i am not good at talking, verbaly. i have all the ideas in my head but even when i right out what i want to tell my mom i cant seem to give it to her. i know she needs to know this, but……yeah with me theres always a but, iam not sure what her reaction would be and iam not exactly jumping at the bit to find out.

  43. vachon says:


    Yes, I’m acquainted with pro-ana/mia web sites and youtube thinspiration videos.

    Here’s my point: someone who has a “situational” drinking problem (they just lost a job, their spouse, their child, for example) will behave and drink “alcoholically” for a time, whether weeks, months or even years. At some point they will stop on their own, pick themselves up and get back to living their lives. No amount of Budwieser, Miller or Coors commercials and advertisements is going to make this person a hard wired alcoholic. It will only influence what brand they drink while they are drinking “alcoholicly”. And this is precisely why these companies have advertising budgets.

    A hard wired alcoholic cannot make the decision to start their drinking. It was and is inevitable. No amount of advertising, neon signage or grocery store displays will or can change this. Furthermore, these ads and displays cannot be avoided, even for the recovering alcoholic. They are ubiquitous. But they do not cause anyone to become an alcoholic, nor do they cause relapse in someone recovering. But they will reinforce an already made decision to drink or resume drinking.

    Thinspiration sites are used by situational and hard-wired eating disorder people. The difference is that situational eaters will eventually stop their behavior and abandon those sites on their own. For people with hard-wired eating disorders, I’m afraid those sites are a symptom of a much more medically complex issue. They do not cause nor can they be held responsible for causing ana/mia behavior. They only offer the same false sense of the pleasures that awaits that behavior, much the same as an ad for Coors. They can also reinforce an already made decision to starve/purge or begin starving/purging again.

    I applaud your work for the simple reason that anything that gives encouragement to people to enter recovery for ana/mia behaviors is to be hailed. But be careful not to blame the “symptom” for causing the behavior. I’m afraid addiction, and that’s what this is, an addiction, is a complicated hard-wired medical issue that I hope will be fully understood our lifetime.

  44. Nats says:


    You would be surprised to find how close we actually are to eachother. Im in Hertfordshire. xx

  45. Snotrawket says:

    I never knew there were “pro-anorexia” sites. To me that is like making a pro-cigerette smoking site. or a pro-jumping-off-a-cliff site. Oh and I am sure there is at least one lol.

    Than again, I smoke marijuana. I often visit pro-marijuana sites and find it makes me feel better about doing the behaviour of marijuana smoking. In fact the culture of marijuana smokers is at least as pervasive in my minds eye as the “just say no” culture.

    I don’t know if marijuana smoking is an illness or a lifestyle choice. Clearly it has some negative impacts on me (even if its just artifical negatives created by prhoibition), but not death. Despite the cost I still do it though because its rewarding to me in some way.

  46. mamavision says:

    You two will have a blast! Need some tips on where to go, what to do? I lived in NYC and travel there often (won’t be there the same week as you though :(

    Let me know if you want a list of great shopping spots to go, another fun thing is the outdoor markets going on all summer long.


  47. Christy says:

    Hi mama, sorry to bother you with this, but i need help badly right now. i don’t know what to do.

  48. Gina says:

    Okay so I know what to do but I’m to scared to do it.
    I’ve been binging and purging every night.
    I say tomorrow is going to be the last day for it but what I do I end up doing it.
    I can’t tell my parents cause my mom will fall to the ground.
    She can’t take purging b/c I have an esphogus problem that can cause cancer if i keep purging. My hear rate is dropping and they still have know clue that I’mpurging!?
    I’m just scared that they’ll find out.
    I dont know how to tell them.
    Should i just start off saying I had an episode of binging and purging last night. But if I tell one tiem then I’ll spill my guts. I’ll be grounded for like a month!

  49. Nats says:

    Christy hun are you ok?

  50. Oh yeah, Mama V. I plan on taking Jen to the street fairs and the farmers market in Union Sq. I’ll show her all the hot spots!! :) I’d like to avoid Times Sq. but I feel like I should show her it so she can say she’s been there, ya know? I personally hate that area.

    Too bad you won’t be there when we’re there. I’m there all the time though, Mama V. You’ll have to let me know when you’ll be there. :)

  51. PrincessAmie says:

    hey mama…
    i fainted earlier tonight… the thing is it seem sus right, i was in my bedroom doing sit ups… i did like 160 anyways i had the recorder thing on because i was trying to see how big i was… its stupid i know… anyways i freaked out when i woke up i was crying anf stuff because i hit my head and neck on the door and it really hurt… anyways about 2 hours later i spoke to my sister about it (she is a recovering anorexic) we sat outside talking and i was crying etc… anyways she fricken posted the video on youtube… i feel so sad because i dont know her password and she wont take it off, she said that its funny and she wants people to see it… im so afriad that someone i know will see it… i am so sad that my sister thinks this is a game… its so not, im in pain, not only physically but mentally and emotionally… what can i do mama… i feel terrible… im so afriad of someone seeing it… it looks so suss….
    please write back

  52. PrincessAmie says:

    oh i stood up to fast and i got a little dizzy… i have been feeling a little dizzy the past couple of days… and yeah thats why i fainted….

    i feel like an idiot!!!!

  53. Christy says:


    Yes, I am okay. Sorry if I worried you. Lately my depression has gotten worse. I’ve completely isolated myself the past couple of weeks, hardly ever leaving my apartment. Last night, my thoughts were going crazy and I felt very afraid and didn’t know what to do. I ended up taking something to help me sleep and woke up today feeling better. Again, sorry to have posted that comment. I didn’t want to worry anyone. I’m fine. Thanks for caring though.

    How are you? I hope well.

  54. erin elizabeth says:

    i was searching today for proana sights. your u-tube video popped up and i watched the whole thing. i wish i could buy commercial time during the super-bowl to air your video. you are awesome. i am 24 years old and am anorexic. i have been seeing a therapist, a nutirtionist and a doctor. i am on anti-depressants becuase i have become very depressed, i have struggled with this my whole life. i cut and over exercise. i loved your video becasuse it lets people know there is good help out there. my problem right now is that i want help but no one in my family has the money to get me the help i need. where do you turn when there is no money?? it has been so frustrating and has made the anorexia and depression even worse and i am beginning to loose all hope of getting healthy agian.

  55. Nats says:


    Im glad to hear your ok hun, you had me worried there x
    If you ever want to talk then im here for you hun ok?!

    Im not good at mo hopefully wont be that way for much longer, think i know how to sort this once and for all now.

    Christy, Joey, Emily, everyone…. Love you all to bits and you will one day beat this hell your going through.

    Nats xx

  56. Joey says:

    Hey :)

    I’m very bored this evening, which is not good – boredom is often a precusor to bingeing and/or pro-ana sites. I’ve spent all day reading and online, and it’s raining outside *sigh*. I especially can’t binge now because i’ve reached my recovery goal weight…and going over that…ARGH!

    Nats – hold in there, i hope you’re okay. So cool that we don’t live THAT far apart!! xx

    PrincessAmie – look after yourself! I strongly recommend not fasting because it’s really unhealthy, and as much as 90% of the weight you lose is muscle (including your heart muscle) which slows your metabolism and of course doesn’t really make you thin! I’ve fainted hundreds of times, so you have my sympathy. Ignore your sister – she sounds awful. And don’t worry too much about the video – there’s so many videos on youtube, the chances of someone you know seeing it is tiny. xx

    Gina – i really recommend you tell someone, like your doctor, about the purgeing. They may be able to help you stop. It sounds like your mum really doesn’t understand your problem.. i wonder if you got some info about it to explain it better? It’s not like you’re choosing consciously to b/p, and it’s not like you can just ‘snap out of it’. I have some tips about how to give up purgeing here, about halfway down the page. xx

    Christy – glad you’re okay now. You have my sympathy, depression is awful. xx

  57. Nats says:

    Take care all of you. You will always be with me xxxxx

  58. Christy says:

    Jane, I am sorry to hear that you’re not feeling so good right now, but I liked the part about you knowing how to sort things out once and for all. I know you can and will sort it all out and live the happy, healthy life you deserve! I am also here if you need to talk so please don’t hesitate. I love you too and hope you’re having a wonderful day.

    Joey, thank you.

    Hope everyone is well.

  59. Jan says:

    i’ve found that my father just has no interesting in understanding my eating disorder. he would rather ignore it and pretend it does not exist. however, that is how he deals with any emotional issue, so why would this be different. my mother on the other hand refuses to acknowledge that she had any influence on my eating problems. during my first hospitalization i had family therapy sessions with each of them every week, during which she was confronted on her own disordered eating behaviors and remarks towards me. she now claims those sessions made up the worst time in her life and are the reason for her fall into a deep depression at the time. she felt she was unfairly targeted and blamed for my problems, and has since refused to have type of involvement in my treatment.

    my point is that i can understand parents being very adament about not having an influence on their daughter or son’s eating disorder. it put my mother on the defensive and i’m sure it could do the same for many others.

  60. kay says:

    Mama V, or anyone:

    I have a question, but it is kind of shaming in a way. I did the challenge and did well, but after it ended, i went on a fast, and recently i started back purging. My question is this:

    I quit therapy, ( it was thanks to mama v that i got help, b/c my mom busted me on pro ana sites) and i have relapsed. I want to get help again, but i am afraid/ ashamed to ask, because i have never asked – i have always had some sort of intervention and was forced to get help.

    If i call a hotline, will they call my house back? Or how do i just find the courage to talk to my parents or someone ?

    Any suggestions would be welcome. I am supposed to be leaving for D.C. this august, and i can’t let this disease once again stop me from doing/being the best I can be.


  61. PrincessAmie says:

    i hate my family!!!
    I havent been eating… like everyday this week i havent eaten over 200cals a day… anyways i decided to make some vege’s because i feel feel a binge coming on and when i binge i have to throw up and i dont want to so i thought id make something healthy to eat… so yeah i cooked some, peas, broccili and beans… and a peice of corn anyways my grandpa is such well i cant call him a bitch because he is a guy but he is a bitch! Im sick of his smart arse comments, like now i dont even want to eat what im making… am i being over dramatic?!

  62. panda07 says:

    05 July 2007 @ 11:45 pm

    I’m typing this message right in front of my mom. She is so clueless this is a proana site.


    6 comments | leave a comment …….I just came across this post in proana i think it say`s it all!!!

  63. PrincessAmie says:

    I have been sitting here for a while trying to think of a way to write what i feel. Its fine for me to say i feel sad and alone but they dont really describe the intensity of my feelings. I guess you could say that i feel how people would picture death. I see death as being somewhere in the midst of something, surrounded by nothing, only seeing darkness and feeling this intense feeling of dispear and lonliness, it is so intense that it hurts, you try to reach out to something or someone, to cling to life but everytime you come in contact with this object and are able to feel the warmth you are pushed away.
    I have been thinking of someone i can call just to chat to about what i am feeling, but i have no one. I’m not talking about having people around but being to scared to talk to them about my problems… I’m talking about seriously not being connected to anyone, not being able to call anyone because there is no one to call.
    I feel so terribly alone. Tonight i ate and ate and ate, i seriously would have eaten about 3 days worth of food in under an hour. I have so much anxiety, i hate feeling this way. I dont know if anyone else has this ‘thing’ but when i feel so terrible, (its like i have turned my eating disorder into someone, like its as though she is seperate to me, ) i imagine ‘ana’ as a person, well i dont have to imagine i just see my ed in a human form and i just think like im talking to her, like i feel like i am writting this to her and its like i feel comforted by that.

    Is that weird?!

    I dont actually see death as somewhere you would be alone, maybe in the first bit of this post its not death im talking about its my life. I feel disconnected, i feel alone and so inbedded in my eating disorder and everytime some rejects me, or yells at me its like i get deeper inbedded. I just feel so alone, i feel mis understood and im worried. Is it wrong to be worried about my eating disorder and the things i do? I feel because i have been seeing a psyc since i was ten and im not eighteen… i feel like i over analyse things… like i think about the things i think about and do and than i freak out because i than think omg this isnt part of an eating disorder i think i have skitzaphrenia…. has anyone else made there ed like almost human?

    I cant belive how desperate i feel. I have this huge workout sceduaed for tomorrow… i wish it were day time now so that i could go for a run. I just feel like crying and breaking down… Im really sorry for talking heaps of shit…

    Love Amie

  64. mamavision says:

    Hi Kay! I personally believe that relapse seems to be somewhat expected. One of the main problems with eating disorders is that recover is a long road. This is why many girls are left without insurance because they need to consistently get themselves back in some sort of therapy if they find themselves slipping.

    On to what to do now:
    The hotline is totally anonomous, they do not have caller id and they will not call your house. Give a fake name if you want to.

    I do encourage you to talk to your mother, she was there for you then and she will be there for you know. Plus she will be so proud of you for recognizing that you are slipping a bit and she will get you the help you need.

    What do you think?

  65. mamavision says:

    Hi Christy: Just checking in on you, how are you doing?

  66. Christy says:

    Hi mamaV, i’m better. Thanks for asking. I was having a really difficult time–an afraid to be alone with myself moment. But I am okay now. I’ve seemed to have fallen into a slump, but I’m working to get out of it. Hopefully soon.

  67. kay says:

    Mama V,

    That does sound like a formidable plan, except to me it did not feel like my parents were there for me at all. The reason i say this, is because when we did a family session, ( before i quit ) they wanted no part in sharing responsibility . My eating disorder was my fault, and i have to get myself out of it was the blatant message.

    I am trying to find the courage to possibly talk with my aunt and have her be with me while i talk to my parents, or i talk with her and she talks to them while i am not present. I am so afraid that everyone will be mad at me.

    I am crying as i post this, because i want so badly to be the person i was before, but i just feel so lost, and confused and discouraged. I pray to God everyday, that i have paid enough for whatever it was that i have done to deserve this, because i would not even want this for those who commit the greatest atrocities in the world

  68. Gina says:

    I had my usual dietitian appointment.
    My pulse is even lower then it was last week. It drops really low everytime I go from sitting to standing.
    My mom and dietitian still think it’s from not drinking enough liquid. I still haven’t gotten enough guts to tell my mom I’ve been purging.
    I had to tell her the other day that I carved “ED” [for eating disorder] in my arm b/c I was so stressed and she was like:
    She finally admitted today in my sesson that she is starting to become not understanding more and more each day of this disease.
    It really pissed me off.

  69. hagar. says:

    hi mamav
    i know i am just one of many more girlsboys writing to you but i need some help from you. i have been visiting your blog ever since i first saw one of your videos on youtube. i am so glad that i saw your vido. please mamav reply to me if you can and if you want to. i wrote to you twice and you didn’t reply back. i’m sorry i know that i sound pathetic and childish but i am getting worse every day. and yes i know that that sounds dramatic. i’m a girl, hagar (sometimes people don’t understand my name) and i’m fourteen and a half years old. i used to just throw up but now there are pills involved too sometimes. i’ve also done some very bad things with this 31 year old man and i’ve started cutting ever since we did what we did. (not sex but i guess it’s called sexual activites. and it was with my consent but i still feel so dirty and slutty). please mamav i’ve only cut myself three times (i used to scratch before) and already a third of my left arm is cuts. i have to wear this sweat bracelet thingy to hide it from my parents. and yes i clean the cuts with 70% alcohol and polidin (this cream for infections). yes i’ve written a lot but i just thought that everything was necessary so you could understand. by the way all of this started when i was about 13. em so yes my question is do you have any advice for me? i am seeing a psychologist but two times a week seems somewhat not enough (i’ve only had one meeting with her so far). i read everything you wrote in this blog and i can see that you are strong and wise, so please could you share some advice with me? thank you so so much, and i’m sorry if i’m annoying…

  70. hagar. says:

    hi princessamie hehe just wanted to make sure you saw that this was adressed to you.
    yes of course people do that with their ed.
    i do that all the time.
    and it constantly talks to me inside my head and inside my mind. well not talks but more shouts and orders and screams. it’s hard keeping it all inside so sometimes i talk to it out loud. when you are alone you should try that too. it helps a bit. if you can express your anger i think it’s good for you but if you’re having one of those numb-i’m-not-even-here days like so many i have then you should draw or write or dance or whatever you like to do. yes i know it’s hard and u feel as if all you want to do is curl up in a ball in bed and sleep and sleep and sleep but if you raise enough energy maybe you can do it? btw if you want to talk to me you can add me:
    it’s my msn
    and my email
    i just really want to let you know that there are more people who do that – like me lol
    bye bye

  71. mamavision says:

    Hi Hagar! (finally!): First I apologize for not getting back to you when you have posted before. Second, you don’t sound pathetic or childish- I am glad you made it so clear that you need some advice.

    Understand I am not a professional, just hopefully a voice of reason. I am glad to hear you are going to a professional, does this mean your parents are aware of what you are going through? Can you confide in them what you are feeling?

    Regarding the sexual activity, we all do things that we regret or are ashamed of. I myself look back at my choices when I was your age and I am like what the hell was I doing! If this activity is still going on you need to think about why you are drawn to this person and think about the consequences of your actions. Is the risk worth the possible consequences for you, for him?

    So you are dealing with ED and cutting, do you know what the core reasoning behind your need to do these behaviors – control, shame, guilt, all of the above?

    These are all questions your dr. will be asking you, if he/she has not done so yet.

    Know this, this is not as earth shattering as you feel it is right now. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are growing up and experiencing life. You are going to take some good roads, and some not so good roads….but it doesn’t make you a bad person or a less worthy person.

    Keep your chin up, you sound very mature for your age and I hope to hear from you again! I will not forget your name Hagar!

  72. mamavision says:

    Hi Kay: What you state about your parents sharing responsibility is important. What do you mean by this?

    I understand you are either saying:
    They have contributed to your ED. If you believe this to be true, then they need to know this. It does not matter if they agree, this is how you feel. Read this again so you really absorb this and you can communicate it to them – You feel they contributed to your ED, you are asking for validation for your feelings, not agreement on your feelings.

    Now, if you are saying they have played no part in your ED, then there is a different core reason for your issues, and bottomline they need to be there for you. I can see why you are hurt, why would any parent say its your responsibility to get out of this on your own. Please clarify this because maybe I am missing something. You do need to do the work yourself, but you need their unconditional love in order to be strong enough to do so.

    Hope to hear back soon, I am traveling all day tomorrow and will be online
    Take care honey.

  73. Jane says:

    Sooooo good to see everyone here – have missed you all!

    It’s so wonderful to see my mum and little brothers (it’s been two years) so I’m enjoying that, and it’s great to see all my old friends.

    However, I have relapsed, and am enjoying the fact that I can so easily slip into my ED without being forced to eat by supportive friends – noone knows about my ED here. I am disusted at myself for allowing ana and mia to slip back into my life, but I missed them, and now I really don’t want to recover… it’s like I’ve found my purpose again – is that disturbing or what? I’ve also started drinking again; not only is that not allowed in my religion, but it brings me further back into the spiral of self-inflicted destruction which I had been fighting to get away from. My mum is so happy to have her little girl home, and I’ve hurt her sooooo much in the past, so I refuse to put this on her aswell, but I don’t know what to do. Do I want to live or die? Do I want to fight or embrace my disorder? Do I want to be secure or happy? I’m scared.

    Gina, I’m so sorry about your therapist, that really isn’t a good comment coming from a so called specialist. Is she/he specialised in EDs? Your comment really got to me for some reason – made me angry knowing that someone who is actually bothering to seek help is getting treated like that.

    With love x x x Jane x x x

  74. kay says:

    Mama V,

    for the point of clarification:

    I apologize for not being clear … perhaps in my state of frustration, i did not communicate as effectively as i should have. What i meant was, yes my parents did contribute to my eating disorder, but they don’t believe that to be true.

    When i was in treatment, they were not engaged in it. They did not want to do the family sessions, because they thought me stating my feelings was a form of parent blaming. They tell me that my ed is a result of me being “my own worst enemy”

    I know i have to do the work, and i am willing to try again, and do whatever it takes, but i am so worried about what my family will think of me. I am 21 yrs. old, and i feel like a complete failure.

    Sometimes i think that they all look at me and just think : How the hell are you going to be an ambassador, or work for the united nations and you can’t even eat? That is why i am scared to ask for help again, because part of me does not want them to know that i still struggle with this.

    They thought that after the last time, i was “cured” i tried to keep that facade up, but it is getting harder, and i can’t do it anymore. I desperately need to do something, but i am paralyzed as to what it is i should do.

    I hope i sufficiently answered your question

    Thankyou for who you are

  75. PrincessAmie says:

    To Hagar
    To Hagar
    TO HAGAR!!! LOL just wanted you to see this was addressed to you:)
    Thankyou so much for your reply!! It came at a perfect time because i was about to throw in using this site… i have posted heaps and heaps but dont often get replys so it was great receieving one from you! I have added you to my msn contact list thingy…
    Having an ED is very confusing and im so glad that you understand! Thank god for you!! I was seriously thinking i had like skitzaphrenia!! Well i have to go but i just wanted to say thankyou so much, i have been feeling so invisible… my family, my friends… no one notices me… i was feeling the same way on here… thanks heaps
    Love Amie

  76. hagar says:

    you’re welcome I’M glad that I saw your comment =] =] =]
    It made me feel better too =]
    btw i was considering that skitzaphrenia illness too
    it’s freakkky
    ur not invisible to me!!!
    talk to u on msn

  77. Jane says:

    Amie, you certainly aren’t invisible :o) Love you!!!

    Same as usual here, and no time to post – have a photo shoot tomoz so am gunna go get some sleep – wanna look semi-ok for it (am nervous lol) — it hurts me somewhat to think that people only want my picture when I’m going through a rough stage in terms of my ED – makes me feel as though I really do need ana and mia to be ‘good enough’ so to speak.

    Oh, MamaV; I couldn’t get that book you were talking about, I did get two others though, one was called “alice in the looking glass” and was fantastic, well worth the three hours reading x

    Love to everyone x

  78. PrincessAmie says:

    hey Jane
    Hows it going??/ Just want to say Hi and im thinking of you

  79. Jane says:

    heya princess Amie :o)

    things here are pretty crap atm. photo shoot went well though – better than expected anyway. EDwise… shit. Life wise… shit. I cant cope with feeling like this anymore – today things totally hit rock bottom… I bumped into my uncle (the one ive been avoiding) and he stood infront of me, spat at me and then took it upon himself to remind me of what a bitch I am. And, my mum had a suprise dinner party for my 18th bday yesterday… 5 course meal :o/ It was lovely and i tried to enjoy it. but it was so hard.

    anyway. i urgently want a shower – went mega running tonight so prob dont seem all that attractive lol

    love to everyone x jane x

  80. PrincessAmie says:

    hey jane
    sorry it has taken so long to reply. your uncle sounds like an animal and than i feel bad for the animals calling him that! Jane do you do modeling? I know what you mean about ed and life being shit… i dont think i can get any lower than what i feel. I have been thinking about suicide alot over the past couple of days, i am trying really hard to cope. Its weird, when things go shit i feel like my ed has more power, its like i chose to make it more powerful…
    anyways how is everyone going?

  81. Jane says:

    I do some modelling, it wasn’t really a planned move but it happened somehow. Things with life and ED are spiralling again, the brief positivity has been destroyed by my father, I’m gunna put a post to MamaV explaining cuz I could do with some support or just a kindly word atm. Basically my dad and step mum have disowned me and told me to “fuck off and die”. Thank God for people like you Amie x x x

  82. A mother and sister says:

    I am a mother of three wonderful children. I do not have a child with an eating disorder, I have one and my sister has one. I never even thought to look for a support site until I went to college and was made to write an essay on a topic in which I am studying in, which is the medical field. I chose to write about eating disorders because I knew so much about them. I didn’t even think there was a name for my eating disorder until I did the research for it. I am a compulsive overeater. I would take my food in another room and hide while I ate it so nobody would know. I would wait until my kids went to bed then eat. I am ashamed of what I do and feel the guilt you do. I have tried diets and even went to the doctor. He put me on medicine to help me not think about food as much. I can only take it for 3 months. I am scared because the 3 months will be up soon. I forgot to take the medicine one day and I ate the same way I did before the medicine. It is suppose to help me determine what is a healthy amount of food to eat. I ate so much I got sick, because my stomache had shrunk. As a mother I don’t see anything wrong with this web site….people with eating disorders need to know there are more than themselves with this problem and in there own way this is like their family and the only support they can find that doesn’t judge them. If my daughters or son had an eating disorder I would try everything I could to make sure I understood what they were going through and offer my support. I have pretty good relationships with them and they know I am there for them. I wish I had had that when I was young.

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