I lost one of my girls.

Leah was one of my girls. There are several of you that email me and post to my blog, sharing your intimate feelings about your eating disorders. You all are the reason I am totally driven to do this.

Since Leah’s death early Tuesday morning, I have thought quite a bit about her and how she has now brought my mission to a whole different level.

I am reading all the posts from her friends, either sent to me directly, or to Jen, or to Polly, and I realize how the lost of this wonderful young life has sent a waves across many lives. All of us connected by one common, ugly cause.

Will Leah’s death make at least one girl stop and think about what she is doing to herself when she throws up her binged dinner or sets her daily calorie intake to 200? I sure as hell hope so.

As Leah would say, I guess for now we need to “just be.”

Thanks Leah for touching my life. You are a light and I believe you are watching. I won’t let you down kiddo.

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9 Responses to I lost one of my girls.

  1. Mama, I’m so glad that I found your blog. I love your posts.

    Though most of us had never met Leah, she touched many of our lives. She will surely be missed.

  2. fracas says:

    So sorry to hear about Leah. I know she’ll be a part of everything you do now.

    Keep up what you’re doing Mama. I was at a pro-ana Xanga page the other day and the first thought that came into my head was “I should tell Mama about this page” because I wanted to post something to this girl but was afraid to say the wrong thing. I have a feeling your calling has come calling for you.

    I won’t give up on my attempt to get people to sign my thinspiration petition though, it’s the part I can play and I’m happy to do it. The petition has it’s own tag in the header of my blog.

    Thanks for your inspiration Mama, and please make sure Leah’s loved ones know that there are people who didn’t even know her, who will think of her each time they make any effort to help in this battle.

  3. mamavision says:

    Thanks PalmTreeChick, I am glad you found me too…or I should say we found each other :)

    Please keep Leah in your thoughts, her family and friends will really appreciate it,
    Take care!

  4. mamavision says:

    Hi Fracas: Thanks for your comments, they really mean alot to me. I hope this is my calling, because I tell you what, its in my heart now. I am driven to do this so there must be some reason for this passion I have.

    I signed your petition today, awesome idea! And I would love to see that Xanga post, if you can find it, send it my way.


  5. mamavision says:

    Oh Debra. I cannot imagine your pain having to live with the lost of your precious daughter. My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could do or say something to make it better for you, but I know there is nothing that can be said. I think only time heals a loss such as this, and each day may get a little bit more liveable…but it will never be the same will it? Thank you for telling me your story, both you and Nicole will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

  6. mccullen says:

    although i’m just a “regular” guy (albeit a 5’11” 155 lb. guy looking to lose a couple pounds, haha) who found your site through youtube.com, i wanted to extend my thanks for your efforts both on youtube and on your blog. we’ve all heard the words of warning about the perils of ED but i’ve never seen the subject broached so boldly, nor with such a strong sense of acceptance and understanding. i believe that it is the widespread social condemnation of people who suffer these psychological ailments that prevents people from speaking out about their personal experiences both suffering and recovering from a & b. the fact that you’re a beautiful, healthy mother of two probably helps- haha- but as long a0s you have the energy and the time to continue to shed light on the the taboo topic of ana/mia- and the even more taboo topic of pro-ana/mia websites, i’ll be reading, and supporting.


    travis rex

  7. mamavision says:

    Hi Mccullen: Thanks for the kind words, its posts like yours that keeps me going. Although I do have to admit this blog has turned into a parttime job which I did not plan for….but there is no way I can walk away from it. These issues are not only too important but are growing, so as long as I have a platform to speak I will attempt to shed some light from my perspective. It is true that it is easier now that I am happily married with children, and still a babe 😉 – but my recovery from my eating disorders, modeling industry brainwashing was about 90% done when I met my husband….so I think that is an important message. Great to hear from a guy for a change! Please keep reading and commenting!

  8. emilyishere says:

    that was so beautiful. and i’m so sorry. you’re an insperation to us all. even if i don’t have an eating disorder, i can really understand why people get into them. people always think, “oh, they’re so horrible! how could they think that?! they did this to themselves!” but recently, i found out that one of my close friends from a while ago has bulimia and she needed to go to the hospital. she was great. she hasn’t died yet and she IS slowly getting better, but i think we should all really think about what eating disorders do. thank you, mama vision, for really making me understand.

  9. Kame says:

    Hey I have a friend who has been struggling with… well a lot over the past couple years. She is actually a friend of my older sisters but as she and I began talking we’ve become very close. She has dabbled in everything from alchohol to cutting to mia ana drugs and more. She’s been betrayed by almost everyone she knows. Here’s my problem, I believe she needs serious medical help, but I believe telling her parents and getting her sent to the hospital or something would be very bad. Not only would that be another one betraying her, but I believe she will do what everyone does, she’ll do what it takes to get out of rehab and then start right up again, because unless I can convince her to go willingly i don’t think there will be any change in her desires, that’s what counts right? As far as I know… no matter how good a doctor, if you don’t want to change, you won’t.

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