Show me the love.

The pro-anorexic community is consistent on one topic – they are a “support” site. I need some help grasping this girls.

where is the support? i don’t see it.

where is the love? i don’t feel it.

send me examples. specific examples.

a better life awaits. i am living proof.

trust me. i am on your side.

XOXO

-mamaVISION

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58 Responses to Show me the love.

  1. Lindsey says:

    I wanted to email this to you, but I am not seeing an email address. There’s a great music video by Jason Mraz of a song he wrote for the show Ugly Betty that is available for free download on iTunes. It’s about how we should accept what’s inside, and there’s a sequence where all these people get Photoshopped, then decide to throw away the “fixed” version of themselves for their true self. It’s pretty good, and I thought you might be interested.

    Here’s the link were I found out about it: http://freeitunessongs.blogspot.com/2007/02/video-ugly-bettyjason-mraz-beauty-in.html

    Thanks – love what you’re doing here!

  2. kay says:

    hey mama V,
    I apologize if it seemed like i was coming from a place of malice, but its just that i have been working so hard to get to go to D.C. and now that does not look like that is going to happen. I unfairly blamed you for my actions, and i am sorry for that. I realized it was me hurting my family, when my mom read all of my posts to these ProAna sites, and cried so hard she couldn’t breathe. I want so badly to stop all of this, but i feel it is the only way i can manage the burden of being their perfect child. I want to become an ambassador, foreign relations, and negotiations are my passion. I want to live, so that my life can mean something, but at the same time, i have that voice saying I can never do that, and purging and starving is going to be my contribution. I just wanted to say that i thank you for your site, and that it does make a difference, and i’m not as mad at you as i was yesterday.

  3. mamavision says:

    Hi Kay: I am so glad you wrote back…..no need to apologize. I thought your post was honest, direct, and totally appropriate- just the way I like it. :)

    Thanks for sharing your core reason for your ED- perfectionism is one of the the usual suspects. I hope and pray your mom, me, and others in your life can get you the help you need to move on to what you were meant to do here on earth. You certainly were not brought here for such a life of struggle.

    Not to get too deep on you, but do you believe everything happens for a reason? I do. There is literally nothing that I look back on in my life and say why did that happen? Through time I realize it was all part of the plan for me. For example, if I didn’t go through my modeling hell, we wouldn’t be talking right now, this blog would not exist. If I didn’t lose my neice and nephew, I would never have the compassion for others I have, and the true regard for how fragile life is.

    This is one of your defining moments kiddo. Just writing this to you is making me cry. I can feel your state of mind through your words, and it probably seems like everything is crumbling down….but I promise you are headed down this new path for a reason.

    Please write anytime, if you want to exchange emails let me know so we can communicate privately. Give that mom of yours a big hug for me :)

    Love,
    mamaV

  4. You hit the nail on the head, Mama!! Having visited those sites before, the people there are looking for “that type support.” They think that is “support.” They’re in so deep that they just don’t see what they’re looking at. I was lucky enough to never really get any ideas from these sites, but I have visited them. I was older when I visited them so I kind of think I knew better. The scary thing is the younger girls and teens that are looking at these sights. They don’t really know about eds and the dangers. It’s scary.

    I love this post/video.

  5. Amanda says:

    I really liked this video you did….. I’m interested in seeing the answers the pro ana girls that come on here will give you. I’ve always wondered the same questions you’re asking them. I just don’t see the “support.” Yeah, I guess I can see how they’re been morphed into thinking it’s “support”, but it’s all negative.. they’re “supporting” them in a slow suicide. I know I’m no one to speak, considering Ive done and still do my fair share of starving, binging, purging, etc but still to imagine someone encouraging me to do so, and telling me how to purge more effectively is just so sad and sickening. I hope you help atleast a few girls come to realization with this video. I know your posts make a difference to me.

    xoxo

  6. Danyel says:

    Yeah- I’ll be honest as I was in the other reply I left that I use to frequent these sites but I don’t anymore. They’re a huge percentage of the reason I turned to certain behaviors. Though I was already extremely disordered when I found these websites I felt a sense of comfort and unaloneness. (If that is even a word) What is sad is after I became consumed in these sites I was more alone than ever. More isolated within myself that before and more afraid to come out of the darkness about it. I understand why people think it’s support- but it’s more of a “Help me stay sick, because I don’t know what to do right now” kind of support. Because- I went to these sites with NO intentions of recovery, in fact that was the farthest from my mind. I wanted to perfect the skill I had aquired and I was going to do it by any means possible. Looking back I feel like a fool because I opened pandora’s box the day I decided to join in on the Pro-ED community…. and now I can’t even remember what normal is like anymore for the ED has been a part of me for over 7 years. You’re right about being miserable, no doubt. What kind of life is it to sit down and try to remember feeling HAPPY about eating a bowl of icecream? You know you’re far gone when you try to think about when you felt normal about eating..and cannot remember…

    I’m at that point and it sucks big toes. But I appreciate your blogs and your vlogs. They make me smile and spark my interest. I’m glad I’m finding a friend in you.

  7. Mel says:

    While websites do not have the ability to screen who sees them and uses them you seem to be talking about pro-ana communities namely on livejournal. However, most users tend to back away from those they know are not actually already suffering from an ED. Time and time again – there is a pretty elitest attitude among these communities. There is support to reduce the harm you are *already* doing to your body. Even if it is something as seemingly stupid as recommending a toothbrush on a string if you are purging with a toothbrush.
    It may not be the kind of support you think these girls need but that doesn’t make it not support. You haven’t, however, defined support so I will. Support has to do with validation and recognition of an inidvidual’s personhood. Support has to do with maintaining and holding up a person, idea, or behavior – which pro-ana communities do.
    Support is there in harm reduction as well as validation. Unfortuantely, a lot of girls in pro-ana communities feel like they can only control their bodies and etc. and a great many are young women living at home with thier parents who are unfortunately are correct in assuming they can *only* control their bodies and food. The emphasis on hiding things from parents (or sometimes boyfriends) I think supports this statement. I think the real issue here is that the communities are the only place they are validated as people – even if in stupid and very dangerous ways.

    One issue I haven’t seen you explore much in this blog is the root control issue. As an eating disordered person I *do* think it plays a HUGE role. More so than brain chemistry (which can be altered and the behaviours still persist), more so than a fashion industry in which a girl may or may not be interested…
    But I think a root cause of eating disorders in the US (and Japan) and one which the communities address is this issue of control and oppression inherent in the ways American parents parent. Espeically true when it comes to daughters I think but more and more being the general over-protective-hyper-paranoid overbearing controling “norm” for how Americans parent. I really think as a culture we are simply loving and guiding our children to death: and pro-ana communities provide possibly the only affirmation that these girls are indeed individuals and support choices that are made: but the only actual choices are suddenly about food. No one, after all, can MAKE you eat.

  8. Niika says:

    This is a difficult question for me. Because I do, quite often, see the support, and feel the love. And yet sometimes we are also helping others destroy themselves without even realizing it.

    But then again, that makes me wonder — how do you REALLY distinguish between what harms somebody and what reduces the harm they would have already done to themselves? I mean, even that toothbrush question could be an example. If the girl was ALREADY purging, and was using a toothbrush, COULDN’T she at some point already swallow it? Shouldn’t the risks of eating disordered behavior be pointed out to someone with an eating disorder? And if the person is going to do it no matter WHAT you say, shouldn’t you help her reduce the harm she does to herself?

    I mean, I’m not advocating purging. I know first-hand how f’ing terrible and degrading and painful it is. It’s disgusting, and it sucks, and I wish no one ever felt compelled to do it. But let’s face facts — a lot of girls in these communities DO. And if the “tips” (I would debate using that word when referring to a behavior someone ALREADY does) help her to cause less damage to her body, it seems to me that there is almost some merit in those tips.

    This whole thing is hard for me, because I see and experience both sides of this debate, and I often experience both of them AT THE SAME TIME. This has the effect of making me feel like I’m talking from both sides of my mouth, or like I’m lying to one side or the other, when in reality I have a lot of conflicting views on the subject and I’m just trying to get my own head straightened away.

  9. Linda says:

    if you did your research you would know that if anyone encouraged someone else to purge, Kristi, would delete their comment/post and possibly ban he or she from the site.
    many other communities are giving each other hurtful tips, but one of the rules in Kristi`s community ‘pro anorexia’ was that if you gave someone hurtful tips, i.e purging after a binge, they would be banned. many girls were banned and many post were deleted because they weren`t following those rules.

    NO ONE in proaniorexia encourage people to purge (if they do, they will be banned by the current moderator Dylan).
    people are however encouraging each other to stop purging. and a lot of the girls are also following a “1ooo calories a day” plan to be more healthy.

    I agree with you that a lot of the proanrexics forums out there are giving bad advice, but pro anorexia isn`t one of them. Kristi changed that, with new rules and she deleted everyone who gave unhealthy tips.
    you should really know what you`re talking about before you speak. read the community rules and get a grip.

    oh and btw, you said that we just got on with our life? did you know that the ones closest to kristi are still grieving and that this video is very upsetting to them?

  10. Karen says:

    Hi…sorry but you say you dont see the support…have you seen the 1000cal challenge…have you seen the backbone of pro ana posting every day at different times tips for improving self image….and factual information about binging and purging….about muscle wastage and other such dangers…have you seen that many girls get support to NOT kill themselves…the hours talking on msn on mobile phones….talking to the girls and guys on proana trying to help them…im a member of pro ana…im in “recovery” i talk to a group every day where we try and eat more and more…try to improve our self image…try to stay alive….also…the pro ana site you are talking about actively discourages tips…tips are removed!

  11. Danyel says:

    I like wordpress, I made a blog!

  12. Julie says:

    I’m glad these so-called “support” sites didn’t exist when I was anorexic. It would have been harder for me to recover if I’d had access to them. My profound loneliness and disconnection from others, while painful, was a primary motivating factor in my getting the help I needed.

    Group therapy, online or in person, is a tricky venture in the best possible circumstances, and group therapy for eating disorders is especially risky. Eating disorders commonly use societal influence to sustain themselves, so groups of ED sufferers can too easily develop a self-destructive dynamic which can become the antithesis of recovery.

    I’m sharing your site and YouTube videos with all the other moms I know. Bravo to you for your courage. Thank you!

  13. Niika says:

    Okay. You wanted specific links to show where we support each other and even care for each other? Well, I did some digging around proanorexia from the first few pages of entries — and it didn’t take me very long to find many examples of the sort of support and caring you can experience on these sites.

    http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/32823551.html
    “chick do whats best for u. best wishes for the future n hpe ur ok!”
    “good luck with everything hun. be safe ((hugs)) ”
    “Good luck. I hope you’re feeling more positive soon.

    http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/32831839.html
    “*hugs* you’re not alone. xx”
    “Oh I wish everyone was feeling okay!! **Big Squeeze** for you all”
    “Feel better, Darling xxx”

    http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/32832992.html
    “I just wanted to make you guys laugh!! I know some of you needed it…. I hope it worked!!”

    Or if you want something related to food…

    http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/32826683.html
    In this post you have: Girl freaking out about a sandwich.
    Another member asking what was so bad about that, other than that EVIL cheese.
    Still another member commenting that “A little bit of cheese isnt horrible for you actually. Women need dairy”
    Mind, there is a “tip” in there; but the vast majority of this post is actually positive — and NOT entirely blown out of proportion, as some might expect of a proanorexia community.

    I also found a Friends-only post wherein a member asked: Should I eat under 700 cals a day, or 1000 cals a day? (There is a 1000-cal plan that has become popular on proanorexia. Now, 1000 cals may not seem like a lot to you, but it’s FAR more than most of the girls eat in a normal day.) There were four responses from reputable members, and EVERY SINGLE PERSON told this girl to eat 1000 calories a day.
    “when you ate 700 calories and lost 10 lbs you also lost muscles. when you eat 1000 cals a day you don`t lose as much muscle + your metabolism will be better so over all you will lose more.”

    I hope this gives you a little glimpse, at least, of the sort of support we do experience on this site, and others like it.

  14. mamavision says:

    Hi palmtreechick and all: Your post just made me recall something that PROFOUNDLY guided me through these years.

    When I was 16, and brainwashed into thinking I was fat by my Paris modeling agent (ie. “You have a big job on Monday, don’t eat all weekend.” was the norm), I came back to the states and knew I needed help.

    I told my mom and she researched ED counselors and she found an absolute gem named Geri. Geri somehow talked me through everything I was thinking about my body image, no medication, just pure talk therapy. I could not grasp why I had the thoughts I did, why did I feel fat and look in the mirror and see fat when I was not?

    Geri said something that stuck to me to this day, and I want to pass this on to you.

    “When you are in puberty, a young adult, your brain is developing and therefore ideas are easier to implant,” she told me. “Think of your brain like a ball of clay, it can be molded in any direction, and the people in your life can greatly effect your thoughts and feelings about yourself. We are now remolding you back to normal.”

    The problem with proana sites is that if you are young, immature, inexperienced, and struggling with the changes your body is going through….seeing the comments and thinspiration images can so quickly negatively effect self esteem.

    Ahhh, just typing these words makes my stomach flutter, I just recall how totally miserable I was….living and breathing thoughts of food is HELL! I never want to go back there.

    The moral of the story- you can escape. The first step is to raise your hand and tell someone you trust you need help!

    Love to all,
    mamaVISION

  15. mamavision says:

    Hi Mel: Thanks for your thought provoking post. I read it a few times over, so now I will respond.

    Your definition of support is very insightful. Particularly stating that the support the proana sites give is validation and recognition.

    VALIDATION
    When you use these words, do you mean validation as a person or validation for their behaviors? Perhaps both?

    Validation as a person is probably at the core of the issue.

    Validation for the behavior is going to be easily be found because all members are driven to the site for the same reason. The problem is this validation is deadly.

    Here’s where your comment about harm reduction comes in, how I read this is you are stating “they are going to do this behavior, so we might as well give them the advice or support to do the behavior in a less harmful way.” Correct?

    RECOGNITION
    In this context, is it recognition as a person, that someone cares? This I do see….but this caring always seems vailed in the other persons own needs. From the outside observers perspective, all the girls on the sites appear totally selfish. I don’t say this in a cruel way or even in a conscience way. I use the term selfish because when you are anorexic, you are totally incapable of supporting another because you are absorbed in yourself. Feel free to debate me on this one.

    For example, you and I are both on the proana site. I tell you I binged, I hate myself, and I would rather be dead. You respond and tell me its ok, you’ve done it too, run up and down the stairs and I will feel better. Now here we are both in a state of mind that we are incapable of really, truly helping each other- aren’t we?

    -mamaVISION

  16. mamavision says:

    Thanks Amanda, well said. You keep on track ok?
    -mamaVISION

  17. mamavision says:

    Hi Niika: I followed your post completely…its hard to get your head around it isn’t it? As I read it, the thought of the AA concept came into my mind.

    Alcoholics get together to express their feelings, experiences and struggles in a group setting. Others listen, validate each other, and give them recognition. All members of the group pledge sobriety. They may fall off the wagon, but the members of the group pick them up and they start over on the right path.

    Here we have anorexics, supporting anorexics, with seemingly no plan or intention of getting better. This is where I get stuck.

    The behaviors are very harmful, like purging. But I would venture to say, I would rather have the girl engage in this behavior until she hurts herself, gets dehydrated, or is found out…..then she at least has a chance of getting help sooner rather than later. Don’t these tips just prolong the inevitable?

    -mamaVISION

  18. kay says:

    hey mama V,
    I do believe everything happens for a reason, but being the control freak i am, i always feel that i should know why things are happening..does that make sense at all? I am trying to figure out what could possibly be the reason for my current lot in life. I wonder why i belong to the parents i belong to..my mom is african-american ( but very fair complected) and my father is french/italian. I have always hated that about myself. Especially living in a predominantly black neighborhood, and having kids beat me up, because they thought I esteemed myself to a higher standard than they. I hope it is not too ostentatious, but i would very much so like to exchange emails. Love ya

  19. mamavision says:

    Hi Linda: I appreciate your comments, however I do not appreciate your tone. I speak to you and your community with respect and I deserve the same.

    Your information is invalid. I retrieved my information from Kristi’s saved files which are were still on Live Journal as of yesterday. I just went back to find them and they are deleted. I do however have a screen shot which you can view here:
    http://mamavision.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/purgechick.png

    If Kristi was a proponent of not purging, why did she value the views and opinions of a girl called Purge Chick who maintained a page called Purgatorium?

    On to the topic of the 1000 calorie diet. With all due respect Linda, a 1000 calorie diet is not healthy, it is not livable. You know this and I know this so why are we all pretending this is ok?

    Here’s some comments I cut and pasted 5 minutes ago, please send your perspective on these. I need to understand how this helps to read and comment on these posts:

    “i havent eaten anything yet today (its 6:33) so thats goooood”

    “I’m also stealing groceries tomorrow (though this time it won’t be cheesecake and cookies like it was today)”

    “buttttt that’s a total of 290 today, and I went to the gym and burned about 900 cals, so I’m all good and negative!”

    I will end on a semi-positive note. I found this post, a girl on the brink of suicide, and the members are very supportive and giving what appears to be solid advice. I do think that in this case, your community is literally saving a life:

    http://community.livejournal.com/proanorexia/32846992.html

    -mamaVISION

  20. mamavision says:

    Hi Karen: Thank you for your input. I have seen the 1000 calorie diet and I do not see the healthy approach in this. What I do see is that the proana community sees this as “progress”…..so that definetly stands for something. I just want to point out that this diet is no where near normal or healthy.

    I would like to see examples of girls such as yourself in recovery, who are working together to encourage each other to eat more each day. Can you please send me some links to take a look at?

    If you don’t mind me asking, when you say recovery, does that mean that you are seeing a professional of some sort? Does the professional approve of your involvement on the proana sites? I am curious about this so I hope to hear back from you, from everything I read ED specialists think the sites “shout fire” so I would like to hear about ED specialists that believe the sites serve a positive purpose.

    Take care,
    -mamaVISION

  21. mamavision says:

    Hi again Linda: I did not respond to your last statement about the friends and family of Kristi who are greiving. I wanted to let you know that in no way do I intent to cause more suffering.

    I emailed Kristi’s brother, but it bounced back to me. Here is the message, if you have a way to contact him I would appreciate it if you would forward this on:

    Hi Dave: I was led to your post regarding the loss of your sister through Live Journal. My blog focuses on educating parents, family, and friends on the pro-anorexia movement.

    I am so very sorry for the loss if your sister Kristi. I wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I would like to make a donation to a charitable organization in her memory and honor, so I wanted to inquire on the cause most close to your heart.

    Also, I wanted to make you aware that I wrote a posting about Kristi, showing her final words as seen on Live Journal. This posting is receiving a lot of attention, and I thought you may want to view it for yourself. While I will admit, the post is not written in the most compassionate tone of voice, this was intentional, in an effort to draw attention to how anorexia can drive a young, vital life to suicide. Please let me know if you are bothered in anyway by the words I have written, and I will put this information off my blog. I do not intend to offend you or your family in anyway whatsoever. You can see the post here: http://mamavision.com/2007/02/17/internet-suicide/

    Take care, and know that Kristi’s passing is now serving the help young girls who are struggling as she did. I receive emails from all over the world, both privately and through my blog and youtube postings. These girls are crying out for help, and the best part is I am able to help some of them. This is what keeps me writing and contributing to this cause day in and day out.

    Take care, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Kristi,
    mamaVISION

    ———
    Perhaps a memorial to your members who have passed allow your members to post their feelings, and it would show the outside world the care and love you have for each other. Just an idea.

    Take care,
    -mamaVISION

  22. mamavision says:

    Hi Niika: Thanks for sending all the links! I spent time reading them all, and I have to be totally honest with you.

    These comments don’t in anyway reflect to me support. Reading the thoughts and feelings of anorexics, from where I stand today, are comparable to brainwashing victims. I don’t say this in a condecending way, please don’t take it that way.

    I am trying to express that to a normal eater, at a healthy weight, I read these posts and they make me want to cry. That is how far off the thinking is here. Are you unable to see this?

    Love,
    mamaVISION

  23. mamavision says:

    Hey Danyel! Nice blog…keep it rolling!
    :)
    -mamaVISION

  24. mamavision says:

    Thank you, thank you Julie! Interesting perspective since you and I suffered during a time that there was no internet (we are old aren’t we? :)

    Please pass along my blog info to anyone you feel would value the content, I think we are building a really neat community here. You have joined in at what I see as a turning point because the pro-ana community is quite engaged (and enraged with me at times, but that is ok).

    The only way we are going to understand why girls turn to proana- is if we listen, and we try not to judge. I am not always successful at this, but I try. I just get so emotional on the issues, I just want to reach out and save these girls because I know how they are suffering- I sense you do to.

    Welcome aboard!
    -mamaVISION

  25. mamavision says:

    Ok I just posted a million comments, I need to step away from the computer and go home to my family.

    I’ll end on this note for tonight. Whether you love me or hate me, I am glad you are here. Post your comments, good or bad, try to be respectful so we can learn from each other.

    When I look back at all the communication that is taking place on this one video I say to myself, this is making a difference. If I didn’t believe that , I wouldn’t be taking the time and energy to commit to this blog and the people who read it.

    Ok, goodnight all!
    -mamaVISION

    PS I feel like good ole’ Leah is at my side at the moment. Just had to let you know.

  26. Mel says:

    I totally disagree on the bad state of mind: I think only one in the same or a nearby state of mind can help.

    I also think your experience of ED is not anything like mine (though I also was a model, I do not think that had anything to do with it – nor my current issues). I think your experience much closely mirrors the unhealthy thoughts and behaviors *every* girl today faces and is today considered “normal” (honest to god, I know that’s a scary thought)
    But I think the current ED problems on the sites differ greatly and in important ways from what you describe above as your experience.

    I agree that young minds are impressionable: but not necessarily so for a lifetime. Final brain development takes place around 20-21; if it happens early it would begin at 18. I think this makes a huge difference – but in a lot of girls who are genuinely doing it for looks this is the time when they seem to stop. For girls who are having different issues: issues with personhood and over protection (which it seems a LOT of ED recovery is aimed at) this is when ED strenghtens. I also admit because so much of ED recovery literature and treatment involves telling the EDed that they should *listen* to others, follow advice, etc. etc that this is harmful. If the ED is coming from angst and lack of control: it simply will not help to tell the person to listen to their family, etc. Even when those people love them very much.

    When you use these words, do you mean validation as a person or validation for their behaviors? Perhaps both?
    Both: I think they go hand in hand. As someone not far from the teenage years at all, and far more introspective and academic than is healthy – I do not think you can validate someone as a person if you do not *support* or at the least accept their choices: even when you know those choices to be absurd. There are “polite” ways of talking about those you love’s choices you don’t agree with – but very few families operate in this manner at all and even less operate so when the child in question is still seen as a “child” (and therefore incapable of making a descion the parent dislikes – because of course the parent knows better, etc.) So – there are ways to validate a choice and still disgree: this is not really in most parenting methods I’ve expereinece or witnessed. It is not validiating someone if you take choices away or make it appear that there is not choice it will be YOUR way or etc. – Which is how a lot of Americans parent.
    ED commitunites and only if the behavoir becomes validated can one begin to make other possibly healthy choices or make choices at all. If the person never learns how to enforce their choices – which they do in ED communities if they learn nothing else – there can’t be any hope of recovery at all.

    I don’t think anoertics are selfish. Some are yes, some people are inherently selfish – it is human nature and sometimes people just aren’t socialized very well. But I do not think anorexia or bulimia makes you selfish because you are focused on doing this to yourself. I have personally been and supported some new good friends through recovery while not in recovery myself and etc. It is not inherently selfish – no moreso than anything else in society is anyway. People very, very rarely purely interact with another person, someone does always gain more than the other and one loses more than the other. That’s not to say this is right, but common, I don’t think anoeretics do this anymore than other groups. Purge Chick for example, has helped me in a tough spot on some medical issues dealing with purging in harm reduction as well as talking through things rationally. It always seems much, much easier (for me at least) to meta-think someone else’s anxiety that lead to a binge and help them prevent it or just to know “why” or ED in general than it is for my own: but I know that only someone right there with me can do so – otherwise it doesn’t hit home. At the end of the therapy session or my mother’s phonecall or whatever it might be – I can hit up a McD’s and order four value meals and pull over. It simply wasn’t “real” enough. This could be just me – it’s not something I’ve releaved to most people but it’s the truth.

    I do think all of these aspects are important. – But I think there is support, and I think it is important support that I am unsure of how else it could happen. I also admit my experiences in treatment centers for ED have been no less full of “harmful” tips than on pro-ED communities – sometimes moreso because they are even less about harm reduction and more about pulling one over on the docs.

    I wouldn’t rather have someone dehydrated or something because she probably won’t get caught: she’ll probably die. She’ll probably pass out driving or somewhere equally dangerous or simply try to many times and have a heart attack from electrolite imbalance. There are number of things that could happen without harm reduction – not the least of which in my opinion are silly things like bruised hands and puffy cheeks – or creepy burst blood vessels in the eyes (which I’m not sure how to prevent, but I appreciate knowing this can happen).
    We support other kinds of harm reduction – we support drinking – but not drunk driving that’s harm reduction. We support abstience only education which we *know* leads to unprotected sex abortions – regardless of personal opinions all tax payers do. We support prescription drug abuse, in Canada heroin use is now supported, we support big businesses “right” to pollute the earth – but we prefer they do it a certain way. I don’t really think pro-ana communities are any different.

  27. Niika says:

    I never do take your comments as condescention… unlike a lot of the proanorexia members, I know you don’t mean it that way. :)

    I think it’s a little hard for a “normal” person to understand why, to us, this stuff is support. The thing is, the terrible stuff is there, for us, BY DEFAULT. Normal people come from a “normal” perspective, and because on the spectrum we proanorexia members are all, by default, way far down from normal, all normal people can see is the huge gap between normal and “proanorexia”, or whatever you want to call it. For that reason, I totally understand why none of this seems like actual, real support to you.

    However, WITHIN the proanorexia community, we ALSO have a good to terrible spectrum. There are some of us who have eating disorders and yet are still sort of functional — and then there are those of us who are entirely and completely brainwashed. There are some of us who have as much of a handle on nutrition as we can while still being eating disordered (which inherently seems to involve some level of nutritional self-deception), while some of us are absolutely ignorant. Etc etc etc. So to those of us who are in it, there are some things that people can say which seem more like support than tips, and there are things that are blatant tips which do not seem to actually help members at all.

    Does ANY of this make ANY sense to your “normal” perspective? (I put it in quotes because I would debate that there is any such thing as “normal” to begin with, unless by normal you mean non-pathological.)

  28. starbucksxangel says:

    I will girl

  29. When this all started for me the internet was non-existant as well. Wow, that’s scary. I wonder if I would have been worse if I had pro-ana sites to visit 14 years ago.

  30. Abby says:

    I was a member of the purgatorium two years ago, but it seems to have changed drastically since. Back then it was meant to be a safe haven where people with bulimia (and purging anorexics) could go to discuss their life and difficulties and whatnot, and people never gave out tips or anything like that. If anyone showed up who had never purged, they were encouraged as much as possible never to start. But times have changed and it seems to have gone down hill :/ ah well.

  31. Jennie says:

    I think it can be a very self involved condition, it becomes about the calories or fat or carbs, the inches, the pounds, the workouts – there isn’t room to think about anyone else.. it’s exhausting!

    Interestingly, Anorexia is considered to be one of the few psychological conditions that group therapy is considered bad for. because it is so easy to “feed” off other people’s issues and enhance your own.

    For me it came from control, from my mother (who is also longterm ana) and from competitive visual sports such as gymnastics and diving. modern conceptions of beauty in magazines, on TV and movies (and comic books for me).

    I am glad these communities didn’t exist when I was really bad, not for myself – but for the other girls I might have harmed. I am finally turning a corner and starting to move on with my life. I’ve been ana for 20 years now and I am finally beginning to see how truly destructive this behavior was. From the health problems to the mental issues and depression. Thanks Mama V, the support of your blog has been huge – it’s really helping me turn the corner on my problem.

  32. Niika says:

    I just wanted to say, for the record, that the communities “proanorexia” and “purgatorium” are IN NO WAY affiliated with each other, and it is inappropriate to equate the posts from these communities, because they ARE NOT all the same thing. For one thing, proanorexia is a forum wherein mostly anorexics and people with EDNOS post, whereas purgatorium is mostly frequented by bulimics. And, yes, there IS a huge difference.

  33. Julie says:

    Jennie, that’s exactly what I meant; you said it better than I did. I think the reason it’s unique to anorexia has something to do with the physiology of the disease. I’ve wondered if there isn’t some mechanism, deep within our brains, that tells us what to do when forced to survive on limited food, and having to compete with other people for it. Ana does something wonky to this mechanism, and suddenly you’re competing to starve, rather than survive.

    There’s a powerful dynamic created which is difficult if not impossible to control. It’s invisible, often even wordless. Yeah I’m old — I was anorexic in the 80s and there were no online communities back then — but I’ve been to hundreds of group therapy sessions, and in each one, without exception, this strange, underlying competitiveness.

    So I’m not going to say these sites are bad, or should be shut down. I agree with mamaV, that this would be like burying one’s head in the sand. Let me just share to all who are suffering this fact: you are not an eating disorder. You just have one. Don’t lose yourself in this identity, and keep holding on to people who love you, even if you’re sure they won’t understand.

    Thank you again MV…

    Julie

  34. Joey says:

    Hey, it’s me again!!

    As I was the one to start the 1000cal Challenge i just want to say a few words.

    If someone is not going to enter full recovery (whether our of choice or circumstances), isn’t it better that they live life as normally and healthily as they can whilst they’re sick? Eating that amount is not normal and not healthy (though this is variable – those who are small, do little exercise, have severe metabolic damage and eat the right proportions of food are as healthy as they will ever be at that kindof amount), but it’s a significant improvement upon the norm. 1000 calories is a HUGE amount to an anorexic, and many anorexics metabolic systems are so badly damaged that they will gain weight if they eat more than a few hundred calories. Many members of proanorexia who have attempted 1000 calories report feeling happier, having more energy, thinking more rationally, bingeing less (and therefore purgeing less)…and many have done so well that they are now seeking full recovery because the challenge has given them a snapshot of what life can be like.

    Jo

  35. Muse says:

    I’ve been enjoying your blog. I admire your courage and guts for posting on these topics. I would like to link to you if you don’t mind. (I understand if not.) If you can find any areas that we in our community need to work on, we’re all ears. I want there to be open communication between those who have eating disorders, those in recovery, and those who just have to “live with us” so to speak. The more we all communicate, the more likely we are to remove the problem entirely.

    Please… keep writing.

  36. mamavision says:

    Hello L: I received an error when I click your link, I can no log in because I am not a member. Can you instead cut and paste the info you would like to send along?
    Thank you!
    -mamaVISION

  37. mamavision says:

    Hi Niika: Got it. I didn’t understand this. So all these groups are just a part of LJ and everyone is linking to whatever they would like correct?

    The reason this came up was that most of the LJ community was stating that Kristi would delete anything pertaining to purging tips….I found it odd that she had a saved area of all the purgatorium stuff (its gone now so I can’t show you).

    -mamaVISION

  38. mamavision says:

    Hi Muse: Yes, please do link to me, the more we all communicate the better. I will dig into your site further, I had checked it out a while back but did put enough time into it. From what I have seen thus far, great work!

    I will be in touch.

    -mamaVISION

  39. mamavision says:

    Hi Joey: Your 1000 calorie diet makes complete sense in the context in which you describe. The problem is the average person seeing the site (ie me), sees that and says “thats not healthy”

    I would suggest you highlight this on your site in someway, try to speak to people who come to the site who are not ED sufferers and explain what your goal is…..explain how an anorexic getting to 1000 calories a day is an accomplishment and I think you will get more positive feedback.

    -mamaVISION

  40. C says:

    Read this and you will see how much I need my friends, they keep me alive and they encourage me NOT to hurt myself ED related or otherwise, if it wasn’t for these people who truly understand me I WOULD BE DEAD! I also want you to understand that I am currently between wanting help and not wanting help, but I know whatever I do they are going to encourage me, none of us want healthy people to live like us, it is a hell that someone without ED could never understand.

    puffyfears ( puffyfears) wrote in proanorexia,
    @ 2007-02-28 12:20:00

    Current mood: depressed

    I don’t get it I havent eaten anything yet today and I don’t feel hungry… not complaining just confused. So far so good there but that is just one little thing to celebrate.
    right now im just sitting here thinking i can’t remember the last time I straightened and styled my hair, or even brushed it…. it’s been days since I have showered and weeks since i shaved…. i am so gross, i am a slob, my dorm is disgusting, i am disgusting, i hate my life
    hate such a weak experession of how i feel………
    my life is spiraling out of control… all i think about is how i look… ironic since i don’t care anymore… i havent gone to class in days and days some i havent been to in weeks…. i hate when people call i hate when they don’t call……
    I want to die, it seems to be the only realease for me, when pets are suffering, we put them out of their myssery, why should I be any different????? dimness darkness hell horror lonelyness rejection hate anger bitterness turmoil jkl;asdfasdfoasdfjkioeriewrn

    Im so depressed right now and i don’t know what to do… the shrink told me to call anytime but he already has me seeing a medical dr tomarrow for my ED, i just saw him (the shrink) yesterday, I am so worried they are going to put me into inpacent (sp) therapy and I just can’t do that …………. im slipping away.. please someone I need to talk to someone

    (Post a new comment)

    stixandbones
    2007-02-28 12:51 pm
    Aww hun, i can REALLY relate, my dorm is discustinf, i really need to shower, im hairy as hell because i havent shaved and im feeling down as well. And my therapist just made an appt with a medical doc to about my weight, are you sure your not my twin? You know what might really help, and i may actually take my own adivce for once, a NICE WARM SHOWER… with good scents to relax you. I know hard hard and difficult and confusing and anxiety provoking this all is but i really am feeling for you i really am!! I used to not go to classes and ofcourse i did poorly first semester, but when i started to go i had less time to think and analyze how miserable i am, it takes my mind off of it. Even when i dont have the energy to walk to classes i just try and think of how miserable and bored and agitated i would be if i were sitting in my dorm doing nothing. TRY hard to get to class, get a shower ( i think it will really relax you a bit) and just relax. Feel better sweetie, BIGGGG HUGGGSSSS!!
    (Reply to this)

    king_josie
    2007-02-28 12:52 pm
    *hugs* im sorry you’re feeling so so bad :(
    (Reply to this)

    tnuty
    2007-02-28 01:03 pm
    I have to agree, I think the best thing you can try your hardest to do is take a nice long shower..that really might just help you to relax right now.If you could muster up enough energy to shave that would help to but just the shower will help loads..I know exactly how it feels to be majorly depressed it happended to me last year and I did end up inpatient. After I had my son I was left with a lot of weight and i wasnt losing it fast enough I went crazy into a deep depression. IP isnt the worst thing in the world if it does come down to it. Its kind of rough at first but once you start to feel better youll see people really are only out to help you. Im so sorry you are suffering. Please try to feel better.. Call your shrink I bet he can help.
    (Reply to this)

    puffyfears ( puffyfears) wrote in proanorexia,
    @ 2007-02-25 20:33:00

    Current mood: angry

    death
    god i hate myslef i wish that i could just end it all. so less than 10 hrs after the boyfriend left I am cutting and purging eventhough all i have eaten today is coughdrops and 1 cup of cornflakes i just keep thinking that they wouldnt knotice if i wasn’t here anymore i mean my mom called today just to say she should call cus im the only one she hasn’t talked to in days… idk maybe if i just cut a bit deeper and let alittle more blood flow i could just let go or i was thinking since my pills can’t be taken with alcahol i could walk to the hill by a huge bottle of red wine and finish off the pills in my dorm… i just don’t care anymore… help…. i hate the dark shallow empty angry awful feeling i have… sorry for my rant i just need to talk… hope you all are doing better than me………….

    (Post a new comment)

    mardelsol
    2007-02-25 08:42 pm
    Honey, never be sorry for ranting. That’s what this space is for, so that we can listen to you, relate, and help you. I’m really sorry you’re feeling so bad. Maybe you should take a walk, but not to buy alcohol, just walk, and breathe in and out and remind yourself that you’re still alive despite everything you’ve been through.
    (Reply to this)

    king_josie
    2007-02-25 08:43 pm
    *hugs*
    oh hun, im so sorry you’re feeling so crap, i really hope it doesnt last. remember you dont want to die, you just want to escape…and out there there are much more productive ways of escaping your feeling. xxx
    (Reply to this)

    oi_punkasfuk
    2007-02-25 08:43 pm
    We’re all here for you babe. Much love xoxo
    (Reply to this)

    sydneydc
    2007-02-25 08:45 pm
    don’t think like this. it may not seem like it now, but i am sure that so many people would deff notice if you were gone and would miss you terribly. first of all you have all of us here on this website that would be so upset and feel horribly.
    we are all here to help with anything and everything
    (Reply to this)

    puffyfears
    2007-02-25 08:46 pm
    thnk you all…….idk………..
    (Reply to this)(Thread)

    mardelsol
    2007-02-25 08:49 pm
    Please find something to distract you from your negative thoughts, babe. I promise that this will pass, it is possible to make it better, but not right now while you’re all wrapped up in anger and sadness. Watch a movie, listen to happy music, go somewhere public and sit and work on homework or read. Whatever you want, just do something that requires you to concentrate on something other than your life. Is there someone you can call and talk to? You don’t have to talk about how you’re feeling, but it would be good to just talk to someone even if it’s just about what crackwhore Britney Spears is or whatever.
    xx!
    (Reply to this)(Parent)

    mardelsol
    2007-02-25 08:53 pm Select
    Hon, please keep us updated on how you’re doing. Let me know if you want to talk on IM or something. A lot of people are worried about you, we all want you to be okay.
    (Reply to this)(Parent)

    xlosing_myselfx
    2007-02-25 08:47 pm
    oh my god dont do it!! ive seen way to many people die and ive come close myself!! ive spent 4 days in icu from self destrucutive behavior like that, followed by 2 weeks in drug rehab with a 48 hour suicide watch. i know you must be hurting, but please dont do it!!!! i dont want to sound so upset ,but i hate when people talk like that. even though you feel like nobody cares, remember that id and everyone else here does to!!! love ya!!
    (Reply to this)

    granola37
    2007-02-25 09:04 pm
    Select
    Don’t ever feel like you can’t here and talk about it. We’ll listen. If you can find someone close to you to talk to about it you should. But for now, take care of yourself and don’t give up on yourself. No one deserves to feel like they shouldn’t be around anymore.
    (Reply to this)

  41. Kazkat says:

    Hi,
    I was struck by what you said about the traffic showing that ‘pro ana’ or women with EDs are visiting your site and listening to you. I wanted to share how I found your site. I am recovered from anorexia & bulimia. I’m off meds, coming off therapy, the right weight and am working full time. The residual stuff I have is collecting images of very thin women and reading about EDs. Not healthy I know, but manageable and periodically I’m strong enough to get rid of them all.
    Anyway, I got to your site by typing Size Zero into the image search of Google. I actually visited your site – initially to view the images you have. I think that might be why some visit!
    Howver, the good thing is that I actually read much of your blog and watched the clip. You share really important stuff, and the clip in particular is very powerful and should be seen by as many ‘pro anas’ as possible. I must add that I think ‘pro ana’ is as dangerous as you say – it fosters a whole identity as ‘ana’ and encourages the maintenance of a life threatening disease. they might as well be handing out bullets.
    Thanks for reading
    Kazkat

  42. Angela says:

    I go on the proanna sites occassionally to get inspiratation to lose weight. I’ve been overweight and underweight and have struggled through it all. The problem (as I see it) is that I feel so much pressusre to be thin. I’ve overheard guys and girls make critical comments about chubby girls (or even girls who look pretty normal) criticizing their weight. I’ve felt pressure from a lot of guys when I was dating (I’m married now) to be thin. My own husband didn’t realize how warped his ideas about beauty standards and ideals for women were until he learned about eating disorders and what I’ve gone through. There is a lot of pressure to be thin. I feel like what is considered thin these days is extremely hard for most girls to achieve naturally so we have to turn to little “tricks” or disordered behavior to reach the standards of beauty these days. Why doesn’t somebody help fix that? Why doesn’t anyone criticize the unrealistic ideals society sets for women? I’m not saying that eating disordered behavior should be acceptable, only that society should also be looking at some of the potential causes or excacerbating factors. Ya know what’s scarier than dying? – Being fat! Feeling ugly, unaccepted or unacceptable, and unlovable is much worse to me. I’d rather die trying to be thin and accepted then live being fat and disgusting. Before anyone can help me change my behaviors or fix me (and I do want help!) I think the key is to fix the unrealistic standards of beauty that push me towards my behaviors. I’m sure many other people have different opinions about what drives their eating disordered behaviors, but for me I feel like the pressure to live up to unrealistic ideals is the biggest motivator for my eating disorder. Of course there are deeper issues behind that like feeling accepted or acceptable but I feel like for me it all starts with those unrealistic standards of beauty.

  43. Kazkat says:

    Hi Angela,
    Changing society’s standards and the unrealistic ideals is very big ask and won’t happen any time soon! The only thing we can do is change how we respond to what we are surrounded with. Trya Banks’ response to the bashing she got over a so called ‘fat’ photo was great. “Kiss my fat ass”. Absolutely!
    There are plenty of average sized (and larger) women out there who feel beautiful, act beautiful and are powerful, intelligent and inspirational. They may not be on the covers of the big magazines or the gossip rags, but they are there! I’m working on being remembered for what I’ve done and how I’ve lived my life, rather than what I weighed. Audrey Hepburn – yes, she was incredibly thin and rumoured to have had an ED, but she was also an amazing actress and a very powerful woman in UNICEF before her death (from cancer not self – starvation!).
    I tend to look to older women (I’m over 35 myself) so Meryl Streep, Margaret Atwood, Angela Carter, Sigourney Weaver, Mary Warnock, Naomi Woolf, Segolene Royale, Hilary Clinton, Helen Mirren, Judi Dench, Catherine Deneuve, Charlotte Rampling, Brigitte Bardot, etc ….. even Jane Fonda seems to have given up her obsession with being a size 8 (UK) . Older, yes, but let’s face it, women won’t make it to 35 if they don’t eat.
    I have a life threatening heart condition that should have killed me during my ED, and the ED ‘may’ have contributed to its development. It puts things in perspective though and saying you’d rather be dead than fat is well ………True for you, but as someone who faces the reality of death everyday …….what a waste of a life. If you are depressed then try to get some help. Because living like that is not living. Its survival and its miserable and horrible and there is an alternative. I know because I’ve been there and now I’m living.
    Take care and keep fighting.

  44. avuee says:

    Are you for Anorexia and Eating Disorders or aganist them?

  45. Kazkat says:

    I find that a very strange question. EDs exist, its not a question of being for or against them (imo). I am not pro ana if that’s what you mean. EDs are a disease and one that kills. People with an ED can choose to engage with treatment and try to get better. Or not. I am fully recovered.

  46. Kayla says:

    I agree a lot to what you say. But even if its not good support, pro ana sites are supporting. the definition of support is to maintain or sustain. These sites do maintain or sustain the eating disordered person by maintaining their eating disordered mind.
    An eating disorder is a lonely disease. pro ana sites help to let the eating disordered person know that they are not the only person who has these irrational thoughts.
    The whole point of my eating disorder is self distruction and these sites help me to continue on this path.
    But I am in no way in favor of pro ana sites. I wouldnt say that pro ana sites make me relapse, but whenever I am close to a relapse, my eating disorder knows how to push me over the edge…by urging me to visit these sites.
    I dont know how to stop going to them. I try to make myself not go online. But I love my computer and there are a lot of good healthy things online that help me. But then I inevitably end up at a pro ana site.
    I’ve been inpatient before and I talked about pro ana sites and how I just cant stop going to them, something(my ED) draws me to them. But the problem is that not a lot of treatment centers know all that much about these sites. Its scary to me, becuase they cant fight this thing without having proper information about it. Its all about the treatment centers being able to see into the fog and confusion of an eating disordered mind and seeing things more clearly then the patient themselves.

  47. Kazkat says:

    It takes willpower to develop and maintain an ED. If you want to0, then that willpower can be turned around and used to fight the ED. If you can hold onto that – you can do it – if you can starve yourself or make yourself purge then you can do anything – and without any doubt you can avoid the pro ana sites. Apply the same methods they suggest you use to keep starving! Snap an elastic band on your wrist when you think about it, distract yourself, write out all the reasons you want to recover and read those instead etc….. Works for me.
    Take car
    Kazkat

  48. Kazkat says:

    Sorry about the typos – sometimes I type faster than I should!

  49. mamavision says:

    Hi C: Thank you very much for sharing your personal post. This one is honestly the first I have seen of support on a level that is healthy. How could anyone think this is a bad thing?

    The problem is girls, posts like this are buried among so many others with thinspiration images and warped thinking.

    I’ve been thinking about this- I think you should separate yourselves. Within LJ which I think most of you are coming from (?) create a separation between yourselves are truly working to recover, encourage and stick to 1000 cal diet (because it keeps you alive). Do you know what I mean? Not sure if you could swing this, but I thought I would throw it out there for thought.

  50. mamavision says:

    Hi Auvee: I am working to deter eating disorders through this blog. The statistics are staggering, the percentage of girls who are obsessed with this beauty obsessed culture.

    I speak about sites called Pro-Anorexia, I have come to learn this means two different things. The name sounds like you are “for” or “pro” anorexia, and in some cases the girls who visit these sites are desiring to be anorexic. This I am against.

    However there is a whole segment of the “Pro-anorexic” community who are working to recover and they utilize the site to connect with others who are also struggling.

    Hopefully this clarifies my perspective for you, bottomline the incidence of ED’s is very concerning to me, as a women and as a parent, so I hope this blog does something to help a few individuals along the way.
    -mamaVISION

  51. Muse says:

    Hey Mamavision! Muse here again. I’ve added your link to the We Bite Back links page. Our community is developing a new project in the hopes that it will help us all define ourselves in positive, helpful ways. As individuals and as an eating disorder recovery community. http://www.webiteback.com/essays Our plan is to have 100 body positive and recovery-oriented essays and rants in this section by the time We Bite Back turns a year old on May 10th this year. We are pulling most of these writings from within our own forum. (People PM me with recommendations on content that is inspiring. This fosters self-esteem, encourages each of us to be inspiring rather than gloomy, and it’s at least an attempt to improve the well-being of the community through pro-active effort. We are doing this exercise to show ourselves and those outside the community that it IS possible to discuss eating disorders without getting worse, so long as you approach the topic with positive intentions (you are entering a community with the purpose of getting better – not worse. You as well as the community have to share that goal, or it ain’t happening.) Anyway… here I go writing a blog within a blog. I’ll just say one more thing. Eating disorder communities everywhere could gradually become more positive places if EVERYONE within them worked together to encourage EACH OTHER to become healthier. (No more passively accepting when online friends are hurting themselves, as if that were “okay”)

    If everyone suddenly decided that recovery was the new thing, it could happen… and pro-ana would be yesterday’s fad. Yesterday’s unhappy, miserable coping mechanism to escape the world’s problems. The world has a lot of problems to escape from… and there are a lot of people on these sites who if they applied themselves to helping one another (and many talk about how it’s all about support. It’s dysfunctional support.) would start to see their online friends get better. If people started “showing the love”, strange things would happen… but if people do not have the courage to tell one another when they’ve obviously gone too far and they are too absorbed in their own fears and worries (Am I too fat? Does everyone hate me?), they are unable to love anyone else. It’s unfortunate but true. Until I started proactively living a healthy recovered life long-term, I was not much help to anyone.

  52. Anna says:

    Hi MamaV:

    I just spent 2 hours viewing YouTube videos on thinspiration. Of course this was my intent, since I have anorexia and at 5′ 5″ and weighing 100 pounds, i felt particulary fat this morning. Hence my need for some trigger material.

    I’m 37 years old, have a master’s degree in psychology, and am working on a PhD. i am also (ironically) a behavior analyst. My ED emerged quite recently, loudly and violently announcing itself with a diagnosis of 95% kidney failure a year ago. At my age there is little support out there for me, since most sites are geared toward supporting teenage girls with ED’s. I was always quite thin as a child, but not anorexia. My headspace was infected with this disorder until adulthood, thus making this battle one I choose to either fight alone, or aquiesce in alone.

    In a recent post, you asked these questions:

    where is the support? i don’t see it. (*we* see it. right smack in front of our faces. pro-ana sites support us regardless of age. the media supports us. and sadly, our perfectionism supports us ~ all regardless of age. these things almost *demand* our ED’s keep us in line. God forbid we see ourselves as flawed human beings, let alone “average.” we pride ourselves on being the best at something. when the BMI calculators display 15% (or lower) and remind us that we’re in the 1st percentile for our height and weight, we get an emotional high. it’s quite a rush, unfortunately.)

    where is the love? i don’t feel it. (ana just adores us, as i suppose mia does, as well.)

    send me examples. specific examples. (ana is something we can count on being there day in and day out ~ regardless of how miserable we feel…regardless of how utterly cognizant we are of feeling in control while at the same time *knowing* how out of control we really are…ana is always there for us ~ we count on this consistency in our lives…this stability, almost…and this can’t be said for most people who have crossed our paths throughout our lives. ana is our confidant, knowing all…and being there despite knowing our deepest, most dirty little secrets.)

    a better life awaits. i am living proof. (i don’t see this for me, but on an intellectual level, i get it…i can’t live it, but i understand it)

    trust me. i am on your side. (i’ve read all of your posts…i see this in you).

    Besides giving my two cents on the information you solicited from those of us with ED’s, I wanted to mention that your site is fantastic.

    In Peace,

    Anna

  53. Anonymous says:

    Do you know ANYTHING about eating disorders? No, you don’t. Why you act like you know everything about eating disorders and why you stole “proana” images without permission to put on some stupid, pointless website- i’ll never know.

  54. mamavision says:

    Hi Ana: Thanks for your insights, you are able to articulate how and why women are driven to feed their minds with images they know will only perpetuate their issues.

    You say “Ana adores us, I suppose Mia does too.” This makes me think about how Ana and Mia have almost literally turned into this imaginary friend. They are terms that stand for a state of mind, but we talk about them as if they are real people cheering us on…kind of interesting and scary if you think about it.

    Ahh the media, no escape so acceptance is the key. How to function and be normal when you have that little devil tapping you on the shoulder all day long telling you that you are not good enough?

    I hope you’ll continue to post, I really like your insight.

    Take care,
    -mamaVISION

  55. mamavision says:

    Hello Anonymous: First, if you had any balls you would post your name. Second, calm down so we can have a civilized conversation.

    What I know and have experienced personally can be found in this blog if you care to take the time to read about my background.

    The proana images are live on public web sites. I am not a member of any proana sites, I simply view the public information, and the images are posted for all to see. I supposed I could link to them, but I don’t believe that would have the same impact.

    I believe you are defensive because you don’t want anyone messing with your underground community, privacy, secrecy, and anonimity is what is all about. I am all about Free Speech so you don’t have to worry about me working to shut you down. You will have to worry about me grabbing screen shots and images from public websites in order to educate parents and families about proanorexia…..maybe this is a reason for you to take a look inside and figure out if you are headed down the right path.

    Take care,
    -mamaVISION

  56. Miko says:

    I just wanted to say that you might think that you’re doing the world a favour by enlightening uneducated people about anorexia and bulimia, but it’s not your battle to fight, nor your struggle. I’ve been anorexic since I was 11, I’m now 19, and all I can say is that no matter how many horror stories I heard about anorexia, they didn’t affect me at all until i experienced them myself. As far as I have learned from the pro-ana movement, they do not encourage unhealthy behavior, at least not the most popular and biggest sites. They offer advice, healthy advice, and yes – sometimes kids come in and want to lose 20 lbs before prom – but they are ALWAYS encouraged to leave or do it in a healthy way.

    They don’t want young people like myself, and younger to experience or being sucked into the same hell that most of them are.

  57. Niika says:

    Just because these sites are all on LiveJournal does not mean they all equate with each other! Even the idea is absurd! Is YOUR blog exactly the same as all other blogs on WordPress? No? I thought not! Similarly, not all LiveJournal communities are exactly the same as all other LiveJournal communities!

    Also, just because the moderator happened to also be a member of purgatorium, or whatever, does NOT mean that even MOST of the other proanorexia members were involved with anything to do with the purgatorium community. Similarly, if you were involved in commenting and posting on another blog, that does not mean that everyone else who reads your blog will also be commenting and posting on that other blog. The idea is just silly, and wrong.

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