Pro-Anorexia? Time for a name change!

We have had some healthy debates since the loss of Kristi and the Internet Suicide post. I wanted to thank you all for your heartfelt, pissed off, sometimes angry, sometimes sad comments – I can not thank you enough.

Here is what I have learned about the Pro-Anorexia community, thanks to you.

With that said, I think we need to separate eating disorder sufferers into groups – they are vast and different. We all tend to relate back to our own experiences and this can really limit our perspective. I see the differentiation as follows:

1 Anorexia/Bulimia is a brain disease.

Food and control go hand in hand. The control gained by restricting food intake is done in an attempt to compensate for feelings and emotions that may otherwise seem over-whelming. For some, dieting, bingeing, and purging may begin as a way to cope with painful emotions and to feel in control of one’s life, but ultimately, these behaviors will damage a person’s physical and emotional health, self-esteem, and sense of competence and control.


(Images from documentary THIN by Lauren Greenfield)

Studies show that in some individuals with eating disorders, certain brain chemicals that control hunger, appetite, and digestion are imbalanced. The exact meaning and implications of these imbalances remains under investigation.

Eating disorders often run in families. Current research is indicates that there are significant genetic contributions to eating disorders.

2 Anorexia/Bulimia is a media disease.

Women of today look to models and hollywood for their standard of beauty, thinspiration images fill their heads, and send these individuals on a quest to “be anorexic.”

1363742.jpg skinny-models.jpglohanrichie016ik.jpg

One does not need to try to be anorexic if they fall into category #1 above. When your eating disorder stems from brain chemicals or genetics, your goal is to try NOT to be anorexic.

In the case of the anorexic wanna-be’s it seems the desire to be thin starts innocently enough but overtime evolves into something more complicated-something I equate to brainwashing.

You know what really scares me? This group seems to dominate the Pro-Anorexia sites and YouTube. Their influence can not be underestimated. Day after day I receive messages from women stating they are drawn to their Thinspiration videos and images even though they know how detrimental they are to their recovery.

3 Anorexia/Bulimia is a family disease.


Not don’t freak out here, I am not pulling the ole’ Giselle theory on you.

By saying “family” I mean to say that many girls can point back to a specific incident or one comment made by a family member and/or friend that seemed to immediately trigger their dieting, which evolved to restricting, purging, exercising and ultimately anorexia.

A grandpa that called you fat.

A sister that compared her thighs to yours.

A mom that dieted incessantly.

A father that spoke of women being fat.

Sound familiar? All too familiar, I hear these stories daily.

It is these types of comments that take us from here:


True Colors by Dove

To here:


THIN documentary

4 Anorexia/Bulimia is a combination of all of the above.

To confuse things more, many of us likely see parts of our disorder in 1, 2, and 3. So how to make sense of it all? I am not sure we need to. Instead focus on indentifying where your disorder stems from, and seek help. Professional help, perhaps supplemented by online forms of support. I do understand the insurance related issues many of you face, but please reach out to NEDA to see if there are free or discounted forms of treatment available.

Which brings me to my final thought for the day.

Pro-Anorexia groups are receiving a bad rap…time for a name change. You need to re-invent yourselves into something that is not an immediate RED FLAG to every parent out there, not to mention the media who loves to jump all over you.

Those of you who a receiving support from the Pro-Anorexia sites, namely the Live Journal friends who have posted here, what to you think of differentiating yourself from the pack? I really think this is essential. There is a site called WeBiteBack which may interest you. They call their group post-pro-anorexia.

Check it out and let me know your thoughts,


(a.k.a. mamaV as I have come to be known by some. So hip.).

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36 Responses to Pro-Anorexia? Time for a name change!

  1. Danyel says:

    Great post, great to hear from you. Was starting to miss your blogs. Yeah- I’m thinking some definitely mix into all three. I can relate a lot more to family. Though, addiction is on both sides of the family since I was 12/13 I was told to watch my weight, don’t get fat, fat is miserable and disgusting.. blah blah blah. So- I can totally relate to FAMILY. Or perhaps that random incident in front of your friend when your grandmother stands behind you, grabs your but and calls you fat. As your friend stares at you in shock……………….ANYWAY GREAT BLOG

  2. Muse says:

    You seem to have made a regular reader out of me. You are managing to keep a very real blog, here. I’m fond of this one and also Hungry for Hunger. Despite my busy schedule, I find myself checking back at both these places to read your latest thoughts on the issues.

    Anything you mention that will somehow allow our community to grow – any areas you can see where we have lingering hints of the old “pro-ana” identity – you just go ahead and say so. And we’ll listen. We’re doing all we can to build something new that’s real – not just fronting recovery. Not just paying lip-service to recovery. Not just “in favor” of it… but being it. Doing it. Writing about it. Encouraging one another. Listening to feedback from others. Working together…. and using the fantastic peer support element to our advantage that we all used to use in “supporting” each other to get thinner.

    Thanks for recommending us. We’re still growing a body of positive thought in our essays section. We have nineteen pieces of writing up already. Call it building a new “tips and tricks” section for a better subculture.

    Much respect,

  3. Hey Mama V!

    Yeah, my “issue” started when I was 14 when my brother said “you can stand to lose 5 lbs.” Now, everyone knows that that’s an awkward age when you’re body’s changing. I was not “fat” by any standards or charts. I was probably 105 lbs, but even know when I look back at that part of my life I think I look fat. So, maybe I was fat and it wasn’t just me thinking that I was fat and I really did need to lose 5 lbs.

    Here I am, 14 years later still trying and fighting to lose weight and it just gets harder and harder. Every pound, or even ounce gained or lost determines how I’m going to feel. It’s a blast, as you know!

    Glad you’re back posting. We missed ya but understand that you needed a little break.


  4. agirl says:

    I think what you are doing is fantastic. I used to look at those sites and I admit, it is where I learned most of what I know now. The problem with ana/mia sites is as much as these girls don’t want to admit.. it is a contest. Its no where near being supportive. A girl told me she recorded her voice calling herself fat and played it for 12 hours. I have an eating disorder and yes I beat myself up but this was just shocking. I am trying to overcome this and it isn’t easy but its a hell of a lot easier by staying away from pro-ana sites. And its not so much the sites. I believe the media is a huge influence on us. All the photos of people being too thin. Its all BS. You see an article about eating disorders in a magazine and you turn the page and there is a model who is 5’11” and no more than 110 lbs. and airbrushed! Its disgusting. I feel so brain washed and gross. Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why is sex and sex appeal so important? Why is being thin so important? I hate myself and curse myself everyday because I am not “good enough”. What is good enough? Thin? What is thin? 100 lbs? Must we all wait till we are hospitalized and die of heart attacks to realize we are beautiful? I am rambling.. I am sorry. What I really wanted to say is I am so happy to have found this website. Lately I’ve been trying to reach out to girls and give them REAL support. Nothing along the lines of- “First one to lose 20lbs is my new best friend!” Its time to stare this fear in the face and let it fade away. I don’t want another girl to go through what I’ve gone through and am still going through. I don’t want another day to pass and a girl feels embarassed and ashamed and disgusted by their own BEAUTIFUL body. I’m tired of people telling us that ‘thin is in’ and you are not pretty and no boy will ever love you if you are fat. Oy, this was a lot. Sorry again. Thank you so much for all you are doing and for all the time you have put into this site and trying to make a change because this is true support. Take care and keep doing what you do!

  5. kay says:

    Mama V,

    Wow! that was a very poignant post. I am ingratiated by the time you take out of your busy life, to reach out to the eating disorderer community. Since i am now beginning the recovery process, this post was especially relevant. The parts that struck me the most, were the family element, and reaching out for help. (My father is a doctor (surgeon) and made weight comments to me fully aware of the consequences)

    My question to you is, what do you do when you come to the point where you want help, but you just cannot find the courage to ask for it.? I am receiving treatment becuase my mom found me out, but deep down i wanted to ask for help, but i just could not do it. Also, becuase i figured treatment would somehow chip away at the plans that i have for my future.

  6. The family thing is all too familiar. I had body image issues my whole life and was dieting by age 9, but it didnt progress into such depth until my mom kicked me out at age 13 and I had to live with my aunt where my uncle always called me a hefer and made other random remarks like that. He still does.

    And, as much as I don’t want to admit it, my moms actions and words probably stemmed into it too. Shes a diet pill abuser and constantly complaining about being fat. Even when she was in her 120s at 5’7 she was always “I look fat” etc. Everything is always about looks – must be tan – must be bleach blonde – must dress slutty – must be THIN. Because thats all ppl care about – right? I remember when I moved back from my aunts at 14, BEGGING her to let me take some of her diet pills. She didn’t so what did I do? StarveStarveStarveExerciseBINGEpurgepurgepurgeStarveStarve. ETC. I was determined to lose weight whether she gave me her lousy pills or not. Though, now I just steal them from her.

  7. Jennie says:

    Hi MamaV another very interesting post. I wish I was able to pinpoint the cause of mine, it is mostly brain disease with family mixed in for impetus – from the age of two I was telling everyone I was on a diet. both my parents are rabid dieters and I grew up honestly believing that I was allergic to fat. I thought it was normal to throw up after eating and would frequently forget to eat – sometimes for days at a time. it wasn’t so much that I looked at models and wanted to be like them as just thinking they were normal. they confuse the filter in my brain that doesn’t know what “normal” is.

    I think you may have missed out on one category though, it’s one that doesn’t receive a lot of attention but has the same issues. Gymnasts and divers are put under enormous pressure to lose weight (also other sports, but I’m speaking from experience). amenorrhea is considered optimal and the diets are very restrictive. I was told constantly that I was too fat and that I should stop eating, I was also quizzed on my calorie and fat intake. add to that the rigorous training for hours a day makes for a very unhealthy lifestyle couched in perfectly healthy terms.

    Because coaches come from a position of trust, especially when training such young girls, we tend to believe them – they start having the power over us and become a parent figure. we want them to be proud and their comments start having almost as much power as a parent’s.

    the musculature that develops (both sports need extreme strength and build a great deal of muscle) makes everything worse. the weight is higher for one thing which fuels the demons but is also insidious and dangerous. the BMI doesn’t include muscle mass so it’s easy to miss the signs. it also changes our natural shape which makes models and celebrities more damaging – ‘if that is what is desirable than what am I? ‘ so the spiral tightens even more..

    This is turning into yet another long comment from me and I’m sorry, it’s such a big area to cover. I did want to say how much your blog has affected me, I’m really rising above my condition now and seeing, finally, how sick I really was. I am now up to three well rounded meals a day for the first time in i don’t know how many years. It’s actually nice. food is tasting good and, surprising as this may sound, I haven’t gained any weight! It’s finally occurred to me that eating is a good thing – what a strange concept!

  8. tinatangos says:

    I always feel so refreshed when I read your blog. I do not have an eating disorder, but I do know people who do, so it gives me hope for those people that I love when I read what you have to say.

    I wanted to show you this article that one of my dance teachers wrote (I’m a tango dancer, but for fun, I have been known to dabble in middle-eastern dance… and this is that teacher who wrote this article)… just to show that there are others out there who are on your side, who are striving in whatever way they can to make a positive difference in this world. I only hope that someday when I am a mother, I can instill creativity and confidence in my children :-)
    Here is the article..

    Tina (I’ve commented before, from but am signed on to my tango blog right now so you may not recognize me.)

  9. lilly says:

    I watched the video, and I agree, it’s ridiculous.

    I’m a purging anorexic, and have been for over 4 years. I’m now 17, and my life revolves around watching other people eat. I’ll eat 200 calories and then throw up. I hate it. Theoretically, I’m in recovery, but it’s a struggle to eat normally. I don’t want to be fashionably thin, it never had anything to do with the media. It was all me, and is all me, and always was all me. It runs in my family, numerous studies (Holland et al, Kendler et al) have shown links between EDs and genetics. I wish I could be normal. Thanks for standing up for those of us really suffering.

  10. mamavision says:

    Hi Lilly: Thanks for sharing your story, such pain you have been through. Don’t give up hope that you can work through it and recover.

    Since you mention genetics, is your ED associated with anxiety or OCD in anyway? Mine was associated with anxiety and the medications avialable are life changing. Literally life changing.

    I wish you all the best, and if you would like to chat privately send me your email.

  11. Miko says:

    You really are something.
    Seriously though, you don’t do any good for the anorexic community at all. All you do is post pictures and videos that could easily trigger anoretics, more than actually helping them. One of the girls you have so gracefully stolen a picture of is probably not too happy about it, you announcing her disease – making her seem braindead to everyone else. You HURT people too.

  12. Joey says:

    Hey, it’s me again…

    isn’t that video thesame as ‘Internet Suicide’??

    as for your different categories – i think you’re right, but it’s definitely a combination of different ones for different people. mine’s almost completely 1, except part of me wants to be anorexic, but that’s not because the media implies it’s good, but because it’s a kinda cry for help.

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  14. Mel says:

    a part on the brain disorder: chemical imbalances are actually largely caused by behaviour – so I wouldn’t put too much hope in ED being a brain disease. ED is a self-perpetuating disorder for sure.
    Too much seretoinan for example could be seen as a cause of ana. (I’m procrastating here taking a break from my huuuge project so I’m cutting corners sorry :)) As this decreases appetite – as well as in some cases causes manic like states. Accountable for sometimes highly rituatlized behaviours of the anoretic.
    So – if one does not eat they will make less and less seretonian – and thus become hungry however this lack of eating causes other chemicals to get be made. A common result is what becomes classified as depression:
    then the brain grows more seretonian recpetors and it starts all over again. While all this goes on more and more chemicals get out of balance.
    So it is *very* difficult to classify ED as a brain disorder. If we are using this kind of evidence then positively everything is a brain disorder; and mind drugs may or may not actually be helpful in treating ED; unfortunately the medical community is postively in love with these drugs and in the US only certain kinds of these drugs that tend to have many side effects (making it difficult then to even be able to define what a drug does: Welbutrin is a good example of that kind of thing)

    Just a thought: I’m pretty disillusioned with the brain disease theory. I think it will do more harm than good to have it classified this way. On the one hand insurance agencies will possibly cover more treatment: on the other it becomes a pre-existing condition once a girl falls off her parents insurance or married or whatever and can be not covered. Compounded with that the medical community and psychological community can say that’s what it is and stop talking about it to move on to other more important issues: like sustaining erections. (I couldn’t help but sound bitter here but I’m sure you get my point: ED is a largely female disease, the medical community is largely male-foucsed. This seems like an awfully easy out.)

    As for the seretonian and ana hypothesis I have so many friends that would completely debase this study because the same results would be reached if they were being studied all but one problem: they aren’t ana. – they use XTC which cases a seretonian dump the dump occurs once the MDMA reaches the brain and triggers it; the seretonian floods the brain for six to eight hours, extra seretonian floats around for a week and fasting often occurs – just not hungry. Once the seretonian is depleated binge-like behavious occurs and a depression: though more seretonian is made… Basically their brain is going through the same processes but they do not have ED; nor are they exhibting other symptoms aside from possibly fasting and binging – it is not like an ED fast/binge episode, one definatly would not want to say it is the same. But the brain disease theory is coming very close to it and may if indeed such a study were to occur (but I think for political purposes it most certainly would not)

  15. mamavision says:

    Hi Kay: You bring up an interesting point about wanting help and not asking for it. This is very typical, as the saying goes “crying out for help,” meaning you do things, or make it obvious you have a problem….hoping someone will notice.

    In your case, as you mentioned you were found out. I hope you are doing well in your recovery.

    For those who have not been found out….and really want to get help- start with helping yourself. Go to, the site of the National Eating Disorders Association, for wealth of information.

    Take care!

  16. mamavision says:

    Hi Mel: Thanks for the info, you make some valid points. I am going to check out XTC, I have not heard of it.
    Take care!

  17. mamavision says:

    Mel: So when you say XTC you are refering to Ecstasy?

  18. Mel says:

    Yes and No: XTC is the term for anything that dumps seretonian and has the UP effect (often but not awlays followed by a down) Usually MDMA or MDA – occassionally MDE (meth) get put into this catagory though it does not create necessarily this reaction as meth is synthetic dophamine. There are all kinds of herbal XTCs however that are not MDMA.
    Ecstasy is a more specific term: usually a pill (verses MDMA powder) in which one hopes for MDMA to be the “main” ingredient and is usually combined with cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamine.

  19. mamavision says:

    Miko: I am confident I do more hurt than good. I sleep well at night knowing I am doing something for this cause.

    As far as the girls who are hurt by having their images exposed, hopefully it will promote them to seek help…or they will be found out and someone in their lives will save them from themselves.

    I am not announcing their disease, they are announcing it themselves.
    And yes, I am really something.

  20. Jaime says:

    Hi. This is a really great video. Thank you for posting it. This is you talking, right? I’m wondering how you beat this thing. I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for 10 years and I’m completely sick of it but I don’t think I would qualify for admission to an ED program because I’m not truly disordered anymore but am definitely not recovered, either. I’m also afraid to go into a hospital. How did you recover? Is it truly possible to free of this thing or is it a daily monitoring process for you?

    Thanks in advance.

    PS: I love your site. I am going to read it every day. :)

  21. sofia says:

    You really are a mummy! =) thanks, for doing what ypu’re doing, for being who you are, you beautiful woman.
    2 years ago i´ve started my battle against bulimia. now, with 20 years old, i’ve consider myself a much healtier person, because i don’t purge anymore.. the problem is that that horrible disease that made me pass for such terrible and infernal times, is still inside me. and looking at these pro ana mia websites, made me miss that, because, in a sort of way, bulimia was my friend, aq shitty friend, but a friend, for making me thin.
    Anyway, i just want to say that i’ve discovered your blog “accidently”, while i was feeding my “zombie disease” and beacuse of you… i’ve lost my apetite!! :) thank you! (i don’t know if i made myself clear in this post.. my english is not so great.. lol)


  22. EllesBelles says:

    Hey mamavision,

    i came across your other video from you tube tonight and thought id come check your blog out. I was anorexic for 2 years when i was 16, and have been ed-nos now for another two. I am much much better, and my friends and family have helped me through such a hard time. I am at university now and, despite a very low patch last year where i drifted into purging, i still buy food and i physically i am much much better.
    I have always thought that my ed was a disease, an illness that had to be helped, because i cant seem to change the way i think.or i can for maybe two hours and then i get hit with a wave of guilt for eating. But maybe the thing about someone saying i was fat might be true, i remember my dad saying something when i was about a bit younger than my anorexia started, i have never looked at it that way before. but does that mean my illness was stemmed from that? or that i am subconciously hurting myself to prove to my dad that i am good enough?
    Today was a bad day for me, i was trying on clothes after work and i was depressed about my body,about my reflection, which led me to look up pro ana pictures, but finding your youtube video amongst the bones made me realise i was doing better and to look at what you had to say, rather than push myself back to the place that hurts.

    I find your views very inspiring. I already work in the fashion industry and even now at my position in a beauty house i am constantly reminded about how i feel in my low points, by the glossy adverts and ideas of beauty and weight. I agree with you that pro ana sites do offer negative thoughts and posted pictures and sometimes even diet help, but also the forums are full of women trying to recover and trying to help others to recover.
    I joined one in my low patch last year and many of the women on that site helped me to push out of it.I dont want to be ED-Nos,or purge, or drift back to anorexia. I dont want to feel upset about my stomach or worry about my weight and I believe I have a disease and I can recover from it and i want to. Its very inspiriring to hear of someone like you mamavision, who has overcome this completely and i hope i can become as strong as you one day and recover my mind as well as my body. I see the women in the pro ana pictures and still crave to be skinnier, but i just dont force myself to control everything anymore.Its so good to know there is someone trying to help, i hope soon enough i can try and do the same.

    Thankyou again, Elles, xxx

  23. Samira* says:


  24. Chloe says:

    I wanted to say thankyou. I came across your site through webiteback. I do agree, anyone of us who says we are happy is wrong, deluded. we arent happy. but the probelm is it runs so deep. I hate binging, starving, vomiting every day. I really do. I hate it. But I am so scared of life without it, it is such a paradox, I know it is killing me, but I am too frightened to live without it. I have had a number of different recovery attempts with psychiatric treatment and I have been hospitalised. I have tried to get better. but it is the same treatment every time and it doesnt ever hir the true reasons why I have an ED and why the ED continues. i really want to change things. things have to change. EDs are at epidemic proportions and unless the way in which things are dealt with change then nothing will. The media perpetuate Pro ana sites, with the coverage they provide. i did not know about pro ana sites until they were covered in the media.
    of course we sufferers have to take responasabilty, but in a sick way at times we actually are. what about tose girls like me who honstly try time and time again to get better, but the system fails us? I was cucked out of a treatment center because I started to relapse. that was the only reason, not because I didnt want to get better but because I could not. I have asked for my self
    esteem to be worked on but have been told that it is so low I will just sabotage my treatment. what about me?
    I really HATE the whole pro ana thing. I really do, but it is the only place where I can be with other people like myself. I so wish there was something better. I hate the whole tips thing. I really do. I dont do that. I think people develop their own behaviours. i ahev some which i would not ever want anyone else to do. I wont be giving anyone else tips. I just cant have that on my concience.
    I just want to be able to help people, no one should EVER have to live like this

  25. sheree says:

    hey everyone ive had an ed for about 4 yrs and hospitalised 3 times and im only 18 i think these pro ana sights should be removed from the internet because its really inapropriate

  26. shanzeee says:

    this is my first time looking at your site, i think i’ll be coming here more often.
    one thing you said really hit home, about being scared to have children because you fear instilling eating disordered stuff in them.
    i’m terrified of that.
    i’m only 20 and won’t have kids for a bit but i am so worried of subconciously passing along my warped views on thinness, eating, and self-control. i would never forgive myself if i did.
    i’m amazed that you had two kids. how did you manage not to do that?
    you did mention that you weren’t a full blown anorexic, which not to diminish anything… but i was. i’ve been in the hospital numerous times, and even tho i’m doing extremely well right now, i still have the distorted thougts in the back of my head.
    how can i take the risk of passing it on to someone else?

    take care

  27. michelle says:

    I really agree with what you say but when I weigh more than the boy i am totally in love with all tha you said doesn’t matter, and i feel horrible about myself allll over again. I just want to starve until I am at my goal weight and then I would quit for sure. i would be happy and i guarantee levi would give me the attention instead of it always going to my skinnier best friends. it sucks being the fat one even though i know that you are right.

  28. marie says:

    This is an amazing site. I can’t really express how wonderful it makes me feel that this site is here. Support and love to everyone.

  29. Claudia says:

    I do not have an eating disorder
    but I am worried that I might develop one
    I don’t like to eat unhealthy food especially sugary foods
    and I love to excersize my will power.

    I dont want to be anorexic but i feel that it may be inevitable
    ideally I would like to loose a tiny bit of weight and it annoys me that even though I cycle to school I do not get slimmer.

    I also like attention and as I dont get that much it might make me anorexic

    This is really pathetic since loads more girls need your time more than me I was just wondering if I am consious about what i eat could it lead to anorexia and if so is there anything I can do about it?


  30. Annaleice says:

    I… Well I have been suffering for almost 8 yrs now. I do not know anyone I can tell. I used to have friends and family that new and would help. I used to have friends that did it with me. Now I am all by myself. Its almost like well I cant tell anyone bcause I am to old to have this problem. I cant stop. It towers over my head always. I don’t know what else to do. I have been to the lowest. Sometimes I think it feels good. I really do know that I am committing suicide I can feel it. Sometimes it just doesnt matter. I have researched it and I know just about everything about it. After 8 yrs it just doesnt matter to me I know all the terrible things it does to me. I just can’t stop even if I try. I have been trying. I guess I would just like to know is there tue recovery. Can I get better? It seems to be the only importance in my life anymore. A battle that I just cant win but can’t stop trying. I don’t know. I think I love it and I know thats bad but just can’t ever see myself without it.

  31. JEANETTE says:


  32. Lolli says:

    I NEED HELP! I have been anorexic for a 1 1/2 years and I recently had a mentle break-down and blurted the truth to my mom, who I thought could help me. I WAS WRONG! She screamed at me and blamed my boyfriend! Then she basically called me “just another failure”!!! I NEED HELP NOW! PLEASE! What do I do now?!?!?!?!

  33. Kathy says:

    and, you forgot its a self-protecting desease.

  34. JustStartingAgain says:

    This is my first time on this site. I’m happy that someone actually listens to me and the other girls who say we want to be thin, even if you dont agree its nice to be heard once in a while, instead of hearing the old “yor not fat” junk.
    I used to live in a house with my mother who wasn’t directly pro-ana. She was stick thin and anorexic herself, she would only eat veggies and drink coffee. thats it. My issue didnt start until i was mid high school. Whenever i looked in the mirror. let me tell you, i was fat! so gross. My mother didnt make it any better, she would strive to be the thinnest out of me and my three sisters. When we would watch TV shed see a thin women and say “see? shes thinner than me, just so we would say no and tell her she was thinner than that woman on tv. My mom used to cook for us, and she would drown the food in oil and butter so wed eat bad, and shed be the one eating veggies. So wed get fat and shed still be the thinnest. I had enough. I began to throw or give away the lunches the would give me, id show up at school early and flush some of it in the bathrrom or give the rest away. When it was breakfast i would wait until everyone left the room and shove the food in my backpack so i could get rid of it at school. eveyr once in a while i couldnt control myself and i would eat a piece of bread or like a mini-bagel. I hated myself and my body. But soon i started to lose weight, it was so awesome. I had a pair of pants that i bought when i started high school, they fit ok. but by senior year, the were so lose and fit so comfy. i needed a belt! i never needed that before!!! My skin cleared up, i thought i looked awesome. I was starting to buy size 5s in pants. Now i know its not that small, but it was for me. It wasnt enough though. It was awesome, i looked so good.
    Eventually i dont even know why, i let myself go, i would say, today is going to be a new day, but it never was. Ever. I would just pig out again and again.
    I gained so much weight, wow im very heavy now. People keep on telling me that im not bug but i am, believe me. So now im going to start again and this is my first time ever trying to find a site to help me with it. I think im really gonna need some support this time. I’ll be back for sure!!

  35. Laura says:

    I want to make this clear to anyone I happen to meet: ANOREXIA IS NOT AN EFFING MEDIA DISEASE!!!!

    EATING DISORDERS HAVE BEEN AROUND SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME. In ancient rome and greece, there are documented records of people bingeing and purging (bulimia). All across the world, people “fasted to get closer to God/spirit guide/mother nature.” They said that they did this to “cleanse.” A LOT OF EFFING ANOREXICS SAY THIS TODAY. THAT THEY ARE “CLEANSING” or “PURIFYING.” That is what they feel, even though we know now that it is unhealthy. Did they have magazines, or cameras, or TVs in ancient Greece/Rome/France/Etc? I DIDN’T THINK SO. Blaming EDs on the media is just like blaming your parents for your problems– They might be a factor, but in the end your problems are YOUR EFFING PROBLEMS.


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