ProAna Challenge: Week 3…a little help from a friend

Hi Girls! We are at week 3 of the pro ana challenge. I logged on to post a quick note before we head into the weekend (I am off tomorrow and headed up north with my family).

Much to my surprise, there was a message from Gil! She is doing better and still fighting. Perhaps her words will give you some inspiration this weekend.


Think about how you don’t want to damage your body through long term ED. Think about how many years she has lost and is now fighting to get back.

Here is the message Gil posted today, you can read it also on this post:

I love you MamaV, thank you for this, thank you all for your kind words and prayers. I am doing a little better. I am waiting on word from a treatment centre which is willing to take me on and try stabalise my physical health. And help me to take the correct amount of feed i am prescribed. I am quite scared , i am worried about how other patients will deal with the fact i cannot eat orally, (i have dameaged my oesophogas as i have ruptured it twice so i will never eat ‘normally’) I do want however to be healthier, to be able to walk instead of being stuck on bedrest. To be healthy enough to maintain my weight and my vitals. I dont know for sure if i will be going as my psychiatrist is quite reluctant to apply for my funding because i quote ‘have wasted it before’ ‘what makes this time different’ this comes from someone who has me under court order for force feeding and residential care.

Anyway, thank you all again.

MamaV i love ya!

Gil xox

It’s summer, get outside, walk, think, talk, share. Do whatever you have to, but stay off those damn Pro-Ana sites 😉

Love you all.


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51 Responses to ProAna Challenge: Week 3…a little help from a friend

  1. Melissa says:

    I’m so glad to hear that Gil is doing better!

    Have fun on your trip, Mama! ♥


  2. kay says:

    I have been, and will continue to pray for gil, I am also glad to read the good news, and i hope that she continues the commitment to recovery.

    Have fun on your trip mama V,

    avec tout mon amour ( with all my love)


  3. Jane says:

    I’m so happy to hear that Gil is making progress…. her psychiatrist was out of order though, people like that have made me give up on myself tooooooo many times before.

    Have fun MamaV….. will be thinking of you!

    Love ya all,

    Jane x x x

  4. Jane says:

    OMG…. I can’t do this anymore. I just went to get changed (is sooo hot, so wanted to put on shorts and teeshirt) and realised that my shorts are so fucking tight, I weighed myself and have put on more weight than I imagined. I can’t cope with that fact. I know it’s pathetic… but I can’t deal with it. I’m fat, ugly, pathetic and weak. Why do I care so much? People tell me I look better now than I’ve looked in a long time, so why am I so scared and angry and hurt and devestated….???

    I want to be okay. Is that really too much to ask? All this over a pair of shorts? What the hell is wrong with me? I hate being me. I hate me. I hate my stupid pathetic wasteful life.

  5. Melissa says:

    Just tell yourself the shorts shrank in the dryer. x.x

    I’m sure you are beautiful, and I know for a fact that you are not pathetic or weak. How else could you have come this far? =)

    Jane, I know you can do this! I stopped noticing my weight gain (even if it is unhealthy, for real. xP) because I started wearing those really gorgeous long bohemian-style skirts and they have elastic bands.

  6. Jane says:

    I usually wear jelabia (really pretty arabic dresses) or the bonemian skirts too, but for some stupid reason, I decided to get dressed in “real” clothes.

    I’m not beautiful I can promise you that, and if I had the chance to just give up on everything, I would. I’m just scared, that’s all. Scared of life, scared of death… trapped somewhere in the middle.

    I know I’ll get over it eventually, after all, I’ve done it before, right? Just, right now, there doesn’t seem to be a way out of this mind frame. It just hurts so much to know that even now, my weight can completely alter my mood… I’d hoped I’d gotten over that. Oh well. Here recommences my journey… I obviously can’t recover right now.

  7. kay says:


    I wanted to say that i completely relate to what you were saying. I have always felt that i was a waste of a sperm and egg, or that God, or whomever your diety may be, had wanted to show the world what a screw was so he sent me.

    i am starting to work on that mentality, and it is hard. I see someone thinner than I, and i automatically say, well i am going to starve harder. But i have been doing this challenge, and yes it is hard as hell, and yes i “slip up” every once in a while,


    ~Je t’aime~

  8. Joey says:

    Jane – you have my absolute sympathy. *Hugs* None of my trousers or shorts fit anymore, even though my weight isn’t that high – the fat has redistributed, and i’ve lost a lot of weight in muscle-mass too, so going back to my original weight will make me fatter than before. It’s really been getting me down and stressed, and my friends are sick of me worrying about it. Today i’m wearing pyjama-bottoms to avoid anxiety.

    It’s so nice to hear Gil is still fighting on :)

    I’ve failed on the last couple of days with the challenge; though i’m still on proanorexia much less than normal. The loneliness and hopelessness of depression drove me back because i simply wanted some kindof company. There were also problems – rumours had spread that i had attempted again, and the site was being abused, and so i posted to make sure things were okay. I hardly read anything though.

    I’ve got a whole evening to fill, and i don’t know how. I feel so hopeless and sad, and have no enthusiasm for anything, like all i want to do is sleep forever, or have a good cry.
    This weekend is the first anniversary of my mums death. Means it’s also nearly a year since i relapsed. It’s gonna be a hard couple of days.

    Hope you’re all doing okay..

    jo xxx

  9. Jane says:

    Kay – Thanks hun, I appreciate your comment. It sometimes helps to see how many people really do care. I believe in God, and sometimes think that He messed up when he made me, but I can’t think that for long… “Everybody’s perfect, God makes no mistakes.” after all. I think that everyone has a purpose in life; I just don’t know mine yet.

    I’m trying not to give up, really I am. But it’s so hard to keep clutching at straws. Thankfully my faith in my religion is keeping me semi-sane, but it is still amazingly hard to keep going. You too, take care of yourself and keep strong. Love x

    Joey – Thank you so much… I just put a baggy shirt on and pyjama bottoms on too… it helps :o) I also havent really put on much weight to be honest, just lost muscle which makes me bigger I guess. It’s so horrible to hate yourself this much over a stupid number, but that number has me controlled… well and truley.

    I know what you mean about the depression driving you back; I feel the same way and it’s kinda embarrasing, right? :o( (Plus these sites are literally the only place I can go to right now for any communication – parents are in a whole different continent for a month). Lonliness sucks.

    I’m so sorry about your mum, I can only imagine how painful it must be for you… I havent seen my mum for two years now (we had a fight and I left home – we are on talking terms again though) and that is painful enough. Try to keep yourself safe okay, and remember even though she isn’t physically around now, she is always looking over you. Be strong hun. Thinking of you. Love x

    Thanks guys,

    Jane xxx

  10. Jan says:

    i’m glad to hear some positive news in regards to Gil. i hope things work out for her in terms of this treatment center.

    also, i wanted to say i think the pro-ana challenge was a great idea. i wish everyone luck with it.

  11. Gina says:

    I’m so happy to hear she is doing better. She deserves a happy life and happy furture. I only wish her good thoughts and good things to come.
    She can get better and anyone can. I was in a place similar to hers where doctors not even treatment places understand why I wasn’t dead yet. I was so sick and now I am on the road to recovery but still struggling but I am healthy I guess you could say.
    I just know there is faith for all of you so dont’ give up. You all deserve a great life. Dont listen to the lies that disgusting disorder tells b/c you all DESERVE A HAPPY LIFE!

  12. Gina says:

    Okay So I know I just posted that really postive note but I feel awful now. I was doing so good and I jus tlooked at proana stuff. Like I cant do behaviros right now so proana gives me that relife like sigh off my sholder. I can’t really explain it. But yawls probably know what i”m talken about.

    Uhh I feel horrible I let my self down.

  13. kay says:


    I feel the same way. I gave jane some words of encouragement, and told her not to give up on her self, while all the while yesterday i wanted to purge, but i was aware of the commitment i made so i decided that i would just starve myself, instead of eating and throwing up.

    This is the hardest thing i have ever done. I am starting to see some semblance of a new life forming, but it is difficult to see my body changing, but i am trying not to see it as “fat” but it quite difficult. I can no longer clearly see my bones, and i am panicked.


  14. Jane says:

    Don’t you guys find it really strange that irregardless of how crappy we feel, we always encourage others to “keep going” etc? I mean, we give such good advice to other people, but we can’t seem to “practise what we preach” so to speak.

    Anyway, Gina and Kay, both of you are great people… you have both stayed strong and been great, there is no doubt about that. I’m proud to see that you have both managed to keep your promises to yourselves too :o)

    I can’t really make a very good comment right now, haven’t slept for 48 hours and am starting to get some strange hallucinations…. gunna sleep x x x

  15. Kate217 says:

    I know that you all don’t know me, and that I really have no idea what you’re going through. Having been fat most of my life, I’ve often derided myself for not having “the discipline” to make myself skinny, although I know that had I “succeeded” I would not have been able to stop. I’ve even envied those of you with the “self-discipline” to be ano/bulimic. How sick is that? I want you to know that I sit here in literal tears at your struggles, at your self-loathing. That part I totally get.

    You are so brave to have taken up this challenge and I know that it must be terrifying and painful for you, but please keep on going. If you backslide, forgive yourselves and start over. You are so much stronger than you know and you are beautiful, each and every one of you. Anyone who tells you that you are not is trying to project his/her own insecurities on you. Don’t let others feel better about themselves at your expense. It’s not your responsibility to live up to society’s warped expectations of you.

    There are many things that you can do and places other than pro-ana sites that you can visit for company. Things as simple as MySpace or faceBook (no pro-ana groups, though). Try sites that you might never have thought of. Feminist sites might be a good place for you to start seeing your worth as not dependent on your body fat percentage. Try gaming sites, or music fan sites, or art sites, or comedy sites. ANYWHERE that’s not pro-ana or fat-shaming. There are communities out there that will welcome you with literally no thought of your physical appearance. Look for them. Find one that’s right for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    Every one of you deserves to be happy. You deserve a life that is defined by who you are, not by what you deny yourselves. Please know that complete strangers love you and care about you and know that you have value simply because you are alive. Know that you deserve to be loved even if you want fries with that burger and a piece of cake for dessert, and even if you fear them, but eat them anyway.

  16. Nats says:

    Life sucks, well all get that part, noone gets what’s going on with me and I am still locked in a room alone with my thoughts. When it comes to meal times I am in the room with someone from the staff team in with me! I am getting reviewed today to see if I can go back on ward. I want to go home, I want to give up, I sometimes wish I was dead, it would be easier than going through this. I think I’m going to leave the clinic today. Sorry all

  17. Jane says:

    Kate217 – I understand your sort of “admiration” for anorexics… when I go through stages of bulimic behaviour all I can think of is how much self-restrait those girls have; it is somewhat disturbing, since we all aught to be proud of who we are exactly the way we are.

    You too deserve to be happy, and I’m sorry that you too have faced problems with weight and self-acceptance. I think all people should be careful, and realise that everything is good…. in proportion — thats where things go wrong for me.

    Take care of yourself hun x

    Nats – You are stronger than you know. Give yourself some praise, and time… things take time – you already know that. I recognise how difficult this is for you, but remember the ulimate goal here, to get better. You might not see it, but this is going to help you hunny.

    Don’t give up. Don’t give up. DON’T GIVE UP!!! I know that you can do this, and so does everyone else here. I know that I love you soooo much, and I find myself thinking of your progress when I want to just give in, and it helps me so much Nats, it makes me stronger. You have so much to look forward to in your life, and it will be so much easier to enjoy everything when you get away from this ED.

    You need to stay where you are, it’s the best thing you could do for yourself. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t think badly of you for leaving, but it would hurt, just because I know that you are worth so much and you can escape the living hell of your ED… I have faith in you, don’t forget it. x

    Jane x x x

  18. Kate217 says:

    Nats, I can’t improve on what Jane said, but I wholeheartedly agree with it.

    It’s neither my place nor my desire to judge you, whatever your decision, but I do hope that you’ll stay where you have help, however difficult the process is. I’d hate to lose you before I even get to know you.

  19. nats, i’m with Kate and Jane…
    i couldn’t put it any better if i tried…

    i will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. best of luck, please stay safe.

  20. Joey says:

    Nats – *HUGS*

    Kate127 – thankyou for your kind words. It’s very common for people to feel the way you do about anorexics, i did myself once, and many girls go as far as to try ‘make’ themselves anorexic, which is truly sick! There is one thing to bare in mind though – most anorexics aren’t powered by self-restraint, it’s often easier for them to not eat than to eat because they’re just so so terrified of eating and the prospect of gaining. A lot of us in recovery are actually struggling to eat, rather than the other way round.

    Kay – I’m so proud!!!!

  21. Nats says:

    They moved me back on ward oh what bloody joy

  22. Nats says:

    Ok maybe not back to being checked on every 15 mins and locked in a room!

  23. Emily says:

    Hiya, hows everyone doing?

    havent commeted on here for a while havent been allowed on a computer been at the clinic for five days, its so awful their, but i no i have 2 stay if i want 2 improve and maybe get better.

    love u all
    Emily x x x

  24. Nats says:

    I so bloody hate this place, its doing my head in. I don’t want to mess this up but I can’t handle it. When is mamaV back?

  25. i dunno when she’s coming back… but im sorry you’re having such a hard time. just try to stay positive, as hard as it is.

    you have so much support on here, lot of people rooting for you!
    (including me)
    please stay safe

  26. Melissa says:

    Nats- I’m proud of you, and even as I see the pain you are going through to get better, I want it to happen. I know it is going to be an incredibly painful process to get healthier, it only makes sense. Was it not an incredibly painful process to getting thin?

    I love you, you know this. You have so much support here. We all are rooting for you, just like KerryElizabeth says. We wouldn’t cheer you on if we thought it was pointless. ;D

    Please, feel free to email me anytime. You’re an incredible person, I have faith in you!

    And Kay- I’m so friggin proud of you! I bet you really are beautiful. Oh, I wish I could hug you right now! I am exploding with pride. x3

    Keep up the excellent work, you guys!

  27. Nats says:

    I cant seem to get the energy to do anything here, they dont understand me or what is wrong with me! It seems these people have known girls with EDs then they though “oh I think i would like to help with that” and just decided to try and help. I am sorry to sound ungrateful and I dont mean to sound that way but how can someone who has no idea what its like to go through this help me????

    I know you guys are here for me and that means so much, I just wish that my family and friends were as supportive as you guys. I have been here three bloody weeks and I have heard NOTHING from ANYONE!!! I guess it shows who your real friends are when your in the shit and it turns out I dont have any!

    I dont know how I got like this and I dont know how I am going to beat it.

    Jane, Kate. I am glad that what I am doing is helping you to fight too, I am 100% sure you guys can and will beat this!!!
    What are you guys doing at the mo for help? Are you having counsselling? Are you at a clinic? I know I dont know you guys, and I also know that me going on about how hard it is here at this shit hold they call a clinic probably doesn’t make you want to phone one straight away and say “I wanna Join, I need help” but only you can do this. I am not going to sit here and tell you both what to do, I am also not going to make you feel you should do it for others. Screw what others think about you and love yourself!!! You cant love others until you learn to love yourself. Oh god ok sounded like my shrink! Not that I have spoken to her for ages but whatever! But its true, I thought that I loved everyone that I am in contact with and it turns out I dont! I cant love them until I accept who and what I am, what I look like, what I weight etc etc and deal with it! They dont love me, otherwise if they did they would be here to show it would they not?? I am guessing that you both have others who know about your ed? If so are they helping you? Or are they just putting you down? If they are putting you down, I think you should cut them right out of your life, you dont need them, you may think you do but you dont! They are only there making you feel even worse about yourself and you dont need that!

    And you guys shouldnt be proud of me, I haven’t done anything to make you proud in fact ive not done anything to make myself proud!

    Hope your all ok

    Nats xxx

  28. Nats says:

    I am losing this battle, I keep trying to find the strength to carry on and it just gets harder. The way im looking at it now is…. WHAT IS THE BLOODY POINT??? Noone I know has even acknowledged the fact that im here they dont give a shit about me, what the point in doing all this. In fact im not gonna do it anymore

  29. Melissa says:

    Nats- It is ridiculous to say that we should not be proud of you. Look at where you are at, silly. That is something you should be proud of, no matter how lacking the intelligence of the personel there is.

    Speaking of, is there another clinic anywhere close that you could go to?

    Stay strong honey, we’ve just got to figure out where the right people are. ♥


  30. Nats says:

    no the next clinic near me is about 4 hours away

  31. Nats says:


    A friend of mine opened his wife’s underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

    “This, – he said – isn’t any ordinary package.”
    He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

    “She got this the first time we went to New York, 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on. Was saving it for a special occasion.
    Well, I guess this is it. He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothings he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died. He turned to me and said:

    “Never save something for a special occasion. Every day in your life is a special occasion”.
    I still think those words changed my life.
    Now I read more and clean less.
    I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.
    I spend more time with my family, and less at work.
    I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through. I no longer keep anything. I use crystal glasses every day. I’ll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if i feel like it.
    I don’t save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to. The words “Someday…” and “One Day…” are fading away from my dictionary. If it’s worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now. I don’t know what my friend’s wife would have done if she knew she wouldn’t be there the next morning, this nobody can tell. I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
    She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels. I’d like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food. It’s these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.
    I would regret it, because I would no longer see the friends I would meet, letters… letters that i wanted to write “One of this days”.
    I would regret and feel sad, because I didn’t say to my brothers and sons, not times enough at least, how much I love them.
    Now, I try not to delay, postpone or keep anything that could bring laughter and joy into our lives.
    And, on each morning, I say to myself that this could be a special day.
    Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.
    If you got this, it’s because someone cares for you and because, probably, there’s someone you care about.
    If you’re too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it “One of these days”, remember that “One day” is far away… or might never come. .

    This TANTRA came from India. No matter if you’re superstitious or not, spend some time reading it.
    It holds useful messages for the soul.
    Don’t keep this message.
    This Tantra must leave your hands within 96 hours.
    Send copies and watch what goes on in the next four days.
    You’ll have a pleasent surprise.

  32. Melissa says:

    Is a 4 hour drive not more important than a life of misery and pain?

  33. Nats says:

    I am not strong enough for this melissa and as soon as I leave here and go there ill be on watch and checked every 15 mins just incse i try and do something stupid

  34. Melissa says:

    Don’t tell me that bull, Nats. You know it and I know it and everyone here knows it.

    Besides, you never know what they are going to do until you get there.

  35. Nats says:

    This is fu**ing hilarous you know that right I just spoke to my mum and you know what she said????? ” Oh hiya hows your holiday?” Is this woman for reallll??? NO MOTHER THIS IS NOT A FUKING PICNIC THIS IS NOT EASY THIS IS A CLINC FOR EATING DISORDERS!! ” Oh ok I hear your upset phone me when you get home” CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?? WHAT IS THE POINT

  36. Melissa says:

    Well, your mom obviously just doesn’t understand. She can’t help that she’s ignorant. Ha! If I were you, I’d mail her a little brochure (I’m sure they have them there) every other day about ED’s.

    Ignorance annoys me.

  37. Jane says:

    Nats…. if we haven’t told you a million times then my name aint Jane…. you ARE stronger than you know. Your mum was out of order, there was no reasoning behind that. Ignore the comment hun, you don’t need that kind of nonsense on top of recovery… its hard enough as it is.

    Love you always Nats, stay strong, keep fighting, and surely good things will follow. I agree with Melissa (as usual lol) ignorance is more damaging than non-acceptance.

    Anyway, gotta go… friends…. x x x

  38. Nats says:

    You all also keep telling me that everything will be great once I finally beat this which even though its nice to hear isnt really going to happen to me if I have noone to share it with at the other end really is it. I have noone im completely alone, and I know I have you guys but your not here with me at night to go out with or anything like that and I so wish you were, I love you all and I would love for us all to get together, not sure where you are all from so dont know if your close by or not, so far the closest person to me is Gil in Scotland! and even she is hours and hours away.
    Reading that post that Gil put on kind of made me see all the better things about getting better but yesterday made me see all the bad things too. Its strange to think that when this is first started for me it was because of grief rather than about losing weight and now I have become used to looking like I do and I am unsure of if I like it or not.
    I read a text I had received a few weeks back from a friend and it says “food makes me happy” she is about 150 lbs and 5 10″ in height. Then she said it must be true because you can never find a happy anorexic person. At the time i was wondering what the hell she was chatting about but in a way i guess its true i know damn straight that i am not happy, is this true for the rest of you guys? If its not then thats cool but just thought i would ask.

    As for my so called mother and the rest of the family, well not really much I can say about them, they have always seen me as “the rock” of the family who always keeps it together and keeps everyone together, I guess she is in denial about what is happening to me as it clearly shows I am not what she thought I was, I am a messed up f*cking unhappy girl who cant stand the fact that they didnt even acknowledge the fact I haven’t got over losing the baby or the fact that i am not eating and killing myself.

    Sorry for the rant

    love you all

    Me x

  39. Joey says:

    Nats – some of the stuff you’ve said in your last big comments have really lifted me up and given me insight….so thankyou!!!
    Your friend is a similar height and weight to me which is interesting. I’m a little taller and 150 is my goal weight, i’ve only 4lbs left to gain. Before my ED food made me happy, very very happy. It still does in a way, except for all the stress and fear and guilt that surrounds it too. Eating right definitely helps someone feel happy, and it’s true – you hardly ever get happy anorexics.

    I did a scribbly drawing with my pastels a few days ago which expresses my experience of recovery. I’d like Nats in particular to see it, but i’d love it if you all took a look. It’s here

  40. Nats says:


    I am glad that you are nearly at the weight you need. I am sooooooo proud of you hun really I am.
    I am gonna check out your drawing now hun xx

    I hope I can get to where you are someday xx

  41. Nats says:


    I have now seen your picture. Its amazing. But I want you to explain it to me if you can and want to. I have seen the fire, the eyes, the tear etc and I want you to tell me what in that picture resembles what if you get what I mean xxx

  42. joey,
    i just checked out your picture, and i wanted to say i think its great. The career im working toward is in the feild of Art Therapy, so i’m a huge fan of drawing your feelings!
    Good Job! :)

  43. Joey says:

    Thankyou!! I really like the concept of using art as a therapy; it was hard at first because i’m such a perfectionist with art, but now it’s really great.

    Okay as a kindof explanation of the different parts – the fire is kindof the ED because it looks appealing and friendly yet is so dangerous, the swirls represent freedom from the ED, the blend of colours on the right side is the transfer through moods, the green swirls with the little flowers are about growth (emotionally, spiritually, whatever), and the dark section in the top left especially the red twisted bit represents the danger of the ED. I guess that’s sortof it anyway!!

    I did another piece yesterday which is here
    The golden strip through the middle represents the road to recovery, the vibrant colours are a bit like fireworks to represent celebrating recovery and embracing life, the dark strips leading off the ‘road’ represent ‘going off track’, the pink swirls represent getting trapped into certain cycles, the blend of colours represents the movement through moods again, the green spikes are like grass and the yellow is either the sun or a sunflower – and that represents a ‘light at the end of the tunnel’, how we’re going back to how we’re naturally meant to be with regards to our bodies and food, and also how we’ll appreciate little things like nature when we’re better and healthy and appreciating life.

    I’m about to break the challenge yet again i think. I want to talk about stuff, i feel alone. My mood is crashing after a manic phase. I have major depression but these phases of mania are popping up now, so maybe it’s bipolar? Who knows.
    I feel a bit of a failure by not keeping to the challenge. However my time on proanorexia sites are significantly cut down, and i only tend to post about recovery but not read any of the triggering negative stuff. So i guess that’s good.

    I had my first session of therapy a couple of days ago; it’s cognitive behavioural therapy for my anxiety disorder and depression (my main problems – my ED is secondary to these). I’m optimistic but daunted by it all.
    In less than 3 days i’m going on holiday to Edinburgh (I live in gloucs, SW england) with my boyfriend. I’ll have never been so far away from home without someone to ‘look after’ me. Exciting, but scary!

    I’ll shut up now.

    Hope you’re all well…

  44. Kate217 says:

    Hi all,

    I’m so blown away at how you all manage to get up and face every day in spite of your pain. You obviously have no idea how heroic that is all by itself.

    Nats, I’ve never wanted to be in the UK more. I would so visit you if I weren’t across the pond. (I live in the Washington, DC area.) As for everything’s being great when you get better, maybe not. We all have challenges in our lives and we all have pain that we have to live through. I’d be willing to bet every penny I have, though, that your worst days once you do get better will be a lot better than your average day now. Notice that I say “when,” not “if.” Just by being here you have proven that you have the strength that you need to keep fighting. Although I’ve never been where you are now, I have frequently wondered “what’s the point?” I have been in depressions so deep that if breathing weren’t automatic, I wouldn’t be here now. I understand exhaustion and hopelessness. Winston Churchill once said “when you’re going through hell, keep going.” As difficult as it seems, just keep breathing, more importantly, keep eating. You WILL get through this. It won’t be easy, and it probably won’t be fast, but it will so be worth it once you get to the other side.

    Joey, I love your artwork. I think that it would make beautiful quilts. Don’t worry about backsliding a bit. If you’re not looking at pro-ana sites as often, you’re NOT failing. You’re improving. Baby steps will get you there as long as they are all in the same general direction. I know that expecting perfection of yourself is part and parcel of EDs. It may seem impossible to you, but try to cut yourself some slack. NOBODY is perfect. NO human in the history of the world has EVER been perfect. Perfection is not something that you need to achieve to be worthy of love, respect, and dignity. Your dignity is inherent and you have my love and respect (for whatever that’s worth.)

    Big hugs and lots of love to all of you. Remember that you’re stronger than you know and that you are loved.

  45. Christy says:

    Hi MamaV and everyone,

    I’m back! I really missed this site and all of you who have become such an awesome support system. I am so glad to be able to read all of your posts and see lots of positive updates!

    I am doing really well right now. I feel good, and, for a change, am looking forward to what’s next rather than dreading it.

    I hope everyone’s having a good day!


  46. Nats says:

    Hi Guys,

    Joey: I think you are an amazing person with so much strength I really admire you. You will beat all this and become so happy!! You are a great person and the world deserves to know you, and so do you!

    Kate: I do understand what you are saying. I am currently in a clinic to get treatment. I wish you were here too, it would be nice to have some support here with me, especially someone who knows how I am feeling.

    I am going to be out of contact for a while now I think its best that I dont come on here.
    I will check updates on all of you though but I dont think ill be posting. BUT I DO KNOW ALL OF YOU ARE SPECIAL AND YOU CAN AND WILL BEAT THIS!!!!

    All of you take care of yourselves ok, and remember, you are your own person, screw everyone else they dont matter at the moment its all about you. /Be selfish for once and become the person you want to become, dont let anything stand in your way of happiness.

    Love you all sooooooooooooo much.

    Nats xxxx

  47. Kate217 says:

    We’ll miss you, Nats. Take care of yourself.


  48. Kate217 says:

    I hope that you are all well. I’m thinking about you.

  49. Kate217 says:

    Sending hugs and kisses, just in case you’re checking in. XOXOXOX

  50. Kate217 says:

    Still here. Still thinking about you. XOXOX

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